Elsbeth (2024) s02e12 Episode Script

1
You want what's best
for your kids. Who doesn't?
Well, the best thing
you can do for your child,
not to mention your own peace
of mind and social status
is to get them into the college
of their choice.
That's where I come in.
We're talking Ivy League?
There are other schools,
but not in this office.
- So, how exactly does it work?
- If you agree,
your son will be paired
with a success trainer,
a recent Ivy League graduate
who will get to know
your son's personality and interests,
to push him into the right pursuits,
to craft his story for applications.
Andy doesn't have any real interests.
He's just a kid.
- Honey
- Oh, that's not unusual.
But I've had great success
with all sorts of students
who just needed a push
in the right direction,
including one who just became
director of admissions
at Baden University.
So
our pricing schedule.
This is an obscene amount of money.
Schools are cracking down,
trying to be more "meritocratic."
Gone are the days when a simple
ten-million-dollar donation
guaranteed you a spot freshman year.
In the current climate,
Outmatch Educational Consulting
is a real bargain.
Maybe we should think about it.
Sure. But you don't want
to start too late,
panic senior year,
end up sharing a prison cell
with a Desperate Housewife.
[SIGHS]
You're hired.
Great. Great. Let's go tell Andy.
Good news, Andy.
Your future is assured.
Okay, Jacob, you have
to turn in your math homework
before you go to band practice.
Don't lie to me.
Uh, someone rake the sandbox.
- Make sure he didn't pee.
- WOMAN: Copy.
Bob Shayne called twice,
and he didn't sound happy.
BOB: Rejected.
[OVER PHONE]: You said Bobby Jr.
would get into Baden no problem.
LAWRENCE: I am shocked.
Bobby's application
and his proficiency in the oboe
were very impressive,
but there are no guarantees.
I paid you over $600,000,
and you can't get my kid
into my Alma mater?
You'd better fix this, Grey,
or I will make sure
nobody on Wall Street
or Park Avenue ever falls
- for your smug little spiel again.
- [CALL HANGS UP]
It's not just him.
Baden early action has been a bloodbath.
It's like they know
which students are ours
and they're rejecting them all.
I think I better pay a visit
to their director of admissions.
Baden's call now hear us sing ♪
Let its echo boldly ring ♪
For the glory, for the pride ♪
LAWRENCE: Hello, Ethan.
Larry.
How'd you get through campus security?
I was helping a client
get ready for the LSATs.
And I prefer "Lawrence."
I know.
Congratulations on your job.
Thanks.
I got your gift basket.
Oh, you still haven't opened it.
I plan to keep it there, as a reminder
of the corruption in this business.
There's perishables in there.
You know what else is perishable?
A young boy's dreams.
[SIGHS] This again?
You and my parents pushed me
into a life I didn't want.
Mm, looks like you're doing okay.
I wanted to go to drama school.
That wouldn't have helped
your application that year.
I could've gone to an inferior
school and been happy.
Well, that's not what your
parents were paying me for.
Fencing meant nothing to me.
Fencing got you into Baden,
and helped you tame your asthma.
- How is your asthma, by the way?
- Don't change the subject.
[CAT MEOWING]
Shoo. Shoo, shoo, shoo.
-Get away, get away, get away.
- [HISSES]
[CAT MEOWS]
Damn cat is everywhere.
[INHALER HISSES]
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
You shouldn't be here. It's unethical.
Tell your rich clients I don't
talk to paid consultants.
- Ethan, we have a history.
- Exactly.
So I know all your tricks.
I can spot an Outmatch
application a mile away.
And I might as well tell you,
now that I've got this job,
I will make sure that no
student of yours is admitted
to Baden University ever again.
I will use this job to
expose you once and for all
as the charlatanyou are.
Now get out of my office, Larry.
How about we fence for it?
[LAUGHS]: What?
Like old times.
Uh, you win, you never have to deal
with me again.
I win, you give Bobby Shayne Jr.
a second chance.
He's a good kid.
He doesn't deserve to be penalized
just because his dad is a billionaire.
You do know I'm also
the fencing coach here, right?
Well, then, you should have
no trouble humiliating me.
- [SCOFFS]
- Come on. We'll keep it a secret,
so there's no ethical concerns.
What do you say?
[HISSES]
LAWRENCE: Four sections,
35 minutes each. You got this.
I'm worried about my borderline ADD.
You just need to focus.
I'm gonna be in that chair over there,
and if I see you get distracted,
I'm gonna start the test again.
Here, these will help.
And
start.
Sure you want to do this, old man?
I'll help you with that.
Get it over that big brain of yours.
ETHAN: Prêts? Allez.
[LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
Ah!
[CHUCKLES]
You're not as bad as I expected.
You're not the last kid
I got into college this way.
[CHUCKLES]
- [DEVICE BEEPS]
- [LAUGHS]
[GROANS]
[COUGHS]
[WHEEZING]
[COUGHING]
Something wrong?
I can't breathe.
[COUGHING]
My inhaler.
[WHEEZING]
It's in my bag.
Help! He [COUGHING]
We regret to inform you
that your application for help
has been rejected.
[WHEEZING]
[BREATHING STOPS]
♪
[ALARM BEEPS]
Is that time already?
Well done.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
DONNELLY: The deceased is one
Ethan Brooks.
He was the new director
of admissions and fencing coach.
So he was killed in a duel?
Wait, I don't see any blood anywhere.
Well, the manager found him alone.
He was probably practicing by himself.
And he just died?
He had, uh, a medical ID bracelet.
Severe allergic asthma.
Something must have triggered it.
He still had his mask on.
This mask?
Ooh. There's some kind of
thread in here, light blue.
Do you see that?
- Don't get too close.
- [SHOUTS]
[SNEEZES]
Oh, that was close.
- Yes, it was.
- Sorry.
- Are you allergic to anything?
- Uh, just cats.
Although I love them.
Even if they are
emotionally unavailable.
It's funny you should say that,
because there was a cat
near the body when it was found,
but it jumped out the window
and it got away.
Huh.
I don't understand.
Asthma attacks don't happen that fast.
If he saw the cat and
felt an attack coming on,
why wouldn't he just pull off the mask
and then go get this inhaler?
And what was a cat doing
in a college fencing gym anyway?
Maybe it needed the credits.
- Ha. [LAUGHS]
- [KAYA CHUCKLES]
Ooh.
What's this?
Oregano?
Well, we'll get all of this tested.
So far, there's nothing
to seriously suggest foul play.
Watch out.
This was attached to his fencing suit?
Ooh.
- That's weird.
- What is?
ELSBETH: Well, there
are points on both sides.
So, was this score left over
from an earlier match?
Or [GASPS]
Was someone else here?
And if it was, why didn't that
person do anything to help?
- Right?
- Whoa.
What kind of person
would watch a man
[RASPY GASPING]
Die like that?
BOB: What's the word, Lawrence?
You saying my Bobby still has a chance?
I'm feeling really good about it.
WAGNER: The death
of a Director of Admissions
of a top New York university
is a significant event.
It is?
I mean, I believe you, but why?
Well, that man was
the only thing standing
between some very rich people
and their kids
going to the college of their choice.
Oh, that.
My kids are dummies.
WANGER: So where are we?
The autopsy shows bruising on the chest
that doesn't comport
with fencing injuries.
So something or someone
kept him from getting his inhaler.
Oh, and what looked like
oregano on the windowsill?
That turned out to be catnip.
No!
Do you think someone was trying
to lure cats to the gym,
just to trigger Ethan's asthma?
That seems like a pretty
unreliable method of murder.
ELSBETH: Right?
Cats never do what you tell them to do,
unlike Gonzo.
Doesn't anyone ever think
of a gun anymore?
Well, the toxicology report
did find a surprising amount
of cat dander inside the mask
that Ethan was wearing,
and they also found
a mysterious, light blue fiber
that they're trying to identify.
WAGNER: So cat
dander in the mask
triggered Ethan Brooks's asthma?
How would cat dander get in there?
It had to be put there, intentionally,
by someone who knew
Ethan's health history.
Not necessarily. Allow me
to introduce you to Quad Cat.
This feisty feline
is a Baden University celebrity
with her own Instagram account.
Aww. She's so cute.
Too bad she would make my throat close.
I'm allergic.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but
we need to find out more
about that pussycat.
We also need to go through
Ethan's office.
Looks like we're all
going back to school.
KAYA: Speaking of,
I guess this is a good time
to tell you all,
I just found out myself,
but I successfully completed
my courses and got the credits I needed.
What? Kaya!
Hey! That's great news.
Isn't it, Lt. Connor?
It certainly is. Congratulations.
Thank you.
I hope, looking back,
you'll find that this little hiccup
turned out to be worthwhile.
I doubt it. But thanks.
This is cause for celebration.
How about dinner
at my place tomorrow night?
All of you. And I promise, no duck.
KAYA: That is so nice.
Are you sure?
Yes. Absolutely.
And plus, it'll help me
get over my missing Angus.
It was a whirlwind romance, but
he had to go back
to his life in Scotland.
We'll see each other again
when the time's right.
- Like Brigadoon.
- Yes.
The case is open.
Oh, right, right. Um, okay.
Details to follow. And, um, Kaya,
I want you to bring Cameron, your
Tenant.
He's my tenant.
[CHUCKLES]
ELSBETH: Teddy! Oh!
What are you doing here?
I'm helping Roy move into
his new place this weekend.
Why didn't you tell me you were coming?
Well, you know, if I give you
too much warning,
you'll, like, throw a party
or something.
Funny you should say that.
Kaya's becoming a detective
and I'm throwing her a party tomorrow.
Oh, good for Kaya, that's great.
Yeah. You have to come,
and you have to bring Roy.
- It's time I met him.
- I don't know.
I'm not sure he's ready
for the full interrogation.
Please? It has to happen sometime.
[GROANS SOFTLY]
Unless you think it's not that serious.
[GRUNTS] Okay.
[GASPS] So it is serious.
Hey, don't you have a murder
to investigate or something?
Oh, yes, we're investigating
the mysterious death
of a college admissions officer.
Really? Well, you should
have plenty of suspects.
Well, the letters
that went out this week
are for early action deciders.
We still have thousands more
applications to get through.
This pile says "no way."
LARKIN: Mr. Brooks had his own
way of doing things.
Oh, this is nice.
Cheese!
I think I smell cheese. [SNIFFS]
Oh. Who sent this?
I believe that was sent
by Lawrence Grey,
someone rich people hire to get
their children into Baden.
Is that ethical?
You can see that it was never opened.
So, Ethan didn't appreciate it?
The two had a long history.
KAYA: This is Kelly Davis,
who runs the Quad Cat Instagram account.
Oh. She's my pride and joy. [LAUGHS]
Oh, I can see why. She's so photogenic.
- Mm-hmm.
- Did you always call her Quad Cat?
Or did you change her name
when you came to Baden?
Oh, no, the name Quad
Cat didn't actually
come from being on campus.
I called her Quad Cat
because she only has
four toes on each of her front paws.
Cats usually have five in the front,
only four in the back.
That's actually very interesting.
Why are you asking about her?
Uh, Quad Cat was seen in the fencing gym
around the time that Ethan Brooks died.
Is it possible that your cat
triggered his asthma?
Oh, no, she's hypoallergenic.
KAYA: Hmm.
That's good to know.
Thanks. We'll be in touch.
ELSBETH: Bye.
So, if it wasn't Quad Cat
nestling in the fencing mask,
then what or who caused Ethan's death?
Did anybody have it in for him?
You might want to start with
the "no way and pissed" pile.
My daughter had a 3.97 average
and wrote an epic poem
on the life of Madeline Albright.
What more did that son of a bitch want?
- So you killed him?
- No. I left a nasty voicemail.
RUDY: I was president of the class,
number one on the track team
and went to 14 gay/straight
student alliance meetings
as an ally.
So, yeah, when I was rejected,
I wrote nasty stuff
on his Facebook page.
We've been preparing our son
to get into Baden for years.
This was not an acceptable outcome.
That's all I said
when I shouted at Mr. Brooks
in the parking lot.
Did you ever see him after that?
No. I just had to blow off some steam.
When I think of how much
money I spent [SCOFFS]
Wait, I don't understand.
Isn't the application fee
pretty nominal?
It is. But, you know,
there are other expenses.
Tutoring. Other stuff.
What "other stuff"?
I'm not sure I'm supposed
to talk about this.
We knew the results weren't guaranteed.
But when you're spending
so much money
So much money paid to who?
We didn't want other parents to know.
Otherwise, they'd do it, too.
Okay, either tell me
what you're talking about,
or I'm gonna think that you
have something serious to hide.
And that won't be good for you.
And they were all clients of Outmatch?
- Isn't that interesting?
- We thought so.
I guess he did make
a lot of people angry.
It goes with the territory.
So, you knew Ethan well.
Yes, he was one of
my early success stories.
He was just a scrawny little kid
in his high school drama club,
always puffing on his inhaler.
I helped him find fencing,
which changed his life.
So you knew about his asthma.
He talked about that with everyone.
Huh.
So all these young people
are helping high school seniors?
Oh, no, we usually start younger.
That explains the sandbox.
Never too early.
Gosh.
Seeing all this makes me wonder
if I did right by Teddy.
- LAWRENCE: Your son?
- Mm-hmm.
- Where is he now?
- Oh, he works for a non-profit.
As long as he's happy.
But there's something
I don't understand.
You're talking as if there's
some kind of foul play involved.
I heard that Ethan's asthma
was triggered by Quad Cat.
- Got in through a window.
- Where'd you hear that?
Story's been going around.
Academia is a very small community.
Well, that story's impossible.
Quad Cat is hypoallergenic.
Really?
That's surprising.
Isn't it? It's a good thing, too,
because I'm allergic, myself.
But the only time I sneezed
at the crime scene
was when I got near Ethan's mask.
KAYA: The mask was full of cat dander,
and some mysterious fiber.
Huh. Well, probably
some other campus cat
popped in through that open window.
- Well, see, that's impossible, too.
- What do you mean?
The only cat prints
in the gym had four toes.
That's why she's called Quad Cat.
So, she was the only cat there.
And since she's hypoallergenic,
the dander in the mask wasn't hers.
So are you saying that this
is now a-a murder investigation?
It's starting to look that way, yeah.
May I ask where you were that evening?
I was with a client.
That information is proprietary, though.
[SNEEZES]
Oh, here.
Here, take this.
ELSBETH: Gosh, I'm sorry.
Thank you. [SNIFFLES]
Wow. [CHUCKLES]
- You don't have a cat, do you?
- Me? Nah.
I used to. But he died.
Name was Veritas.
- Miss him a lot.
- ELSBETH: Aww.
I understand.
Well, m-maybe some of his dander
is still on your jacket.
I doubt it, it was quite a while ago.
[ELSBETH BLOWS NOSE]
I'll get it cleaned, just in case.
Oh, wow. This is so soft.
[SNIFFLES]
I'll wash this and get it back to you.
KAYA: Okay. Thank you
so much for your time.
If you have any other ideas
about what might've happened,
please let us know.
Gosh, I guess there are a lot of people
who wanted that job at Baden.
Yeah, it's a very
cutthroat business, and
people will do anything
for their children.
Good luck to your son.
Thank you.
Sorry, little guy.
But you have to go.
[MEOWS]
[QUIET, INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hi.
[STAMMERS] Elsbeth. Is that right?
Exactly.
Just paying my respects.
Carl, your success trainer,
he told me where to find you.
And you were looking for me why?
Well [CHUCKLES]
You got me thinking.
Maybe I didn't do everything
I should've for Teddy.
And I don't want to make
that mistake again,
so I've decided to pay
for a consultation,
to help prepare my grandchild
for a successful life.
You look young to be a grandmother.
Aww, you're sweet.
And I'm not yet, but
Teddy has someone steady.
And he's gonna make a great dad,
and like you say, it's never too early.
I'm sorry, remind me what your
position is with the police?
Oh, um, I'm kind of a consultant.
Like you.
But they do listen to me more and more.
All right. Let's start.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]
[SIGHS]
Why do you think
your son failed to launch?
Failed? What do you mean?
You said he's working at a nonprofit?
Oh, that does important work in housing.
Mm-hmm. And what school did he go to?
University of Illinois.
So, non-Ivy. What was his major?
- Philosophy.
- They still do that?
Well, Teddy is extremely
thoughtful about many subjects.
I'm sure he's very well-rounded.
And that was fine when we were kids,
but that's not what the top
schools are looking for now.
Now they want "pointy" applicants.
- Pointy?
- Focused on one unusual thing,
like climate change, or coding.
[GASPS] Or fencing?
Nothing pointier than that.
- Exactly.
- [LAUGHS]
Uh
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Did you use to fence with Ethan?
- On occasion.
- But not the day he died,
because you have an alibi
that you can't reveal.
Actually, I asked my client
to release me
from that obligation.
I was administering a practice
LSAT exam to a Baden senior.
- William will be happy to confirm.
- Huh.
[STAMMERS] Can-can
you be careful with that?
[LAUGHS]: Sorry. It's just so fun.
Ka-chaw. Chaw. It's ridiculous.
I mean, fencing's
not a real thing, is it?
[SIGHS] Fencing demands
physical excellence and laser focus.
It also costs a lot,
and gets certain rich kids into college.
Do you ever feel bad about
the kids who can't afford
services like yours,
that don't get into the top schools?
I'm not competing against them.
We're competing against
other privileged kids
with the same advantages.
Well, that doesn't sound much better.
But I still think fencing
is silly. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, but I would love
for you to prove me wrong.
Maybe making it part of my consultation.
You understand the rules?
Yes. They're not that hard.
Wah. Wah. Did you hear that? [CHUCKLES]
En garde.
- Mask on.
- Oh, right.
[LAUGHS] Uh
Mm.
Wow, you know, they're so easy to
put on and take off.
I wonder why Ethan didn't take his off
when he couldn't breathe.
Prêts?
Oh.
Allez.
Ooh! Wow.
[CHUCKLES]: Okay. Okay.
All right, all right.
Okay. Got this.
Ah. Oh.
Gosh. Wow.
All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Prêts? Allez.
- Oh, no, you don't.
- [DEVICE BEEPS]
[LAUGHS]
Ooh!
Halt.
Look.
Points,
on both sides, just like
when Ethan's body was found.
I thought you wanted to fence. Prêts?
Allez.
You never told me if you have kids.
I do. A daughter.
- Mandy.
- Really?
Where did she go to college?
Uh, she hasn't yet.
She's taking a gap year.
Huh. How old is she?
- What does that matter?
- Well,
because it would be super ironic
if your own child failed to launch.
A-Ah, ah. Halt.
[GASPS] Oh, gosh.
Uh, did I hurt you?
No, it's fine.
I just twisted it, that's all.
Oh, good.
For a second there, I thought
I'd found your Achilles' heel.
[CHUCKLES]
CONNOR: I don't think
it's within regulations
to injure potential suspects.
It wasn't on purpose, I swear.
You might want to file a report.
Or wait until Larry Grey complains.
I think he prefers "Lawrence."
Which says all you need to know.
I don't like this case.
It's bringing up uncomfortable issues.
Oh, I know, like success and failure.
Like student loans.
Think very carefully
before you decide to have kids.
- Mm.
- CAMERON: Oh, no.
- No, we're not, we're not
- He's just
- I just
- He's just He's just my tenant.
- live in her house.
- Mm-hmm.
- But not like Yeah.
- I-I pay rent.
My mistake.
- [DOORBELL BUZZES]
- Oh. Oh, gosh.
- Oh, this is so exciting.
- Oh.
[LAUGHS] Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT] Do I look all right?
I thought this party was for me.
It is, but I've already met you.
Okay. Uh, here they come.
Here's Teddy and Roy.
Uh, actually, here's just Teddy.
What happened to Roy?
He's stuck at work.
[SIGHS] He'll come when he can.
[EXHALES]: Oh.
Hi, everyone. [CHUCKLES]
Hi.
I was afraid
- he got cold feet.
- TEDDY: No,
that was me, but I powered through.
Mom, what is this?
Oh, that's not what it looks like.
LSAT prep?
How many times have I told you, I
I have no interest
in going to law school.
Honey, I swear,
it was just to test an alibi.
To see if someone had enough time
during a practice test
to commit murder, that's all.
That sounds crazy, but I believe it.
It's true. I started the timer.
Although I do think,
if you were interested,
you would make a terrific
Can we eat?
Yep. Good idea.
WAGNER: Now,
Claudia and I uh,
she sends her regrets, by the way, uh,
she had a women's-only
political thing
uh, we would check
that the homework was done,
not that it was correct.
Kids need to fail sometimes to learn.
I was terrified of failure.
So how did you deal with it?
I'll let you know.
- He made a joke.
- [LAUGHTER]
Do you think I pushed you hard enough?
- Mom, let's not do this.
- Well, I'm afraid
I made you too rounded,
teaching you to be kind and read books.
I should have made you pointier,
and forced you to practice the viola.
Well, for that, you would have
had to be around more.
- You didn't think I was around enough?
- No,
I just, I mean [LAUGHS SOFTLY]
Face it, Mom, you and Dad
were both successful attorneys.
You know
you cared a lot about
your career, which is fine.
It's just, people from my generation
want a better work-life balance.
Yeah, I get that.
ELSBETH: Well, if
your new balance means
you'll be in New York more,
then I'm happy about that.
Yeah, well, it also means
I'm not so afraid of losing my job.
They can deal with me
taking some personal time.
Oh, well, you don't want to take
a good job for granted, though.
I'm good at my job.
I'm sure you are
It doesn't sound like you believe that.
- Look, I know I'm not a lawyer
- WAGNER: Hey, hey.
Don't be so hard on your mom.
She just doesn't want you
to lose that job.
She remembers how hard it was to get.
What does that mean?
I just went in for an interview.
Wait. Did you do something
to grease the wheels?
- Uh
- WAGNER: She didn't ask me.
I took it upon myself.
But how would you even know
what I was looking for?
Someone would have had to tell you.
- Teddy
- It's not her fault.
To tell the truth, uh,
I was currying favor.
[EXHALES]
Um, I have to go.
Oh, Teddy, wait.
- I thought I was doing well on my own.
- Well
- Is that even possible?
- What about Roy?
I'm gonna tell him not to come.
I'm sorry.
Congratulations, Kaya. Bye.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Elsbeth, I'm sorry. Too much wine.
Oh, it's not your fault. [CHUCKLES]
Sometimes I feel like
I did everything wrong.
That's called being a mother.
Unless you're bad at it,
and then you don't care.
KAYA: It'll blow over.
You and Teddy have a great relationship.
Kids are just tough.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hello?
MANDY: Hey, Daddy.
Mandy. What are you doing home?
I got tired of finding myself.
I need to do nothing for a while.
And I missed my cat.
Veritas?
Where is he?
Come to Mommy.
[KISSING]
- Veritas?
- Mandy.
What?
- Why are you limping?
- Never mind that.
Uh, sweetheart,
I didn't want to bother you
on your hiking
and creativity program, but
What, he's not dead, is he?
How?
That's not possible.
Daddy.
I trusted you
to look after him.
God, you ruin everything.
You're the worst father ever!
Thank you, Chris.
Hi.
Hi. Martin.
I have a gift for Lawrence Grey.
Mr. Grey isn't here.
I can take it for him.
Oh, okay. Please, make sure he gets it.
There's a card. It's sort of an apology.
We had a fencing accident.
Oh, my God.
Are you the crazy lady
who hurt my dad's ankle?
I'm pretty sure that's me.
Do you want to come upstairs?
Absolutely.
Thank you, Martin.
I'll just take it.
ELSBETH: So, was it more
hiking or more creativity?
Sometimes it would be both, like,
we'd make maps creatively.
- That sounds fun.
- Yeah, it was,
for a while, and then I got bored.
My dad thinks I'm "adrift"
just because my gap year
hasn't ended yet.
Well, how long has it been?
19 months.
Oh, it must be so hard,
considering what he does for a living.
- You have no idea.
- Well, what about your mom?
Mm. She has this crazy job
and is always traveling.
Plus, I feel like if I ever did
succeed at something,
they'd get the credit,
so what's the point?
Oh, my son feels that way, too.
Every time I'm about to move forward,
something bad happens.
Like last night, I came home
ready to start a new chapter,
and Daddy told me our cat died.
You didn't know?
He sounded like it happened a while ago.
Maybe. I've been gone about a month,
although Veritas was fine when I left.
I guess Daddy didn't want
to upset me over the phone.
Right.
He must have been wrecked.
I mean, he loved that cat more than me.
ELSBETH: Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
His ashes are in there.
Why are you here?
MANDY: Hey, Daddy.
What are you doing home?
Martin called me from downstairs.
I, uh, brought you this gift basket
to apologize for your ankle.
I figured, who doesn't like licorice?
I don't, actually.
And I'm afraid that you have
reached the limit of service
covered by your consultation fee.
Oh
LAWRENCE: If you would
like to hire Outmatch
to prepare your prospective grandchild,
you will need to enter a formal,
full-fee contract.
Right. I'm going to have
to think about that.
- It was so nice to meet you.
- You, too.
- You have my text.
- I do.
Oh, and Lawrence, I, uh, mm,
I brought you this. Nice and clean.
LAWRENCE: It didn't match
the "mystery fiber"?
No, it did not.
Too bad.
What?
"It was at that moment when I truly felt
"the injustice of the world.
"I vowed to never again compare myself
"to supermodels on Instagram,
and instead focus
on community service
and the French horn."
KAYA: Hmm.
Impressive, I guess.
I never knew privileged kids felt
so oppressed and downtrodden.
Hmm.
Maybe they just need a goal,
something bigger than getting
into a fancy school.
Mm.
Hi.
I'll leave you two alone.
Uh
Roy said I have to apologize.
Oh [CLEARS THROAT] You don't have to.
No. No, he's right.
I'm too sensitive.
He reminded me of how lucky I am
to have a mom who cares so much.
And whatever you do,
it's still up to me
to make the most of my life.
So, you don't feel bad
that you didn't go
to a more prestigious college,
or become a champion water polo player?
I loved my school.
I-I know a philosophy major
seems useless in the real world,
but, I don't know, it taught me to think
and notice things
that other people miss.
And I found my people.
Like you did, here in New York.
Thank you, Teddy.
And speaking of people in New York,
I brought you a present.
- Roy is here.
- [SOFT SQUEAL]
And he is waiting for you
in the interrogation room.
Oh, my gosh! Okay.
Ah!
Mom, this is
Roy!
- Oh!
- [ROY LAUGHS]
Did he apologize?
He did.
Okay, well, I'll leave you to it.
Mom, uh
go easy on him.
So, what do you want to know?
Maybe I should go in
there and break it up?
It's fine.
It's good you came back.
I think you're helping
your mom get over Angus.
Who's Angus?
- She didn't tell you?
- Uh-uh.
Your mom had a little romance
with a guy in Scotland.
She did? [GASPS]
Good for her. Wow.
It's so hard to remember
she's an adult sometimes.
It's the polka dots.
Yeah, I guess.
Wait.
This Angus guy,
he's not a fireman, is he?
Uh, and then there was
that fender bender,
but we already covered that.
I know. We've covered so much.
I'm so sorry.
No, this has been fun.
My parents never want
to talk about anything,
especially if it's unpleasant.
They never even told me
when our dog died.
They just said, "Murphy went
to live on a farm."
[GASPS] What? What-what did I do?
You might have just solved a case.
I've spoken to Bobby's success trainer
and we're gonna revise
Bobby's application
to focus on his deep interest
in Balinese dance.
[BOB OVER PHONE]:
We went on a vacation in Bali.
Um, that's where we got the idea.
We'll have updates for you soon.
You'd better.
[CALL HANGS UP]
- Hi, there.
- Elsbeth.
To what do I owe this, uh you?
Well, I've come with some bad news.
I've decided not to move forward
with Outmatch Educational Consulting.
I never thought you were serious.
You were just trying
to pin Ethan's murder on me,
which you couldn't.
Oh, no, that's not true.
- It's not?
- I was very interested
in your thoughts on education,
It helped me understand that
my Teddy turned out just fine.
I am so proud of him.
Well, that's very nice.
Just as you should be proud of Mandy.
In fact,
it was Mandy who helped
solve Ethan's murder.
- What? My Mandy?
- Mm-hmm.
'Cause I tried everything.
I mean, I read through
all the rejected applications,
and I saw that Ethan Brooks was
ruining your business.
So I took LSAT practice tests
and I proved that you had enough time
to slip out and kill him.
You knew that his allergies
would trigger his terrible asthma.
So you rubbed your own cat's dander
in his mask, and then, you put catnip
in the windowsill to lure in Quad Cat.
This wasn't to cause Ethan's attack
but to cover up the murder
that had already taken place.
- You do realize how insane you sound.
- I know!
It seemed crazy until
You remember Veritas.
- How did you?
- ELSBETH: People often lie
to their children when a pet dies.
I thought that
you had killed poor Veritas
to cover your tracks,
but then Mandy told me how much
you loved the little guy.
So I suggested she try to find him.
MANDY: I went to 17
different shelters
before I found the right one.
He was left by a man matching
your picture, Daddy,
along with his favorite toy.
A light blue cashmere mouse
costing $80.
And wouldn't you know it?
This plush cat toy
matches the mysterious
fiber in Ethan's mask.
It's what you used to rub
the dander in his mask,
and then you tried to make it look
like Quad Cat was the culprit.
Trying to frame another cat
for murder is pretty low.
ELSBETH: You didn't
know that Quad Cat
has only four toes,
and is hypoallergenic.
LAWRENCE: So you say,
but I swear I-I saw Ethan have
an allergic reaction
to that stupid cat.
Oh, that must have been from
the dander on your clothes,
the same way that it triggered me.
Well, you're all insane.
I've never seen that cat before.
- Veritas is dead.
- ELSBETH: Really?
Then maybe we should take a sample
from the sandbox out there
and compare it to the ashes
on your mantel?
So you finally got
off the couch and did something.
Oh, she just needed a goal.
One that didn't come from you.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can
and will be used against you.
Actually, Daddy,
my father being a murderer
is gonna be a great college essay.
I'll get in everywhere.
I'd be happy to work with you.
[SNEEZES]
Whoo! Sorry.
ELSBETH: These visits
always seem so short.
Yeah, well, you didn't have to listen
to Roy sing your mother's
praises for the last two days.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's okay. I kind of liked it.
Oh, also, I have some news.
Um, an old friend of mine from Chicago
who knows this kind of stuff
said that Mark Van Ness is
being taken to the cleaners
- in his divorce.
- No! Really?
In fact, this time next year,
his team is gonna be playing
at TruRose Stadium,
- all thanks to you.
- Well, good for her.
Oh, God, I'm just relieved
I don't have to worry
about any more black cars
- and someone telling me to "Get in!"
- [CHUCKLES] You're free.
- Well, I should go.
- Right.
Uh, wait. Teddy.
What you said about work-life balance
Oh, yeah, Mom, I-I didn't mean that.
I just want to say
I'm sure I didn't do everything right
but I ended up with a perfect son.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
You're, uh, you're done
with this, right?
Don't.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
[TIRES SCREECH]
CRAWFORD: Get in,
Ms. Tascioni.
I was impressed by the way you wriggled
your way out of trouble
in the Van Ness matter.
I'm sure you violated ethical standards
along the way, but that's
nothing new for you.
Well, you would know.
And I know that
your friend the captain got
the Mertens murder case reopened.
I assume that was at your direction?
Captain Wagner is his own man.
I shudder to think how this will affect
your friend Delia.
- [WHIMPERS]
- Delia?
She was acquitted of Andy's murder.
Double jeopardy applies.
Do you really think that a woman
like Delia can withstand
the kind of scrutiny
that may be coming her way?
Can you withstand the kind of scrutiny
that may be coming your way?
You're way too smart to have
made the kind of rookie errors
you made in that trial.
It's almost as if you had
some personal stake in the case.
Such as ?
I don't know yet.
But I won't stop until I do.
Onward, Baden, never yield ♪
With our minds upon the field ♪
With our courage we will rise ♪
Victory is ours ♪
Together we thrive. ♪