Drunk History (2013) s05e07 Episode Script

Drunk Mystery

1 Tonight, Alison Rich tells the tale of famed novelist Agatha Christie and how she entered her own mystery when she vanished into thin air.
Then, Kyle Mooney introduces us to the mysterious man who boarded a plane, demanded a ransom, and parachuted into the night, leaving only his name, D.
B.
Cooper.
Finally, Georgia Hardstark attempts to solve the mystery behind the unknown letter writer terrorizing the town of Circleville, Ohio.
So join us tonight as we re-open these brand-new historic mysteries as well as a brand-new bottle of bourbon On "Drunk Mystery.
" (Tense music) (Sighs) Hello.
(Giggles) - Already gold.
- (Laughing) Already gold.
Whoo.
Okay.
Hello.
I'm Alison Rich, and today we will be talking about Agatha Christie.
(Laughter) Okay.
Our story begins in England.
It's 9:45 p.
m.
, December 3, 1926.
Famed mystery writer Agatha Christie.
She's kind of like the Stephen King of the 1920s.
Packed a small suitcase, walks out of her house, and she disappears.
Dun, dun, dun Mystery.
Um So the next day, a gypsy boy named George Bess is walking along, and then he comes to the bottom of a hill, and he's like, whoa! What's this car doing here? Cars don't aren't at the bottom of hills.
And the car has the hood popped, and a door is open, and lights are on, so he calls the police.
The police come, and Deputy Chief Constable William Kenward was like, you know what? I'm on the case, and I'm gonna search the shit out of this.
(Laughs) And he looks inside, and there's an expired license and a piece of paper, and they say, Agatha Christie.
It's called vocal fry.
So.
(Laughs) (Giggles) (Giggling) (Laughing) (Chuckles) (Laughing) Ohh.
Okay.
So he's like, oh, my God.
There's been a mystery with our own mystery writer.
So then, William Kenward is like, I'm gonna get scouts.
I'm gonna get bloodhounds.
I'm gonna get divers.
I'm gonna get planes.
We've never used planes before to search for someone, but, you know what, I'm gonna fucking do it.
- Wow.
- They fucking were searching like, to the max.
But no dice.
They don't find her.
Shit.
So Kenward's like, okay.
What I'm gonna do is, we're in the middle of a mystery I'm gonna get two mystery writers to help find her.
So he employs the help of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, AKA the writer of "Sherlock Holmes," and then this lady Dorothy L.
Sayers, who we don't know.
(Laughs) But then somebody comes in like, ooh! Record scratch.
Oh, what? Don't worry about it.
We found Agatha.
(Laughs) So 11 days after she disappeared, people are waiting, being like, what happened to famed mystery writer Agatha Christie? Where did she go? And she's like, I don't know.
I can't I can't help you.
The police are like, what? Really disappointing.
We were all searching for her, but she's just here? So the police were left to just like piece together what had happened over those 11 days.
So flashback.
Okay, at the time, December 3, 1926, um, Agatha is having a tough time.
Okay? She's 36.
And life is punching her in the tits, okay? Like, her marriage is on the rocks, and her husband Archie is being a dick about it.
He was like, I want to marry my secretary, but I'm already married.
(Scoffs) This fucking wife of mine.
So she starts to exhibit the signs of a nervous breakdown.
And Archie's like, hey, I'm gonna leave you.
I'm gonna leave you for my secretary because I like her better than you.
And she's like, wow! Really cool.
She was like, you know what? I'm gonna go to I'm gonna leave.
I'm gonna drive to London.
So she starts driving to London Bash! Bam! Car accident.
She gets into a car accident.
So 24 hours later, very mysteriously, she arrives at this spa and hotel called the Swan Hydropathic in Harrogate, 230 miles from where she had been.
She checks in.
And she's like, hey, look at me.
I'm wearing glasses.
I wasn't wearing glasses before, and I've got a different hairstyle.
What? Did she stage her own disappearance? Or did she have a mental break? - Whoa.
- Right? And she's like my name is Teresa Neele.
I'm from Capetown, South Africa.
I've just lost a child.
Please lay off my back.
I'm trying to recuperate.
Um, that's all there is to it.
(Raspberries) And the hotel people are like, okay, too much information.
And then she's like, you know what? I'm gonna have a great time.
I'm gonna like, live it up.
She gets some beauty treatments.
She goes dancing.
Chilling out, maxin', and relaxing.
All cool.
(Laughs) And she's reading her own story.
Like, ooh.
What's going on in the news? This is interesting.
The weather's gonna be 78, and there's lady missing named Agatha Christie.
(Laughs) (Giggling) So Be careful with that drink.
It's fine, Derek! (Laughing) So Meanwhile, a chambermaid is like, wait, um, aren't you her? Aren't you this person? And she's just like, I don't know what you're saying.
So the police This is really bothering me.
- I'm so afraid - No, no, no.
That's gonna fall.
Okay, so (Laughs) So.
(Laughing) I got it.
(Laughing) So.
(Laughing) So.
The police didn't know what to make of it.
They were like, this is a publicity stunt for her new book, "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.
" And some of them are like, this is her trying to get back at her husband.
And others are like, she was in a car crash, so she had amnesia.
But so Agatha's like, I don't know.
You know what? But what I do know is I have a new attitude.
I'm gonna divorce my husband and I'm gonna go on to write 80 novels, and 66 are gonna be mystery novels.
And I'm gonna be such a best-selling author that the only person who beats me or literature that beats me is the Bible.
And Shakespeare.
And that is exactly what she did.
She was the huge success.
She never speaks of the event again.
Oh, P.
S.
, I forgot to say, that at one point, Agatha said to her sister, I can disappear at any point if I wanted to.
I know how to do it.
I know all the stuff, 'cause I know mysteries.
So if I disappear, maybe I know how to do it.
(Laughing) Okay, great.
I feel like I could say my "I'm Alison Rich," now, better.
- You wanna do it? - Do you want me to say that? Yeah.
(Sighs) Hello.
(Laughing) I'm Alison Rich.
(Laughing) Oh, no! Laughing? I hope so.
But what's more important is that you sit back, relax, and help us all solve a drunk mystery.
So now we're gonna go crazy, right? Yeah, let's go crazy.
A little bit of this.
Wait, you're not gonna cheers all right.
Give me another one.
And we'll cheers after that.
Hi, I'm Kyle.
(Laughs) Sorry.
Hello, I'm Kyle Mooney, and today I'll I'll be discussing D.
B.
Cooper.
(Laughs) So it's Thanksgiving Eve, November 24, 1971.
Dan Cooper, normal dude, 40-something, calls over a flight attendant, Florence Shaffner.
He pulls out a little piece of paper.
It's a little note.
She looks at it and reads that, and it says, hey, I've got a bomb.
I need $200,000 in $20 bills, unmarked, and two sets of sports parachutes.
And he just opens the briefcase slightly, and she can see cylindrical objects that are red and some wires connected to them, and a big battery.
And she's like, whoa! Okay.
Um So she goes up to the cockpit and is like, hey, um, excuse me.
There's something you might want to know about.
So the pilot is like, yeah, we don't want the plane to explode.
There's a lot of people.
So the plane finally lands, and the passengers all get off, but the pilot and just a couple flight attendants stay.
And now he's got little, like, black shades on.
And they're like, hey, man, here's your money.
And two sets of paracutes.
And the pilot comes up.
He's like, anything else? For sure.
I need you to fly this plane to Mexico City via Reno.
So once the plane is at 10,000 feet in the air, he straps all the cash to himself, goes to the end of the plane, opens an exit, and he's like, yeah, okay.
I'm officially cool.
(Chuckling) Now the crew is like, uh, is do we is the the did he is the do we have the bomb? And they're like, no.
The bomb's not here.
Well, that's not bad.
That's good.
Oh, look cigarette butts.
Oh, look, this clip-on tie.
That's what he left us.
All right, let's eat some pizza.
Excuse me.
You okay? I'm fine.
- Did you wanna go - So what? What are we trying to do over here? (Mumbles) (Laughing) Anyway, so the main FBI guy.
Ralph Himmelsbach.
He's like, what does he look like? They're like, oh, he's a I saw him in a suit.
Yeah, I think he had a nice tie.
Well, what'd you see that he had a did you see that he had the sunglasses on? Yeah, I did see the sunglasses.
I liked 'em too.
And they're drawing the picture.
Hey, this might be what our good, old hijacker looks like.
And then a local reporter trying his best to make a name for himself he's like, I don't know okay.
I think his name is D.
B.
Cooper.
No.
The guy's name is Dan Cooper.
But thus started the legend of D.
B.
Cooper.
And the FBI was able to dwindle the suspects to a couple dozen, but ultimately it's like, these guys don't it doesn't match up.
Anyway, cut to 1980.
And a young kid just north of Portland is digging around on the beach of the Columbia River.
He finds $5,800 in $20 bills with the serial numbers matching those given to Dan Cooper.
He was like, hey, I look what I got.
The FBI was like, oh, shoot.
And now the manhunt starts all over again.
So Ralph is like, okay, let's d check out the DNA from what Cooper left.
Guess what happens? He's like, oh, wow.
Cigarettes are gone.
They mysteriously disappeared.
Let's check out the tie.
The tie that he left it's like science can't that's so old, you know what I mean? Like, it might not work anymore.
So after 45 years, of trying to figure this out, the FBI in 2016 goes, I guess we didn't do it this time.
We tried our best.
I think we gotta say case closed.
You know what? This is what we like to call an unsolved Guy.
And then the other guy was like, no, unsolved mystery.
And he's like, exactly.
And that is the only unsolved hijacking in United States history.
(Mysterious music) So where is D.
B.
Cooper? Ya-tuh-meh.
What was that? "Ya-tuh-meh"? Don't ruin this for America for me.
(Laughing, clapping) Okay, here we go.
Hi, I'm Georgia Hardstark, and today we'll be discussing the Circleville letters.
Good? (Belches) Just great.
Okay, good.
Okay, so it begins in Circleville, Ohio, in 1976.
Small town, everyone is like, oh, hi, like, we're friends.
Like, nothing bad happens here, and they're like, I don't even lock my fucking doors! Because everything is so safe around here.
Can I say fuck? - Always.
- Okay.
So no one suspects anything is wrong.
- It's Circleville.
- It's Circleville.
And then suddenly all the residents like, thousands of them start getting creepy, weird, cryptic anonymous letters.
One lady opens her mail, and it's like, we know what you do on a Tuesday night.
I know you have this many kids, and, like, we you've been bad.
So all these letters they're all sent from Columbus, Ohio.
And the writing is super creepy and blocky.
(Gulps) Uh, yes, gulp indeed.
And the person who's getting the most threatening mail is a school bus driver named Mary Gillespie.
Her email nope.
(Laughing) Her letters are like, hey, we we or I know that you're having an affair with the superintendent of the school who is named Gordon Massie.
And you better come out with the affair, or I'm gonna tell everyone, and I'm gonna, like, post signs around town, and like, put it on CB radios and stuff.
Which is, like, so sweet and '70s.
So Mary tells her husband Ron there's there's no affair happening.
This is insane.
This writer has been sending these messages to everyone.
Clearly he's a creep and a crazy person.
And Ron is like, I believe you.
So.
(Laughs) (Clears throat) So.
Ron and Mary get together with Ron's sister and her husband, Paul Freshour.
And they're like, help us.
And they are like, what's you know, we support you.
I don't know what's going on, but we'll help you, and we're here for you.
So Mary and the sister-in-law go out of town to, like, have a ladies' weekend and get away.
And while they're out of town, Ron is at home with the kids, gets a phone call, picks up the phone, and is like, hey, hi.
What's going on? Hey, this is Ron Gillespie.
What's the deal? And whatever they fucking say pisses Ron off so badly that Ron is like, give me my gun! I'm gonna be back.
I think I'm gonna be back, except I'm not.
And, like, runs.
(Laughs) Oops.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so anyway.
A few hours later, there's a car accident.
Ron is dead.
And the cops come, and he has his shotgun in the car.
The shotgun has been fired once.
And they're like, oh, he was just shit-faced and drove into a tree.
But then they got letters from the letter writer saying like, what are you talking about? This was a murder.
Like, you're being like, he was telling them that they were wrong.
So a couple years later this is 1983 Mary is driving her school bus and drives by a sign that says Mary Gillespie sucks.
And here's what's gonna happen if you don't, like, respond.
And she's like fuck this.
I'm done with this.
And goes to pull the sign down, and there's a fucking booby-trapped gun behind the sign.
Jeez! I know.
And so they traced the serial numbers that were partially scratched off to Paul Freshour.
Hey, Paul, Mary's fucking brother-in-law.
And they convict him based on the serial numbers alone.
And guess what? The letters kept coming from Columbus.
And Paul was getting them in prison.
And they're like, you'll never get out of there.
No one will ever believe you.
Go fuck yourself.
Mm.
That's a red flag.
Something's fishy.
Mm.
Mm.
Dun, dun, dun That was "Law and Order"? That was a Dun, dun, dun I think that's like, this is creepy.
Okay.
Dun, dun, dun Dun, dun, dun Dun, dun, dun (Laughter) All right, where was I? There I was.
Okay.
So.
So in '93, everyone's favorite show as a child that scared the ever-loving shit out of us in the best possible way "Unsolved Mysteries" - The best.
- The best.
Comes to Circleville, Ohio, to do a story on the letters and the possible murder and what the fuck is happening.
Everyone's like, we couldn't believe this happened here.
And then "Unsolved Mysteries" got a letter from the Circleville Letter Writer.
And it said forget Circleville.
If you guys come to Circleville, you you freakos will pay.
- Wow.
- I know.
I think we should solve this mystery.
All right, so uh mm What do you think? You know who talks? Kids.
You know who listens to kids? Nobody.
A bus driver.
(Gasps) So what does what does that mean? My theory is that she would be the perfect person to know what was going on in other people's lives.
Because she was hearing the kids talk about their parents.
Oh, my God.
- Right? - You're smart.
So Ron Gillespie could have been suspicious that Mary is having an affair.
Are you cheating on me? No, I love you with my whole heart.
What are what are these? Who wrote these? Please, you're not making any sense.
You're being hysterical.
And then maybe she steals the gun from her fucking brother-in-law.
And set up the booby trap.
Exactly.
School bus driver? More like I dropped out of school to become the greatest criminal of the kind.
And then Paul went to prison having no idea.
I totally buy this.
(Dramatic tones) Cheers, Georgia.
Let's solve every murder.
To us.
To us.
The night is young, and so are we.
(Scoffs) I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
- I am.
22? Mm-hmm.
(Tense music)
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