Everybody Loves Raymond s07e17 Episode Script

Meeting the Parents

Robert, honey, please hurry.
Frank and Marie are gonna be here soon.
- Hi.
- Oh Oh, Mom and Dad! What are you doing here? Hello, Amy.
Hi, honey.
How are you? I'm fine.
I just- I wasn't expecting you.
Amy, is this the biggest towel you got? Because I- Oh! I was just going swimming.
What is Robert doing here? That's Grandma Trudy's afghan.
We're expecting Robert's parents over for brunch.
A casual brunch.
Amy, could we talk with you? What is it? Your brother told us you're going ahead with the wedding despite our objections.
You can imagine how that makes us feel.
All right, listen, I can't do this right now.
But if you'd like to join us, you're more than welcome.
How about some coffee? Ow! Amy, are you all right? What's the matter? I really burned myself here.
Come over here.
Come on over, sit down.
I know what to do.
I'll get some butter.
Actually, cold water is the first best treatment.
Huh? Okay? Feel better? Yeah, a little.
No no no.
Not yet.
Okay? Oh, water is better than butter.
Hello! Hail, Caesar.
Hey, Barones.
Guess who stopped by as sort of a great surprise.
My parents! Amy's parents? Oh, ho ho.
Amy's parents.
Hello! I'm Robbie's mother Marie, and this is my husband Frank.
I'm Hank MacDougall, and this is my wife Pat.
It's nice to meet you.
Oh us, too.
We couldn't be happier that these two are getting married.
Robbie, put on some clothes.
You're making everybody sick.
Excuse me.
Oh, please, sit down.
Come on, sit down.
Make yourself comfortable.
Oh, Amy dear, you can remove all of your food, 'cause I've made some things.
So, uh you're from Pennsylvania, huh? Yes, we are.
Well, it just goes to show you, everybody's from somewhere.
Oh, it's so wonderful that you can join us for brunch.
Homemade blueberry muffins.
Oh, it's nice of you to offer, Marie, but actually, we already ate breakfast.
This is brunch.
Actually, I don't eat muffins.
I'm sorry? It's nothing personal.
He's never had one.
You've never had a blueberry muffin? I've never had any kind of muffin.
In your life? It's just never appealed to me.
I'll take his muffin.
Oh no.
It's not polite to eat if other people aren't.
Didn't ya hear? He's never gonna eat.
All right.
Can we at least put on the television? What do you say, Hank, you wanna flip on the tube? We're not much for TV.
Especially on a Sunday.
What else is there to do on a Sunday? We kind of like to keep that mostly for church and family.
Oh, how great.
By the way, young lady, did you even go to church this morning? Uh we went to church last week.
This Sunday, all family.
Give me a muffin.
No no no.
Behave yourself.
Ha! Oh, Frank, put that back! Put that back.
Frank! Put the muffin back! It's just a muffin.
What are you doing? What are your parents yelling about? Listen, let's just go home.
What? Go home? Yeah.
I realized the kids are at the birthday party, and we could spend some time alone.
Ray, come on, we already had sex this week.
Wait wait wait wait.
First of all, that was nine days ago, all right? Okay, listen, Amy's parents are in there.
Amy's parents? Really? Oh, I've never met them.
They must've changed their minds about Robert, and now they wanna meet your whole- oh my God, I have to help Amy.
No no no no no.
You're gonna say stuff and get all involved.
Let's just go to the mall, and you can buy stuff, and I'll walk behind you and call you "pretty.
" Your mother is in there, and you're worried about me getting involved? Give it back! No, mine! Get your hand out of my pants! How's everybody doing? We're fine.
Dad stuffed a muffin in his pocket.
Oh, fine, keep it.
It's fine with me.
Hey! Hey hey Enjoy your crumbs.
Well, hi.
I'm Debra, Ray's wife.
Nice to meet you.
Well, it's nice to meet you, too.
So I see you're getting to know everyone.
Yes, and, Amy, please keep that in mind when we talk later.
Excuse me.
Wait, please.
Can I say something? No.
No say.
and Mrs.
MacDougall, I know how awkward it can be to come in and meet new people, especially when the new people are so different.
But I have to say, I felt the same way.
But after a while, I grew to love all the Barones like my own family, so just give it some time.
Debra, I think you're right.
Our families are different.
That's true.
I'm not sure our values are quite the same as your values.
It's not your fault.
We're just not the type of people who would ever be with you.
It's going good.
Now I would like to say something.
Ma, sit down.
I most certainly will not.
Now, I've heard what you had to say, and forgive me, but I take umbrage.
I take severe umbrage.
Me, too! Umbrage! You don't even know what umbrage means.
Shut up! Oh my.
Mom, Dad, maybe you should just go.
Amy, I don't appreciate your tone.
I don't appreciate you coming here to talk me out of marrying the man I love.
All right, look, it's okay, Amy.
It's my parents.
They're screwing everything up.
It's what they do.
What do we do? What do you do? - What do you do? - Yeah.
You were smashing Dad's pants muffin! Robert, they're fine! It's my parents.
They stand there and pass judgment and try to make everyone ashamed of themselves.
Amy, please, I think you're getting a little wound up.
I agree, sweetie.
This could possibly be because you missed church today.
Mother, I did not miss church today.
I chose not to go.
Oh You know why? Because Robert and I wanted to sleep in.
Don't say "oh" yet.
He sleeps over many nights.
And you know what? I've decided that it's not a sin.
Now can I say "oh"? Ahem.
May I say that when I come over, I never sleep.
No no no.
I'm always sleeping is what I am.
I'm out.
Why won't you tell them that I sleep over? What, you're taking their side? I'm not taking anybody's side.
I'm saying you should relax! Don't tell me to relax! You relax! Mama, what's taking so long? I've been sitting in the van.
So what's the story? Are we bringing Amy back to Pennsylvania, or what? Amy Hey, Ray.
What's up, man? So what happened? Oh, Peter, it's awful.
Your sister's been raising her voice and using salty language.
Well, this is what happens.
You move to the city, you fall in with the wrong crowd.
You hear that, Frank? We're the wrong crowd.
At least we're not liars.
Excuse me? Everybody's had a muffin.
You're full of crap.
That's it.
Let's go, Mother.
But what about Amy? We'll come back and talk some sense into her once they're gone.
Come along.
Listen, I know that things have not been perfect so far.
Seriously, Debra, punch out for the day.
But the bottom line is, we're all adults here.
We should be able to work out any differences that we have.
I think Hank and I really need to pray on all of that.
Well, you know what? Why don't we pray together? What? This is a value that we all actually share, right? We could pray together to work out our differences here and now.
Oh, God.
Ray What? "Oh, God.
" I'm kicking things off.
It's a nice thought, Debra, but I'm not sure this is the environment- See, Marie? I bet all this stuff about church is a load of crap, too.
Probably spends all day Sunday watching TV in a muffin shop.
You know what, Debra? I will pray for you.
Oh no.
You don't pray for me, pal.
I pray for you.
All right, Dad, just take it easy.
This guy wants to go, let's go.
Get up, Frank.
Ray, get down here.
I'm good up here.
Better reception.
- Ow.
- Get- Mr.
and Mrs.
MacDougall, would you like to begin? Very well.
Dear Lord, we ask You, in this time of turmoil, to provide us with wisdom and compassion, that we might act in accordance with Your will.
- Amen.
- Amen.
I can beat that.
Frank, we're not competing.
This is hardly worshipful.
Oh, yeah? Who made you the prayer sheriff? I am not the prayer sheriff.
But I will not let you use our Lord to continue your own personal arguments.
It's-it's sacrilege.
You're right.
And let's put an end to all this.
Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me! Fine.
Then you stay the heck away from us, too.
You can say "heck" all you want.
He knows you mean "hell.
" Whether I say it or not, I believe that is where you're going! How about I take you with me? All right, all right! This is just beautiful, isn't it? What did I tell you, huh? Don't get involved! And you gotta come talking and talking and get people praying.
Well, nice job, 'cause now we got ourselves a holy war.
I'm outta here.
Raymond, wait.
I gotta talk to you, man.
What? Whoo.
Was quite a mess in there, huh? I know how it feels.
I hate that kind of tension.
I mean, those people- they shouldn't be in the same room together.
That's right.
You know what I'm saying.
This wedding mustn't happen.
Wait a minute.
Why are you so against this wedding? Listen, man.
First, Amy went to college.
Then she got a job in the city.
Then she met your brother.
And now she wants to get married.
I'm starting to think she doesn't wanna live at home.
But that's what people do.
Oh, yeah? Well, what am I supposed to do? It's just me and my parents, man.
I can't take it.
I hear ya.
Okay, so we're simpatico, all right? So that's why you and me are gonna break up this wedding.
Wait a minute.
Look, I think you got the wrong idea there, Peter, okay? I'm not for breaking up Robert and Amy's wedding.
I thought we were friends.
Yeah, but friends can disagree.
No, they can't.
But you just disagreed with me right there.
Oh, aha.
Oh, you are crafty.
Ah, how I misjudged you.
All right, come on, Peter.
No no.
Let me tell you something, Mr.
I don't need your help breaking up this wedding.
Your weirdo family's done most of that work for me.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a job to finish.
Amy, please come home.
We'll make peanut brittle.
Here, Mama, let me try.
Hey, sissy, it's Petey.
Why don't you come on out, and we'll have a little talk, just you and me in the van? No.
Amy, don't.
Don't come out.
Ray, what are you doing? I'm getting involved.
See how you like it.
Stay in there, Amy! This isn't helping me.
You should go in there with her, Robert.
You both need to get away from us.
Far away from all of us.
Ray, this is not working it out.
It's not for us to work out! We're the ones ruining everything! We did this to you! The families! Trust me, no good can come from families! Forget everything a family tells you! Except for this right now.
This part is right! You two love each other! Okay? - Sorry.
- Me too.
Come on, Robert.
We're going out for breakfast.
No good can come from family? Her family.
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