Elsbeth (2024) s02e06 Episode Script

1
Hell-ho-ho-ho.
I'm Dirk Dashers.
And I'm DeeDee Dashers.
- Welcome to our home in
- The North Pole.
- [SCOFFS] Dirk. He's kidding.
- [LAUGHS]
Welcome to our home in Bronxville.
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
DIRK: While this is a special
holiday Dress Up episode,
I can assure you
our home is Christmas 24/7/365.
This year, we're extra
lucky and get 366 days.
We love a leap year.
Dress Up readers have seen
our work in the homes
of celebrities over the years.
But how did we become
the Christmas curators
- to the stars?
- We'll never tell.
Maybe later. Follow us.
[UPBEAT FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING]
My first custom ornament.
I was three, at a Polo Classic.
Dirk was born with a gift.
I would look at trees
as a child and think,
"They need something."
But I couldn't shake the Christmas bug.
The colors, the fashion.
- The lights.
- It's theater.
[SIGHS]: Aw.
And so, there I was at 17,
being hired to decorate
my classmates' homes.
"Pardon me, Mr. Senator, sir,
do you prefer red or silver tinsel?"
And the work hasn't stopped since.
But we don't call it work.
We call it "spreading holiday cheer."
That's right, sugarplum.
Clients go bananas over
the custom figurines.
Dirk makes them.
One hint:
[IMITATES ROBERT DENIRO]:
"You talkin' to me?"
He's always in here.
"Tinkering and Thinkering," I call it.
[NORMAL VOICE]:
And that's how I came up with
our first foray into retail.
We want to bring
our holiday joy into every home.
We couldn't be jollier to announce
our new Dress Up by Dashers collab.
Our line of 1964
vintage-inspired Christmas decor
is launching this anniversary
year of Dress Up's founding.
Coming soon to retailers
near you, because
BOTH: Everything's better
with a dash of Dashers.
[BELLS JINGLING]
- Oh.
- Oh. Uh, the reindeer must be hungry.
We better go. [CHUCKLES]
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good
[GASPS]
Hey. Who put that there?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
[FESTIVE MUSIC ENDS]
I want a divorce.
Let's talk tomorrow.
I have to touch up
John Waters' mustache.
No. It can't wait.
- I am done with this marriage.
- Mm.
I'm sure we'll figure it out.
More importantly,
I am done with Christmas.
- What did you just say?
- I can't take it anymore.
This red and green hellscape.
Need I remind you, Christmas
is what brought us together.
And it's what's tearing us apart.
It is your passion, and I have
supported it since day one,
but I have lost myself.
We are launching retail.
We have the Rockefeller
contract in three years.
Not to mention, you and I
are alliteration heaven.
I cannot pretend to be happy anymore.
Not for you and
especially not for the public.
What does happiness
have to do with Christmas?
Delivering presents
on time is Mr. and Mrs. Claus's
one and only priority.
We are not Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
Tell that to America.
Break their hearts.
This will ruin my life's work!
Exactly. Your life's work.
My mind is made up.
Divorce is the only solution.
How about this?
Let's
have one last Christmas together.
For us. Then we'll circle
back in the new year.
All I want for Christmas ♪
Is to not get divorced yet ♪
- Ah
- [SIGHS]
I have to get over to Dress Up.
I'll take that as a yes.
It just sunk in.
The Dress Up lobby will be
our final project together.
Should I tell the team when I get there?
No, no, that'll ruin their Christmas.
Let's just make this
our best display yet.
And then we'll do
what all unhappy couples do:
get through the holidays.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
I'm so sorry you had to see that.
Christmas brings people together.
How dare she try to sully it
with divorce?
And what might she say to our clients?
Or worse, the press.
The brand wouldn't survive
a disgruntled Mrs. Claus.
"Divorce is the only solution."
[SIGHS]
"Poor Dirk Dashers,
"that sweet,
"handsome, impeccably-dressed man.
"A tragic accident made him
a widower at Christmas.
Let's buy everything he sells
to support him."
[EXHALING SOFTLY]
Ah
I'll be a Christmas god.
["ALMOST TIME
FOR CHRISTMAS DAY" PLAYING]
I'm so happy ♪
That Santa's on his way ♪
- [SPEAKING INAUDIBLY]
- Been waiting all year long ♪
For Christmas Day ♪
I feel alive when I look up ♪
To the sky ♪
Knowing I might ♪
- [SIGHS]
- See him on a sleigh ♪
Soon I will see lots of presents ♪
By the tree ♪
Think of all the joy ♪
That's on its way ♪
I dream of Santa's ♪
Long white beard ♪
And reindeer ♪
Flying through the air ♪
I know it's almost time ♪
For Christmas Day ♪
I know it's almost time for ♪
Christmas Day. ♪
DIRK: I want to thank
everyone for your hard work
on launching
our Dress Up by Dashers line.
But the biggest thanks goes
to the incomparable Gisela Mott
for taking a chance on little old me.
And DeeDee.
As editor in chief of Dress Up,
you have changed the world of fashion
and now the world of home holiday decor.
It is a dream come
true to work with you.
And thank you to my wife DeeDee,
the jingle in my bells.
- Well, I would just like to
- Ten!
ALL: Nine!
Eight! Seven!
- Six!
- Snow is too soon.
- Five!
- Grayden, what are you doing?
- Four!
- DeeDee?
- You throw the switch.
- Three!
Two! One!
[FINGERS SNAPPING]
It's
- fine.
- [SIGHS]
Almost.
What are we looking at?
Oh, I am so sorry, Gisela.
I will take care of that right away.
DEEDEE: Just like
Santa climbing a chimney.
Why do people like a strange man
breaking into their homes?
Presents.
- [ELECTRICAL POP]
- [GRUNTS]
- [BODY THUDS, ONLOOKERS SCREAM]
- [SCREAMS]
[ONLOOKERS GASPING]
[SIGHS]
Not again.
[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]
[QUIET CHATTER]
Ooh. Those hanging lights sure are fun.
Wow.
This is the most stunningly
beautiful crime scene.
Is it a crime scene?
DONNELLY: Uh, it appears
to be, uh, an accidental fall.
The deceased is Dirk Dashers.
Uh, he and his wife DeeDee
appear to be, um,
celebrity Christmas
curators/holiday visual artists.
Is that a thing? I love it.
We were just about to talk
to the deceased's wife and
[GASPS] Gisela Mott?
Oh, my gosh,
it's so good to see you, Gisela.
Oh, and also, sorry.
I'm Laird, Gisela's assistant.
Can I help you?
Hi, Laird. Ooh, that's fun
to say. "Laird."
I'm Elsbeth.
Gisela's sunglasses
solved a murder for us
at Festival of Fashion last year.
And now here we are again.
- It's such a small world.
- GISELA: It is
very tiny and very violent.
KAYA: We're sorry
for your loss, Mrs. Dashers.
How could he die doing what he loved?
So on-brand.
And borderline tacky.
How did he die, exactly?
- He fell?
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Oh, my gosh, is that Santa?
He tried to fix a burnt-out bulb.
And it did that?
LEE: Exposed wires.
KAYA: Elsbeth Tascioni,
Fire Marshal Lee Sparks.
Lee Sparks, Elsbeth Tascioni.
No way. You're in fire
and your name's Sparks?
- You're funny.
- Am I?
I thought firemen only did fires.
Well, this is fire-adjacent.
Everything is fire-adjacent.
You were saying something
about exposed wires.
Wires were exposed around the bulb.
Dirk Dashers touched a wire,
got a shock, lost balance.
You have to be very careful
with Christmas lights.
Those are vintage lights,
not from our new collection.
Ours would never fray.
Uh, I don't see the difference.
That's the point, darling.
KAYA: So this just seems like
a really gruesome accident.
DONNELLY: Agreed.
A classic Christmas light string shock
and ladder fall,
resulting in
a reindeer antler impalement.
- Oof.
- Nobody move!
There's exposed metal on this handle.
Under the podium is copper plating.
If someone touches both of these
at the same time,
the electrical current will pass
over their heart and kill them.
So don't.
[PULLING ON GLOVES]
That seems an extremely foolish design.
Foolish and effective.
No one would do this intentionally.
Unless
It was intentional.
Dirk was supposed to light
the tree as he always does.
Someone tried to murder Dirk.
Or me.
I'm very kill able.
That's not true.
[SIGHS] So, who flipped the switch?
I did. But I'm fine.
A Christmas miracle.
You were very lucky. This time.
I wouldn't use the word "lucky."
[SIGHS] Dirk was lucky, too.
Until he wasn't.
But who had it out for
jolly Old St. Dirk?
Mm.
ELSBETH:
Everywhere I look is beautiful.
Everywhere I look reminds me
of my dead husband.
Everything Christmas has to go.
I understand. I was
the same way about fedoras.
Did someone you love
die tragically wearing a fedora?
Oh, no. My ex-husband wore them.
We're divorced.
Which is different.
Oh. Thank you for meeting
with us so soon, DeeDee.
It's "D'Day."
- Pardon?
- My name,
it's pronounced "D'Day."
"DeeDee" was for the masses.
It was Dirk's idea.
This was all Dirk's idea.
I can't go on living this
holiday lifestyle without him.
It just wouldn't be right.
Oh, look at this one. It's so sweet.
Ah. It was Dirk's.
He was born with the gift of decor,
much to the chagrin of his parents.
They wanted him
to join the family business.
It's hard feeling like you've
disappointed your parents.
It's true. I think that's why
we were so successful as a couple.
I always supported him
in everything he did.
Even changing your name.
I had no idea holiday decorating
was a career option.
Neither did I until I met Dirk.
Our clients would pay top dollar.
And Dirk would do anything for them.
Well, I am inspired. [CHUCKLES]
I haven't bought holiday
decorations for my new home yet.
Well
- To get you started.
- Oh, thank you.
Although, legally,
I can only accept gifts
under a certain dollar amount.
Those are worthless.
Great.
ELSBETH: So, it was so sad
about the frayed lights.
Why were those vintage?
Oh, uh, Dirk told me
that Gisela insisted
that they match
the 1964 cover of Dress Up.
I never should've listened to him.
I'll have to live with that
regret for the rest of my life.
Who would want to hurt Dirk?
I can't imagine.
All of his clients loved him.
Our marriage was as merry as could be.
I mean, look around.
It was Christmas every day.
We were such a happy unit.
Just me, Dirk
and our Dashers Little Helpers.
They are helpful.
Ooh! And strong.
DEEDEE: Yes. And devastated.
Dirk was so close to them.
He handpicked them all.
He had a specific standard
of how he wanted our business
to be presented.
Did any of Dashers Little Helpers
have access to the podium?
In the workshop? Of course.
He and the Helpers would
hang out in there for hours.
Just tinkering or whatever.
You wouldn't believe
the number of hot cocoa mugs
I'd have to clean up every morning.
I love hot cocoa.
This workshop that you speak of
sounds mighty interesting.
Could we get a tour?
Oh, um, I
I think it would be too painful,
but, um, Grayden over here
would be happy to be a helpful Helper.
Just not too helpful.
We still have nine trees to take down.
Is this heaven?
No, but I think this is.
Stop it. [GASPS]
It's a candy cane factory.
- Oh. Look at the little
- DONNELLY: Hey!
We obviously all want to play
with everything, but can we focus?
Sorry. It's just, he was
such a talented craftsman.
Oh, and technician.
Did you help Mr. Dashers
in the workshop, Grayden?
Were you and Dirk close?
He was like family.
Who would want to kill someone
as nice as Mr. Dashers?
Was he too nice to some Helpers?
GRAYDEN: He was a total gentleman,
and he expected us to be, too.
He taught us about manners,
punctuality, responsibility.
That's why I don't get the accident.
He taught us to always
"check everything twice
and make sure
it's not naughty but nice."
I love that.
And there were no frayed wires.
I mean, we would've caught that.
I don't know why he got in my face
about starting the snow early.
He told me to do it
at the count of eight.
Was he preoccupied with something?
Did he seem unhappy?
He was happier than ever.
He was working out.
He was all up on
a new skin care regiment and
- [FINGERS SNAP]
- his skin was glowing.
We couldn't reach him at night a lot,
but maybe he was needing
Needing what?
DEEDEE: Break time is ho-ho-over!
Over. Sorry. Old habits die hard.
If you all don't mind,
we have a lot of work to do.
And I'm so sad.
Is this a turtle dove?
Oh, most people just think
that's a pigeon or something.
I had a lot of bird calendars as a kid.
And it's wearing a little Santa hat.
If you could please just put it back.
- There's only one.
- Excuse me?
Two turtle doves ♪
Where's yours?
Uh, well
Of all the things I've packed today,
this one reminds me the most of Dirk.
[VOICE BREAKING]: It's so dead.
[SOBBING]
- [CLAMORING]
- It's the most wonderful time ♪
Of the year ♪
Ding dong, ding dong ♪
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
- With the kids jingle belling ♪
Doesn't take a genius
to put it together.
You are so right.
Wait, which part?
Working out, busy at night.
My ex did the same thing
when he was having an affair,
only he got highlights and DJ equipment.
[LAUGHS]
SANTAS: Deck the ♪
Halls with boughs of holly ♪
Um, did you get any intel from
that Helper you were talking to?
No. I mean, yes.
I asked where they got
their moving boxes.
Those were solid boxes.
- New Yorkers love good moving boxes.
- Mm-hmm.
But why?
I have some exciting news.
I'm moving out.
My renovation finished early.
Congratulations. That's unheard of.
So, you won't be staying
with me for Christmas?
Oh. No.
With the Reno done, I'm gonna join
my family on a cruise.
Not my ideal vacation, but, you know,
things we do for family.
Do I. I'll be in Delaware.
You're gonna be with Teddy
in D.C., right?
No. Teddy spends every
other year with his dad.
So, I'll be alone, but, um, that's okay.
- What about, um
- I thought about
having a party, but I've learned
that New Yorkers are the busiest people
in the history of the world
at the holidays.
And now I've learned
that New Yorkers love boxes.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- The things we learn.
I'm sure Christmas will work out.
I'm sorry.
No, don't be. I'm happy for you.
[VOICE BREAKING]: This is just
one of those things that happens
when you uproot your whole life.
I'll just, uh, celebrate Christmas
twice as hard next year.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[SIGHS]
Why weren't you responding to my texts?
I was stuck in the North Pole.
Speaking of which, what's with
all those Santas out there?
Oh, the dreaded SantaCon.
33,000 people who dress up like Santa,
drink and take over
the streets of New York.
Ugh. It really can be
the worst time of the year.
Can you please pull up my texts?
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
ELSBETH: Is this a riddle?
What do I get Claudia for Christmas?
I mean, she always gives me
a hint, but this year,
she said, "Just get me
whatever you think I'd like."
Uh, I know better than that, so
- So?
- I know you have great ideas.
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
Ideas. Okay, how about, um-mm
"Mm-mm"?
Well, you'll figure it out.
Why don't you ask
one of the Santas out there?
Got to go.
Is Elsbeth okay?
[SIGHS] She is not.
- I'm moving out.
- Oh.
And she doesn't have Teddy
for the holidays.
- Oh.
- So she'll be alone for Christmas.
Oh. That isn't good.
Mm-mm.
LAIRD: Gisela fired me
because she didn't
get to throw the switch
at the lighting ceremony and blames me,
so now I don't have a job,
I don't have a life,
and I don't get to play in
the Dress Up archives anymore.
Life is so unfair sometimes.
LAIRD: So unfair!
But, Laird, Gisela could've died.
Oh, she doesn't care.
She'd die for the spotlight,
just like any of us.
WAGNER: Do you want us
to arrest Gisela for firing you?
Can you do that?
I mean, that's not why I'm here.
It didn't seem like
a big deal at the time.
I mean, it was a big deal
but for different reasons.
But Gisela had asked Dirk Dashers
if she could throw the switch.
And he yelled "no" at her. Like, "No!"
He'd never yelled at Gisela
like that before.
No one had ever talked to Gisela
like that before.
- So Dirk was rude?
- So rude.
And then he told DeeDee to do it
instead when he left the podium
to yell at the snow elf guy
or whatever, which was weird,
'cause Gisela had asked him.
But he said no, like, "No!"
DONNELLY: Okay, we get it.
- Anything else?
- No! It's
I'm in a bad mood.
Maybe I'll go to France.
Oh, France is so lovely.
Before you go, um
do you, or does Dress Up,
have any holiday gift suggestions?
You know, for the wife, let's say.
You could do, like, a Cartier Tank Louis
hand-wound, 18-karat rose gold watch.
Or maybe a sweatshirt.
If Dirk would do anything
to make a client happy,
why wouldn't he let Gisela
throw the switch?
KAYA: I agree.
And to react so emotionally?
I mean, "no" to someone
like Gisela Mott?
People get so worked up
about Christmas lights.
It's-it's silly.
But it is weird.
He stopped Gisela.
He ran off.
Was Dirk trying to kill
- DeeDee?
- DONNELLY AND KAYA: "D'Day."
Pardon?
Her name is pronounced "D'Day" now.
Did Dirk want "D'Day" d'dead?
KIDDER: You're a hit!
The Dress Up by Dashers line is already
sold out in preorders.
We've been pitched book deals,
a documentary series,
a fashion line.
[SIGHS] Every agent dreams
of a moment like this.
I don't understand. Why?
Sad sells. Look at Joan Didion.
Everyone loves a widow.
So it's pity buying?
Well, it spends the same.
People just want to know
what would happen
to a widowed Mrs. Claus.
And you're the closest thing
people have to that.
But, perhaps,
as this movie pitch suggests,
- "Gertrude gets her groove back."
- [FINGERS SNAP]
Uh, who is Gertrude?
Mrs. Claus's real name, I guess.
The title's gonna change.
Seasons grievings, DeeDee.
Cha-ching! [CHUCKLES]
Oh, also, so sorry about Dirk.
"D'Day."
I'm back to "D'Day."
Yeah, we're gonna have
to circle back to that.
Okay, well, Kidder,
I have a pitch.
Uh, Mrs. Claus pivots.
Uh, she has a career shift.
"2BOnMyOwn Home."
It's a line of monochromatic home goods,
where we just let color.
"B" on its own.
Somehow this is sadder than death.
Smile, DeeDee.
You are gonna be the even bigger
face of Christmas.
[GASPS SOFTLY]: Ah.
Dirk would be so happy.
Hi. We're with the NYPD.
We'd like to see Kidder Hawes.
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
You can go in now.
Are you okay?
It's just a tough time.
It can be, yeah.
But the new year
will be here soon enough.
DEEDEE: What are you doing here?
Oh, we're just following up
on all leads.
Can you excuse us?
Uh, of course.
Ooh, this is bland.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Promise you'll tell me
once you figure out
who wanted to kill my husband.
You must tell me anything you find out,
anything at all.
The holidays will already be hard enough
without thinking that Dirk's
murderer is still out there.
Of course.
As soon as we find out anything.
Okay.
Um, oh, and, "D'Day," I love your hat.
KIDDER: See?
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
I'm re-embracing Christmas, for Dirk.
And it's "DeeDee" again.
KIDDER: So, how can I help you all?
DONNELLY: Mr. Hawes, what was
your relationship like
with Dirk Dashers?
Good. Lucrative. Expanding.
All in all, he was a great client.
I am so sorry for your loss.
KIDDER: Don't be.
It's no real loss. [CHUCKLES]
DeeDee and I are gonna make a fortune.
Um, maybe we're missing something,
but weren't you and Dirk very close?
Close how?
We got a copy of Dirk's phone records,
and they show you two were
in constant communication.
Hours, every day.
Wasn't me.
All the calls were to this office.
I don't know what to tell you.
Not this guy.
Ooh, now that I have you,
quick focus group.
Um, I'm gonna throw out
two words, and I want you
to tell me what you think: snow globe
loved one's ashes.
See that?
They're with you all the time. Thoughts?
Ashes all over the city. Cute, huh?
[SNIFFLES]
Dirk was the best lover I ever had.
Just to clarify:
Dirk Dashers, the Christmas decorator?
Holiday visual artist.
We shared an appreciation
for all things Christmas.
Did Mrs. Dashers know about you two?
Hard to know what
she's ever really thinking.
She doesn't even like Christmas.
- Really?
- Hates it.
For years.
That's why Dirk and I got so close.
He'd come in here, so fantastic
and happy and red and green.
It was destiny.
But he knew divorce would
ruin their brand.
Star-crossed lovers.
It's true.
But he promised we'd be together.
One day.
KIDDER [IN DISTANCE]: Holly!
Where's my massage gun?
Bye.
- Bye, Holly.
- Bye.
Well, my bad.
I took Dirk's passion for figurines
and handsome helpers to assume
something else about him.
Same.
And "D'Day"
No, wait, we're back to "DeeDee"?
DeeDee hates Christmas?
Dirk was telling the truth.
He and Holly would be together,
just not through divorce.
DeeDee's gonna be devastated.
- Oh, poor thing.
- Mm.
She said she wants to know
as soon as we find out anything.
She insisted.
I'll clear it with the Captain,
but I would hate to be
the one to break it to her.
Uh, same.
This needs to be handled delicately.
Yeah.
["IT'S CHRISTMAS" BY
101 DARK ORCHID MUSIC PLAYING]
- [LIVELY CHATTER]
- Let it snow ♪
When it is Christmas ♪
I love the gloves. Bold choice.
Thank you.
'Tis the season. [CHUCKLES]
Yeah, since you're embracing
the holidays again,
I thought you'd love this place.
Oh, yeah, it's great. It's so my vibe.
You must love it, too. It's so festive.
Oh, yeah, SantaCon is the best.
All these Santas bumping
into you and talking loud.
Who doesn't love the holidays?
Whew, that's good apple juice.
Two more, please.
Oh, and mine's seedless, right?
No cyanide.
So, what are we doing here?
Did you find something?
Dirk was trying to kill you!
Excuse me?
- Dirk?
- Dirk.
- Was trying.
- Was trying.
- To kill me?
- To kill me you.
- Yes, you.
- [STAMMERS]
But he was the love of my life.
The-the jingle in my bells.
Why?
Oh.
I know why.
Now I understand why
you were at Kidder's office.
But it didn't mean that Dirk
and I didn't love each other.
No, relationships are complicated.
Especially business relationships.
Yeah, and sometimes people want out,
for whatever reason,
and they make terrible,
unforgivable decisions.
Dirk and Kidder were right.
We work so much better as a team.
They were such silly squabbles
over work.
I just never thought he'd want
to kill me over one of the
Wait. I thought we were talking
about Holly.
Who?
Kidder's assistant.
Take the shot.
You're gonna need it.
[HORN HONKS]
DeeDee killed Dirk.
Sweet Christmas Lady? No way.
What were you drinking at that bar?
Just cyanide-free apple juice. I swear.
DeeDee told us that
she wanted out of Christmas.
But it's not because
she was in mourning.
She's been wanting out.
I saw a business proposal
in her agent's office
dated over a year ago.
Some monochromatic home goods thing.
Very not me.
Or DeeDee, so you'd think.
But maybe this is
who she really wants to be.
Well, let's say she did kill him
by purposeful accident or something.
Why wouldn't the motive
be the affair with Holly?
DeeDee genuinely didn't know
about the affair with Holly.
The Christmas guy had
An affair with a Holly?
DONNELLY: It's true. It's all so
on the blinking red nose.
So, DeeDee wanted out,
but Dirk would never divorce her
because the brand was too important,
so he decided to kill her?
Yeah, but DeeDee
outsmarted him, somehow.
How?
- Somehow.
- It's convoluted
and really bumming out my holiday vibe.
- [FOOTSTEPS RUNNING]
- MAN: Hey, get back here!
Grab him!
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Welcome to the club.
But all I want for Christmas
is a case closed.
So, if you all can prove it, go ahead.
DeeDee just seems so delightful.
[SIGHS SOFTLY]
Merry Christmas, darling.
[FLAMES WHOOSH]
LEE: You're lucky you caught me.
It's Christmas tree fire season.
Ugh, holidays can be rough.
Don't get me started
on Thanksgiving cooking fires.
[KAYA CLEARS THROAT]
So, we'd like you to watch
this surveillance camera footage
of the tree lighting ceremony
at Dress Up.
Hey.
Fire. Focus.
What is it with you and firemen?
I told you, they love the hair.
So, DeeDee did touch
the copper plating, there.
ELSBETH: Her hand is on the
handle and the copper at the same time,
so our question for you is:
How did DeeDee avoid getting shocked?
Was it the gloves?
If those are regular gloves,
they wouldn't protect her.
That podium was wired by an expert.
That is so weird. Dirk was meticulous.
So, all of his planning
that night hinged on luck?
People think they're lucky
till they're not,
which is usually when my phone rings.
Speaking of phone numbers
Thank you so much for your help.
Uh, you stay safe out there.
- [HORN HONKS]
- SANTAS: Jingle bells ♪
- [SIREN WAILING]
- Jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪
Oh, what fun it is ♪
[GASPS] Where did that come from?
[GASPS] Did someone break in?
- Gonzo! Gonzo!
- [GONZO BARKING]
Oh, my goodness. Oh.
- I don't, I don't understand.
- No, it was me.
It was me. Okay, listen.
I know things aren't going
according to your plans
this year, and that is a huge bummer,
but I really don't want you to miss out
on the sparkliest of all the holidays.
It's just so you.
It is so me,
and I wish I could. I just
It just doesn't feel so good this year.
I can be sad sometimes, too.
I get that.
And of course you can.
Mm.
You know, growing up,
my dad wasn't home much
around Christmas.
He worked at UPS.
The holidays were, like,
the busiest time of year.
- Mm.
- And it sucked.
But nothing would have made him sadder
than thinking his family was at home
missing out on all the fun
because he wasn't there.
It was because of him
we were able to have
such beautiful Christmases.
These decorations are from
my family Christmas trees
over the years.
My parents sent them to me,
along with about ten other boxes.
They're more into pre-lit trees now.
But now you and Gonzo
can share in
the Blanke family Christmases.
That is so sweet.
You're an angel on earth.
- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
- Really. I just don't think
that I could look at this tree without
thinking about
all the people I'm missing
and want to burn it down!
Whoa, okay, let's reframe that.
Oh. I got all A's on my exams.
- You did?
- Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES]
That's no surprise,
but that's so wonderful.
That index card method really works.
Oh, right? Well, we have to celebrate.
What do you want to do?
Hmm.
- I think I want to decorate the tree.
- [LAUGHS]
We'll call it a Celebration Tree,
and we can enjoy it together
before I leave.
Well played, Officer Blanke.
- Mm-hmm.
- [CHUCKLES]
[FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYING QUIETLY]
- Aw.
- [SIGHS]
Sorry so many of these are burnt out.
Oh, it's not your fault.
But maybe it's a sign.
No, it's not.
It just comes with the
holiday decorating territory.
That's why my parents
went with a cruise.
They are done with
all the Christmas lights mess.
Oh.
I know something
that can make it easier.
Are those the ones ah.
I pulled them out of your garbage.
[CHUCKLES]: Well, at least
these won't be burnt-out.
[WHISPERS]: Yes.
Yay.
[BOTH GROAN]
Spoke too soon.
That is so strange.
Why on some strings
are all the bulbs out,
but on these, only one?
I think it has to do with
how they make new lights.
On those old lights, like my parents',
when one goes out, they all do.
Technology changes.
But the lights
on the Dress Up lobby tree
were vintage, aka old.
So, how was only one bulb out?
[GASPS] Whoa.
DEEDEE: I thought the
investigation was over.
My heart is broken,
but I wasn't murdered.
Cookie? I baked them this morning.
Oh. Uh
Mrs. Claus would never
pass up Christmas cookies.
She wouldn't, would she?
Are they too green?
I was going for juniper.
Oh, I think they're a lovely green.
[SOFT CRUNCHING]
Mmm. Notes of mouthwash.
Will this take long?
The holidays wait for no one.
Especially Gertrude Claus.
You shunt be disappointed.
We return
to the scene of the crime.
Attempted crime, fortunately.
Dirk was in love with Holly.
Sorry. But he'd never divorce you.
It'd destroy the Dashers brand.
[SIGHS] Our life's work.
And loving Holly alone
wouldn't drive him
to kill his Mrs. Claus.
ELSBETH: But you wanting
out of the business because
you hate Christmas would.
"Hate" is such a strong word.
I just don't always feel like Christmas.
You understand, Ms. Tascioni.
Only every other year,
and I'm working on it.
Dirk knew: everyone loves
a Christmas widower.
All the deals coming your way prove it:
murder was a business decision.
It brings me no comfort
understanding my husband's motives.
And all the deals prove
is that I'm very lovable.
And fashionable.
You're always dressed to the nines,
wearing red or green gloves.
But at the lighting ceremony,
you had on
Black gloves.
Grayden was such a helpful helper
in finding them in a box
in the back of your closet.
Well, Grayden's going
on the naughty list.
And are you accusing me
of a Christmas fashion crime?
I would never judge someone's fashion.
- But these gloves
- KAYA: Have a rubber lining
to prevent electric shocks.
You discovered his plan
to electrocute you
when you went into
Dirk's Little Workshop
to clean up delicious hot cocoa mugs.
Okay, so, if true, I saved
my own life by wearing gloves.
Is that in the penal code somewhere?
Hmm.
No, but once you saw his plan,
you decided to be rid of him
and Christmas once and for all.
KAYA: You told us Gisela wanted
- vintage lights.
- ELSBETH: But did she?
- No.
- No.
You said that because vintage
lights fraying was believable.
But the Dashers Little Helpers
would have noticed.
But you frayed the wires
after everyone left.
DEEDEE: Oh, and then
I suppose
I made Dirk fall off the ladder?
So I'm guilty of gravity?
No, that was Newton's fault.
But you pointed out the bulb.
Okay.
Small glitch in your theory:
If I hadn't pointed it out,
someone else would have.
Everyone saw it.
Exactly. It.
And now for our word of the day.
BOTH: Shunts.
Newer lights have shunts,
which allow a current
to continue flowing through a circuit,
so if one bulb burns out,
the rest of the bulbs stay lit.
DONNELLY: But with vintage,
like on your tree here, when one
bulb goes out, they all go out.
But there was only one bulb out,
which doesn't make sense.
- A Christmas miracle.
- Christmas
must be difficult for somebody
who's color-blind.
What color are those cookies?
BOTH: Red.
You couldn't sort the ornaments
at your house,
you wore mismatched gloves at the bar,
and I saw your monochromatic
business plan.
With Dirk gone, there's no one
to correct your color mistakes.
Honestly, you should be impressed
that I've made it this far
in a red-and-green industry.
It would be impressive, except
ELSBETH: Ah!
You switched a burnt-out
bulb on your new lights
with a working bulb
on the vintage lights.
ELSBETH: And you placed it
just out of reach
so the shock from the frayed wires
- would make Dirk fall.
- [IMITATES THUD]
Red, green, red
green, green, green.
Only someone who's color-blind
wouldn't notice
the wrong color sequence
- when they switched
- [SMACKS LIPS]
The bulbs.
Bah humbug, right?
And here I thought
the only person who would notice
a bulb out of place was dead.
Then you came along.
Oh, thank you.
And thank you for helping me
realize what Christmas
decorations are all about.
The relationships that we build
and treasure throughout the year
are what make the lights
sparkle so much brighter
- come Christmas.
- Mm.
The meaning of Christmas?
I'm gonna throw up. Get me out of here.
Oh, and in case you were wondering,
the placement of the reindeer
that Dirk fell on
was just lucky. A Christmas miracle.
Couples dance lessons
at FlashRob Studios.
- Hmm?
- For Claudia.
Oh, right. I don't think she
Trust me.
Thank you, Elsbeth.
You're welcome.
Is anyone else in the mood
for hot cocoa?
KAYA [STRAINS]: Okay. Here.
- Ah.
- Okay.
- These are good boxes.
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you for everything, Elsbeth.
This may be the worst day
of my entire life.
I'm just so lucky
that I got to live with you.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
But just not weekdays
between 9:00 and 5:00.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
I'm gonna miss you, too.
And to thank you, we got you
a little moving-out present.
- We?
- [DOORBELL BUZZES]
[BUZZES]
More like an early Christmas present.
Captain Wagner?
What are you doing here?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You are in the wrong place.
The nearest SantaCon mob
is, like, three blocks away.
[GASPS]
Merry Christmas, Mom.
Teddy!
[LAUGHS]: Oh.
[LAUGHING]