EastSiders (2012) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1 [PHONE VIBRATING.]
[VIBRATING STOPS.]
Morning.
Yeah.
Sleep okay? Okay.
- Do you remember last night? - Yeah.
I told you that I hated your guts and that I never wanted to see you again.
And then you ran away from me and hid under a car.
- I did? - Yeah.
And when we got back home, you made me sleep on the floor.
Next to your puke.
I remember that.
Well Are you sorry? [SIGHS.]
For which part? So do you want to break up? No.
Well, then What's going on? I don't know, maybe I kind of hate you right now, Thom but that doesn't mean that I want to break up.
Jesus.
Meow for me.
Come on, meow.
[CAT MEOWS.]
What do you want me to do? I don't know.
Why does that have to be up to me? Why do I have to decide everything? 'Twas the day before Christmas and all through the hills, the reindeer were playing, enjoying the spills of skating and coasting, and climbing the willows - So, you seeing him today? - Yes.
And you're ending things.
For the thousandth time, yes.
Let me see, thanks.
Wow.
"Really hope your friend's okay.
Can't wait to see you today.
" Good thing you got your brunch shift covered, huh, buddy? How about I text him instead, and we go watch a movie? No.
That wouldn't be fair.
- To who? - To Jeremy.
I'm sorry; he has a name? You've named the fetus that we're aborting? Wow! That transvaginal ultrasound really worked its magic on you.
He's a person, Cal.
I'm aware, at two months he's got fingernails, a heartbeat, a "soul.
" It's not his fault.
Thanks.
Okay.
- I love you.
- Yeah.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Can you come over? I've been calling you all day.
Just fucking come over, okay? [KNOCKING.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
You are shirtless.
You're early.
Come in.
Thanks.
So what movie are we seeing? Um, I'm really not feeling a movie right now.
You just wanna skip straight to drinks? Yeah, a drink might help.
Help with what? I'm just all over the place.
Found you.
You might wanna leave your shoes off, actually.
Why's that? [KNOCKING.]
Just a second! I'm a mess, I know, and I'm sorry.
It's just been one of those days, where the second I get my makeup on I just piss it right off, so you know what I do? I calm down, I clean up, I reapply.
Which makes me remember why I was fucking crying in the first place, and then 'thar see blows' and I just cry all over again All I've done today, Cal, is put on makeup? Thanks for coming.
Six months! We've been together for six months! Congratulations.
No, it's fucking awful! Can I use your bathroom? How old am I, Cal? I am 25.
People do not get married when they are 25, unless they live in Minneapolis.
I do not want to live in Minneapolis! - I'm closing the door.
- Don't close the door.
Rude! Rude! So what happened? Last night, at the anticlimactic apocalypse party.
You were there.
I was a little preoccupied, the world was ending.
Ian just proposed, Cal, marriage, in front of everybody.
What?! What did you say? What was I supposed to say? He had a ring.
Oh, my God, can I see it? No, I am not wearing it for chrissake, I've been dodging him all day! I don't even know what to do.
Isn't that why you called? No, actually.
Where's Thom, anyway? Let's get drunk.
Like, fuck him, like, seriously fuck him.
Is this straight whiskey? I'm hungover.
All right.
Can I tell you a secret? I never liked him anyway.
Not a secret.
I want you to meet my friend Christopher.
I've met Christopher.
You've not given him a chance.
You've gotta take him for a test drive.
We've been together for four years.
We have a cat.
In gay terms that's like, 2.
8 kids.
I think that's your problem.
- What? The cat? - Yeah.
No.
You're gay, right? On the weekends.
Yes, you are gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
So listen, this is actually good.
It means that you do not have to prescribe to all of these, like, heteronormative standards and, like, bullshit mores and puritanical commitments.
It is a little late for that, don't you think? Besides, if I give up on this relationship, Chick-Fil-A wins.
Yeah, but how can you possibly trust him again? Maybe I can't.
Maybe that just has to be okay.
Wow, love is dead because you just killed it.
Bang.
Maybe I should get married.
What? I'm 25, I'm not getting any younger.
I mean, what if I want to have kids or something like that? You hate kids.
Eh, but what if I want them?! You're gonna hate them.
I'm gonna go break up with Ian.
Maybe you should give yourself the night to think about it.
That's a terrible idea.
- Do ya got any Ambien? - [LAUGHS.]
- Thom might? - Mmm-hmm.
- Let's get it, let's get it.
- Alright.
All right, this time.
This one time.
You sure you're okay to walk home like this? Yeah, I do this all the time.
It's really fun for me.
Hey, you sure you don't want to stay at my place tonight? I am sure, thank you.
Well, if you need anything you call me, okay? I will.
Bye.
I love you.
You're gonna be okay.
I love you.
Ah Fuck.
Yeah.
I'm fucked up.
Me too.
No, I mean I'm fucking fucked up.
I'm fucking fucked in the head.
Maybe you should ease up on this stuff for a bit.
I can't do this anymore.
Well, I'm not gonna peer pressure you.
You don't understand.
No, I don't.
You make me feel, amazing.
You don't hate my guts.
You don't judge me.
No, I don't.
You don't know me.
I'm a piece of shit.
I'm sorry.
I really like you, Jeremy.
But I can't see you anymore.
And that's what I came here to tell you, however circuitously.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry.
Um, I should go change.
I'm gonna I'm gonna get dressed outside.
Wait.
Wait.
It's over, okay? No, it isn't.
I want to get to know you, Thom.
Sorry.
[LOUD HUMMING OF LAMP.]
Kathy? Hi.
Do you need some help getting home? This is my home.
This lamp? No, this apartment.
Do you want some ice cream? No, thank you.
You should go home, Thom, while you still can.
I'll do that.
Thanks.
I was right about you, huh? [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE.]
[DOOR OPENING.]
Hey.
I've gotta tell you something.
What? I love you.
[CRYING.]
I love you too, asshole.
I'm puttin' my hopes on you What a foolish thing for me to do Still thinkin' that you could be The one for me and only me You've got a new life to lead Guess I'm the last thing that you need Dressing up hip and going out to go places
[VIBRATING STOPS.]
Morning.
Yeah.
Sleep okay? Okay.
- Do you remember last night? - Yeah.
I told you that I hated your guts and that I never wanted to see you again.
And then you ran away from me and hid under a car.
- I did? - Yeah.
And when we got back home, you made me sleep on the floor.
Next to your puke.
I remember that.
Well Are you sorry? [SIGHS.]
For which part? So do you want to break up? No.
Well, then What's going on? I don't know, maybe I kind of hate you right now, Thom but that doesn't mean that I want to break up.
Jesus.
Meow for me.
Come on, meow.
[CAT MEOWS.]
What do you want me to do? I don't know.
Why does that have to be up to me? Why do I have to decide everything? 'Twas the day before Christmas and all through the hills, the reindeer were playing, enjoying the spills of skating and coasting, and climbing the willows - So, you seeing him today? - Yes.
And you're ending things.
For the thousandth time, yes.
Let me see, thanks.
Wow.
"Really hope your friend's okay.
Can't wait to see you today.
" Good thing you got your brunch shift covered, huh, buddy? How about I text him instead, and we go watch a movie? No.
That wouldn't be fair.
- To who? - To Jeremy.
I'm sorry; he has a name? You've named the fetus that we're aborting? Wow! That transvaginal ultrasound really worked its magic on you.
He's a person, Cal.
I'm aware, at two months he's got fingernails, a heartbeat, a "soul.
" It's not his fault.
Thanks.
Okay.
- I love you.
- Yeah.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Can you come over? I've been calling you all day.
Just fucking come over, okay? [KNOCKING.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
You are shirtless.
You're early.
Come in.
Thanks.
So what movie are we seeing? Um, I'm really not feeling a movie right now.
You just wanna skip straight to drinks? Yeah, a drink might help.
Help with what? I'm just all over the place.
Found you.
You might wanna leave your shoes off, actually.
Why's that? [KNOCKING.]
Just a second! I'm a mess, I know, and I'm sorry.
It's just been one of those days, where the second I get my makeup on I just piss it right off, so you know what I do? I calm down, I clean up, I reapply.
Which makes me remember why I was fucking crying in the first place, and then 'thar see blows' and I just cry all over again All I've done today, Cal, is put on makeup? Thanks for coming.
Six months! We've been together for six months! Congratulations.
No, it's fucking awful! Can I use your bathroom? How old am I, Cal? I am 25.
People do not get married when they are 25, unless they live in Minneapolis.
I do not want to live in Minneapolis! - I'm closing the door.
- Don't close the door.
Rude! Rude! So what happened? Last night, at the anticlimactic apocalypse party.
You were there.
I was a little preoccupied, the world was ending.
Ian just proposed, Cal, marriage, in front of everybody.
What?! What did you say? What was I supposed to say? He had a ring.
Oh, my God, can I see it? No, I am not wearing it for chrissake, I've been dodging him all day! I don't even know what to do.
Isn't that why you called? No, actually.
Where's Thom, anyway? Let's get drunk.
Like, fuck him, like, seriously fuck him.
Is this straight whiskey? I'm hungover.
All right.
Can I tell you a secret? I never liked him anyway.
Not a secret.
I want you to meet my friend Christopher.
I've met Christopher.
You've not given him a chance.
You've gotta take him for a test drive.
We've been together for four years.
We have a cat.
In gay terms that's like, 2.
8 kids.
I think that's your problem.
- What? The cat? - Yeah.
No.
You're gay, right? On the weekends.
Yes, you are gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
So listen, this is actually good.
It means that you do not have to prescribe to all of these, like, heteronormative standards and, like, bullshit mores and puritanical commitments.
It is a little late for that, don't you think? Besides, if I give up on this relationship, Chick-Fil-A wins.
Yeah, but how can you possibly trust him again? Maybe I can't.
Maybe that just has to be okay.
Wow, love is dead because you just killed it.
Bang.
Maybe I should get married.
What? I'm 25, I'm not getting any younger.
I mean, what if I want to have kids or something like that? You hate kids.
Eh, but what if I want them?! You're gonna hate them.
I'm gonna go break up with Ian.
Maybe you should give yourself the night to think about it.
That's a terrible idea.
- Do ya got any Ambien? - [LAUGHS.]
- Thom might? - Mmm-hmm.
- Let's get it, let's get it.
- Alright.
All right, this time.
This one time.
You sure you're okay to walk home like this? Yeah, I do this all the time.
It's really fun for me.
Hey, you sure you don't want to stay at my place tonight? I am sure, thank you.
Well, if you need anything you call me, okay? I will.
Bye.
I love you.
You're gonna be okay.
I love you.
Ah Fuck.
Yeah.
I'm fucked up.
Me too.
No, I mean I'm fucking fucked up.
I'm fucking fucked in the head.
Maybe you should ease up on this stuff for a bit.
I can't do this anymore.
Well, I'm not gonna peer pressure you.
You don't understand.
No, I don't.
You make me feel, amazing.
You don't hate my guts.
You don't judge me.
No, I don't.
You don't know me.
I'm a piece of shit.
I'm sorry.
I really like you, Jeremy.
But I can't see you anymore.
And that's what I came here to tell you, however circuitously.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry.
Um, I should go change.
I'm gonna I'm gonna get dressed outside.
Wait.
Wait.
It's over, okay? No, it isn't.
I want to get to know you, Thom.
Sorry.
[LOUD HUMMING OF LAMP.]
Kathy? Hi.
Do you need some help getting home? This is my home.
This lamp? No, this apartment.
Do you want some ice cream? No, thank you.
You should go home, Thom, while you still can.
I'll do that.
Thanks.
I was right about you, huh? [SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE.]
[DOOR OPENING.]
Hey.
I've gotta tell you something.
What? I love you.
[CRYING.]
I love you too, asshole.
I'm puttin' my hopes on you What a foolish thing for me to do Still thinkin' that you could be The one for me and only me You've got a new life to lead Guess I'm the last thing that you need Dressing up hip and going out to go places