Family Reunion (2019) s01e17 Episode Script

Remember Cousin Kenya?

1 A Netflix Original I want y'all to meet my family They're coming down south To stay with me - Big Moz - Do you love me? - Yep - I'm Cocoa! Jade in the house I've got a lot to say I'm a big sis Can't-miss renegade - Call me Shaka now - Hey - I'm the I'm the chief rocker now - Hey Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me - Little mommy, I'm Ami - Hey Singing loud and having fun It's Family Reunion [M'DEAR LAUGHS.]
[JADE.]
Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Grandpa? Are you awake? Nope.
Did you forget what today is? No, I did not.
Happy birthday.
Today's not my birthday.
Is it my birthday? No! It's Grandpa and Ami day, which means I get to do whatever I want with you.
Fine.
Who could say no to that face? Mom! Grandpa and I are playing dress-up.
Can I wear some of your jewelry? No.
Dang it! She can say no to this face.
Come on, Grandpa.
[LAUGHS.]
- [WATER FLOWING.]
- [GASPS.]
Uh-oh.
Jade is washing dishes without being asked.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Uh-huh.
Keep calm and let me handle this.
Girl! Are you pregnant? What? No.
Why would you ask that? [SCOFFS.]
Not what I was thinking.
Jade, you're washing dishes without being asked, which usually means you want something.
[EXHALES.]
That's not true.
Can I go on a date with Royale tomorrow? You know the rules.
Your father and I want to get to know - any boy you want to date.
- [SIGHS.]
I know, but it'll be so awkward.
You'll talk too much and Dad won't talk at all.
He'll just mean mug the whole time.
Well, why don't you invite him over to dinner? I mean, Maybelle is bringing her new beau too.
We'll just make it a party.
Okay.
I'll call him.
[SIGHS.]
Jade is growing up so fast.
No, she's just fast.
You need to slow that little red Corvette down.
[PHONE BEEPING.]
Oh, good! Cousin Kenya texted.
She's coming over for dinner.
I don't remember a Cousin Kenya.
Have I met her before? Probably not.
She's not a blood cousin.
I used to babysit her and so she just feels like family.
Hey, ladies.
Hey, Maybelle.
You're looking spicy.
Well, thank you.
I thought you were gonna bring your new old man with you.
Well, about that Well, what? He He dumped you already? I told you about cooking for a man on the first date.
No, no.
I-I just wanted to prepare you.
He's different.
Different as in quirky? Or different as in ugly? [ALL CHUCKLING.]
No! He's Well, he's Hey, ladies.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Thanks for inviting me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Royale looks a little too old for Jade.
Well, don't tell me.
Tell him.
Lookee here, Royale, you need to find somebody your own age.
Uh this is not Royale.
This is Tony, my boyfriend.
Mm.
Well, she got that boy part right.
Lookee here, Tony, you need to find somebody your own age.
- You're right, she is funny.
- [LAUGHS.]
It's nice to finally meet you.
Maybelle's told me so much about you.
She told us about you too.
Yeah, but she left a little bit out.
Maybelle! That boy's gonna hurt you.
- I hope so.
- Oh.
I can hear you.
Look, I would never hurt Maybelle.
He's got those young ears.
- He can hear everything.
- Hmm.
Let me get you some tea.
Hm.
Shoot! We're all out of ice.
No problem.
I'll go get some.
Oh! I'll go with.
Isn't he a sweetheart? - We'll be right back.
- [COCOA.]
Okay.
See you later.
[GASPS.]
Oh, my God! - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - I sure am.
As soon as his momma finds out what's going on, she's gonna whip Maybelle's behind! And then I'm gonna have to whip his momma.
And everybody knows I'm too pretty to go to jail.
Again, not what I was thinking.
Look who's here.
[BOTH GASP.]
[COCOA.]
That That's Kenya Moore.
- Hey, baby.
- [LAUGHS.]
M'Dear! Oh, baby.
Oh, and you must be Cocoa.
You're even prettier than your pictures.
Oh, thank you.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Cocoa! Cocoa! Cocoa.
Cocoa.
[EXHALES.]
- There you go.
Come on, Kenya.
- And strong.
[M'DEAR.]
Come on, baby.
Cousin Kenya is Kenya Moore? Of course.
- And Cousin Beyoncé is - [GASPS.]
not Beyoncé.
Ah, this place still looks the same.
Except the kitchen.
When did you do all this? Well, one of Cocoa's bad kids burned it down.
[LAUGHS.]
Moz, this is awesome.
Kenya's almost got two million followers.
If I can get her to wear some of my jewelry, it can take my business to another level.
Do you think she'd go for it? You know, it is so good to be home around people who love me and are not constantly - asking me for things.
- Oh.
I'd say no.
But that won't keep you from asking.
Well, I just have to find a way to ask her without her knowing I'm asking.
Hm.
Aw! Wow, you look beautiful, Ami.
I can't take my eyes off you.
Can't take my eyes off you either, but for a totally different reason.
You're one to talk, - wearing a shirt from Baby Gap.
- What?! Oh! I know.
You two need to accessorize with my jewelry.
[GASPS.]
Yay, come on, Grandpa! Let's go play in Mommy's stuff.
[IN SAD TONE.]
Yay.
[M'DEAR.]
Oh! Kenya, over time, you've gotten even more beautiful.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Well, you know I get it from you.
Oh, yes, you do.
[LAUGHS.]
- I thought she was a play cousin.
- Leave it alone, Cocoa.
What's the opposite of starve? - Eat.
- Don't have to tell me twice.
Ow! I'm glad you weren't holding a knife.
[LAUGHS.]
We are waiting for Jade's friend to get here.
Well, him being late isn't making a good impression on me or my stomach.
He's here.
[LAUGHS.]
Royale, this is my family.
[ALL WOMEN.]
Hi.
'Sup.
I'm Royale.
Good to meet you.
Would have been even better before the rolls got cold.
Oh, uh, Royale has an interesting philosophy about punctuality.
Yeah.
I don't believe in time as a construct.
I got here when the universe said I would.
You and the universe need a watch.
Somebody needs to tell him that Ezekiel Elliott wants his crop top back.
Hey, I really like your dad's shirt, by the way.
Baby Gap, right? Sure.
Come on, Moz.
Royale's been here for ten seconds and you're already mean mugging.
No, I'm not.
I'm smiling.
See? Okay, come on, that's creepy.
Promise me you'll give that boy a chance.
Fine! Oh! [GIGGLES.]
Uncle Jeb! - Kenya.
[LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, and I am Cousin Kenya Your Majesty.
Hello, I'm Ami warrior queen.
I am bold.
I am fierce.
And so is my drip.
Yes! And you are Gone With The Wind fabulous.
And this king is rocking a platinum necklace with a um [MOUTHS.]
Enema stone? Uh.
[LAUGHS.]
Um Amethyst.
So what do you think? I think I see you King T'Challa.
[LAUGHS.]
Let's go and get some pictures.
Um, oh, uh [LAUGHS.]
Sorry we took so long.
Yeah, we got a little distracted.
[GIGGLES.]
Tony Olsen? Uh? Big Moz? Wait a minute.
You two know each other? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
I used to babysit him, remember? Anyone want drinks? I have wine, beer.
Juice box? So what did you find out about Tony? It's bad.
Really bad.
Really? Oh, how bad? Anthony "Baby Face" Olson, from Columbus, GA, is a fugitive on the run from the FBI who's wanted for robbing four banks.
[SCREAMS.]
[LAUGHS.]
I knew it! [LAUGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
Maybelle, she is just going to be devastated.
Then why are you smiling? I'm not smiling.
Maybelle, get your behind in here, girl! What is going on? Sister, come over here and sit down! I really hate to show this to you.
What? No! This can't be my Tony.
Uh-huh, he's a wanted man.
By you and the authorities.
Wait a minute! This is not my Tony Olsen.
He spells his last name with an E, not an O.
And this man is white.
He could have had plastic surgery.
Child, nobody turns themselves black to hide from the police.
Oops! Well, um It's an honest mistake that Mazzi made.
No, it is not.
See, this is why I took so long to introduce you to Tony.
You have got a lot of nerve, judging somebody you've never even bothered to talk to.
You haven't even talked to the guy? Boy, stay out of grown folks' business.
Get out of here! You seen those white lines - the planes leave behind? - Mm-hm.
It's not what you think.
They're chemtrails the government put in the sky to control our minds.
Oh.
Who knew? I thought it was just plane exhaust.
That's what they want you to think.
Wow.
You know so many things! I know, right? See? Still smiling.
It looks like it hurts.
It does.
Greens? Are those genetically modified? I think they're just collards.
No, thanks.
I brought my own.
I'm not a fan of pesticides.
- Mmm.
- [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY.]
Do you mind if I rinse these off? Please do.
Thanks.
So? - What do you think? [GIGGLES.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Um I think he's gonna be upset when he finds out you still eat pickled pigs' feet.
- You do.
You do.
- Sh.
Don't say it.
Oh, look! High-fashion monsters! Yes.
Even monsters need a little glamour.
Especially if they're going to the Monster's Ball.
Pose and post.
[GROWLS.]
[LAUGHS.]
See anything you like? - Absolutely.
I love it! - [CHUCKLES.]
Ami, costume design is definitely in your future.
Come, let's take more pictures.
She's so focused on Ami and her cuteness, - she totally missed my jewelry.
- Mm.
Once again, my good genes are coming back to bite me in the butt.
Okay, now, remember I'm good cop, you're bad cop.
Got it.
I've got a meaner mug than Dad.
[GROWLS.]
Oh, you're so cute.
- Maybelle said you wanted to see me.
- Yes, I need to talk to you.
I need to be sure that you are who you say you are before I trust you with my sister, Maybelle.
You can trust me.
Your sister is the most valuable thing Oh, so she's a thing now? Like a fidget spinner? Look, I-I can see why you might be concerned.
I know our relationship is unusual, but I love her.
I love Maybelle and I would never hurt her.
My momma raised me better than that.
Well, we don't know your momma.
Now, look, Tony, if you are looking for a mother figure, you need to know that Maybelle couldn't raise blinds.
And I thought Maybelle was exaggerating about you.
Oh, no, baby.
Believe the hype.
I'm gonna make it easy on you.
If you walk away, never turn back, you can have this.
One million dollars? This is from Moz's account.
Yeah, and he's good for it.
[SIGHS.]
Look, no amount of money would get me to leave Maybelle.
Period.
Oh, okay.
We'll see about that.
Mazzi, go get your daddy's checkbook.
I don't know.
That's cutting into my college fund.
Boy, this is more important.
Go! Now, where were we? You were bribing me.
Oh, yeah.
And, uh [CHUCKLES.]
A million and ten dollars.
[LAUGHS.]
For the second time, no.
Okay, I-I'm worth more than that.
I've had my own construction company for over ten years.
Oh! So you a bragger, huh? [LAUGHS, MOUTHS.]
[FAST-PACED ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[VOCALIZING.]
Uh! Uh! This is a warning of global warming This is a warning - Of global warming - It's coming your way! It's coming your way! Get rid of your car Get rid of your car It's killing the planet Killing the planet Wake up It's killing the planet - All right.
- [JADE, ROYALE.]
Whoo! Thank you for that That.
- Do you want to hear another one? - No.
I'll wait for the album to drop.
It's nice that you're so passionate about the environment.
- I have to be.
- Mm-hm.
Mr.
McKellan, you probably don't know this, but the exhaust your luxury car makes is contributing to global warming.
Yeah, Dad, we should do our part and buy a Tesla.
I already drive one.
I mean, the kids are right, Moz.
You and your Range Rover are the reason that the children in Bangladesh have eczema.
Well, you can afford to, because you're in the entertainment industry.
We know it's controlled by one percenters and the Illuminati.
- Oh.
- Right? [CLEARS THROAT.]
How would I know? I'm not in the Illuminati.
Prove it.
I'm not even in a fraternity, all right? I was gonna pledge Alpha, but then I realized I'm more of a Que Dog.
[LAUGHS.]
Right? Wait, I don't need to explain myself to you.
I'm a grown man.
This is my momma's house! I don't know how much more of him I can take.
What does Jade see in him? She sees what all girls her age see in guys.
- He's cute! - Hm.
[EXHALES.]
That's for eating right out of the carton.
- Who raised you? - You.
[M'DEAR.]
Whew! I never knew interrogation could make you so thirsty.
Who are you interrogating? Tony.
Why not stay out of Maybelle's business? You don't even know the guy.
You don't know Royale and you can barely stand to stay in the room with him.
That's different.
Jade's my baby girl.
And the more you try to run her away from that boy, the faster she's gonna run towards him.
Well, we can say the same thing to you about Maybelle.
Oh, honey, this is just a harmless Q&A.
For waterboarding, do you really need the board or is the water enough? Never mind, I'll wing it.
Don't think I forgot about that ice cream.
You'd better be glad both my hands are full.
- What? - I got you.
Judas! [LAUGHS.]
This is my last offer.
No.
Goes in here, it's lost forever.
No.
Hey.
What are you two talking about out here? Your sister offered me a million dollars to walk out of your life.
What? [LAUGHS.]
She doesn't have a million dollars.
- Moz is good for it.
- Ugh! And, Maybelle, what if I were to give it to you? Okay, Amelia, let's just put all the cards out on the table.
Tony is young and handsome and successful and you just can't see why he would lower his standards to be with me.
Maybelle [LAUGHS.]
Girl Ooh! He is not lowering his standards.
You are an incredible woman.
But a 35-year age difference? I just don't get it.
It ain't for you to get.
Just as long as we do.
Maybelle is the first woman who didn't ask me to prove my love by buying her material things.
And Tony is the first man I've met who doesn't play games and is genuinely interested in the same things I am.
Like what? Skating.
Uh, parasailing.
Snorkeling.
You know, Amelia if this is too much, I-I get it.
I won't bring Tony around.
It just means I won't be around as much either.
No, I don't want that.
You must really like him.
I love him.
Well I guess there's only one thing left for me to say.
[SIGHS.]
He's lucky to have you.
[GASPS.]
Oh, Sis, thank you! Thank you.
Uh! Too soon.
You know your blessing means everything to me.
I promised him your peach cobbler, - so c'mon.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come on, you two, you can help yourselves.
And, listen, you are always welcome at my house anytime for dinner.
[GIGGLES.]
But, Tony, I am not going to be cutting up your sandwiches into those little triangles.
Of course not.
I do that for him.
- She's kidding.
- Oh.
[M'DEAR AND MAYBELLE LAUGHING.]
Mm! Thank you.
This cobbler is incredible.
Is it better than mine? Can't touch yours.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
Whoo, any man that'll lie like that must really love you.
And what do we have here? We're cool hipsters.
[FINGER SNAPS.]
[LAUGHS.]
And if by "hipsters," you mean my hip is hurting, you would be right.
Well, I love everything about your outfits, from the leather to the jewelry.
Thank you, Kenya.
- And, um, speaking of jewelry - [PHONE DINGS.]
Sorry.
Oh, I didn't realize it was so late.
I've got to run.
Shoot.
Moz! Moz! She's leaving.
I just missed my chance.
Well, she's not gone yet.
Yeah, Mommy, say something.
I can't now.
It's too late.
All right.
Oh, it was so good seeing you.
You, too! [LAUGHS.]
Next time, bring that baby for me to love on.
Of course.
I love you all.
Love you.
Safe trip, Kenya.
- It was nice meeting you.
- You too.
Uh, Kenya, before you go, um you really should take a look at Cocoa's jewelry.
Cocoa's jewelry? Yeah, she makes it herself.
Yes, I specialize in high-end pieces that will make every customer look and feel uniquely beautiful.
And you might want to wear a piece to show it to your fans, so they can see it.
Are you asking me or telling me? Uh, yup.
[LAUGHS.]
Cocoa, give me your best piece.
Oh! Okay, um Let me see what I can throw together.
I wasn't prepared for this.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh! - Wow, I love these.
- Pick one.
- Really? - Yeah, go ahead.
How much? Uh, well, this one is 18 - Free.
- Yes, free.
Hm.
Ooh, I am going to slay with this on the red carpet.
- [GIGGLES.]
- Well, only one thing left to do.
Twirl.
[LAUGHS.]
Of course.
And then post it on the 'Gram.
Hashtag "C By Cocoa.
" Hashtag "Get you some.
" Hashtag "Yas, queen, yas.
" Hashtag Hashtag "Okay.
" [LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
- Bye, Kenya.
- [SQUEALS, LAUGHS.]
- Yes! This is a really beautiful ring.
Wow.
Thanks for buying a C By Cocoa original.
[LAUGHS.]
Maybelle these have been the happiest 86 days of my life.
[GIGGLES.]
And I never want them to end.
What's going on? I don't know.
Looks like Tony dropped something.
- [GASPS.]
- Will you marry me? - Yes! Yes! - Yes? Mm-mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm-mm.
[LAUGHS.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
Huzz-za-za-za-zahs! [LAUGHTER.]
Mmm.
- So good.
- Let me see this ring again.
- Girl.
- I did good! Yes, you did! If I say so myself.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, come here.
- We should go home and celebrate.
- Okay.
But, first, can we stop by Sister Beulah so I can show off my ring? - [GIGGLES.]
- Didn't she just break up with her man? Mm-hm.
[LAUGHS.]
So come on.
She goes to bed right after Jeopardy.
- I give them two months.
- That long? [CHUCKLES.]
These are very nice rings, Mrs.
McKellan.
Ah, thank you, Royale.
It's interesting how a ring is like a miniature shackle.
Ha-ha! Well, um, a circle symbolizes eternity.
I'm sure the Africans felt like they were working in those diamond mines for eternity.
Oh, well, these aren't conflict diamonds.
What about the gold? Yeah, Mom? [EXHALES WEARILY.]
I tried.
Get him.
All right, Royale, that's enough.
I'm sorry if I'm hitting a little too close to home.
What nonsense are you talking about now? [SCOFFS.]
You were a professional football player.
How do you reconcile the fact that it's just modern-day slavery? Uh, excuse me? [SCOFFS.]
I saw the pro football combine.
All it was was a group of black men standing in their underwear in front of a group of white men who were poking and prodding them, trying to figure out which one to buy.
There's a reason they call those men owners.
He's got a point.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- No, he doesn't.
Slaves never had million-dollar contracts.
So they're high-paid slaves? Oh, so now you're calling me a slave.
Oh, not any more, Dad.
You're retired.
[LAUGHS.]
That's enough.
It's time for you to go.
In fact, you should change your name to Royale Pain, because that's what you are.
A royal pain in my Moz, Moz, Moz.
I'll call you, Jade.
Oh, that's what you won't do.
You were rude.
Me? Jade, what do you see in a boy like that? Royale is a visionary.
He tells it like it is - and he's not small-minded like - Like who? Mm-hm.
That boy's got you fooled.
You know, in fact, I'm putting my foot down.
You can't see him anymore.
What? You can't do that! Oh, I can do anything I want.
I's one of the big slaves.
I've finally found somebody I connect with and now you two are ruining it for me! [YELLS IN FRUSTRATION.]
Why does she think she can talk to us like that? - [DOOR SLAMS.]
- Because she knows what y'all are gonna do.
[BOTH.]
What? Nothing.
[CLOSING THEME PLAYS.]