Full House s02e06 Episode Script

Beach Boy Bingo

"And Cinderella and the handsome prince lived happily ever after.
" Wasn't that a nice story? Again.
Again? Okay.
"Once upon a time, Cinderella lost a shoe found a shoe and lived happily ever after.
" Bad story.
Again.
Pretty smart for somebody who drools.
"Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a girl named Ella who was both kind and very beautiful.
" Stephanie, what are you doing? I'm looking for the giant glow-in-the-dark dinosaur.
You know Dad's rule: Never put your arm inside somebody else's breakfast.
Uh-oh.
He escaped.
Cowabunga, beach bunnies.
All right.
Surf's up, dude.
Hi, Daddy.
I cannot believe The Beach Boys are gonna be on my show today.
I am stoked.
Whatever that means.
You like The Beach Boys.
I like The Beach Boys.
We both like the same group? I must be getting old.
[SINGING "'CASSIUS' LOVE VS.
'SONNY' WILSON"] Boy, we're mediocre.
JESSE: Morning, girls.
D.
J.
: Morning.
JOEY: Morning, girls.
STEPH: Hold it.
Steph, what are you doing? Looking for a dinosaur.
Check the Flintstone vitamins.
Thanks again for inviting me and Jess to meet The Beach Boys.
Are you kidding? Joey, remember the first time we ever heard The Beach Boys? - We tried to become surfers.
- What a disaster.
Who knew ironing boards didn't float? I remember the first time I heard "Good Vibrations.
" I was in the first grade.
I turned to my date and said, "Have mercy.
" What the heck is this? That can't be my giant glow-in-the-dark dinosaur.
It looks more like a dino-shrimp.
MAN: Thirty seconds, Danny.
Guys, hang in there.
The Beach Boys will be on in the next segment.
- All right.
- Go get them.
Jess, I have a crazy idea.
No.
You know our jingle for Beach Butter suntan lotion we've been trying to sell? - Sure.
Beach Butter, butter your bod.
- Butter your bod.
- Yeah, I know the one.
- Yeah.
Well, suntan lotion The Beach Boys, our Beach Butter jingle.
- Getting any connection here? - Joseph, these guys are legends, man.
We can't ask The Beach Boys to sing a measly jingle.
- It wouldn't hurt to ask.
- Wrong.
You ask, and I'll hurt you.
Welcome back.
I am stoked.
Whatever that means.
Well, according to our schedule my cohost Rebecca is walking down the hall with The Beach Boys as we speak.
And now I'm getting a note.
And now I'm getting a migraine.
Oh, The Beach Boys' plane can't land due to fog.
But, hey, I promised you'd hear "Good Vibrations" and I never break a promise.
- Oh, no, he wouldn't.
- He shouldn't.
I'm pickin' up good vibrations She's giving me excitations Then, the second guy goes: Good, good, good, good vibrations Then, the third guy goes: Good, good, good, good vibrations Then, the fourth guy goes: [HUMMING] Then, the machine goes: [HUMMING] Okay.
Great-- Oh.
Hi, Mr.
Tanner.
Ironing your tie again? - Is D.
J.
home? - She's doing her homework.
But I'm sure you'll put an end to that.
Tough break about The Beach Boys not showing up.
I guess they had something better to do.
Ever hear of fog, Gibbler? JESSE: Danny, where's the radio at? Quick.
Turn it on.
They're playing our jingle at 3:45.
Shh.
Here we go.
Here we go.
MAN: From a waffle to a falafel, you can get it all at Beano's.
- Here it comes.
MEN [SINGING]: Eat at Beano's.
That's it? I can't believe it.
They chopped our jingle to shreds.
It's supposed to go: Eat at Beano's today Those butchers! MAN: Okay, it's time for our big contest where you can win a dream night with The Beach Boys.
Whoa, fellas.
MAN: Including two front row seats for tomorrow night's concert.
Just be our seventh caller and name The Beach Boys hit.
No, wait! It's the seventh caller.
"Hello, you're the third caller.
Hello, you're the fourth caller.
- Hello, you're the fifth--" - Give me that! Hello--? D.
J.
, sorry.
D.
J.
was on the phone.
Better get that kid her own line, folks.
We have our seventh caller.
What's your name? D.
J.
[ON RADIO]: D.
J.
Tanner.
D.
J.
? - D.
J.
, you're on the radio.
- I know, I know.
Be quiet.
MAN: Pardon me? - Not you.
MAN: Okay, D.
J.
Tanner, for that dream night with The Beach Boys can you name this hit song? [MUSIC PLAYING] "Help Me, Rhonda.
" Uh.
The name of the song is.
Help me, Gibbler.
Help me, Gibbler? Could you repeat that answer please? - What did I just say? - You said, "Help me, Gibbler.
" Uh, I think what I said was "Help me.
" ALL: Rhonda! - Rhonda? MAN: That's right!"Help Me, Rhonda.
" - We did it! DANNY: We won! D.
J.
Tanner, you're going to be picked up in a limousine - by The Beach Boys themselves.
D.
J.
: Oh, yes! You'll travel with them to their sold-out concert.
Oh, thank you, thank you! All right, a night with rock 'n' roll royalty, folks.
And another chance to pitch them Beach Butter.
Maybe I can get them back on my show.
Have you thought about who you'll be bringing with you to share this once-in-a-lifetime night with The Beach Boys? [CLEARING THROAT] Everyone in San Francisco would love to go.
But remember, you can only bring one lucky guest.
Only one? Me.
Me.
Cheeseburgers for breakfast? - Hey, I can scramble yours if you like.
- Look, I know what he's up to.
He's making D.
J.
's favorite food to butter her up so she'll take him to The Beach Boys concert.
Joseph, you're a disgrace.
Uncle Jesse, thanks for making a tape of my favorite songs.
One disgrace burger.
Hey, I had an extra tape.
And five hours to kill.
Cheeseburgers for breakfast? Nice touch, Joey.
Any fries? I bet I know who wants a plate of my mom's double fudge brownies.
- I do! I do! - Dream on, squirt.
These are for D.
J.
, from her best friend Kimmy, with love.
If you think she's gonna pick you over her own sister then you haven't seen how I made her bed this morning.
Guys, enough of this.
D.
J.
is not gonna make her choice based on bribes or special treatment.
That's not how I raised my daughter, my first-born.
- Now, tell everybody who you're picking.
- Yeah, here we go.
Okay, here it goes.
I pick.
Boy, I hate to see this end.
I wish I could take all of you.
But since I can't, I pick.
- Uncle Jesse.
- Oh, yeah! Have mercy.
- Thank you.
- Hey, congratulations.
JESSE: Thanks.
STEPH: Congratulations.
Well, what a surprise.
Have a great time, Jess.
Thanks.
I'll bring you guys back T-shirts and stuff.
JOEY: Two T-shirts.
D.
J.
: Yeah.
Oh, Michelle, that's so abstract, so surreal.
- Pretty.
- Pretty.
Yes, that too.
But, honey, the secret to great art is to keep all the paint on the paper.
Dad, is this a good outfit for tonight? Oh, yeah, that's beautiful, honey.
You're gonna have a great time.
- I can't wait.
- D.
J.
, hold on.
Just out of curiosity how come you picked Uncle Jesse to go with you tonight? Because he loves The Beach Boys and he's a musician.
Oh.
Well, that makes sense.
I mean, Dad, you're a talk-show host.
If I won a night with Oprah Winfrey, I would definitely pick you.
Well, thanks, but I like music too.
Just because I'm not in a band.
I mean, I grew up with The Beach Boys.
But, hey, it's no big deal.
- Dad, you don't feel bad, do you? - No, no, it's no problem.
After all, I got to go with you to see Smurfs On Ice.
Go ahead.
Go get dressed.
Okay, Dad.
Pretty.
Oh, Michelle.
Honey, on the paper.
On the paper.
Daddy pretty.
Oh, no, Michelle.
Can you say "dry cleaner"? Say, "dry cleaner.
" Jess, picture it.
You and D.
J.
sitting in a limo with The Beach Boys you just happen to have a tape of our awesome totally tubular gnarly Beach Butter jingle, dude.
A, don't call me "dude.
" B, it's a dumb idea.
And two, I don't have a tape.
Check your pocket.
How do you do that? - Never mind.
Just think about it.
- Okay.
Get out.
You need to mellow down, dude.
I'm serious, man.
I said, can you--? Hi, how are you? Come on in.
Jesse, look at this.
An original Michelle Tanner.
One day this will be hanging in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
On their refrigerator.
Oh, great, you're both here.
I forgot I promised Kimmy we'd go ice-skating.
So, Dad, I want you to go with Uncle Jesse to The Beach Boys tonight.
Have a great time.
JESSE: D.
J.
? What was that all about? Oh, maybe she thinks she hurt my feelings when she picked you to go, instead of her own father.
Did she hurt your feelings? Well, maybe a little.
I just thought she'd wanna go with her dad.
But I guess I can't compete with Uncle Rock 'n' Roll.
What are you saying here? You're saying that you're jealous of me? If there's anybody who should be jealous, it should be me jealous of you.
That makes no sense.
Danny, you have something going with these girls that I will never have.
I mean, like Stephanie.
When she made her first ceramic handprint who did she give it to? Dad.
And what was Michelle's very first word? - Cookie.
- After cookie.
She looked up to you and she said, "Dada.
" And D.
J.
, when she gets married, who's gonna march her down the aisle? - Dad.
- That's right, Dad.
See, there's three good reasons why I envy you.
I just hope one day I'm lucky enough to have kids that love me as much as those girls love you.
They do worship me, don't they? Jesse thanks for reminding me how lucky I am.
You're gonna hug me, aren't you? - You leave me no choice.
- Oh, jeez.
D.
J.
, look.
I'm sorry I put you in a tough spot.
Picking Uncle Jesse was fine.
You two should just go and have a great time.
But The Beach Boys mean a lot to you.
I want you to go.
D.
J.
, I've changed my mind about The Beach Boys.
- I want you to go with your father.
- I'm not going.
Well, I'm not going.
This concert was supposed to be fun.
Now everybody's either hurt or disappointed.
It's just not worth it.
I'm not going.
I'll go.
- You'll go where? - To see The Beach Boys.
Wanna be my date? What are you wearing? We should coordinate.
Hold it.
D.
J.
is going.
I said, I'm not going.
Well, if you're not going, then no one is going.
D.
J.
: Then fine, no one go.
JESSE: What do you mean? [PHONE RINGING] JOEY: Why don't you go? JESSE: You're out of it.
Hello? Excuse me! I'm on the phone.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Bye.
- Who was it? - Some Beach Boy.
He called from a limo right in our driveway.
I told him no one was going.
- Wait! JESSE: Hold it! D.
J.
: Wait! Did I miss something? - Catch them.
- Hold it! DANNY: I hope they're still-- - Wait, wait, wait.
Wait! ALL: Okay.
Hey, you're The Beach Boys.
Come on in.
Would you mind wiping your feet first? - Thanks, I got a clean thing.
JESSE: Come on in, Dr.
Love.
- Carl Wilson.
D.
J.
: Hi.
JOEY: Hey.
DANNY: Hi.
Nice to see you.
JESSE: Hi, Brian.
DANNY: Hi.
- Hi.
BRIAN: Hi.
JOEY: Hi.
DANNY: Hi.
Wow.
You're Al.
You're Bruce.
You're Brian.
You're Carl.
You're Mike.
AL: Hi, Bruce.
How are you doing? BRUCE: Hey, Mike, Carl.
- I love your song.
I love your music.
CARL: Hey, Mike.
Is there a D.
J.
Tanner here? Yeah, that's me.
Hi.
We hear you're not coming to the concert.
Bon Jovi in town? No, it's a long story.
- Well, we've got time.
- They never start the show without us.
Let's order a vegetarian pizza.
Hey, who are these guys? Well, Stephanie, I'd like to introduce to you the legendary Beach Boys.
Big boys.
Cute kid.
[SINGING "KOKOMO"] JESSE: Yeah! - All right! D.
J.
: Yeah! JESSE: Yeah! Man, this is great.
Hanging out with The Beach Boys.
Singing.
Eating pizza.
You guys wanna come up and see my room? What am I saying? - Uh, Jess, come here for a minute.
- Oh, okay.
Excuse me, Beach Boys.
This is our big chance.
They're at our house.
- Give them our tape.
- That's a good point.
They're cool guys.
Hanging out with us, eating pizza.
I'm gonna give it a shot.
- Go get them, partner.
- All right.
I don't have a tape.
Check your pocket.
How do you do that? Thanks, it's really been a great evening.
And for once, nobody bugged us to listen to some song they've written.
I hate when that happens, Mike.
Okay, D.
J.
, who's coming with you? Uh.
Well.
Beach Boy huddle.
Come on.
[HUMMING] Well, we talked it over and we'd like all of you to be our guests.
JESSE: All right! D.
J.
: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Thanks, Bruce.
DANNY: This is so kind of you guys.
Thank you so much.
Kokomo.
A request.
[SINGING "KOKOMO"] [CROWD WHISTLING AND CHEERING] MIKE: Number one, thank you! BRUCE: Thank you, "Kokomo.
" That was really good.
Thank you for singing along, everybody, on "Kokomo.
" And now, we'd like to introduce some new friends to help us sing our next song.
They are the Tanner family! [SINGING "BARBARA ANN"] MIKE: Yeah! BRUCE: How about the Tanner family! Let's hear it for the Tanner family, San Francisco! All right!