Five Bedrooms (2019) s01e07 Episode Script
Four Meats
- [Narrator] Previously
on "Five Bedrooms."
- I don't know, there's
life here and confusion
and maybe I should
pack it all in
and do something like this.
- [Harry] That's Ben's daughter.
- I should have been
around and I wasn't.
But I'm here now.
I want to be in her life.
- Look after yourself
once in a while, you know?
Just do what you want to do.
- Okay, well, I tried that
and that was having
sex with Ben.
- [Guests] Surprise!
- [Heather] Ains, you have
every right to be angry.
- This whole situation
is just so humiliating.
- Ainsley's got
the hots for you.
You casting your
spell on Harry, too?
- No!
Why would Harry be looking
at anyone anyway, you know?
He's so in love with Pete.
- You know me better
than anyone, Mum.
I'm still the same person.
- I don't think so.
- Ains?
Are you okay?
["Whatever Helps You
Sleep" by Alexander Biggs]
- [Ben] There's no
getting around it.
Made a bit of chaos in my life.
Ah!
Maybe more than my fair share.
My old man used to say,
"Benny, everything you
touch turns to shit."
He's not being a prick about
it, just telling the truth.
And when she's happy
and got what she needs ♪
But this house was meant
to be the turning point,
the start of the upward climb.
But four months in, things weren't too flash.
Hazza was always at his
mum's, looking after her
and having to deal with the
fallout of me outing him.
Ains was barely coming home.
No one knew where
she was sleeping.
She and Heather had
fallen apart and yeah,
I was a bit of a
factor there, too.
Pretty sure things were
still okay with Lizzy.
- Ben?
Are you using a towel at all?
It's just that the spread
of the water on the walls
and floor, it's like you're
just shaking yourself dry.
- It was looking
more and more like
the common denominator
in all the chaos was me.
["Whatever Helps You
Sleep" by Alexander Biggs]
[ringtone chiming]
Beck.
- [Rebecca] Ben.
Where are you? Are you at work?
- No, why?
Is Mia okay?
- Yeah, she's fine.
I mean, she's not fine, but
she's not in any danger.
She's just saying she feels sick
and needs to come
home from camp.
- Yeah, that was
this week, yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah, and I'm in
Sydney until tomorrow.
I'm trying to rearrange
my flight, but--
- You need me to go get her?
- [Rebecca] Yeah, if you
could just pick her up?
- Yes, of course I can.
I'll leave right now.
- Well, if you could just
get there for lunchtime
and then drive her
home, to my home,
and then Richard can be there.
- Or she could stay
at mine tonight.
- It's fine,
this is the last day
of the conference.
I'm gonna be home tomorrow.
- No, no, seriously.
I mean, what kind
of sick is she?
- Well, actually, I don't
even know if she's that sick.
I think there's
something else going on.
I don't know.
She's not talking to me.
- Beck, please just
give me a shot.
- [sighs] Ben, I just don't
know if we're there yet.
You know, after last time.
- That was three
years ago, though.
I promise you, no
indoor stunts, no darts.
[Beck sighs]
- Do you need to run
it by your housemates?
- [Ben] I did more
than run it by 'em.
I decided to put on a dinner.
It was ambitious, trying
to get my daughter back,
get the house back on
track all at the same time,
but I genuinely
thought the two things
might feed off each other.
Yeah, might have been a couple
of holes in that theory.
[upbeat music]
- [Woman] It's a shame
you didn't get to stay
for the final night.
You would've had fun.
Is that your Dad?
- [Mia] Yeah.
- Hi.
I'm Angela.
You must be Ben.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.
- Where's Mum?
- She's still in Sydney, mate.
How are you feeling?
Is it your tummy or your throat?
- Both.
- It was a bit of a rough night.
There were some difficulties with some of the other girls.
We've already organized
a session with our
pastoral care liaison
for next week.
- [Ben] What's that?
- [Angela] Oh, the
school counselor.
- [Ben] Right, thank you
for looking after her.
All right, so, how
sick are we talking?
Is chocolate off the table or a swim in the pool?
Pool's ready to go.
- But I thought you were
just driving me home.
- No.
For a sleepover.
At the old man's.
[car doors banging shut]
You know, Harry's
gonna be there.
You remember him?
And Heather, you loved Heather.
- She was scary.
- No, she's lovely.
They all are.
- You know, I just
want to go home.
- Mate, it's gonna
be so much fun.
[motor revving]
So tell me about camp.
What'd you get up to?
[motor rumbling]
- Nothing.
[melancholy music]
- That's all right.
[food sizzling]
[Ben laughs]
- Hi.
Uh, I played hardball.
They're all coming.
Harry's gonna be
a little bit late.
- Oh, good on you, Lizzy.
Hey, uh, really glad you came.
- Where's Mia?
- She's just in my
room, resting up.
- Well, I've given up overtime to schmooze the kid.
Produce the kid.
- Well, before I bring
her out, quick heads up,
I have talked you
all up a fair bit.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- Heather, I'm sorry I
didn't run it by you first,
but I told her you
were into makeovers.
- [Heather] I'm
shit-ass at makeovers.
- Excellent.
I told her Harry knows
all about the pop songs,
Ains is into dancing
and Lizzy, uh,
I told her you had
very expensive sheets.
- Well, for future reference,
I'm also excellent at
makeovers and dancing.
- Yeah.
God, that smells good.
Um, I'll just grab her.
Ains!
Ains, how are ya?
- Hello.
- [Lizzy] Hey.
- [Ainsley] Hey.
- Good to know
you're still alive.
- Is it?
- Did you listen to my messages?
- Yeah.
- [Heather] Right.
So you're still punishing me.
- I might just get changed.
- Ains.
This is killing me.
I'm sorry I hurt you,
but I didn't lie.
- You might not have
lied, Heath, but--
- Look, I was gutless.
I should have found
a way to tell you.
But you withheld
stuff from me, too.
- Oh, so it's my
fault now, is it?
- That's not what I'm say--
- Ah!
Poor little Mia's
feeling a bit crook,
so we might just have
dinner in my room.
- What kind of crook?
- I don't know, it's just
I don't think she really is.
I think something happened
at camp with her friends.
- Liz said she was desperate
to hang out with us.
- Oh, she is!
A hundred percent she
is, she's just um,
I reckon
I'll just, I'll have
another crack at it.
Hang on.
[gentle music]
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Liz and Ains are here.
They're really
excited to meet you.
- Still not feeling well.
- You're tucking into
that paella pretty hard
for someone who's crook.
Mia, you know, when
things were getting a bit
rough for me at school,
I used to pull sickies.
- Do you think I'm lying?
- No, no, no, no.
No.
But if there is something
going on with your friends
or whatever
- You sound just like Mum.
- How's that?
- She expects me to tell
her everything I do,
but she never tells me anything.
- Oh, mate, I just
want to help you.
I wanna tell you whatever
you want to know.
- Did you go to jail?
- Did I, what's that?
- Did you?
- Um, might be a conversation
for when you're a bit older.
[gentle music]
- I'm not hungry.
[gentle music]
[door bangs shut]
- [Ben] Hazza, you legend, mate.
Thanks for coming.
- Sorry.
So sorry, it takes forever
to get out of the house.
- It's all right, the
paella's still warm.
- Thanks.
I can't stay long,
unfortunately.
- Oh, well, tuck in, mate,
you're a growing lad.
[Ben laughs]
How's your mum?
- Erm, in terms of her
physical recovery or
her psychological stroke
in response to my gaydom?
- Both.
- Either.
- Seriously, though, is um,
is she getting any better
with the gay stuff?
- I wouldn't say that, no.
There've been a few stages.
Stage one, she developed a plan.
- It can work, Harpreet
- I don't want a
marriage of convenience.
- Your father and
I were not intimate
for the last five
years of his life.
- He had Parkinson's.
- Yes, and I handled that,
as your wife can
handle your condition.
- [Harry] Stage two,
she rewrote history.
- It's been a shock after
shock after shock for me.
First my son fails me,
then my body fails me.
- Look, hang on--
- You nearly killed me, Harpreet
- No, your stroke
was three weeks
before I told you I was gay.
- I don't think so.
- I have the hospital
admission forms to prove it.
- So now my mind fails me, too?
- [Harry] And mostly
she just cries.
[Manju crying softly]
- Mate, I'm so sorry.
I just wasn't thinking and
I still feel sick about it.
- I actually have something
I have to say to the house.
Given Mum's current situation,
I've decided that I
have to move back home.
Permanently.
I'm so sorry.
[Ben sighs]
- [Ben] It's all right.
- Well, now would be the time.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Heather's also leaving.
- What?
- That feel good?
You happy now?
- What?
[stammering] Where
are you going?
- I'm gonna do some traveling.
Um, I'm not sure where yet.
- When did you decide this?
- Well, you know, if you'd
listen to your messages--
- I did listen to my
messages, Heather.
You didn't say
anything about leaving.
- There she is.
Didn't hear you coming
in, you little character.
Are you in stealth
mode or something?
Hey um, you remember
Harry from the hospital.
And Heather.
And this is Lizzy and Ains.
- She loves dancing,
I'm the fun one.
- What?
- My stomach hurts.
- [Heather] That's no good.
- Well, come and sit down.
- [Heather] How long
has it been hurting?
- It's not that bad.
I'm fine.
- Hey, you know what, Harry,
what you've got in
common with Mia?
Taylor Swift.
Er, you might not know
it to look at him,
but Harry's actually a,
what are the fans, the um,
T. Swift?
- Uh.
- Uh, little
Er, kitty cats, kitty cats.
- [Harry] Swifties.
[Mia retches]
- [Ben] Oh, holy
- Okay, not a problem.
[Mia sniffles]
- It's all right, darling.
Happens all the time, okay?
Uh, listen, er, think you
can make it to the toilet?
Okay, I'll take you
to the bathroom.
[Ben groans]
What are you doing?
- Well, I'm covered in vomit.
- Here, now.
- We should probably call Beck.
- Does she call you
every time Mia threw up?
- No.
- No, I didn't think so.
- I just think she'd
want to know about this.
- Why? What's she gonna do?
She's not even in the state.
This is it, mate,
this is parenting.
Welcome to the fucking jungle.
I'm sorry, darling, I
didn't mean to say that.
- [Mia] It's okay, Mum
says it all the time.
- Would've been nice
to have been told
before the rest of the house.
- I knew you'd just try
and talk me out of it.
- Correct, because we came
in here as a team, Harry.
I'm only here because of you.
- You needed a place
more than I did.
- Can't you hire nurses?
- Sometimes, yes, but she
needs around the clock care
and I can't afford that.
- Really?
- Yes, because I'm
bailing you out.
- I need a bucket or
a bowl or something,
she's copping it from both ends.
- Hey, no, that's
my slow cooker!
- [Ben] Eh?
- Here.
- Cheers.
Here.
- Okay, this might be
psychosomatic, but,
I think I might have
a bit of a situation.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Just gonna pop upstairs
to Heather's en suite.
[Ainsley farts]
- How are you feeling?
- Touch wood.
You?
[playful music]
[Ainsley exclaiming]
[playful music]
- Ugh, gosh.
It's all right, you uh,
you just get it all out.
I'm right here.
I'm in there with you.
Not, not in there,
not in a weird way.
I'm just, I'm with you.
I'm near.
[toilet flushes]
Heather.
I get that you and
me are a no-go zone
in the romance department.
But even if we
can't be together,
I still want you in my life.
I still want this
house to stay together.
So if you're moving
out 'cause of me--
- It's not 'cause of you.
It's just something
I have to do.
- So, is there a
version of your life
with me in it at all?
[Harry heaving]
- Just so you know,
Ainsley is down.
And by down I mean in your
en suite with diarrhea.
I'm also starting to
feel uncomfortable.
And I don't want to
cast aspersions over
the quality of your paella,
but is there a connection here?
- Mate, I've been eating
it all day and I'm fine.
- Well, are you not
feeling anything?
- I don't get sick.
- Well, I can't speak for Ains,
but I reckon Mia's just sick
with whatever this bug was
she brought back from camp.
Oh, hey.
How are you, mate?
- I wasn't actually
sick on camp.
I just wanted to go home.
My friends locked
me out of the cabin.
- Oh, that's all right.
Hey, that's all right.
- Hey, if she's done, can I--
[door thuds shut]
- They're bonding.
- Do they have to
do it in there?
- Use mine.
[Harry sighs]
[playful music]
- Oh, Ains, I'm gonna
need you to step aside.
- [Ainsley] Don't come up here!
- My situation has
suddenly become critical.
- [Ainsley] I am unable
to vacate this place.
- [Heather] Use the laundry.
- What do you mean, the laundry?
- The sink.
- [Ainsley] Please, stay back.
- Oh, my God. [exhales]
- No, wait!
I'm soaking every white gown
that I own in that sink.
- Oh, I'm so sorry,
Liz, I have to.
- Harry, please.
No.
No!
- [Harry] I can't, I'm sorry.
- No!
- [Harry] I'm sorry.
Ah!
Ah!
- Oh, dear God.
- [Harry] Oh, my God.
- Oh.
- [Harry] I'm so sorry, Liz.
I will reimburse you.
- So was it just
the three of you or,
wait, how many other
kids were in the cabin?
- Doesn't matter.
- Yeah, it does.
Was it just a camp thing or
has it been going on at school?
Mate, I know it's hard
to talk about this stuff.
- What's the point?
You don't even know
any of my friends.
- Yeah, I do. Jupiter.
- Juniper.
- Juniper.
Well, I want to, Mia.
I just, I want you to
tell me everything.
- If I tell you about camp
will you tell me about jail?
[Ben sighs]
[mobile chiming]
- Where are you?
You said you wouldn't be long.
- I know that and I'm sorry,
but we've been hit with a bout
of very sudden and
explosive food poisoning.
- Harpreet, I don't
like to be lied to.
- Oh, I wish I was lying.
Three of us have come down
with it and it is not pretty.
- Is Ains still upstairs?
- [Harry] Yeah.
- Mia's downstairs, okay.
Ugh!
Okay, I'm gonna
have to ask you all
to give the zen garden a
wide berth for a minute.
- Four. Four of us now.
- How will I get to bed now?
- I'm sorry, you're
going to have to wait.
As soon as I can move
without soiling myself,
I will be home.
- Perhaps you will.
Or perhaps you will just
be enjoying your time
with your gentleman lover.
- Oh Mum, I'm not with
a gentleman lover.
- [Manju] Ah, how
would I know that?
- Because I just told you.
Mum. [sighs]
[Harry exhales]
[keys jangling]
[Harry exhales]
- What are you doing?
- I have to go back to Mum's.
- No, no, no, no, I'll go.
I'll take the car,
I'll take care of her.
You just sit back down.
[keys jangling]
- Oh, no, no, no.
Mm.
- Or just stay where you are.
[Harry exhales]
[gentle music]
- Oh, my God.
[stomach rumbling]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh! [exhales]]
Mm.
Okay.
Mm.
Manju?
It's Liz.
- [Lad On TV] Most families
go away to the beach
for a weekend without
this much fuss.
- [Man On TV] He's
just finished packing.
- [Liz] Manju?
It's Liz!
Harry's not fit to travel,
so I've come to help
and I'm in quite
desperate need myself.
Can you please tell
me you can hear me?
- Elizabeth?
Where's my son?
- Oh!
He's, I've left him at
the house, he's not well,
but I'm also in very real need.
Could you please let me inside
so I could use your bathroom?
- [groans] Just a moment.
- Ah!
- Coming.
[Liz exhales]
- I have keys.
I've got keys!
I've got Harry's keys.
Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
[keys jangling]
Ah!
[keys jangling]
[Liz moans]
- I need to know, is
he with his male lover?
- Manju, I'm so sorry.
[door bangs shut]
Oh, what the fuck?
Don't come in here, please!
Don't come in here.
[stomach rumbling]
Oh!
Oh.
- [Heather] How's she feeling?
- [Ben] Oh, she
just fell asleep.
[Ben sighs]
- Whoa, the movement!
- Oh, sorry, Ains, sorry.
[Ben sighs]
- Oi.
What's up?
- Uh
Mia's getting bullied at school.
Yeah, I found out
what happened at camp.
Her mates ganged up on her,
locked her out in the
middle of the night
for a couple of hours,
laughed at her.
And they're the only friends
she's got in the entire school.
Anyway, I had no idea
what to tell her.
- Cut yourself some slack, mate.
She opened up to
you, that's huge.
- We made a deal.
I said um, I said if she
told me about school,
I'd tell her about
my time in jail.
- Why'd you say that?
- Oh, it doesn't
matter, actually.
She passed out before I had to.
She'll probably just forget.
- She's not gonna forget that.
That's the first
thought she's gonna have
the minute she wakes up.
[Ben sighs]
- Great.
[stammers] So, what am
I supposed to tell her?
- What, about jail?
- No, about being bullied.
- I was bullied at school.
- Me, too.
- To be fair, I was
a very easy target.
I was painfully shy
and I played the tuba
and in Grade 6 I
grew boobs overnight.
Literally.
Just woke up one
morning with these.
- Look, it's not a
competition, but if it was--
- Oh, I've got more.
- I was one of only three
Indian kids in the entire school
and I had these
lovely long limbs
and throw in the
gay factor as well--
- Okay, I'll pay that
and I'll raise you.
This nose.
The '80s?
Kids used to say it was
like I had a third arm
in the middle of my face.
1984, 15 kids at a sleepover
playing spin the bottle.
Bottle lands on
me a dozen times.
Not one boy would kiss me.
- That's horrible.
- I think it's a draw.
- Yeah, but see, how are you
supposed to arm your kids
against that kinda shit?
- You can't.
Not completely.
- I just used to focus on
the things that I loved.
Books, rom-coms, sugar.
- Maybe tell her
terrible teen years
generally means your 20s
are gonna be a bit
Actually, my 20s were
also pretty shit.
- Look, basically, if
you peak in high school
you're fucked for the
rest of your life.
Look at Colin.
- Right, you know what?
We gotta get Lizzy in on this.
She was bullied
horribly at school.
- Oh, bullshit.
If she wasn't a mean girl
I'll go he for Tiggy.
- No, no, she was
a massive nerd.
She was crucified.
- Really?
[Ainsley laughs]
Lizzy?
- Mm.
- To think someone like that
Um, not that, I mean,
you've all obviously
just nailed it, but
um, like, Lizzy?
[line ringing]
- [Liz] Hello?
- Liz, you're on speaker.
We're sharing school
bullying stories.
- That fucking paella.
Sorry, Manju.
Has destroyed a
$600 pair of pants.
- Ah!
- And my dignity. [retches]
- Do not be self conscious.
I have seen many naked bodies.
You're very well maintained.
I only wish Harpreet
could understand
what he's missing out on.
[knocking on door]
[Lachlan sighs]
- Heather.
It's great to see you.
- What are you doing here?
- Ains texted me.
Look, she told me not to come,
but I just had to be here
in the spirit of
love and healing
and I bought
Gastrolyte and immodium
and every kind of disposable
wipe known to man.
- Of course.
She's been with you
these past few weeks.
- May I come in?
- You hungry?
There's some ripping
paella on the stove.
- Uh, I'm good, thanks.
[knocks on door]
Ainsley, can I come in, please?
- [Ainsley] No!
No, no, no, it's
not nice in here.
- [sighs] Honestly,
I couldn't care less.
Being in love isn't always
about cheeky showers
and adorable selfies.
Sometimes it involves
flushable wipes.
- You can't flush 'em.
- They're flushable.
- No, they're not.
- Oh, so it's just
lying on the packaging?
- Yep.
- Okay, great, thanks.
- [Ainsley] Just, okay, wait.
- How's your wife?
[Lachlan sighs]
- I'm not sure.
We haven't been in
communication in over a month.
How's your husband?
- Ains, I know this whole
situation with you-know-who
was hard on you--
- Who?
- And I'm sorry for
my part in that.
- Guys--
- But if you think this
is a good rebound--
- Heather!
- What rebound?
- Nothing.
She's delusional.
[gentle music]
- What's this about a rebound?
- Lachlan, you know I've
been in love with you
for the past five years.
Okay?
Everyone else has
been a rebound.
From you.
Don't worry about
what Heather says.
[birds calling]
[telephone ringing]
- [Liz] Hello?
- Elizabeth, is that you?
- Oh.
Oh, Edwina, hi.
- Hi.
Uh, look, sorry for
calling on the weekend.
- Oh, no, that's fine.
- Is there any chance we
could meet for breakfast?
- Um
Actually, tomorrow would
be a better fit for me.
- Um, yeah, look, it's actually
a matter of some urgency.
- Uh.
How about late afternoon?
Um, preferably somewhere
well ventilated.
- [TV Host] With just one look--
- Manju?
Are you sure that there's
nothing of Harry's
that I could wear or
maybe Harry's dad's?
- No.
He was very fat.
He was very, very fat.
- I'm just, erm, a
little bit concerned
about cultural appropriation.
- [laughs] I can't
understand your legal jargon,
I really can't.
Ah!
That's not quite your color,
but the shape is
very flattering.
Your clothes.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Elizabeth, can I
ask you a question?
- Of course.
- Have a seat.
I've made a cup of tea for you.
Please, sit down.
Have you at any point
imagined yourself
marrying my son?
- No.
No.
- It's not ideal, I know,
but you and Harpreet
are very close
and if he has a wife,
even an old white wife,
it'll make things much
easier for everyone.
- I'm sorry, Manju, I
don't think that's true.
- Harpreet does not
know what he wants.
- I think he does.
- The moment he was born,
I've been planning his future.
You're not a mother,
you don't know.
- No, I'm not.
But I really love your son.
And for the first
time in his life,
he's really living.
Manju, if you just could have
seen him and Pete together.
He was so happy--
- Don't put images in my head.
- I know it's an adjustment.
- Thanks for dropping by.
Don't return the sari.
[dramatic music]
- [Ben] I don't know if
it just comes naturally
to some people, what
to say to your kid,
what's gonna help 'em.
'Cause even after a whole
night thinking about it,
I had no idea.
How are you feeling?
- Bit better.
- You're a tough little bugger.
A lot tougher than you think.
- Tell me about jail.
- Mia
I get why you're
interested, but I
- Why'd you go there?
[Ben sighs]
Did you kill someone?
- What?
- [Mia] Did you steal something?
- No, I
Look.
The details aren't important.
- They are to me.
I want to know what you did.
[Ben sighs]
- Yeah, all right.
I didn't do anything violent
and I didn't steal anything.
There's this plant, right?
This special plant and
I don't know, look,
the bottom line is,
my mates and I were doing
stuff we shouldn't have been
and one of my mates,
Burkie, was on probation.
So when the coppers showed up,
I pretended it was all mine.
- You took the blame?
- I broke the law.
- For your friend?
- Mate,
I broke the law.
- Was jail scary?
- Yeah, it was, it's horrible.
It was the worst
year of my life.
Not being able to see you.
But I'm through it now.
The same way you're gonna
get through all this crap.
And you know what, I was
talking to the others
and they all went through
horrible stuff, too.
- They went to jail?
- No, they just got bullied.
Like really, really
badly bullied at school.
And they all said
the same thing,
no matter how bad
it gets, it'll pass.
You've just got to focus
on the stuff that you love
and talk to people.
And know that you're not alone.
- Did you have to join a gang?
- Oh.
Hi.
Rebecca, hi.
It's lovely to see you.
- It's ah, Liz, isn't it?
- It is.
I'm basically in disguise,
so well done. [chuckles]
How's Mia feeling?
- What do you mean?
- Oh, nothing.
I mean, not nothing, um,
just, we were all um,
quite under the weather
last night, but I'm,
I'm sure she's
probably fine now.
- Right. [clears throat]
- Yes, let's. [laughs]
Okay.
- I'd say it was a parasite,
but Pathology can
turn it around today.
- Um, that is a bloody
small container, isn't it?
- [Harry] Yeah, you
just scoop a little bit.
- You have to
scoop your own poo?
- [Harry] That's right.
- Becca!
- What happened?
- [Ben] Oh, we got a bit
crook, didn't we, mate?
- Oh, my God.
- I know, I know.
- [Rebecca] What kind of crook?
- I was throwing up and
pooing at the same time.
- Well, the whole
house was, to be fair.
How was your trip?
- Mia, go get your bag, please.
- But I want to do a poo sample.
- Mia.
- Go on, mate, it's all right.
- Thanks for having me.
- No worries.
- Anytime.
- I specifically
asked you to call me
if anything went wrong.
- Oh, I'm sorry,
that was my fault.
- This is just between
me and her father.
- Look, I just wanted to say
that Ben wanted to call you
and um, I told him not to.
- Why would you do that?
- Because seriously,
everything was fine.
Mia even opened up to me about
camp and the other kids--
- While she was violently ill?
You know what, I'm just
gonna get her home.
We can talk about this later.
- Hey.
Mum, you shouldn't
be mean to Heather.
- Oh, I'm not being
mean, sweetheart.
I was just pointing out that
you are not her concern.
- Well, she's Dad's
girlfriend, so I kind of am.
- What
- Here, look, I'll
carry your bag.
- Oh, I've got it.
[clears throat]
Say goodbye to your dad, Mia.
- See you, mate.
- Bye, Dad, see ya.
[gentle music]
[Ben sighs]
- Thank you.
- Good morning.
- What are you doing here?
- What an excellent question.
- I er, stayed the night.
Just wanted to be
here for Ainsley.
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, seriously, I'm um,
I'm so sorry.
- For what?
- Well, I just
completely misread that.
- Nah, it's not your fault.
- I just, sorry, seeing
as everyone's here,
is it all right if
I say something?
- Probably not.
- Just say it.
- Er, last night Ainsley
told me about you, Heather,
moving on.
Which I think is
a beautiful idea
for the group collectively
and also for you
personally. [chuckles]
But obviously, you're
gonna need someone
to rent out your room and
we were thinking maybe
that person could be me.
- Absolutely not.
- You won't even be here.
You'll be overseas.
- Fine, then I won't go.
- No.
- [Ben] Yes!
- It could be a nice full
circle for us, Heather.
I mean, given that
you only moved in
because I had to step away.
- You didn't step away,
you were expelled.
- Okay, well this is
really more of a decision
for the rest of us, Heather.
- He'd be renting my room.
- Okay, see, now you're
just being spiteful.
This is what you do.
You tell yourself you're
caring for people,
but actually you're
just punishing them.
- Well, I'm sorry that
you feel that way,
but it's not happening.
- Fine, then I'll move out.
[all bickering]
- All right, I propose
we take a step back.
Okay, this is not a conversation
that we need to have
in front of Lachlan.
I suggest that we all
ruminate and then at say,
five p.m. we all go to
the house message thread
and offer a simple yes or no,
are we happy for Lachlan
to replace Heather?
- Could I--
- No, I think you've
made your point.
Lachlan or no
Lachlan, yes or no.
Five p.m.
[pop music playing]
- Hi.
- Ah.
- I am so sorry to do this.
- Oh, not at all.
- Oh, God, you are so thin.
What are you doing?
- Oh, um, Bikram.
What's happening?
Are you all right?
- Yeah, look, no.
Things aren't great.
In fact, things are
borderline horrific.
Sebastian and I are divorcing.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- It's already a nightmare.
He wants to cut me
out of the estate.
He intends to claim infidelity.
Liz, I wanted to see
you face to face because
I don't know if you recall
my little indiscretion
in your commune?
- Oh.
Just a vague memory.
Yes.
- Might I ask, have you
mentioned that to anyone?
- Of course not.
- Oh, thank God.
Oh, Sebastian's gone
with Kane and Macavity
and they are really digging
and a detail like that, well.
I would very much appreciate it
if you could keep
it to yourself.
- I have.
- And continue to
keep it to yourself.
- I will.
- Thank you.
- I understand.
And of course, if
I were your lawyer,
I couldn't possibly mention it.
To anyone.
Lawyer-client privilege.
- Sorry?
- Edwina, let me represent you.
You know I'm the best,
the most thorough,
the most committed.
- But you can't practice.
- I can.
As long as my employer consents.
- Are you blackmailing me?
- You need to save your estate.
I need--
[stomach rumbles]
- You all right?
- I'm tough.
I'm desperate and I will
leave no stone unturned.
- Cameron's already
agreed to represent me.
- Forget Cameron.
I
Will commit every waking hour
24/7 for as long as it takes.
You know I will.
- Do I have an option?
- Not really.
- This is a bit weird.
Feels like we're
doing a drug deal.
- You told her you went to jail.
- No.
No, she knew.
[Rebecca scoffs]
She did, Beck.
- You talked to her about drugs?
- Well, I didn't
want to lie to her.
It was so hard
dancing around it.
She's so smart--
- Tell me about it!
I have had to dance
around it every day
for the last two years, Ben,
and then you just blow
in and drop it on her
just like that?
- Well, no, it wasn't
just like that.
I mean, I swear to God,
I didn't even tell her
which type of drugs it was--
- Oh, she's 12 years old, Ben.
And you told her that normal
people like her own father
get involved with drugs.
Also
If you're in a
relationship with someone,
then that is great, but
you just need to tell me
so that I can be--
- Well, I'm not. I'm not.
- Well, she said you were
together with Heather--
- Well, she might
have said that, but,
I mean, I was for a
little bit, but I,
honestly, I have no idea
how she found that out.
I didn't tell her.
[Rebecca scoffs]
Fuck!
- [sighs] I want you
in her life, Ben.
I have always wanted that.
- I know.
- But it has to be
in an environment
that you can control and
not in a share house
with four other people.
- Well, Beck, you've
just, you've gotta
Fuck.
["Boxing Day" by Rabbit Island]
I had no idea what
to do with myself,
so I just cruised around
the park for a bit.
Ended up doing about 18 laps
before I got my head sorted out.
And when five p.m.
finally rolled around,
decision time,
I found myself out the
front, staring at the house
and my phone.
I genuinely shocked myself
with what I ended
up putting down.
"Bit of a change of
heart for me, turns out.
"RE: Lachlan, I'm
not a yes or a no.
"I actually vote we sell.
"We sell the house.
"ASAP."
And I'm a liar
through my tears ♪
I am a liar
through your fears ♪
And I'm happier
Now you can feel so good
Caught me off guard how
quickly everyone agreed.
Three messages in a
minute and a half.
Everyone but Lizzy, and she
had no skin in the game anyway.
And just like that,
the whole thing was over.
- All right.
Thanks, Declan.
Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm heading back to Mum's now.
Uh, just so you know,
Pathology got back to me.
Shellfish poisoning.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Harry, uh
There's a strong chance
that I've made things worse
with your mum.
- Oh, well, it's not like you
could agree to marry me, so--
- No, it's more
than that, I uh
I talked up Pete.
Which was clearly the
wrong thing to say.
- Why would you bring up Pete?
- I was making a broader
point about acceptance.
I'm sorry.
[Harry clears throat]
- Hey, Ben.
Uh, FYI, the result
came back to me.
Prawns.
[Ben groans]
Mm.
- Paella was cursed.
- I don't think curses are real.
- Just let me call it a curse.
Otherwise it was all
my fault. [chuckles]
- Is Ains in her room?
- Probably.
- You okay?
- Not really.
- Well, just letting
you know the uh,
the results confirmed it
was shellfish poisoning.
- [sighs] Are you sure?
- Why?
- I've just been
feeling queasy all week.
- Oh, well, maybe
you have a virus.
It's probably worth
seeing your GP.
Unless you're pregnant.
[both laugh]
[playful music]
- [Announcer] Next time
on "Five Bedrooms."
- I know we're all heading
our separate ways, all right?
But I'm buggered
if I'm walking away
with any bad blood between us.
- I'm pregnant.
- Can I come and see
you for five minutes?
I have something I really
need to say to you,
face to face.
- What I'm about to tell you
will come as a bit of a shock.
- We are not dealing with
this in front of the others.
I don't want to see one flicker
or anything, especially
in front of Heather.
- What's happening, Ains?
Something's happening.
- I'm fine.
- Mr. Portelli, there is
something I need to say to you.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
- We are ready to open bidding
on this incredible family home.
[upbeat music]
on "Five Bedrooms."
- I don't know, there's
life here and confusion
and maybe I should
pack it all in
and do something like this.
- [Harry] That's Ben's daughter.
- I should have been
around and I wasn't.
But I'm here now.
I want to be in her life.
- Look after yourself
once in a while, you know?
Just do what you want to do.
- Okay, well, I tried that
and that was having
sex with Ben.
- [Guests] Surprise!
- [Heather] Ains, you have
every right to be angry.
- This whole situation
is just so humiliating.
- Ainsley's got
the hots for you.
You casting your
spell on Harry, too?
- No!
Why would Harry be looking
at anyone anyway, you know?
He's so in love with Pete.
- You know me better
than anyone, Mum.
I'm still the same person.
- I don't think so.
- Ains?
Are you okay?
["Whatever Helps You
Sleep" by Alexander Biggs]
- [Ben] There's no
getting around it.
Made a bit of chaos in my life.
Ah!
Maybe more than my fair share.
My old man used to say,
"Benny, everything you
touch turns to shit."
He's not being a prick about
it, just telling the truth.
And when she's happy
and got what she needs ♪
But this house was meant
to be the turning point,
the start of the upward climb.
But four months in, things weren't too flash.
Hazza was always at his
mum's, looking after her
and having to deal with the
fallout of me outing him.
Ains was barely coming home.
No one knew where
she was sleeping.
She and Heather had
fallen apart and yeah,
I was a bit of a
factor there, too.
Pretty sure things were
still okay with Lizzy.
- Ben?
Are you using a towel at all?
It's just that the spread
of the water on the walls
and floor, it's like you're
just shaking yourself dry.
- It was looking
more and more like
the common denominator
in all the chaos was me.
["Whatever Helps You
Sleep" by Alexander Biggs]
[ringtone chiming]
Beck.
- [Rebecca] Ben.
Where are you? Are you at work?
- No, why?
Is Mia okay?
- Yeah, she's fine.
I mean, she's not fine, but
she's not in any danger.
She's just saying she feels sick
and needs to come
home from camp.
- Yeah, that was
this week, yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah, and I'm in
Sydney until tomorrow.
I'm trying to rearrange
my flight, but--
- You need me to go get her?
- [Rebecca] Yeah, if you
could just pick her up?
- Yes, of course I can.
I'll leave right now.
- Well, if you could just
get there for lunchtime
and then drive her
home, to my home,
and then Richard can be there.
- Or she could stay
at mine tonight.
- It's fine,
this is the last day
of the conference.
I'm gonna be home tomorrow.
- No, no, seriously.
I mean, what kind
of sick is she?
- Well, actually, I don't
even know if she's that sick.
I think there's
something else going on.
I don't know.
She's not talking to me.
- Beck, please just
give me a shot.
- [sighs] Ben, I just don't
know if we're there yet.
You know, after last time.
- That was three
years ago, though.
I promise you, no
indoor stunts, no darts.
[Beck sighs]
- Do you need to run
it by your housemates?
- [Ben] I did more
than run it by 'em.
I decided to put on a dinner.
It was ambitious, trying
to get my daughter back,
get the house back on
track all at the same time,
but I genuinely
thought the two things
might feed off each other.
Yeah, might have been a couple
of holes in that theory.
[upbeat music]
- [Woman] It's a shame
you didn't get to stay
for the final night.
You would've had fun.
Is that your Dad?
- [Mia] Yeah.
- Hi.
I'm Angela.
You must be Ben.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.
- Where's Mum?
- She's still in Sydney, mate.
How are you feeling?
Is it your tummy or your throat?
- Both.
- It was a bit of a rough night.
There were some difficulties with some of the other girls.
We've already organized
a session with our
pastoral care liaison
for next week.
- [Ben] What's that?
- [Angela] Oh, the
school counselor.
- [Ben] Right, thank you
for looking after her.
All right, so, how
sick are we talking?
Is chocolate off the table or a swim in the pool?
Pool's ready to go.
- But I thought you were
just driving me home.
- No.
For a sleepover.
At the old man's.
[car doors banging shut]
You know, Harry's
gonna be there.
You remember him?
And Heather, you loved Heather.
- She was scary.
- No, she's lovely.
They all are.
- You know, I just
want to go home.
- Mate, it's gonna
be so much fun.
[motor revving]
So tell me about camp.
What'd you get up to?
[motor rumbling]
- Nothing.
[melancholy music]
- That's all right.
[food sizzling]
[Ben laughs]
- Hi.
Uh, I played hardball.
They're all coming.
Harry's gonna be
a little bit late.
- Oh, good on you, Lizzy.
Hey, uh, really glad you came.
- Where's Mia?
- She's just in my
room, resting up.
- Well, I've given up overtime to schmooze the kid.
Produce the kid.
- Well, before I bring
her out, quick heads up,
I have talked you
all up a fair bit.
- Oh. [chuckles]
- Heather, I'm sorry I
didn't run it by you first,
but I told her you
were into makeovers.
- [Heather] I'm
shit-ass at makeovers.
- Excellent.
I told her Harry knows
all about the pop songs,
Ains is into dancing
and Lizzy, uh,
I told her you had
very expensive sheets.
- Well, for future reference,
I'm also excellent at
makeovers and dancing.
- Yeah.
God, that smells good.
Um, I'll just grab her.
Ains!
Ains, how are ya?
- Hello.
- [Lizzy] Hey.
- [Ainsley] Hey.
- Good to know
you're still alive.
- Is it?
- Did you listen to my messages?
- Yeah.
- [Heather] Right.
So you're still punishing me.
- I might just get changed.
- Ains.
This is killing me.
I'm sorry I hurt you,
but I didn't lie.
- You might not have
lied, Heath, but--
- Look, I was gutless.
I should have found
a way to tell you.
But you withheld
stuff from me, too.
- Oh, so it's my
fault now, is it?
- That's not what I'm say--
- Ah!
Poor little Mia's
feeling a bit crook,
so we might just have
dinner in my room.
- What kind of crook?
- I don't know, it's just
I don't think she really is.
I think something happened
at camp with her friends.
- Liz said she was desperate
to hang out with us.
- Oh, she is!
A hundred percent she
is, she's just um,
I reckon
I'll just, I'll have
another crack at it.
Hang on.
[gentle music]
Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Liz and Ains are here.
They're really
excited to meet you.
- Still not feeling well.
- You're tucking into
that paella pretty hard
for someone who's crook.
Mia, you know, when
things were getting a bit
rough for me at school,
I used to pull sickies.
- Do you think I'm lying?
- No, no, no, no.
No.
But if there is something
going on with your friends
or whatever
- You sound just like Mum.
- How's that?
- She expects me to tell
her everything I do,
but she never tells me anything.
- Oh, mate, I just
want to help you.
I wanna tell you whatever
you want to know.
- Did you go to jail?
- Did I, what's that?
- Did you?
- Um, might be a conversation
for when you're a bit older.
[gentle music]
- I'm not hungry.
[gentle music]
[door bangs shut]
- [Ben] Hazza, you legend, mate.
Thanks for coming.
- Sorry.
So sorry, it takes forever
to get out of the house.
- It's all right, the
paella's still warm.
- Thanks.
I can't stay long,
unfortunately.
- Oh, well, tuck in, mate,
you're a growing lad.
[Ben laughs]
How's your mum?
- Erm, in terms of her
physical recovery or
her psychological stroke
in response to my gaydom?
- Both.
- Either.
- Seriously, though, is um,
is she getting any better
with the gay stuff?
- I wouldn't say that, no.
There've been a few stages.
Stage one, she developed a plan.
- It can work, Harpreet
- I don't want a
marriage of convenience.
- Your father and
I were not intimate
for the last five
years of his life.
- He had Parkinson's.
- Yes, and I handled that,
as your wife can
handle your condition.
- [Harry] Stage two,
she rewrote history.
- It's been a shock after
shock after shock for me.
First my son fails me,
then my body fails me.
- Look, hang on--
- You nearly killed me, Harpreet
- No, your stroke
was three weeks
before I told you I was gay.
- I don't think so.
- I have the hospital
admission forms to prove it.
- So now my mind fails me, too?
- [Harry] And mostly
she just cries.
[Manju crying softly]
- Mate, I'm so sorry.
I just wasn't thinking and
I still feel sick about it.
- I actually have something
I have to say to the house.
Given Mum's current situation,
I've decided that I
have to move back home.
Permanently.
I'm so sorry.
[Ben sighs]
- [Ben] It's all right.
- Well, now would be the time.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Heather's also leaving.
- What?
- That feel good?
You happy now?
- What?
[stammering] Where
are you going?
- I'm gonna do some traveling.
Um, I'm not sure where yet.
- When did you decide this?
- Well, you know, if you'd
listen to your messages--
- I did listen to my
messages, Heather.
You didn't say
anything about leaving.
- There she is.
Didn't hear you coming
in, you little character.
Are you in stealth
mode or something?
Hey um, you remember
Harry from the hospital.
And Heather.
And this is Lizzy and Ains.
- She loves dancing,
I'm the fun one.
- What?
- My stomach hurts.
- [Heather] That's no good.
- Well, come and sit down.
- [Heather] How long
has it been hurting?
- It's not that bad.
I'm fine.
- Hey, you know what, Harry,
what you've got in
common with Mia?
Taylor Swift.
Er, you might not know
it to look at him,
but Harry's actually a,
what are the fans, the um,
T. Swift?
- Uh.
- Uh, little
Er, kitty cats, kitty cats.
- [Harry] Swifties.
[Mia retches]
- [Ben] Oh, holy
- Okay, not a problem.
[Mia sniffles]
- It's all right, darling.
Happens all the time, okay?
Uh, listen, er, think you
can make it to the toilet?
Okay, I'll take you
to the bathroom.
[Ben groans]
What are you doing?
- Well, I'm covered in vomit.
- Here, now.
- We should probably call Beck.
- Does she call you
every time Mia threw up?
- No.
- No, I didn't think so.
- I just think she'd
want to know about this.
- Why? What's she gonna do?
She's not even in the state.
This is it, mate,
this is parenting.
Welcome to the fucking jungle.
I'm sorry, darling, I
didn't mean to say that.
- [Mia] It's okay, Mum
says it all the time.
- Would've been nice
to have been told
before the rest of the house.
- I knew you'd just try
and talk me out of it.
- Correct, because we came
in here as a team, Harry.
I'm only here because of you.
- You needed a place
more than I did.
- Can't you hire nurses?
- Sometimes, yes, but she
needs around the clock care
and I can't afford that.
- Really?
- Yes, because I'm
bailing you out.
- I need a bucket or
a bowl or something,
she's copping it from both ends.
- Hey, no, that's
my slow cooker!
- [Ben] Eh?
- Here.
- Cheers.
Here.
- Okay, this might be
psychosomatic, but,
I think I might have
a bit of a situation.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Just gonna pop upstairs
to Heather's en suite.
[Ainsley farts]
- How are you feeling?
- Touch wood.
You?
[playful music]
[Ainsley exclaiming]
[playful music]
- Ugh, gosh.
It's all right, you uh,
you just get it all out.
I'm right here.
I'm in there with you.
Not, not in there,
not in a weird way.
I'm just, I'm with you.
I'm near.
[toilet flushes]
Heather.
I get that you and
me are a no-go zone
in the romance department.
But even if we
can't be together,
I still want you in my life.
I still want this
house to stay together.
So if you're moving
out 'cause of me--
- It's not 'cause of you.
It's just something
I have to do.
- So, is there a
version of your life
with me in it at all?
[Harry heaving]
- Just so you know,
Ainsley is down.
And by down I mean in your
en suite with diarrhea.
I'm also starting to
feel uncomfortable.
And I don't want to
cast aspersions over
the quality of your paella,
but is there a connection here?
- Mate, I've been eating
it all day and I'm fine.
- Well, are you not
feeling anything?
- I don't get sick.
- Well, I can't speak for Ains,
but I reckon Mia's just sick
with whatever this bug was
she brought back from camp.
Oh, hey.
How are you, mate?
- I wasn't actually
sick on camp.
I just wanted to go home.
My friends locked
me out of the cabin.
- Oh, that's all right.
Hey, that's all right.
- Hey, if she's done, can I--
[door thuds shut]
- They're bonding.
- Do they have to
do it in there?
- Use mine.
[Harry sighs]
[playful music]
- Oh, Ains, I'm gonna
need you to step aside.
- [Ainsley] Don't come up here!
- My situation has
suddenly become critical.
- [Ainsley] I am unable
to vacate this place.
- [Heather] Use the laundry.
- What do you mean, the laundry?
- The sink.
- [Ainsley] Please, stay back.
- Oh, my God. [exhales]
- No, wait!
I'm soaking every white gown
that I own in that sink.
- Oh, I'm so sorry,
Liz, I have to.
- Harry, please.
No.
No!
- [Harry] I can't, I'm sorry.
- No!
- [Harry] I'm sorry.
Ah!
Ah!
- Oh, dear God.
- [Harry] Oh, my God.
- Oh.
- [Harry] I'm so sorry, Liz.
I will reimburse you.
- So was it just
the three of you or,
wait, how many other
kids were in the cabin?
- Doesn't matter.
- Yeah, it does.
Was it just a camp thing or
has it been going on at school?
Mate, I know it's hard
to talk about this stuff.
- What's the point?
You don't even know
any of my friends.
- Yeah, I do. Jupiter.
- Juniper.
- Juniper.
Well, I want to, Mia.
I just, I want you to
tell me everything.
- If I tell you about camp
will you tell me about jail?
[Ben sighs]
[mobile chiming]
- Where are you?
You said you wouldn't be long.
- I know that and I'm sorry,
but we've been hit with a bout
of very sudden and
explosive food poisoning.
- Harpreet, I don't
like to be lied to.
- Oh, I wish I was lying.
Three of us have come down
with it and it is not pretty.
- Is Ains still upstairs?
- [Harry] Yeah.
- Mia's downstairs, okay.
Ugh!
Okay, I'm gonna
have to ask you all
to give the zen garden a
wide berth for a minute.
- Four. Four of us now.
- How will I get to bed now?
- I'm sorry, you're
going to have to wait.
As soon as I can move
without soiling myself,
I will be home.
- Perhaps you will.
Or perhaps you will just
be enjoying your time
with your gentleman lover.
- Oh Mum, I'm not with
a gentleman lover.
- [Manju] Ah, how
would I know that?
- Because I just told you.
Mum. [sighs]
[Harry exhales]
[keys jangling]
[Harry exhales]
- What are you doing?
- I have to go back to Mum's.
- No, no, no, no, I'll go.
I'll take the car,
I'll take care of her.
You just sit back down.
[keys jangling]
- Oh, no, no, no.
Mm.
- Or just stay where you are.
[Harry exhales]
[gentle music]
- Oh, my God.
[stomach rumbling]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh! [exhales]]
Mm.
Okay.
Mm.
Manju?
It's Liz.
- [Lad On TV] Most families
go away to the beach
for a weekend without
this much fuss.
- [Man On TV] He's
just finished packing.
- [Liz] Manju?
It's Liz!
Harry's not fit to travel,
so I've come to help
and I'm in quite
desperate need myself.
Can you please tell
me you can hear me?
- Elizabeth?
Where's my son?
- Oh!
He's, I've left him at
the house, he's not well,
but I'm also in very real need.
Could you please let me inside
so I could use your bathroom?
- [groans] Just a moment.
- Ah!
- Coming.
[Liz exhales]
- I have keys.
I've got keys!
I've got Harry's keys.
Okay.
Ah!
Ah!
[keys jangling]
Ah!
[keys jangling]
[Liz moans]
- I need to know, is
he with his male lover?
- Manju, I'm so sorry.
[door bangs shut]
Oh, what the fuck?
Don't come in here, please!
Don't come in here.
[stomach rumbling]
Oh!
Oh.
- [Heather] How's she feeling?
- [Ben] Oh, she
just fell asleep.
[Ben sighs]
- Whoa, the movement!
- Oh, sorry, Ains, sorry.
[Ben sighs]
- Oi.
What's up?
- Uh
Mia's getting bullied at school.
Yeah, I found out
what happened at camp.
Her mates ganged up on her,
locked her out in the
middle of the night
for a couple of hours,
laughed at her.
And they're the only friends
she's got in the entire school.
Anyway, I had no idea
what to tell her.
- Cut yourself some slack, mate.
She opened up to
you, that's huge.
- We made a deal.
I said um, I said if she
told me about school,
I'd tell her about
my time in jail.
- Why'd you say that?
- Oh, it doesn't
matter, actually.
She passed out before I had to.
She'll probably just forget.
- She's not gonna forget that.
That's the first
thought she's gonna have
the minute she wakes up.
[Ben sighs]
- Great.
[stammers] So, what am
I supposed to tell her?
- What, about jail?
- No, about being bullied.
- I was bullied at school.
- Me, too.
- To be fair, I was
a very easy target.
I was painfully shy
and I played the tuba
and in Grade 6 I
grew boobs overnight.
Literally.
Just woke up one
morning with these.
- Look, it's not a
competition, but if it was--
- Oh, I've got more.
- I was one of only three
Indian kids in the entire school
and I had these
lovely long limbs
and throw in the
gay factor as well--
- Okay, I'll pay that
and I'll raise you.
This nose.
The '80s?
Kids used to say it was
like I had a third arm
in the middle of my face.
1984, 15 kids at a sleepover
playing spin the bottle.
Bottle lands on
me a dozen times.
Not one boy would kiss me.
- That's horrible.
- I think it's a draw.
- Yeah, but see, how are you
supposed to arm your kids
against that kinda shit?
- You can't.
Not completely.
- I just used to focus on
the things that I loved.
Books, rom-coms, sugar.
- Maybe tell her
terrible teen years
generally means your 20s
are gonna be a bit
Actually, my 20s were
also pretty shit.
- Look, basically, if
you peak in high school
you're fucked for the
rest of your life.
Look at Colin.
- Right, you know what?
We gotta get Lizzy in on this.
She was bullied
horribly at school.
- Oh, bullshit.
If she wasn't a mean girl
I'll go he for Tiggy.
- No, no, she was
a massive nerd.
She was crucified.
- Really?
[Ainsley laughs]
Lizzy?
- Mm.
- To think someone like that
Um, not that, I mean,
you've all obviously
just nailed it, but
um, like, Lizzy?
[line ringing]
- [Liz] Hello?
- Liz, you're on speaker.
We're sharing school
bullying stories.
- That fucking paella.
Sorry, Manju.
Has destroyed a
$600 pair of pants.
- Ah!
- And my dignity. [retches]
- Do not be self conscious.
I have seen many naked bodies.
You're very well maintained.
I only wish Harpreet
could understand
what he's missing out on.
[knocking on door]
[Lachlan sighs]
- Heather.
It's great to see you.
- What are you doing here?
- Ains texted me.
Look, she told me not to come,
but I just had to be here
in the spirit of
love and healing
and I bought
Gastrolyte and immodium
and every kind of disposable
wipe known to man.
- Of course.
She's been with you
these past few weeks.
- May I come in?
- You hungry?
There's some ripping
paella on the stove.
- Uh, I'm good, thanks.
[knocks on door]
Ainsley, can I come in, please?
- [Ainsley] No!
No, no, no, it's
not nice in here.
- [sighs] Honestly,
I couldn't care less.
Being in love isn't always
about cheeky showers
and adorable selfies.
Sometimes it involves
flushable wipes.
- You can't flush 'em.
- They're flushable.
- No, they're not.
- Oh, so it's just
lying on the packaging?
- Yep.
- Okay, great, thanks.
- [Ainsley] Just, okay, wait.
- How's your wife?
[Lachlan sighs]
- I'm not sure.
We haven't been in
communication in over a month.
How's your husband?
- Ains, I know this whole
situation with you-know-who
was hard on you--
- Who?
- And I'm sorry for
my part in that.
- Guys--
- But if you think this
is a good rebound--
- Heather!
- What rebound?
- Nothing.
She's delusional.
[gentle music]
- What's this about a rebound?
- Lachlan, you know I've
been in love with you
for the past five years.
Okay?
Everyone else has
been a rebound.
From you.
Don't worry about
what Heather says.
[birds calling]
[telephone ringing]
- [Liz] Hello?
- Elizabeth, is that you?
- Oh.
Oh, Edwina, hi.
- Hi.
Uh, look, sorry for
calling on the weekend.
- Oh, no, that's fine.
- Is there any chance we
could meet for breakfast?
- Um
Actually, tomorrow would
be a better fit for me.
- Um, yeah, look, it's actually
a matter of some urgency.
- Uh.
How about late afternoon?
Um, preferably somewhere
well ventilated.
- [TV Host] With just one look--
- Manju?
Are you sure that there's
nothing of Harry's
that I could wear or
maybe Harry's dad's?
- No.
He was very fat.
He was very, very fat.
- I'm just, erm, a
little bit concerned
about cultural appropriation.
- [laughs] I can't
understand your legal jargon,
I really can't.
Ah!
That's not quite your color,
but the shape is
very flattering.
Your clothes.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Elizabeth, can I
ask you a question?
- Of course.
- Have a seat.
I've made a cup of tea for you.
Please, sit down.
Have you at any point
imagined yourself
marrying my son?
- No.
No.
- It's not ideal, I know,
but you and Harpreet
are very close
and if he has a wife,
even an old white wife,
it'll make things much
easier for everyone.
- I'm sorry, Manju, I
don't think that's true.
- Harpreet does not
know what he wants.
- I think he does.
- The moment he was born,
I've been planning his future.
You're not a mother,
you don't know.
- No, I'm not.
But I really love your son.
And for the first
time in his life,
he's really living.
Manju, if you just could have
seen him and Pete together.
He was so happy--
- Don't put images in my head.
- I know it's an adjustment.
- Thanks for dropping by.
Don't return the sari.
[dramatic music]
- [Ben] I don't know if
it just comes naturally
to some people, what
to say to your kid,
what's gonna help 'em.
'Cause even after a whole
night thinking about it,
I had no idea.
How are you feeling?
- Bit better.
- You're a tough little bugger.
A lot tougher than you think.
- Tell me about jail.
- Mia
I get why you're
interested, but I
- Why'd you go there?
[Ben sighs]
Did you kill someone?
- What?
- [Mia] Did you steal something?
- No, I
Look.
The details aren't important.
- They are to me.
I want to know what you did.
[Ben sighs]
- Yeah, all right.
I didn't do anything violent
and I didn't steal anything.
There's this plant, right?
This special plant and
I don't know, look,
the bottom line is,
my mates and I were doing
stuff we shouldn't have been
and one of my mates,
Burkie, was on probation.
So when the coppers showed up,
I pretended it was all mine.
- You took the blame?
- I broke the law.
- For your friend?
- Mate,
I broke the law.
- Was jail scary?
- Yeah, it was, it's horrible.
It was the worst
year of my life.
Not being able to see you.
But I'm through it now.
The same way you're gonna
get through all this crap.
And you know what, I was
talking to the others
and they all went through
horrible stuff, too.
- They went to jail?
- No, they just got bullied.
Like really, really
badly bullied at school.
And they all said
the same thing,
no matter how bad
it gets, it'll pass.
You've just got to focus
on the stuff that you love
and talk to people.
And know that you're not alone.
- Did you have to join a gang?
- Oh.
Hi.
Rebecca, hi.
It's lovely to see you.
- It's ah, Liz, isn't it?
- It is.
I'm basically in disguise,
so well done. [chuckles]
How's Mia feeling?
- What do you mean?
- Oh, nothing.
I mean, not nothing, um,
just, we were all um,
quite under the weather
last night, but I'm,
I'm sure she's
probably fine now.
- Right. [clears throat]
- Yes, let's. [laughs]
Okay.
- I'd say it was a parasite,
but Pathology can
turn it around today.
- Um, that is a bloody
small container, isn't it?
- [Harry] Yeah, you
just scoop a little bit.
- You have to
scoop your own poo?
- [Harry] That's right.
- Becca!
- What happened?
- [Ben] Oh, we got a bit
crook, didn't we, mate?
- Oh, my God.
- I know, I know.
- [Rebecca] What kind of crook?
- I was throwing up and
pooing at the same time.
- Well, the whole
house was, to be fair.
How was your trip?
- Mia, go get your bag, please.
- But I want to do a poo sample.
- Mia.
- Go on, mate, it's all right.
- Thanks for having me.
- No worries.
- Anytime.
- I specifically
asked you to call me
if anything went wrong.
- Oh, I'm sorry,
that was my fault.
- This is just between
me and her father.
- Look, I just wanted to say
that Ben wanted to call you
and um, I told him not to.
- Why would you do that?
- Because seriously,
everything was fine.
Mia even opened up to me about
camp and the other kids--
- While she was violently ill?
You know what, I'm just
gonna get her home.
We can talk about this later.
- Hey.
Mum, you shouldn't
be mean to Heather.
- Oh, I'm not being
mean, sweetheart.
I was just pointing out that
you are not her concern.
- Well, she's Dad's
girlfriend, so I kind of am.
- What
- Here, look, I'll
carry your bag.
- Oh, I've got it.
[clears throat]
Say goodbye to your dad, Mia.
- See you, mate.
- Bye, Dad, see ya.
[gentle music]
[Ben sighs]
- Thank you.
- Good morning.
- What are you doing here?
- What an excellent question.
- I er, stayed the night.
Just wanted to be
here for Ainsley.
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
Yeah, seriously, I'm um,
I'm so sorry.
- For what?
- Well, I just
completely misread that.
- Nah, it's not your fault.
- I just, sorry, seeing
as everyone's here,
is it all right if
I say something?
- Probably not.
- Just say it.
- Er, last night Ainsley
told me about you, Heather,
moving on.
Which I think is
a beautiful idea
for the group collectively
and also for you
personally. [chuckles]
But obviously, you're
gonna need someone
to rent out your room and
we were thinking maybe
that person could be me.
- Absolutely not.
- You won't even be here.
You'll be overseas.
- Fine, then I won't go.
- No.
- [Ben] Yes!
- It could be a nice full
circle for us, Heather.
I mean, given that
you only moved in
because I had to step away.
- You didn't step away,
you were expelled.
- Okay, well this is
really more of a decision
for the rest of us, Heather.
- He'd be renting my room.
- Okay, see, now you're
just being spiteful.
This is what you do.
You tell yourself you're
caring for people,
but actually you're
just punishing them.
- Well, I'm sorry that
you feel that way,
but it's not happening.
- Fine, then I'll move out.
[all bickering]
- All right, I propose
we take a step back.
Okay, this is not a conversation
that we need to have
in front of Lachlan.
I suggest that we all
ruminate and then at say,
five p.m. we all go to
the house message thread
and offer a simple yes or no,
are we happy for Lachlan
to replace Heather?
- Could I--
- No, I think you've
made your point.
Lachlan or no
Lachlan, yes or no.
Five p.m.
[pop music playing]
- Hi.
- Ah.
- I am so sorry to do this.
- Oh, not at all.
- Oh, God, you are so thin.
What are you doing?
- Oh, um, Bikram.
What's happening?
Are you all right?
- Yeah, look, no.
Things aren't great.
In fact, things are
borderline horrific.
Sebastian and I are divorcing.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- It's already a nightmare.
He wants to cut me
out of the estate.
He intends to claim infidelity.
Liz, I wanted to see
you face to face because
I don't know if you recall
my little indiscretion
in your commune?
- Oh.
Just a vague memory.
Yes.
- Might I ask, have you
mentioned that to anyone?
- Of course not.
- Oh, thank God.
Oh, Sebastian's gone
with Kane and Macavity
and they are really digging
and a detail like that, well.
I would very much appreciate it
if you could keep
it to yourself.
- I have.
- And continue to
keep it to yourself.
- I will.
- Thank you.
- I understand.
And of course, if
I were your lawyer,
I couldn't possibly mention it.
To anyone.
Lawyer-client privilege.
- Sorry?
- Edwina, let me represent you.
You know I'm the best,
the most thorough,
the most committed.
- But you can't practice.
- I can.
As long as my employer consents.
- Are you blackmailing me?
- You need to save your estate.
I need--
[stomach rumbles]
- You all right?
- I'm tough.
I'm desperate and I will
leave no stone unturned.
- Cameron's already
agreed to represent me.
- Forget Cameron.
I
Will commit every waking hour
24/7 for as long as it takes.
You know I will.
- Do I have an option?
- Not really.
- This is a bit weird.
Feels like we're
doing a drug deal.
- You told her you went to jail.
- No.
No, she knew.
[Rebecca scoffs]
She did, Beck.
- You talked to her about drugs?
- Well, I didn't
want to lie to her.
It was so hard
dancing around it.
She's so smart--
- Tell me about it!
I have had to dance
around it every day
for the last two years, Ben,
and then you just blow
in and drop it on her
just like that?
- Well, no, it wasn't
just like that.
I mean, I swear to God,
I didn't even tell her
which type of drugs it was--
- Oh, she's 12 years old, Ben.
And you told her that normal
people like her own father
get involved with drugs.
Also
If you're in a
relationship with someone,
then that is great, but
you just need to tell me
so that I can be--
- Well, I'm not. I'm not.
- Well, she said you were
together with Heather--
- Well, she might
have said that, but,
I mean, I was for a
little bit, but I,
honestly, I have no idea
how she found that out.
I didn't tell her.
[Rebecca scoffs]
Fuck!
- [sighs] I want you
in her life, Ben.
I have always wanted that.
- I know.
- But it has to be
in an environment
that you can control and
not in a share house
with four other people.
- Well, Beck, you've
just, you've gotta
Fuck.
["Boxing Day" by Rabbit Island]
I had no idea what
to do with myself,
so I just cruised around
the park for a bit.
Ended up doing about 18 laps
before I got my head sorted out.
And when five p.m.
finally rolled around,
decision time,
I found myself out the
front, staring at the house
and my phone.
I genuinely shocked myself
with what I ended
up putting down.
"Bit of a change of
heart for me, turns out.
"RE: Lachlan, I'm
not a yes or a no.
"I actually vote we sell.
"We sell the house.
"ASAP."
And I'm a liar
through my tears ♪
I am a liar
through your fears ♪
And I'm happier
Now you can feel so good
Caught me off guard how
quickly everyone agreed.
Three messages in a
minute and a half.
Everyone but Lizzy, and she
had no skin in the game anyway.
And just like that,
the whole thing was over.
- All right.
Thanks, Declan.
Hey.
- Hey.
- I'm heading back to Mum's now.
Uh, just so you know,
Pathology got back to me.
Shellfish poisoning.
- Mm.
- Mm.
- Harry, uh
There's a strong chance
that I've made things worse
with your mum.
- Oh, well, it's not like you
could agree to marry me, so--
- No, it's more
than that, I uh
I talked up Pete.
Which was clearly the
wrong thing to say.
- Why would you bring up Pete?
- I was making a broader
point about acceptance.
I'm sorry.
[Harry clears throat]
- Hey, Ben.
Uh, FYI, the result
came back to me.
Prawns.
[Ben groans]
Mm.
- Paella was cursed.
- I don't think curses are real.
- Just let me call it a curse.
Otherwise it was all
my fault. [chuckles]
- Is Ains in her room?
- Probably.
- You okay?
- Not really.
- Well, just letting
you know the uh,
the results confirmed it
was shellfish poisoning.
- [sighs] Are you sure?
- Why?
- I've just been
feeling queasy all week.
- Oh, well, maybe
you have a virus.
It's probably worth
seeing your GP.
Unless you're pregnant.
[both laugh]
[playful music]
- [Announcer] Next time
on "Five Bedrooms."
- I know we're all heading
our separate ways, all right?
But I'm buggered
if I'm walking away
with any bad blood between us.
- I'm pregnant.
- Can I come and see
you for five minutes?
I have something I really
need to say to you,
face to face.
- What I'm about to tell you
will come as a bit of a shock.
- We are not dealing with
this in front of the others.
I don't want to see one flicker
or anything, especially
in front of Heather.
- What's happening, Ains?
Something's happening.
- I'm fine.
- Mr. Portelli, there is
something I need to say to you.
- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
- We are ready to open bidding
on this incredible family home.
[upbeat music]