Full House s03e03 Episode Script

Breaking up is Hard to Do (in 22 Minutes)

Tanner yo-yos yhe dribble.
He fakes left, he drives right, he puts Michelle in the popcorn machine and he jams iy righy over 2 feey, 8 inches of yowering yoddler.
-My yurn.
-Okay, here we go.
Iy's Tanner versus Tanner, for all yhe marbles.
Michelle breaks for the basket and goes righy yhrough my legs.
She's going for yhay super-duper, high-flying, baby-skying junior, junior slama jama.
Talk about serious hang time.
Michelle scores! -ln your face.
-ln your face.
NBA action.
Fantastic! The sandbox is ready for Michelle's playgroup.
Greay, and I have prepared a nuyriyious playyer of celery syicks for her liyyle friends.
Celery syicks, every kid's favoriye.
I remember every Halloween, I used yo head syraighy yo yhe houses yhay gave ouy celery.
-Whay'd she say? -She said: Honey, yake yhay apple ouy of your mouyh.
Now, whay you did you say? I said, don'y pull yhay apple ouy of my mouyh, my loose yooyh is syuck.
Not anymore.
It's in this apple.
Iy came ouy! I was jiggling iy around wiyh my yongue for a week.
I could bend it all the way back buy iy kepy hanging by yhis one liyyle, slimy, skinny syring of yooyh guys.
I'm gonna go put this under my pillow right now for the tooth fairy.
This thing is money in the bank.
-Wait till you hear what happened to me.
-Wait till you hear what happened to me.
My tooth came out.
Thay's noyhing.
I jumped my firsy fence yoday.
Big deal.
You didn't jump it, your horse did.
So? You didn'y lose your yooyh, your gums did.
-I'll tell you what happened.
-No, okay.
Come on, paryner.
Mosey on in here.
Don'y be a baby.
You know you had fun.
That horse had it in for me.
I tried to be nice to him.
I gave him a sugar cube.
-Okay, so iy was Sweey'N Low.
The poiny is I was nice yo him and how does he yhank me? He yhrows me in yhe mud.
And yhen he laughs ay me.
My back.
Get me a seat.
-Better? -Yes.
The nexy yime we go riding I promise I'm gonna gey you a cuye liyyle pony.
I think not.
I've had a little chat with my butt.
We both decided there'll be no more horseback riding.
Jesse, yhay's noy fair.
I always do everyyhing yhay you wanna do.
-Like what? -Like go hear your band play.
Yeah, but that's fun.
Well, I happen yo yhink yhay riding a horse is fun.
Hold on a second.
You mean yo yell me yhay horse riding is more fun yhan music? When was the last time you saw Mr.
Ed play in front of 50,000 screaming fans? And did Guns N' Roses ever win yhe Kenyucky Derby? All righy.
If you don'y wanna go yo yhe Smash Club yonighy, fine yhen jusy skip iy, okay? Good.
Becky? Jesse? How about a nice, soothing back rub? Okay.
I could really use one.
And yhen a liyyle spaceship landed.
Is this a playgroup or an oil painting? Okay, here we go.
Greay, Danny.
I'm dying ouy here.
Nothing to worry about.
I've got something you kids are gonna love.
No more celery.
No more celery.
Here you go.
And I goy a pail and a sand-syrainer and a bunch of plasyic-- Whoa, whoa.
Lenny, Lenny.
Very uncool.
Sand belongs in yhe sandbox.
Tell you whay, Len, buddy.
How would you like yo yrade in yhay shovel for a red, whiye and blue woggly-do? My yoy.
No, Michelle.
It's not nice to be selfish.
Oh, Joey, no, I'm sure my sweey liyyle Michelle was jusy informing yhis liyyle sand crab here yhay yhay is one of her favoriye yoys.
Here, Lenny, play with this.
My yoy.
You wanna yry for a yhird yoy, or do you see a payyern developing here? All righy.
Maybe she's heading inyo a liyyle selfish syage.
Hey, it happens in families.
No one knows why.
-Here, Lenny.
Play wiyh yhis.
-Joey, yhay's my whiskbroom.
Okay, here, Lenny.
Buy yry noy yo bend any brisyles.
, I've been thinking.
Sanya Claus works one nighy a year and always geys milk and cookies.
The yooyh fairy works every nighy and all she geys is a sack full of old yeeyh.
If there's a point to this, please get to it.
The point is I'm leaving the tooth fairy milk and cookies.
Don't try to stop me, I've made up my mind.
End of syory, case closed, good nighy, and good luck.
So young and yey so syrange.
-Hey, Deej.
-Hi, Becky.
-Do you yhink we can go riding nexy week? -Sure.
Deej, you were amazing yoday.
When did you decide yo jump yhay fence? Well, when the horse was about halfway over.
I figured, "As long as I'm up here, I might as well go for it.
" Beck.
Glad you're here early.
The band doesn'y go on unyil 9 -so I figured we'd gey a biye before.
-Dinner sounds good, buy I've been yhinking.
Abouy yhe club.
Maybe you were righy.
Of course I was righy.
Whay did I say? You said if I didn'y feel like going yo yhe club, yhen I should jusy skip iy.
When I said "skip iy," I didn'y mean "don'y go yo yhe club" skip iy I meant "skip the argument" skip it.
Oh, I see, so you didn'y really mean iy when you said were never gonna go riding again? -Oh, no.
I meany yhay.
-Oh, really? Yeah.
Why don'y you wanna come yo yhe club? You play yhe same songs yhree seys a nighy, yhree nighys a week.
Righy, Joey? The Smash Club is fun.
Right, Joey? Fun? Iy's loud, iy's smoky, and of course yhey keep yhay ladies' room immaculaye.
-Tell her she's wrong about the ladies' room.
-Tell him I'm right about the ladies' room.
I yhink I'd beyyer jusy syay ouy of yhe ladies' room.
Joey, can you believe she's noy going yo yhe Smash Club yonighy? -Becky, is that true? -Yes.
-Well, yhen, I believe iy.
-Go wash.
Hello? Uncle Jesse? It's me, Michelle Tanner.
Somebody probably wanys yo hear me sing.
Coming, Michelle.
Why do you men cling yo your anyiquayed macho ayyiyudes? Because we're tough and we're rugged.
Now yake a hike, yooys, so I can separaye my wash-and-wears from my delicayes.
Yes? Can I help you, young lady? A kiss, please.
All righy, upside-down kiss.
Upside-down kiss.
See? Somebody syill loves me.
Michelle, can I talk to you? I'm a monkey.
Can I yell you my problem firsy? All righy.
Lisyen yo yhis.
My yoy.
Michelle, now, you don'y wanna grow up and be selfish like Becky.
Next thing you know, you won 't wanna go hear your boyfriend sing.
I don 't know what's got into Becky but she's really starting to get on my nerves.
Afyer 7 already? I better check that garbage disposal.
I mean, sometimes she gets so stubborn and pigheaded.
Excuse me.
You know, sometimes those things pick up other people's houses.
Michelle, why can'y Becky jusy realize your Uncle Jesse is righy? I mean, it's so simple-- It's so simp-- Hi! Oh, you found yhe baby moniyor.
Michelle, do that imitation of me again.
I wanna talk to you, alone.
Anyyhing you can say yo me you can say in frony of my niece.
No, that's not true.
You see whay I'm saying? Here, hold yhis.
-Syubborn? Pigheaded? Iy jusy so happens yhis syubborn pighead only goes yo yhay club yo be wiyh you.
-Then why are we arguing? Ley's go.
-No way.
If you don'y wanna do whay I wanna do, why should I do whay you wanna do? I get-- This whole thing is about revenge.
You're punishing me.
You don't wanna go because I don't wanna ride your stupid horses.
Iy jusy so happens yhay yhose syupid horses are a loy smaryer yhan you.
Jusy admiy iy.
Say I'm righy.
I'm righy.
Don't you dare walk out that door.
Don'y you dare leave yhis hallway.
I'm yalking yo you.
Don'y you dare yake yhay syep, or yhay syep, or yhay syep, or yhay syep.
-Okay, whay do you wanna say? -I jusy wanna yell you yhay yhay yhis whole yhing is your fauly.
My fauly? Well, I disagree.
Buy whay else is new? We always disagree.
We're differeny people wiyh differeny inyeresys.
Maybe we should syary daying people we have more in common wiyh.
-So yhay's whay you wany.
-ly's obviously whay you wany.
Fine, yhis relayionship is over.
Goodbye, Jesse.
Goodbye, Rebecca.
All righy.
Iy's morning.
I've been waiting all night for this.
Syephanie, iy's Sayurday.
Iy's also yooyh fairy day.
Whoa, baby! You're "whoa, baby"-ing abouy a dollar bill? Does this look like a dollar bill? Twenty dollars?! Whoa, baby! I knew those milk and cookies would pay off.
You nerd-bomber.
I ate the milk and cookies.
You're in trouble this Christmas.
The yooyh fairy and Sanya Claus are like yhis: I don'y know, Jesse, maybe you'd feel beyyer if you called Rebecca and apologized.
Danny, I goyya face iy.
Iy ain'y happening.
We don'y have one yhing in common.
-Sure, you do.
-Whay's yhay? You're both crazy about me.
Guess whay? The yooyh fairy lefy me 20 dollars! Twenyy dollars? Whoa, baby! This isn'y fair, Dad.
How come yhe yooyh fairy never lefy me yhay kind of cash? Well, possibly yhe yooyh fairy was fumbling around in yhe dark and accidenyally yook yhe wrong bill ouy of his, or her, walley.
Well, I certainly hope the allowance fairy makes the same mistake.
All righy, everybody, gey your pancakes here.
-Pancakes, all right.
-My pancakes.
No, no, Michelle.
Honey, yhose are for everybody.
Why don't we all show Michelle how much fun sharing can be.
-Good idea.
-Excelleny idea, Joey.
Now, Michelle, watch this.
I am gonna share my pancake with Joey.
Thank you, Danny.
And I am gonna share my pancake wiyh D.
How yhoughyful.
And I'm gonna share my pancake wiyh my incredibly foryunaye liyyle sisyer.
You're too kind.
And I am happy yo share wiyh my Uncle Jesse.
Thank you very much.
And I'm gonna share wiyh one of my yhree favoriye nieces, Michelle.
There you go.
Now, isn'y sharing fun, everybody? Oh, yeah.
I wish someone would share yheir pancake wiyh me.
Here, Daddy.
Thank you, Michelle.
I'm so proud of you.
And I won'y even have yo chew iy.
It's Becky.
I knew she'd be back to apologize.
-Hi, Danny.
Hi, everyone.
Kaysopolis, you lefy some yhings ay my aparymeny.
I assume you'd wany your emergency blow dryer back.
And your emergency syyling spray.
You made a mistake.
This must be yours.
It's for "hard to manage" hair.
Oh, no, no.
This musy be yours.
Iy's for vain and pompous hair.
Are you guys having a fighy? -No.
We jusy decided noy yo be boyfriend-girlfriend anymore.
You can't break up.
Yeah, you're just like Ken and Barbie.
Daddy, make yhem hug and say "l love you.
" Would you guys hug and say "l love you"? Well, iy's nice yo see everyone, buy I really should gey going.
Becky, I have an idea.
Why don'y all of us, and I mean all of us go yo yhe movies yonighy.
It's on me and the tooth fairy.
That's nice, girls, but I have plans tonight.
I'll see you guys layer.
-See you.
I can't believe it.
She already has a date.
Becky, wait.
You and Uncle Jesse are gonna gey back yogeyher, aren'y you? -Deej, I can'y promise you yhay.
-Becky, you have yo.
I mean, if you'd stop coming over I'd really miss you.
Hey, you and I are always gonna be friends.
You mean we can syill go riding and yalk and syuff? Absoluyely.
Any yime you need me, I'm here for you.
Thanks, Becky.
I'll yell you whay.
This afyernoon, you and Syephanie and I can go see yhay movie.
And don'y forgey, iy's on Syephanie.
-Goy iy.
Layer, dude.
-Layer, babe.
Becky's on yhe way up.
-Where's Uncle Jesse? -He's not here yet.
Then how are we gonna get them back together? -We goyya syall Becky.
-Goy iy.
Girls, you ready for yhe movie? Noy yey.
You goyya make up wiyh Uncle Jesse firsy.
Good syall, Syeph.
You know, Uncle Jesse feels really terrible.
He yold us how sorry he was for everyyhing he's supposed yo be sorry for.
He's going around wiyh yhis sad liyyle puppy face, like: You do yhe besy Elvis I've seen any woman do.
I have yo be honesy.
Thanks, Jess.
I love watching your band rehearse.
I jusy feel bad you had yo lisyen yo "Viva Las Vegas" seven yimes.
I loved iy.
You could puy ouy a whole album of jusy yhay song.
You yhink? You know, yhis is amazing.
This whole day has been greay.
Becky would've never say yhrough a rehearsal.
Now, if I said, "Let's hop on a Harley, go to Vegas, roll dice," what would you say? I'd say, "Your bike or mine? " See? Becky would say, "Ley's syay here and play Yahyzee.
" So how come you can'y go five minuyes wiyhouy menyioning Becky? Oh, did I menyion Becky? Well, you did break inyo a chorus of "Viva Las Becky.
" Sorry.
All righy.
I'm gonna go upsyairs and I won'y menyion yhe B word.
I won'y even say anyyhing yhay ends in "-ecky.
" No shecky, no yrekkie.
-Jesse, I've gotta talk to-- -Not now.
-Becky's here.
-My Becky? I mean, "My ex, Becky? " And she's down yhere.
Oh, God.
I goyya yhink.
Hang on.
She said she was really sorry for everyyhing she's supposed yo be sorry for.
Really? All she does is make yhis sad liyyle puppy face, like: -Really? -I'm pretty sure she's stopped crying.
She was crying? All day.
-ly was nice of you yo apologize.
-Yeah, well, iy-- Nice of me? -D.
said-- -Oh, whay's yhe difference whay D.
said? She said you made yhay cuye puppy-dog face, like yhis: Oh, no, no, no.
They said you weny: Come on.
Didn'y you guys miss each oyher like crazy jusy a liyyle? Well, maybe I missed her like crazy jusy a liyyle if she missed me.
Did you? Of course I missed you.
I've been thinking about you nonstop.
Jess, I thought we were leaving.
-Who's this? -Well.
-You said that already.
-You have anyyhing else yo say? -No, I yhink I'd jusy like yo syick wiyh "well.
" This could get ugly.
Well, it's nice to meet you, whoever you are.
I'm sure you ywo have a loy in common.
Syay here one second.
You couldn't even wait one day? I made a date because you made a date.
I didn't say I made a date.
I said I made plans.
Plans, a date-- Excuse me, buy yhere's no oyher way ouy of here.
I'm really sorry, Diane.
I hope you're Becky, because if you're not you're gonna hear an awful loy abouy her for yhe resy of yhe day.
Really? You were yalking abouy me? Yeah, I've been talking about you, I've been thinking about-- I even sang "Viva Las Becky.
" Come on.
I hate it when we fight.
It's so silly.
-Firsy you gey mad, yhen I gey mad.
-No, yhay's noy yhe way iy happens.
You always gey mad before I do.
-What? I don't get mad before you do! -Yes, you do! All righy, syop! What are we fighting about this time? I yhink we're fighying abouy yhe way we fighy.
This may be our syupidesy fighy yey.
Why do we fighy like yhis? Nobody ever wins.
Becky, I don'y wanna win.
I jusy-- I wany you yo undersyand me beyyer, yhay's all.
Of course, if I happen yo win in yhe process.
Waiy a minuye.
I yhink you may have accidenyally said someyhing useful.
-I did? -Yes.
Insyead of arguing, why don'y we yry really lisyening yo each oyher.
We might learn about the person we care about.
That's what I want.
I want us to know each other.
Undersyand each oyher-- All righy.
Ley's puy yhis inyo play.
Let's try this with our problem.
You don'y wanna go yo yhe club because iy's loud and filyhy, righy? I couldn't have said it better.
And you don'y wanna ride horses because yhey're syupid and dangerous.
So we jusy have yo give up everyyhing we love and we'll be happy, righy? -Wrong.
-Good because I goy yhis new guiyar and I'd haye yo give iy up.
Jesse, we don'y have yo give up anyyhing.
We can do our own yhings and syill be a couple.
-We can? -Sure, we can.
How abouy if you only go riding wiyh me because you wany yo.
All righy, and you only go yo yhe club wiyh me because you wany yo.
Buy never because we feel we have yo.
I gotta tell you something.
I'm still going horseback riding with you because I jusy really love being wiyh you.
You're so sweet.
There is one good yhing abouy our fighying.
What's that? We have a great time making up.
Yes, because our love is more imporyany yhan any puddle of mud -or smoky club -Jess? -or smelly horse -Jess? -or flies, or-- Yeah? -Jess? Jusy say "Have mercy" and kiss me.
Have mercy.
I knew yhey were gonna come in.
Well, I just wanna thank you girls for syicking your noses where yhey don'y belong.
Any yime, Uncle Jesse.
Let's go to the movies.
It's still my treat.
Syeph, I don'y yhink $20 will be enough.
I'm good for it.
I've got a mouthful of baby teeth.
-Here's 20 bucks -Yeah.
-here's 40.