Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s03e20 Episode Script

The Masters

1 Man: Tiger Woods continued to overshadow the competition.
With his chip shot at the 8th hole.
[ Cheers and applause] The Masters.
Nice.
Tiger Woods is dominating the field like a boss.
He's the freaking best.
Wow.
He'll be the youngest player to ever win.
Exactly.
Which is why we can't let Mom find out.
What are you talking about? Tiger Woods is half-Asian.
What? He is? I've never heard that before.
Yeah.
Nobody talks about it for some reason.
Wait, but why can't we let Mom find out? "Why can't we" This guy wants to know why we can't let Mom find out.
Psh.
You know how Mom gets when she sees an Asian person succeed publicly.
Remember Kristi Yamaguchi? Or Michael Chang? Or Connie Chung? Tensions were high today in Bos-nie-ah Herz-egg-gov-ven-govenah.
Jessica: Again.
By the time I could pronounce it, the war was over.
Mom can't find out.
We have to keep this from her.
Agreed.
Nobody talks.
I'm going over to Honey's.
Tiger Woods is half-Asian.
He's about to win the Masters.
What's this, now? One of our own succeeding in the public eye? If you start punching yourself now, it'll be easier for you when Mom leaves.
I'll take that into consideration.
S03E20 The Masters Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Man: Tensions were high as Tiger lined up this historic final shot of the Masters.
[ Cheers and applause] Those are Tiger's parents.
Tiger embraced his dad Earl, who he credits as instrumental in his quest to become a champion.
Imagine how proud his parents must be.
I know.
You know, in a way, I feel like I could have raised Tiger Woods.
Mm.
Because you see yourself in his Asian mother.
No.
I see myself in Earl.
He drove his son hard, and now Tiger is a champion.
That's good parenting.
Yeah, I see myself in him too.
Yeah, well Earl is a disciplinarian like me.
He pushed Tiger to greatness the way I push our boys to be the best.
If anything, you're more like Kultida.
Who? Exactly.
Tiger's mother.
The forgotten one.
[Sighs] Oh, no.
Now you want to talk about what I just said.
No.
Hey, so, speaking of dishes, when you say I'm like Kultida, - what exactly do you mean? - [Scoffs] I knew it.
Well, it's just we both do our part to parent the boys.
Of course we do.
All I'm saying is that in the same way Earl and I share a strict and tough parenting philosophy, you and Kultida are more relaxed and lenient and soft.
Well, I wouldn't say "soft.
" But it's true.
Maybe I'm a little more permissive.
Right.
You're Kultida.
She's got her big hat and sunglasses.
She's hanging back, passive, quietly watching Earl run the show.
You know I can't pull of hats.
They make my face look small.
I'm more lenient than you because I choose to be.
My dad was a tough man, and I promised myself when I had kids, I'd be different.
That's wonderful.
I can really see that.
All I mean is that Earl and I do a lot of the heavy lifting to push our children to succeed.
And sometimes, kids don't need that.
Sometimes, they need their parents to step back so they can find their own interests and talents, because that's also important for success.
That's certainly a very Kultida way of thinking.
Just because I parent differently doesn't mean it's worse.
- I'm not saying it is.
- Really? Because it feels like what you're saying is that, as a parent, you're hands on, effective, doing everything, and I'm hands off, in the background, doing nothing but wearing a hat.
I wouldn't say you do nothing, but that is a very good summary, Louis.
Well put.
Goodnight.
[Bell dings] Reba: Good morning, Abe Lincoln Middle Schoolers.
It's Reba with your daily announcements.
The new beams are up in the library.
And you may have noticed the molding is in place.
Just waiting on the guys to paint the trim.
That'll happen Thursday.
Also, lunch today is burger bar.
Bill: What are you talking about? Look, man, we can't have the same backpack.
But this is my backpack.
Fool, did you hear me? Get a new b.
p.
or we fight.
Tiger Woods? That guy's dope.
He hit the green from the tee on a par 4.
I bet he gets so many girls.
I love everything about Tiger.
Especially that he's an African-American dude dominating a sport full of white guys.
Tiger's also half-Asian.
What? No, he's not.
It'srue.
His mom is Thai.
That's the brim of her sun hat in background.
None of us have ever heard that.
And we know everything about him.
I've seen Tiger's dad Earl, and he's definitely African-American.
Right.
And his mom is Thai.
Come on.
[Bell rings] He's half-Asian.
Half-Asian? Are we talking Keanu? Hey.
I've been thinking about our conversation.
Oh, boy.
And there's an easy way to put our different parenting styles to the test.
Let's make a friendly bet on the golf course.
No, thank you.
- "Friendly" means "not for money.
" - I'm listening.
You and I both have about the same level of golf skill.
Well, passably competent.
We each take one of the boys for two weeks and help them learn golf.
Then the boys will play nine holes, and whoever's player wins, is the parenting champion.
[Scoffs] I'm going to win.
True greatness comes from the Earl/Jessica parenting philosophy, not from the Kultida/Louis one.
We'll see.
Just two rules.
We both have to use the same golf instructor so no one has the advantage, and Emery is out.
Oh, of course.
He's good at everything.
It wouldn't be fair.
Well, that leaves Eddie and Evan.
I'll take Evan.
He's more moldable.
Great.
And I'll take Eddie, because he's well, he's the only kid left.
Well, this is exactly what we didn't want to happen.
Thanks a lot, Evan.
I was mad at myself too, but look at these clothes.
They're like my regular clothes but with an athletic cut.
This is gonna be great, right, guys? We'll work hard, but we'll also have fun.
[Scoffs] Fun? This isn't a cartoon, Louis.
We're not mermaids and reggae crabs singing at the bottom of the sea.
Evan, this is your golf instructor, Phil.
His name is actually Phillip, but white ople love to shorten their names.
Thank you, Jess.
Evan, this is your new instructor, Ted.
I chose him because his name can't be shortened.
I once played a round with Jimmy Carter.
Hm.
He's gonna teach you the basics, and then Mommy's gonna be here to push him to push you.
Great.
I'm ready to learn.
Okay, Evan.
Take this 5-iron.
And I want you to hit this ball.
I just want to get a sense of where you're at.
True beginner.
Got it.
Yes.
Ted, together, we are going to mold this beginner lump of clay into an excellent golfer.
Yo-yo, yo, yo-yo Yo-yo, yo, yo-yo [Rapping] When I step up in the place [Alarm beeping] A-yo, I step correct Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check I got that head nod, y'all That make you break your neck Again.
Whoo-hah, whoo-hah Again.
I got you all in check And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check Throw your hands up in the air Don't ever dis [Sighs] I'm sorry, Mommy.
The clothes are for me, but maybe golf isn't.
Nonsense.
You just have to work harder.
Maybe you just need longer tees.
I'll go get them.
Oh, so you can eat a Popsicle behind the pro shop? No way.
I'll get them.
Mm-hmm.
[Chuckling] - Louis? - Oh, hey, Jessica.
You know, I think I was too quick to dismiss hats.
I don't know if my face got bigger or the hats got smaller, but either way, I'm wearing this bad boy out of the store.
Okay.
Where's Eddie? Oh, we've been practicing his fairway woods all morning, so I gave him a break.
Oh, a break? That's very Louis-Kultida.
No breaks for Evan.
[Snickers] I see you've got the extra-long tees there.
Well, I suppose to a tiny face, all tees look extra long.
[Sighs] Hi, do you have a minute to talk about Tiger Woods? Sorry, got to run.
Hey, do you have a minute to no? Excuse me, can I Principal Hunter, can I talk to you about I already donated at work.
[Sighs] [Bell dings] Reba: Good morning, Abe Lincoln Middle Schoolers.
It's Reba with the daily announcements.
Library trim is painted periwinkle.
Odd choice.
Lunch today is pepperoni pizza, the best kind of pizza.
She's right.
Pepperoni is the best.
- Hey, Reba.
- Reba: Hi, Emery.
How's Eddie? Is he still with that girl Pretty, smells like strawberries? Alison? Yeah.
It's been, like, a year.
They seem good.
Whatever.
What's up? I was wondering if I could us the P.
A.
system to make an announcement.
Everyone is forced to listen to your construction and lunch updates every day.
So it might be a good way to get my message out.
Forced to listen to me? People love my construction updates.
- They're important.
- Totally.
My thing's important too.
It's about Tiger Woods.
The golfer? Listen, bud.
You think I just let anyone say whatever they want into the p.
a.
? If you just listen to this Tiger thing.
Sorry, I loved to help you out but I'm swamped.
I don't have time.
You don't quit, do you? Fine.
[Sighs] Meet me in the newsroom.
We have a newsroom? Classroom 2b.
We share it with yearbook.
Ugh.
Bring Eddie.
No, don't.
It's not worth it if I can't focus on him.
Louis, I've been thinking.
I'm worried I have too big an advantage in our bet.
How's that? Well, not only do I have the more teachable son, I also have the superior parenting philosophy, so I was thinking that, as a favor to you, we could swap Eddie and Evan.
Sure, I'll swap.
I believe in my methods.
I can win with either son.
[Chuckles] I don't think so, Louis.
You just took the dud.
Earl has other kids who aren't great golfers.
Sometimes, you get a dud.
I love my dud son, but he can't win.
I think I'll be fine.
Louis-Kultida know what they're doing, after all.
Evan, you're golfing with Daddy now.
I'm training Eddie.
It's nothing personal.
I just need to win, and I think he gives me the best chance.
I see.
Well, thank you for everything.
It's been wonderful working with you.
And I wish you the best of luck.
I'm gonna pray for seven plagues to befall your house.
- What? - Nothing.
Enjoy your time with your first-born son.
I can't believe you're making me do this before school.
This is way less fun than with Dad.
He always lets me get Cinnabon.
Yes, I noticed the frosting on the club handles.
Oh, hey, Eddie.
Where's your dad? No Cinnabon? I am molding Eddie now.
He's less obedient than Evan, so we get to be tougher.
Yo-yo, yo, yo-yo Yo-yo, yo, yo-yo [Rapping] When I step up in the place [Alarm beeping] A-yo, I step correct Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check I got that head nod, y'all that make you break your neck Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check And you know we come through to wreck the discotheque Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check [Grunts] Throw your hands up in the air Don't ever disrespect Whoo-hah, whoo-hah I got you all in check Busta Rhymes, up in the place, true, indeed Yes, I catch wreck, and that's word [Thuds] He's getting worse.
I can't swing because my arms are sore from all those extra weights you made me lift.
I told you, you can't follow an arm day with an arm day.
Welcome back, Phil.
Thank you, Jessica.
What's all this? We went to putt-putt earlier, and Evan loved it so much, he wanted to keep playing when we got home, so I set this up.
He's pretty good.
[Chuckling] Remember me? We hadn't gotten to putting yet.
We're feeling good about the showdown tomorrow.
I nicknamed Evan "The Little Kitchen" because he always sinks it.
[Crow caws] I don't understand.
Am I the ineffective parent? Hey.
I brought tissues to dry your tears, 'cause you're gonna lose.
You're a better parent than me.
Oh.
You're really upset about this.
I ruined two kids in two weeks.
I thought my pushing brought out the best in them, but I've been holding them back.
I failed and you've succeeded.
[Sighs] Jessica.
Parenting isn't all or nothing.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
We share equal roles.
The boys are who they are because of the both of us.
No.
If our bet proves anything, it's that your parenting philosophy works and mine doesn't.
Who cares about the bet? It was just supposed to be for fun.
You know what? The bet is off.
I'd rather we just have a nice family day at the club tomorrow.
We'll all play nine holes.
- We won't even keep score.
- Fine.
But you still win.
There's no winner in parenting.
But if you see a gold wrestling belt in our closet that says "Parent-mania Champion," just know I had it made before this conversation.
[Bell ringing] Mr.
Dekro and Ms.
Summers are having an affair? This isn't news, Cory.
This is the worst-kept secret in Orlando.
Find something else.
Hey, Reba.
Thanks for meeting me.
- I only need five minutes.
- You got two.
So, I recently learned - that Tiger Woods is part Asian.
- No way.
If that was true, people would be talking about it.
Well, people aren't.
That's why I have to.
I pulled a few articles where they only refer to Tiger as an African-American golfer.
Nice file folder.
Mead Five-Star in teal Solid choice.
Anyway, after Tiger got his green jacket for winning the Masters, even his dad Earl said, "Green and black go well together.
" No mention of his Asian half.
It's almost like him being Asian makes the story less meaningful for some reason.
I'm not trying to take anything away from Tiger's African-American side, but I just want kids to know about his Asian side.
Tiger's a superstar.
And we should get to take pride in it too.
[Whispering] It's not opening tomorrow.
It's not opening tomorrow? But the reno's completed.
They painted the trim.
Sorry, I need to get into this library debacle ASAP.
Just take a look when you can.
Oh, he's good again.
Must be that Cinnabon you gave him this morning.
Actually, 'bon's wearing off.
I could go for a little something else.
I saw the clubhouse had Mexican egg rolls.
Don't ask me.
Whatever your father says.
I have no opinion.
I hate seeing you like this, Mommy, but it is a testament to the power of prayer.
Louis: You know what? I'm excited to try a Mexican egg roll.
I'll go get us one to split four ways? No, let's just get a platter.
[Laughs] I don't know about you guys, but I can get into bummed-out Mom.
[Sighs] It can't be.
Kultida Woods? Do I know you? No, but I know you.
I can't believe you're here.
It must be fate.
I like to come to this club when I'm in this area.
Best Cobb salad in Florida.
Can I ask you something? Oh, my friend make them.
You cannot buy them.
No, your hat is beautiful, but it's not about that.
What is the secret to Earl's success? What do you mean? My husband and I had a bet, and I pushed my sons the way Earl pushed Tiger, but the harder I drove them, the worse they got.
My husband took a softer approach, like you do, and he was more effective.
I do not take soft approach.
A mother begins her child's life when she pushes them into the world, and she never stops.
Two-minute labors, all three of them That's how hard I push.
They need that to succeed.
Discipline does not always have immediate results.
Sometimes, it even look like failing, but it lay a strong foundation.
Without that, the house would crumble.
That's how you built the house of Tiger.
So, how come Earl gets all the credit? Some work is behind the scenes.
You cannot watch your child shine when the spotlight is in your eye.
So, I was right about my parenting style all along.
The only thing I was wrong about was being the Earl, when I am the Kultida.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey.
Where's the platter at? No platter.
Back to hole one.
We're doing it again.
But we just played nine holes with Dad.
He knows how to have fun and still helps us be good.
That's true, but you're also good because of me, which is why we're doing it again.
And this time, we are keeping score, because life keeps score.
You heard your mom.
Get back out there.
[Sighs] Hey, what happened on your way to get that platter? I saw a hat.
So did I.
I actually love this.
You look like Andy García.
Oh.
Who was that you were talking to earlier? Oh, another lady mistook me for Kultida Woods.
Happens every time I come to a golf course.
Moms are all over me.
Oh, Norma, why don't you just tell them the truth? Eh.
It's easier just to play along.
And you know? I think I really help them.
Earl Woods.
It's fate.
It got to stop coming here.
Reba wants you to meet her in the AV room, now.
Reba: I looked at your file.
This is big.
Tiger Woods is half-Asian.
Yes, that's literally what I've been saying.
I decided to give you the P.
A.
mic.
We're gonna blow this thing wide open.
But listen, when I hit that button, they can't un-hear any of it.
Yeah, okay.
That's the point.
I want them to hear this.
I mean, you're talking about bringing down the greatest golfer in the world.
We're not talking about bringing him down.
We're just saying he's half-Asian.
It's time.
Good morning, this is Emery Huang.
And I'd like to talk to you about Tiger Woods, a great golfer we all admire.
We all know about his dad, Earl, but I want to tell you all about his mom, Kultida, who is from Thailand.
Historic.
This is not to take away from Tiger's African-American side, but to paint a complete picture so all Asian kids out there can see themselves in him All: Fight, fight, fight! and make his success their own.
I told you to get a new backpack.
This is my backpack! I got it for my birthday! [Both scream] [Bell dings]