Eastwick s01e11 Episode Script

Red, Bath and Beyond

Previously on Eastwick Your nose is bleeding.
- It's just allergies.
- Go home, rest, nurse Gardener.
- I'm not your father, kid.
- You son of a bitch.
He has to die.
You're the only one powerful enough.
Do this.
And I will kill you if you don't.
- I can't move.
- I can't move my legs.
That would be the poison kicking in, my darlings.
Nighty night.
- Is that peanut brittle? - Fresh from the Eastwick confectionery.
It's for a new recipe I am working on, for a Martini at the Greasy Stool.
It's vodka, coffee liqueur, peanut brittle I call it "the Nut Crusher".
Somehow I don't see too many men ordering that.
I think it's really cool that you're getting into the whole bartending thing.
Seriously, I loved that Jo Jo Julep you made me last week.
Oh no.
I'm becoming one of those people.
You know those people who start bartending To finance their dream Of winning a Pulitzer price for their shocking expose On the horrible state of women's rights in Iran, Only to end up winning the title the most boobtastic bartender in Eastwick Gazette's annual "best of" competition.
I'm sorry.
I thought you'd be flattered that I nominated you.
Don't worry, honey, you're a blogger, not a bartender.
You'll come out with something juicy in no time and leave the Greasy Stool behind.
Actually, I am working on something pretty exciting.
Do you guys remember that unsolved murder from about 25 years ago? What happened to your hair? What do you mean? It's dripping wet.
Oh, my God, you're right.
- How did that happen? - I don't know, but that is really weird.
- I am not feeling so good.
- Okay, Have a drink, you'll feel better.
Mmm, creamy, yet crunchy, you did good, Joanna.
I can't move my arms.
Why can't I move my arms? Maybe they're tired from pounding all that peanut brittle? I'll get it for you.
What? How did that happen? - I knew something bizarre was going on.
- Alright.
Alright, this is really starting to freak me out.
What is going on? Maybe the nut crushers are making us nutty? Either that, or this is just a dream.
That makes sense, I'm dreaming this.
No, I didn't say you were dreaming this, I said I was dreaming this.
Wait, why does it get to be your dream? Because it's from my point of view, which makes you guys figments.
No, it's from my point of view.
Sorry to break the news to you, honey, but you're the figment.
- That's exactly what a figment would say.
- OK, you guys are both figments.
Because this is my dream.
And I really can't move, I'm totally freaking out.
Roxie.
- You ready to go? It's time.
- Time for what? What's he doing here? I have no idea what he'd be doing in my dream.
I think I have to follow him.
No, Roxie, don't go, he wants to hurt you.
Roxie, come on.
I have to go.
- No, you don't have to.
- No, don't go with him, Roxie.
- You guys try and find me, ok? - We will, Rox.
- We will help you, we promise.
- Please come help me.
Eastwick - 01x11 - Red, Bath and Beyond Good morning, sunshine.
Are you ready? What happened? We had a little tussle after you stabbed me in the leg.
I've been cleaning my wounds since you passed out.
You almost slit my throat.
- You tried to kill me last night.
- No, not kill you.
Just calm you down.
I can't kill you, Roxie, I need your help.
- Look, I know you think I'm a bad guy.
- Why would I think that? I don't want to hurt you, I only want to hurt Darryl.
Well, he's bleeding to death on my kitchen floor, I'd say mission accomplished.
You still don't understand, do you? He can't be killed that way.
You have to finish the job.
Only someone as powerful as you is strong enough to kill him.
Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? Why? Because I believe some of us can be supernaturally gifted? That this world is more than it seems? Wouldn't that make both of us crazy? I won't do it, Jamie.
If you refuse, I will kill you.
- I thought you needed me? - Oh, you're useless to me if you won't do it.
And you're also dangerous.
I don't want to kill you, Roxie, but if you refuse, I'll have to.
Then you'll have to kill me.
Look, Roxie, I know, I know I frighten you.
And I know why you want to help him.
But trust me when I say everything he presents to you is merely a disguise.
It's a lie.
He pretends to be what you want him to be so he can get what he wants from you.
He wants to steal your power and then, when he's done with you He'll kill you and never look back.
He's evil, Roxie, pure evil.
And you want to be noble and die in his place? I'd think very carefully about that if I were you.
Now, get up, we have a big day ahead of us.
Max, Are you dead? I'm so sorry that I brought you here.
To drink poisoned tea and get thrown in the cellar by a crazy bird lady.
I know that I act like I hate you, but I really don't.
Not at all.
I think that you're sweet, and smart and funny, and I don't want you to die.
Please, don't be dead, Max.
- Please don't be dead.
- I knew it.
I knew you had a crush on me.
What the hell are you talking about? I don't have a crush on you.
- Actually you just said you did.
- I said nothing of the kind.
- I barely tolerate you.
- Then why are you holding my hand? You are holding my hand.
Says the lady who has just professed her love feelings for me.
If I wasn't paralyzed from the neck down I would totally kick your ass.
The only thing that I professed was my guilt for getting you killed.
Please, if anyone got anyone killed, it was me who got you killed.
I'm the one who brought you in on this story.
And I'm the one who brought us to the house where we were served the poisoned tea.
Because of the searing questions that I dared to ask.
I can't believe we are competing over whose fault this is.
It's freaking Eleanor's fault.
She poisoned us.
And I'm so sorry I got us into this.
Will you please be quiet so that I can come up with a plan? Thank you.
What are you doing? Crap, it's not working.
Why is it not working? Gee, your plan to stare menacingly at the door until it opens is pretty good, but I have an even better idea.
What if we scream for help? Ok, and hope that someone hears us out in the middle of the woods, miles from civilization? You got a better idea? - Help.
- Help.
Hey! Kat? Kat, no, no, no.
Come on.
Ray? Is everything alright? What's going on? Are you ok? I just I just was taking a bath, I'm fine.
How are you fine? Kat, you could have died in there.
No, I just came home from work.
It was the longest night shift ever.
And I got into the tub and I guess I must've fallen asleep.
I slipped under for a few seconds.
What time did you get in the bath? - It's 9 now.
- What? Could you please just tell me what's going on here, Kat? - Bun says to aim right for his heart.
- Bun is in on this with you? Bun and my mother were best friends.
- And she thinks he killed her? - No, she knows, Roxie.
She knows a hell of a lot more about the man who lies bleeding in your kitchen than you do.
Now shut up and let's do this.
Ok, you'll kneel down beside him, you'll raise the dagger above your head and you'll stab him through the heart.
And then this whole nightmare will be over.
- It's not too late, Jamie.
- Yes, it is, Roxie.
Get ready, cause here we Son of a He's gone.
No, this is a disaster.
Calm down, we don't know what happened.
We don't even know where Darryl is.
We know he's alive, that's all that matters.
He's gonna come after me.
What did you expect? To be fair, you're the one that started this.
Now he knows everything, he knows I'm his son.
He knows the whole story.
Ok, there's only one solution.
I have to clean my mess and get the hell out of town.
Oh, it looks like somebody took care of the first part for you.
That's not the mess I'm talking about.
I'm talking about you.
Nice try, darling.
I wasn't supposed to be here.
I was at my mother's and RJ left Ellie, the elephant, here last night, and I was whining about it, he was driving me nuts, but It's the only reason I came by.
I am so sorry, Ray, I didn't mean to scare you like that.
I think I've just been working too hard, that's all.
You should be dead.
How are you not dead? Ok, I once saw this magician who stayed underwater for 17 minutes! It's a trick.
It's a magic trick, Kat, and you were under for hours.
You know like people, we are not supposed to be underwater for that long.
You don't think I am worried about this? Cause I am, Ray! I know.
Ray, something weird is happening to me and I don't know what it is and I don't know how to make it go away.
And the only thing I can do is just take a few days off, just try to rest.
It's not good enough.
What more do you want from me? I don't know, I I want you to talk to someone, you know like an expert, somebody who knows about this stuff Like who? I don't know, a psychiatrist, you know or a neurologist Or an exorcist! I don't need a damn exorcist! But I will, I will talk to someone.
Yeah? Yeah, I think you're right, I think that I need to figure some things out.
You hungry? You must be starving.
Some coffee would be great.
You got it, Kitty.
I am getting really sleepy.
Try not to fall asleep.
Are you cold? Yeah Well, not so much cold as Dead from the chest down, But we're gonna be ok, Joanna.
No, we're not, Max.
We're gonna die down here.
I know.
You What do you want? I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you like this, but I'm going through something really weird and scary, and you're the only person I can talk to about it, and I need some advice You want advice? Call Oprah! I'm busy.
Oprah doesn't know anything about my powers, you do! Who sent you? No one, why? I'm just curious about your sudden interest in your powers.
I tried to teach you about them once, but you just couldn't get away from here fast enough as I recall Now, I'm ready to learn.
I need to know some things and you're the only person that I can talk to about it and I'm not willing to leave here until I get some answers! Well alrighty then.
I'll heat up some tea Have a seat.
Drink up, deary.
Boy, do I feel sorry for you.
Really? You're a little too pretty for prison.
Those doe eyes and that accent You'll be one sought after cellmate.
You know what? Why don't you worry about yourself? Hello, lover, is anybody home ? It's your snookums.
Penny! Help! One more sound out of you and you're both dead.
Am I clear? Stand up.
Stand up! Get in the tub.
Get in.
I will kill you if I have to, Roxy, so don't try and test me, ok? - Hey! - Hey! I used the key that was under your mat.
Did I hear someone screaming ? Yeah, that was me.
I thought I saw a spider.
Dude, no offense but you scream like a chick.
Well, now you know the truth about me.
I'm like a little girl when I see insects.
Sorry, I didn't expect to see you today.
I know I thought that I would double surprise you Double surprise me ? Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that! I've always actually wanted to do that but I've never owned a trench coat.
And this morning I went out and I literally bought this trench coat Just so I could do that.
Oh my god you think I'm some sort of dirty old man/lady flasher, don't you ? No, what do you mean? Because you're staring at me like I'm a dirty old man/lady flasher.
I'm sorry I'm just I'm sorry I'm just surprised.
Yeah, just surprised? Not a little bit happy, downstairs? Well Why don't you come over here and find out, you horny lady flasher? I love it when you talk dirty What was that ? Nothing.
We have a mouse.
First it's a spider, and now it's a mouse? Get off.
Penny You've got a girl in there.
What What are you talking about? You've got another crumpet, Another little snack! That scream that I heard oh that was an orgasm scream! Penny, I told you, you are the only one.
Can't you trust me then? You know, I want to.
I really do, but I don't know if I can.
Well, you have two options.
You can either keep this door shut, and trust me that right now, in this moment, there is no one in there and there is no one in my heart except for you Or you can not believe me, open this door and see for yourself.
But if you do that, I know you can't trust me, and you never will.
And therefore, I can never trust you.
It's up to you, Penny.
See, you got me all riled up! Now If you don't come back to bed this instant, things might get a little ugly.
Is that a threat or a promise? So what do you think, should I flash you again? No, I have a better idea.
Oh yeah? Penny, run, get out! Nice try, babe.
What did you do to her? Nothing.
I told her that I wanted her to flash me in the park and she believed me.
Go on, see for yourself.
You are out of your mind Well what can I say? Ladies love the bad boys Come on.
Enough dilly-dallying.
Get in the bed.
You gotta be kidding me.
You never heard that before? Well Yeah back in the days of witch trials, when that's how people would figure out who was really a witch, but I didn't think that was a real thing! Well, it is.
That's why you didn't die in the bath tub.
You cannot be drowned.
That is insane! And yet it's true.
So Am I immortal? No dear, you're immune to drowning.
You're definitely not immortal.
Now, how about some tea? Wait.
I wanna know more! So if I am immune to drowning, I mean does that apply to everywhere, like oceans Max! I think we passed out again.
Come on, wake up! We can't fall asleep, we can't give up, not yet! Max, if you're alive, say something, say something annoying.
Say something about Harvard, or or your Pulitzer Make fun of my blog, come on, something! Ok I admit it, Max, I have a crush on you.
A big one.
I think that you are handsome, and hot, and funny and wicked smart, and you smell really good.
I think about you when I'm going to sleep at night.
Like really really sexy, gooey, embarrassing crazy thoughts.
I totally want you.
And now you know it, so wake the hell up! Damn it Help! I'm sorry, Max, I can't scream.
And we're never never going to finally kiss because you're probably dead.
Max, do you hear that? I think there's someone up there with her! Oh, hallelujah, there's someone up there with her! Help! So let me get this straight.
Everytime I heal someone, I'm gonna get nose bleeds and grey hair, and I going to have to sleep for 20 hours? You haven't touched you tea.
But you haven't even answered my question.
Yes.
"Yes" is the answer to my question or "yes" you will answer my question? Yes, you'll get nose bleeds and sleepy and grey blah blah blah! Well that's not blah blah blah.
I can't be going through that all the time, I have a life, I have a job, I have kids! Then stop healing people.
Now that is not fair.
I'm a nurse, I wanna help people.
And besides, you know, it is empowering and fun and cool.
So it's like eating an entire pan of brownies.
You don't wanna do it all the time.
Kat, you went on a rampage! You were healing people right and left, without a thought of the consequences! I didn't know there would be consequences.
Well, there are.
You're taking on other people's suffering.
That energy has to go some place.
So it goes to me.
I mean, I never thought about it like that.
I'm sure you never thought about it.
Well, I am thinking about it now.
And I want to know something else.
Of course you do.
So I understand the whole taking on other people's suffering thing, But why do I get stronger when I do things like make an earthquake or a thunderstorm? Shouldn't that weaken me too? Or is that some kind of magicky powery thing? No, it's more of a boringy, normally, humany kind of thing.
People feel energized when they get angry.
Getting pissed off is fun.
So that's it? Your tea is getting cold.
Yeah, no, I'm good.
When a host offers you a refreshment And you refuse, it's rude.
Not to mention that I answered all your questions, didn't I? Fine.
Yes.
Tea it is.
Just one more thing I can't scream loud enough, Max.
So I'm gonna try something.
And I'm gonna save us, And it's gonna be awesome.
And if you're still alive when this is all over, we can go on a date.
Here goes.
Come on, baby.
Come to mama.
What's going on with your rug? Just drink the tea, my dear.
God, I hope that was Wedgewood, suck it, Eleanor! I think there's someone down there.
What the hell, Eleanor? I tried to do this the easy way.
Joanna! Joanna! Awfully quiet back there, Rox.
Tell me something.
You always seemed scared of me.
Is this why? Did you see this coming? Bun and Eleanor told me.
About your special skills.
Did you see me hurting you? That must be terribly frustrating To be able to see the future And be unable to change it.
Who knows Maybe you can develop those skills in time.
You can change it.
Excuse me? If you let me go, you can change the future, Jamie, it's not too late.
I know somewhere inside you there's a good person.
You say that Darryl is a monster, an evil man who kills.
Don't let him make you one too.
Don't be like him, Jamie, don't be like your father.
It's not too late.
You don't have to hurt me.
You can let me go, and then you can go free And then you'll have a clean conscience and And none of this ever has to happen.
I liked it better when you didn't talk.
Help! Help! God, you look awful.
You should go home and get some rest.
Crazy lady, Why do you have Joanna locked in your cellar like next year's jam? She's not.
Hallucinations can be a side effect of the healing, didn't I mention that? That's funny, no, you didn't.
Joanna! Don't you know the expression "curiosity killed the cat", Kat? Oh, you just crossed the line, sweet pea.
I'm not going anywhere without Joanna! Then you are not going anywhere at all.
Oh, thunder, I'm scared.
Don't worry, deary, you'll be joining your friends soon enough.
Joanna! Are you alright down there? Kat! Oh, thank God! What are you doing here? It's a long story.
How 'bout you? Even longer.
Are you ok? Me? I am awesome.
I just kicked Eleanor's ass.
Is that Max next to you? Yeah But you hate him.
I do Sort of I don't know.
I would explain it to you, but the poison is kinda getting into my throat.
You've been poisoned? Way to bury the lead.
I'm sorry.
No, no, stop talking.
I'll be right down.
Hurry up! I'm trying.
I just dragged you both up the stairs.
I'm a little winded.
I think my earlobes are numb.
Is that even possible? Do you have nerve endings in earlobes? It's cartilage.
They're always numb.
Mine are a little number than usual.
I know, I'm trying Youre going numb, Eleanor is about to wake up, and I have no idea what half this stuff means.
Ok.
Here's something.
Uh, it's in Latin, so I'm not positive, but I'm like 80% sure that this means antidote.
Or else, it means what's the opposite of antidote? Should I keep looking, or Good God, I hope this works.
Open up.
It tastes like crap.
Oh, I can taste.
I can feel my earlobes! Now, help me help him chew.
Put your hand, right here and grab his throat like your giving a pill to a cat.
This is unpleasant and bizarre Oh my God You're alive! No, seriously.
Stop it.
How come I'm so numb? My My *** and thumbs They're still numb.
Oh, huh, it it will come back in a second, don't worry.
You guys wanna get the hell outta here? Yes.
Shouldn't we call the cops first? No! Let's just get outta here.
I'm okay, I'm good.
Eleanor, it's Jamie.
Some things changed.
Plan A failed.
I'll call you when I've cleaned up the Roxie mess.
What would Jamie want with Roxie? I don't know, but it's never good when someone says they want to clean you up like a mess.
Do you remember that Roxie had that vision that Jamie wanted to kill her? You don't think We're not gonna get any answer standing around here, come on.
Okay, Max, go home.
Kat and I are gonna go find Roxie.
What? At least I'm trying to help you No, we're fine.
Thank you.
Is this about what happened back there? I know it's awkward, but come on What are you talking about? Your confession.
You know about how you fantasize about me you know.
Your gooey sexy night time thoughts.
- You heard that? - Oh yeah.
It was awesome.
Oh, dear God.
You think I meant that, Max? I made that up just to see if you were alive.
- Right - I did.
You don't have to be embarrassed.
You're not the first woman to fall in love with me Joanna, come on! Okay, the only person here in love with you, is you! Now I gotta go save my friend's life.
Goodbye, Max.
Wait, wait wait.
I wanna help okay? I mean I can't just go home after all the weird crap I've seen today.
Max! Look me in the eyes.
You will forget everything that happened at Eleanor's today.
And especially, everything that I said.
And you will go home, and call Clyde and ask for a sick day and you'll go to sleep and wake up in the morning and remember none of tis.
Okay, I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna call in sick, take a nap.
See you, Jo.
Can we switch powers? Let's go find Roxie.
Let's go.
Help! Somebody help! Help! Somebody help! You know, you can keep screaming, Rox.
You're just gonna give yourself a sore throat.
It was for Darryl, but you'll fit.
Welcome home, Roxie.
She's not at her house, she's not at Darryl's, everything seems normal here.
Except for this.
- Well that's not normal.
- No, it's not, - Hello? - Roxie? Jamie? Anybody here? They're not here.
They were, but they left.
How do you know that? It's just a feeling I have.
Hey you.
Where did Jamie take Roxie? Are you really talking to a bunch of statues? Just this one.
She has a shifty look in her eye.
I think she knows something.
Joanna Look at this.
- I had a dream about this! - I had a dream about this! - Me too! - Me too! How did that happen? Is it possible? We had the same dream.
Ok, ok let's think about this.
We were both eating peanut brittle? Peanut brittle? And you noticed that my hair was wet.
Right.
What happened to your hair? What do you mean? It's dripping wet! And we couldn't figure out why.
It must have been because I had fallen asleep in the bathtub.
You fell asleep in the bathtub? And you couldn't move your arms because you were locked in the cellar paralyzed.
So we were both dreaming about where we really were in real life.
Roxie must have been too.
What was Roxy doing? She was leaving all the bloody handprints.
And then Jamie walked in! That's right! Jamie wanted her to follow him down this path, he was holding a shovel.
Roxie.
Roxie, come on! And then there was a sign there was a sign that said - Buck Hill Trail! - Buck Hill Trail! I want you to know I'm sorry.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I like you, Roxie.
They know.
They are coming for me and they're gonna kill you.
We'll see.
Nice telekinesis.
Thanks, honey.
Are you alright? Well, I was just bluffing when I said you guys were coming, but this is awesome! We're here for you, babe.
Sweet, wanna help me out of here? Leave 'em alone! Whatever you say, Roxie.
Roxie.
Roxie.
He just fell Ok, come on, we'll get you out of there.
I can't believe you guys found me.
We wouldn't let you down, sweetie.
Come on.
Remind me never to piss you off.
Did we really just do that? I think we did.
Maybe it was a raccoon? What if it wasn't? What if someone saw us? Saw us do what, defend ourselves? Even if someone did see something, we didn't do anything wrong.
What do we do now, do we call the police? And tell them what? We did him in with our magic powers? We gotta do something.
It's not gonna help anyone, guys.
I think we should just go.
Come on, let's just go.
You realize I almost died in that basement.
How it has been Oh, yeah, I'm finding out quite a bit.
It was stronger than we thought.
Yeah, she tried, but Your little present came in handy.
Still, you wanna keep me on this, my fee just doubled.
Don't worry, Joanna trusts me She likes me, I'm totally in.
Of course I'll deliver.
Have I let you down yet? Tea? Poison free, I promise.
Right.
No tea.
How about coffee? I think someone saw us.
No one saw us.
There was definitely something out there.
You guys are letting your guilt get to you.
We did nothing wrong.
It was self defense.
If you could have seen what he did to me, what he did to Darryl last night, you wouldn't feel a least bit guilty.
Oh my god, Darryl.
I don't think he's at the mansion.
How do you know? We went by earlier looking for you, the curtains were drawn, the lights were out.
No one was home.
I'm trying his cell.
He's not at home, he's not on his cell Maybe Jamie and Eleanor were right.
Maybe Darryl is a murderer.
So what, he just skipped town? We know that he's not here.
We don't know anything.
All we do know is that both people who told us Darryl is bad tried to kill us.
This isn't good, you guys.
I'm scared.
Things could be better, I'll give you that.
At least we know that things can't get any worse, right?