Full House s05e26 Episode Script

Captain Video (2)

[JESSE FREDERICK'S "EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING] * Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Ahhh * * Whatever happened To predictability * * The milkman The paperboy * * Evenin' TV? * * How did I get Delivered here? * * Somebody tell me, please * * This whole world's Confusin' me * * Flowers as mean * * As you've ever seen * * Ain't a bird Who knows your tune * * Then a little voice Inside you whispers: * * "Kid, don't sell your dreams So soon" * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a heart * * There's a heart * * A hand to hold on to * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * There's a face * * Of somebody who needs you * * Everywhere you look * * When you're lost out there And you're all alone * * A light is waitin' To carry you home * * Everywhere you look * * Everywhere you look * * Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * [***] Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Nicky, take it easy.
Save some room for the Peking duck.
Just a little, uh, pre-solid food humor.
[CHUCKLES] [NICKY MOANS] Oh, I can't believe I have to go back to work already.
I'm gonna miss my pookey bears so much.
Aw, well, you'll see them in an hour.
You're puttin' 'em on your show today.
Yeah, but what if they do something cute? What if they learn to talk? I'll have 'em call you.
Okay, let's roll.
Today's our big "Farewell Vicky Show.
" And? And our even bigger "Welcome Back Becky Show.
" [CHUCKLES] You and Vicky were going pretty hot there.
I thought you'd be down about her leaving.
Down? Me? Mr.
Up? [CHUCKLES] Mr.
Life-of-the-Party? Oh, yeah, man, let the good times roll.
[SOBBING] Why'd she have to go? Morning, everyone.
BECKY: Morning.
Good morning.
What are we lookin' at, Ranger Joe? Nothin'.
I have a stiff neck.
Boy, sure hope my neck loosens up before my show or it's gonna be bird-watching day.
[AS MR.
WOODCHUCK] Yeah, we can look for woodpeckers.
Well, Joey, keep your chin up.
Heh, guess you have no choice.
Ha! Forget it.
You cannot borrow my clothes.
Please? No.
Please? No.
Please, please, please? I'll do it.
No, no, no.
Remember, my clothes are untouchable, off-limits.
This means you.
Understand? I understand.
Not.
I'm wearing D.
J.
's sweater.
[GASPS] She's gonna have a cow.
All right.
Lunches.
Kisses.
All right, have a good day at school.
Doing all right, boys, huh? [TELEPHONE RINGS] Uh-- Don't get up.
I'll get it.
Talk to me.
Speaking.
Oh.
[SOFTLY] Guys, it's the record company.
Tell me you love the song.
You like the song? Oh, well, then maybe you can learn to love it.
I mean, as a kid, like, I hated blue cheese.
I thought it was like eatin', like, sweat socks, but-- No, really.
But eventually, I-- Right.
Okay.
I'm sorry too.
Bye.
[SIGHS] Boys, your old man got rejected again.
But you still love me, right? [JESSE COOS] That's what I thought.
Now, we're all in the same boat.
Out-of-work high-fives.
Out-of-work high-fives, come on.
[***] SINGERS: * Wake up! * Wake up, San Francisco.
I'm Danny Tanner.
And I'm Vicky Larson.
And today is my last day because Rebecca Donaldson is back from maternity leave.
I'm gonna miss you, Danny.
Oh, Vicky.
You know, I just forgot, we're still on camera.
[BOTH CHUCKLE] But, uh, Vicky, I have a big surprise for you.
I spoke to our station manager, and he wants you to do the weather reports right here on Wake Up, San Francisco.
Isn't that wonderful? Uh, i-it would be except this morning, I was offered an incredible job anchoring the news in Chicago.
Chicago? The Windy City? Y-- You'll-- You'll have to wear a hat.
You'll get hat hair.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Uh, Danny, why don't we talk about this after the show because Rebecca's waiting to come on-- Chicago? Didn't they have a really big fire there? It was over a hundred years ago.
I'm sure it's out by now.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Donaldson, and I'm welcoming myself back to the show.
Welcome back, Becky.
Why, thank you, Becky.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
Thank you.
Thank you, Vicky.
Thank you very much.
Um, I would like all of our viewers to meet the two reasons that I've been out of work for the last eight weeks: Nicky and Alex.
Come on in, boys.
Aw.
Hi.
Hi, baby.
Aw, come.
And, everybody, this is my wonderful husband, Jesse.
Say hello, honey.
Hello, honey.
[GIGGLES] And these are our boys.
They're identical twins.
Oh, except Alex has a birthmark on his tushy just like his daddy.
I'm outta here.
Oh, no.
Honey.
Honey.
Come on.
I am so proud of this guy.
Do you know what he's gonna do today? Mm.
He is going to take care of the kids, do the shopping, do the laundry, and cook us a wonderful dinner.
Yeah, right after that, I'm gonna wrestle a bobcat with my bare hands.
[CHUCKLES] [***] Have mercy, 14 pounds.
You guys been sneaking down to the kitchen, eatin' cheeseburgers at night? All right, there you go.
Here we go.
Uh, fellas, you see this? This is what you're gonna look like if you don't start growin' hair.
Come on.
I got our dinner, Uncle Jesse.
Whoa, h-h-hold it.
I'm not buyin' all that junk food.
You better buy these cookies.
I already ate four.
I mean, five.
Billy Bunny cereal.
I gotta have it.
H-h-hold it, Michelle.
Hold it, Michelle.
Let me tell ya something.
Just because there's some goofy character on the box, it doesn't mean the product's any good, all right? Oh, my God.
Elvis peanut butter.
Uncle Jesse, isn't that the same thing as Billy Bunny cereal? No, it is not.
Elvis is a man, not a cartoon.
Now, what do you guys want? Smooth or Hunka Hunka Chunka? We'll take both.
All right.
Hey, Nicky, how you do--? Whoa-ho-ho.
Did we bring any diapers? Diapers, aisle three.
All right, I got an idea.
Come here, pal.
Here we go.
Here, this ought to keep you smelling pine fresh till we get there.
All right, girls, we need milk and bread.
Got it.
No more junk food.
Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes Hey, I saw you on TV this mornin'.
Really? Thank you.
You're, uh, Rebecca's husband, Jesse Donaldson.
It's Katsopolis.
Jesse Katsopolis.
Whatever.
I'm George, and it's nice to meet another househusband.
I'm not a househusband.
I'm a-- I'm a musician.
Yeah, I'm a screenwriter.
[CHUCKLES] Look, I-- I'm just doing this because my career's temporarily on hold, okay? Yeah, you know, I said the same thing to my wife when she went back to work.
That was four years ago.
So--? So for four years, all you've done is take care of the kids and the house? Of course not.
I mean, there's, uh, shopping and carpools and, oh, my favorite soap, General Hospital.
Listen, I-I gotta run.
I'll see you Thursday, double-coupon day.
If I could sleep Wednesday night.
Hm, these Funky Franks are pretty good.
I better try a few more just to make sure.
Uh-oh.
What have I done? I got mustard on D.
J.
's sweater.
She's gonna have a cow.
Tell me something I don't know.
Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.
All right, come on girls, let's go.
All we need are paper towels.
I'll get one.
Wait, h-h-h-h-hold it, Michelle.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
I'm just trying to help.
Well, thank you, but you never take from the bottom.
Always take from the top.
Like this, you see? I could've done that.
[***] I set the table, Uncle Jesse.
Thank you.
I'm too full to eat dinner, Uncle Jesse.
Now, I know why they call 'em Funky Franks.
All right.
Michelle, take one plate away.
Now you see it, now you don't.
[TIMER BUZZES] That's my laundry.
I'm gonna go check on the boys.
I'll be right back.
I threw D.
J.
's sweater in.
I hope that mustard stain came out.
[SCREAMS] It shrank! That will fit my Barbie.
[DOOR OPENS] BOTH: Hi.
Deej, my loving sister.
How nice to see you.
I'm just going to go in the living room and, uhoh, uh, practice my moonwalk.
Steph, the '80s are over.
Oh, girls, just in time for dinner.
Oh, sorry, Uncle Jesse, but Kimmy and I are gonna go study at the library.
We'll catch a burger on the way.
Is that the thanks I get after slaving over a hot stove all day? Boy, you sound just like my mom.
Only more bitter.
There goes another plate.
[DOOR CLOSES] Hey, Jess.
Did you, uh, lose something? Yeah, the use of my neck.
I tried to crack it myself.
Do you know, it's amazing how many people need shoeshines.
Where's Becky and Danny? Oh, they said to tell you they had to work late, and they'll be late for dinner.
Michelletwo more plates.
Why do I even bother? Well, I gotta go see a chiropractor, so I'm not gonna be here for dinner either.
Michelle: What is this, a joke? Hey, Jess, can you do me a favor and sew this button onto Mr.
Woodchuck? Oh, love to.
Boy, this floor needs a wax job.
Not only am I Mr.
Mom, I'm Mr.
Woodchuck's mom.
[SIGHS] What a day.
Are you totally bummed? Yeah, totally.
Go ahead, tell me all about it.
[SIGHING] I just-- I'm just afraid, you know? What if I never get a record deal? I mean, is this it for me? Cooking, cleaning, watching the kids while Becky's at work? I gotta make some changes in my life.
Can we eat dinner first? Sure, kid.
I hope you're hungry, because, uh, it's just you and me eatin'.
I think you forgot somebody.
Bon app├ętit, Comet.
[***] All right, there.
Your button's on, ya sawdust-sucking tree freak.
Oh, you have no snappy comebacks since Joey's hand's not up your back, huh? That's what I thought.
Hi, honey.
Hi.
I'm sorry I missed dinner.
That's okay.
Hello, boys.
I tell you, Jess, I-I know I should be happy about Vicky's new job in Chicago, and I am.
But I-I'm feeling a little guilty that I'm not happy enough, you know? I think I hid my feelings pretty well, although I did weep all over her goodbye ice cream cake.
I'm fine about this, I-- I-- I really am.
Just [CHUCKLES] Do you guys know a good therapist? I'll be leaving now.
He's taking it well.
Yes, he is.
So, honey, how was your day? [DOOR CLOSES] Well, the record company called.
They didn't like my demo.
Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Eh, it's all right.
I'm shaking things up.
I got myself a gig tonight.
I'm playing with an oldies band at the airport lounge.
The airport lounge? Mm-hm.
Honey, isn't that a step down? From unemployment? Nah, it's music, it's a paycheck.
Besides, I get a real nice coloring book and those little wings.
Honey, I've been gone all day.
I mean, this was supposed to be our time together.
Well, this is my time to make some money for my family.
Jesse, I make more than enough money to support our family.
Thanks for reminding me.
What--? You have some problem with me making a decent living? No, I have a problem with me making a decent living.
Oh, okay, so now I know what argument I'm in.
This is about your stubborn macho pride.
What pride? I don't have any pride.
I lost my pride.
I'm going to get some pride.
Say goodbye to Mr.
Donaldson.
[***] Hey, Steph, have you seen the heating pad? In Dad's top drawer.
You know he preheats his socks in the winter.
How's your neck, Joey? Oh, it's much better.
I just can't make any sudden moves.
Look what fits me.
Michelle! What? [GROANING] Oh, I just threw my neck out again.
[AS MR.
WOODCHUCK] Way to go, stupid.
Hey, I have the exact same sweater in my closet.
Well, it's a small world after all.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] And that one has a button missing right where this one has a button missing.
Can someone explain this? I just wear 'em.
I don't shrink 'em.
Steph? All right, this is your sweater.
I stole it, I stained it, I shrunk it.
I should've buried it.
Okay, D.
J.
, have that cow.
I'm so sorry, D.
J.
I'll do anything to make it up to you.
Well, make it up to Kimmy.
I borrowed that sweater from her last summer.
Oh, yeah, that is my sweater.
So, Steph, you'll do anything to make it up to me? This is my worst nightmare.
Okay, Kimmy, I deserve this.
What do you want? Well, actually, I haven't had a pedicure in my whole life.
D.
J.
, MICHELLE & STEPH: Ew, gross.
Not the sock! Run for it! [***] [IN UNISON] * Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * Glow, little glowworm Glimmer, glimmer * * I got a gal That I love so * * Glow, little glowworm * * Glow * Thank you, and do you know what? Thank you.
[CHUCKLES] Well, welcome to the terminal lounge, the hippest room on the departing level.
We are The Diplomats and no, you're not in an elevator.
[PLAYS STING] Thank you, Irv, I love you.
What are you guys doing here? Well, we thought we'd come down to see you.
I thought you said this was an oldies band.
I get it.
Talk to you after the set.
MAN [OVER PA]: Flight 19 to Chicago is now boarding at Gate 6.
Hey, buddy.
What are you starin' at? Oh, I'm not staring, I just have a stiff neck.
You want me to adjust it for ya? I'll just adjust my chair.
Okay, for our next number, we have a v-- Oh, yes, sir, you have a request there? Yes, sir, what would you like to hear? Watch my luggage while I go to the john.
Who wrote that one? Gershwin? Hit me, Irv.
[PLAYS STING] [CHUCKLES] Okay.
Well, then, uh, we'll do this song.
I-I'm sure you'll all enjoy it.
It goes something like this.
* You must remember this * * A kiss is just a kiss * * A sigh is just a sigh * Vicky, I-I can't believe you're moving to Chicago.
Danny, I've been thinking about this all day.
I'm gonna take that job here doing the weather.
Really? That's great.
[LAUGHS] But wait a minute.
Vicky, what about Chicago? That was your dream job.
But San Francisco has one thing Chicago doesn't.
Rice-A-Roni? [CHUCKLES] All right, two things.
Vicky, I-- I can't let you give up your dream for me.
If you stay here and you do the weather, you're gonna hate it.
And then pretty soon, you're gonna start to hate me.
I could never hate you.
I may resent you a little.
MAN [OVER PA]: Final boarding for Flight 19 to Chicago.
Vicky, you've gotta get on that plane or you're gonna regret it.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
You're right.
Oh, Danny, I'm gonna miss you.
I'm gonna miss you too.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
MAN [OVER PA]: Flight 217 to Reno, now available for preboarding.
I can't do it.
Vicky, you need to be strong.
No, I can't do it because I don't have luggage or a ticket.
You mean I have to go through this whole goodbye again tomorrow? Yes, but we'll always have the terminal lounge.
* The world will always Welcome lovers * * As time goes by * Thank you.
Thank you very much.
We're gonna take a short break, but I bet ya won't even know we're gone.
MAN [OVER PA]: Passenger Wilson, please pick up the white courtesy phone.
Passenger Wilson Well Hey, Jess, I really like the new band.
Thank you.
They really make you look, uhyoung.
Do me a favor and point me to the restroom.
Sure.
Jess, honey, is this really what you wanna do? No, this is really what I have to do.
[SCOFFS] Sing "Glow Worm" in an airport lounge? I'll admit it's not the coolest gig in the world, but it's still music.
And, heh, you gotta admit, Irv is one bad mama in his own right.
Jess, what about your music? You can't give up on that.
I'm not givin' up on my music.
I'm still gonna work on my music.
And if I get lucky, you know, it'll be great, I'll get a shot.
But Right now, I gotta contribute to my family.
But you do contribute.
You're a great husband, you're a great father.
I'm talkin' about money.
Now, whether I make a million dollars or $1, I-I can't just let you go to work and-- And make all the money for this family.
I'm a man.
You know, maybe I'm old-fashioned, but that's who I am.
And that's who I love.
Sweetie, I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings.
And if you think it's important to be a Diplomat, then I back you 100 percent.
Thank you.
What's important is the "tuneage" in this joint.
We gotta work on this playlist.
All right, Dips.
You guys, come on.
Now, I know deep, deep down inside ya there's gotta be some kind of wild rock 'n' roll maniac just dying to get out, huh? All right, we'll fake it.
A little rock 'n' roll music in E.
Shall we, fellas? Here we go.
BAND: * Baby, baby We'll rock your soul * * Rock 'n' roll We'll rock your soul * * Come on, pretty baby And I'll give you some more * Oh, my neck.
I'm cured.
* If you take a chance with me * * Rock * * If you take a chance with me * * Rock * * If you take a chance with me * * Rock * * If you take a chance with me * [JESSE FREDERICK'S "EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK" PLAYING] * Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhh * * Dooby-doo-baa-ba-daa * Shop this shows fashion, download the "LookLive" app in iTunes