Felicity s01e11 Episode Script

Gimme an O!

Previously on "Felicity" - But I wanted to see you because I'm leaving today.
- Today? Look, whatever we are, I love what we are.
And we can figure it out in January.
Do you still want to share a cab? - I'm not going back.
- I'll just see you when I get back, then.
You have fun.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Dear Sally, for the first two weeks, being back in California was great.
I mean, I was happy to see my parents, and they were happy to see me.
But then it happened.
I got this pang, you know, this this need to get back to New York, because that' where my life is.
I needed to go home for a couple of reasons.
Actually, one in particular.
It's our room, and it's not Godforsaken, - whatever the hell that means.
- It's a fire hazard! - It's a little brown.
- So what? I keep my Christmas trees until February.
- It' good luck.
- No, not with me as your roommate, i-it' not.
You know what? Richard's right.
I'm tossing this tree.
- You mean "kindling.
" Thank you.
- Look, look, you take my tree, that puts a hex on me and my family.
- Fine! Now there's no bad luck and no fire hazard.
Get out of here.
So that' what you look like.
- So, hi.
- You have no idea how happy I am to see you.
- Yeah, I think I do.
- Oh Oh, you smell so good.
Maybe it's the pine.
Well, let me let me clear this off for you, okay? Wow! An iMac! Noelcrane.
Com hit the big time.
Yeah, well, with my credit-card bill, you know.
But, uh, but this thing is amazing.
It' so fast.
Hey, so, there's something I have to tell you.
Um, l-I was gonna say something on the phone yesterday, but - What is it? - Uh, I did a lot of thinking over vacation, you know? Oh, um, what is it you don't you don't think we should start dating? Right? It might it might ruin our relationship? Or you like me too much, and you don't want to jeopardize what we have with with physical intimacy, right? 'Cause you can say any of that stuff to me.
I've been preparing for the last four weeks for a speech like that, so No.
I've decided that you and I should have sex.
Okay, I know this seems out of the blue, like all of a sudden, bam, I want to have sex, but really, it's something that I've been thinking about for a-a long time.
Ever since I got to college, I've just felt disconnected, like I'm not a part of something.
And I'm I'm pretty certain it' because all the people I see, they're doing it.
I mean, they're having sex.
It happened a thousand times.
I'd look at someone and think, " That girl she has sex, "and and so does she.
He has sex with her.
" "Those two definitely have sex, like, all the time.
" All of these people are having sex, and I'm not.
Yeah, so, you know, I was really depressed with my parents, when I told them about Zack.
You know they, um, they just they actually got it.
They didn't make me feel guilty or anything.
And my dad even hugged me, which I could not believe.
That's so great.
Yeah, I know.
- You had a good time, too, right? - Oh, yeah.
My dad still clenches his teeth every time I talk about New York.
But l-I was really looking forward to getting back.
Me too.
Hey, welcome back! - Yeah, you too.
How was Palo Alto? - I met your dad.
- You did? - Yeah, when I was getting a Christmas tree.
Uh, he was there talking to a doctor friend of my dad's.
He seemed nice.
Well, he makes a good first impression.
So, what did you end up doing? I, uh, I I went to Vermont.
Yeah, Sean' buddy has a house outside of Stowe.
Yeah, it was pretty great.
How you doing? Great.
Okay, so, I'll see you guys after class.
It's weird coming back, isn't it? It's like we never left.
I just I want to be clear about yesterday.
- Did I hear you correctly? - Yeah, you heard me.
So, uh When when were you thinking about, um Actually, it would be really great, before we did anything, if you got tested for HIV.
Absolutely, yeah.
I'm so I'm so all over that.
I mean, not that I think that you're positive.
No, no, no.
Hey, we have to be safe.
And, you know, I would totally offer to get tested myself, - except that I've never - Hey, say no more.
I'm on a mission.
I don't know if you can tell, but I'm very enthusiastic about this whole endeavor, so-- I'm on top of it.
It's Whole milk or nonfat? What's this for? For being so cute.
All right.
Spit it out.
What? Whatever it is you're afraid to tell me.
I'm not afraid to tell you anything.
You gonna open it or what? So, do you like it? Uh, yeah, l-I love it.
I knew it.
It's beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, it's so stretchy.
The minute I saw it, I thought, "That's so Elena.
" You were right.
It's so me.
Um thank you.
I can't wait for you to wear it.
Yeah, neither can I.
Well, I gotta go.
I'm glad you like it.
What in the world? Hey! Ben! - Hey.
- How's it going? Uh, it's good.
How are you? Great.
Just went to the doctor.
You okay? - There's every indication I'm just fine.
thanks for asking, though.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Hey! - Hi.
Uh, we're having a party at Sladeover on Friday, so "invite only" if you want.
Oh, okay.
Um, thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Um, who was that? I don't know.
Uh, some sort of party or something.
You know what's amazing is that yesterday, that would have really bugged me.
- What? - That you know, pretty girl comes up, invites you to her party total stranger I would have hated you for that.
But now I don't know it's amusing, you know.
It doesn't affect me the same way.
Why? What happened? Progress, life moving ahead.
Things changing - you know, stuff like that.
- Right.
- I'll see you.
- Okay.
Felicity: So I decided, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right.
And you know what? I'm not gonna be embarrassed about it.
There is no reason why I should feel embarrassed at all.
Excuse me, where are your sex books? They're right there.
Is this for a class? Oh, no, I'm, uh, buying them for me personal, uh, edification.
And what specifically were you looking for about sex? - S-Specifically? - Mm-hmm.
Uh having it.
Yeah, I was I was looking at this one, actually Mars and Venus in the bedroom, which sounded perfect, but, um, it didn't have a lot of pictures.
And I'm a very visual person.
I get very confused spatially when there aren't pictures when they're trying to explain things, you know? Am I making you uncomfortable?! No, you're just talking really loudly.
Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
I didn't Do you know How Good It Feels? No.
Um actually, that's - that's kind of the point.
- It's a book.
Oh, no, I don't have that one.
How about this? Gimme an 'O.
' Page 46 is really something.
That's all I'm going to say.
I'll I'll take it.
What is this? - That? - Yeah.
That's Julie's toothbrush.
No, no, this breaks the "no live-in girlfriend" rule.
- Julie's not my girlfriend.
- Well, you know what? Blue toothbrush says girlfriend.
I'm telling you, she's had a rough couple months, and I'm just helping her out, that's it.
I understand.
She's she's like a real-estate investment.
What? You know when you buy an inexpensive piece of land? You know you're gonna build on it eventually when the value goes up, but you You know, you take your time, play it safe, make sure you got the capital.
Then you build.
You are crazy, you know that.
You're investing in the future.
Which as a businessman, I give you nothing but respect.
Well, your respect scares me.
Hey! Hi.
Looking for this? No.
You leaving? Yes, I am.
Um can I - What? talk? - Yeah.
Hey, don't mind me just 'cause I own the place.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy that.
Okay, listen After my counselor, I think I'm gonna go talk to Felicity.
Why? Because it just felt awful this morning being in class and not saying anything.
So what, uh, are you and I not supposed to hang out because, uh, it's gonna hurt Felicity's feelings? No, uh, that's not it.
Then what is it? I don't know.
I just I want to be honest.
Okay, then tell her.
I'm going to.
It's just gonna be really hard.
Did I break it? No.
No, I'm the one who dropped it.
So it is broken? Well it's not working, so but Iook at this.
This is a blood donor card.
The doctor reminded me that the, uh, the Red Cross only gives those out to people who are HIV-negative.
And, you know, I gave blood last month, I had zero contact with anybody, and I have a card.
Uh, so that means that, medically, I am officially safe-sex material.
Okay, so, uh when do you want to do this? Um, now? I don't want to rush it.
No, okay.
Um, how about tonight? Uh lecture.
Tomorrow? I got a lab tomorrow.
How about Wednesday? I'm I'm wide open Wednesday! I'm I'm working at Dean & Deluca.
Isn't, uh, isn't there someone who can cover for you? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure I can.
"Noel sex.
" Is 8:00 okay? For sex? I'll see you then.
Wednesday, 8:00.
And, hey, um if you need to reschedule or anything, just let me know.
Oh, I can pretty much guarantee that t-that won't be a problem.
Felicity Porter? Hi.
The pill is 99% effective when taken correctly, which means one pill every day, preferably at the same time each day.
You can start the first Sunday after your next period.
- And I use it with condoms, right? - Yes, that's important.
The pill takes a month to become effective.
Plus, it doesn't protect against sexually transmitted diseases.
That's right.
You should always use a condom.
What kind would you like? - Uh - Latex? Polyurethane? Ribbed? Lubricated? Mint-flavored? Mint? We'll go with the basic latex.
What is that? I mean, l-I know what it's supposed to be.
It lets you practice your technique.
Uh, lots of people get it wrong, actually, but it' really very simple.
You place the condom over the erect penis, holding the tip to remove any air that might have gathered there.
You roll said prophylactic down toward the base of the pubis.
You must do this a million times a day.
Well l- It's probably like when I worked at this ice-cream parlor, um, and I had to scoop ice cream all day.
At first, it was the greatest thing, but then, after a few days, I'd get home and my mom would say, "Do you want some ice cream for dessert?" And I'd be like, "No, thanks, Mom," 'cause I'd been staring at it all day, and I was completely sick of it.
Is it like that at all? No.
Would you like to give it a try? Uh no, that's that's okay.
Hey! Hey.
- What are you doing here? - Uh, what are you doing here? I'm going to see my counselor.
How about you? Actually, it's, uh about sex.
What about it? I'm gonna have it with Noel.
And I was just in there talking to the health-services guy.
You and Noel? Oh, my God.
That's that's great! Yeah! Do you think so? Absolutely.
Because I felt weird talking to you about it, you know, after, uh Oh, just because I had a bad sexual experience with Zack doesn't mean you shouldn't have a great first one with Noel.
And it definitely doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it.
So this is a big deal.
I know! It's about time, right? I'm glad I told you.
It feels terrible not telling you everything.
Yeah, it does.
I'm late for my counselor.
I have to go.
So should I say, like, congratulations or something? Uh, yeah, I guess.
You know, I've never done a sit-up in my life.
Except for when I thought I might score which is really so pathetic.
So, is this guy gonna, you know, be able to help me with my computer? Definitely.
Not only is he one of the greatest human beings that ever lived, he is an official authorized apple-repair guy.
It is a done deal, my friend.
- Hey.
Do you have a minute? - Hey.
Yeah, sure.
- You know, your tree's dead.
- Oh, it's not mine.
So what's up? It's about Ben and Felicity.
You're joking, right? Please please tell me you're joking.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not Ben and Felicity together.
It's me and Ben and Felicity.
Okay, yes or no - uh, Ben and Felicity are together.
- No.
So you and you and Ben are together? - Yes.
- Good for you.
We're not we're not together together.
We're just we're hanging out a lot.
What constitutes "a lot"? Every night.
That's a lot.
Um, at the end of last semester, remember when the whole thing happened with Zack? I- l-I couldn't sleep.
So, one night, I went over to his place, and he was he was amazing.
He just talked to me until I fell asleep.
He made me feel I don't know safe.
And I've just I've been sleeping over there ever since.
With Ben? Nothing happens.
We're just spending time together.
So, um what's the problem? I haven't told Felicity, and I think that she'd feel it was some sort of betrayal.
She might not, you know? I mean, I have a I have a pretty good reason to believe that Felicity's moved past Ben.
Oh, I know that she has.
She's told me all about you two.
- She did? - Yes.
She' very excited.
No, I'm just I'm worried that she'll be mad at me for not telling her I'm sleeping in Ben' bed or the two of us went to Vermont for a week over vacation.
And nothing happened there, either? - We went snowshoeing.
- Okay, so if the only thing that' going on between you and Ben is snowshoeing and deep sleep, why can't you tell Felicity? I don't know.
- Can I offer a reason? - Mm-hmm.
Maybe it's because you know that something's about to happen.
You're right.
I have to tell her.
Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell her.
I'm gonna tell her tonight.
No, no, no.
Uh, no.
Don't tell her tonight not tonight.
Oh, right.
Yeah, uh, any anytime after Thursday would be good.
F- Friday, for example t- tell her Friday.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Really? You and Noel? Yeah.
I'm only asking you because you have such experience.
You two should have been going at it a long time ago.
Well, I'm a slow starter.
Let me give you a tip.
Be the ball.
What? Focus on the ball.
W- Which ball are we talking about exactly? It's this golf thing I saw on an infomercial.
Take all your energy and all your concentration, and focus it.
- On the ball? - On him.
Treat it like any Chemistry final.
Forget about food, your other work, and just focus like you've got blinders on like a racehorse.
Take control right away, and keep it going.
Eye on the ball.
- Eye on the ball? - Yeah.
You and Blair must have an amazing sex life.
Speaking of which, what do you think of this? - Uh, what is it? - You tell me.
Blair gave it to me.
It looks like a like a really short skirt.
- Are you sure it's not a top? - Why don't you just ask him? It's too late.
I've already told him I love it.
I can't go back to him and say, "You know that thing I said I loved what is it?" - It'll crush him.
- Never stopped you before.
Yeah, what can I say? I like the guy.
So remember eye on the ball.
- Got it.
- And sexy underwear never hurt.
Felicity: Item number, uh, The, uh, Patricia bra.
Yeah, uh, I was just curious i-if you had that.
Oh, l-I haven't picked out a color yet.
Um w-which which do you think? Uh, because someone else is going to be seeing it.
Black? Um you don't think black is too much? Uh, you know, l-I think I'll go ahead and just, uh, go look in your store, see what you have in stock.
I heard.
Y- You heard what? About your plan to bone the R.
What?! Who told you that? - The mailroom guy.
- Oh, my God - Everybody knows.
- Sure.
Gimme an 'O '?! This was my favorite book in eighth grade! Did you check out page 46? Uh, y-yeah.
I'm getting all nostalgic.
- Do you want some sex advice? - Not really.
Hang on.
Can I come in? Oh, yeah.
What are you doing? Nothing.
Can I can I get you anything you know, maybe a oh, um a bottle of water, which I - Ow! Agh! - What? I fell on something sharp.
It's It's a hairbrush.
H- Hold on! Hold on! - What's wrong? - Um, uh I- I was just thinking that maybe we should slow down just a little, let me, let me catch my breath and not feel like this is being, uh, nationally televised, okay? Noel! Oh, my God! I- I thought you locked the door! You didn't give me much chance! - Oh! Fire! - Okay, okay, wait! No uh, nobody panic! Um, guys, guys, it'll go out in a second! It'll be out in a second! Wait! Wait! Nobody panic! Look, we can do this! - Noel, your room is on fire! - No, look! Look! It'll be out in a second! - Uh wait! Wait! - God! Man: There' a fire! I was a volunteer firefighter in high school.
Yeah, we can tell.
Noel, don't the rules say when the alarm goes off we gotta evacuate? Yes.
I can't look at you.
It wasn't that bad.
I was a freak! I mean, who was that person? You were a little aggressive.
Oh, my God, and those people walking in, and then, and then the tree and the fire I don't even want to think about it.
All right, so so, it wasn't what we imagined, you know, but I just thought, if I could barrel through it, you know, we would just get it over with and then I don't know.
Hey, Felicity Iook at me.
Look, it just needed to be a little more romantic, that's all.
What, sex by a roaring fire isn't romantic enough for you? I got us a room at the Worcester.
The hotel? So that we could be alone.
Our reservations are for tonight.
Tonight? Javier, l-I'm sorry, but I need tonight off.
No, no, no.
This is the busiest day ever! Thanks to God you are here! I am exhausted.
- Just just this one night.
- No, no, no, no.
I would not ask you if it wasn't important.
Is this about a guy? - What if it is? - Well, tell him to come here and enjoy a double mocha.
Okay, see, the thing is that what we're doing, um we need to be alone you know what I mean? What, you think it's a national holiday every time you get lucky? Okay.
This is a very unique, uh, situation for me.
Oh, my God.
This is your first time.
Javier I personally don't believe in premarital sex, but I'll take your shift.
I want details later.
Thank you! "I stop somewhere waiting for you.
" Walt Whitman rocks.
I thought you hated poetry.
Yeah, that's 'cause I never understand it.
But Walt, here, actually wrote some stuff I get.
Listen to this.
"I celebrate myself, and sing myself, "and what I assume you shall assume, "for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
" I love this.
Yeah, it's pretty good, isn't it? I meant hanging out with you.
No, that's what I meant, too.
Oh, my God.
This room is amazing! * So close and yet so far away * I'm I'm glad we're doing this.
Thank you.
- * I can only hope * - Thank you.
* And pray * - Maybe we should, uh, have some champagne? - Ooh, a minibar.
- You're not gonna open that, are you? - Totally.
Okay, but there is no more expensive food on the planet than than minibar food.
Whenever I'm in a hotel with my parents, they never let me eat from it.
So tonight it is on me.
What do you want? Um l-I'll have a Coke.
What should we toast? How about to better luck the second time around? * Some stranger * * I never knew * This is gonna be good.
Ben: You sure you don't want to come back to the loft? Sean's not there.
He hates me, doesn't he? No, he doesn't hate you.
He he just he found your toothbrush, and in Sean's world, a toothbrush means live-in girlfriend, and, you know, he has this rule About no live-in girlfriends.
Yeah, but, um, I told him what was up.
Well, I still think I'm gonna stay here tonight.
But thanks for everything.
All right.
Good night.
Good night.
* Together, but who knows how long? * * Feels so right and yet so wrong * - Call you tomorrow.
- Okay, bye.
Hello? - Felicity: It' me.
- Hey.
Hey, so listen you're never gonna guess where I am.
Is that a toilet flush? I'm using the phone in this suite that Noel and I got at the Worcester.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Here, I'll do it again.
- No! It' okay.
So, um this is it.
I mean I think that, you know, Noel and I are really gonna do this.
What? You you sound weird.
Is something wrong? No.
No, nothing.
What? Nothing.
It's it's stupid.
This is a big night for you.
I- I want you to have a great time.
I'm having a great time.
So tell me.
Seriously, there is nothing to tell you.
Now go and have fun.
I'll call you tomorrow.
Yeah, okay.
That is a pretty great bathroom.
This is a pretty great bed.
You know what? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to focus.
I just need to focus, that's all.
I called Julie.
From from the bathroom? Yeah, there's a There's a phone right by the toilet.
That's impressive.
She sounded she sounded really upset.
She didn't say why? No.
It just seemed like I don't know something seemed wrong with her.
Nah, l-I don't think so.
You don't? No, I think she's, uh, I think she's gonna be fine.
Did you did you talk to her or something? What? What's going on? She's with Ben.
What do you mean? Julie and Ben, they've been I don't know hanging out.
- Hanging out? - Yeah, that's what she called it "hanging out.
" You know, they spend time together.
How much time? I think I think she said, um, every night.
When when did you talk to her? Yesterday.
So you've known since yesterday that Julie and Ben were having an affair and you didn't tell me? It's not it's not an affair.
Ah, wow, I can't believe you didn't tell me.
Why should it matter? Because it matters.
I don't know.
Why? Because they didn't tell you earlier or because because you're still obsessed with Ben? Because I had a-a big talk with her yesterday.
I mean, I told her all about us, and I told her how much I valued her friendship.
And you know what she said about what you just told me? Nothing.
That's because she knows the truth.
Noel Okay If I am, as you say, obsessed with Ben, why am I here with you? I don't know.
Noel, what are you doing? Where are you going? We can't do this.
I don't want to be the rehearsal.
You're not the rehearsal.
You know how I know that I am? Because I know that when I tell you what I'm about to tell you, your face is gonna drop.
Ben and Julie went to Vermont together.
Good night, Felicity.
Hey, it's Julie.
- Sorry I didn't call.
- Oh, you don't have to call.
Oh, there's my T-shirt.
Yeah, you have a bunch of stuff here.
- I do? - Yes.
How many quarters do I owe you? Oh, don't worry about it.
It's on Sean.
But don't tell him that.
last night in my room I really wanted to kiss you.
And you wanted to kiss me back.
Yes, I did.
Um So, what do we do? When I talk to my counselor about you and me I tell her that I don't want to feel like this person that, when something bad happens, goes and runs into some guy's bed.
* When the day is long * Yeah.
Um - * And the night * - And what did she say? - * And the night is yours alone * - She says that you're not some guy.
And that I should - * When you're sure you've had enough * - do what feels right.
- * Of this life * - And I tell her that what would feel right would be - * Well, hang on * - to go slowly with you.
Yeah, slow is good.
- * Don't let yourself go * - Are you sure? Yeah.
*'Cause everybody cries * * And everybody hurts * * Sometimes * R.
And Noel: * And everybody hurts * * Sometimes * * So hold on * * Hold on * - * Hold on * - Elena: Noel? * Hold on * - * Hold on * - Noel! What are you doing? - What are you doing? - What does it look like I'm doing? * Hold on * You're the resident advisor, and I need you to advise.
Does this look all right? Okay.
I came by here to get some help, but clearly you need it more than I do.
What I need is a dark room with really depressing music playing.
And Noel: * Everybody hurts * If you want my opinion, You're obsessed with the idea that she's obsessed.
Felicity came by my room last night and told me what happened.
- * Everybody hurts * - Mmm, super.
Makes it easier, doesn't it? - * Sometimes * - What? Telling yourself that she'd rather be with Ben than you.
That way you don't actually have to have a relationship with her.
You can just fixate on the two of them instead of the two of you.
Just so you know, um - * Hold on * - you're really beginning to get on my nerves.
- * Hold on * - Fine! I'll leave you to wallow in your self-pity.
I'm not wallowing.
* Hold on * - * Hold on * - Okay.
All right, fine.
So maybe I'm wallowing.
But a good wallow never hurt anybody.
- * Hold on * - Maybe.
- * Everybody hurts * - But it's really unattractive And in this case, totally unnecessary.
Thank you.
No problem.
Now, honestly What do you think of this skirt? Blair: It' not a skirt.
It's not? It's for your hair.
I'm wearing a headband as a skirt? Why didn't you just ask me what it was? I- I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
A- And now I'm standing in the cafeteria - with a headband around my ass.
- Excuse me.
- You know not many people could pull that off.
so, Noel told me.
I'm sorry.
I know that I should have been the one to tell you.
I just I don't know l-I thought that you would Freak out? Well, um, I mean, I'm not going to.
I've been holding onto this this stupid crush for so long that I think I was scared to let go of it You know, like, if I did, if I admitted that Ben and I were never gonna get together, that somehow it would put everything into question like, without that possibility, I had nothing.
That is so not true.
No, of course it isn't.
I mean, I have I have tons.
Just time to start enjoying some of it.
I mean, liking someone' supposed to make your life better, not worse.
Oh, we were just, um Talking about you behind your back, actually.
How badly did I do? Sit here.
Uh, Julie will fill you in.
What? No, I'll I'll go sit over there.
No, there's something that I have to go do really.
Um take notes for me.
Noel Oh, good, you're here.
I've been I've been thinking about this all day, and my plan was to come to you and apologize for walking out last night and overreacting, but I realized this is a big deal.
You know, we do this, and and everything changes, so so it's gotta be for the right reasons, which are that this is something you want to do with me you know, not something you want to do 'cause everyone else is doing it.
But if we cross that bridge now, it'd be a mistake.
Not hey, not that it wouldn't be great during, but afterwards You're right.
- I am? - Yeah.
I mean, I just I just wanted to get sex over with so that I could feel like I was part of the human race, and that's just it's stupid.
- I can't believe I just did that.
- What? I can't believe I just talked myself out of having sex with you.
- What am I, insane? - No, you're right.
- No, no! Hey, can't we can't we just have sex? Noel Right, so you're saying no.
I'm saying no.
To me or, um or to sex? Not to you.
I want to be with you.
That's good.
I think it is.
And I understand about Ben.
You know, h-he was kind of like a bad habit, and those are difficult to get rid of.
But my feeling is that after a little while with me, it'll be a cinch.
- What? - Nothing.
Just you're my first boyfriend.
Sally: Dear Felicity, I can't stop thinking about your last tape and how you must be feeling all that anticipation and uncertainty all that wondering what it' gonna be like.
My first time, I was a freshman at Brown.
I met this guy at a party.
I'm not sorry about that night.
It' just, I now know something I didn't know then that our best decisions, the ones that we never regret, come from listening to ourselves, which is exactly what you've done and why no matter what you decide, you should feel very proud.