Farscape s04e20 Episode Script

We're So Screwed Part II: Hot to Katratzi

Katratzi.
It's the name of a place.
The place where they took Aeryn.
I gave you a chance.
Where is Crichton? Katratzee.
That's the name of the base.
Where is it? Disguises its presence by mirroring the orbit of one of the moons of Trelax.
I know that planet.
The female is pregnant.
Her fetus must be saved.
Is there a suitable recipient for transplant? What about Scorpius? What about him? Well, he might have been captured.
Or killed.
Harvey you're not dead.
I am the 'undead'.
That's not funny.
Scorpius knows everything you know.
Memries, thoughts, dreams wormhole technology.
No.
No! You must go back there.
Where does it hurt, Scorpius? Here? Or here? Tell me what you know about wormholes, hmm? Even the smallest secret and I'll leave you in peace for an arn.
I've been searching my whole life for a female like you.
This is madness.
Could be genius, Sparky.
You know there's a very fine line between the two.
Geniuses make plans.
We're going to walk into the most heavily guarded base in the Scarran empire, start a civil war and walk out with Scorpius.
What part of that do you not understand? How you two can possibly believe it'll work.
We've been spotted.
Konach! Konach ket! Nachka vey taf verra yay-reta jon kreitanne isle-ka derdsta bek.
What did you just say? Don't you ever listen to the plans? I told them that we were escorting John Crichton and he wants to join the negotiations.
Oh, great! Now they're guaranteed to blow us to hezmana.
Keep it down! In noch hetza tyeum.
They've just given us clearance to dock.
That's it I need it now.
It's not too late to change our minds.
That's true, but we just passed the Jenek freighter which means that Scorpius is probably nearby.
That's it? That's it.
Mankind's greatest contribution to the absurd.
The thermonuclear bomb.
Emperor Staleek despite what your Minister of War might believe, this offer of peace is genuine.
Every day you fail to take it seriously we build more and more wormhole weapons.
Soon the urge to use one will become irresistible.
Not to interrupt your bluster but we have a guest who should make these talks even more amusing.
John Crichton.
And partner.
What did we miss? You've taken a great risk coming here.
Why shouldn't I just have you seized, right now? Well, maybe this.
What's that? Plutonium core.
Tritium shell.
Does that translate? A fission bomb.
Put those down! Nice threads.
You must be the Emperor.
Now, before anybody decides to get clever, you should know I have multiple deadman sensors from every culture on my ship and a few cultures I haven't heard of.
My heart stops we all go boom.
My heart speeds up, it's boom again.
Too hot, too cold, too happy, too sad, thirsty, hungry bored it's John Lee Hooker time.
Boom, boom, boom.
And you try your little psychic trick kaboom.
And we're all pushin up day-glo daisies.
Why do I doubt that? Because you lack imagination? What do you want? What do I want? What do I want? I have not been chasing my ass all over the galaxie trying to pull out chunks of my brain.
I have not been sneaking fembots and skreeths into the places where I live.
You want something! You.
You want what's inside my head.
You want what I know about wormholes.
Because I can leap tall galaxies in a single bound.
I can scorch planets with a wave of my hand and you and you and you You can't do jack.
That's not true.
Oh, really? You command the stars to do your bidding? I know you can't.
And you can't.
And you can't.
And you won't.
But I have.
Then why are you here? Because I am an American.
And what does an American want? Democracy? Capitalism! I want to sell out and settle down.
For one day only, it's a blue light special on aisle three.
My wormhole technology and a free set of steak knives for all the tea in China and anything you can imagine to pay me.
Pay? Yes! Pay cash.
He's crazy.
Isn't it fun? Welcome to my cold war.
Now what am I offered for all the powers of the Universe.
I think Crichton's bluffing.
The bomb isn't real and he has nothing to give us.
He's come for Scorpius.
We know they're working together.
At the border station the two of them Get me a full analysis of Crichton's weapon and how to disarm it.
Why would Crichton risk so much just to rescue an ally? He may be in league with Commandant Grayza to prevent Scorpius from giving us wormhole technology.
Ridiculous.
It was Crichton's females who rescued Grayza.
From your clumsy attempt to abduct her.
Another one of your failures Minister Ahkna.
Lovely of them to invite us in.
They did not have much choice, did they? Well, I think we've located all of the surveillance devices.
Pilot's enhanced the encryption so comms should be secure.
Anyone have any problems, phone home.
Fat man and I will throw our weight around.
You all know the plan.
Refresh me.
Wrinkles.
Yes? Charrids.
Kalish.
Recon.
Peacekeepers! A peace conference with the Emperor.
Very brave of you to enter Scarran space.
Could say the same for you.
John Crichton do not destroy the Sebacean people.
You don't need me for that.
You're doing a great job on your own.
Everything that I have done has been calculated to gain peace.
So you betrayed the Luxans? Maybe you should check your math.
Give us wormhole weapons and everyone will be safe.
Didn't she say she already had that? We are very, very close.
You know that we have sent Prowlers into wormholes.
If I can buy peace even for an arn or two perhaps we can develop them.
And what will you do? Kill billions of your rivals? maybe kill us.
Then name your price, Crichton.
Anything that you can imagine.
there's the rub.
You see I can't figure a way out of this situation but the first side that does wins.
I'm to allow them onto their ship? If they wish.
Crichton and his crew have negotiated full access to all common areas and we will acquiesce for the time being.
Let me ask you somethin.
You short-faced Scarrans you all look alike, you know? But, uh, were you were you, uh, down, down on the border station? Yes.
Then you were the one that, uh that ordered Aeryn and me to be cut open.
Yeah.
I got another one for yah.
Do Scarrans have mivonks? Yes but they're not external.
because the Kalish had no idea 'cause he's a frelling hapooda! don't you Charrids ever bathe? Listen, uh the Scarrans have nothing decent to drink and I won't drink with the Kalish.
Got any Raslak? Sit down.
Thank you.
Secretary Vakali? What are you doing here? This is a restricted area.
I have urgent information.
I believe the Charrids are trying to expel the Kalish from Katratzi by force.
And who are you to possess such erroneous intelligence? Just like you, I am a devoted Kalish.
Without us to administer their empire, the Scarran system of government will collapse.
What if they fear you will take it away from them? Please please, Secretary.
We need to talk.
Sir you're too prominent to be seen with her.
I will speak to her.
That is terrible.
Even the Scarrans should treat you better.
What do you want, Luxan? Me? I've got what I want.
Oh? You enjoy traveling with a group of thieves and a Hynerian slug? You would too, if you were being paid what I'm being paid.
Which is what? I think you'd better take that up with my employer.
What's this? Dinner? This is opportunity.
You will submit identification details before we can process a background analysis.
I will not submit for background appraisal.
You can trust me as I am, or I am gone.
Now what of your back ground? How many other bioloids are here? I am the one resistance member to infiltrate this posting.
How much hatred exists here between the Charrids and the Kalish? Even more than the outer worlds.
There's more at stake.
Bigger egos.
Then I will be straight with you.
We want to ignite that hatred and we want to use it as a cover for our escape.
Will you help us? That's a good boy.
Do you think she's figured it out yet? I don't think so.
She still looks pretty damned stressed.
I'm not surprised.
If she doesn't go home with a peace treaty she's going to be in a lot of trouble with High Command.
I reckon.
As long as your stress levels are all right.
Ah, well considering the fact that we're now nuclear terrorists.
Bomb seems to think I'm okay.
Provided that thing's working.
It's working.
You are dangerous.
Well, you better keep away them.
Sire We have a good scan of Crichton's fission device but decoding it could take some time.
Not if you expect to prosper.
You came back.
Couldn't figure a way to disarm my bomb, huh? Not yet.
Refreshment? Crystherium Utilia.
An acquired taste.
Streletzia hummingbird feeder.
You know of our delicacy? Bird of Paradise? Yah, Mom's garden.
Dime a dozen.
Did you come all this way to discuss botany? Or to make an offer? Have you got anything to offer or is all this just an elaborate bluff? You don't believe.
.
that I can control wormholes? Would you believe without proof? Fine.
We'll meet you halfway.
Navigational data chip.
Local star chart.
Send a ship to the designated coordinates and let us know when they arrive.
Why? Proof.
Command performance.
We're gonna put on the wormhole show, just for you.
Not interested, huh? I'm sure Grayza will be.
Wait.
Dispatch a stryker with full instrumentation to these coordinates.
Have you checked Crichton's ship? No.
It's protected by a force-field.
We may be able to override it.
Do so.
Check its logs, its star charts.
Get all the information you can.
This is folly.
Crichton plainly knows nothing about wormholes.
And Scorpius does? We'll soon find out.
He's ready for his final inquisitor.
You're very resiliant, Scorpius.
It must be my Scarran genes.
We could trade places and find out.
How would you like to punish me? If you want the pleasure of knowing, release me for an arn.
Oh, I wish we had more time.
But what I need to know now is what you do know about wormholes.
Well, torture me and I will amuse myself with dreams of you.
Kill me and my knowledge dies with me.
Are you sure? Even if an old friend helped you to the other side? Stark?! There's no way to escape, Scorpius.
Not even into death.
Because as you're making your agonizing passage to the other side.
I am going to capture your soul and with it everything you know.
Oh, I've waited many cycles for this, Scorpius.
Dreamed so many sleepless dreams.
Every dashed hope, every plunge into terrified despair that I suffered at your hands in the Aurora Chair.
But rather than the two cycles that fate gave you to screw with my soul, she's only given me two arns to be finished with you.
So, I guess I better be a little more imaginative.
I think this may have possibilities.
Listen to this.
What? Listen.
Can you hear that? That's Scorpius.
You sure? Yes, yes.
I'm sure.
Completely.
You go tell Crichton.
I'll try and find out where they're keepin him, okay? Scorpius can't possibly hold out much longer.
If he hasn't broken already.
Rygel? Oh, the Scarrans will never make you rich.
I can make you rich if you come and work for me.
Rygel? Rygel is busy at the moment, John.
Sikozu? Everything is going to plan.
The plan is too slow.
Speed things up, please.
Yah, well we're going as fast as we can.
I will try, but I'll need some time, John.
Why do we never have enough time? Why should I go to work for a frelling Hynerian when I'm already a general in the Scarran's service? Hah! That'll end very soon when the Scarrans sever all ties with the Charrids.
You're a lying slug! They're going to war with the Peacekeepers! But not with you as their allies.
Just with the Kalish.
The Kalish are just techs.
Well, the Scarrans are building a wormhole weapon.
They need techs, not soldiers.
And the Kalish know it.
That's why they're planning to sabotage the Charrids by embarrassing you in front of the Scarrans.
They would never be so bold as to do that! Hah! They are as stupid as the Kalish say they are.
Join me before the Scarrans throw you off this rock.
Crichton's fission device it's all just spare parts mostly, salvaged from devices I've never seen before.
I don't care if it's made out of your mother's bones, I need to know how to disarm it.
We just need a few solar days.
You don't have them! Either you'll disarm it now or I'll find some species that will.
What do you think? It's just like she said.
The Charrids are trying to incite the Scarrans against us and it's starting to work.
And what about Scorpius? he's somewhere on this level.
Alright, well, if we can't make it to Lo'Lah, we're going to be looking for alternate escape routes.
To the surface? I'll keep lookin.
Thank you.
You have cost me a Stryker and its crew.
Really? How did I do that? At your coordinates, a wormhole opened and swallowed them up! what did you do? Oh, no.
Do not tell me you ordered them into the wormhole! She told you to call us when they got there! You should've warned me! Don't lay this off on me! You wanted proof you got it.
Did you cause that wormhole to open? no more freebies.
You wantta do a deal, or you want me to sell it to the Peacekeepers so they can gobble up all of your warships? Do not threaten me! I'm not threatening.
I'm just a guy with something to sell.
You don't want to buy it, I'm sure someone else will.
I didn't push him too hard, did I? He'll make an offer.
An entire cavern just to grow the flowers they eat? And it's a high security area.
Why? We don't know.
But only the Charrids are supposed to have the access codes.
So, if anyone else enters the cavern, the Scarrans will assume the Charrids left it accessible like this.
You stole the codes.
Which is what the Charrids will suspect and they will confront us.
Crichton.
We've found a much faster way to incite a riot.
That's great.
Let me hear it later.
Nice pants.
Hey, Braca.
You look a little lost.
Does Mommy know you're here? Does Mommy know he's Scorpius' boy? Oh, no.
Mommy doesn't know.
Are you here to rescue him or kill him? Stark! Conceal yourself.
We're here to see Scorpius.
Come in.
Just you.
John.
Grasshopper.
That's a nice hat.
Ahkna, don't! What do you say? Too happy, too sad, too cold, too hot? Let's see? I know you have a real nuclear device, but I'm sure you can disarm it.
I would but I can't so I won't.
You're bluffing.
Well, so much for nuclear deterrence get ready to kiss your ass good-bye, Castro.
You're insane! Release her.
You all right? Yah.
You're mad.
Just played a game of chicken.
Did I win? Just this time.
You take the initiative next time.
I'll take it now.
Frell it.
Not yet.
Aeryn You found Scorpius being tortured and you just left him there? It's not time yet.
That's why we're here.
Morning.
As long as this helps start the conflict.
Yes, it will.
Might even get yourselves killed.
Then we'll all go together.
Give me your hand and put it on my shoulder.
Come mere.
All right, now stand on my feet.
Comfortable? You? Hold tight.
I don't care what you think the Kalish might or might not do.
The Scarrans would never dissolve our partnership.
What partnership? You aren't their partners.
You're nothing more than ill-paid, ill-treated and ill-smelling servants.
I don't think so.
Is this our floor? I don't know.
Have to get out and have a look around.
Intruder alert in the Crystherium chamber.
Quick, check it! Now! Hurry! Never knew Scarrans were so sentimental.
No one around.
So what do you want to do to get noticed? I got arrested once.
College.
Let me show ya.
What are you doing here? Come out, now! Damn! Up.
Now! There's never enough time.
Who gave you the codes? What codes? Codes? We didn't need no stinking codes.
You could not have accessed the cavern without the codes.
We didn't try to access anything.
Some Charrids got off the elevator, we got on.
We got off well, we tried to get off.
We got interrupted.
Which Charrids? Are you serious? They all look alike.
You should put numbers on their uniforms.
The Charrid troops are your responsibility.
I'll order a full inquiry.
You know, while you're at it give me Scorpius.
You want Scorpius? Why? Is it because he's going to give us what you're trying to sell us? No beacause the hat lady is pissing me off, and i wanna piss her off, Call it a whim.
And, I don't like watching people be tortured who don't know anything.
What do you know about wormholes, Scorpius? Tell me.
I know nothing.
You're lying.
You tell me! I said I know nothing know nothing! It's a normal part of the procedure.
He he's strong.
Very strong That means, when he finally breaks, it'll be all the more catastrophic.
You promised me That I would break him, not that he knows anything, but if he does, you will know.
What is happening in here?! You wanted the information taken from him.
Alive.
I said alive.
And have you learned anything? No, not yet, but I Crichton has destroyed a stryker and found a way into the caverns but you have achieved nothing.
Get out! This is my jurisdiction.
Not unless I say it is.
Now, get out.
All of you.
I'll get the truth from him.
I thought you said she couldn't harm you.
And she couldn't! I'm fine.
Quite fine.
I've caused enough harm in my time to mimic it well.
We still haven't found a way of disarming Crichton's weapon but he has demonstrated a convincing command of wormholes.
I can seperate him from the bomb.
He trusts me more than he realizes.
Just bring him to me! Will you? Or will you betray me? I've served you for ten cycles as a spy.
Why would I betray you now? Betray me, and you will die in this machine but deliver Crichton's knowledge to me and all the power you seek will be yours.
Thank you for returning.
What is it? I would like to make an addition to my offer.
I'll have the kung pao chicken.
You want a spring roll? Actually, they're a pardon from the Supreme Council.
No Peacekeeper would dare violate them.
Is she for real? It would seem so.
However, it is conditional.
Of course on no wormhole technology being shared with the Scarrans.
What if we give these back? Still valid.
She wouldn't dare destroy them.
I've witnessed them.
So have all our principal officers.
Keep it.
We'll let you know.
Guys listen up.
They're bringing him now.
One riot, well done.
Hold the mayo now! Your troops compromised the security of the cavern.
No! That is not what happened.
We are very close to a conflict now.
This ain't horeshoes or hand grenades means now! A bargain is struck however an agreement requires trust which, thus far, has been one-sided.
Now, you tell me what else you really want.
When you wake up in the morning on your big, Emperor bed and you listen what do you hear? Do you hear the little Emperor birdies singing outside your window? Do you hear the Emperor wind whistling through the trees? Or do you hear people dying? Do you hear your friends begging for mercy? Do you hear doors being kicked in because people are hunting you? Do you hear the sound of your heart pounding in your ears? What I want Santa Claus? For the rest of my life I wanna wake up like an Emperor.
Your safety, guaranteed.
In just a few arns.
Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows.
How you gonna guarantee my safety? With great effort and great sincerity.
Though at some point, my largesse will dissipate.
My appreciation.
My ass.
Did you tell them? No.
Wormholes my brain Harvey! What did you tell them? Nothing! Listen up I am Johnny Radiation because of you, Nosferatu.
Everyone I care about west of the Moon is here and in danger to make sure that you keep your mouth shut.
Now! Did you keep your mouth shut? Yes.
John You believe him? Yes, I do.
Good.
Kill him and let's go.
What? Kill him and let's go.
We came here to free him.
No.
We came here to make sure that my knowledge didn't slip out of his mouth.
Kill him, Aeryn and let's go.
Oh, you want me to kill him? Well, I'm not the assassin, am I? If you want him to die, you can kill him yourself.
You made me promise that I wouldn't.
Well, I release you from that promise.
Say that again.
I release you from that promise.
Thank you.
I'll give you my bike if you kill 'im.
May I speak? No.
He's tellin the truth.
We'll sort you out later.
Guys! I apologize in advance for any incivility or insensitivity on my part, but it is beer o'clock where the hell is my riot? The logs show your Lieutenant had just returned from the cavern.
Whose logs? His? Kalish documentation.
What are you implying, Rahzaro? Ohhh, you're going to get it.
That our intruder could not decipher the access codes to the cavern by himself.
Someone had to have given them to him.
I protest this baseless accusation.
Then,,, find out where the fault does lie.
I expect a full account from each side in less than two arns.
Tear down the system to the foundation.
Find the leak.
I will not be humiliated by you, Vakali.
You will not destroy my relationship with the Emperor.
What the frell are you blathering about, Charrid? Your security forces prove useless and you seek to refocus the blame! Useless? My forces, useless?! Ordering biscuits and repairing urinals has never won a war.
And neither have you, if I recall.
Insult a Charrid at your own risk Kalish hapooda.
Hapooda? You dare to call me 'hapooda'? And I bet not a very good one.
What is this? Stop it.
Stop it at once! Strike warriors to the control center.
Confiscate all weapons.
Now, Crichton.
Leave now.
And never doubt your Dominar again.
I must go.
Sho-kana-sho.
Sho-kana-sho.
Go! We've been sabotaged.
The Charrids and Kalish are fighting.
Guards! Secure Crichton and report.
Scorpius we must secure Scorpius.
Don't worry about Scorpius.
He's not going anywhere.
Everyone, go.
We're on the move.
Some help would be appreciated.
Where do you expect us to run? Got a taxi waiting.
First rule of piss-poor planning have your exit ready before your entrance.
What? This disturbance? Pretty cool, huh? Yes, I'm impressed.
There's just no pleasing some people.
Remain where you are, or I'll shoot.
Release your weapons, now.
Braca? Yah, feel the love, Mr Burns.
Frell! Hey, can you help us? We're we're afraid.
You have to turn back.
Can't pass here.
It works! We're getting close.
Don't leave without us.
Warrior can you take this Kalish piece of tralk? Nice.
Hurry up! We try it a third time? Warrior.
Could you take this Kalish piece of tralk? We're almost home.
There it is.
D'Argo's vessel, even shrouded cannot outrun a stryker! Moya's disguised as an oil freighter in the shipping yards.
She's rested and ready to starburst.
Oh, crap.
Aeryn We can broker a bargain.
Where's yer nerve, Grasshopper? Just stick with me.
They ain't gonna pop fat man.
I can't.
You better not pass out.
Get up or I kill you now.
Choose.
You need to know when a woman's serious.
Are you coming? Okay.
Drop your weapons! Don't fire or you'll detonate the bomb.
Well, there you go.
Someone finally got smart.
You stupid son-of-a-bitch! I'm sorry, John.
You need to breathe deeply if you expect to live.
You're gonna get us all killed! Now if you trust m enough to live you may well discover the truth.
Trust you? Trust you?!
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