Ducktales (1987) s01e65 Episode Script

Till Nephews Do Us Part

- Life is like a hurricane - Here in Duckburg - Race cars, lasers, airplanes - it's a duck-blur - Might solve a mystery - Or rewrite history - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Everyday they're out there making - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales - D-d-d-danger - Watch behind you - There's a stranger out to find you - What to do? Just grab onto some - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Everyday they're out there making - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - Tales of derring-do Bad and good luck tales - Ooh-woo-ooh Not pony tails or cotton tails, no - DuckTales Ooh-woo-ooh - [alarm clock rings] Yippidee doo da! Camping trip, here we come.
[All chuckling] Boys, how many times have I told you not to ride that dumbwaiter? We're all set to go to Malaria, Uncle Scrooge.
- [Scrooge] That's Malaysia.
- Well, wherever that lost relish is.
And it's relics, not relish, boys.
The Lost Relics of Malaysia.
OK, OK, let's just get camping.
Yeah! Let's go! Not so fast, boys.
There's one problem.
I've learned the relics are in a land owned by the Web Corporation.
We'd be trespassing.
- Trespassing? - What does trespassing mean? Remember last week when Mrs.
Hagglegander chased you boys out of her orchard with a broom? That was trespassing.
Of course, if I buy the land, nobody can chase us off with a broom.
Duckworth, take me to the Web Corporation ASAP.
For a moment, I thought you were calling me a sap.
I'll just be a minute, Duckworth.
Don't keep the engine running.
M.
Vanderbucks, President.
Tell Mr.
Vanderbucks Scrooge McDuck wants to see him.
I beg your pardon? I have business with him.
Man to man.
And if a sweet thing like you wants to see how a business pro like me operates, [chuckling] I suggest you take notes, Ms Ms Ms.
Vanderbucks, Millionara Vanderbucks.
You're the president of this company? I am the president of lots of companies.
Oh, now I recognize you.
Weren't you profiled in Ms.
Fortune magazine? [Chuckling] That was quite a profile.
Oh, well, thank you.
Now what is it that you want, Mr.
McDuck? I'm here to make you an offer you cannot refuse.
What do you mean you refuse? - [Howls] - [Thudding] I didn't become the wealthiest woman in the world by making stupid deals.
I want twice as much money.
- That's robbery.
- That's profit.
But don't get your feathers ruffled, big boy.
We still might be able to work out a deal.
- Over dinner.
- Uh, fine.
- Shall we say my mansion at 7:00? - I look forward to it.
Maybe after dinner I could check out your bank statement.
Uncle Scrooge is back! Can we go now, Uncle Scrooge? - Can we? - Can we? Go where? To look for the lost relish.
Relics, and no, not yet.
Now run along and get dressed for dinner.
I want you to make a good impression on Ms.
Vanderbucks.
She's the president of Web Corporation.
The sooner I buy her land, the sooner we go camping.
In that case, we'll make this a presto change-o.
- [Doorbell rings] - Do hurry, Mr.
McDuck, madame is here.
[Panting] This place is too big.
Running through 47 rooms wears a man out.
Welcome to me mansion, Ms.
Vanderbucks.
Charming.
Reminds me of my cabin in the Vienna woods.
Small, but quaint.
Uh, aye.
Well, I'm thinking of expanding.
Forty-seven rooms is just too small.
These are my nephews, young Webbigail, and their nanny, Mrs.
Beakley.
They live here.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- [Boys] Hello.
- Children? How ghastly How charming.
There's something about her I don't like.
If she offered me an apple in the forest, I sure wouldn't eat it.
Oh, Scrooge, you must've been a beautiful baby.
Aye, and thrifty too.
My first words as a wee McDuckling were "cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap.
" Really? Mine too.
We have so much in common.
It's uncanny.
You know, Scrooge, you're the type of man I like doing business with.
And for that, I'm going to sell you that land you wanted.
McWonderful! In fact, I think you and I could make beautiful business deals together.
- Don't you? - Indeed I do.
This could be the beginning of a lovely business affair.
[Giggling] Gross! What's wrong with Uncle Scrooge? Why is he acting so loony? I'm afraid he's been struck by Cupid's arrow.
Right through the wallet.
Oh, no! Uncle Scrooge is mushing out! Good work, Millionara.
Scrooge is falling in love.
And when he's in love, you'll get what you love His mansion, his investments, his money.
Isn't love grand? In fact, several million grand.
Now can we go on that camping trip? We can look for the lost relish in Malaria later, boys.
Millionara and I have more business to take care of together.
We better keep an eye on him.
[Indistinct chattering] [Whispering] Stocks up 24 points.
Bonds up three.
Commodities up nine.
Ooh.
Aah.
You say such sweet things.
I can feel my profits soar.
Look, his and her wallets.
Let's buy them.
Where will it all end? [Both chuckling] [Door shuts] Uncle Scrooge hasn't read us a story or played with us in weeks.
I haven't seen Uncle Scrooge so wacko since he told us about his old girlfriend Goldie.
Hey, we should remind Uncle Scrooge how much he loves Goldie.
Maybe then he'll forget about Millionara.
Good idea, Millionara's arrow is nothing compared to Goldie's shotgun.
- Uh, Millionara.
- You may call me Millie.
Millie.
[chuckling] [Clears throat] You know, it's rare when a woman compounds my interest daily.
Oh, Scroogie Bucks, what are you trying to say? Well, there comes a time in a man's life when he must incorporate.
Yes, yes.
[Scrooge] What would you say to, uh a merger? Why, Sugar Stocks, is that a proposal? Aye, it is, my little Corporate Cupcake.
Does this mean someday we'll have little business ventures together? [Chuckling] I wouldn't mind a wee dividend or two, my fiscal filly.
In that case, I accept.
I'll be Mrs.
Millionara McDuck.
I cant wait to take you home to meet - Your mother? my accountant.
I'm the happiest man in my tax bracket.
Oh, Boffoms, I am so in love In love with Scrooge's money! And soon, this will all be mine.
Of course, I will have to make some big changes.
To start, I'll give Scrooge's butler and nanny the pink slip.
And those kids, they have got to go.
I'll have the boys sent to military school and the little girl to the Snobbily Stuck Up Finishing School, so that she can grow up to be just like me.
It's going to be so much nicer around here with me in charge.
[Cackling] Coast is clear.
Let's go.
[All grunt] And where do you think you're going? We're running away from that mean old Millionara.
She said she's going to send us away to military school.
And me to finishing school.
I don't want to be finished.
Now, now, Webby, Millionara doesn't want to break up our happy home, she wants to be part of it.
What do you care, she's giving you a gift.
A pink slip.
Oh, boys, a pink slip isn't a gift.
It means I'm fired.
Fired! Oh, where is she? I'll give her more than a piece of my mind.
That won't do any good, Mrs.
Beakley.
Then we'll tell Mr.
McDuck.
We did.
He's so lovesick he just said, "Aww, that's nice, lads.
" What we have to do is stop the wedding.
- Good morning, Mr.
McDuck.
- And what a good morning it is.
Today's the day I buy Millionara her wedding gift.
Oh, what a hard choice that will be.
A woman of her wealth must have everything.
I never thought of that.
What do you think I should get her? Oh, something rare, something valuable, something one of a kind.
Like that lost relish of malaria.
Of course! What more perfect gift than a treasure.
And think how Millionara will appreciate going with you to find it.
Aye.
I'll show her I'm willing to go to the ends of the Earth for her.
[chuckles] I cannot wait to tell her.
Well, Money Honey, if you insist on going to Malaysia, at least let me call my travel agent and make some hotel reservations.
But, Dollar Doll, we're going to rough it.
Rough it? You mean a hotel without a beauty parlor? Hotel? Beauty parlor? What a rich sense of humor.
We're going to camp in the jungle.
Jungle? I'm not camping in any jungle.
We understand.
That's what the other women said.
Yeah, the ones Uncle Scrooge never got around to marrying.
Ready to go, Poopsy Cash? Sounds like fun, Love Bucks.
Since we're roughing it, I'm glad I only packed the bare necessities.
Tote those bags, pip squeaks.
[Beakley] Good luck, boys.
Don't worry, Mrs.
Beakley.
By the time we get back, she'll be wishing she never met this family.
I know exactly what you mean.
[Chuckling] Have you ever smelled air so fresh? Launchpad, you stay here and set up camp while we search for the lost relics.
Got ya, Mr.
McD.
Time for rotten prank number one.
This spray honey ought to do the trick.
Want some pest repellent, Aunt Millie? Thank you, boys, how thoughtful.
[Buzzing] [Shrieking] The river.
Wash them off in the river.
- Are you OK, Money Muffin? - Fine.
I guess if interest rates can take a dip, so can I.
[chuckles] Time for rotten prank number two.
- [Howling] - What is that? - A Malaysian fizzlesmasher.
- A what? It's a ferocious beast with a long trunk.
- Claws.
- Horns.
And warts all over.
There's only one thing that scares off a Malaysian fizzlesmasher.
What? Supplies and equipment.
Surround yourself with them.
The more you carry, the safer you are.
If you're making this up, I'm going to give you a few Fort Knox over the head.
[Howling continues] [Millionara gasping] Are you OK, my Dollar Dumpling? Sure you want to carry all the supplies? Don't worry about me, Sweet Stocks, you go on ahead while I take five.
Oh, what a woman.
Boys, you stay here with Aunt Millie.
[Huey] Oh-oh.
Our Junior Woodchuck Manual says to be prepared for bush ducks.
Bush ducks? Yeah, mean Malaysian natives with bad eyesight.
You never know when or who they'll attack.
You boys help Aunt Millie up while I take a look inside this cave for the lost relics.
Wait till Aunt Millie gets a load of these.
[Gasping] Help! I'm being ambush ducked.
- Oops.
- You brats! The minute I march down the aisle is the minute you march off to military school.
[Shrieks] Help! I found the relics and it is relish.
Millionara! Help! Send a yacht! Throw a credit line! Anything! Uncle Scrooge, look! Millionara's heading straight for the waterfall.
I'm too rich to die! Launchpad, get up here ASAP.
Yo.
ASAP, whatever that means.
As sour as pickles? As sweet as popsicles? As stupid as possible? - Yeah, that's it.
- As soon as possible! Head for the waterfall.
Grab a hold, my little Candy Coin.
Lower, Launchpad.
Not that low.
Just a wee bit higher, Launchpad.
[Both scream] Whoops.
That darn eject button is always getting in the way.
I've had it! How much more can I take? If you think this is fun, just think how much you'll enjoy all the other trips Uncle Scrooge goes on.
Never again.
Nothing is worth this misery.
Waterfalls, bush ducks, Malaysian fizzlesmashers.
Get me out of this stinkin' fresh air! Bush ducks? Malaysian fizzlesmashers? Boys, what is going on? We don't want you to marry her.
You've mushed out of control.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Trying to ruin my merger marriage.
[Chuckling] I'm sorry this happened.
What do you say we go home and tie the knot? Ten-hut.
No autographs, please.
[Indistinct chattering] Out of my way, stand aside.
We're here on business.
[Clears throat] Excuse me, but you weren't invited.
Since when do you have to be invited to rob a bank? My orders are explicit.
No uninvited guests to the McDuck-Vanderbucks wedding.
Scrooge? Getting hitched? Now away with you ruffians.
I wouldn't miss this for anything.
Come on, we need to find disguises.
Where is that best man of mine? Excuse me, Mr.
McDuck, I want to show you the wedding present I invented before the ceremony begins.
My automatic rice thrower.
- Hi, Uncle Scrooge.
- Donald, my best man.
- Did you bring the ring? - I sure did.
Thank goodness.
I don't want anything to go wrong today.
The ring! Catch it! Out of my way! Please stand aside, best man coming through.
[Squabbling] Do you have an invitation? Since when do bridesmaids need an invitation? Always the bridesmaids, never the brides.
Let's see, do I have everything? Something old, my money.
Something new, his money.
Something borrowed, more money.
And something green, all our money.
[Soft music plays] Where is Donald with that ring? Ready to ship out, cadets? We are gathered here to merge these two in the stocks and bonds of matrimony.
There there, don't cry.
You're not losing a boss, you're gaining a bossy in-law.
But we are losing a boss.
Don't you see? Once they tie the knot, we're out on the street.
Boy, is Mr.
McD going to be surprised by my wedding gift.
[chuckling] Do you, Millionara Vanderbucks, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband in recession and inflation, for profit or for loss, for the rest of your fiscal years, 'till bankruptcy do you part? Yes, yes, I'll take him.
I'll take him for everything he has.
Millionara, are you marrying me just for my money? No, not just for your money.
I want your stocks, bonds, and other investments too.
Now where's my ring? [Donald squabbling] And do you, Scrooge McDuck, take Millionara to be your lawful wedded wife? Uh, now wait just a moment.
Wait? I want to get this merger over with before the stock market closes.
Why, Millie, you do want to marry me just for my money.
You say "I do", and I'll show you the breech of my shotgun.
[Crowd gasps] Goldie, my true love.
[Gunfire] You no good varmint! I'll teach you to lay eyes on another woman.
- Yahoo! - Let's hear it for Goldie! Who invited her to the wedding? She wasn't on our guest list.
She was on ours.
[Millionara bawls] My honeymoon in Fort Knox, it's ruined.
I'll never be in love again.
Not like I was with his money.
There, there, no need to cry, lassie.
That no good Scrooge McDuck - isn't worth marrying.
- Who are you? Flintheart Glomgold, the second wealthiest duck in Duckburg.
Oh, is there a Mrs.
Second Wealthiest Duck in Duckburg? Well, uh, I Wait for me, McDuck! Well, so it won't be a total loss, let's rob the bank.
[Screaming] [Chuckling] Goldie, so nice to see you again.
Come back here, you two-timer.
There's Mr.
McD.
That's my cue.
Rice-a-rooni.
[Gunfire] Goldie, love, I never knew you cared this much.
[Scrooge howls]