Flatbush Misdemeanors (2021) s01e05 Episode Script


I'm going to try to get you
some more rent money soon.
You don't you don't have to do that.
I'll bet. Say less.
I mean, that that would be good.
Like, I would like that.
She stole my belt!
- She hit her
- I don't wanna hear it.
You should come hang at practice.
What about that girl at
your school, you you smash?
She's my boss.
We almost did, but I fell asleep.
[DREW] Your parents know you over here?
- Yeah.
- I don't think they do.
Didn't we tell you to
come home after school?
You're wicked.
Don't even try to the devil.
Let's go, come on.
Before I slap you yet here.
Yes, yes ♪
Damn, I think you have waves.
I know. Can you fix it?
Don't worry.
I can make you look
like Michael B. Jordan, dude.
Bro, shut the fuck up, man.
Damn, nigga.
What happened? You got cancer?
You look old, young, and
middle age at the same time.
How your bald spot have a bald spot?
It's so bad it's a masterpiece.
So never Oz, Oz, Oz, can you listen?
Oz listen, pay attention here.
I'm still growing. I gotta eat.
Listen, never drift outside the paints.
Nobody can stop you down low.
I'm more of an outside shooter.
No, Oz, do you remember what happened
the last time you took it three?
Just didn't aim it right.
Listen, your height could
be a huge value to the team.
Just to use it.
But I wanna be more than just tall.
No, you're tall. That's everything.
Being tall is everything
in high school basketball.
Even life, success is
mostly about being tall
or acting tall.
Look, if you don't play
smarter tomorrow,
Coach is gonna bench you
for the season.
Coach Bowser say that?
Man, I fucking hate that dude.
I do too, but don't
tell him I said that but
Yo, what you think of this?
It's fine.
[DAN] It looks nice.
Thank you again, Mr. Joseph.
- See you, man.
- Yeah.
Hey, yo, that guy
didn't pay for his food.
He said
What you think, this is Make-A-Wish?
- [DAN] How much was his meal?
- $55!
There's a tip, dude.
And a and a run-out charge.
[MAN] That's why when somebody
say, you know,
"When you get to the NBA,
don't forget about me"
and all that stuff,
I should say to them,
"Well, if I don't make it,
don't forget about me."
[KEVIN] They letting you coach now?
Nah, Coach Bowser still
has me managing equipment.
And none of the kids feel encouraged.
He doesn't draw plays. He just screams.
That sound like an opportunity to me.
Head coach is lazy.
The kids like you more.
Take his job.
I'm sure there's, like, red tape
or some dumb process or something.
- You a hypocrite.
- How?
You always pushing me to
get my painting out there.
Push yourself the same way
to be a coach.
What you mean "maybe?"
Like, come on, man?
Middle school when
you wanted to be a coach,
you made that happen.
Now you're saying maybe?
What's with you?
I mean, I-I wanted to play
on the middle school team
not be the assistant coach.
Yeah, but you can't have hoop.
So, you know, you made
the coach thing work.
You all right?
Yeah. I-I just ran out of Xanax,
and my doctor's cutting
me off till next week.
I'm not overdoing it.
They wouldn't prescribe a
thing if it was bad for you.
Prescriptions are good.
That's Drew, isn't it?
- What?
- That was your Drew sigh.
I don't have a Drew sigh.
Then how'd I know who it was?
Yo, stop bringing Drew free food.
The more you deal with him,
the more bad shit happens.
You rather him come
down here and fuck us up?
You just shouldn't go, man.
I don't have any other choice.
Just consider not going.
[DAN] I'll see you at home.
Wait, do I have a Dan sigh?
Nah, you just look like
you want me to shut up.
- True.
- Hey.
- Whoo.
- Okay.
Nice job, ladies.
Racy but not so racy
where parents would complain.
Come on, Ms. Beretto,
you gotta let me dance.
This routine gonna look
stupid without the whole team.
You think your teammates are
gonna look stupid without you?
Great team spirit, Zayna.
[ZAYNA] That's not you know
that's not what I meant.
[JESS] Well, you should've
thought about this
before you went all Laila Ali on folks.
The-the lady who sells
haircare products at Target?
She was a boxer first.
Come on, know your female sports icons.
Dami and I obviously squashed it.
We dancing together.
Coach Higgins said that she'd let me.
Okay, well, while I'm in
for Coach Higgins,
I make the rules.
It was her choice
to go on maternity leave.
But the punishment
doesn't fit the crime.
You put Dami in the hospital.
She didn't even get a bed!
It was basically a checkup!
It's all good.
Ms. Reynolds, just let a dance with us.
We a team.
Where's you spirit at?
[BOTH] Rah, rah, rah, rah.
- Let's go Pigeons.
Uh-uh, you know what?
Wait, wait, you know what?
Zayna, the principal
made a judgment call,
and you were suspended.
You can't frame being punished
as a lack of team spirit.
Why not? It makes sense to me.
[JESS] I don't I don't
wanna hear it.
[DAMI] Yeah, still at
dance practice, Mama.
Huh? Yes, me, Ms. B,
Sharee, Gemma and Uli.
No, Zayna is not here.
I told you she's suspended.
Don't worry.
Yes, I put the goat out.
Yes, Mama.
Hey, Zayna. All right.
Just caught up with Zayna.
That's nice.
Wait, I texted you a few times.
Uh, I did that thing
where I-I saw the text,
but then didn't answer the texts.
That's cool.
We just haven't really talked
since the other night, so
Yeah, listen, Dan,
that night was weird.
We both took a pill, which is
something I never do, so
Right, yeah, no.
Same with me in terms of never.
Yeah, it's just for the best
that it didn't go
too far at that time.
I think we dodged a bullet.
It wouldn't have been that bad.
Would it?
It would have.
Oh, I shouldn't have
asked you to repeat that
the second time. It hurt my feelings.
I-I just don't wanna do
something I'm gonna regret
professionally speaking.
You know, me being
in a position of authority.
I mean, we're teachers
at a public high school.
Like, neither of us
have that much authority.
Yeah, but I do have more authority.
I mean, not-not really.
Actually, yes.
In-in title, salary, responsibility,
really across the board.
I'm six months older.
It'd just be a bad look
if I was hooking up with an underling.
I don't feel like we're over
underlings with each other.
I think we're so evenly linked.
It'd just be a mess.
So let's just keep it
professional, okay?
I'm sorry.
[BOWSER] Yo, White Lightning.
Let me holler at you a second.
So any more issues,
just come by my office.
Okay? Coach.
Look, Danny boy.
Can you just call me "Dan"?
I heard you been coaching
the boys behind my back.
I'm just answering a few questions.
Yeah, well, don't.
I don't need you to unteaching
them shit I just taught?
Okay, but Coach Bowser
It's Dr. Bowser, by the way.
I have a PhD in physical education.
Wait, can you write prescriptions?
- What?
- Forget that.
- Look, Doctor?
- Mm-hmm.
I've tried to run plays past you,
but it seems like
you don't give a shit.
[LAUGHS] You picked up on that?
I'm just saying I can be helpful.
You don't have my experience or talent.
You got an idea for them, you
run it past me first, got it?
You will be equipment manager,
nothing more.
So whatever white savior movie
you've got playing in your head,
change the channel.
Fucking fat ass doctor coach.
Don't you ever walk
into a man's crib like that.
Next time I might not son.
Got the Beijing?
Yo, what the fuck is goin' on?
Yo, this nigga's cerebellum leaking.
Yeah. I know, man.
My bike broke. I had to run over here.
Boy, you trying to get that Tory Lanez.
Yo, don't touch it
don't touch it, nah.
Yo, the group chat gotta see this.
This nigga in Black face. [CHUCKLES]
Yo, son, why you ain't
tell him you needed a cut?
I didn't know you cut hair.
I don't, but I could
do better than this.
Hold on. I got something for you.
Just Where are you going?
- [KEVIN] Nowhere.
- Man.
Yo, Kara Walker couldn't fix this shit.
Yo, you just gotta go bald, man.
You know who Kara Walker is?
Yeah. Why?
You don't think I'm cultured?
No, I think you're very cultured.
It's just I paint, and, you know,
I'm trying to get my name
out there like her.
I used to build little models
of bridges and shit.
Yeah, that art world could be cold.
Here, man. I can't fix that shit.
Appreciate you.
- Oh, you got any benzos?
- [DREW] Only Oxy right now.
You think I can get three, 30s?
Don't 90 give me three?
They do, but don't you owe me money?
Hey, what's wrong with you?
They not letting me dance
in the game tomorrow
because of that fight I had with Dami.
- But you they best dancer.
- I be knowing.
Yo, they gonna look so dumb without me!
Yo, tell your man to let her dance.
Dan? He don't have much pull there.
Dude basically a janitor
with a whiteboard.
Fuck it, I'll deal
with this shit myself.
Wait, hold on.
Do you you sure you wanna
are you sure that's the best
thing for her to dance?
I'm just saying, like,
do you want her thinking
she could get whatever she wants?
It might mess up the way
she sees the world
when she grows up.
You know, like when I fucked up
and spilled your shit,
you instantly taught me
a lesson about consequences.
You can't just do things and it's
and there's not gonna be
any repercussions.
You made me a better man.
You know, and if you get involved,
then she might not ever
learn that lesson.
Fuck, man.
- [KEVIN] Yo?
[DAN] I talked to coach Bowser today.
Word. It went well?
No, it was terrible.
When have I convinced
anyone of anything?
I just say words and nobody listens.
You got that boy to give
himself head in middle school.
That started as a joke,
but we made history that day.
[DAN] That was fun.
You still gonna try
to take Coach's job?
Yeah, because you were right.
I can't let him win.
I can't be an underling.
I don't care if Jess thinks
we should keep our relationship
professional like
I will coach this team.
I said that?
That was the emotional
core of it, I felt like.
Is that for the tall boy?
Oz, yeah, he's the
stick figure in every play.
If we spread the floor,
we got the shooters
outside the three-point line,
four out and one in.
That way he doesn't have to do anything
except be big near the basket.
Unless they go zone
'cause that boy look like garbage.
Oh yeah, I forgot.
Oh shit. You're a legend.
Thank you.
Oh, this is Oxy?
That's okay.
You don't need no water?
What am I, a baby?
- Bro, you got a problem.
- [DAN] Is that a new hat?
Uh, yeah, I just bought it.
Why'd you buy a hat that doesn't fit?
I thought my head was bigger.
[DAN] You don't have rent
money, but you have hat money?
Where'd you get the Oxy?
Damn, you a detective now? Shit.
Come on, Kev.
Bro, I was bringing him food anyway.
I figured I could help you
with at same time.
So just do enough to not get killed.
The more involved with him
we get, the more fucked we are.
He might ask you to get Zayna
to dance at the game too.
How am I what?
I have nothing to do with dance.
I know, that's what I've told him,
but he just slammed
the door in my face, so
This is what I'm talking about, Kev.
He's just gonna keep asking
for more and more shit
- until its spirals.
- Oh relax.
That's why I got you
those meds to calm down.
Shit, we just got to medicate
our way through this.
I might need to take some too
'cause you've been using
all my damn sketch pads.
I don't know what am I paint on.
Yeah, considered it rent.
It's not rent. It's sketchpad.
All right, well, I would like rent.
It's rent, not a sketchpad.
You think they'll be able to come back?
[KAREEM] Oh, absolutely not.
But I'm not going to stop
supportin' my boy.
What is he doing here?
- Pick your feet up.
What up, Drew?
Kareem, what up?
What up, man. What you doing here?
- Teaching her something.
- What-what up, bro?
How y'all know each other?
My son is the coach, kinda.
[KAREEM] Let's go, son! You got this!
They roommates. You know, small world.
How ya'll know each other?
Oh, I never told you the story
on how we were smashing the same chick?
[KEVIN] Nah.
[DREW] Here he go.
Me and Drew used to play
for rival basketball teams.
And we was both smashing
this pretty, fine,
young, chocolate thing.
Mm, and we had no idea
until she came to the game
and started rooting for both of us.
- Damn. What y'all do?
- I don't know what he did,
but I caught crabs.
Two times.
You know what? Gotta get my steps in.
That nigga crazy for real.
Yeah. Oh, here, bro.
- Thank you.
- [DREW] Say less.
- Do you mind if I sit here?
- [DREW] Yeah, do you.
Good afternoon?
Oh my God, leave Dami's mom alone.
What? You can't say hi?
What is it now, eh?
Leave me, I beg you, ha.
Dusty bitch.
How come you came if she not dancing?
'Cause she got to talking
about how I should do this
and do that to get her to dance.
So I sat and thought about it.
She really did dig
everything about her.
So I tell her, if you really
care about your team
and you down for them,
you'll show up and support 'em
with a smile on your face.
She, "Ah-ah-ah,
that don't even make sense."
Yeah, you said that.
So I said, "Word?
You know what makes sense?
There's always consequences
for your actions."
So I dragged her out here to show her
what them consequences look like.
- Wow.
- [DREW] What?
Nah, it's just kinda crazy
how we co-parenting,
'cause, like, I told you that
[DREW] Co-parenting
Hey, let 'em see you work ♪
Pop that, shake that, ♪
wiggle that, throw it back ♪
Hey, let 'em see you work ♪
Pop that, shake that, ♪
wiggle that, twerk that ♪
Hey, let 'em see you work ♪
Pop that, shake that, ♪
wiggle that, throw it back ♪
Hey, let 'em see you work ♪
Pop that, shake that, ♪
wiggle that, throw it back ♪
No music! ♪
No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
- [ALL] No music! ♪
[ZAYNA] That's my best friend!
You motherfuckers got the nerve
to be down by 20 at the half!
But we can turn it around, I bet.
Against Brooklyn Theater Art School?
Hey, maybe y'all should
break out into song.
At least you could
beat them at something.
We'd probably lose
against them singing,
but this game we could still win.
No wonder there's nobody in the stands.
If people want to watch a
bunch of mediocre niggas ball,
they go watch the Knicks!
Coach? Coach?
Coach Bowser.
Dr. Bowser.
Oh, shit.
Okay, give him some air.
Give him okay, no one moved.
[PARAMEDIC] Attention all medics,
we have a 74-year-old male,
shortness of breath collapsed.
Say something.
Hey guys, so Coach Bowser
had a little heart attack to his, um
You know, some people's
hearts are just too big.
Okay, look, Coach Bowser
wasn't a perfect coach
isn't a perfect coach. He is alive.
And you know,
he eats his weight in
Caribbean food every week.
But to his credit, he always said
says, as an alive man
let's just remember that
he sees huge potential in you guys.
He sees fight in you.
So let's fight.
Let's attack the goddamn basket
like Coach Bowser's heart
attacked the rest of his body.
So what? You're down by 20.
If we make seven stops
and hit seven threes,
we'd be up by one.
See, don't think of it as a miracle.
We don't need a miracle.
Don't think of it like that.
Think of it as a lot
of tiny little things
that could happen,
and we just have to line them all up.
- Okay?
- Yeah!
- [DAN] You gonna win big?
- [DAN] Yeah!
You got to win for Coach Bowser?
- No?
- You'll win for me?
- What?
No. For ourselves.
Right, for yourselves. Yes, totally.
It's not about me. Yeah.
Okay, whatever your motivation,
you get out and win for that reason.
- [OZ] Come on!
[DAN] You got it. You guys got it.
Listen, you guys gave it your all,
and we didn't even officially
lose until the game was over.
And even inside the losing,
there-there are little wins,
and inside those little wins,
there are smaller lessons.
It's kind of like if you take a loss,
but you-you don't view it
that way, you view
Oh. Well, good game.
Good game.
I thought that was an okay speech.
Did Coach Bowser really say
we have potential?
No, I-I don't think
he knows your names.
Your man got killed.
Yeah, just like middle school.
You just drew that?
It dope.
Really dope.
Can I have it?
Yeah, for three racks.
[DREW] He's a funny dude.
Man, let me get that.
[DAN] You owe me money
for that food, Oz.
You took too many threes also.
Told you to stop taking threes.
Drew, can I get the pad?
[LAUGHS] Bro, you killed it.
Bro, I tell you what?
- Hey.
- Hey, Jess.
So they said Coach Bowser is
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. What-what about Bowser?
His vital signs are okay.
He just has to eat healthier.
So it looks like
you're acting head coach
until Bowser's back on his feet.
Good job not yelling at them.
Upgrade from Bowser.
Yeah, thanks.
Let's go, Pigeons!
Let's go, Pigeons!
You good?
Bro, come on, man.
You'll started out down 20,
and the coach died.
You did fine.
He's still alive.
For now, but you did it.
You did it, man.
You know, you got
the respect of the team,
and I seen you talking to old girl, so.
I don't know, even with her, it's like,
I don't know where we are right now.
She mad y'all lost?
I don't think she cares.
It's not like she could
fuck you less, so.
What's up with Drew?
Was he threatening you?
Nah, we were just chilling.
All right, well, don't hang with him.
He tried to kill you.
I think he cool off that now, actually.
He hasn't tried to kill you
in two weeks, so he's cool?
Bro, I'm not about to be scared.
I'm not saying be scared,
but there's a difference
between that and, like,
seeking him out.
You think I'm seeking him out?
I think this is fun for
you on some level,
like you're enjoying it,
like living on the edge or something,
but it puts both of us at risk.
So I'm just saying,
like, be careful with it.
That's all I'm saying.
Bro, Kareem is the one
that started talking to him,
and I just sat there because
it wasn't nowhere else to sit.
We weren't hanging out.
It's not my fault
that y'all got no fans
or seats or nothing, so.
Then why'd he have your new hat
if you weren't hanging out?
You know they make
more than one Yankees hat.
Why are you being
all shady about this, man?
I see what's happening. I get it.
Them 30s got you tweaking.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, bro, just ride the wave.
- You safe.
- [DAN] Okay, yeah.
It's all right.
This is part of the process.
This is your first time
doing the 30s, you know,
you graduated from
part of the journey.
- Yeah.
- So just
[KAREEM] Where you at, son?
Can't get this fucking
dad thing to stop.
Over here, Kareem!
Y'all feeling like dessert?
Come on, my treat.
I won a couple of dollars
betting on that theater school.
Why would you bet against my team?
In this family, somebody gotta win.
Okay. Okay.
Who are betting with on
high school basketball?
[KAREEM] Ain't just basketball.
I got action on all
kinds of school shit.
Us parents are bored.
I got a thousand-to-one odds
on Fat Omar for Prom King.
I like that bet, actually.
He's got a good personality.
I'm raising you right.
Shut the fuck up ♪
Shut the fuck up ♪
Shut the fuck up ♪
Who gon' check me, boo? ♪
I'ma yell it from the rooftop ♪
Pop off like a
banshee getting banjee ♪
Understand me, full stop, kick rocks ♪
Jaq be nimble, kinda mental ♪
Just a likkle, deadly with a giggle ♪
I'ma wiggle past yellow tape ♪
Ropes, protocol ♪
From the window to the wall ♪
Till I return my man's call ♪
Tell all these dudes to pause ♪
Harder they come,
the harder they fall ♪
You can't shut me up, no ♪
You ain't gon' keep me quiet, no ♪
You keep on talking tough, no ♪
We gon' start the riot ♪
You can't shut me up ♪
You ain't gon' keep me quiet ♪
You keep on talking ♪
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