Frisky Dingo (2006) s01e02 Episode Script

Meet Awesome X

1 [Dramatic music, siren wails] [Yelling] And the city burns.
Behind me, brave firefighters heroically fight the blaze started in a battle between Disastron, the last surviving member of the Chaos Council and our very own Awesome X.
- Awesome X? - Awesome X.
- Ahem.
- What? Rumor has it, now that you've defeated all the supervillains, that you and your mercenary robots--the Xtacles-- Oh, hey, good! Big shout-out to the Xtades.
! Couldn't have done it without you guys.
Oh, that was nice.
God, I wish we had TiVo.
Oh, now you want TiVo.
You'll finally be retiring.
Is that accurate? No.
Ever--ever vigilant.
- I am a beacon ofvigilance.
- OK.
Also a beacon of fighting.
- And now that you're retiring-- - I'm not retiring.
I guess the thanks of a grateful city are yours.
Oh, uh You're welcome, city.
For Force 10 News, I'm-- Thank you.
- Thank you, city.
You're awesome.
For Force 10 News, I'm Grace Ryan.
And I am Awesome X! Yeah, who started a rumor Awesome X is retiring? - I may have - Stan? on behalf of Awesome X, issued a press release.
CREWS: What the hell did you do that for? Because now that Awesome X has defeated all the supervillains in the city-- - Ka-kow! - It's time Xander Crews got focused-- Lame.
On running his huge multinational conglomerate.
Now, all that superhero nonsense was all well and good-- Nonsense?! Stan, I was avenging the untimely deaths of my murdered parents Who were murdered.
- Yes, but-- - Stan, hang on.
[Telephone rings] Telephone.
I'm blowing up here.
Go time.
[Continues ringing] [sighs] - Go time.
- Operator.
[Ringing] Go time.
- GRACE: Hi, baby.
It's me.
- [Sighs] Did you see my interview with Awesome X? - Yes, I did.
- GRACE: Well, what did you think? .
- GRACE: I thought it went great.
- Can you hang on a second? - GRACE: OK.
- OK.
- [Dial tone] Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, my God, she's gonna be mad I did that.
I don't even know why I did it.
[Dial tone] Do you think I'm selfish? - [Horn honks, sirens wailing] - Are we still on for tonight? Xander? I guess the network's down.
Uh, I've got 6 bars.
- Me, too.
- Yeah, me, too.
Are you people gonna load out or dick around with your phones all day? - 6 bars.
- [Sniggering] STAN: That will be all, Watley.
WATLEY: if there's anything else I-- STAN: Get out! CREWS: Damn, dawg.
What's all this bidness? STAN: That's exactly what it is-- business.
STAN: P&L's, balance sheets, earnings estimates.
CREWS: And why is it on my desk? Because it's time you learned how to run a business.
And the first thing you're going to do is fire the Xtacles.
[Ga5P5] The Xtacles are the backbone of the Awesome X Fighting Force.
They're also a $5 million annual drain on the company's bottom line.
[Scoffs] Is that all you care about, Stan, the bottom line? - Yes! - CREWS: Well unless we all of a sudden lose $5 million somehow, - I'm not firing my dawgs.
- Damn it-- And I have to go ride in my limo.
All that cheese (Hey, all that cheese) Tell you how it is [Cell phone rings] Go time Except if it's Stan.
- Hey, baby.
It's me.
- Hey.
- You know what I was thinking? - Uh-uh.
Now I won't be covering those crazy battles between Supervillains and Awesome X all the time, and now I can really concentrate on us.
Huh? I mean talk about [Jackhammer drowns out voice] maybe finally unfreezing some of your sperm.
You--When did you freeze my sperm?! - Oh, I always do that.
Ha ha.
- What?! Well, we can talk about that tonight.
See you at your place at 7:00.
[Phone beeps] Taco supreme Super head, tell Bill Maher I'm coming for you, baby - Yeah, baby.
- CREWS: [Grunting] Oh, yeah! Yeah, baby.
CREWS: Oh! This is so wrong.
- FROSTITUTE: Oh, God! - CREWS: Oh, my God! - FROSTITUTE: Oh, yeah.
- CREWS: I'm with a prostitute.
Yeah, come on, you big black son of a bitch! Oh, yeah! CREWS: What?! - CREWS: Where did that come from? - PROSTITUTE: What? CREWS: Oh, no.
Don't stop.
I like it.
[Groaning] - ELECTRONIC VOICE: Granted access.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! - PROSTITUTE: Oh, don't stop! - Shut up, hooker.
GRACE: Xander? Baby, you up here? GRACE: You have got to move that crazy suit of armor, before it kills somebody or--aagh! What--what are you doing here? Xan-uh, Billy-- Xander Crews said I could use his place for this - GRACE: He-- - CREWS: hooker.
- GRACE: You know him? - We went to college together.
No, we didn't.
Get out of here! He will be at your place in one hour.
- GRACE: I just--l-- - CREWS: No time, woman.
CREWS: He despises tardiness.
You should know that.
Go! Get out! Oh, sorry.
Oh, my God.
I did not mean for her to see this.
Xander Crews.
Oh, let's go back to the black-- big black guy thing.
You're Awesome X! [Ga5P5] Oh, boy.
STAN: $5 million?! - I had to pay her off! - STAN: Damn it! Well, I can't have some blabbity-mouth hooker running around with my secret identity.
That's the first thing they teach you.
STAN: Nobody cares about your secret identity.
It's to protect my loved ones.
You don't have any loved ones! [Ga5P5] Stan! What, who? The girlfriend you treat like dirt? Your murdered parents? CREWS: Oh.
STAN: And you can say good-bye to the Xtacles.
- What-what?! - STAN: What what? You just spent their entire salary for the year.
Oh, see, I knew you were gonna trick me into doing this! Me?! You're the one who paid $5 million for a blowjob! L It was a half and half First of all.
Second of all, OK.
I'm going.
[Sighs] Awesome X to Excalibur, I'm on final approach.
XTACLE: He's coming.
Everybody in position.
[Guns cocking] Yo.
Where the hell are you guys? XTACLES: Surprise! Ambush! [Screaming] [Making laser sounds] [Screaming] Go time, mother-humpers! Awesome! Awesome! Bring it, you cyborg sons of bitches! What are you doing?! It's a surprise party.
[Clears throat] Do what now? 'Cause we love you.
[Groans] Well, why the hell were you pointing those damn guns at me?! [Bubbling] XTACLE: We got them at the party store.
Hey, guys, hey! Check this out.
I will open communist China to the West.
Put that back.
I thought you wanted to kill me 'cause I came up here to fire you.
XTACLES: What?! Yeah, take a knee, gang.
But the Crews Company funds the entire Awesome X operation.
So, you know, take it up with Xander Crews.
- XTACLE: Let's kill that son of a bitch! - ALL: Yeah! - CREWS: No, you know, let's-- Let's don't-- - XTACLE: Kill him! He's a good guy.
We don't kill good guys.
We kill bad guys.
Come on.
- XTACLE: So, uh - It's in our charter.
What's up with our 401 Ks? - My retirement! - Yeah, what is up with that? [G roans] - Oh, what the-- - That's my nest egg! We're still gonna have health insurance, right? Oh, my God! Health insurance, I need that! CREWS: Ahem.
' Oh' my God! - What?! - Are we at least eligible for Cobra? - What, the little The G.
Joe dolls? No.
Not the G.
Joe dolls.
Oh, that reminds me.
Give me the The--where it is? Kevin made you this-- We all kind of helped-- Before you shot him in the face.
Oh! You guys! [Ga5P5] CREWS: Guys, is this I mean, this is-- - XTACLE: Yeah, it's sculpy.
- CREWS: It's awesome! XTACLE: Well, we all kind of helped.
CREWS: And I think I just found a way to save our jobs.
XTACLE: Mmm Except Kevin.
- And Mike.
- Uh, both Mikes.
CREWS: Oh, Fat Mike, too? [Harrumphing] STAN: Order, please, gentlemen.
Order! Now then.
First item on the agenda is-- [can jingles] Mr.
Crews! CREWS: Hey! No, no! Don't get up.
- CREWS: How's it going? How's every-- - [Harrumphing] CREWS: body doing? Weird.
So, Mr.
Crews, this is certainly a surprise.
Yeah, I bet.
But I'm here.
I'm here to run the company, So - MAN: Harrumph! - CREWS: Hey! Hey, buddy.
And also, um [Opens briefcase] From now on, we're doing this.
STAN: I'm sorry? 'Cause I converted all our factories over to making these little guys.
- You what? - [Harrumphing] Whoosh! Wha! That's him flying.
- CREWS: What?! - STAN: Doll factory?! You said if I can make the Awesome X brand a profitable part of this company, CREWS: I could keep on doing whatever I want.
No, I didn't.
- Well, you implied it.
- No! - Hey! - I did not! Tone of voice! Look, I don't care what Boys From Brazil thing you got going on in there, but I'm still the boss in here.
And we're making Awesome X dolls, and they're gonna kick so much ass, you'll probably go blind.
And if you still have a problem with that, there's the big-ass door.
You're not gonna sell doll one without a villain, you ninny-- A Cobra to your G.
Joe; a Stretch Monster to your Stretch Armstrong; a Decepticon to your Autobot.
I'm one step ahead of you, Stan.
CREWS: Check it.
Oh, sweet mother of God.
Hi, Mister-- [Coughing] - STAN: Watley? - Yeah! No, no.
This monster man is? - The Dread Lobster.
- CREWS: The Dread Lobster.
- STAN: What? - He's a supervillain for Awesome X to battle so we can, uh drive the sales, Stan.
- Thoughts? - He's an abomination! What! It was his idea! Which, looking back, I guess I really didn't think through.
Keep 'em up, buddy.
Chicka-chicka! Why is he so pale? Oh, why are you so pale, Watley? I think maybe my body is rejecting the claws.
CREWS: Well, cut it out.
[coughs] CREWS: Watley? Watley? Oh.
Is he dead? He's damn close.
Take his neck pulse.
- STAN: That's what I'm-- - Don't go into the light, Watley! - You imbecile! - Hey! - Hurtful.
- Sit down! 250 years this company has been in your family.
And from slaves and small pox blankets to soft-core porn and semiconductors, it's always made a profit.
But with one fell idiotic swoop, you've ruined it.
I'm just glad your murdered parents-- My murdered parents wanted me to be happy! And this can make me happy, Stan.
[Sniffles] Fiscal sales of Awesome X dolls.
Nobody is going to buy a superhero doll without a villain to fight! Well, then I'm kind of at a loss.
Unless - Oh, what about this guy for the villain? - STAN: What? My man? - When did this get here? - CREWS: Uh Apparently, it's been here the whole time.
Demon retime + .
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