Full House s02e21 Episode Script

Luck Be a Lady (1)

Okay, Michelle, your lunch is ready.
Michelle? [MICHELLE BARKING LIKE A DOG] What have we here? I am a doggy.
- Well, you're a very pretty doggy.
- Daddy be doggy.
[BARKING] Nice doggy.
Go get it.
All right, but I'm not sleeping outside tonight.
[PANTING] Go and get it.
[BARKING] Go get it.
[GROWLS] Okay, Michelle, which of these two dresses do you wanna take on our trip to Lake Tahoe? That one.
Oh, yeah, I'm looking forward to those shopping years.
All right, this suitcase should be big enough for Michelle.
Okay, Jesse.
Michelle, get out of there.
You're carryon luggage.
All right, boys, I better warn you.
You're not gonna see me much this weekend because I'm gonna spend every moment with Becky.
Jesse, this trip is for work.
Rebecca and I are doing our first show on location.
If this goes well I might get more free vacations.
Well, I just hope she can keep her mind on her work because this weekend, I'm going to tell her the three little words that every woman wants to hear.
Honey, I'm wrong.
I love you.
Jess, I am so touched.
You and Becky have been going out a long time.
You haven't told her "I love you" yet? Well, you know how Becky is, she likes to take things slow and I didn't wanna scare her off, but I'm crazy about this girl.
I can't keep my feelings in any longer.
It's gonna be beautiful.
I'm gonna take her in my arms, passionately look into her eyes and say: Hi, is the cab here yet? - Yeah.
We gotta go.
- Let's go.
JESSE: Lake Tahoe.
JOEY: Yeah.
- See you downstairs.
- Do you have everything? Okay.
Don't forget me.
Guys, I think you forgot something.
What did we--? Oh, Michelle.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to forget you.
I'm not mad.
- Jess, I am so excited about this trip.
- Yeah, me too.
Rebecca, this is gonna be a trip that you will never, I mean, never forget.
Tell me about it.
Todd Masters is gonna be on our show.
He is the biggest movie star I've ever interviewed.
What a hunk.
"What a hunk.
" Okay, girls, this is your room.
All right! A TV set, a dresser a bed, a phone and look, curtains.
Steph, calm down.
We have all this at home.
Yeah, but we don't have this guy.
Thank you, Myron.
Welcome to the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
I am Mr.
Santana manager of the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
- Hi, I'm Danny Tanner.
- Mr.
Tanner, we are thrilled to have you doing your show live from the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
Anything you and your fabulous family desires just sign your room number.
It's all free.
Everything is free? You are the nicest man in the world.
Just for that, here's a shiny, silver dollar for you and you.
Dad, give this man a hug.
- D.
, I don't think that's necessary.
- No problem.
Yes, the love never stops here at ALL:the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
Michelle, tomorrow you will be in the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino daycare center.
" And guess what.
They have a TV there! So who are you gonna watch tomorrow morning at 9:OO? Gilligan! Gilligan? Oh, Michelle, aren't you gonna watch Daddy's show? Gilligan funny.
Aw, come on, Michelle.
Haven't you caught on by now? They're never getting off that island.
All right, who wants a good-night kiss? Me, me, me.
Me, me, me.
All right.
Ready? Michelle, go give your sisters a kiss good night.
JESSE: How you doing? DANNY: Pretty good.
Jess, let's get down to the showroom.
We can still catch Harem Bare'em '89.
I'm not interested, Joseph.
I'm gonna spend the evening with Rebecca by the lake, counting stars.
Jesse, don't count on her.
She has to prepare for our show tomorrow.
Oh, really? Observe the power of love.
- Hello, baby.
Hey, hey.
No, it's Jesse.
Don't hang up.
All right, Becky, how's this sound? A romantic moonlit stroll by the lake.
Oh, Jess.
It sounds wonderful.
"Oh, Jess.
It sounds wonderful.
" I'll be by your room in 10 minutes.
Jess, I'm sorry.
It's just I have to prepare my interview with Todd Masters.
Um, I'll take a rain check though.
We'll talk about it over breakfast.
Good night.
Actually, you know on second thought you do have a big show tomorrow.
And I think maybe it'd be best that you stay in and get some work done.
Hey-- Now, now, don't argue with me, young lady.
I mean it.
Okay? Danny, do you have those notes on the Todd Masters introduction? Thanks.
See you in the morning.
Who is this? Leave me alone.
- Come on, let's go catch the show.
- I like this one better.
Okay, Loretta's gonna check my makeup, you girls have a seat.
Wake up, San Francisco.
I'm Danny Tanner.
And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
And our guests today are George Michael Patrick Swayze and Tom Cruise.
And our two very special guests Ken and Barbie.
Oh, girls, that is so cute.
Actually, that's too cute.
Now, out of those chairs before I'm out of a job.
We'll go play with those slot machines.
- They look like fun.
- Just a minute, honey.
It's against the law to play those machines unless you're over 21.
Now, why don't you and D.
have a seat over here.
This is my first live audience.
I need you guys to cheer me on.
Hey, we're there for you, babe.
BECKY: Danny, I'm sorry I'm late.
We were supposed to have breakfast together.
- Didn't Danny give you my message? - Not yet.
Jess, Becky can't make it.
She has a breakfast meeting with Todd Masters.
How could you do this? - Well, I've been nervous about the show.
- Not you.
- You.
- Jess, I'm really sorry.
But we'll have to talk about this later.
Danny, we go on the air in a minute.
- What's going on here? - She's just excited to meet a movie star.
I mean, suppose you could spend some time with Michelle Pfeiffer.
What would you do? Becky wouldn't dare.
Two, one.
Wake up! Wake up, San Francisco, I'm Danny Tanner.
BECKY: And I'm Rebecca Donaldson.
Welcome to a very special edition of Wake Up San Francisco.
Live from the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
Fabulous! You folks are in for a very special treat.
Our first guest is one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood.
I don't think I need to say anything but two words Todd Masters.
Hi, Danny.
Nice to see you again, Rebecca.
Ladies, I did something this morning with Todd that every woman in America fantasizes about.
CROWD: Whoa! We ate breakfast together.
And now I know why breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Well, we'll be back with more of "My Breakfast with Todd" after a word from the people who pay for my breakfast.
[SLOT MACHINE RINGING] Let's go see what's going on! Joey, did you see the way Becky's drooling all over Todd Masters? I'm gonna go upstairs and join Michelle in the daycare center and catch the last half of Gilligan.
Joey, check it out! A lady just won a ton of money.
I wish we could play.
Settle down, girls.
Let me tell you something about gambling.
Most of these people lose.
I don't hear anyone screaming, "I lost, I lost!" Well, girls, stay behind the ropes and watch as I teach you how stupid it is to gamble.
[SLOT MACHINE RINGING] - You won! You won! - All right, Joey! Two dollars! Girls, first rule of gambling: Never be fooled by beginner's luck.
[SLOT MACHINE RINGING] - Whoa, 10 dollars! All right! - Yeah! Girls, second rule of gambling: Don't quit while you're hot.
Come on, baby.
Joey needs a new pair of shoes.
Orange, orange, orange! Yes! [SLOT MACHINE RINGING] Twenty dollars worth of juice! Don't stop now.
If you get four sevens, you can win $100,000.
Girls, I'm gonna get one of those change buckets.
You stay here, guard my machines with your lives.
If anybody goes near it, scream.
Because I'm hot, I'm burning I'm wasting time.
Yes! Oh, I can't take it.
It's driving me crazy.
- I've got to play that machine.
- Here.
- Use my silver dollar.
- Oh, thanks, Steph.
If we win any money, I'll split it.
Now, is the coast is clear? - The coast is clear.
- All right.
Yes! Hurry! Joey's gonna be back.
That's one seven, that's two sevens that's three sevens! [SLOT MACHINE RINGING] Yes! We won! We won! - We won! Yes! - We won! Girls, what happened? Who won my $100,000 jackpot? - I did.
- With my silver dollar.
- We'll split it three ways.
- Start jumping up and down.
- Yes! Yes! - We won! We won! Yes! Yes! Yes! We're back live from Lake Tahoe where somebody has just won the big jackpot.
Come on, Perry, we're going back into the casino.
- This is what live television is all about.
- Dad, Joey won the big jackpot.
You hear that ladies and gentlemen? Joey just won-- Joey? Our Joey? My Joey? Oh, my God! Perry, Perry! Joey! Joey! Joey, you won the jackpot? ALL: Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, sorry, Perry.
Joey, you've been broke your entire life.
How does it feel to win $100,000? - Well-- - It feels unbelievable.
I mean, not that I would know personally, but-- This has to be the raddest day of Joey's life.
I'm going to Disneyland.
What the heck, I'm gonna buy it.
Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations! Yes, everyone's a winner here at the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
ALL: Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm really sorry about Danny running off with the camera like that.
Well, that's all right.
I'm having fun here with you.
As a matter of fact why don't we continue our breakfast at dinner tonight? Oh, well, thanks, Todd.
But I have a boyfriend and I'm really crazy about him.
He's a very lucky guy.
I tell you what, why don't I take both of you out to dinner.
- That's very sweet of you.
- Great.
It's a date.
I'll have my driver pick you up at 7.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the hell's going on here? You're going to dinner with this joker? - Jess-- - No, no, hey.
No, I understand.
Good-looking guy comes to town, goes on your show he hits on you, you're all over him like a cheap suit.
Is this guy really that big a deal? CROWD: Ooh.
Knock it off.
- Jesse, please.
- How would you like it if I hit on every incredibly gorgeous blond that walks by me? Excuse me.
I'd like to see you tonight.
You can cook me dinner, I'll cook you breakfast and in between, babe, we'll just cook.
Get out of my face, you creep.
[GULPS] Well, we're heading back to the stage and nobody's here.
We'll talk about this later.
We'll talk about this now.
Oh, here they are.
What a pleasant surprise, my brother-in-law, Jesse.
Right in the middle of the most important broadcast of my career.
- Welcome, Jesse.
- Thank you.
How could you do this to me? This was supposed to be our weekend.
Could we have this discussion during the next commercial? No, we're talking about our relationship.
It's much more important than some stupid talk show.
This is my brother-in-law.
I love him dearly.
Security! - What's going through your mind? - You're making a fool of yourself.
Sit down, funboy.
Jesse, Todd is right.
You're making a really big mistake.
Oh, really? Good! Then this is the last mistake I make with you because we're breaking up.
- Well, fine.
Then, it's over.
- Well, fine! You're looking at a free man.
Well, you won't see that on Gilligan's Island.
With my share of the jackpot I'm gonna buy a ranch full of horses, a red Corvette.
I'm gonna buy my own jet plane.
That bus takes forever to get to school.
Now, girls, when Mr.
Fabulous comes here to give me my check for a hundred grand, just let me do the talking.
As long as you let us do the spending.
Hey, hey, hey.
Lucky! Oh, man, come with me into the casino and help me pick a slot machine.
Let D.
pick it.
She won the jackpot.
won? Joey, you let the girls gamble? No, I had nothing to do with it.
I was getting a money bucket.
You girls were gambling after I told you not to? I'm not happy about this at all.
Would $10,000 cheer you up? You girls won that money illegally and you can't accept it.
Well, there is a bright side to this.
I can accept it.
You didn't really win that money either.
Well, no, not technically.
But if the girls hadn't jumped in there, the next pull would've been mine, and-- Don't shake your head "no.
" I've got a case.
Yes, I do.
Read my head.
Gladstone, just the gentleman I need to chat with.
Well, before you give me my $100,000, I'd like to tell you a funny story.
You see, I was playing the machine and I stepped away for a minute a second, heck, a microsecond.
Well, I told the girls here to guard my machine which they did by putting a silver dollar over the coin slot which accidentally fell into the coin slot.
I couldn't accept the money without clearing my conscience.
But I feel great now, so lay it on me.
- What's this? - A video cassette.
Our security camera got a nice clean shot of the children gambling.
You didn't come into the picture until many, many microseconds later.
I'm not getting the money, am I? No.
But you can keep the video cassette as a souvenir of not having won the jackpot here at the fabulous Ali Baba Hotel and Casino.
- Do you hate us, Joey? - No.
Don't be silly, girls.
I love you very much.
But we cost you $100,000.
Is there any way we can make it up to you? No, I don't think so.
Mom, I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
I never wanna talk to Jesse again.
He is the most obstinate, pig-headed-- [KNOCKING ON DOOR] JESSE: Becky.
- Oh, Mom, that's him.
I gotta go.
What am I doing? Talk.
I'm listening.
JESSE: There's a maid, a bellhop and some guy getting ice staring at me.
Since when does an audience bother you? Hey, I just came by here to tell you something.
It was not my fault.
And the fact that we broke up is all your fault.
You're absolutely right, Jess.
It is my fault.
I met Todd Masters.
I watched him eat scrambled eggs and then I did the only logical thing: I threw our whole relationship out the window.
Don't turn it around.
You were going to dinner with this blow-dried side of beef.
You don't even know what you're talking about.
There you go-- - I know what I'm talking about! - No, you don't! We've been going out, some clown comes in and you go to dinner with him? - Yes, you were! - No, I wasn't! - Let me tell you something.
- What--? - No, I wasn't! - Yes, you were! No, I wasn't.
If you think kissing me's gonna solve this you've been watching too many old movies.
And the blow-dried side of beef and I were gonna have dinner tonight with you.
If you didn't lose your temper and act like a jealous maniac I could've told you that in the first place.
Whoa, I'm a jerk.
So what you're saying is that.
That I broke up with you for no reason.
Well, look who just woke up.
I'm sorry, but that's the way I am.
That's how I live my life.
If I feel something, I go with it.
I feel jealous, I act jealous.
Tell me about it.
I'm not the only one who acts jealous.
When have I ever been jealous? How about when I hit on that waitress.
Right before she punched me admit it, you were jealous.
- Okay, maybe for a split second.
- Okay, so how does it feel? - The worst split second of my life.
- That's what I've been feeling since I got up here.
This was gonna be the most romantic most perfect weekend.
I was gonna tell you I love you.
- I love you too.
- I had it all planned out.
We were gonna take a nice walk by the lake, under the stars-- Jesse.
- Did you hear what I said? - Yeah, you said "I love you too.
" - You love me? - Yes.
And I love you.
Woo! That means we're in love! Yes! It's about time.
Becky, I've been in love with you since the first day I saw you.
We're in love! We gotta do something.
We have to be together all the time.
I never want to go through this again.
I wanna know that you're mine.
Now, we're in Nevada, let's get married.
Jess, do you know what you just said? Yes.
We're in Nevada, let's get married right now.
I don't know what to say.
Rebecca Donaldson I love you.
And if anything has ever been right it's you and me.
Will you marry me? Jesse, this is so.
[WHISPERING] Have mercy.