Everybody Loves Raymond s06e22 Episode Script

Mother's Day (1)

Come on, guys! No, no, no! Baths are fun! You love baths! There's water, you get to be naked Jump, Geoffrey, jump! Ally, the only reason I let you get older is so you could help me.
Get off the couch! Off the couch! I told you it might be a little crazy.
- Hi, dear.
- Hi, Marie.
I just brought Hilda and Artie over 'cause I wanted them to see the kids do their "knock, knock" joke.
We hear it's a hoot! Now's not the best time, I'm trying' to get 'em upstairs.
Michael, "Knock, knock" Honey, let Michael say "Knock, knock.
" Knock, knock! Knock, knock! No "knock, knock" jokes right now, We're going' upstairs.
" Debra, say "orange.
" Marie, please stop! We are not telling "knock, knock" jokes right now! We are going upstairs for our baths.
All right? Thank you.
Let's go.
Come on.
Hello, Raymond, dear.
I just dropped by to pick up my big spoon.
Are you finished with it? Me? I was the one that borrowed it, remember, Marie? If you're not done with it, Raymond, I could come back.
Ma, what's going' on? Nothing I'm making sauce, and I just wanted my big spoon.
Yeah? So ask Debra.
Um, l I'm finished with it, Marie, so Here.
Thank you, Raymond.
What's going on? How should I know? You two have a little rowdy-dow? No.
That last time I saw her was yesterday when she just dropped by with Hilda and Artie, and I was trying to get the kids upstairs.
- Yeah? - What? She wanted to hear the twins tell their "knock, knock" joke, and I told her it was a bad time and we went upstairs.
- Did they do the Goliath one? - No, l 'Cause that's a good one.
Knock, knock.
Say "Who's there?" What is with your family? Come on.
- Say "Who's there?" - Who's there? - Goliath.
- Goliath who? Goliath down.
You looketh tired.
You're wonderful.
That couldn't be why she's mad at me, because I told her it was a bad time? She couldn't be mad about that, could she? I think it's cute how you're still a little naive.
Oh, my God.
I mean, God, she's a lunatic! So why didn't you just let her hear the joke? It only takes like two seconds.
Here, let's do Goliath again.
Knock, knock That is not the point, okay? Things have to screech to a halt because Marie's gonna waltz over here with her friends to put on the "Grandma Show"? Yeah You know what? You should go over and apologize.
What? Are you kidding? You're taking her side? I'm not taking any side it's too small to have sides.
No, I let so much go with her, Ray.
I mean, I'm always letting things roll off my back.
The woman ruins my life, and I'm supposed to pretend everything is fine and dandy.
But your life isn't ruined, everything is fine and dandy.
I am not apologizing for this.
Your mother is acting like a child, giving me the silent treatment.
Do you realize how passive-aggressive that is? - But but - No, she doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't have to that's fine and dandy.
So you're just gonna pout and go, "She started it"? I think that's a little passive-aggressive.
- Oh, yeah? - Which I still prefer to aggressive-aggressive.
So - how are things? - Fine.
That's nice.
And how's Debra? Ma ha, okay, I see.
You lured me over with cake so you could pump me for information about Debra.
And feed you cake.
Feed me cake.
I was just wondering if Debra picked up on my little signal yesterday.
What, when you gave her the silent treatment? Oh, good.
You noticed it, too.
I was worried that I maybe was too subtle.
Yeah, that's your problem too subtle.
Eat your cake.
How did Debra react? - I don't know, Ma, I don't wanna - Just stay out of it, Ray.
I am, Dad.
Frank, you don't even know what we're talking about.
That's right, because I stay out of it.
The fact is that your wife happened to be rude.
She humiliated me, and what's worse, it was in front of my dear friends Hilda and Artie.
- You don't like Hilda and Artie.
- That's not the point.
I mean, Hilda had just been telling me about how close she is with her daughter-in-law, and that for Mother's Day this weekend they were going to a spa to have massages together, with steam baths and body lotions.
Hey, I'm eating here! And my own daughter-in-law can't tolerate me in her house for a "knock, knock" joke.
I find that cruel.
Look, Ma, Debra's sorry, okay? She is? Really? Y-yeah.
I mean, she just has a hard time saying it, that's all.
And aren't you the mature one? That's true.
I've always been mature.
She's as mature as the hills.
All I'm saying is, what if you were the one who went over and apologized? Let me finish.
What if you apologized, because you're the mature, reasonable, responsible, beautiful one? You're suggesting I apologize? Me? Yes.
Because you're beautiful.
Shame on you, Raymond.
Ma! Guess which word you lost me on? Is that last cookie mine or yours? I don't know.
You can have it.
'Cause I think it's mine.
Okay, fine.
Go ahead.
No, not "Go ahead" like you're giving it to me, because I think it really is mine.
You know what? I don't care, I'm getting it! Gimme that cookie! Come on, Debra! Debra, may I talk to you? Sure, Marie.
What happened the other day has really weighed on me and I did some serious thinking.
So, Debra I was wrong.
Please forgive me.
Oh, wow.
Marie, thank you.
But you don't have to apologize, I'm fine, really.
No, no, no, Debra, I want to.
First of all, I'm sorry I came over when I did.
I should know by now, by late afternoon you've lost complete control of the kids.
And then, I brought company, which must have embarrassed you, since obviously you hadn't tidied up.
So I understand why you felt the need to snap at me so.
For all that, I'm sorry.
All right? So She's talking to you again! Well, she can do whatever she wants, because I'm done talking to her.
This is what I get for trying to be nice.
Come on, guys.
You're supposed to be helping me make a nice Mommy's Day brunch to make Mommy nice again, all right? So come on, huh? Please! Let's not bust Daddy's hump.
I've been getting enough of that.
Hey, Mommy is here! Hey, happy Mother's Day! Hi, Mommy! You're supposed to be upstairs waiting for breakfast in bed What are you doing down here? I smelled something burning.
It's all under control, okay? So go back upstairs and get psyched for toast! Listen, Ray, I've been up there for two hours.
Can we just go out to breakfast, or Or lunch? Well, listen, if some people were talking to other people, we could be at other people's house right now having our annual very nice, not cranky, Mother's Day brunch.
I thought one of the requirements for a happy Mother's Day was a happy mother.
Listen, all l Toast is here! Hey, guys, who wants to give Mommy breakfast in bed? I do, I do! Okay, here ya go.
Come on, here ya go.
Take that.
Okay, let's go, come on, hurry up.
Everybody upstairs with Mommy! Ray Aren't they adorable? Look at them! Let's go, Mommy.
Enjoy your first course.
Hey, what what are you doing? Why aren't you with Mom? Evidently, it's simply not Mother's Day without Raymond.
She's been a miserable wretch all week long.
I mean, on top of the usual.
How's it going' over here? It's not good.
She's in a bad mood, too.
I'm just gonna run these over and drop them off for Mom.
Drop these off? You'll never get out of there! She's got your baby book out and she's humming lullabies.
She sent us over to get ya.
What she doesn't know is, we're never going back.
All right, well, keep it down.
She can sense happiness.
I don't like them not talking to each other, It makes me nervous.
It's like in Korea it was most scary when it was quiet.
I hate seeing them like this.
I can't take it anymore! You know what? The three of us should go to Florida.
Just what every mother wants to do on Mother's Day wash the butter out of her sheets.
What you are doing, Ma? Hello.
I was just flipping through your baby books recalling the agony of your delivery.
And I was wondering if I was going to get a visit from you on Mother's Day.
Yeah, l I'm taking care of a few things here, that's all.
Well, of course.
By all means, take your time.
You obviously have other priorities on Mother's Day.
Here ya go, Ma.
There are for you.
Hey, what are you talking about? Happy Mother's Day.
Oh! They're lovely! Thank you, dear.
Listen, Ray, l Korea.
Okay, well, I'm going back across the street.
Who's coming with me? Ow! I'll go with you, Ma.
Anyone else? She ain't my mother.
Go ahead, Ray.
- Raymond? - Look, I shouldn't have to choose, okay? This is not my fight! Can't you two just start talking already? Come on, it's Mother's Day! Can't one of you two mothers just say something? Dad, please, can you help me out here? What, are you kidding me? Maybe Debra will come around at some point, but we'll never get anything out of old Sitting Bull over there.
Debra, please, come on, all right? Just do it for me.
Great, great.
Ya see? Ya see? Here's the problem, okay? You think it's just her.
Well, I'm gonna say it We all know that if my wife wasn't so snippy all the time yes, I said snippy none of this would have happened! You'd be snippy too if this one was yammering at you all day long! You got nothing to complain about.
How do you know what I've been going' through over here? I actually have to live with her, so don't start with me, 'cause you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Let me ask you something, pal.
What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since before you were born! Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke! She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink! That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy! Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids? She didn't have to be so rude! Rude it the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman! Never! You were never a gentleman! You never gave Mom any respect! You're just as bad as Debra! That's a fine way to talk to your father! You don't like it? I don't talk to you at all! I don't talk to you at all! Hold it! Hold it! Sit down!!! I will sit down! Fine! Look what your fight is doing to the family! It's Mother's Day, and you're ruining it.
This day is supposed to be for appreciating each other, not shutting each other out.
We should not be wallowing in hate, we should be wallowing in a beautiful brunch of belgian waffles and berries.
And sausages of both link and patty! Now, I know when we're angry and hurt, we can only see the negative in the other person.
But you two people know deep down how you feel about each other, how you care about each other, and how much how much you love each other.
- I'm sorry, Ray.
- Me too, Dad.
Not you guys! Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, come on, how about it, Debra? Yeah, what do you say, Marie? Can we eat? Why is there butter on your sheets? Oh, my God.
Happy Mother's Day.
There was only one bigger bouquet in the store, but it was for dead people.
They're beautiful, Ray.
Thank you.
Listen, you deserve 'em.
I'm sorry about what I said about you, about you being snippy and all.
Oh, that's okay.
I'm sorry I was snippy to you.
Yeah? So what do you think? What do you say we end this, huh? Let's push speed dial #1 And just tell her happy Mother's Day from you.
No? What? No! Not "no," "yes!" You don't really wanna stay mad, do you? - I'm not mad at her anymore.
- Yeah, but but I'm just gonna live my life.
And you know what? I think my life is gonna be better from now on.
But it won't! How could it be? There's gonna be tension! I think what I've done is actually remove the source of the tension.
- You mean my mom? - I think so, yes.
O-oh-ooooh! Good night.
Knock, knock.
Who's there? Lvan.
Ivan who? I've an idea talk to my mother.

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