Everybody Loves Raymond s05e03 Episode Script

The Wallpaper

Don't you miss Italy, Ray? Look, I took that right from Aunt Collete's balcony.
Man, look at that lake.
Next time we go, let's swim naked.
You know there's fish in there.
Okay, then just you.
I just loved it so much there.
Everybody got along so well.
I just wish we could hold onto that feeling of just enjoying every day.
How about we go upstairs and enjoy the rest of today? Okay.
You hear that? Hey.
This is your father's fault.
What are you talking about? I was saying stop.
I was stomping on the brakes, but nothing happened.
Oh my God.
Our house.
Look at our house.
I know.
I know.
Ma, what the hell? He knew about the brakes.
What did the mechanic say about the brakes? Tell them.
Ah! Oh! Look at this! The mechanic said that the brakes were bad.
Of course he's gonna say that.
Every time I bring the car in he says the brakes are bad.
Well, I think the brakes are bad, Frank.
Okay, fine.
I'll have the brakes checked when I get the taillight fixed.
The taillight?! Frank! Look at the house.
I saw it.
Look at this, this drywall, it's like paper.
Probably foreign-made.
On the other hand, say what you want about American cars Beats a house.
What? They drive into the house? Yeah.
- What happened? - Grandma and Grandpa stopped by.
- Robert, what do we do? - I'll fill out a report.
You should call your insurance companies.
Oh, here we go.
Why the hell did I let you drive? Because you can't see anymore.
I can see a house! - Oh my God.
- Look, don't worry, Deb.
I'm sure that Dad's car insurance will cover this.
I'm not sure it's current.
What? We never go anywhere.
I can't believe this! Do you guys have homeowners' insurance? Okay, our insurance, good.
Okay, where did I put that? Hopefully it's not over there.
Hey! Hey, dog! Get out of here, dog! - Go away! - Oh, look at him! Look at him! - Can we keep him? - No, sweetie, no.
We never get anything! Ally we can't keep a dog.
He'll just run away.
Okay, just, come on.
Get him out.
Go out the back.
You shouldn't them take the dog through the kitchen.
He'll make a mess in there.
Okay, good, looks like we're covered.
Oh, wonderful.
You'll just have to pay the deductible.
Stinkin' crooks.
All right, here's what you do.
You get your contractor to add an extra grand to the bill.
Then when your insurance company cuts you your check, I get it back.
All right, Dad, I don't want to hear this.
Hey, Dudley Do-Right, wake up! This is the way the world works.
It's built into the insurance system.
Oh, yeah? Well, it's also built into the criminal justice system.
Category: Fraud.
Nerd! - Nerd? - Nerd! Calling me a nerd? You drive into the house and now I'm a nerd? - Ray, do something.
- What? Tell your father we're doing this the right way.
Hey, me not having to pay anything is the right way.
Oh, holy crap! Look at this scratch! Okay, see, here's the thing: When a person drives their car into someone's home, I think that person should be sympathetic and apologetic and try to help the person whose home has been demolished try to make it better! Hey, I'm trying, but you won't listen.
I won't listen?! I must say, Debra, that tone doesn't help the situation.
My tone?! My tone! You just drove a car into my house! I told the kids to leave the back door open so you get that nice cross-ventilation going.
Okay, Ray, what are we gonna do? Will you talk to them? - You talk to them.
- What do I say? What do you say? Aren't you upset about this? Watch this, he's gonna take her side now.
Would you say something?! One thing I will say about your father is that he's very good with insurance matters.
I mean, over the years, we've had our share of incidents and we've always done very well.
It's true.
It is true.
I have seen some incredible things.
Frank, you're gonna pay for this, that's all there is to it.
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- No, Frank, you're paying the deductible.
That's how it's gonna be.
Oh, really? Why are you just standing there? What am I supposed to do? Oh, all right, thanks.
Frank, I want a check for $1,000 by tomorrow.
- Don't hold your breath.
- Frank I'm not kidding.
Fine! Fine! I'll pay the damn deductible! Apparently, all you people care about is money! I'll see you at home, Marie.
Wait, Frank, wait! I need to go to the supermarket! - Hey, crabby.
- Hey! - Come here, come here.
- What? The contractor finished.
Huh? Huh? What do you think? Yep, definitely better with a wall.
But I mean, don't you think they did a great job? - Yeah, it looks great.
- Yeah, your father's check didn't bounce.
See? It all worked out.
You didn't have to get so upset.
- I'm just happy it's finished.
- Yeah, me too.
You know why? 'Cause now that the wall is here, nobody can see me do this.
Wait a minute.
What's up with the stripes? No, they're okay.
They're okay.
No no, look, these these stripes, are they are they the same as these? These look like thinner stripes.
Yeah, I know, but it's close enough.
You can't even tell.
Hmm, yeah, okay.
No, I can tell.
I can tell.
I can tell.
Look at the old wall.
These these thin stripes, they're thicker.
It's not the same.
It's not the same wallpaper.
What's going on? Nothing, the painter told me that they don't make our wallpaper anymore.
And to reprint this one would have been really expensive.
Yeah, but this isn't the same.
But Ray, we would've had to pay more.
No, we wouldn't have.
My father would've had to pay more.
No, we can't blame this on your father.
I told the wallpaper guy that this was okay.
Well, why did you do that? Because I didn't want to deal with your parents anymore.
So my father gets away with it and you're okay with that.
Yeah, I'm okay with this.
I wasn't okay when they drove the car through the house, but you have to pick your battles.
- This wallpaper's incorrect.
- All right, look stand three feet back, you can hardly tell.
But maybe I don't want to stand three feet back.
Maybe I want to stand right here and look at my wallpaper.
You know? I mean, look, here's wallpaper, and here is different wallpaper! What world am I in?! God, Ray! Calm down.
I will not calm down.
We live in a funhouse here.
Cars are comin' in and wild dogs wandering around and crazy wallpaper! Why are you getting so upset about this now? - My father's paying for it! - No, Ray, Ray No! No! Don't you get it? Somebody has to go over there and tell him or they're gonna just keep backing into the house.
- We can get used to the wallpaper.
- No! No! They're gonna know I mean business 'cause business is what I mean! Are you insane? You're not going over there.
- You're gonna have a heart attack.
- I don't care! How come you didn't get this upset when they drove the car through the house? Why are you siding with them? I'm not siding with them! I'm worried about you.
Don't worry about me, sister-girl, 'cause my eyes are open - for the first time.
- You're not going.
- The hell I'm not! They have to know! - I'll go over there.
- No! - No, Ray, let me go! Okay, I'll handle them.
I'll handle them.
- I got the wall up, didn't I? - Yeah, look at it.
Hello, dear.
Hi, Raymond.
I missed you, Raymond.
I wanted to call, I wanted to come over, but you know your father's impossible.
I'm not here.
I just want to see the wall I bought.
Oh, good.
Good, 'cause we wanted to show it to you.
Oh, good, I'd like to see it too.
I can't believe the money these humps get to do this.
Go go go.
And that's actually funny, because it turns out that the new wallpaper doesn't exactly match.
So, it might cost more money to fix it.
Cost who more? Um, we were thinking you.
What are you talking about? I'm not going to pay anything.
The wallpaper's fine.
I want it the same! Do you hear me?! Exactly! Exactly the same! And I mean exactly the same! - You can only push a man so far! - It's not that big of a deal.
- Calm down.
- Traitor! You can never talk to me about my parents again, because in this case, you are the backer-downer! This wallpaper looks just like the other wallpaper.
But it's not, Mom.
It's not, okay? Here, come on, let's see.
Come over here and look.
See? Over here, thick, normal stripes.
Now look over here.
Thin, weird, disgusting stripes, okay? All right.
I'm not gonna live like this.
So, I think you and your husband should listen very carefully, all right? You are going to have to pay the difference.
You understand? Suck rope, pal.
That's it, get outta the house.
- Raymond! - Get out.
Get out.
Here, the both of you.
Take your damn cannolis with you.
- Oh, Raymond! - Out! Out! This is how you talk to a father? - And her? - Yeah.
Start walkin', all right? 'Cause I've had it.
Ray, they didn't even know about the wallpaper.
I don't care, all right? It's over.
Good day.
- Raymond - I said good day.
Let's go, Marie! One less funeral we gotta go to! Frank, we're older than them.
Fine! Then don't come to my funeral! I'm coming.
I'm coming.
I'll be the one doing this yeah.
- Go! Get out! - Stop this! - Why? - No! Hi.
Is this about me? Don't come to my funeral! But there are so few things I'm looking forward to.
All right, what's going on? Your brother's throwing us out.
- And you're really going? - Yep! Yeah, it's a new day.
Get out! - Stop, we're not doing this, - What are you talking about? - This is what you always wanted.
- I never wanted this.
This is terrible.
Everybody come on in.
Come on in and sit down.
- What are you doing? - I'm getting the car! No, Frank! Sit down.
Everybody sit down.
Marie, you too.
I'm not sure I want to sit down.
I'm not sure I'm welcome in this house.
- Oh, yeah, you're picking up on that? - All right, Ray! - Sit down! - No! What are you doing? - Sit! - I can't throw 'em out - if they're sitting.
- All right.
Sit down! Hey, the wall looks good.
No, it doesn't! Can't you see? - Look at the stripes, you idiot! - Ray, that's enough.
Okay, listen, this is really not about the wallpaper stripes.
- Yes, it is! - No, Ray - I don't have the right to be angry?! - Yes, honey, everybody has the right to be angry.
But, let's try something, okay? Maybe it would help us for now and in the future, for you to tell us in a calm and adult manner why you're really upset.
Once and for all, Ray, tell them why.
It's the wallpaper.
It's the wallpaper.
The stripes are too thin and they were just gonna let it go like it doesn't matter.
He doesn't like his wallpaper.
No no, the wallpaper was the last straw! Good! Good! See? There's the problem.
You just said last straw, which means there's been a lot of other straws.
A lot of straws.
There's a lot of straws.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, so but you've just been keeping it all bottled up inside.
Until just now when you went bananas about wallpaper.
Very unhealthy, cubby.
Right, right.
So, hey, you know what? Let's use this event as an opportunity for all of us to learn how to how to talk things out.
You know, so we don't let our feelings get bottled up inside to the point where they explode.
You're absolutely right.
Frank, you're driving everybody crazy.
- It's you too.
- What? What did I ever do? You're intrusive.
How am I intrusive? Well, for example, there was that time you drove a car through the wall.
One time.
Okay, so it's not always the car, but but it's always you.
You just you never stop.
You're always barging in here.
- I do not barge in.
- You do! - You do, you barge in here.
- Wait, let's try to use nice words.
You're always coming over.
- Sticking your - Nice! And staying a long time.
Well, why don't you just say something? I want to say something.
But sometimes, I get the feeling that you don't listen.
And then you do something like rear-end our couch.
And I want to say something then too, but I know that you're not gonna listen.
And Dad is not gonna wanna pay.
And I know Debra's gonna get mad at me because I didn't say anything.
But you have to know that I'm always this close to saying something.
This close.
And there it is.
So that's what happened today.
Wow, Ray.
That was really good.
Oh, honey, - I understand.
- Good.
Good, see? Now, this is progress.
Yes, and Raymond, dear, you just have to let us know when you want something, that's all.
Yeah, we're not mind-readers.
And that way you never have to shout at us.
Because that really is unpleasant.
- Sorry about the shouting.
- Okay.
That's right, pal.
No shouting.
- I got it.
- Good, okay, so good.
- What did we learn here today? - He shouldn't shout.
But also that we should learn to respect each other and be considerate of each other.
Right? - I guess so.
- Yes.
Oh, good.
Isn't this nice? You know, if I may, I have some issues that That's enough talk, Robby.
Have a cannoli, Raymond.
Hey, here's the Italy tape.
Is Stefania on here? - Hey, put it in.
- You know what? You're welcome to borrow that if you want to watch it at your house.
No, it'd be such fun to watch it all together.
Look, there's the gelato place.
I'm thirsty.
Hey, sweetie, - how about some iced tea? - That would be lovely.
Okay, I'll get it.
Ray, could I see you, please? They are clueless, absolutely clueless.
I I mean, I don't know what else to do! It's okay, we talked it out, it'll be fine.
They'll watch the tape and then they'll go.
Iced tea! So are you gonna get that for them? 'Cause I could use one too.

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