Everybody Loves Raymond s09e10 Episode Script


- Hey, Pistol Pete.
- Hey.
l'm wearing the birthday necklace you gave me.
l've been getting compliments all week.
See? Once in a while l can fancypants it.
- You seen my ''Sports lllustrated''? - Nope.
Are you sure? 'Cause l left it here a couple days ago.
l don't know, but we have to eat, and there's always piles of everything everywhere.
You threw it out, didn't you? l'm just saying if it was there for days and it didn't get put away, then yeah, there's a chance it got thrown out.
Okay, look, here's the rule: Don't touch my stuf.
No no.
Here's the rule: Put your stuf away.
You-- you just-- you love throwing my stuf out.
You'd be happy if the mailman delivered my magazine right into the garbage.
You got me there.
Look, come on.
This is my house too.
lf l put something there, l should be able to get to it when l get to it.
You know l'm a slow reader.
Look, there's a very simple solution to this-- put your stuf away.
Don't touch my stuf.
Put it away.
Don't touch it.
- Put it-- - Don't! l will not touch it if you put it away.
l will put it away when you're done not touching it.
That's right.
l'm going to the bathroom.
Or did you throw that out too? Hey, just the man l was looking for.
Where were you? We got tee time in 30 minutes.
Relax your undies.
l want to show you something before we go.
Whaddaya got, the rash that looks like a bunny again? Actually, yes.
But l thought you might rather look at this.
- What? - Remember when you wrote that article about how Muhammad Ali was your first sports hero? - Yeah.
- Might want to read that.
''Dear Ray, your brother sent me your excellent article.
l enjoyed it very much, even though nothing rhymed.
Keep dancing, Muhammad Ali.
'' All right, come on.
We're late for golf.
Wait wait.
What-- What is this? Muhammad Ali-- How did you get this? Okay.
Listen my partner and l, we went on this call, right? And there was this nutjob lady who was bothering Ali.
She thinks she's Joe Frazier and Ali is trying to, you know, duck her.
Anyway, she's now the heavyweight champ of Bellevue.
So l end up talking to Ali's manager, and l sent him your article, and he sent this back.
My God, Robert.
You're welcome.
l'm gonna frame this.
l'm gonna redesign the house around this.
l'm glad you like it.
Come on.
Gianni and Andy are waiting for us.
lt's time for me to beat you at golf.
You know what? Today l'm gonna let you.
Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.
All right, good.
Let's go.
Oh, and uh, thanks, man.
You're a good brother.
Great brother.
The greatest of all time.
No no no, Amy, listen, listen.
lf you want to get a facial with the nails, l have this great place.
Yes, l have a card for it here somewhere.
Hold on.
'Cause the last thing you want is a bad facial.
l mean, it's your face, for God's sake.
No, it's just this drawer is always messy.
There's just so much junk in this house.
Here it is.
l got it.
All right.
The name of the place is ''Put on a Happy Face.
'' Now-- now-- Yeah.
These people are so great.
You're just gonna love them.
And you know what? While you're there, why don't you get a pedicure? Absolutely.
Yes yes yes yes.
You just like make it a spa day, yeah.
Can you hang on one second? l hear the garbage truck.
l just want to catch it.
Hold on.
Excuse me.
Okay, thank you.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, l just barely caught him.
The trashman let me throw it on the garbage truck myself.
No, he does not have a crush on me.
He only loves me for my garbage.
Hey, guys.
How was golf? - lt was great.
- Yeah, great.
''Muhammad Ali sent me a letter.
l love Muhammad Ali and Muhammad Ali loves me.
'' l thought the Ali talk was inspiring.
lt made me want to knock Ray out.
When did Muhammad Ali send you a letter? Today.
Robert sent him the article l wrote, and Ali liked it so much that he sent me a letter and-- hey, wait wait wait-- what-- - What's the matter? - Nothing.
- l put it right in here.
- You put the letter in there? Yeah.
l mean, did somebody go in here? 'Cause it was resting right on the top.
You put the letter in there? Yes.
l put it in here.
l remember putting it right in here.
l mean-- l mean-- what the hell? There is no letter, is there, Ray? Yes.
There is.
l put it right here.
You know what might have happened to your Muhammad Ali letter? Mickey Mantle came and took it and got away on Secretariat.
Shut up.
Did you see it? Me? l have not been in that drawer all week.
- Are you sure? - Yes, l'm sure.
What do you think, l threw your letter out? Just say it.
You think l threw your letter out.
'Cause that's the kind of thing l do, 'cause l'm such a terrible person.
l'm always throwing all your stuf out.
That's what you think of me.
Uh-oh, Ray.
Looks like Olga Korbut came in and drank all your ginger ale.
Shut up.
Come on, get out.
We'll be at Marco's.
Yeah, call us when you find your imaginary letter.
l don't get it, l don't get it.
What did l do? l mean, l put it here.
l mean-- what the hell did l do?! l-is it back in there? Michael.
Come down here.
- They're at school, Ray.
- Oh, right.
What the hell?! You know, l'm-- l'm sure it's gonna show up.
What the hell? What the hell? Hello, dear.
How are you? - l don't know.
- What's wrong? Ray is gonna kill me.
Oh, dear.
l told you-- you know, salt is just a seasoning.
lt can't be the main ingredient.
No no no, Marie, it's not that.
Ray got this letter from Muhammad Ali-- l heard.
You know that Robert's responsible for the correspondence? Yes, l know.
He was so excited to do that for his little brother.
He hasn't talked about anything else.
lsn't that sweet? You know, Raymond's loved that Muhammad Ali ever since l can remember.
- l threw it out.
- What?! l threw the letter out.
Oh my God, why would you do such a thing? l was straightening up.
No, really-- why? l don't know, l don't know-- it was like l was looking for this coupon and the drawer was full of junk and l was distracted on the phone, so l emptied it and l stomped on it and l threw it on the garbage truck myself.
Oh, dear.
What was the coupon for? A facial.
Vanit, vanit, vanit.
lt wasn't for me.
- You know, Robert's gonna be upset too.
- l know.
Ma, l'm looking for Robert.
Where's Robert? Robert! l'm looking for this-- this letter.
lt was in a white envelope-- - Ray.
- What? - There's something l gotta tell you.
- What? l threw out your Muhammad Ali letter.
- What?! - Marie! l know, Raymond.
l am sorry.
l didn't realize what l was doing until Debra said to me that it was in the drawer and l-- And you threw it out?! l gotta get to the trash.
The truck came already.
Oh-hh! Muhammad! Muhammad! l know.
l'm sorry.
l mean, there was so much stuf in the drawer and l was just trying to clean up.
And l know l shouldn't be doing that.
Right, Debra? Yes.
How many times have l told you we can clean our house ourselves? l know, l don't listen.
l guess you don't.
Do you have any idea what you've done? Oh, l apologize, Raymond.
lt breaks my heart to hurt you.
And if there's anything-- if there's anything l can Oh, no.
No, you don't.
You don't cry.
l cry.
You come uninvited into my house and you go into a private drawer and you throw out the best thing that's happened to me in years.
Oh lt's at the dump, Ma.
lt's at the dump! There we go.
What-- l don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything, dear.
Thank you.
lt was nothing.
Who knows? Someday l may ask you for a favor.
Of course.
Of course, l will do anything.
We have an understanding.
Let's have some cake.
- Good morning.
- Hey, Marie.
How are things, dear? Well, better.
lt's been a week, so Ray's not yelling at you in his sleep anymore.
That's nice.
Listen, l'm sure you've noticed over the years that Frank dresses like a derelict.
Well, l have finally figured out how to remedy that situation.
Marie! There he is.
Now, remember l said someday l might ask you for a favor? - Marie! - That day has come.
Where the hell are all my clothes? Debra took them.
Why would you take my clothes? l'm really very upset with you, Debra.
l'm sorry, Frank.
Where the hell are they? Well, Debra said she was gonna have them cleaned.
Why don't you tell him how you were over at our house and the boy came to the door? A boy came to the door.
And he said he was with a new dry-cleaners and that he was trying to make some money for college and Debra decided to help him out.
He was going door to door? That doesn't make any sense.
lt sounds a little fishy to me, Debra.
l know, but it's true.
And you gave him my clothes.
Well, get them back! l don't know if she can.
Debra, why don't you tell him what happened when you called the number the boy gave you? Yes, right.
Nobody answered.
Wait a minute, l know what this is.
This is a scam.
That punk kid's out there selling my stuf.
l'm sure he'll make a fortune.
What were you thinking? l don't know.
l'm an idiot.
l'm sorry, Frank.
Sorry's not gonna keep the snow of my ass.
All right, don't worry, Frank.
l'll help you get new clothes.
ln fact, l have an outfit that l was gonna give you to wear for Easter.
l'll let you wear it today.
Well, bring it over here.
l don't want to go back out there like this.
The mailman already made a crack about my legs.
Look what you did.
l hate the clothes she buys me.
l always end up looking like a dandy or a Frenchman.
l'm so sorry, Frank.
But it could be fun to buy new clothes.
Sometimes it's kind of cool to change your look.
You hate me, don't you? All right, Frank, listen.
You've always been honest with me, so - there's something l gotta tell you.
- What? Marie's the one that got rid of your clothes.
- What? - You can't tell her l told you.
l knew it.
That story had Marie's stink all over it.
Why did you cover for her? She helped me out with something and l owed her a favor.
Okay, if you'll excuse me, l'm gonna go strangle a woman with her own bathrobe.
No no no! No! You can't strangle her because then she'll know l told you, and then she'll tell-- unless you really strangle her.
No-- no no.
So what, l'm just supposed to put up with her crap? l'll-- l'll owe you one.
Boy, she must really have the goods on you, huh? Okay, here we go.
l'm very upset with you, Debra.
l'm sorry, Frank.
l'll leave you alone now.
l can't look at you anymore.
Oh, jeezaloo.
- Frank, what are you doing? - Remember how you owe me? Marie's not in there, is she? No, l just dug up a rosebush.
Why did you do that? lt was in the swing zone of my hammock.
What do you want me to do? Take the rap.
Frank, what are you-- - Put these on.
- Wait a minute-- Frank-- Where have you been? Your dinner's ready.
What's all that? l was just about to ask Debra the same thing.
Debra, what have you done? - What's going on? - Debra's been up to something, and l, for one, don't like the looks of it.
l can't do this.
l can't.
Ray, listen.
l should have told you this when it happened.
l'm the one who threw out your Muhammad Ali letter.
What? l threw it out by accident, and then l panicked, and Marie took the blame for me.
And then you buried it? lt was you? Oh my God, l'm sorry, Ma.
l've been giving you the silent treatment all week.
You have? l-- l-- l'm sorry, Ray.
l don't know what to say.
Well l can't believe l let you make love to me all week.
And then she dug up Marie's nice rosebush.
She's gotta be stopped.
My roses! Oh, you horrible brute! lt wasn't me, it was Debra.
Debra, you're on.
Stop it.
Admit it was you.
l'll admit it when you tell me what you did with my clothes.
- They're gone.
- Where are they? l dropped them of at a homeless shelter, and they're being used to wash cars.
Marie, l don't understand.
Why would you take the blame for something that Debra did? Apparently for no good reason.
No, l see how her sick mind works.
She wanted Debra on the hook so she could get rid of my clothes and dress me up like Fruit Pierre.
You happy with yourself? Huh? Getting into business with this one? Oh, you're one to talk, Raymond.
Debra, that's a beautiful necklace.
Where did you get it from, Raymond? Well-- well, wherever l got it from, l'm gonna return it, 'cause her beaut overwhelms it.
All right, what do you say we get this bush in the ground? You didn't buy this necklace? You had your mother do it? You couldn't buy me a birthday gift on your own? Well, l'm sure he would have bought it himself if he had remembered your birthday.
You still-- you still need your mother to tell you when my birthday is? You still need my mother to cover for you when you destroy my letters from Muhammad Ali? l don't need your mother.
Who are you kidding? Anytime you want to get out of going anywhere, who tells people that you have phlebitis? Wait a minute.
You didn't come to our rehearsal dinner because you had phlebitis.
- Marie? - No no.
You dug up my rosebush, that's the last phlebitis you get from me.
Wow, Marie.
Seems like you cover for everybody.
That's what a mother does.
Yeah, a mother who wants to control everybody.
You get something on everybody, and then you use it.
ls that what a mother does? Excuse me.
Did l ask you all to come to me and ask for these favors? You come to me because you know that l can deliver.
Go out on the street and ask for those favors and see what you get.
And so, yes-- maybe sometimes l ask for a favor in return, once in a blue moon.
And you call that controlling? l call that a family.
A Mafia family.
ls that what you think, Amy? l'm sorry.
No no no maybe you're right.
Maybe it's wrong for me to have all these secrets.
l mean, the truth is, it's a burden to hold on to all these things that l know about everyone.
Maybe l should just clear the air right now.
No no.
lt's okay.
That's all right.
That's silly.
No no.
l thought so.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Frank has some digging to do.
And l don't want you to get those new clothes dirt.
lt's dark outside, so you can do it in your underwear.
You learned something tonight, didn't you? - Yep.
- Don't touch my stuf.
Didn't Marie get his clothes back from the shelter? Yeah.
We're all a little nervous.
We're gonna have to start locking your closet.

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