DuckTales (2017) s01e04 Episode Script

The Beagle Birthday Massacre!

1 Compass? CB radio? Sunscreen.
Hot dog costumes! I'm sorry, what? You know, in case we get lost at sea and one of us Probably Louie Goes mad with hunger, we'll put these on! Louie hates hot dogs, so he probably won't eat us.
Are you saying that Louie would rather eat us than hot dogs? I do hate hot dogs.
I think we'll be good.
[birds squawk] So what do you need me to do? I think that's everything.
Louie's got the canteens, Dewey's got the paddles Nautical leap! Yar! - Oof! - And nailed it.
[fighting noises] Relax, we've taken this old kayak out dozens of times We got this.
Maybe I could be in charge of the map.
Oh, Huey always handles the map, thanks to old Captain Lost here.
Hey! That's Captain Lost, sir, to you.
Captain Lost! Captain Lost! - [laughing] - I don't know why we're laughing! Ah, it's this whole crazy story where we all went kayaking, and Louie Got lost? Yeah.
You sorta had to be there, I guess.
But now you will be! Onward, to adventure! - [all grunting] - Pardon me.
Come on, why aren't we "to adventuring"? [gasps] Oof! I guess we never had to stick four people in this thing.
Here, Webby, you can take my spot.
- No, no, it's okay.
- Are you sure? Yeah, I'll just go when you guys get back.
Unless Captain Lost gets us lost again! Captain Lost! Captain Lost! It's just so fun to chant! [dramatic music] "Lost Sailor caught in a deadly whirlpool.
No hope of survival! Help!" Looks like Webby's going out to sea after all.
Life is like a hurricane Here in Duckburg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck-blur We might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Ducktales, whoo-ooh Every day they're out there making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring-do Bad and good-luck tales Whoo-ooh D-d-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Ducktales Whoo-ooh Every day they're out there Making Ducktales Whoo-ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not phony tales or cottontails No, Ducktales! I'll save you, noble sailor! "Shipwrecked freighter crew surrounded by dolphins?!" Aw "who are tearing us limb from limb!" Oh, no! I'll what? I'm here to save either a sailor, group of sailors, or a shark from a sea serpent/ pirate/M-agent/and/or scurvy! What? N-no, those are from me.
I'm just messing around, you know, like a game? Fun! Let me try! "Please recycle this bottle.
" Okay, I don't think you get this game.
Hi, I'm Webby.
Mm.
Hey.
Is that a vintage Sumerian talisman? Dunno.
Found it at a thrift shop.
How ha! You got some pink in your hair.
I-I think someone pranked you.
It's supposed to look this way.
Oh! Oh I like your shirt! Mm, not my shirt.
Actually got it off the lead singer of the Featherweights after a gig in Paris.
You've been to Paris?! You haven't? Oh, you gotta go.
It's like here, only fancier.
I've always wanted to go to Paris, crawl around in the catacombs, maybe touch a skull.
[giggles] Welp, game over.
I got it! [grunting] Here! That was actually pretty cool.
Are you, like, in the circus? Circus acrobats keep elephant hairs in their pockets for good luck! I don't know why I just told you that, or why I'm still talking, or why I pointed out the fact I'm still talking, or - Whoa, easy, Flippy.
- Webby! Lena.
Thanks for the bottle.
[splashes] Hey, you wanna come with me to this blowout on the edge of town? Should be cool.
I've never actually seen a proper explosion! It's another name for "party.
" Yep! Totally knew that.
Could we just wait for my friends so I could let them know where I'm going? But the party could be over by then.
Come on, it'll be an adventure! This is a party? All the best parties are at burnt-out junkyards.
So I'm gonna need you to do your whole pom-pom hardcore thing up the wall, drop down and open the door for me.
Cool? Cool! Wait, aren't you invited? It's not an adventure if you're invited.
[grunting] [crashing] - Got it! - Nice.
Oh yeah! You want to blow it up, don't you? [imitates explosion] [explosion dwindles] [rock playing] Wow! My first costume party! Oh, this isn't a costume party.
- [gasps] - And then What are the Beagle Boys doing here? Everyone here is a Beagle.
It's a Beagle Boy party! - [door slams] - My boys! [cheering] Look around! You can see the future of Duckburg is ours! It warms my heart to see all of you here together as a family The Original Classics, the Glam Yankees, the Deju Vus, the Sixth Avenue Meanies, the Sixth Avenue Frendlies, the Longboard Taquitos, the Deju Vus, the Tumblebums, ugh, the Ugly Failures, and the Deju Vus.
What do you all have in common? You love your mom! Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Mom This is Ma Beagle's birthday party? Happy birthday to you [cheering] We've gotta get out of here.
[grunts] You're the brat that got Ma busted! Say what now? Uh-uh, no way.
Ma said we're not supposed to mess with them, remember? That's the brat that got me busted! Bring her here! Oh, every single time.
- Huh? - Whaaa! [laughing] Run, Webby! Thanks for the hospitality! Sorry we have to go! [spits] Get 'em! [both panting] We almost died! We almost died! [both gasp] [angry growls] [both] We're gonna die! [screaming] [honking] Oh, come on.
Come on.
[frightened yells] [back-up noise beeping] [grunting] - Hurry! - Rwargh! Real smooth moves back there.
Ha! Thanks! Wait, was that sarcastic? - Nope.
- Ha! Thanks! Wait, was that? What does Ma Beagle have against you, anyway? Oh, nothing! She tried to kidnap me, so I ensnared her in an improvised ball-pit man-trap.
All right, where to now? That's my house.
If we can make it there, we'll be safe.
Whoa, you fight mob bosses and you live in a mansion? You're kinda something else, aren't you, Pink? - Aah! - We're the Longboard Taquitos! Wow, you guys are so extreme! What are you gonna do, ollie all the way over here? Shred the norm, brah! Maybe we shouldn't keep taunting them.
Taquitos got me so ramped! Foiled to the max! In here! [growls] This is Ma Beagle with a very special birthday request.
Get those brats for me before they make it to McDuck Manor! That'd be the best gift a mother could get.
This is our shot, guys.
Maybe the Ugly Failures might actually become the Ugly Winners! Couldn't we just be the Winners? Now, let's not get crazy.
They're blocking the exit! Plan A.
We survey the area, find another exit Plan B? Who needs a plan? No, wait! [British accent] Oi, mates! Fancy seeing you lot in this here warehouse! Um, who are you? Who are we? We're the Beagle Birds, Ma's adopted daughters from across the pond, like.
Did Ma ever mention a pond to you? I don't think she could swim.
I don't even think she showers! I smell a rat.
We're from England, guv, just a little Cockney, innit? Uh, meat pies, bangers and mash Britty, darling, oh, there you are! Oh, thank you, gents! My sister and I will be certain to tell our dearest Mama Beagle of the gracious hospitality we've received here in the Colonies.
This is Brittania, and I'm, er Englabeth.
She talks fancy.
I trust her.
Well, they are family.
I mean, why would they lie? Marvelous! Well, it was wonderful to meet you.
- I'm taking this.
- Well, um A keepsake of our serendipitous meeting! Stupendous! Ta-ta! Wait, was that them? You totally clowned those jokers, and we got a radio so we can track them! Where did you get that tea-and-crumpets talk? I live with my British granny in a Scottish mansion.
I didn't hear an American accent till I was, like, seven.
With my brains and your weirdly specific super-brains, we could run this town! Innit that right, Englabeth? Most indubitably, Brittania! Hah! Wait until the guys hear my new nickname! You mean those three nerds who ditched you on a beach? Yeah, they sound real fun.
Oh, no, no! There were only three spots on the boat, so I let them go.
We're cool like that.
It's a family thing.
Family, huh? Not really my thing.
But family is the best! You go on adventures together, make inside jokes! Like there was this hilarious joke where they went out boating and Huey got them lost, and since then, they call him Captain Lost! [laughter falls] Yeah, I don't get it, either.
Uff! Sometimes it's like they have their own secret language.
It's just I don't know.
They have so much history together.
Well, now we have history.
- [rustling] - [gasps] - [screams] - Lena, no! These are the guys I was talking about! - Oh.
- [groans] Lena, this is Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
Webby, we've been looking for you everywhere! Cute, with the names and the color-coded outfits.
Is that, like, your thing, you're all exactly the same? [all] Hah! No way! We're all unique snowflakes! Well, this usually never happens! This is really weird! Okay, stop talking! Antidisestablishmentarianism! Seriously? Gah! Seriously, Webby, where have you been? We've been worried out of our minds! Well, uh, Lena and I Right, you were so worried that you left her on a beach and didn't show up for four hours? We got lost! Thanks to old Captain Lost! Why would you put me in charge of the map again? This is not on me.
Captain Lost! Captain Lost! Ooh, you change the tone of that chant! Yeah, they seem like real tight cruel.
Guys, easy! We were just having a little adventure.
[trees whistling] [owl hoots] What was that? Shh! - [grunts] - Ma to the Tumblebums.
The rugrats have been spotted in your turf.
Make 'em sorry they crashed our party! The Tumblebums? They sound adorable! [evil cackling] Never mind.
- No way! You check! - No, you check! - Ohh - You go right now! [indistinct arguing] Why are the Beagle Boys even after you? Because we shoved their mother's face in a cake.
Try to keep up, Louie.
Heh! Well, we've kind of been having a girls' night.
[animalistic shouts] We need a plan.
Okay, we've got a compass, a half-empty canteen, three old banana peels Wait, wait, three? - Did you eat my banana? - Yeah, it's called stress eating, okay, - and it's a stressful situation.
- [grunting] Hey, I need my potassium! Let's make a break for it.
- What? - Let the boy band be bait while we sneak out.
I can't leave them! You mean like they left you alone on that beach? Come on, don't you trust me? [boys grunting] Wait right here.
[scoffs] Whatever.
[all grunting] Stop.
Think.
Okay, how do you get rid of an evil clown? [evil cackling] Yah! [boys cheering] Lena, did you see that? - Lena? - [boys cheering] You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's dumb.
I just I thought Lena and I could maybe have what you three have.
I promise we'll never leave you off the boat again.
We'll leave Louie.
He's bad at most things.
[both laughing] "Webby, I've been kidnapped by the Beagle Boys.
" Wait, is this another prank? "This is not a prank.
Lena.
" She didn't ditch me! She was captured! Oh, wait, she was captured.
[gasps] Aah! [grunts] [radio static] [Ma Beagle] I'm on my way, boys.
I may not have gotten to eat my birthday cake, but at least I'll get a little slice of revenge.
We have to help her! We should go get Uncle Scrooge and Beakley and a couple of tanks.
There's no time.
Look, me and Lena fought a truck and beat the Taquitos and were British together.
I don't know what any of that means.
Now you know how I feel half the time.
You wouldn't leave each other behind and I'm not leaving her.
Now, come on! And this time I'm getting a spot in the stupid boat! Uh, guys, I kind of got a situation here.
A little help? [grunting] Rough day, huh? Well, here.
Courtesy of the Sixth Avenue Friendlies.
Courtesy of the Sixth Avenue Meanies.
[glass shatters] Psst, over here! Webby, you came! Like I would ditch you.
We're the Beagle Birds.
[Webby grunting] You two ladies have given us a lot of trouble tonight.
But it'll be worth it when Ma sees her birthday gift.
And we got some early Mother's Day shopping - out of the way, too.
- [laughing] Big Time to Ma, Big Time to Ma, what's your 10-20? Seriously, your rescue plan was to throw yourself blindly into the middle of the entire Beagle Family? How is that any different than what you did at the junkyard? I wasn't tied up at the junkyard.
Now they have what we have.
Now I remember why I avoid family.
- All they do is - Fight? Okay, Ma should be here any second.
When Botched Job gives the signal, we all leap out and yell surprise.
- Any questions? - [Lena] Yeah, I got one.
Which one of you gets to hand us over? Say what, now? I mean, you could all hand us over and share the credit, or Well, obviously we should do it.
I mean, we're, like, the main guys, right? - Give someone else a chance.
- Yeah.
We're, like, anti-authority, bro.
We don't believe in following.
Yeah, and I'm pretty sure they was adopted.
Now that was uncalled for, Mister.
Even if I have heard the same rumor.
[whistling] Oh, finally! - [grunts] - Hey, who threw that? [Beagles chanting] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! [Beagles clamoring and chanting] Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Whoa [grunts] Whoa! [growling] [Webby grunting] [Beagles grunting] [Beagle yells] - Yah! - Let go! Whoa! [grunts] [Beagle yells] [all grunting] [tires screeching] [all grunting] Hey! - [honks horn] - Where are the brats? [all] Um For the love of That's it.
None of you get birthdays this year.
[all Beagles] Aww.
That was awesome! How you made the Beagle Boys fight each other so we could escape, and then Well, you shimmied up that pillar like a pro.
You turned the entire Beagle family against each other with a question.
You are my new favorite.
No big.
That's what family's about, eh, Englabeth? Oh, I knew you'd come through in a spot, Brittania.
A lil Penny-come-quick to get ya yet to be.
Fluff and nonsense.
[girls laughing] You kinda had to be there.
[buzzes] Summoned spirit from the dark, show thyself before this arc.
Free thy dread soul from its prison, Once more shall thee be risen! Aunt Magica, I'm in.