Elsbeth (2024) s02e08 Episode Script

1
MAN: This better be important.
Some of your little cop buddies
have been sniffing around again,
Sergeant.
And now I'm hearing that the
Department of Labor is planning
to launch an investigation
into my factories?
Are you going back on our deal?
Just relax.
As long as the money keeps coming,
nothing moves up the ladder past me.
- (CLATTERING)
- What was that?
Were you followed?
No.
I made sure of it.
WOMAN: Drop the gun, Sergeant.
(SIGHS): Detective Watts.
Father.
You two shouldn't have come here.
FATHER: Adam.
All this time?
You were our friend. We trusted you.
Don't make me ask you again, Hooks.
Drop the gun.
Ah
You know I can't do that.
WATTS: Get down!
Forgive me, Father,
for I am about to sin.
WATTS: Rick. I've been hit.
Felicity!
Hey, hey.
Hey, stay with me.
You're all right.
Hey.
I need you here. Please.
I'm so sorry, I
I
Line? Wh-what's my line?
DIRECTOR: Cut! Okay, that's it.
- (BELL RINGING)
- (GROANS)
We're moving on.
We'll get the rest in ADR.
- We're moving on, folks.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
But Hess
REGINA: I just can't
do it anymore, Cal.
I really, I-I just can't.
I'm a classically trained
actress, for God's sake.
I might as well be working
with a chimp here.
No, at least a monkey
would show a modicum of professionalism.
Are you even listening to me?
- Are you done?
- I could go on,
but in the interest of time, I won't.
So, I wanted you to hear this from me.
The network wants a big finish
for the season finale.
They want it splashy,
they want to bring in viewers.
Well, what's splashier
than Felicity's life
hanging in the balance?
No. Cal. No.
No!
We agreed.
It's time.
It's what the fans want.
Screw the fans. What do they know?
Cal, please.
Rehearsals start in London in a week.
This is my chance to be seen
as a legitimate actress.
You promised me this.
You can't.
Oh, I can't?
I can't?
You're gonna tell me what I can't do?
Look around, kid.
All of this,
this whole world, comes from me.
What you have,
what you are comes from me.
I can snap my fingers and take it back.
There's no promises
in this industry, Regina.
There's only contracts.
Your contract says
that your ass belongs to me.
That means what I say goes.
You got it?
End of discussion!
- What?
- WOMAN: Sorry.
Uh, you have a Props meeting in five.
They need approval on the
severed hand for the park scene.
Also, Legal called.
We are allowed to kill someone
using a blender
as long as there are no name brands.
And another one of these
landed on my desk.
Could be worse.
You could have these lunatics
telling you what to do.
Reggie, would you trust me?
Will you trust that I know
what's best for you?
You'll have new pages
tomorrow after lunch.
(BANGING)
PETE: That's lunch.
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
Regina?
Regina, Cal has a script change for you.
Uh, scene 10.
He wants you to say "cadaver"
instead of "corpse."
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's all.
Tiny change.
Uh, also the ice cream
truck you wanted is here.
It's parked at the gate.
Tell the crew to help themselves.
Make sure there's a sign:
"Thanks for a great season.
All my love, Regina." Or whatever.
Big font. Glossy finish.
(MUTTERING)
Anything else before I lock
myself away and study my lines?
One last thing.
Uh, Cal says you'll have
the new ending this afternoon.
He's hard at work as we speak.
I'm sure he is.
- (SIGHS)
- (KNOCKING ON GLASS)
Yes.
Let's go, I haven't got all day.
(GRUMBLES)
Let's get this show on the road, please.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, man.
It's wonderful that you took the
initiative to bring handcuffs.
I love
(CONTINUES MUFFLED)
Hey.
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
Wait. (CRIES OUT)
- Now it's the end
- (MUFFLED SCREAMING)
Of discussion.
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
(BOAT HORN BLARING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hi. I'm so sorry.
I'm a little turned around.
I'm looking for Detective Fleming.
- Do you know where I can
- Oh, you're talking to me.
I'm not a cop,
I'm just a background actor.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
Wow, you could've fooled me.
And I'm not easy to fool.
Um, can you point me
to Calvin Reed's office?
First building on the right,
ma'am, third floor.
Thank you.
Looks like the killer bashed in the shoe
with a FanFave Award
- for Best Theme Song.
- KAYA: Mm.
FLEMING: Poor schmuck.
He was found like this
by his assistant after a massage.
Are we thinking it was the masseuse?
Eh.
Security at the front gate said
the masseuse was a no-show.
Oh, wait, I know this show.
It's the one about the dad
who helps his cop daughter
solve murders.
KAYA: Nope,
that's Papa Cop.
Father Crime is about the
priest who solves murders.
I'll be honest, I didn't know
it was still on the air.
FLEMING: These shows have
been ripping off real murders
solved by real cops for years.
Who wants to watch someone
who isn't a cop solve crimes?
Yeah, they're not for me, either.
Little dark for my taste.
All that murder before bed
gives me tummy ache.
- Hmm.
- (TONGUE CLICKS)
One of these things ♪
Is not like the other ♪
What's "Wavey"?
Oh. It's the, uh,
couple name
for the two leads of the show.
Father Rick Garvey,
Detective Felicity Watts.
It's like Brangelina.
- Or Bennifer.
- Or spork.
KAYA: They've been doing this
"will they, won't they" thing
for, like, 20 years.
- It got old fast.
- FLEMING: Do you think
it was left by the killer?
A disgruntled fan?
It certainly looks that way,
- doesn't it?
- OFFICER: Detective?
Excuse me.
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
Huh. Get this.
We got in touch with the masseuse.
No pun intended.
She got a call this morning
to cancel the appointment.
From Cal's assistant.
GIA: Someone definitely
called from my phone,
but it wasn't me. Really.
FLEMING: The masseuse said
the caller had a "weird accent."
How are you at accents?
(BRITISH ACCENT): Not great, babes?
(REGULAR ACCENT):
And I wasn't here all morning.
I was running around dealing with this
last-minute ice cream truck
that our lead Regina
- booked for the crew.
- KAYA: And
other people can confirm
y- ou were at this ice cream truck?
- GIA: Yes.
Uh, everyone was either there
or eating lunch in holding.
Except for Jack and Regina.
He has a personal chef, and
she religiously runs lines
in her dressing room during lunch.
Plus, she would never eat
ice cream during a shoot day.
- Dairy makes her bloat like crazy.
- Oh.
FLEMING: Something you'd like
to share with the class, Ms. Tascioni?
Yeah, I don't see "massage"
on Cal's schedule.
It says "Network Notes Call"
at the appointment time.
Cal didn't like anyone knowing
what he was doing with his time.
Said it was none of their business.
So Cal's call on his cal was code?
- (MOUTHING)
- ELSBETH: So that means the killer
has to be someone who's
close enough to Cal
to know his real schedule
and that he would be alone.
Someone who works on the show.
Do you know anybody on the crew
who would want to see Cal dead?
(DRAWER SLIDES OPEN)
What's that?
The entire crew list.
Oh, are you going with that,
um, nice yoga instructor
- as your new roomie?
- No.
Turns out, she has three ferrets.
(SIGHS) Every time
I think I find the right fit,
there's just some weird deal-breaker.
A vintage gun collection,
an accordion hobby
- and a violent history of night terrors.
- Mm.
Maybe I'm just too picky for a roommate.
Sorry for overhearing,
uh, did you just say
you're looking for a roommate?
A temporary tenant in my newly
renovated guest room.
Why?
I just moved to New York for this job,
and, um, my housing situation
fell through.
Uh, I was staying in the back room
of an artist's studio in Bushwick,
and it's not great.
Well, um, I mean, I don't know.
My place is all the way in Queens
Queens? That's perfect.
I volunteer at the shelter
in Sunnyside on free nights.
I'm very clean.
I pay my bills on time.
I have no pets, I have no guns,
I have no accordion.
- I'm single.
- Single's good.
CAMERON: You'll hardly even notice me.
Unless I'm stress-baking.
Do you like pie?
(SOFTLY): Pie?
She will take your information
and be in touch.
I'm Elsbeth Tascioni,
and this is Officer-soon-to-be-Detective
Kaya Blanke.
Congratulations.
I'm, uh, Dr. Clayden. Cameron Clayden.
- Here.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, is that a toe tag?
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- Just give me a call.
ELSBETH: Thank you.
S-Stop.
KAYA: Look,
there's Jack Wilson.
Ooh, he's so handsome in person.
What's the holdup?
I thought we were supposed
to be back an hour ago.
PETE: Excuse me, folks.
I need your attention, please.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I do apologize for the delay,
but we have just received
some terrible news.
Our beloved show runner,
the man who created
the world we live in,
Cal
was found dead.
(CREW EXCLAIMING)
- That's odd.
- Hmm?
Why would Regina be eating ice cream
if she knew she was filming today?
Cal was
a good man.
Stand-up guy. Old-school.
Just so you know, you're not a suspect.
Multiple people saw you during lunch.
Oh. He was a real prick.
No one was a bigger fan of Cal
than Cal himself.
Every single decision
had to come from him.
Nobody could possibly
match his awesome genius.
I take it you didn't get along.
Cal didn't get along with anybody.
Except Regina.
He was always weird about her.
PETE: Cal was a relic
from a bygone era,
when people like him could get away
with treating others like dirt.
Even the show is stuck in the past.
No one wants to see
copaganda BS anymore.
It's a fantasy, so we can all pretend
we live in some shiny, happy world
where good guys always win,
bad guys always get caught,
cops are all heroes.
- No offense.
- Uh-huh.
Maybe some of us want to
live in a world like that.
Where the good guys win
and the bad guys always get caught,
and justice actually means something.
And I don't think that's
too much to ask for.
Hey. You good?
(WHEELS SCREECHING)
Hey. Hey.
Excuse me. We were using that.
I'm sorry. It's just Cal and I,
we were very close.
Um
(CHUCKLING): He changed my life
by casting me as Felicity.
I owe him everything,
Detective Tas Tasci
That's okay. Call me Elsbeth.
And I'm not a detective.
I'm more of an overseer or consultant.
Kind of like Father Garvey on your show.
That's a real thing?
Oh, I thought we just made that up.
You mentioned you had
some fan mail set aside?
Can we see?
Oh, of course.
Our fans are very dedicated.
I don't know where they
came up with the crazy idea
that Watts and Garvey were
ever going to be lovers.
ELSBETH: Is this you?
Yes. My drama school days.
Oh, my God. Is that who I think it is?
Oh, I love her.
Ooh, and I love him, too.
And her!
What was in the water at your school?
- (CHUCKLES THINLY)
- All together, this group
has a P.E.G.O.T.K.C.H.
Peabody, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar,
Tony, Kennedy Center Honors.
Wow. Oh, and of course, um,
you have this show.
Yes. Yeah.
We're a very lucky class.
Regina, some of these letters
are very concerning.
And long.
And riddled with typos, but
"Felicity, we know how you really feel.
"Please convince Mr. Reed
to give us Wavey
or I don't know what I'll do."
- Can we take these?
- Mm-hmm.
Is it hard playing
the same role for 20 years?
No, no, no. I'm so fortunate.
The job stability alone.
And besides, I was
recently asked to star
in a West End production
and Cal agreed to write
Felicity into a coma
to accommodate the schedule.
But the director is
a massive Father Crime fan
and he says
that I was born to play Lady M.
(CHUCKLES)
Lady M.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
In The Scottish Play?
Shakespeare?
- Mm.
- Oh, you mean Macbe
No, no, we don't say that.
No, that's bad luck in the theater.
And I suppose on a TV set as well,
so I can't (SPITTING)
Can't take a chance on that.
So, I'm off to London in a week
to start rehearsals.
- ELSBETH: Whoa, that's so soon.
- (LAUGHS)
How exciting. But, um
why does poor Felicity
have to be in a coma?
Oh, our production schedule
is unrelenting.
We only get a few weeks off a year.
But that's the price you pay
for doing 24 episodes in a season.
But if Felicity is
in a coma for four episodes,
then I can be in London.
24. Ooh, that's so many.
I'm surprised that the writers
haven't run out
of ways to kill people yet.
Well, our stories are inspired
by real crimes.
So, I guess as long as people
keeping getting murdered,
we'll keep working.
We know the feeling.
- Mm-hmm.
- (ELSBETH CHUCKLES)
- Okay.
- Oh. Okay.
Uh, well, thank you so much
for your time, Felicity.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- Regina.
- REGINA: Of course.
I have the utmost respect
for law enforcement,
having had the honor of playing
a detective for two decades.
Well, thank you for your service.
(CHUCKLES)
ELSBETH: Bye.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Yeah, we were friends.
Used to be.
I always thought we'd have time
to patch things up, but
God makes other plans.
We're gonna find the
monster that did this.
You hear me?
ELSBETH: Oh, oh.
He did it. He's the killer.
What? He's been on screen
for, like, two seconds.
How could you possibly know that?
He has three Tony awards.
Mm. It's not as fun when
you know who did it.
Oh, I don't know about that.
(INDISTINCT TV DIALOGUE)
KAYA: I feel like we haven't
gotten any friend time in a minute.
- Aw.
- Between my classes,
and Teddy coming to town,
and jury duty, and
It's just been
(SETS DOWN PLATE)
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Are you sure you're all right?
Yeah. Ever since jury duty,
you've just been
Oh, no, I'm fine, you don't
have to worry about me.
What about you?
Have you given any
more thought to that ME
becoming your room-ie?
I don't know, he seems normal enough,
for a guy who works with dead bodies.
He has good credit. He's a doctor.
But
But he's cute?
And bakes?
Ooh, would you look at the time?
Okay.
Fine, fine.
But if you want my advice
the world is full
of enough dealbreakers.
Don't go looking for ones
that don't exist.
Okay. Can I help you with all this?
- Ooh, yes.
- (CHUCKLES)
Hi, Delia, um
I know this is my fifth time calling,
and I'm sure you probably want
to put all this behind you,
but I can't stop thinking
about your trial.
And Andy, and how someone
got away with his murder,
and they're still out there,
and I want to find the truth
and get justice
because that's what Andy deserves.
And I could use your help.
Oh, uh, this is Elsbeth, by the way.
Uh, you have my number.
(CALL CLICKS OFF)
- Tascioni.
- Oh. Captain. Hi.
Hello. Howdy.
Yeah, howdy, yourself.
Is everything alright?
Uh, yeah, A-OK.
Uh
what can I do for you?
We heard from your new celebrity
friend, Regina Coburn.
This was delivered
to her doorman this morning.
If I was a betting man, which I am,
I'd say that's Cal Reed's
blood on the envelope.
Ooh. What's inside?
It's a script.
According to Ms. Coburn,
she was halfway through reading
before she noticed the drops
of blood on the envelope.
WAGNER: "Deuteronomy 32:35"?
Is it a religious manifesto?
Every episode of Father Crime
is named after a Bible verse.
But according to FatherCrimeWiki.com,
this episode doesn't exist.
"You are only hurting yourself.
"Give us Wavey if you
know what's good for you.
This doesn't have to be painful."
This is almost a perfect match
for some of Regina's fan mail.
Same stationary, too.
What does it have to do
with Calvin Reed's murder?
WAGNER: Only one
way to find out.
Anybody feel like reading a script?
Hmm?
"Exterior. Alley. Night.
"A figure watches from behind a dumpster
"as Jason, 45, looks over his shoulder."
"REVEAL: Candy, 23,"
"doesn't know how beautiful she is."
'Hey, stud. Looking for fun tonight?'
Ms. Tascioni, why are you
talking like Batman?
It's my serious cop show voice.
Let's just get to the point, please.
Top line.
Fine.
The victim in this script
is murdered almost exactly
the same way Cal was.
Bound, gagged and stabbed in the eye?
Just with a knife, not a shoe.
Not sure why the killer
changed that part.
So someone wanted to take credit
for the murder
by writing it into a script?
Well, that's what I thought,
except the cover page was dated
a week before the murder.
I think someone followed
this script to kill Cal.
Okay. Anything else of note in there?
Oh, well, on page 12,
um, Father Garvey finally
confesses his love for Felicity,
leading to a passionate, overdue kiss.
And then, for the next 20 pages,
Wavey consummates their relationship.
In graphic detail.
In every room in the precinct.
Yeah. And there's, um,
one more thing.
Look.
An email address?
And you think we should
send an email and say,
"Hey, it's the police.
Did you kill Cal?"
No, but there must be
some way to get a writer
to take credit for their work.
Your 2:00 is here.
You have no clue how excited I was
to get your email
saying you liked my script.
I have some brilliant ideas for
You're under arrest
for the murder of Calvin Reed.
We got you dead to rights, kid.
Your script contains
the method of Cal's murder,
the blood on the envelope
is a DNA match for Cal,
and we found this
in the trunk of your car.
A high-heeled shoe?
I have no idea how that got in there.
I swear.
I'm being framed.
I told you, I was at the ice cream truck
with everyone else.
Yeah, we asked around,
and no one has any memory
of seeing you there.
The curse of being a background actor.
FLEMING: I get it.
You didn't want to hurt him. You had to.
He was the only thing preventing
your precious Wavey.
What?
Why are you smiling at me?
You're doing the voice.
What voice?
The Father Crime voice.
I thought that was just a thing on TV.
I am not, uh
Oh. Damn it.
I would never hurt anyone.
But more importantly,
I would never do anything
to hurt Father Crime.
It's everything to me.
Father Garvey taught me compassion
and kindness.
And when Felicity beat
cancer in season seven,
I knew I could overcome my own struggles
with restless leg syndrome.
We know all about
how much you love the show.
You were kind enough to explain
in these terrifying letters.
And when Cal didn't give you
what you wanted,
you took matters
- into your own hands.
- Huh.
That's not how I imagined it.
Like I said,
dead to rights, case closed.
ELSBETH: I'm not entirely convinced
- this case is closed.
- Oh, geez.
I mean, Detective Fleming is right.
All evidence points to Blake,
just maybe too much so.
Because why would he just hand us
the blueprint for the murder,
a clear motive, an email address,
and then walk right into a trap
only to deny committing the murder?
The man is clearly a few
sandwiches short of a picnic.
You've read the letters.
Okay, well, look at the letters.
All of the words slant to the left
because Blake is left-handed.
Oftentimes, people who are left-handed
will turn whatever they're writing on
to counter that.
But the whiteboard in
Cal's office is fixed in place.
And the message, "Give us Wavey,"
is perfectly straight.
So Blake didn't write that.
He's being set up.
- By who?
- Regina Coburn.
Now, hold on
All right, all right. Listen.
Don't these cop shows operate
under the arbitrary ticking clock?
Detective Fleming, we will
hold Mr. Balsam 48 hours.
Ms. Tascioni, you and Officer Blanke
will have that time to bring us proof
that Regina Coburn is guilty.
So, go.
Thank you, Captain Wagner.
- We will get
- (CELL PHONE BUZZING)
Oh. Um, I have to run
a quick errand first,
but I'm on it. Bye.
WAGNER: 48 hours,
Ms. Tascioni.
Okay.
ELSBETH: So, don't be nervous.
Last time I was here,
I was tried for a murder I didn't commit.
Yes, and I got you out of that,
and I'll help you with this, too.
I even filled out the form for you.
- Oh.
- Okay?
Good morning. I'd like to submit a
(WHISPERING): Expedited
an expedited request
for the transcripts from my trial.
Please.
Who's that?
Just a friend.
Name of the presiding judge?
Uh, Crawford.
(TYPING)
Will you be paying cash or card?
PETE: After a long, mindful
conversation with the network,
we have agreed to honor Cal's memory
and our contractual obligations
by finishing production of this season
with me at the helm.
- Elsbeth.
- What? Oh. Oh, hi.
Hi. I thought I saw you.
And then I thought,
"Well, who else could it be
dressed as a member
of the Lollipop Guild?"
Why are you here?
I thought you'd made an arrest.
Oh, you know,
dotting our T's, crossing our I's.
Finishing off all the other
letters while we're at it.
Mm. Well, now I'm confused.
Blake had motive, means and opportunity.
He wrote threats to Cal.
Nobody could back up his alibi.
And don't even get me started
on his murder script.
What more do you need?
ELSBETH: Whoa.
For a second there,
I forgot you aren't a real detective.
(LAUGHING): That's so funny.
'Cause I was just thinking
the same thing about you.
It's true, Blake's script
pretty closely matches
the method of murder, but it turns out
he sent it to a whole list of people.
But you know what is
- especially interesting?
- Hmm-mm.
He says he never sent you a copy.
Something about knowing
that you wouldn't get the vision.
How you never believed in Wavey.
Well, he's a murderer,
so I suppose lying
isn't out of the question for him.
Maybe.
But I'm not easy to fool.
Well, good luck with your I's and T's.
I'm off to meet with my dialect coach
to prep for London. Ta.
Now, which one of these people
do you think Regina
stole the script from?
No, I most certainly did not read
that sad boy's script.
Barely enough time
to read the real scripts
with all the last-minute
changes around here.
It went promptly into the trash.
Turn.
KAYA: Yeah, that's what
the hair and makeup team said, too.
And Props and Post and Crafty.
Jack, any recollection
of a script from Blake Balsam?
Very long and vaguely pornographic?
I don't read unsolicited manuscripts.
Like I told my doorman
and brother-in-law.
DANE: Melinda, I think
we need to try a holster.
KAYA: So much to keep track of.
Things ever go missing?
(LAUGHING): "Missing." Try stolen.
Like I wouldn't notice
an $800 pair of heels
vanishing into thin air.
So, Jack,
is Bear Man a man
who is part bear
or a bear who's part man?
JACK: I never asked.
I just put on the suit
- and bring my Jackness to it.
- Oh.
I heard that the Father Crime
filming schedule
prevents you and Regina
from doing outside projects,
but it seems like you do
a lot of outside projects.
Just not Regina.
That's because Regina wants to do
boring period pieces that nobody wants.
They want to see me
save the world from aliens
or robots or-or Russians
or a combo of those things.
If you ask me, Cal was doing her
a favor by saying no.
So no love lost between the two of you.
JACK: She thinks she deserves
everything I get and more.
I mean, look at our dressing rooms.
She had it written into her
contract after season four
that they had to be identical.
Oh, I noticed that.
You have the same, um, stereo system.
Yeah, well, the joke's on her.
She bought one for herself a while back,
so Cal had to buy me one
on the show's dime.
It's like Howard Stern
is in the room with you.
You recognize this script?
Yeah. That showed up on my desk
the morning before
uh, you know.
Cal liked to flip through
unsolicited materials
just in case there was anything
worth repurposing.
But he never read that.
He was busy managing Regina's freak-out
over the new ending he was working on.
So Regina was with Cal
when he received his copy.
- Do you know where it is?
- I don't.
So Regina could've taken
Cal's copy.
Gia, how certain are you
that Regina was in her dressing room
during lunch on the day that Cal died?
GIA: Positive. I heard her in there
running lines when I was walking over to
the art department to print out
a sign for the ice cream truck.
Did you notice anything unusual?
No, not really.
I
I heard her say "corpse"
even though Cal had just changed
the line to say "cadaver."
That's not like her at all.
Maybe because it wasn't her.
This new ending
that Regina was so upset about,
is it on Cal's computer?
No, Cal never wrote anything
on his computer.
I transcribed everything for him.
Oh, so it's in a notebook?
Cal wrote on just about everything.
Grocery bags, napkins, Bible pages.
If it's in there,
it's probably lost forever.
I hate to give you more work to do,
but we're gonna need
to find that ending.
ELSBETH: So, not only did Regina
have access to Blake's script,
she also could have easily stolen
the murder weapon from Wardrobe.
Her alibi could've easily been faked
with a recording of her running lines.
That would also explain
why the lines she was saying were wrong.
- Mm-hmm.
- (THEME MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV)
Oh, the FanFave Audience Awards
were right.
This theme song is very catchy.
Ah. Okay, so according to Gia,
Regina was mad at Cal
over the new ending.
And then there's the phone call
to the masseuse.
Regina was the only person
close enough to Cal
- to know his real calendar.
- Mm-hmm.
But even if she used
some fake accent, how do you
(SCOTTISH ACCENT): So,
Callum, Professor Baird and I
were just discussing your final marks.
He seems to believe we have a case
Did Regina do a lot
of accents on the show?
I don't know.
But I know who would.
Felicity is a master of dialects.
It's one of her greatest
strengths as a detective.
Uh, there's episode 208
where she goes undercover
as a waitress in Jersey
to bust a drug ring.
Uh, episode 319,
she infiltrates a Swiss bank.
In season four,
she does a bit of Aussie.
Who could forget the episode
in the German consulate?
I could go on.
ELSBETH: Do any of
these sound like the person
who canceled the massage?
REGINA (NEW JERSEY ACCENT):
What can I get ya, sweetheart?
No.
REGINA (GERMAN ACCENT):
Ah. Guten Tag, Mr. Chancellor.
(SOUTHERN ACCENT): Oh, bless your heart.
- You're madder than a wet hen.
- No.
None of these.
Whoever called me that day
had a weird accent.
Yes, that's the word you keep using.
Uh, can you think of
any other descriptor
for the voice you heard?
Any at all?
Just, like, weird.
Okay. Uh, thank you again
for all of your
help.
Yes. Thank you, Heidi.
Who do you think you are,
you brainless, action movie moron?
Oh, you want to compare films?
Oh, right, you don't make any!
REGINA: You're an embarrassment!
JACK: You're 20 years
too old for your part!
You're 20 years too old
for your girlfriend!
Are those cameras still rolling?
JACK: When's the last
time you had a date, Regina?
When's the last time
you called your kids, Jack?
Have you seen this kind of thing before?
Maybe between Regina and Cal?
REGINA: Call me when you're done.
(LAUGHS) Get my agent on the phone.
Sorry.
And this is unedited footage
from season 13.
I held onto it in case of a lawsuit.
What are you screaming about now?
What do you want from me?
You're supposed to kick
the chair in fury.
- Oh, my God.
- Do you see that?
It says "in fury."
I don't know how many
times I got to tell you,
you read the whole script.
You read it including stage directions.
It's not just your dialogue,
it's not just about you!
Okay!
They fight like an old married couple.
CALVIN: Back to one, heinous beast.
Screw yourself, you ghoul!
What married couples do you know?
PETE: And action.
(BAD SCOTTISH ACCENT): So,
Callum, Professor Baird and I
was just discussing your final marks.
That's definitely not
what she sounded like
when we watched the episode on TV.
She sounds
- Weird.
- weird.
What do you know about
Regina's accent work?
(PIANO PLAYING SOFTLY,
INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MOUTHS)
CRAWFORD: The trick
at these kinds of things
is to slip them a 50
at the top of the night.
Monsieur.
Milton. Always a pleasure.
Well, you had the right
idea, hiding over here.
All this schmoozing and glad-handing,
it's all so undignified.
Leave the pleasantries
to the wives, I say.
Well,
Claudia is much more adept
at all of this than I am.
Yes.
Well, some of us are born for it.
Others are invited in,
for whatever reason.
Hmm.
Bunny.
So good to see you.
(CHUCKLES)
Well. Captain.
(GLASS CLINKS)
Oh, please send your friend
Ms. Tascioni my regards.
I heard she came to the
courthouse yesterday.
I was sorry to have missed her,
but she'll be seeing me again very soon.
Do make sure she gets the message.
(MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY)
Hey, God.
- Me again.
- PETE: Cut.
Jack, the line is, "Oh, merciful
Father, I beseech thee."
Yeah, see, that doesn't feel right.
- (SIGHS)
- (BELL RINGS)
JACK: What?
(GRUMBLES)
What?
- Just
- Come on.
Elsbeth, I really must insist
that you quit these unannounced visits.
You're in my eyeline.
But your eyes were closed.
I'm sorry. Respect the process.
Um, actually, I'm here on official
Father Crime business.
See, Gia found Cal's new ending.
It was written on the back
of a drugstore receipt
dated the morning he died.
You don't say.
(LAUGHS): Yeah.
All this for a pack of gum.
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Interior. Hospital. Night.
"Felicity clings to life
"as Father Garvey enters.
"He kneels by her bedside.
'Oh, merciful Father, I beseech thee.'"
Uh, prayer, prayer, prayer.
Oh, and then,
"Through the power
of Father Garvey's love,
Felicity stirs awake."
She says, "'Oh, Rick."
"'Rick, I saw a bright light,
but I heard your voice
calling me back.'"
And he says, "'Oh, Felicity.
"'I thought I lost you.
"'And I knew
that I could never be
without you again.'"
We push in.
"Garvey and Watts share an overdue,
"passionate, wet kiss.
His hands slide under her h"
All right, we-we get it.
It's very touching, but it's too late.
There's no time to make
any more changes to the script.
I'm off to the airport tonight.
Oh, shoot. Oh, right.
(BRITISH ACCENT): London calling.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- (REGULAR ACCENT): Oh, but I suppose
if Cal got the ending he wanted,
- you wouldn't be able to do Mac
- (GASPS)
The Scottish Play.
Yes, it's a small silver lining
to this terrible tragedy, I guess.
I don't think I'm gonna be able
to make it across the pond,
- but
- Aww.
I mean, would you, if it's not
too much to ask, just do a little taste
- of your Lady M for me, please?
- Oh, I (CHUCKLES)
- Oh, please? Do it and I'll go.
- (CHUCKLES) Well fine, fine, fine.
A little "out, damned spot"
just for you.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
(BAD SCOTTISH ACCENT): Out, damned spot!
- Out, I s
- That's-that's-that's it.
That's the accent that I heard.
(REGULAR ACCENT): This is a
closed set. Who's this person?
Oh, you know Heidi. I mean,
maybe not by face or name,
but you spoke on the phone
with her the day you killed Cal.
- (GASPS)
- (CREW GASPING)
I did no such thing.
This woman is clearly unhinged.
I mean, look at, uh, how she dresses.
KAYA: We were wondering
why Heidi couldn't recognize
any of your accent work
from Father Crime.
Turns out, it wasn't your work at all.
It's the work of Hannah Basich,
your dialect coach.
(LAUGHS): Okay, well, this is rich.
I'm great at dialects. Ask the fans.
It's the reason I was cast as Lady M.
ELSBETH: No, you're not.
Cal and Hannah have
been secretly dubbing
your accents for 20 seasons now.
That's why Cal
never let you do those period pieces.
He was protecting you.
But you couldn't see it.
Or hear it.
Your ego made that impossible.
You didn't want to kill Cal, you had to.
The new ending would upend
your plans for the West End.
Without Felicity in a coma,
you would have to be
right back on this set
in a matter of weeks.
And after 20 long years,
you weren't gonna let Cal
push you around any longer.
Using your crime show expertise,
you knew exactly how to craft
an alibi, plant clues,
tee up a suspect and
provide a distraction.
Planning the murder was the easy part.
All you had to do was read the script.
Or scripts, I should say.
Equal parts Blake's
and The Scottish Play.
Kill the king and frame the guard.
Or in this case, a background cop.
Well, you can't prove any of this.
Any idiot here could get
their hands on the script,
sneak into Cal's office,
and kill him with a shoe.
And I've done this long enough to know
that that evidence
would never hold up in court.
ELSBETH: Ooh, you see,
the script didn't mention a shoe.
The script mentioned a stiletto,
as in, a stiletto knife.
KAYA: It's where the name comes from.
More commonly used
for killing than a shoe.
ELSBETH: We couldn't figure out
why the murder weapon changed.
Anyone who read the script
could have killed Cal.
Except anyone
would've noticed the word "knife"
written on pages three, 12, 20
and 34, unless, of course,
that person was in the habit of
only reading Felicity's lines.
KAYA: Regina Coburn,
you're under arrest
for the murder of Cal Reed.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will
be used against you in
Oh, shut up. I know the rest of it.
I guess you won't
be doing Macbeth after all.
(CREW YELPING)
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Oh, gosh.
I guess it is a curse.
(SPITTING)
(HORN HONKS)
Oh. Captain Wagner. (CHUCKLES)
What are you doing still here?
Sit down, Ms. Tascioni.
Despite our rocky start,
I think, over the past year,
I've more than proven
that I respect you both
as a colleague and as friend.
And I assumed that
the feeling was mutual.
It is. Of course it is.
So I'm gonna ask this once.
What the hell is going on?
Why are you sneaking off
to the courthouse
in the middle of the day?
And why is Judge Milton Crawford,
of all people, asking after you?
Because the last time
you acted this cagey,
you were investigating me for the DOJ.
(EXHALES)
This is gonna sound crazy.
(TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(LINE RINGING)
Uh, Cameron?
Hey.
This uh, this is Officer Blanke.
No, sorry, just
it's Kaya. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Yeah.
Uh, I know it's late, I just
the day got away from me.
So, I had a chance
to look over your documents,
and I think you'd be a perfect fit.
For the room.
For the room,
if you're still interest
You are?
Great.
That's great. Uh, how's next week?
REPORTER: made by pop star
TruRose that Van Ness's lawyers
withheld crucial information
brought to light in
his first divorce proceedings,
drawing into question
the validity
of their prenuptial agreement.
This is a late-breaking
Uh, Cameron?
I got to go.
This is not one of our usual suspects.
You're accusing
a sitting judge of murder.
Crawford is a powerful man
with powerful friends.
If what you suspect is true
and granted, it usually is
he's also a dangerous man.
Are you sure you want
to go down this road?
I am.
Someone has to uphold justice.
Then you better tread lightly.
Because if he learns
you're coming after him,
he's gonna come after you even harder.
And he won't miss.
Now
what do we have to do
to take this son of a bitch down?
A Chicago judge has
unsealed court documents
that reveal accusations
made by Amber Van Ness
that a 2016 police report
filed against her husband
was illegally suppressed.
The lawyers named in the newly
acquired court records
have yet to be reached for comment.
(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Your move, Ms. Tascioni.
(CHUCKLES)