Eagleheart (2010) s03e08 Episode Script
Spats
Bing bop beep bop bo ba Dee dee dee boo bee bop bop bom bom Beep boop doowop I think that one's called "Hotel California.
" And now I'd like to do for you some-- (gasps) - Ooh.
- What? I just got the distinct sensation down in my family parts that somebody out there needs my help, and it's kind of getting me going.
Pull over, Susie.
I got to find a Filene's changing room.
No, we are not stopping.
We're on the run.
We're fugitives.
Bo tay ho tay boo dee boo dee boo (grunts) Sheesh.
What happened here? This place is really sucking the horny right out of my Dockers.
(humming) That was probably the guy that needed your help.
- All right, let's go.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
- Hang on.
- What's wrong? (chuckles) Susie, are you blind? Look around.
Everybody's shoes are scuffed.
So ? So no wonder this place has hit the skids.
Nobody wants to do business with a man with dirty shoes.
These are the poor saps I was meant to help.
You really think it's a good idea to stop our search for Brett to solve the case of the scuffed shoes? Excuse me, wrinkles.
Where might a gentleman with the purest of intentions find a young shoeshine boy in this fair town of yours? Shoeshine boys? (chuckles) Why? Millbrook's not seen a shine boy in nearly over 25 years.
Well, what happened to them? Oh, one day they just all up and left us.
No one ever found where they went.
Huh! Case closed.
(clears throat) Susan, mein Papi once told me that a man is only as good as the shine on his shoes.
We're gonna give this poor town its shine back.
Chris, I don't think that we have time f-- Okay, good.
All right, we got everything.
We got rags, we got shoe polish made from cocoa butter and Captain's lung hackings.
And we're Oh, okay.
Look alive, Olivier.
Come on.
Say, this here shoeshine boy is giving me the shine of a lifetime at a price affordable to all.
Shine? Shoeshine boy? Here? Shine? - Shoeshine? - Kill him! (siren wailing) Get that shine boy! (all shouting) It's working.
They think you're a boy.
Run, you idiot! Over here, fella! (panting) You was lucky I caught you in time.
Those Millbrookers would've torn you limb from limb.
They don't take to our kind up there in the human world.
- Where are we? - I don't know, but Daddy likey.
Underground world -- check.
Weirdos that don't consider themselves human -- double check.
Businessman! Hey! Whoa.
Fellas, I ain't no businessman.
- He's clean.
- And I'm not a shine boy.
- I'm a lady.
- Lady! Hey.
Hey.
Back off, you creeps.
Just kidding, mister.
Shine boys don't have family parts.
Now, what brings you two to these parts? Well, we're looking for the lost shine boys of Millbrook.
You don't say.
Fellas, where's your hospitali-shine? (gasps) Oh, my God! It's really you! Welcome to Shineytown, folks.
Name's Spats, and these are the fellas.
(chuckling) Hi.
Why did you guys abandon those bloodthirsty maniacs up there? We didn't abandon squat.
They ran us off Everything was hunky-dory between us and them up until one day when two shine boys, both with the need for quick shines themselves, got the notion that shining each other's shoes might be more comfortable than self-shining.
Huh.
That's when we invented It's the best of both worlds.
You get to shine shoes and you get to get your shoes shined.
Oh, it makes the soul sing, mister.
But the townsfolk thought there was something wrong with it.
They said 60-shining was unnatural, an abomination.
A shoeshine is between a shine boy and a businessman, Not a shine boy and a -- a shine boy named Steve.
Kill them! (siren wailing) They chased us away, and we found this place.
(mob shouting) (door slams) Here we can spend our days doing what comes natural, sole trains -- spelled s-o-l-e.
Well, it seems like you guys have it all figured out - so we're just gonna -- - No.
No.
No.
No.
Not so fast.
You shouldn't have to hide down here.
No, Chris.
We should.
We're disgusting through and through.
Oh, Spats.
You know, those people up there, they're not evil.
They're just old-fashioned and quick to rage.
If we could convince them of the innocence of your joy, then they'd accept you.
- But how, Chris? - Well, you said that 60-shining makes your soul sing.
Yeah.
I said that.
So why don't we try to win them over with a song? Huh? Shine, shine, shoobely shine I'll shine your shoes if you shine mine Shine, shine, doobely dine The polish flows like a heavenly wine (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine I shine your shoes and you shine mine Whoa! Shine, shine, shoobely shine Gonna shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine Shining shoes chase away them blues (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine It's the polish, it's the leather It's the way they go together (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine - Come on, guys! - Everybody! (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine - Everybody gonna shine - (all) Everybody gonna shine - Everybody gonna shine - (all) Gonna shoobely shine People of Millbrook, it's time to put away decades of prejudice.
These shine boys aren't monsters.
They're just a bunch of mildly weird-looking, small, creepy guys.
Let's look to our hearts.
What do you say, folks? We may have judged you boys a little harshly.
Yeah! (together) Shine, shine, shoobely shine Get kneelin' and start the healin', boys! (together) Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine All right.
You win.
Your shoes are all so clean.
I figure they've got to be about the shiniest things on Earth.
(warbling) God! They're too shiny! (people screaming) (siren wailing) (screams) (gunshots) (screams) (both scream) Now shine and become death, destroyer of worlds.
Froggy! Don't! Commercial plane down.
Missiles fired.
Scramble everything we've got.
We're taking out Millbrook.
(rapid gunfire) What are we doing? Can someone tell me what the [bleep.]
we're doing?! Chill out, Hammerhead! Chill the [bleep.]
out! No! (siren continues) (gunfire) (gunfire) (grunts) - (gasps) - Whoa.
(car horn buzzes) (smacks) - (screams) - Wow! (horse neighs) (smacks) (sneezes) (slide whistle) (explosion) (explosions in distance) Well, I got to hand it to you, old lady.
You guys were right about these shine boys.
Oh, shut up, idiot.
You ruined our town.
Everybody I know is dead.
Well, pardon me for trying to help.
Geez, you believe this hag? (snarls) Hey! What are you doing? What? I thought you was one of them dead bodies.
Oh! Sweet Jehovah! Either I've suffered some shine-related corneal damage or you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
Doreen.
Ah.
Mmm.
Mm.
Oh.
(crunching) Ah! Ah! Stop it! - What? - I was just taking his teeth.
Not so I could barter with the Tooth Baron.
- So we can make out.
- Oh.
No.
No.
No.
We are not picking up any more weird women.
Mm! I can't take it anymore! I'm coming for you! Sheila! No! (screams) This ends now.
(groans) (gasps) Oh, God.
Spats (whimpering) Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
(horn honks) - We're done here.
- Yes, we are.
And for your information, I think we were very helpful.
Da, da, da, da, da La, da, da, da, da, da Da, dam, da, da, da
" And now I'd like to do for you some-- (gasps) - Ooh.
- What? I just got the distinct sensation down in my family parts that somebody out there needs my help, and it's kind of getting me going.
Pull over, Susie.
I got to find a Filene's changing room.
No, we are not stopping.
We're on the run.
We're fugitives.
Bo tay ho tay boo dee boo dee boo (grunts) Sheesh.
What happened here? This place is really sucking the horny right out of my Dockers.
(humming) That was probably the guy that needed your help.
- All right, let's go.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
- Hang on.
- What's wrong? (chuckles) Susie, are you blind? Look around.
Everybody's shoes are scuffed.
So ? So no wonder this place has hit the skids.
Nobody wants to do business with a man with dirty shoes.
These are the poor saps I was meant to help.
You really think it's a good idea to stop our search for Brett to solve the case of the scuffed shoes? Excuse me, wrinkles.
Where might a gentleman with the purest of intentions find a young shoeshine boy in this fair town of yours? Shoeshine boys? (chuckles) Why? Millbrook's not seen a shine boy in nearly over 25 years.
Well, what happened to them? Oh, one day they just all up and left us.
No one ever found where they went.
Huh! Case closed.
(clears throat) Susan, mein Papi once told me that a man is only as good as the shine on his shoes.
We're gonna give this poor town its shine back.
Chris, I don't think that we have time f-- Okay, good.
All right, we got everything.
We got rags, we got shoe polish made from cocoa butter and Captain's lung hackings.
And we're Oh, okay.
Look alive, Olivier.
Come on.
Say, this here shoeshine boy is giving me the shine of a lifetime at a price affordable to all.
Shine? Shoeshine boy? Here? Shine? - Shoeshine? - Kill him! (siren wailing) Get that shine boy! (all shouting) It's working.
They think you're a boy.
Run, you idiot! Over here, fella! (panting) You was lucky I caught you in time.
Those Millbrookers would've torn you limb from limb.
They don't take to our kind up there in the human world.
- Where are we? - I don't know, but Daddy likey.
Underground world -- check.
Weirdos that don't consider themselves human -- double check.
Businessman! Hey! Whoa.
Fellas, I ain't no businessman.
- He's clean.
- And I'm not a shine boy.
- I'm a lady.
- Lady! Hey.
Hey.
Back off, you creeps.
Just kidding, mister.
Shine boys don't have family parts.
Now, what brings you two to these parts? Well, we're looking for the lost shine boys of Millbrook.
You don't say.
Fellas, where's your hospitali-shine? (gasps) Oh, my God! It's really you! Welcome to Shineytown, folks.
Name's Spats, and these are the fellas.
(chuckling) Hi.
Why did you guys abandon those bloodthirsty maniacs up there? We didn't abandon squat.
They ran us off Everything was hunky-dory between us and them up until one day when two shine boys, both with the need for quick shines themselves, got the notion that shining each other's shoes might be more comfortable than self-shining.
Huh.
That's when we invented It's the best of both worlds.
You get to shine shoes and you get to get your shoes shined.
Oh, it makes the soul sing, mister.
But the townsfolk thought there was something wrong with it.
They said 60-shining was unnatural, an abomination.
A shoeshine is between a shine boy and a businessman, Not a shine boy and a -- a shine boy named Steve.
Kill them! (siren wailing) They chased us away, and we found this place.
(mob shouting) (door slams) Here we can spend our days doing what comes natural, sole trains -- spelled s-o-l-e.
Well, it seems like you guys have it all figured out - so we're just gonna -- - No.
No.
No.
No.
Not so fast.
You shouldn't have to hide down here.
No, Chris.
We should.
We're disgusting through and through.
Oh, Spats.
You know, those people up there, they're not evil.
They're just old-fashioned and quick to rage.
If we could convince them of the innocence of your joy, then they'd accept you.
- But how, Chris? - Well, you said that 60-shining makes your soul sing.
Yeah.
I said that.
So why don't we try to win them over with a song? Huh? Shine, shine, shoobely shine I'll shine your shoes if you shine mine Shine, shine, doobely dine The polish flows like a heavenly wine (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine I shine your shoes and you shine mine Whoa! Shine, shine, shoobely shine Gonna shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine Shining shoes chase away them blues (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine It's the polish, it's the leather It's the way they go together (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine - Come on, guys! - Everybody! (all) Shine, shine, shoobely shine Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine - Everybody gonna shine - (all) Everybody gonna shine - Everybody gonna shine - (all) Gonna shoobely shine People of Millbrook, it's time to put away decades of prejudice.
These shine boys aren't monsters.
They're just a bunch of mildly weird-looking, small, creepy guys.
Let's look to our hearts.
What do you say, folks? We may have judged you boys a little harshly.
Yeah! (together) Shine, shine, shoobely shine Get kneelin' and start the healin', boys! (together) Shine, shine, shoobely shi-ine All right.
You win.
Your shoes are all so clean.
I figure they've got to be about the shiniest things on Earth.
(warbling) God! They're too shiny! (people screaming) (siren wailing) (screams) (gunshots) (screams) (both scream) Now shine and become death, destroyer of worlds.
Froggy! Don't! Commercial plane down.
Missiles fired.
Scramble everything we've got.
We're taking out Millbrook.
(rapid gunfire) What are we doing? Can someone tell me what the [bleep.]
we're doing?! Chill out, Hammerhead! Chill the [bleep.]
out! No! (siren continues) (gunfire) (gunfire) (grunts) - (gasps) - Whoa.
(car horn buzzes) (smacks) - (screams) - Wow! (horse neighs) (smacks) (sneezes) (slide whistle) (explosion) (explosions in distance) Well, I got to hand it to you, old lady.
You guys were right about these shine boys.
Oh, shut up, idiot.
You ruined our town.
Everybody I know is dead.
Well, pardon me for trying to help.
Geez, you believe this hag? (snarls) Hey! What are you doing? What? I thought you was one of them dead bodies.
Oh! Sweet Jehovah! Either I've suffered some shine-related corneal damage or you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.
Doreen.
Ah.
Mmm.
Mm.
Oh.
(crunching) Ah! Ah! Stop it! - What? - I was just taking his teeth.
Not so I could barter with the Tooth Baron.
- So we can make out.
- Oh.
No.
No.
No.
We are not picking up any more weird women.
Mm! I can't take it anymore! I'm coming for you! Sheila! No! (screams) This ends now.
(groans) (gasps) Oh, God.
Spats (whimpering) Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
Shoe me.
(horn honks) - We're done here.
- Yes, we are.
And for your information, I think we were very helpful.
Da, da, da, da, da La, da, da, da, da, da Da, dam, da, da, da