Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s05e16 Episode Script


1 ANNOUNCER: Offside.
God! Offsides again! Hockey rules are messed up.
Eddie, it's simple.
If a player on the attacking team is across the offensive blue line when the puck enters the attacking zone and if no defensive player is on the Trent! Mom needs help with the stereo.
I'm busy, Tina.
Why don't you do it? Well, your Wilson Phillips CD is stuck, so What?! That's not mine! But I'll go help Mom Make sure she doesn't scratch it up again.
Do you want to play until he gets back? Enough of these games, Huang.
Well, we can play a different game.
Maybe one where the rules make sense.
I was talking about you and me, Eddie.
I guess all my signals haven't gotten through that adorable thick skull of yours.
The doctor said it's fine.
We should just keep an eye on it Wait, did you say adorable? Yeah.
I like you.
[Exhales sharply] I wrote you that note on Valentine's Day, but Whoa.
EDDIE: "that one day, we will be together.
" That was you? Okay.
I feel like we're finally on the same page here.
So what do you say? We doing this? Let's go out.
Uh Uh Uh, I-I I mean I can see this is a lot for you.
Take some time, think about it.
You know where to find me.
Don't you know things can change Things will go your way [Sighs] Just wasn't plugged in.
For one more day You know what, Eddie? Pop music isn't a crime! Maybe look outside your bubble once in a while! Things will go your way [Exhales sharply] Hold on for one more day Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Hm? [Chuckles] "For their excellent service to Orlando's many, many senior citizens, we're proud to award Cattleman's Ranch Steakhouse this year's Golden Prune award"! That's amazing, Dad! Have you finished the new menu design? We need it now more than ever with the silver tide rolling in.
Nah, not yet.
Eddie, come on.
You said you'd have it done weeks ago.
And it was your idea.
I know, I know, and it's almost done.
All I need now is the menu and the design.
TRENT: Louis, my man.
I believe some congratulations are in order.
Mm, likewise, deputy.
That Prune wouldn't be ours without you charming our oldest and boldest customers.
- What's your secret? - Insult comedy.
Everyone's always so careful with old people.
They get bored.
That's where the geezer teaser comes in.
- Hmm.
- EMERY: Exactly.
That's why I'm always razzing Grandma.
Just roasting her, y'know? But she loves it.
Well, I'm gonna keep spreading the good news.
We won the Golden Prune, everybody! Yes! What is that? Hey, man, so I want to talk to you about something kind of awkward.
Um Tina asking you out? She already told me.
She She did? Yeah, she's pretty open about that stuff.
Does not mesh well with the rest of the family.
We're feeling-bottlers, not feeling-sharers.
I mean, I gotta respect someone who says what they want.
Plus, it's always kind of fun when someone likes you.
Damn, it feels good to be back in the game.
Cool your jets there, hot shot.
There's no way you're going out with Tina.
Why? Because she's your sister? - You don't think I'm good enough? - No.
You're too good for her.
I don't want her dragging you down.
Tina is challenging.
I dunno, man.
She seems kind of cool.
Maybe a little aggressive, but what's wrong with that? I just don't think it's a good idea.
But hey, when you turn 18, I'd be more than happy to set you up with Trish.
She likes to party.
[Sighs] [Evan sighs] [Door closes] There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna spit it out.
I failed a test.
We took the Presidential Fitness Test today.
I couldn't run a 10-minute mile.
[Scoffs] Evan, how are you going to become doctor/president if you fail a presidential test? That's not really how it works.
President Taft was a No dead-white-men excuses.
I expect better from you.
Much better.
And running? Anyone can run.
What happened? You're right.
I'm sorry.
I promise, by next year, I'll be ready.
And I just want you to know that I still love you.
Should I have been worried about that? [Indistinct conversations] [Chuckles] Wow, old folks sure get the word out fast.
The teeth are fake, but the money is real.
So, hey, I need your advice on something.
[Gasps] The Golden Prune and connecting with my son on the same day? [Chuckles] What did I do to deserve this? Dad, I'm gonna need you to take it down, like, 50%.
I can give you 10%, but that's it.
So, I was hanging out with Trent yesterday Great guy.
Love him.
Practically part of the family.
Also, love what's happening here with you and me.
Tell me more.
Well, Trent's sister, Tina, walked in, and she kind of asked me out.
Oh, my God.
It's happening.
[Chuckles] I've written this rom-com in my head so many times! The thing is, Trent made it pretty clear he doesn't approve of us going out.
T-bone! Why does he hate love? But I think I like her, so I dunno what to do.
That's a tough one, son.
Obviously, I would love it if you two went out.
I mean, think of the children.
Redhead and Asian? So beautiful.
So rare.
I feel like you're a few steps ahead here.
But, in the end, this is your decision, Eddie.
You have to do what you think is right.
[Chuckling] Hey, wait.
Didn't I go to your funeral? Aw, I'm just kidding.
I really got you that time.
[Sighs] Trent's my best friend.
I know what I have to do.
Date in secret for years and then win him over with some freckled Chinese baby cheeks? A man can dream.
I figured it out.
I excel at so many things because of you.
You taught me math.
You taught me how to read.
You assembled my serious-with-a-flair-to-fun wardrobe.
If you think flattery will get you anywhere, then you are onto something.
Well, now I need that same support with running.
So I signed us up for a charity 5K.
We can train together! That's perfect! Great idea, Evan! [Groans] [Door opens, closes] Teach me how to run! Oh, no.
Who'd you kill? [Sighs] No.
I gave Evan a hard time about failing the presidential running test, and now I'm stuck training with him.
Where does barging into my house come into this? Well the thing is, I may or may not be awful at running.
Truly, truly bad.
If Evan finds out, he'll know I'm a hypocrite.
So I need your help.
Well, how bad can it be? I mean, anyone can run.
Not me.
Every couple years, I check for improvement.
Okay, Jessica, this is your year.
Let's show 'em what we're made of.
Whoa! [Groans] [Whimpers] How do dogs do this all the time? Four legs.
I didn't throw up, so I guess that's progress.
Well, not exactly sure how you expect me to help here.
You're not dressed for running.
I'll give you a minute.
[Exhales sharply] You can do this, Eddie.
It's just Oh, God, what was it again? Oh.
Here goes.
Finally! I've been watching you walk up to the door for, like, 20 minutes.
It was awkward when the mail came.
So, about yesterday it was super nice, and you seem great and all, but I just don't think it's a good idea.
You don't think or you don't know? Thanks, but no Because there's only one way to find out.
[Laughs] Whoa.
Mango with pistachio? Bold.
What can I say? I'll eat anything.
[Laughs] There's so much stuff I've never tried.
Everything we eat at home is so bland and flavorless.
Yeah, I've seen Trent's lunches.
Lot of mayo.
My family won't do anything hot Hot foods, hot sun, "Hot 'Lanta.
" Oh, man, spicy food is the best.
I've been thinking about a few original recipes.
Really? Cool! Like what? Well, the main one right now is spicy stuffed pancakes.
Hot, savory, sweet.
And who else is doing dinner for breakfast for dinner? [Laughs] You have to make those for me one day.
You actually like my stupid ideas? Of course.
But one rule Never call them stupid again.
This is the best date ever.
[Chuckles] Do you want the rest of my ice cream? I'm full.
Yes! A thousand times, yes.
[Indistinct talking] I had a great time tonight.
Me too.
I promise next time, I'll remember my wallet.
[Laughs] TRENT: Eddie! Gah! When'd you get there?! Have you no honor? Have you no respect? I do have those things.
It's just Then why are you dating Tina? Look, I was just gonna let her down easy, but then she talked so fast, and then we had ice cream, and it turned out, she's, like, awesome.
I-I'm sorry, Trent.
Your sister and I really like each other, and we're gonna keep going out.
Just don't say I didn't warn you about Trentina.
"Trentina"? That's her full name.
My parents aren't great.
[Door closes] EVAN: Morning, Mommy.
- [Exhales] - I'm ready to run.
Oh! Sorry, Evan.
I just got done with a seven-miler, or, as we runners call it, a "7K.
" I thought we were gonna train together.
Someday, sure.
But you shouldn't train with a pro too soon.
As you saw me disappear over the horizon, you would lose all hope of ever catching up.
It'll be demoralizing.
Couldn't you just slow down? Besides, you have to find your own running style.
You can't just copy mine.
That would be plagiarism.
You're right.
You're right.
Now, time to get my blood pumping.
[Click] MAN: But to rally enough support for a revolution, they would have to bring the pain Thomas Paine.
Born in Norfolk [Door closes] LOUIS: Wow, they do a really great job on the prune wrinkles.
- Who does your engraving? - No idea, sir.
I just put 'em up.
I'll always remember where I was when I watched the Golden Prune go up in Cattleman's.
Not sure why you two are so happy.
This thing's the kiss of death.
I'll be back next year to take it down once you're out of business.
I also take 'em down.
[Chuckles] What do you mean, "out of business"? Things have never been better.
Oh, you'll see.
These old fogies, they hear about the Prune, take over a place, then they die off, leaving it with nothing.
Good luck.
Heavy is the restaurant that wears the Prune.
Don't listen to him, Louis.
He's just jealous because he never won a Golden Prune.
[Chuckles] Yeah, you're just jealous! Hey, is this all the orders? - I'd have to check.
- Great.
I've got a movie date with Tina, and she said if we miss the trailers, then why bother? So I planned out the quickest route.
Gotta be punctual for my girl! Y'know, Eddie, I don't think I've ever seen you be happy and productive at the same time before.
I may have been wrong about the whole Tina thing.
I thought she'd bring you down, but if anything, you're bringing her up.
Trent, I don't have time for a lesson on gravity.
Gotta go.
I have to say, being Eddie's best friend is scoring me major Tina points at home.
She hasn't shoved me or made me talk about my feelings in days.
Trent, are you seeing this? Wait a minute.
Aren't these the same people we sat at 4:00? Why are they still here? Ah, they'll bleed into the 8:00 hour! And half of them just ordered juice! [Sighs] Why is gold stuff always cursed? [Yawns] - EVAN: Hi, Mommy.
- Aah! I slept at the kitchen table so I wouldn't miss your morning run.
I see that.
I'm ready to run with a pro.
Let's do it.
But if we're gonna go at your slow pace, I'll get cold.
Let me go grab a sweatshirt.
Aah! Oh! My foot! My running foot! I tripped on the chair, Evan.
I saw.
I don't think I can run now.
Let's see if we have some ice.
Hey, when did that homeless person move onto the lawn? What?! Where?! Is he in the bushes? Lock the door, Evan.
Lock the door! I knew you were faking.
Guess you're so embarrassed of my failure, you won't even be seen with me.
I'll just go on my own.
- [Click] - MAN: But Paul Revere was cunning and devised a plan light one lantern [Grunts] [Grunts] That's why I bring my own bat.
[Grunts] The wood really makes you focus on your form.
[Grunts] [Sighs heavily] So, how'd I do? - Two words "Damn, girl.
" - [Chuckles] Did you make me go first just so you can show me up? Yes.
And it worked.
[Chuckles] Hey, I got you a gift.
I left my gift for you at the mall.
This is a gift for both of us Cooking school classes.
So you'll have all the skills you need to make me those spicy pancakes.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot all about that.
It was just an idea I was spitting while mad flirting.
You know what an idea is if you don't follow through? Nothing.
[Chuckles] You were so excited about it, so let's do it! [Sighs] I don't know.
It kinda sounds like a lot of work, and I have this thing with school where I hate it, so I'm not really looking for more right now.
So that's it? You're just bailing on the pancakes? You're not even gonna try? Whoa.
Why are you turning this into such a big deal? You sound just like my dad.
I'm just trying to help you.
Well, maybe I don't need help.
Maybe I don't need any of this.
[Sighs] Man, Trent was right.
Right about what? Nothing.
It was just Trent didn't feel comfortable with us dating, - so maybe we should just - Are you breaking up with me? [Sighs] I guess so.
Well, you should be, because I'm awesome! [Grunts] So, let me get this straight.
Not only did you break my sister's heart, but then you also blamed it on me? What's wrong with you? Look, Trent, I'm sorry.
The woman owns a Louisville Slugger, Eddie! I-I panicked! I didn't know what else to say.
How about, "Let's keep dating, and Trent's a great guy"? What even happened? I thought you and Tina really liked each other.
I-I did.
I still do.
It's just she kept pushing me to do stuff, and I realized you were right.
She's challenging.
I don't want that.
I wasn't right at all, Eddie.
I thought you were too good for my sister.
Turns out she's too good for you.
[Sighs] I'm glad you made it in here without tripping on another one of your lies.
I think I owe you an explanation.
I wasn't embarrassed of you, Evan.
I was embarrassed of me.
For raising such a failure? Evan, this isn't about Eddie.
[Sighs] Listen.
You know how most people are bad at a lot of things? Yeah.
Well, I only have one thing Running.
But because I only have one, that means I'm really bad at it.
I guess that math checks out.
So, when I saw you struggling, I realized you had inherited my curse, and I got frustrated with myself.
That's why I was so hard on you about the test.
Then you really aren't embarrassed of me? Oh, of course not, Evan.
I could never be embarrassed of you.
All right.
The "Protect Our Everglades" 5K is about to begin.
Look at them.
So spry.
Get your exercise now, before Father Time withers your bodies and you come destroy my restaurant.
Dad, are you okay? No! I guess Mommy decided not to come.
Guess again.
You're here! Enjoy it while you can, slowpoke.
Next time you're gonna see me is at the finish line.
MAN: Please take your positions.
3, 2, 1 [Air horn blows] [Vangelis' "Chariots of Fire" plays] Oh, go on ahead, Evan.
Leave me.
Outrun the curse.
Become president.
[Panting] No.
I want to do this with you.
Get out of the way! Go to Hell! She's trying her best! Eddie, what's wrong? You down about the Prune? No.
Tina and I broke up.
Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
I know getting dumped is always hard, but No.
I broke up with her.
You did what?! Sorry.
You just seemed so happy together.
We were.
I dunno.
I-I guess it just wasn't a good fit.
Okay, if you're gonna ruin my rom-com, you're gonna have to give me a little more than that.
She was always talking about motivating, following through, being the best version of myself.
I-I don't know.
I guess the whole thing seemed like it was gonna be a lot of work.
Ah, there it is.
There what is? Eddie, you do this all the time Bailing when things get tough.
You were so excited to redesign the menus, and as soon as you started to struggle, you gave up.
There are so many fonts.
It was overwhelming.
I know.
It's too much.
But being an adult And especially being in an adult relationship Means not giving up when things get hard.
Being an adult sucks.
But not always.
And having a partner who pushes you to be better makes it suck less.
Look at your mother.
I would never have achieved my dreams if it weren't for her pushing me.
She's a strong, incredible woman.
She's our rock.
[Vomits] It's okay, Mommy.
- A little in your hair - [Vomits] Seems like Tina was just giving you the push you needed.
The best relationships aren't easy.
They're the ones you have to fight for.
So if you really like Tina, then she's worth the work.
Yeah, you're right, Dad.
And I do like her, so Redheaded Huangs, here we come! [Chuckles] Um, all right.
Look! There they are! [Panting, coughing] Those fools need to hurry up.
It's almost mosquito hour.
- [Clanking] - Don't you dare! [Groaning] [Groans] Okay, you're good.
Did we do it? Yes, Mommy.
We did.
Okay, good.
[Grunts] [Doorbell rings] What do you want? I'm sorry.
You were right.
[Bat thuds] I was stupid for breaking up with you just for pushing me to be better.
You're right.
That was stupid.
Are these what I think they are? My spicy pancakes.
I call them Hot Cakes.
So? How is it? Mm.
It's very you.
- Has potential.
- Oh.
Well, do you think you could possibly consider, y'know, taking me back? Maybe later, sure.
What? I'm just not looking to date a project right now.
I've done the work, but listen Take some time, work on yourself.
Then we'll see.
Okay, well, how much time? That depends, man.
It's up to you.
So, how will I know? These are all good questions.
Can I decide I'm ready right now? If you think you are.
I'm so confused.
I can't hold your hand on this.
But hey, I'm rooting for ya! [Door closes] [Chuckles lightly] [Door opens] Hey.
I heard what you said.
Thanks for doing the right thing.
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
So, do you know what Tina was talking about or Never do, buddy.
But I'll be rooting for you, too.
Earn her back.
You can do it.
Ooh, pancakes.
You know what'd be good on these? Don't you dare! [Whispering] Mayonnaise.
Dad I wanna help, but this feels wrong.
I can't change who I am.
Not with that attitude, you can't.
Now go harass some seniors.
We gotta get rid of them.
Dad, I finished the new menus! Even got it down to one page.
Saving paper on paper.
And they're already in circulation.
Ah, that's great, Eddie.
You followed through.
A little tough to read, though.
[Murmuring] Gah, this is a young person's menu! They're leaving! Eddie, you did it! You turned this prune back into a grape! Think you mean "plum," Lou.
Can someone tell Trentina that I chased out a bunch of old people?