Florida Girls (2019) s01e04 Episode Script
Are We on a Church Trip?!
All right, what size do we get? Who's having soda? Not me.
I can't chip in.
I've got to start saving for GED classes.
Okay, just don't expect to have - any of our soda.
- I'm only gonna have a little bit.
I got to stop drinking that stuff.
I guess we have to get a small.
So lame.
Yeah, Shelby said soda ages you.
And since Harold's lying, cheating, married ass wasted some of the best months of my life, I'm running out of time, y'all.
I got to find a man before I'm old and nasty.
What are you talking about? We're so young.
My mom married my dad when she was 20.
Yeah, but that only lasted three weeks.
My mom married my dad when she was 14.
- How you doing, Debra? - Uh alive, I guess.
Just the soda? Ooh, let's get a scratcher.
We're getting a scratcher? I want in.
Oh, you better cough up more if you're having any soda.
- I'm not having any soda.
- Damn right you're not.
$2.
79.
Thank you.
Have a good day, Debra.
Yeah, that'd be a first.
I don't know why we always do this.
It never works.
You got to believe in it for it to work.
- Holy crap.
- What? - Holy crap! - What? Shut up.
No way.
$800?! I can finally afford GED classes! Shelby, stop ruining the moment! This is the best day of our lives! - 800 bucks.
- I can't believe it.
- I've never won anything before.
- And it's hard to imagine a world without him in it.
I never thought losing him would hurt this much.
And saying good-bye to our son Joshua is just one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I'm-a take my winnings, and I'm-a make it rain at Juicys.
New boots, new bag, new lashes.
Then I'm-a go to the club, and I'm-a find me a husband.
I'm-a get sick LED lights for under our car.
Be driving around like ballers.
Wait, we're all not just buying a lot of weed? Guys, I have an idea.
What if you spend your money on GED classes? We could take 'em together.
It would be so fun.
What is your deal today? Are you mad at me? Are you trying to upset me? We could barely afford a scratcher and a soda.
Do we really want to live like that forever? This is our opportunity to invest in our futures.
Uh, no, thank you.
School's boring.
And I know that Joshua would want us to remember the good times.
So, David, his best friend, is here to share some of those good times with us.
David, come on up.
Josh Travis, y'all.
That dude, he was my brother, man.
My roll dog, man.
Seven-Deuce-Seven Boyz forever.
Swamp Crew, Ruby Lux Boyz, Jinx Gang, Davie Bangerz, Wick City.
Them Natty Hurt Dawgs.
Lester and Little Meanie, man.
420 OG Kush Kids.
Josh Travis, he threw them island parties, y'all.
Everybody on the beach, wildin' out.
Rollin' up on them Jet Skis.
Bitches doing keg stands, man.
Whole crew out there leanin'.
I love those island parties so much.
Let's pour one out for them island parties, man.
Why are we pouring one out for the island parties? I guess since Josh Travis got eaten by a gator, he can't throw 'em no more.
So the island parties are dead, too.
No! Man, I can't believe island parties are dead.
We've been going every year since we were, like, 12.
You could spend your scratcher money on throwing the next one.
Do you know how much work that is, wrangling all those boats and kegs and all that? No, I'm getting sick under-car lights.
- Don't be an idiot.
- Who is that? Girl, look at his watch.
That's a Movado.
You can tell by the beveled edges.
Maybe I don't need to go to the club after all.
Wait, Erica, isn't that your brother? No, my brother's either in jail or lying in a ditch somewhere.
Wait, that is Matty.
Whoa.
I can't believe he's still alive.
I can't believe he can afford that watch.
Could I see myself boo'd up with a white boy? My mom has married two white guys, and it has not worked out.
And the last time I saw him, he did bath salts, and then he smashed my Xbox and threatened to kill me.
Damn, that's scary.
Screw it.
I need a man.
Matty! - Erica.
Hey.
- All right, man.
See you.
Hey.
How are you? - What are you doing here? - Oh, you know.
Uh, Josh Travis and I were in that program together after we burned down that warehouse.
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, but-but those days are behind me.
I'm sober now.
Going on four months.
I even started my own business.
Matty's Kayak Tours and Rentals.
Check it out.
And rentals.
Okay! That's dope.
I moved out of Mom's, and I won cash on a scratcher from the ghetto store, so I'm doing pretty good, too.
Wow.
It is so inspiring to see somebody from around here doing so well.
- Thanks, dude.
- What? No, I'm talking to Matty.
How did you do it? I mean, you were homeless, like, a year ago.
I was.
Growing up with a mother who tells you you're a worthless loser every day, I actually started to believe it.
Right, Erica? Um, I actually don't remember my childhood.
Well, you know, back when I was living on the street and smoking meth, I stumbled into a church one day to use the bathroom and steal some statues, and I overheard the pastor talking about how all lives are filled with worth in the eyes of Jesus.
And, you know, I just I kept coming back, to listen to his sermons and steal more statues.
And, you know, over time, I learned to let go of my rage, uh, forgive my mother and believe in my worth.
Hallelujah.
Oh.
Oh, it's my sponsor.
I got to go.
I got to take this.
Hey.
Well, he got super lame.
God, if that church stuff helped Matty fix his life, what if it could do the same for you guys? We don't need to fix our lives.
We just won the lotto.
Yeah, church isn't real.
If there's a God, then why'd he murder Josh Travis and take island parties away from everyone, hmm? I'm just saying, maybe church could be the thing that puts you guys on the right path so you don't blow all your money on dumb crap.
You guys should totally go to church.
Oh, my God.
You meet one church loser, and now you're suddenly all about church? - Sheep! - He made a huge transformation.
I can't believe you're not blown away by it.
Nah, I miss the old Matty.
Remember when he broke our principal's jaw? That was hilarious.
I can't believe y'all won.
I got a boot on my car this morning.
Let go of the cash, Debra.
Oh, I'm about to fuck up Juicys' summer line! Whoa! This is so random and out of the blue.
Matty just texted me, and he's like, "Hey, I know this is really random, but do you want to go kayaking for free today?" - Wow, that is so random.
- Huh? How'd he get your number? Do you think Matty's trying to see me again? Oh, that's cute.
I like that.
Wait, he definitely said "free," though, right? 'Cause I hate kayaking unless it's free.
Yeah.
We just got to go now.
Oh, I'm not going to the beach without a hat.
Shelby said the sun ages you.
And I'm definitely not going without a vodka-Squirt.
Who's in? Keep in mind, we just won the lottery! Oh, my God.
We're finally getting a Mego Jumbo! Hey, boo! Matty! You're gonna have to teach me how to use that paddle.
Oh, you'll be fine.
Jesus blessed us with perfect kayaking conditions.
Oh, my God.
Look at these derps going on a church trip.
Derp, derp, derp.
Wait.
What's going on? Are we on a church trip?! Did you and that turd set us up?! Why would you do this?! - It'll be fun! - Take me back, Shelby! - No, it'll be fun! I promise! - You're the worst! - Stop paddling! - Stop fighting me! - Stop paddling! - It's too late! And we should be grateful to Matty for donating these wonderful kayaks as we clean up the beach in the name of Jesus.
Making us clean up trash with church people? You're disgusting.
If anyone finds out I did this, you're dead.
Look, after Josh Travis's funeral, I told Matty that I thought you guys should go to church, and he suggested we come with him today.
So just try to make the best of it, okay? Okay.
Oh, my God! Real mature, Kaitlin! - I know I am.
Thank you.
- Stop it! I'll stop when you stop.
- I'm serious! - I'm serious.
- Stop! - Stop! Hope everybody's having fun.
Uh, if you guys are enjoying yourselves, please leave a Yelp review for Matty's Kayak Tours.
Uh, every review counts.
I give it ten stars, boo! It actually only goes up to five stars, but thank you so much.
Man, I can't get a read on this white boy.
Oh, my God, you're actually picking up trash? I don't even know you anymore.
This is the worst day of my life.
I don't know, I'm digging this church trip.
Sun's shining, we got our vodka-Squirt, and there's a dolphin or something.
Ew, dude! That's a dead manatee.
- Excuse me, priest? - Dude! Why did God kill that manatee? Are you freaking kidding me? Uh, okay.
Uh, no need to let this taint anyone's Matty's Kayak experience.
Uh, as-as Pastor Zack and Jesus have taught me, I can handle anything.
So okay.
We're just gonna get this majestic fella back out to sea.
- It's okay! It's okay.
- Oh, man.
I didn't realize it was rotted, so I'm just gonna go clean clean my stuff off.
- Ew.
- I'm not angry, and I don't want to smoke meth.
Hey, Matty.
You need help wiping off that manatee? I think I got most of it, but thank you.
Okay, look, maybe I'm not making this clear.
I'm into you, and I know you're into me, so if you got a condom, we can go to the woods and throw down right now.
Oh, wow.
Uh, uh, I'm sorry, I-I-I think you're very beautiful, but - Thank you.
- The church is against contraception, and-and I'm born-again, uh, so I'm-I'm saving myself for marriage.
- Oh Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.
Okay, you heard what I said.
No, that's not what I meant.
Look, you read this all wrong.
- When I said "throw down" - Yeah.
I meant throw the condoms down, - 'cause condoms is bad, and sex is bad.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I, too, am saving myself for marriage.
- Actually, I've never had sex.
- Really? Yeah.
I'm a full virgin.
I ain't had nothing in my asshole.
I ain't even done no handies.
But I am confident that after I get married, I'll know how to work the dick.
You know, since you're friends with my sister, I-I think I may have misjudged you.
- Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
- And I am sorry for that.
That is the opposite of what Jesus stands for.
I love Jesus.
- And you love Jesus, so - Uh Oh.
Got manatee in my eye.
Hey, Pastor Zack.
Hi.
So, my friends and I are loving this beach clean-up.
Oh, I'm pleased to hear that.
Yeah, yeah, um, but they're about to make, like, a really dumb decision, and I was wondering if maybe you could help put them on the right path, like you did for Matty? As with all of God's children, the key to Matty's transformation was trusting that Jesus is always by his side.
Oh, cool.
How long does that take? Well, it took me 15 years to put my faith in Jesus.
But if you're looking for a quick fix - I am.
- It doesn't exist.
But something that helps me keep the faith is noticing all the signs of his presence.
If you look close enough, you'll see them everywhere.
Like that cloud.
That could be God.
Or that stick.
You know, it's all God.
Wow, okay.
Signs.
Thank you.
Boo! That guy sucks.
I can't believe you're buying into this crap.
I can't believe you're buying into this crap.
Or what if winning those scratchers was a sign? Think about it.
GED classes cost 200 bucks, right? And then we each win 200 bucks? Maybe Jesus gave us that money for a reason.
- Whoa! - Right? I just found a blunt roach.
Maybe it's a sign Jesus wants me to spend my money on weed.
Whatever.
Erica, make me some nipples.
Yo.
On it.
Ah-ah.
Save some room for Jesus.
Don't want to tempt us virgins unnecessarily.
Now, today's prayer and share was inspired by young Shelby.
She confided in me on how she wants to improve her life.
Oh, no, no.
No, um, not me, my friends.
My life is actually great.
I'm going back to school.
Now, as we all know, the only true way to improve our lives is to pray to Jesus and ask for his help.
Really? The only way? What about finding a ton of gold? Well, why don't we share some of the things we want to pray to Jesus for? Matty, why don't you start? Yeah.
Um, I want Jesus to keep helping me stay clean and believe in me so I can build my business and provide a wonderful life for myself.
And my future wife and kids, of course.
- Amen.
- Amen.
That was a good prayer, Matty.
For my prayer, I would like to ask Jesus to send me a man that I can cherish while he builds a lucrative business.
Ooh, and I want Jesus to help me keep my virginity.
- What the? - Shut up! Oh, and after I get married, I'm gonna get real freaky and nasty, but not before, because that's the good Christian that I am.
Amen.
Amen.
What? No.
Hold on.
We're not "amen"-ing that.
Come on.
She shouldn't be living her life for some man.
She should get her GED and start her own lucrative business.
Actually, Shelby, Jesus frowns upon judging others, so we don't comment on other people's shares.
Young lady, it's your turn.
Oh, okay.
I want Jesus to wrap up this nightmare so I can go get sick LED lights for under our car.
That's pretty much it.
I got to piss.
Amen.
Belinda? I would like for Jesus to grant me some patience, because I have not seen my son in a very long time.
Holy shit! Are you? Oh, my God, are you freaking kidding me?! Got me hanging out with Jesus freaks, got piss all over myself.
Screw this, I'm getting the hell out of here.
No! Goddamn it! Stupid son of a bitch! But my parole officer said it was gonna be another six months.
Okay, great, we get it.
You want to see your son again.
- Amen.
Erica, it's your turn.
- Amen.
Uh, I don't know.
I guess I like getting high, but I don't need Jesus for that, so amen.
Amen.
Dude, come on.
There's got to be something you want to ask for.
Don't you want to, like, get out of the mobile home? Stop stealing to survive? Stop cutting your own hair? I'm pretty content with the way my life is right now, but I'll take a haircut from Jesus if he's gonna give it to me for free.
Well, no, you got to work for it.
"God helps those who help themselves.
" That's actually not in the Bible.
Pastor Zack, please! I am trying to help Erica go back to school and get her life on track.
Matty, can you help me? I mean, yeah, Erica, I am definitely - worried about you.
- Me, too.
I-I know you think you're content, but Do you know, when we were kids, I used to think I was content with gummy worms and Kool-Aid for breakfast.
But do you want to know what I had for breakfast this morning? - A French Slam from Denny's.
- Ooh.
Yep.
All because I started believing I deserve better.
Do you believe you deserve better? - I know you do.
- Well, I mean, I - I guess I could - Whoa! I just saw the kayaks floating away on their own for no reason.
It was crazy.
What? Wh-Where where are my kayaks? Oh, they're right out Oh, they're gone.
No! Oh, please, God, no! Not my kayaks! Holy shit.
I am such a fucking loser.
I can't have my own business.
I can't even tie up a goddamn kayak.
I am worthless! Erica, forget what I said about deserving a better life, okay? Mom was right we're losers.
I am just a burnt-out meth head who should have died a long time ago! And fuck you, Jesus! Matty.
Remember, anger gives a foothold to the Devil.
And you, you lied to me, you piece of shit.
I should kill you for filling my head with all that Jesus bullshit.
- I should kill you! - Matty! - No, no, no! Matty! - Get over here! Matty, Matty, Matty, Matty, no.
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you! Man, that's a tough break.
I'm trying to call us a cab.
Why can't I get us any service? Probably 'cause we're on an island.
- What? - Wait.
Wait, we're not connected to land right now? You mean we trapped out here? It's okay.
Jesus is just testing us.
All we have to do is pray and look for signs of his divine presence, and the way home will be clear.
And where was his divine presence when you were getting your ass handed to you, huh? Come on, y'all.
Let's go find a way off this island.
Hey, boo.
You know, all this will get sorted out with the insurance, right? Why didn't I get insurance?! So, you still believe in church, Shelby? Or are you ready to admit that you were wrong about everything? I was not wrong.
I still think church can work if you're not a psycho.
Oh, sweet.
A keg.
There's still some beer in here.
I'm keeping it.
What the hell is a keg doing out here? Wait.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
We've been on Josh Travis's party island this whole time, y'all! That's why you found that keg and the joint.
We're on party island! Look, it's the dick tree! No way.
Holy crap, y'all.
Signs are real.
Jesus doesn't want me to spend my money on sick under-car lights, no.
Jesus wants me to do something even more baller.
He wants me to throw the next island party.
Well, guess what, sir.
Message received.
I'm gonna throw the bombest island party Clearwater has ever seen! Awesome.
That's what I was saying yesterday.
Really, Erica? You have to take credit away from our Lord Jesus Christ? What is wrong with you? Maybe Matty losing his damn mind was a sign, too.
Maybe Jesus was trying to protect me from having to pretend that I was a virgin on my wedding night.
What happened? I don't know how I would have done that.
I'm so skilled at lovemaking.
Or what if Jesus was trying to get you off men altogether so you could earn your own money someday? Nah, that ain't it, but I know when Jesus sends me the right man, I'm-a be ready.
I really think you'd be happier if you Wh-What is up with you today, dude? You're so all up in everybody's business.
Yeah, you keep trying to make us get our GED, but what about your GED? You got your cut of the money.
You could've gone down there today and signed up.
But instead, you're over here, judging us.
Yeah, judge not, lest you be judged, dick.
Well, no, I was waiting to sign up 'cause I really want to help you guys.
Do you want to help us, or are you just too scared to get your GED alone? I swear to God, if we've been stuck out here all day 'cause you're too much of a pussy to go to class by yourself, I'm gonna lose it.
Okay, fine, maybe I am scared, but that's 'cause I've never done anything without you guys.
We do everything together.
We learned how to Rollerblade together.
We learned how to drive together.
Remember that time we did whippets? Yeah.
I-I just I don't think I can do this on my own.
Damn, we walked in a full circle.
We gonna die out here.
I think we got to swim.
Great idea.
You go ahead and swim to shore and tell the Coast Guard to come pick us up.
I would do it, but Jesus has bigger plans for me.
Look, Shelby's swimming.
Whoa, she's doing something on her own.
Oh, hell yeah! Yes! Get it, girl! Shelby! Swim faster!
I can't chip in.
I've got to start saving for GED classes.
Okay, just don't expect to have - any of our soda.
- I'm only gonna have a little bit.
I got to stop drinking that stuff.
I guess we have to get a small.
So lame.
Yeah, Shelby said soda ages you.
And since Harold's lying, cheating, married ass wasted some of the best months of my life, I'm running out of time, y'all.
I got to find a man before I'm old and nasty.
What are you talking about? We're so young.
My mom married my dad when she was 20.
Yeah, but that only lasted three weeks.
My mom married my dad when she was 14.
- How you doing, Debra? - Uh alive, I guess.
Just the soda? Ooh, let's get a scratcher.
We're getting a scratcher? I want in.
Oh, you better cough up more if you're having any soda.
- I'm not having any soda.
- Damn right you're not.
$2.
79.
Thank you.
Have a good day, Debra.
Yeah, that'd be a first.
I don't know why we always do this.
It never works.
You got to believe in it for it to work.
- Holy crap.
- What? - Holy crap! - What? Shut up.
No way.
$800?! I can finally afford GED classes! Shelby, stop ruining the moment! This is the best day of our lives! - 800 bucks.
- I can't believe it.
- I've never won anything before.
- And it's hard to imagine a world without him in it.
I never thought losing him would hurt this much.
And saying good-bye to our son Joshua is just one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
I'm-a take my winnings, and I'm-a make it rain at Juicys.
New boots, new bag, new lashes.
Then I'm-a go to the club, and I'm-a find me a husband.
I'm-a get sick LED lights for under our car.
Be driving around like ballers.
Wait, we're all not just buying a lot of weed? Guys, I have an idea.
What if you spend your money on GED classes? We could take 'em together.
It would be so fun.
What is your deal today? Are you mad at me? Are you trying to upset me? We could barely afford a scratcher and a soda.
Do we really want to live like that forever? This is our opportunity to invest in our futures.
Uh, no, thank you.
School's boring.
And I know that Joshua would want us to remember the good times.
So, David, his best friend, is here to share some of those good times with us.
David, come on up.
Josh Travis, y'all.
That dude, he was my brother, man.
My roll dog, man.
Seven-Deuce-Seven Boyz forever.
Swamp Crew, Ruby Lux Boyz, Jinx Gang, Davie Bangerz, Wick City.
Them Natty Hurt Dawgs.
Lester and Little Meanie, man.
420 OG Kush Kids.
Josh Travis, he threw them island parties, y'all.
Everybody on the beach, wildin' out.
Rollin' up on them Jet Skis.
Bitches doing keg stands, man.
Whole crew out there leanin'.
I love those island parties so much.
Let's pour one out for them island parties, man.
Why are we pouring one out for the island parties? I guess since Josh Travis got eaten by a gator, he can't throw 'em no more.
So the island parties are dead, too.
No! Man, I can't believe island parties are dead.
We've been going every year since we were, like, 12.
You could spend your scratcher money on throwing the next one.
Do you know how much work that is, wrangling all those boats and kegs and all that? No, I'm getting sick under-car lights.
- Don't be an idiot.
- Who is that? Girl, look at his watch.
That's a Movado.
You can tell by the beveled edges.
Maybe I don't need to go to the club after all.
Wait, Erica, isn't that your brother? No, my brother's either in jail or lying in a ditch somewhere.
Wait, that is Matty.
Whoa.
I can't believe he's still alive.
I can't believe he can afford that watch.
Could I see myself boo'd up with a white boy? My mom has married two white guys, and it has not worked out.
And the last time I saw him, he did bath salts, and then he smashed my Xbox and threatened to kill me.
Damn, that's scary.
Screw it.
I need a man.
Matty! - Erica.
Hey.
- All right, man.
See you.
Hey.
How are you? - What are you doing here? - Oh, you know.
Uh, Josh Travis and I were in that program together after we burned down that warehouse.
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh, but-but those days are behind me.
I'm sober now.
Going on four months.
I even started my own business.
Matty's Kayak Tours and Rentals.
Check it out.
And rentals.
Okay! That's dope.
I moved out of Mom's, and I won cash on a scratcher from the ghetto store, so I'm doing pretty good, too.
Wow.
It is so inspiring to see somebody from around here doing so well.
- Thanks, dude.
- What? No, I'm talking to Matty.
How did you do it? I mean, you were homeless, like, a year ago.
I was.
Growing up with a mother who tells you you're a worthless loser every day, I actually started to believe it.
Right, Erica? Um, I actually don't remember my childhood.
Well, you know, back when I was living on the street and smoking meth, I stumbled into a church one day to use the bathroom and steal some statues, and I overheard the pastor talking about how all lives are filled with worth in the eyes of Jesus.
And, you know, I just I kept coming back, to listen to his sermons and steal more statues.
And, you know, over time, I learned to let go of my rage, uh, forgive my mother and believe in my worth.
Hallelujah.
Oh.
Oh, it's my sponsor.
I got to go.
I got to take this.
Hey.
Well, he got super lame.
God, if that church stuff helped Matty fix his life, what if it could do the same for you guys? We don't need to fix our lives.
We just won the lotto.
Yeah, church isn't real.
If there's a God, then why'd he murder Josh Travis and take island parties away from everyone, hmm? I'm just saying, maybe church could be the thing that puts you guys on the right path so you don't blow all your money on dumb crap.
You guys should totally go to church.
Oh, my God.
You meet one church loser, and now you're suddenly all about church? - Sheep! - He made a huge transformation.
I can't believe you're not blown away by it.
Nah, I miss the old Matty.
Remember when he broke our principal's jaw? That was hilarious.
I can't believe y'all won.
I got a boot on my car this morning.
Let go of the cash, Debra.
Oh, I'm about to fuck up Juicys' summer line! Whoa! This is so random and out of the blue.
Matty just texted me, and he's like, "Hey, I know this is really random, but do you want to go kayaking for free today?" - Wow, that is so random.
- Huh? How'd he get your number? Do you think Matty's trying to see me again? Oh, that's cute.
I like that.
Wait, he definitely said "free," though, right? 'Cause I hate kayaking unless it's free.
Yeah.
We just got to go now.
Oh, I'm not going to the beach without a hat.
Shelby said the sun ages you.
And I'm definitely not going without a vodka-Squirt.
Who's in? Keep in mind, we just won the lottery! Oh, my God.
We're finally getting a Mego Jumbo! Hey, boo! Matty! You're gonna have to teach me how to use that paddle.
Oh, you'll be fine.
Jesus blessed us with perfect kayaking conditions.
Oh, my God.
Look at these derps going on a church trip.
Derp, derp, derp.
Wait.
What's going on? Are we on a church trip?! Did you and that turd set us up?! Why would you do this?! - It'll be fun! - Take me back, Shelby! - No, it'll be fun! I promise! - You're the worst! - Stop paddling! - Stop fighting me! - Stop paddling! - It's too late! And we should be grateful to Matty for donating these wonderful kayaks as we clean up the beach in the name of Jesus.
Making us clean up trash with church people? You're disgusting.
If anyone finds out I did this, you're dead.
Look, after Josh Travis's funeral, I told Matty that I thought you guys should go to church, and he suggested we come with him today.
So just try to make the best of it, okay? Okay.
Oh, my God! Real mature, Kaitlin! - I know I am.
Thank you.
- Stop it! I'll stop when you stop.
- I'm serious! - I'm serious.
- Stop! - Stop! Hope everybody's having fun.
Uh, if you guys are enjoying yourselves, please leave a Yelp review for Matty's Kayak Tours.
Uh, every review counts.
I give it ten stars, boo! It actually only goes up to five stars, but thank you so much.
Man, I can't get a read on this white boy.
Oh, my God, you're actually picking up trash? I don't even know you anymore.
This is the worst day of my life.
I don't know, I'm digging this church trip.
Sun's shining, we got our vodka-Squirt, and there's a dolphin or something.
Ew, dude! That's a dead manatee.
- Excuse me, priest? - Dude! Why did God kill that manatee? Are you freaking kidding me? Uh, okay.
Uh, no need to let this taint anyone's Matty's Kayak experience.
Uh, as-as Pastor Zack and Jesus have taught me, I can handle anything.
So okay.
We're just gonna get this majestic fella back out to sea.
- It's okay! It's okay.
- Oh, man.
I didn't realize it was rotted, so I'm just gonna go clean clean my stuff off.
- Ew.
- I'm not angry, and I don't want to smoke meth.
Hey, Matty.
You need help wiping off that manatee? I think I got most of it, but thank you.
Okay, look, maybe I'm not making this clear.
I'm into you, and I know you're into me, so if you got a condom, we can go to the woods and throw down right now.
Oh, wow.
Uh, uh, I'm sorry, I-I-I think you're very beautiful, but - Thank you.
- The church is against contraception, and-and I'm born-again, uh, so I'm-I'm saving myself for marriage.
- Oh Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Yeah.
Okay, you heard what I said.
No, that's not what I meant.
Look, you read this all wrong.
- When I said "throw down" - Yeah.
I meant throw the condoms down, - 'cause condoms is bad, and sex is bad.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
I, too, am saving myself for marriage.
- Actually, I've never had sex.
- Really? Yeah.
I'm a full virgin.
I ain't had nothing in my asshole.
I ain't even done no handies.
But I am confident that after I get married, I'll know how to work the dick.
You know, since you're friends with my sister, I-I think I may have misjudged you.
- Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
- And I am sorry for that.
That is the opposite of what Jesus stands for.
I love Jesus.
- And you love Jesus, so - Uh Oh.
Got manatee in my eye.
Hey, Pastor Zack.
Hi.
So, my friends and I are loving this beach clean-up.
Oh, I'm pleased to hear that.
Yeah, yeah, um, but they're about to make, like, a really dumb decision, and I was wondering if maybe you could help put them on the right path, like you did for Matty? As with all of God's children, the key to Matty's transformation was trusting that Jesus is always by his side.
Oh, cool.
How long does that take? Well, it took me 15 years to put my faith in Jesus.
But if you're looking for a quick fix - I am.
- It doesn't exist.
But something that helps me keep the faith is noticing all the signs of his presence.
If you look close enough, you'll see them everywhere.
Like that cloud.
That could be God.
Or that stick.
You know, it's all God.
Wow, okay.
Signs.
Thank you.
Boo! That guy sucks.
I can't believe you're buying into this crap.
I can't believe you're buying into this crap.
Or what if winning those scratchers was a sign? Think about it.
GED classes cost 200 bucks, right? And then we each win 200 bucks? Maybe Jesus gave us that money for a reason.
- Whoa! - Right? I just found a blunt roach.
Maybe it's a sign Jesus wants me to spend my money on weed.
Whatever.
Erica, make me some nipples.
Yo.
On it.
Ah-ah.
Save some room for Jesus.
Don't want to tempt us virgins unnecessarily.
Now, today's prayer and share was inspired by young Shelby.
She confided in me on how she wants to improve her life.
Oh, no, no.
No, um, not me, my friends.
My life is actually great.
I'm going back to school.
Now, as we all know, the only true way to improve our lives is to pray to Jesus and ask for his help.
Really? The only way? What about finding a ton of gold? Well, why don't we share some of the things we want to pray to Jesus for? Matty, why don't you start? Yeah.
Um, I want Jesus to keep helping me stay clean and believe in me so I can build my business and provide a wonderful life for myself.
And my future wife and kids, of course.
- Amen.
- Amen.
That was a good prayer, Matty.
For my prayer, I would like to ask Jesus to send me a man that I can cherish while he builds a lucrative business.
Ooh, and I want Jesus to help me keep my virginity.
- What the? - Shut up! Oh, and after I get married, I'm gonna get real freaky and nasty, but not before, because that's the good Christian that I am.
Amen.
Amen.
What? No.
Hold on.
We're not "amen"-ing that.
Come on.
She shouldn't be living her life for some man.
She should get her GED and start her own lucrative business.
Actually, Shelby, Jesus frowns upon judging others, so we don't comment on other people's shares.
Young lady, it's your turn.
Oh, okay.
I want Jesus to wrap up this nightmare so I can go get sick LED lights for under our car.
That's pretty much it.
I got to piss.
Amen.
Belinda? I would like for Jesus to grant me some patience, because I have not seen my son in a very long time.
Holy shit! Are you? Oh, my God, are you freaking kidding me?! Got me hanging out with Jesus freaks, got piss all over myself.
Screw this, I'm getting the hell out of here.
No! Goddamn it! Stupid son of a bitch! But my parole officer said it was gonna be another six months.
Okay, great, we get it.
You want to see your son again.
- Amen.
Erica, it's your turn.
- Amen.
Uh, I don't know.
I guess I like getting high, but I don't need Jesus for that, so amen.
Amen.
Dude, come on.
There's got to be something you want to ask for.
Don't you want to, like, get out of the mobile home? Stop stealing to survive? Stop cutting your own hair? I'm pretty content with the way my life is right now, but I'll take a haircut from Jesus if he's gonna give it to me for free.
Well, no, you got to work for it.
"God helps those who help themselves.
" That's actually not in the Bible.
Pastor Zack, please! I am trying to help Erica go back to school and get her life on track.
Matty, can you help me? I mean, yeah, Erica, I am definitely - worried about you.
- Me, too.
I-I know you think you're content, but Do you know, when we were kids, I used to think I was content with gummy worms and Kool-Aid for breakfast.
But do you want to know what I had for breakfast this morning? - A French Slam from Denny's.
- Ooh.
Yep.
All because I started believing I deserve better.
Do you believe you deserve better? - I know you do.
- Well, I mean, I - I guess I could - Whoa! I just saw the kayaks floating away on their own for no reason.
It was crazy.
What? Wh-Where where are my kayaks? Oh, they're right out Oh, they're gone.
No! Oh, please, God, no! Not my kayaks! Holy shit.
I am such a fucking loser.
I can't have my own business.
I can't even tie up a goddamn kayak.
I am worthless! Erica, forget what I said about deserving a better life, okay? Mom was right we're losers.
I am just a burnt-out meth head who should have died a long time ago! And fuck you, Jesus! Matty.
Remember, anger gives a foothold to the Devil.
And you, you lied to me, you piece of shit.
I should kill you for filling my head with all that Jesus bullshit.
- I should kill you! - Matty! - No, no, no! Matty! - Get over here! Matty, Matty, Matty, Matty, no.
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you! Man, that's a tough break.
I'm trying to call us a cab.
Why can't I get us any service? Probably 'cause we're on an island.
- What? - Wait.
Wait, we're not connected to land right now? You mean we trapped out here? It's okay.
Jesus is just testing us.
All we have to do is pray and look for signs of his divine presence, and the way home will be clear.
And where was his divine presence when you were getting your ass handed to you, huh? Come on, y'all.
Let's go find a way off this island.
Hey, boo.
You know, all this will get sorted out with the insurance, right? Why didn't I get insurance?! So, you still believe in church, Shelby? Or are you ready to admit that you were wrong about everything? I was not wrong.
I still think church can work if you're not a psycho.
Oh, sweet.
A keg.
There's still some beer in here.
I'm keeping it.
What the hell is a keg doing out here? Wait.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe it.
We've been on Josh Travis's party island this whole time, y'all! That's why you found that keg and the joint.
We're on party island! Look, it's the dick tree! No way.
Holy crap, y'all.
Signs are real.
Jesus doesn't want me to spend my money on sick under-car lights, no.
Jesus wants me to do something even more baller.
He wants me to throw the next island party.
Well, guess what, sir.
Message received.
I'm gonna throw the bombest island party Clearwater has ever seen! Awesome.
That's what I was saying yesterday.
Really, Erica? You have to take credit away from our Lord Jesus Christ? What is wrong with you? Maybe Matty losing his damn mind was a sign, too.
Maybe Jesus was trying to protect me from having to pretend that I was a virgin on my wedding night.
What happened? I don't know how I would have done that.
I'm so skilled at lovemaking.
Or what if Jesus was trying to get you off men altogether so you could earn your own money someday? Nah, that ain't it, but I know when Jesus sends me the right man, I'm-a be ready.
I really think you'd be happier if you Wh-What is up with you today, dude? You're so all up in everybody's business.
Yeah, you keep trying to make us get our GED, but what about your GED? You got your cut of the money.
You could've gone down there today and signed up.
But instead, you're over here, judging us.
Yeah, judge not, lest you be judged, dick.
Well, no, I was waiting to sign up 'cause I really want to help you guys.
Do you want to help us, or are you just too scared to get your GED alone? I swear to God, if we've been stuck out here all day 'cause you're too much of a pussy to go to class by yourself, I'm gonna lose it.
Okay, fine, maybe I am scared, but that's 'cause I've never done anything without you guys.
We do everything together.
We learned how to Rollerblade together.
We learned how to drive together.
Remember that time we did whippets? Yeah.
I-I just I don't think I can do this on my own.
Damn, we walked in a full circle.
We gonna die out here.
I think we got to swim.
Great idea.
You go ahead and swim to shore and tell the Coast Guard to come pick us up.
I would do it, but Jesus has bigger plans for me.
Look, Shelby's swimming.
Whoa, she's doing something on her own.
Oh, hell yeah! Yes! Get it, girl! Shelby! Swim faster!