Drunk History (2013) s06e12 Episode Script

Ed Pulaski says, this is coming faster and stronger than any fire than I've ever seen.
It is too smoky, too dark! I'm panicking! [belches.]
[both laugh.]
That's the kind of intensity this it's intense! Ted Patrick's like, 52 kids gone.
If I don't do something, nobody's gonna do something.
[whispers.]
I'm so drunk.
[both laughing.]
[patriotic music.]
[banjo music.]
We're gonna make a martini.
[laughing.]
First thing you gotta do is a banana, okay? I'm gonna have this, though.
[laughing.]
- You're - I am gonna eat it, because it's gonna actually make me feel better in the morning.
What's cool about this is nothing! [laughing.]
Hello.
I'm John Lutz.
[laughs.]
Llllllll! [both laughing.]
No one gives a fucking shit! No one cares who I am! - [laughing.]
- That's fine, it's fine.
I'm kidding.
Hello, I'm John Lutz.
And today we'll be talking about Ed Pulaski and the big burn of 1910.
So in 1908, there's a man named Ed Pulaski.
Ed is getting sworn in as a Forest Service Ranger.
He's more of a salt of the earth kinda guy, works with his hands, and he's like, whoa, I'm 40 years old, I'm older than any of these other recruits, I don't have a college degree, but they still want me.
And they're like, yes, we do, because you're the kinda guy we want.
So we wanna send you to Coeur d'Alene National Park in Idaho.
I would love to work in a national park.
I love potatoes.
That is my favorite thing, ever.
I'm gonna move my family to Wallace, which is right near Coeur d'Alene, and then they can live there and then I can go take care of the forest well.
He is having his dream job.
But that all goes to crap.
- [gasps.]
What happened? - Summer, 1910.
Lotta forest fires are happening, but that's usual, but There's a big one, and Ed is like, let me look through my binoculars and see what I see with the Holy shit! That is not what trees should be.
[laughing.]
That is not green! That is red! Those trees look red and burny! This is an intense fire.
This is crazy.
In a couple of hours, a hundred thousand acres are just wiped away.
[belches.]
[both laughing.]
That's the kind of intensity this It's intense! - It's crazy.
- [laughs.]
- It sounds pretty bad.
- He's like, we've gotta do something to save the forest park.
So he gets his crew.
He says, we gotta start putting this out.
You guys go over here, start putting it out over there, get some water over here, get some things over there, put some water over there.
One of his crew comes up to him and says, we are running out of supplies.
Okay, I'm gonna take my horse, I'm gonna ride back to Wallace to get some more supplies.
His crew guy's like, hurry up We are This is We've never seen a fire like this before.
Hold on, calm down.
Chill out just for a minute, Randy! You are always so panicky! [laughing.]
So he hops on his horse, rides to Wallace.
Gets a bunch of supplies, stops at home, and he goes to his wife Emma, I need to go fight this fire.
Every second I'm here with you is another second that one of my men could die.
She says, I understand.
I don't want you to go.
I don't want you to die, but I know that this is the man that you are.
I love you.
He says I love you back.
They give a big, long kiss.
Longer.
Longer.
[John moaning.]
Ohh - that's it.
- [laughing.]
And then he gets back on his horse and hightails it back to the fire.
When he gets there, he looks at this fire and he realizes there's no way they can stop it.
So he says to his crew, this is coming faster and stronger than any fire than I've ever seen.
We gotta go.
That's it.
We gotta we gotta pack it up, guys, we're gonna dig outta here, we're gonna head back to Wallace.
So he has a group of 45 people heading away from this fire that's kind of chasing them.
They're all running.
Run, run, run.
And then one of his guy's like, "John! [yelling indistinctly.]
- It's a bear! - Oh, no.
And Ed is like, wait a minute, look at that bear.
He's running away from the fire like us.
So then it was like run, run, run, run, bear, bear, bear, bear! - [laughing.]
- So they're running, and they're 5 miles outside of Wallace.
They run into an old man.
[elderly voice.]
Oh, no! [laughs.]
I can't I can't I can't run! My knees are shot and my arches are flat and my back is broke and my beard is long.
[laughing.]
And then Ed goes, use my horse, he's going, I couldn't use your Oop! And he's on the horse.
Yah! And the horse runs off with this old man.
And all the other guys are like, What the fuck man? Why didn't you give one of us the fucking horse? At that moment, Ed turns around and sees this fire coming and realizes this is not gonna happen.
We're not gonna outrun this fire.
His men are like, oh, my God, oh, my God, [stammers.]
the fire's coming! What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? He says, shut up! Let me think.
I know what we're gonna do, but I don't know yet.
Now I do.
[snaps fingers.]
I got it.
I just thought of Nicholson Mine Shaft.
And they went, Nicholson Mine Shaft? So they're heading back towards the fire.
So they go to Nicholson Mine they all [nonsense sounds.]
They run in.
Just as they go into Nicholson Mine, the fire goes [whooshing sounds.]
[pffft.]
And Ed says, just everybody calm down.
We might not make it out We still aren't out of the woods yet.
And then all the smoke and ash and embers kind of like sucked into the mine shaft.
It's pretty bad.
[sips.]
The end.
[laughing.]
No.
It's not the end! Your banana is in your olives.
That's fine.
They'll be fine.
Sorry.
Gonna put the ice away.
Do you need me to do it? - It's gonna fall! - [laughing.]
I got it.
- Cookie?! - [laughing.]
So they're in this mine shaft, but these people are still panicking.
Ed keeps his cool the whole time.
But all the other guys were a little bit nutso pants.
Some of them were like, I'm claustrophobic! Another person was like, I really don't like being in the dark it scares me.
Then another person was like, are there ghosts in this mine shaft? [laughing.]
One was like, aah, aah, aah-ee-aah He couldn't even talk.
He was just like [retching.]
[continues retching.]
And then Randy is like, I can't take this anymore.
It is too smoky, too tight, too dark I'm panicking! Bblblblblblb! Blblblbllblb! [squeaks.]
He runs towards the front of the mine shaft, and Ed's like, ohh He pulls his gun out.
He points it at Randy and says, anybody else tries to escape, you die.
And Randy's like, eeeee! Ohhhhh don't kill me.
And he's like, just get back in.
And then Ed says to everybody, he's like, everybody get on the ground, lay down, I'll throw these blankets over you, and I'll throw a bunch of water on these blankets to keep you from getting burnt.
All these trees have fallen in front of the mine shaft.
They just blocking the air from coming in.
Ed is desperately trying to break these trees.
He's hacking at it, hacking at it.
And he's like, this is worthless, and throws it away and can't do anything to the point where everybody, including Ed, passes out.
[dramatic music.]
The fire finally passes.
One guy wakes up.
It's Randy.
And Randy's like, [gasps.]
I survived! Oh, no.
Everybody's dead.
They're all dead.
I gotta get outta here.
I'm gonna go back to Wallace.
Runs, runs, runs, runs back through all this devastated forestland.
It's just a wasteland.
And he gets back to Wallace and people are psyched to see Randy.
Everybody in town is like, we hate this dude, but for once, we're happy.
Ed Pulaski's wife is like, where's my husband? And Randy was like, I know where they are.
It's sad, because they thought everybody died, and then they all go back.
They get to the mine shaft.
They're like, I can't believe it.
Ed Pulaski is dead.
[solemn music.]
And then from the mine shaft you hear, [singsong.]
Oh, like hell he is! He sang it? No, he didn't sing it, Amber! [laughs.]
I'm sorry.
Ed comes out of the cave, singed clothes, singed shoes, covered in smoke and ash, and they're like, yes, he survived, he made it! And then 40 of the other men came out.
And they're like, oh, my God, all these people survived and it was because of Ed.
Three cheers for Ed! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip for Yes, for Ed! Everybody was really happy except for Ed, because five of the guys he tried to save did not make it.
This is the most important part of the story, and you're putting on lip balm? Just We were like five seconds away from the end! [laughing.]
[pop.]
The story of Ed Pulaski saving those men became a legend, but he did not like that.
He said, they're saying that I saved 40 men, but I in my mind, I lost five.
And I think it had something to do with that stupid Axe.
So he designed something called the Pulaski something that is half an Axe, half a hoe, half a save your life! And he said, that is called the Pulaski.
To this day, the Pulaski is standard issue for firemen around the country.
- To Pulaski.
- To Pulaski! - Hip, hip - Hooray! [murmuring.]
- Hip, hip - [funny voice.]
Ha-ray! [squeaks.]
[mellow jazz.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Growing up, what was like your go-to thing when someone's like, "I don't know how to say your name"? I got called "anus" my whole life.
- Yeah.
- But really, it's like "An-ace.
" But I got so used to saying "Ana-eese," to try and help people, you know? Do you think if I would have said "Ana-eese," people would have been like, "Oh, I got that, easy"? - Maybe.
- [laughing.]
Hello.
My name is Anais Fairweather, and tonight I'm gonna tell you the story of Ted Patrick.
Wait.
Will you go like this? - Is there a fly? - You got gnats in here.
[gasps.]
Oh, my God! [blowing.]
I don't know why you let all these gnats in.
So the day is July 4, 1971.
14-year-old Michael Patrick comes home.
He's fucked up.
His eyes are all bewildered-looking.
He looks like he's been set into trance.
His father, Ted Patrick, runs to the door and he's like, what the fuck? You were supposed to be home hours ago.
He's like, I was talking to children of God, and I'm gonna go fucking live with them now.
Here's a pamphlet.
Here's what they've been telling me.
Ted Patrick's like, fuck that! He looks at the pamphlet and he's like, this is a bunch of brainwashing bullshit.
Get in your bed, go to sleep done! His son goes to bed, and Ted Patrick doesn't think about it for another week.
A week later after Fourth of July, after this whole thing went down, this friend runs in and she's like, I need your help.
My fucking son Billy, 14 years old No.
[laughing.]
19 years old has been missing since Fourth of July, last seen with a bunch of people holding bibles.
He's been gone since Fourth of July! So he starts making all these phone calls.
He gets the names of 52 kids who has been taken by the Children of God.
52 fucking kids gone in one week! The police and authorities, they all say, sorry, can't do anything about it because, you know, most of these kids are like 19 years old, 18 years old.
They they can make their own decisions at this point.
Ted Patrick says like, well, there's only one thing I can do I gotta become a Children of the God.
A Child of the God.
Whatever.
So fucking Ted Patrick goes out to Mission Beach, follows what his son told him where all those kids were hanging out, sees the bus.
The bus is painted Children of God on the side.
He sees all these good-looking young kids preaching the word of God on the outside of the bus.
He's like, that's the fucking bus.
They ask him all these questions like, are you a follower of God, do you love God, how much money do you have in your bank account? And Ted Patrick's like, they just fucking want my money.
[whispers.]
I'm so drunk.
[both laughing.]
And they like kiss cheeks and then he like high-fived 'em and then got on the bus.
[solemn music.]
They drive to Santee in San Diego.
It's a commune there, Children of God commune.
Ted Patrick walks into this commune, and there's speakers fucking lining the walls.
David Berg, who's like the Moses of Children of God, is just like blaring out his prophecies which are things like Jesus loves you, but the only way that he loves you is if you denounce your parents, if you give up all of your money and your possessions, if you only do this.
And if you step off of this commune and you do not become a Child of God, then the fucking devil's gonna get you.
They're gonna strike you dead.
And imagine this time.
Of course these kids are fucking believing that, because they're already kind of rebelling against their parents, rebelling against the government.
They're confused.
They're looking for answers.
And, you know, Ted Patrick's 41 years old, so he's like, I'm, A, have been in the service, B, I'm a middleweight fucking boxer.
- Oh, really? - Yeah, dude, he was! So anyway, he's like, I can probably fucking withstand this and gain some Intel on this fucking Children of God shit.
44 hours later, he hasn't fucking eaten anything, he hasn't drinken anything.
This is all the Children of God brainwashing.
All that he's been receiving is the world of David Berg.
He's like, you know the devil fucking wants you.
The devil wants to get in your little head and all this shit.
So then finally, at 48 hours, he's finally allowed to take a nap.
It was wall-to-wall, shoulder-to-shoulder, head-to-foot people sleeping in this room that smelled like shit on tiny little blankets.
But people were passing out 'cause they were so exhausted and hungry and thirsty.
He wakes up after a three-hour nap.
He's like, I believe this shit.
What the fuck am I talking about? I don't believe this shit! This shit's fucking bullshit! He's like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.
He runs up to like one of those little guys and he's like, I gotta give you everything I own.
If I don't, the devil's gonna get me, and they're like, you've accepted the word of God.
And he's like, uh-huh! So he like leaves, and they're like, bye! And he was like, if I don't do something, nobody's gonna do something.
So he started the Free COG Free Children of God.
And he talked to a bunch of parents.
All those 52 families, there were parents who said, I'll be fucking willing to give up anything.
And then he's like you.
You need help.
This couple, and they have a daughter.
She dropped out of USC and joined Children of God.
And so he goes he fucking infiltrates the commune with her parents.
He grabs her, and she's fucking screaming fuck you, you're the devil all this shit and Ted Patrick's like, okay, whatever.
I'm not.
He shoves her in the car, shuts the door, drives off.
I'm very drunk.
- You're okay.
- At the time right now.
[giggling.]
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Have you ever been a bartender? - Like for a month, so no.
I did it to like pay for my classes.
Oh, my God.
- All right, so - Welcome.
- Thank you.
- Okay, so Ted Patrick, he takes the girl who was a USC dropout, fucking brings her to a motel.
Three days of questioning.
He asks the last question.
Well, why does God want your parents to die? Her eyes changed.
She lifted out of the trance, and he said it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
And she was like, I am so sorry.
I've been calling you the black devil this whole time.
I've been telling my parents I fucking hate them.
I'm so sorry.
She apologized profusely to everybody, hugged everybody and was like, you saved my life.
And Ted Patrick looked at her and he was like, you've been deprogrammed.
They were all like, holy shit, thank you you know? [laughing.]
What am I saying right now? [laughing.]
So he gets a phone call from Ralph Collins.
He's like this really well known Realtor.
And he's like, I need your help.
My daughter Pam has been taken by the Children of God with her fiancé, and I need your fucking help.
They hop in the car.
They drive to the commune in Colorado.
They pull up to this very fucking high-stakes situation.
There's like people on watch towers and vicious dogs running around, 350 young adults just being like, I am a robot.
Ralph Collins sees his daughter walking up and he's like, she looks like a fucking alien.
And she fucking pulls up, walks up to the car with five dudes, and Ted Patrick's like, shit.
So he's with this guy Danny who knows karate.
The parents pop out of their car and they're like, honey, and Pam's like, Dad, Mom.
He opens up the trunk, and fucking Danny the fucking Karate Kid chops Pam's fiancé in the face.
And then Ted Patrick is like, gotcha! And she's like, what the fuck? They grab Pam, throw her in the back of the car, skid out of there.
He drives off.
And then they drive to a motel.
Ted Patrick questions Pam for two days, and Pam finally came to.
And her eyes shifted and she was like, Mom, Dad, I fucked up, and Ted Patrick knew.
He looked at her in the eyes and he was like, you're fine, you're good.
You're deprogrammed.
And so he dedicated his life to helping people recover from these brainwashings.
And he was like, the only way I can live with myself after what I witnessed at Children of God commu commune is if I help these people.
He knew he was the only person that had the fucking balls to do this.
No one else wanted to touch this shit.
Ted Patrick is credited with deprogramming upwards of a thousand ex-cult members who were very stoked.
'Cause they were like, I got my brain back! - Thank you! - [laughs.]
Ted Patrick was like, you can just call me Black Lightning, and everyone was like, pffft, been calling you that for days.
I don't like to be judgmental of, like, people's belief systems, because everyone believes something different, but these belief systems aren't religions.
They're cults because you no longer have rights.
You don't have freedoms.
Ted Patrick was like, when these fucking cults are advertising correctly, when they fucking brand themselves right, [snaps.]
I'll be done.
Until then, I'ma fucking deprogram all these fucking kids.
That's that he did.
- Cheers.
- Cheers! - Yay! - [laughing.]
- To finding the truth.
- Holy shit.
- What a fucking lightweight I am.
- [laughing.]
[patriotic music.]
[patriotic music.]