Full House s02e12 Episode Script

Okay, Michelle.
I'm putting my act together for tonight.
What's your favorite impression? Jay Leno? So have you seen this in the paper? Now, this is ridiculous.
This never seems to happen to you or I.
It always seem to happen to those two wacky brothers living in Idaho.
Is it Rodney Dangerfield? Oh, boy, I get no respect.
Michelle, you know, when I was a baby my parents used to save the dirty diapers and throw me away.
You don't know comedy when you see it.
No respect.
No respect? Me funny.
You funny? You little monster.
Kiss.
Michelle, that smells delicious.
- What are you making? - Eggs.
Eggs.
Oh, look, and you prepared them my favorite way polyvinyl-side up.
Daddy, can you make French toast for breakfast? Dad, don't listen to her.
Waffles, waffles, waffles.
- French toast.
- Waffles.
Hey, hold it! We'll go to the tie-breaker.
Michelle, you want French toast or waffles? Cookies.
I can live with that.
Jess, you better check the expiration date on that mousse.
I've never seen anyone look so wiped out.
Joseph, we did it.
We stayed up all night, but finally finished that jingle.
Yeah, that sunrise was real inspiring.
Good morning.
I'm here for the weekend.
They're just kidding.
Kimmy, we're gonna have so much fun.
I'll get it.
Thanks for letting me stay, Mr.
Tanner.
Don't forget, I'm allergic to dairy products feather pillows and 6-year-olds.
Don't look at me, I'm 6 and three quarters.
Your parents are coming back Sunday? Absolutely.
Wednesday at the latest.
Who wants to chip in for a hotel? - Joey? - Cheryl.
Are you the same Joey I've been dating for two months? No, I'm Joey's grungy twin brother, Sloppy Joe.
Let me go get Handsome Joe.
Hold on.
I'm just on my way to the gym and I thought I'd stop by and see if maybe you wanna go skiing.
Really? You wanna go away with me knowing this could happen again tomorrow morning? Well, you haven't seen my evil twin yet.
No-makeup Cheryl.
I'll pick you up around 5.
Strawberry jelly donut.
I'll pick up a dozen for the weekend.
- Bye, Joey.
- Bye.
- See you.
- Bye.
All right.
- What are you doing? - The Loco-Motion.
- Where did you get this tape? - It was in there.
Oh, no.
Please tell me you didn't tape over my Casa de Pancakes jingle.
- What are you doing? - The Loco-Motion.
I can't believe it, it's gone.
You guys destroyed it! I have to do the whole thing again.
Not the whole thing.
You've still got: This is my room.
You have no right being in here without my permission.
- But-- - No buts.
- But-- - What did I just say? How much does it take to check a tape before you record over it? Why don't you just get out of here before I get mad.
Before? Look, I'm really sorry.
It was an accident.
But you don't have to worry, I'll never come in here again.
- What happened? - They messed up my jingle tape.
Joey's going away, I'll have to do this whole thing over again.
- Don't you think you're overreacting? - Overreacting? You think I'm overreacting? I'm not overreacting! I spent the whole night working this out now my whole life is ruined! Okay, now I'm overreacting.
Jess you lost your temper again, huh? Well, she shouldn't be in here-- I'm just tired.
I lost my cool.
I did come down on her pretty hard, didn't I? - She'll be okay? - I think you better straighten this out.
Yeah, all right.
- I know just how to handle this.
- Good.
Jesse.
Do you need a hug? Haven't I been through enough? Hi, Michelle.
What a day.
D.
J.
was playing all day with Kimmy Gibble-burger.
I don't believe I'm gonna say this but would you play with me? No.
Please.
Pretty please.
I'll play anything you want.
Horsy.
Okay, hop on.
Go horsy.
Come on.
Mr.
Bear, I can't believe I've sunk this low.
Deej, I need to see you downstairs! What'd I do now? You didn't do anything.
I got a fun surprise for you.
Be careful.
It could be a trick.
It's not a trick.
"Harry Levin Trio"? Well, I got a good deal.
Harry's going back in the deli business.
Deej, they're for you.
For me? Why? Well, I just wanted to make sure we're buddies.
- We cool now? - Yeah, I guess.
All right, this is great.
Thanks for the skins, bud.
Okay, give them a try, Deej.
Okay.
How am I doing? Well, you're facing the right direction.
Here, let me show you.
I played a little in junior high school.
See if I remember anything.
Well, see, what you do is you start off with the bass drum like this.
Then you add the snare.
Then you add the high-hat.
And before long, you get this: Hey, what a welcome.
Look, we got drums.
No, we got drums.
No, I got drums.
- Come on, we better get to Tahoe.
- Better hurry up.
- The fog is really getting thick.
- How thick is it? Well, I wouldn't say it's as thick as pea soup but people are throwing croutons out their windows.
And now let's have a big round of applause for the Harry Levin Trio.
Thank you.
You're a nutty guy.
Thanks very much.
Thank you, boys.
Don't forget to turn off the bubble machine.
Bye.
- How you doing, Pop? - Hey.
- Hey, Jess.
Looking good.
- You too.
Thanks.
- How's it going, daddy-o? - Everything is great.
I thought I'd find you here.
Girls, your grandpa's moving in forever.
- Give Grandma a hug.
- Hi, Grandma.
- What'd you do this time? - Well, I simply suggested that she spend a little less time at night school and concentrate on her domestic responsibilities.
His exact words were: "Yo, Irene, drop out of that flaky college, come home and make me dinner.
" - I don't talk like that.
First place-- - That's just what you-- There's kids in the room.
D.
J.
, I didn't know you could play the drums.
I can't.
Listen.
Oh, no.
That racket is coming from my house.
Dad, Uncle Jesse bought me these drums.
Oh, did he really? Oh, good old Uncle J.
Uncle J.
, could I see you in the K? Right away? Why, yes, you may.
When can I have a turn? Right after I get good at this.
So I guess the answer is never.
Drums? Did I do something to you? Come on, Danny, every kid in America wants a set of drums.
Good.
Then we'll have no trouble selling them.
Will you please stop that drumming? Oh, sorry.
What possessed you to buy her drums? Well, I felt bad about yelling at her, so I thought I'd buy her something to kind of make things better.
That's how you solve problems? You buy the kid off? It worked.
She loves the drums.
She loves me.
What's your problem? My problem is, instead of talking to D.
J you went out and bought her the world's most obnoxious gift.
A thousand apologies for bringing the joy of music into a young girl's life.
- Jesse-- - No, don't worry.
I'll handle this.
Deej I got bad news.
Your dad doesn't want you to have the drums.
But Dad, they're a present from Uncle Jesse.
- That's not fair.
- Thanks, Jess.
Now I'm the bad guy.
Come on, Danny, let the kid have a drum.
Nick, I think you should let them work it out.
Now that I live here, I should be involved.
You live here now? Nick will tell you all about it.
Then you can call me at home, and I'll tell you what really happened.
- Goodbye, everybody.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Grandma.
- Bye-bye.
She'll be back.
- I'm back.
- Did I call it? I am back because the fog is so thick I couldn't see the steps.
Looks like you're moving in too, huh, Ma? Well, isn't this great? Here we are, all fogged in together.
One big, happy family.
And, of course, the Harry Levin Trio.
Dad, did you decide about my drums yet? No, honey.
I wanna sleep on it.
Isn't it more comfortable to sleep on your bed? - Came to say good night.
- Good night, Grandpa.
Night, Danny.
Good night, honey.
Okay, good night.
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, honey.
- Good night.
- I'll be sleeping in Joey's room in case anybody wants to beg for forgiveness.
- Good night, kids.
- Good night, Grandma.
- Good night.
- Good night, Grandpa.
Okay, everybody in bed.
Dad, how come everybody's mad tonight? Maybe it's because Kimmy Gibbler's here.
I don't think so.
Maybe.
"I meant what I said and I said what I meant.
An elephant's faithful 100 percent.
" Look at that elephant.
Look at that elephant.
Hi.
- Just came in to check on Michelle.
- Don't worry.
I didn't buy her a thing.
So, Michelle, where were we? Oh, yes.
So.
The nice handsome prince with great hair gave the young princess a magical, musical gift.
Just then the tall, geeky giant came in and took the gift away.
The princess was so sad and that, Michelle, was the day the music died.
Give me my kid.
Geeky giant.
Geeky giant.
Yeah, Michelle, that was my favorite part too.
Give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
Let me tell you the real story.
Once upon a time the tall and lean and elegant prince from the Land of Wisdom came to save the princess from the hotheaded troubadour who spent way too much time on his hair.
Geeky giant.
Does she snore that loud because she has all that air in her head? This is so weird.
She never snores when she's sleeping in class.
Let's get her out of here.
Come on, Kimmy.
Get up.
It's time for your sleep walk.
Come on.
Come on.
I pity the fool who marries this woman.
- Let's go, Kimmy.
Come on.
- Come on.
Come on, Kimmy.
Let's go visit your new bed.
- Why? - Because you snore like a garbage truck.
Look, Kimmy, here's your new bed.
Snore your head off.
Now you're Michelle's problem.
Oh, no.
Sorry we never made it out of town.
Yeah, me too.
At least that fog cleared up a little or we'd still be driving around that Kmart parking lot.
- Good night.
- Night.
Irene? That you? Hello, sweetheart.
You wanna kiss and make up? I don't know.
First college, now this? What's going on? Oh, my God.
Mom.
- What's going on here? - Nick.
Never in a million, billion years would I be in here with your wife.
What's wrong with his wife? Nothing.
You're a very attractive woman.
Hey, back off, man.
That's my mommy you're talking about.
- Sorry.
- Here, put a robe on.
Nobody wants to see this.
Nick, your wife shouldn't be sleeping alone.
She loves to cuddle.
All right, now that you're both awake sit down and settle this problem.
Hey, all right, I'm sorry I lost my temper.
First thing in the morning we'll go to that shop you like buy you a brand-new outfit.
Nick, you can't just buy me a new outfit and expect everything to be all better.
You're right.
I'll throw in a pair of shoes.
Help me here.
Pop, she wants to talk about the problem.
She doesn't want you to buy her gifts.
You can't just buy-- - Oh, boy.
- What's the matter? The geeky giant was right.
I did the same thing with D.
J.
that you're doing with Mom.
Pop, I got a lot of great things from you.
I got your pride, your ambition your hair.
Thank you, by the way.
But I also got your temper.
And let's face it.
It gets us in a lot of trouble, doesn't it? Are you two ready to really talk to each other? When you say "you two" you really mean me.
I think we can do better, Pop.
- Yeah, you're right, Jess.
- Good.
Because this fog is gonna lift and frankly, Father, you can't live here.
That's my boy.
About this drum thing, I'm sorry.
I was wrong, and you were right.
Thanks, Jess.
What's going on down there? D.
J.
, what are you doing up? Well, first it was Kimmy snoring, and then there was a loud crash then people screaming.
This time I was on my way back from the bathroom.
Can you come down here? I wanna talk to you.
- Now? - Jess, it's 3:00 in the morning.
- Can't it wait? - I just wanna tell her - that I was wrong, and you were right.
- D.
J.
, get down here.
Come on, honey.
Uncle Jesse needs to talk to you right away.
Dad, can I keep my drum set? - Yes, you can keep the drums.
- All right.
But the sticks have gotta go.
D.
J.
I should have talked to you today about our fight instead of buying you a big gift.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
You know, kid people have things they don't like about themselves and.
Well, me, I have my temper.
And sometimes I say things the wrong way and I hurt the people that I love.
I don't blame you for being mad at me.
I did tape over your pancake jingle.
But I didn't handle it right.
I embarrassed you in front of your friend, I hurt your feelings and then I tried to buy your forgiveness.
That was wrong.
You know what I'm saying? Kind of.
Maybe this will help you.
When I was a kid and I did something wrong my dad would blow his top and send me to my room.
A couple hours later, he'd come back with a Batman comic book.
And that's how I knew everything was okay.
But we never.
We never talked about the problem.
You know, we never talked about our feelings, the way I felt.
I don't want that to happen to you and me.
I want our relationship to be better than that.
I think we're doing pretty good.
You ain't seen nothing yet, kid.
When I was your age, I used to get in so much trouble.
I remember this one time I was playing football and Pop was watching TV.
His favorite show, The Beverly Hillbillies.
I kicked a field goal right through Jethro's face.
He yelled at me all night long.
He had nothing better to do, the TV was busted.
Anyway, kid, the point that I'm trying to make here is.
D.
J.
? D.
J.
? And they lived happily ever after.