Everybody Loves Raymond s02e11 Episode Script

The Letter

I'm awake, right? I have these dreams sometimes.
I'm Helen, from Tupperware.
Yeah, that's one of them.
Ray, I'm so glad you're home.
You gotta help me get set up for this party.
- What? That thing is tonight? - That thing? Ray, I told you about this party again this morning.
You know, you never listen to anything I say.
Well, you say a lot.
Who are the pizzas for? See, here's the funny thing.
A couple of the guys might be coming over to watch the fight.
Might be.
I have been planning this Tupperware party for weeks.
Look, the fight's only tonight.
Come on, you can get plastic jugs any time.
That's not a jug.
That's our innovative Pick-A-Deli.
Its easy lift-up strainer lets you select a pickle without getting your fingers wet.
We've been living like animals.
Come on, don't ruin tonight for me.
I'm only doing this to see my friends for once, and to have a little fun.
And to find out what's on the cutting edge of food storage systems.
Ray, very classy.
Pay-per-view and dates.
Do I pick them, or do they pick me? - Are these guys staying? - No, they're only here to watch the fight which they'll be watching in the bedroom.
Bedroom? The hot zone! All right.
Listen, Ray, here's the deaI.
I'm letting your friends stay.
- Thank you.
- They're not allowed to touch anything.
I don't want them looking in the closet or the drawers or trying on my shoes.
What's with the broads? Here's what's gonna happen.
Guys, upstairs for the fight, and ladies, down here for your crap.
- Let's go.
Ready? - Yeah.
Just wanted to say goodbye to Amy.
Bye, honey.
Have fun.
See you later, Amy.
Okay, girls, it's time to play Barnyard Bingo.
- Winner gets a melon baller.
- Way to go.
Everybody think of your favorite barnyard animaI.
- Horse.
- Deb.
The chicken! Raymond, I got your crab and artichoke dip for your sports thing.
- What's all this? - Big Tupperware party.
Tupperware? Debra's giving a Tupperware party? I didn't know anything about this.
Ray, I told you to invite your mother.
Did you forget? Yes, I did.
Sorry, Marie.
Listen, just have a seat.
I'll get you a soda.
We're playing a game.
You have to think of your favorite barnyard animaI.
I like that movie Babe, with the talking pig.
I'll be that.
What do you think, Debra? I'm gonna get the sodas.
Honey, I'm sorry.
- I totally forgot you told me to invite her.
- You didn't forget.
I never told you to invite her because I didn't want her here.
So this wasn't my fault? I just can't believe that I can't have one night with my friends without her here butting in and making me crazy.
What're you going to do? Call off the party and maybe let my friends come down and watch the fight on the big TV? No, Ray.
I'm just gonna make the best of this.
I have my friends here and maybe your mother will buy a lot of Tupperware.
That's the spirit.
Come on, Debra, we need you.
You're our chicken.
So Bernie says to me, "All right, I'm gonna get the curtain rods for the bay windows.
" What, you think he measures it first? No.
He says to me: "I can eyeball it.
" Why don't men ever want to measure anything? Why do you think? Why? Anyway, I gotta tell you he had to go back to that hardware store 12 times.
Twelve times to buy curtain rods? Maybe Bernie's fooling around.
I have to use your phone.
Okay, for more free Tupperware, it's time to play Guess Whose Nighty? Did everybody put their nighty in the bag? I didn't bring one.
I wasn't told about the party.
- Well, why don't you pick first? - Okay.
I guess Amy.
Amy? No.
Hell, I never wear it.
Actually, I bought it speciaI for this game.
Robert's never seen it.
I'm sorry.
- Let's pick again.
- Okay.
- My, what is this? - Marie! It's not your turn.
You had your turn already.
- I wore that on my honeymoon.
- I'm so sorry, GaiI.
I could just Put it back Bernie's not home.
I called the office, I called Nemo's.
Where is he? My God, I was only joking, dear.
I never would have said anything if I thought he was cheating.
- You call that a fight? - Fight? I thought those two guys were gonna skip out of the ring and go antiquing.
Want to catch a good fight? Wait till Debra sees our bedspread.
Good night, ladies.
Anybody need a ride? What's your hurry? Stay a while.
I made my speciaI dip.
Ma, we've eaten already.
But what about all this food that Debra made, that nobody touched? What are these? Sandwiches? Mrs.
Barone, I don't know what's in this dip, but if you weren't married Take her.
I'll throw in the dip.
Sorry, Debra, I have to go.
- Tell Bernie I said hi.
- Yeah, right.
Come on, guys, sit down.
Marie, I'm sure Ray's friends are not interested in Tupperware.
Actually, I could use some new ice trays.
My cubes smell.
Amy, what is this doing here? Did Ma see this? - Holy crap! It's a whole bag of nighties.
- No, Frank, that's - It's for a game.
Just - I'm in! You know, I should probably get going, too.
Please wait, there's still lots of free stuff here.
At least take catalogs.
This territory blows.
- Please, can't you stay? - Bye.
You know, these guys are leaving in just a God, this not what I wanted! Of course it isn't, dear.
Nobody wants to give a bad party.
Honey, that Tupperware stuff is pretty good.
I just did my whole back with that scrub brush.
That's for fruit.
You might want to rinse that.
- Still mad about the party? - No, I'm fine.
What's that you're writing there? Letter to your mother.
Why? Well, to start with, she ruined my party.
- You're writing that? - Yup.
But it's just for therapy, you're not gonna send I'm sending it.
No, stop and listen for a second.
If anybody ruined the party, it was the guys, and they were my fault.
So you should write me a letter! Ray, I can't keep blaming her for everything if I've never been honest with her and I have never actually told her how she makes me feeI when she does the things she does.
But you don't put that in writing! If it's in writing, then you can't deny it! You can't say things like: "You didn't hear me right," or, "I didn't say that.
You misunderstood" because there it is in writing! If it were up to you, you'd have me do nothing.
Let's not underestimate nothing.
I'm not spending the rest of my life this way with your mother saying she's sorry that you ever married me.
- What? She's never said that! - She doesn't have to say it to say it.
- Everything she does says it.
- Like what? Like when she rewashes the kids' clothes and then she rewashes the kids.
Look, all that stuff my mom does, that's how she helps.
No, Ray.
That's how she criticizes.
Only good can come from this letter, and I'm doing it.
No, don't do it.
- Don't! - Get off! - Stop it.
- I had to try.
You know what you could try, Ray? You could try supporting me.
All right, okay.
You're right.
I'm gonna support you.
Just because I can't confront my mother doesn't mean I should stop you from doing it.
Thank you, Ray.
I appreciate it.
I do.
You know what I need? - A hug? - More paper.
- Hi, there.
Want some waffles? - Yeah, sure, thanks.
You guys get your maiI yet? - No.
Why? - 'Cause I was just I was wondering, because we didn't get ours either and sometimes we might get something of yours and you might get something of ours.
What do you get of mine? - I don't know, just junk maiI.
- Like what? - Whatever.
Flyers and coupons.
- Where are they? - I threw them out.
- You threw out coupons? That's money! All I'm saying is that you might get some of my maiI.
- How much were the coupons for? - I don't know! Jeezaloo! Did you get the one for carpet cleaning? - I don't know.
- That's a $10 coupon! I was looking for that! Dad, I'll give you $20 if you stop talking about this.
- You think I won't take it.
I'll take it! - I'll give it to you.
It'll teach you a lesson.
- You're not taking his money.
- I'm gonna take it.
Because how else is he going to learn? He's gotta stop throwing out people's maiI! But that's not how you do it.
If you wanna teach him a lesson, you make him clean the carpet himself.
That he'll remember.
You want boysenberry, or maple syrup, dear? Maple.
- Waffles? - Yeah.
How many? Six.
- Is that the maiI? - I'll get it for you, Dad.
Hands off, sticky fingers.
Coupon! Here's one that made it through.
- Marie, do we need our chimney swept? - No.
Here, this is for your collection.
Marie, this is a letter for you.
- How nice.
- Ma, are we eating or reading? This is odd.
It's from Debra.
You know what that is? That's the invitation to the Tupperware party.
- But you already went and had a good time.
- No, that's not an invitation.
That's a letter.
It's an invitation.
It's got a lot of pages like this because it has directions to our house.
This is your mother's maiI.
What is wrong with you? Dear Marie.
"This letter has been a long time coming.
" It must be a thank-you note.
Oh, yeah? - Dad, give it to me.
- No.
What does it say? For eight years now, I've held my tongue and never told you howhurtfuI and destructive "your behavior can sometimes be.
" My God.
- I have to go.
- Sit down.
Ma, this is between you and Debra.
You should go over there and read that yourself, and let me out.
We have no secrets in this family.
Keep reading, Frank.
With pleasure.
Just because we are family, and happen also to be neighbors does not give you the right to constantly interfere in every aspect of my life "from raising my children to my choice of liquid fabric softener.
" I want you guys to know right now that Debra has a drinking problem.
Keep reading.
- Come on, Dad - Stop it.
I'm sure you don't even realize "when you're being overbearing, criticaI, and intrusive.
" Is this a petition? Where do I sign? - All right, I've heard enough.
- Mom.
"Dear Debra.
" Ma, not another letter, please.
I'm intrusive? Debra's not the only one who can throw around fancy words.
Where's my dictionary? Mom, stop.
She didn't mean it.
- Did you guys happen to get the - MaiI? Yeah.
- Ray, did everybody read that? - You're my favorite writer.
- Hello, Debra.
- Hello, Marie.
I got your speciaI delivery.
Marie, I'm sorry.
It was a mistake to send that letter.
Now? You say that now? I've got to tell you, your timing sucks.
I should have just talked to you face-to-face.
Go ahead.
I've dealt with my fair share of domestic disputes and everyone should know that this is a high-risk - Eat your waffles, Robbie.
- All right.
Look, Marie, I'm sorry that the letter upset you.
- When I wrote it, I was very angry - And drunk.
It's just that sometimes you're very hard to talk to and so I thought I could say it better in a letter.
I think you said it very clearly, Debra.
You think, among other things, that I'm intrusive, criticaI Overbearing.
I have always known that you felt that way about me.
You think I'm all those things? Maybe I wouldn't be that way if I was welcome in your house.
But, Marie, don't you see? You're over all the time.
You don't give me a chance to welcome you.
Maybe I am those things sometimes.
But that's just because that's my way of trying to make us a family.
That's all I ever want.
That is all I want, too is for us to be a family, a reaI family.
Well, I always thought that you didn't like my being in your family.
I thought you didn't like me being in your family.
Why would you say that? You know when you bring food over to the house? I do it because I care.
No, but see, I feeI like that's a criticism.
You know, like you're saying I'm not as good as you.
You don't have to be as good as me.
- I love you for what you are.
- I love you, too.
I'm so glad we talked.
Me, too.
You know what? The Tupperware's in, and it's over at the house.
- Want to come over and get yours? - I'd love to, honey.
The little scraper for potato dicing? I love it.
- You got to show me how to make those.
- I will, and I'll show you how to freeze them.
What in hell's bathroom was that? I think it was a fight.
That's a fight? You know, like a woman's fight.
I'm glad we didn't order that on pay-per-view.
- Robert, are you crying? - No.
See, Ray? That letter actually made your mother and I closer.
I told you not to send it.
You don't understand.
We had to have that blowout, to get past it.
Now that we did the letter, and it's behind us, we can move on.
What's Debra's letter doing in the garbage? - You read it already.
- You don't throw this away.
Not ever.
Not ever.

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