Everybody Loves Raymond s07e08 Episode Script

This has been so much fun.
I'm sorry we didn't do this sooner.
I can never get Neil to go anywhere.
I don't usually like people.
I hear you.
Especially new people.
There you go.
Ray would be happy living in the bathroom.
That's right.
Lauren, he's like me.
Then I feel sorry for her.
Uh-oh, here comes trouble.
Must have power cells! Having a good time there, Spencer? Must have power cells! Can we have a cannoli? You know what? I've got some special cookies with sprinkles in the kitchen for you guys.
Why don't you go get those? These are so good.
Your mother-in-law brings these over? Yes, she does.
From right across the street.
Oh, boy.
They're not that good.
So you've met her? Is that the lady who was watching me park before? Yeah, right next to the guy who was hitting the lawn mower with a shovel.
Beep! Enemy targets identified.
Beep! Ha ha ha.
We're under attack.
Hey, guys, you know where there's a lot of other enemies? Out in the backyard.
Negative.
Seriously, guys, why don't you go outside, you know? See if you can do something.
Agh! What the heck? Target destroyed! - You okay there, Ray? - Yeah.
I think I'm all right.
My target's not completely destroyed.
It wasn't in that great a shape to begin with.
I'm kidding.
Ha ha ha, yeah yeah.
Any more cannolis? I think there's one left in the fridge.
Oh, yes! Oh you want it? Oh, no.
Thank you.
I knew I liked you.
Oh, wait.
Hold on, Spencer.
I think the cannolis are for the grownups.
The cookies are for you guys.
I hate cookies.
No, they're all sprinkly and sugary, you know, and, you see, that's mine.
I'm the guest.
Ew! Gross! Robots, mobilize! Watch.
His mother will fake a sprained ankle and we'll have 'em all winter.
I still win.
It's always winter.
Hey, oh, I thought you were having a cannoli.
You don't see a cannoli, so obviously I didn't.
This has been great, but we really should get going.
Robot Commander, we're blasting off! When our remodel is done, you guys are coming over.
The kids'll wanna get together before then, so why don't you come over next weekend? Oh, we don't want to impose.
I mean, you've got Ray's parents No, but this is different.
You're invited.
Okay.
Come here, Spencer.
Can you say goodbye to Ray and Debra? Goodbye to Ray and Debra.
Ha ha ha! Goodbye to Spencer.
We'll see you guys later.
- Bye-bye.
- Thanks.
Take care.
Oh, wow.
They are great, huh? You know what? They were here for four hours.
That just flew by.
Yeah.
- What? - No.
Nothing.
It's just felt like four hours.
What do you mean? Not crazy about the boy.
What? Spencer? Oh, come on, he's a great kid.
Great? Yeah.
When I said I think they're great, I was including him.
It's not automatic.
Just 'cause you like the parents doesn't mean you have to like the kid.
What are you talking about? Spencer's cute.
Cute! Cute? So I guess the word means nothing now.
He never stopped with his voice.
Oh, are we criticizing someone else's voice, Ray? Ho-hody-ho-ho.
I'm telling you, that kid, he's a pain.
He is not! The boys loved him.
He steals.
What?! My cannoli.
He stole my cannoli.
You know, I feel bad for you.
I really do.
Why can't you focus on the wonderful afternoon we just had instead of finding the microscopic negative? Oh, I need a microscope to find Robot Commander! I specifically said, "Spencer, the cannolis are for the grownups.
I think the cookies are for you.
" And you know what that little weasel says? "I'm the guest!" "Weasel"? Look, he was our guest.
If he wanted a cannoli, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with that? He took one bite of it and he threw the whole thing out.
Look at him in there.
Ray.
Look at him! That kid is no damn good.
All this because you didn't get a third cannoli.
No.
No, how about the space gun on my chair? That could have been an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
Ray, come on, he wouldn't do that on purpose.
He was just playing.
He was not playing, okay? I'm a good judge of character.
That kid, he knew exactly what he was doing.
He's eight.
That's 40 in weasel years.
Just stop it.
Are you going to let this little thing ruin a great friendship? What friendship? We just met these people.
You liked them immediately.
You wanted to play golf with him.
Yeah, I'll golf with him.
If the kid's gonna caddy, I'm out! You know what? You have a problem.
You don't want me to make friends.
Don't get all crazy, all right? Listen, I want to make friends.
Why can't I have friends? I'm your friend! This is the argument? Look, I'm telling you, I just don't like that kid.
I don't make you spend time with people you don't like.
Oh no? What? Oh, my parents? Yes, your parents.
They take up all the time we would normally spend with friends.
In fact, they're friend-repellent.
You want to be friends with Lauren and Neil, fine.
We can spend as much time as you want with them, just not with the kids.
You don't like kids.
Wha-wha- What are you saying?! Name one kid that you like.
Bernie and Linda's kid David.
- Benjamin.
- Whatever! That is a great kid.
We never see him.
That's right.
He gives us a chance to miss him.
And in a couple of years, I'll look forward to seeing him again.
Okay, you listen to me.
The Williamsons are perfect family friends.
We like them, and they have a kid that our kids love, and we should be able to get together with them as a group.
Okay.
Okay.
Good.
Thank you.
But I won't be there.
Okay.
Fine.
Then you can tell the Williamsons that you're not spending time with them because you have a problem with their child.
I won't have to tell them because I won't be there.
Okay, then, I'll tell them.
- Fine with me.
- Yeah, I will.
And it'll ruin the friendship.
- Also fine.
- No! You are doing this for me! How often do I ask you to do something for me? Every day! Every day I have to say no.
Let's stop the charade! Raymond we are going to be friends with these people, and you are going to make it work because you are a grown man, and I believe that you can do this.
I believe that you can get along with an eight-year-old child.
I really do.
He hurt my heinie.
Raymond's skin is nice now, but when he was younger, he had blemishes.
Okay, Ma.
Remember when you came home from school crying because they called you "Pimply Pete"? Pimply Pete! Shut up! You grew out of it, just like Robbie and his nighttime accidents.
Ma! Come on! Stop! Dad, they're bothering me! All right, guys, let's leave her alone.
But we must feed or we will die! Oh, they're hungry? I got chicken cacciatore across the street.
No, Ma, they're just having fun playing.
Ally, go play on Daddy's computer.
Yeah, guys, why don't you take Spencer and play in your room? Let's go jump on your beds.
Whoa! Hold on there, buddy.
Let's not jump on the beds, okay? But we have to.
We're flying spiders.
Well, hold on.
Wait a second, big guy.
I mean, spiders don't fly.
Actually, they do.
Actually they crawl around, and they spin webs, right? They also use their webs to float on air currents.
Air currents! He's very bright.
Thank you.
He loves to debate like this.
I mean, maybe they use their webs to swing around, like Spider-Man! Spider-Man, he shoots webs out of his wrists, and he goes swinging around.
That's a movie.
He got you there, Einstein.
No, he doesn't, Dad.
I'm just saying if he could fly, he'd be Superman.
Where are you going with this? Just listen.
But he can't, so he's Spider-Man.
So he doesn't fly, he doesn't jump on the beds.
So go have fun.
Precious! - Thank you.
- Thank you.
Okay, I'll be right back.
Did you see the look that he gave me? What are you doing? Looking for an aspirin.
That little Spencer's giving me a headache.
He's got some voice.
We could play a tape of that outside hostage standoffs.
Thank you very much.
Debra thinks I'm a jerk just 'cause I can't stand him.
Who can't we stand? Your mother? No, we're talking about that Spencer.
Kid's weird.
I know.
Isn't he annoying? He's annoying.
Sure.
He's a kid.
All kids are annoying.
You two were horrible.
No, we weren't.
Oh yes, very much so.
You'd go around talking funny, playing your stupid crap.
It bugged the hell out of me.
Look, this kid's in a class by himself.
I was nothing like him.
Well, he's definitely smarter than you were.
Even now it's pretty close.
Hey, you stink.
You stink.
No, according to your refrigerator, you stink.
It's that- that damned Spencer! Oh, so now I stink? He comes into my house, he writes I stink with my alphabet magnets! You don't know for sure it was Spencer.
- Was it you? - No.
You? If I did it, it wouldn't say "stinks.
" Yeah, well, then it was Spencer.
It could be the twins.
No, they would write "Daddy stinks.
" Come on, you two.
I've got chicken for you.
Raymond, I think your friends are delightful.
Yeah, they're great.
What's the matter? Raymond stinks.
Don't say that.
He just smells natural.
Jeezaloo! What the hell is that? That's Spencer! He's got the kids jumping on the beds! That's it.
I'm going up there.
Come on, let's eat.
You go ahead.
I want to take a crack at this.
Spider power! Hey hey! Ho, guys, no jumping, huh? No jumping on the beds, okay? Come on, Spence, buddy, no jumping.
My name's not "Spence Buddy.
" Okay, listen, Spencer, I'm serious, okay? No more jumping.
Listen.
Listen, Spencer, you- Ray stinks! Oh no, you- Ow! Oh! Boys, boys, let's not run in the house! Hey, I'm having fun! Ray, what are you doing? I'll be right back! Okay, wait.
Wait a second.
No, listen.
Okay, Spencer, I really need to talk to you right now.
Evasive action! Beep! Beep! Enough! Enough of the robot stuff.
I'm not fooling around.
You have to stop this.
Come on, stop it.
Now! Okay, Spencer, I don't know exactly what's happening, but I think you're having a little trouble listening, right? System failure.
What are you doing? Okay, nobody likes this.
Come on.
Wake up.
Everything okay? Yeah yeah.
Totally, yeah.
He's just doing that thing he does, that funny funny robot thing.
This looks like a system failure.
Pal, did something happen? He yelled at me.
Ray! Oh no no no no.
Not at all.
That wasn't yelling, Spence, buddy.
Spencer.
I didn't want your system to fail, just wanted you to stop running so I could talk.
Yeah, no big deal, no big deal.
Just, you know, about listening to adults and not saying they stink and also writing it on the refrigerator.
- No big deal.
- Did you write - on Ray and Debra's refrigerator? - No.
Actually, yeah, with magnets.
Yeah, he spelled out "Ray stinks.
" No big deal.
Spence.
We were all doing it.
Good.
I'm glad you told me, because I'm definitely gonna have a word with Michael and Geoffrey later.
- Thanks.
- I think they were just fooling around.
Why don't you and the boys go play? Okay.
He gets so involved in his games.
Yeah, he's great, yeah.
The flipside to him being so bright and energetic is that he's also very sensitive.
And he responds much better to rational discussion than yelling.
Yeah, Ray.
Oh no no.
I didn't yell.
I was doing a singsong thing.
# Spencer, stop running! # you know? That's what he heard.
Still, you're this big intimidating adult.
It was probably a little bit scary for him.
It's all right.
Most people don't realize they have to adjust their approach with this kind of child.
- Yeah, okay- - But it's a little bit weird when you're dealing with other people's children.
They're used to a different parenting style.
You're so right, Debra.
We're all so used to our own.
Because your kids are more conventional, you're used to doing things differently.
What do you mean? Oh no no.
You know what I mean.
They're terrific.
That's good, 'cause the "conventional"- No no no, that's not it at all.
That was a poor choice of words.
We think your kids are wonderful.
Wonderful! Really, Debra, your boys are adorable.
And I'm sure in terms of their development, they're absolutely where they should be.
Yeah, I see.
In terms of their development.
See, we're just used to Spencer, who's been identified as gifted, although we don't like to use that word.
Some people could take it the wrong way.
Yeah, I can see that.
It's just that Spencer is Special? Right.
Wait-wait- what? No, nothing.
He's special.
Yeah, Spencer is unique.
Ha-hoo! And your kids are marvelous.
Well, I should help clean up in there - because we've got to get going.
- Already? Spencer, let's get moving, pal! That's a gifted boy.
Come on, honey.
Let's say goodbye.
Can you help me? Come on, bud, let's go! I'm invisible now! Invisible! Spencer, we can see you! Bunch of freaks.
I've got him! I've got him! Spencer, stop kicking! No! I hate you! Take care! Aw, that's too bad.
The kids really liked him.
What are we gonna tell them? We'll just explain to them that a wicked witch baked him in a pie.
Frank!