Everybody Loves Raymond s03e26 Episode Script

How They Met

- Hi.
- Hey, there, cummerbund.
What are you doing? What's for dinner? - Lemon chicken.
- Again? What did you make? Nothing.
Okay, you can have that and we'll have the lemon chicken.
- Hey, Daddy.
- Hey, pookie, Hi! - How was school? - Good.
Ally made a new friend.
Daniel? A boy? He's coming over on Sunday.
Coming over, yeah? Don't you think you should meet for coffee and see how that goes? Well, Ally, I'm looking forward to meeting your gentleman caller.
And I hope Daniel realizes that he's getting involved with a very special young lady.
Don't worry, honey.
Daddy won't be here when he comes over.
- Good.
- Wha You're gonna want me there when it's time to pay for the wedding, though, aren't you? Yeah.
Wow, did you do that yourself? They're coming! Ray, honey, could you help me here, please? I'm trying something.
Idiot! Come on, come on.
So, hey, Ally asked that boy to come over? That's a little forward, don't you think? Oh, please.
If women waited for men to ask, the entire species would die out.
What are you talking about? We wouldn't have gotten together if it wasn't for me.
You?! We got together in spite of you.
No, get outta here.
It was all me, okay? I came, I saw, I conquered, baby.
You know, as much as I would like to blame you, us getting together is my fault.
- Not the way I remember.
- That's exactly how it happened.
- No, no, no.
- Yes.
What? Don't you remember? Oh yeah, that would be awesome! No, no, we're gonna eat dinner afterwards, yeah.
Party all night, yeah.
Okay, I've got to shower, so I'll be like 20 minutes.
Okay, bye.
- Yes? - Hey, I've got your futon delivery.
Oh, I forgot that was today, uh okay, bring it in.
Don't drag it, dopey, the lady paid for it already.
Slow down, let me get a grip on it.
- Where is this going? - Um, somewhere in here.
You've got to tell me when you're dropping it.
Come on, you've been doing that all day.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Hey, how are you? - I'll go get the frame.
- Okay.
Delivered one of these to Cher yesterday.
Oh, yeah? Yeah, she wasn't there.
Her assistant was there.
I'm not really a futon guy.
I'm gonna be a writer.
Now that I think about it, when that other guy comes back can you put it over there? - Yeah, I can do that now.
- You can? Yeah, I don't need him.
Yeah, that would be great.
So where do you want it? Whoa, what did I are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
What you doing? I don't know.
I'm gonna be a journalist.
What are you doing? Pick it up, pick it up, I'm sorry.
Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- You sure? - Fine, don't worry about it.
- All right, I'm sorry.
Lucky I'm not delivering your refrigerator.
Okay, could you just excuse me for a minute? Yeah, we got it.
Go ahead, you go run for cover.
She's pretty, man.
Yeah, I can see why you'd want to smother her with the futon.
She's different.
She's like different kind of pretty.
You know, natural, walk-on-the-beach, have-a-wine-cooler kind of pretty.
Let's get the frame started then you can write her a poem.
She laughed at my joke.
Did you see that? She laughed.
You think she's got a boyfriend? I don't know.
Check out the pictures.
I don't see any guys.
There's no guys.
Hey, maybe she likes women.
Nah, if she was like that, she'd be putting this thing together herself.
Ask her out, big nose.
No, what? Her? Go out with me? No, no, no.
Yeah? Stranger things have happened.
I can't think of any.
Nah, I live with my parents.
Fine, then I'll ask her out.
No, no, you can't.
- Why not? - 'Cause, you're the futon guy.
You're the assistant futon guy.
I'm asking her out.
No, I'll do it.
She laughed at my joke, man, I'm gonna do it.
So I'll get the clipboard thing and then I can write that thing down.
- What? - Nothing.
My friend is all nervous 'cause he likes you or something.
- He wants to ask you out.
- Oh, really? - What? You've got a boyfriend? - No, it's just Hey, let me ask you something.
If we weren't here, you think you could put this thing together yourself? I got it.
I got the forms, okay.
Gianni, you almost done? Let me help you.
No, no, I got it.
You do what you've got to do.
- Hey, music! You like music? - Uh, yeah.
Yeah, me too.
Music is good.
- It's a nice apartment you got here.
- Oh, thanks.
It's a nice neighborhood.
A lot of nice places to eat around here.
- Yeah, I know.
- You know what's good? That Chinese place with the crazy grandmother who screams at you.
Oh yeah, China Star.
I love that place.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know what she's screaming? Yeah, "Habanida!" She's she's crazy.
She's saying "Have a nice day.
" Oh.
Oh! Maybe she's not crazy then.
- I love that place.
- Yeah, me too.
So You almost done, Gianni, or what? Are you? Maybe I'll see you there sometime.
- Where? - China Star.
Oh, yeah, if you're in there and I'm in there then yeah.
- You gotta sign sign on the bottom.
- Okay.
I'll probably be there for lunch tomorrow.
You talking about it made me really hungry for it.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
Actually, I just had Chinese today.
Oh my God! Sometimes when I go back two days in a row, I just I order something different, you know? Like shrimp.
So if I was to go back there and order the shrimp would you want to - go with me? - Yeah, sure.
- Yeah? Oh, great! - Yeah.
I told you I was gonna be a writer, right? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yeah, what a way with words.
- Let's go.
- All right, okay.
All right, so then what? Like 1:00 tomorrow? - Yeah, that'd be great.
- Okay, good.
All right, good, great, so then tomorrow, 1:00, right? - Oh, I'm Ray.
- I'm Debra.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Okay, so tomorrow then? - Yeah, great.
All right, good, great.
"Habanida!" Whoo-whoo-whoo! Am I the man or what? Yeah, you're the man.
You should have your genitals revoked.
I'm so pretty! I'm so pretty! I'm so pretty! Hey, beautiful, you forgot to give her the futon cover.
Oh, oh yeah.
Coming! What? Coming.
Oh! What do you want? What are you doing? - You said, "Come in.
" - I said, "Coming.
" It sounded like "Come in.
" What's up? - What are you doing? - I didn't want him to see.
Would you excuse me, please? Okay, I'm sorry.
I didn't see anything.
- Yes you did.
- I know, I'm sorry! Totally naked? Yup.
Totally naked? A beautiful woman totally naked facing you? Yes.
Another gift for Raymond.
I burst into places all the time.
I raid massage parlors.
You know who I get to see naked? Fat guys.
Fat hairy bald guys.
You get to go out with a naked girl.
I'm not going out with her.
You kidding? She thinks I'm a pervert.
And she's the one running around naked? In her own apartment.
No, I didn't turn away fast enough.
How fast did you turn? I don't know, like this oh! Where's the turn? Oh my God! I didn't turn.
I didn't even turn.
See? Forget it.
There's no way I can ever go out with her.
- Yes, you can.
- No.
The whole time she'll know that all I'm thinking about is her breasts.
Well, don't think about them.
Don't think about them, yeah.
Don't think about zebras.
Go! Wow! Yeah, see? What are you thinking about? A zebra with breasts.
That's it, that's why there's no way I can go out with her.
Listen, you have to.
You've achieved more before the first date than I usually do by the end of a relationship.
Forget it.
I already called.
I canceled.
I left a message on her machine.
Seems like a terrible waste of a naked girl.
Robby, your father's coming home soon.
Yeah? You're sitting in his chair.
You know how upset he gets if he sees your imprint in his chair.
He can kiss my imprint.
It's just that he's working so hard, that's all.
I can't wait till your father retires.
He's gonna be so much more pleasant then.
Well, hello there.
Hi, is this 319 Fowler? Why, yes it is.
May I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for Ray Barone.
Of course you are.
Come in.
Raymond! Girl.
There's a girl here for Raymond? What's going on? - Oh! Hi.
- Hi.
Who is this? Hi, I'm Debra Whelan.
Ray delivered a futon to me.
Oh! What? Oh, nothing.
Just thinking about zebras.
Wouldn't you like to introduce us to your friend, Raymond? Uh this is my Marie and Robert.
My roommates.
How what are you doing here? I went to the futon store and your friend told me I could find you here.
Is there some place that we could talk? Uh, yeah.
I guess so, yeah.
If I knew you were gonna have a visitor, I would have laid out a nicer pair of pants for you.
- So, hi.
- How come you canceled our lunch? - I didn't think - Is it because you saw me naked? Admit it, you don't want to go out with me because you saw me naked.
No, no, I mean yes.
Well, just so you know, I don't look like that.
- What?! - It was a bad angle, bad lighting, I hadn't showered yet.
That's not how I look.
What do you mean? You looked great.
Not that I looked.
Then how come you canceled? Because I was in over my head anyway.
I was thinking you'd think I'm just some futon guy.
- Then you'd throw pervert - You should've let me cancel.
That's the decent thing to do when you see someone naked.
The naked person gets to cancel.
I didn't know that.
All right, forget it.
By the way, there's something wrong with that stupid futon.
- The right leg is so loose.
- All right, you want me to fix it? Somebody better, 'cause I got the warranty.
Okay, all right, I'll fix it tomorrow.
And I'm the futon guy.
It was nice to meet you both.
So what time tomorrow then? I get home from work about 6:00.
That's no good, Raymond eats at 6:00.
- Ma, do you mind? 6:00 is good.
- Okay.
Okay, dear, lovely meeting you.
Yeah, bye, bye.
She's not the girl for you, Raymond.
Who is it? It's Ray from Claude's Futons.
Yeah, come in.
I said, "Come in.
" Okay, it really sounds like you're saying "Come in.
" Yeah, I did say "Come in.
" - Hi.
- Hi.
You're all dressed up.
Oh yeah, the other time those are my delivery clothes.
Yeah, this is what I wear when I fix stuff.
- All right.
- Okay.
Stupid dressed-up moron.
- What? - So it's the right leg that's loose? - Yeah, it's the right one.
- Okay.
I tell you, nothing really seems to be loose here.
It sure seemed loose to me.
You know what? I can't even tighten these anymore really.
Huh, I thought it was loose.
It looks like I've made too much food here, if you're hungry.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, you want some? All right, yeah.
Wrap it up, I'll eat it in the truck.
I mean you could eat it here if you want.
You can sit.
Sit sit here? - Yeah, that's great.
- All right.
- You need me to help with anything? - No, I got it.
- Can I ask you something? - Yeah sure.
Were you making all that food for someone and they didn't show up? They showed up.
Here you go.
So, the futon was never loose? Look, you know, I've been out with a lot of guys, like stockbrokers and athletes and rich, famous, good-looking guys So you're going the other way now? No, no, I'm not going any way.
You just seemed like a nice guy, that's all.
You are planning on being a journalist, right? Oh yeah, yeah.
It's not as much fun as knocking people over with futons, but Actually I'm gonna be a sportswriter.
- Oh really? - Yeah, you like sports? Well, I do PR for the Rangers.
- Really? - Yeah.
So you know like vanbiesbrouck and Larouche? Yeah, all those guys.
- Wow! - Yeah.
So your family seem nice.
Yeah, yeah, they seem nice.
I'm only living with them until - you know? - Yeah, sure.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I know.
Wow, this is great.
This is what is this? - Oh, it's lemon chicken.
- Oh, man.
- Wow! - Yeah? You really like it, huh? I could eat this the rest of my life.
- What? - Nobody has liked my cooking before.
Well, they're nuts.
Are you kidding? This is great.
- Can I have more? - Yeah, sure.
- Let me get it.
- No, I can get it.
- Want something to drink? - Yeah, let me get that.
- The glasses are right there.
- Okay.
- Ice? - Yeah that'd be great.
I like the round cubes with the holes in them.
Those are my favorite kind of cubes.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
You keep knocking me down.
I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
You're a good kisser.
All right, you're in shock.
I don't want you to think I'm like this, 'cause I'm not.
- Me neither.
- I mean if this goes anywhere, it's gonna be at least six months before you see me naked again.
It's okay, I just want some more of that chicken.
Here's some more chicken.
- How is it? - Great.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
It's still great.
You're still a good kisser.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode