Fuller House (2016) s02e03 Episode Script
Ramona's Not-So-Epic First Kiss
1 La, la la la la la Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy The evening TV Everywhere you look Everywhere you go There's a heart, a hand to hold onto Everywhere you look Everywhere you go There's a face Of somebody who needs you Everywhere you look Yeah When you're lost out there And you're all alone A light is waiting to carry you home Everywhere you look La, la la la la la Ooh Here's a crazy thought.
You guys ever try interacting with each other? Who do you think we're texting? [all three laugh.]
[Ramona.]
That was a good one.
[Jackson.]
Yeah.
Oh, man, it's 4:30, gotta go Facetime Lola.
Hey, sounds like you're finally getting somewhere.
Well, I'm actually Facetiming her brother, but with any luck she'll be in the background.
Jackson's my best friend.
But man, he's got no game.
He's been working Lola for eight months and all he got was one pathetic pity peck.
Yeah, the poor kid called it a makeout session.
Delusional.
[giggles.]
So, how many guys have you kissed? None of your business.
So, zero? I'm just waiting for the right guy.
But I don't know if I'll ever find him in our lame school.
All of the boys are so immature.
It's true.
We're very childish.
But hey, if I were you, I'd get that first kiss out of the way so you know what you're doing.
Maybe with someone you don't like at all.
Like me.
You have a good point.
I really don't like you.
Then Popko's the guy for all your makeout needs.
Step into my office and take a seat.
OK.
Let's do it.
Really? [scoffs.]
That worked? Yes.
I wanna get my first kiss out of the way.
Just stop talking before I change my mind.
Wow.
So that's what all the fuss was about.
There's no way that was your first kiss.
You were pretty good.
One more and you'll really have it down.
OK, let's do it again.
Yuck! I watch TV on that couch.
- Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend? - No.
We don't even like each other.
Just so you know, Cosmo, when I kiss you that means I love you.
You teenagers are so shallow.
Tommy, can I have a bite? Mmm Mmm! So good! Hi.
Hey, Deej.
[sighs.]
Stephanie, feed me too.
[sighs.]
Something strained, I'm too tired to chew.
Well I've seen this before.
A cup of tea, a hot bubble bath, you'll be in bed by 9:30.
So not true.
I'll never make it to 9:30.
Come on, let's go out.
It's Saturday night.
It's been ages since we've had a sister night.
Oh, you know what's in town? My favorite musical! We are not seeing Wicked again.
But it's about sisters! And it's a sister night! Let it go.
Oh, we could go to the Frozen singalong! You know what? Just take your bubble bath and go to bed.
What? OK, OK, OK.
Well, what do you wanna do? Well, you know, you've had a couple rough weeks in the romance department.
You let Steve and Matt get away, and then you got rejected by the UPS guy.
What UPS guy? Well, I tried to set you up, but he said he wasn't available for five to seven business days and then you'd have to be here when he arrives.
Look, the point is we need to find you a good guy.
No, I don't need a good guy.
I just need a night out with my sister.
Agreed, which is why you should go and put on a pretty party dress and go out as if we were meeting guys, which we're not.
Whoa, whoa, whoa You guys better not be going out without me.
We're the she-wolf pack! In the words of The Jungle Book, "The wolf is the pack and the pack is the wolf.
" [howls.]
Oh, sorry.
Do you wanna go out with us? Nah, I'm busy.
So where are we gonna go? We're gonna go to an amazing party where everyone is dressed fabulously and we're gonna eat and drink and dance for free.
It's called a wedding.
Ooh, I love weddings.
Whose wedding? Don't know until we crash it.
We're gonna be wedding crashers? I'm a good girl gone bad! Let's stay out till 10:30.
I'll pay for it tomorrow, but what the hey! Oh, yeah, you're one wild and crazy momma.
Mom, I've got big news.
- I can tell you anything, right? - Of course you can, we're like sisters.
In fact, we're like twin sisters.
From a distance.
At night.
Mom, you'll never believe it.
I just had my first kiss! [both scream.]
When was it? Where was it? Who was it? Five minutes ago.
Living room.
Popko.
Popko? That cocky little kid with the hat? I mean, that's great, honey.
It's OK, Mom.
I mean, I thought he was conceited too, but now that I kissed him, he's not that bad.
Really? Yeah, and he's kinda cute too.
That pork pie hat is adorable.
I know.
Now I think I kinda like him.
Aww.
Hey, Popko just texted me.
He wants to know if you wanna go to the movies with him and some friends tonight.
He does? He likes me too! Get used to it.
The Gibbler women are like man magnets.
OK, tell him Ramona said, "Yeah, sure.
" Wait, no, no.
That sounds too desperate, right? Um Say, "OK, whatever.
" And type it just like I said it.
OK, whatever.
Perfect! Excuse me, Ramona.
What are you doing? As a part of my One Kid Can Make A Difference project, I'm watering your plants with my recycled bathtub water.
You're welcome.
You're using dirty bath water? No, it has soap in it.
So it's clean.
Why aren't you smarter? Max, I have bigger problems here.
What dress should I wear on my first date with Popko? We're going to the movies.
Wait.
You have a date with the kid you don't like.
Yes.
Because I changed my mind and now I like him.
I get it.
I was the same way with Blake Shelton.
There's just something about him.
So, movie date.
Always dress to match your snacks, in case you spill.
What's your favorite Icee flavor? Blue or red? - Red.
- There's your answer.
Now let's talk shoes.
OK.
How about these? Flats? Don't you have anything in a chunky heel? [doorbell rings.]
Here we go, this is really happening! Oh, honey, you look so pretty.
Come here.
Aww.
[Spanish accent.]
I'm going to let this boy know there will be no monkey business.
And then I'll make him like me.
Just please do not embarrass me.
- Hey, Popko.
- Hey.
- Hey, dude.
- Hello, Señor Popko.
[speaks in Spanish.]
[continues to speak threateningly in Spanish.]
Hey, bro.
Have a gnarly night.
OK, everybody say goodbye to my parents.
- Have a great night! - We will! - Not too great a night! - Uh-huh.
Hey, I'm watching you.
I'm sorry.
They only have one kid.
Hey, Popko.
Cute hat.
It's the same one I always wear.
You're so funny! [giggles unnaturally.]
So, you guys wanna see the Kevin Hart movie that came out today, or the Kevin Hart movie that came out yesterday? Yesterday.
[giggles unnaturally.]
What is wrong with you? Nothing.
That's how I laugh.
[giggles again.]
Hey, babe, what do you wanna see? Whichever one you want.
I was talking to Bethany.
Oh.
Boy So you guys are a thing? We don't like labels, but it's all good.
Sure.
All good.
What in the heck is going on here?! Max, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it? I just spent 25 minutes picking out the perfect outfit for Ramona's date with you.
And then I walk into this You thought we were on a date? I didn't think we were on a date.
Oh, yes, she did.
And if you weren't two feet taller than me, we'd be taking this outside.
What is going on here? I have no idea.
Neither do I.
Let's go see that movie.
That's right, Popko.
You'd best walk away.
You're lucky I'm not allowed out after dark! [jazz music plays.]
Why would you buy a gift for a wedding you weren't invited to? Because I'm not gonna show up empty-handed.
And this is a beautiful soup ladle.
They'll enjoy it for years to come.
Ooh.
Here.
It looks like Mickey O'Malley is marrying Colleen O'Shaughnessy.
Oh, an Irish wedding! I hope there'll be riverdancing, I always wanted to be Mrs.
Michael Flatley.
Who? The Lord of the Dance? Traditional Celtic folk dancing? And I thought you were dope, yo.
All right.
Hey, let's skip ahead, OK? Now, remember, the key to crashing a wedding is to blend in.
So if anyone asks, just make up a fun name and a generic back story.
Oh, can I do an Irish accent? Maybe.
Let me hear it.
[very bad Irish accent.]
Someone's after me lucky charms.
Me pink hearts, orange moons, yellow stars, green clovers.
No.
- But I dee-diddlee-dee-dee-dee - No.
No.
OK, I know I said that we weren't coming here to meet guys, and I meant it when I said it, but now that we're here, look over there.
[sighs.]
Stephanie, I am not here to meet men.
Come on, this is a wedding! It's the only time single guys fantasize about settling down.
- Come on.
- No.
I'm just here to have a fun night with my sister and maybe have a good meal, that potato - Hi.
- [Irish accent.]
Hi, yourself.
That's a lovely dress you have on there.
That's a lovely face you have on there.
I'm Sean, what's your name? My name My name is Sinead.
O'Connor.
So, Sinead, do you know the bride or the groom? That depends.
Do you know the bride or the groom? I'm the groom's second cousin.
Oh, well, in that case I'm the bride's fifth cousin.
From County Cork.
Which is in Ireland.
What happened to your accent? Oh, it was terrible so I dropped it.
[laughs.]
So Are you here with someone, or - Oh.
Just my sister.
- Oh.
Carol.
O'Connor.
Right.
Sister Carol! Meet Sean.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was just telling him that we are from County Cork, which is in Ireland.
[whispers.]
I am so good at this! [low voice.]
He can hear you.
I can hear both of you.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Don't forget, when I get tired you guys have to tickle me.
[knocking at the window.]
Look, Tommy! It's Peter Pan.
Came to take us to Neverland! Never mind, it's just Ramona.
What are you doing here? I'm hiding from my parents.
Why aren't you at the movies? I left early.
I hated seeing Popko on a date with that Bethany.
You and me both.
I need to hang out here for a couple of hours, so my parents think I had fun tonight.
They were so excited for me.
I just don't wanna let them down.
Plus it's pretty embarrassing for you.
Anyway, you're on tickle duty.
I gotta use the can.
You don't buy apple juice, you just rent it.
[both.]
Oh Danny boy [both.]
The pipes, the pipes are calling [both.]
From glen to glen [both.]
And down the mountainside [both laugh.]
I know who Danny is.
But who are the glen guys? [laughs.]
I am having the best time with you.
Me too.
Hey, do you wanna trade numbers? Oh, yes, I'd love to.
I think so, I just OK, let me grab my phone.
And talk to my sister, because she picked you out.
Mmm.
You gotta try this corned beef.
It is amazing.
I mean, it's so salty I can feel my feet swelling.
I don't even care.
OK, this is crazy, but I think I'm gonna give that guy my number.
Ooh.
Go for it.
Yeah, but I don't do things like this.
But maybe I should.
I'm always wondering what could go wrong.
Maybe I should start wondering what could go right.
I'll tell you what's right.
This sandwich.
- You're not even listening to me.
- Yeah, I am.
Go get your phone.
Ooh Here.
Stash this spicy mustard in your purse.
[sighs.]
Your sister is great.
Well, she really likes you.
And she's super picky about guys.
[scoffs.]
So am I.
Uh huh? You two know I'm gay, right? You're gay! Yeah.
Of course we knew that you were gay.
I mean, we know gay.
You know, we grew up in a house, actually, with three dads.
Oh.
Yeah, one was, you know, obsessed with his hair.
one was obsessed with cleaning and the other one had a Woodchuck puppet.
I had a confusing childhood, but there was a lot of love.
- Um, do you wanna trade numbers? - Right.
Yeah.
And, if you're free, do you wanna have dinner tomorrow night? I'd love to.
Uh, Sinead.
Carol, I love you to death, but you're kind of hovering.
[Irish music plays.]
Oh, Riverdance! Sean, do you know how? Are you kidding? It was my dream to be Mrs.
Michael Flatley.
Me too! Wait, what? I'm just gonna Woo! Hah! Yeah.
Uh Sinead.
We need to talk about Sean.
I know! Isn't he great? He's handsome, he's charming.
Look at those high kicks! He's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Yeah, about that rainbow.
Woo.
O K.
Uh, sorry.
Yeah [Stephanie.]
Hey, Deej, we need to talk.
Look.
He's just not the right match for you.
Why would you say that? Because [music stops.]
Sean is gay.
Is that true? It is.
And now my grandparents know.
[snapping.]
I think it's fabulous, 'cause now we can just be friends without all that pesky physical attraction that I had and you didn't.
[laughs.]
Do you still wanna have dinner? I'd love to.
But right now, I'd like to talk to that cute waiter.
Be right back.
Here.
A toast.
To my sister.
You took a shot, you know.
I mean, you hit to wrong target, but But I'm proud of you.
Yeah, me too.
You know, I crashed a wedding, I hit on a gay guy.
And I used the men's room 'cause I didn't wanna wait in line.
Now that's a good place to meet men.
I I wish I could be more like you.
You're always ready for adventure, You just go for it all the time.
I wish I could be more like you.
You're always so together.
You even wake up every morning in a good mood.
What's your secret? I go to sleep at 9:30.
Come on, girls, get ready! Oh! She's gonna throw the bouquet! Oh.
Wait, wait Make sure that you do not Whoo! Woo-hoo! [laughs.]
Don't catch the bouquet, because we're not supposed to be here.
Oops, yeah.
Sorry, didn't mean to catch this.
You can do it again.
I'll take that! [Irish accent.]
Who are you exactly? Oh, we're your fifth cousins from County Cork.
I don't have cousins from County Cork.
Oh, is this not the McShamrock wedding? God, well, in that case [sings.]
Goodbye-dee-di-dee-di Thanks.
I'll take this corned beef to go.
Oh! The soup ladle's from us! Here's to date night with my handsome fiancé.
And to a few hours alone with the woman I love.
And your friend's baby.
Cheers, Tommy.
Do you remember when Ramona was that age? Oh, she was so young, and so not on a date with a teenage boy.
Why isn't she returning my texts? Because it disrupts the movie-going experience.
Last week, there was this terrible screaming baby.
Tommy, I should not have taken you to Captain America: Civil War.
Get your man purse, we're going down there.
For the last time, it's not a man purse.
It's a gaucho saddle bag.
How much trouble could they get into? Well, they already made out this afternoon.
We're going down there.
Get my purse.
We'll make sure there's no hanky panky and we'll enjoy a Kevin Hart movie.
He's so funny, 'cause he's so loud.
But he's so little.
I'm home.
- They're back.
- I'm home too.
- Where did you go? - It's a long story.
Play dumb.
OK.
How was my little girl's first date? It was so romantic.
I'll remember it forever.
Going to bed now.
No, no, no, no, no We want details.
Was Señor Popko a gentleman? He was to me.
He bought me popcorn and held the door.
Hey! Ramona, how was your first date? Yeah, tell us everything.
[sighs.]
For the last time, it was romantic and I'll remember it forever.
Good night.
What's wrong with Ramona? Here's what I know.
At first, Ramona didn't like Popko.
Then she kissed him.
Then she liked him.
Then he showed up with another girl, so she didn't like him.
Or maybe she still did.
That part's fuzzy.
Then she snuck out of the movie theater, hid in my room and helped me tickle a dog and a baby.
I should talk to her.
No, you stay here.
This is a girl thing.
Hey, I know about girl things.
Like girl feelings and girl puberty and You're right.
I should stay here.
She-wolf pack, upstairs.
Mush.
Man, I'm glad I'm a dude.
Hey.
Max told us what happened.
Are you OK? Yes, I'm fine.
I'm just never going on a date again.
Not that I even went on one.
I was so stupid.
Oh, honey, you weren't stupid, you just got caught up in your feelings.
And out of all the boys to like.
Why did I fall for Popko? He's such a jerk.
I can answer this one.
To quote the queen of disco, Donna Summer, "Bad, bad, bad, bad boys.
They make me feel so good.
" What? I mean, they do.
Well, until they don't.
Which is why you have to be careful who you pick.
Because some guys can be jerks.
And some guys can just like guys.
But enough about my night.
I think what they're trying to say is you have to make sure whoever you're kissing is worthy of you.
Because you are precious.
Thanks, you guys.
I could have used that speech before my first kiss.
Do you remember that joker, Rusty? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, New Year's eve! Yeah, I ate an onion so that Rusty wouldn't kiss me.
But then for some reason I kissed him.
That's right.
My first kiss was with some guy at a spin the bottle party.
Jake Bitterman! That's right, and yours was the same night with Kevin Gwynn.
Oh, Mylanta! [exhales violently.]
Happy New Year.
Whoa! Mmm! Mommy! So your first kisses weren't very special either? That makes me feel better.
The good news is your first kiss is not your last kiss.
Yeah.
You're gonna kiss a lot of boys.
Well, hopefully not that many.
Just know that I'm always here for you.
Me too.
So am I.
Thanks.
This three moms thing is kind of cool.
You know what, I'd like to nominate Ramona to become an honorary she-wolf pup in training.
- I second.
- All in favor, say I.
[all three.]
I.
Are you ready for your first official howl? I'm a little nervous.
Oh, so was I, just do your best.
Three, two, one [all howl.]
One, two, three, four [theme tune plays.]
You guys ever try interacting with each other? Who do you think we're texting? [all three laugh.]
[Ramona.]
That was a good one.
[Jackson.]
Yeah.
Oh, man, it's 4:30, gotta go Facetime Lola.
Hey, sounds like you're finally getting somewhere.
Well, I'm actually Facetiming her brother, but with any luck she'll be in the background.
Jackson's my best friend.
But man, he's got no game.
He's been working Lola for eight months and all he got was one pathetic pity peck.
Yeah, the poor kid called it a makeout session.
Delusional.
[giggles.]
So, how many guys have you kissed? None of your business.
So, zero? I'm just waiting for the right guy.
But I don't know if I'll ever find him in our lame school.
All of the boys are so immature.
It's true.
We're very childish.
But hey, if I were you, I'd get that first kiss out of the way so you know what you're doing.
Maybe with someone you don't like at all.
Like me.
You have a good point.
I really don't like you.
Then Popko's the guy for all your makeout needs.
Step into my office and take a seat.
OK.
Let's do it.
Really? [scoffs.]
That worked? Yes.
I wanna get my first kiss out of the way.
Just stop talking before I change my mind.
Wow.
So that's what all the fuss was about.
There's no way that was your first kiss.
You were pretty good.
One more and you'll really have it down.
OK, let's do it again.
Yuck! I watch TV on that couch.
- Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend? - No.
We don't even like each other.
Just so you know, Cosmo, when I kiss you that means I love you.
You teenagers are so shallow.
Tommy, can I have a bite? Mmm Mmm! So good! Hi.
Hey, Deej.
[sighs.]
Stephanie, feed me too.
[sighs.]
Something strained, I'm too tired to chew.
Well I've seen this before.
A cup of tea, a hot bubble bath, you'll be in bed by 9:30.
So not true.
I'll never make it to 9:30.
Come on, let's go out.
It's Saturday night.
It's been ages since we've had a sister night.
Oh, you know what's in town? My favorite musical! We are not seeing Wicked again.
But it's about sisters! And it's a sister night! Let it go.
Oh, we could go to the Frozen singalong! You know what? Just take your bubble bath and go to bed.
What? OK, OK, OK.
Well, what do you wanna do? Well, you know, you've had a couple rough weeks in the romance department.
You let Steve and Matt get away, and then you got rejected by the UPS guy.
What UPS guy? Well, I tried to set you up, but he said he wasn't available for five to seven business days and then you'd have to be here when he arrives.
Look, the point is we need to find you a good guy.
No, I don't need a good guy.
I just need a night out with my sister.
Agreed, which is why you should go and put on a pretty party dress and go out as if we were meeting guys, which we're not.
Whoa, whoa, whoa You guys better not be going out without me.
We're the she-wolf pack! In the words of The Jungle Book, "The wolf is the pack and the pack is the wolf.
" [howls.]
Oh, sorry.
Do you wanna go out with us? Nah, I'm busy.
So where are we gonna go? We're gonna go to an amazing party where everyone is dressed fabulously and we're gonna eat and drink and dance for free.
It's called a wedding.
Ooh, I love weddings.
Whose wedding? Don't know until we crash it.
We're gonna be wedding crashers? I'm a good girl gone bad! Let's stay out till 10:30.
I'll pay for it tomorrow, but what the hey! Oh, yeah, you're one wild and crazy momma.
Mom, I've got big news.
- I can tell you anything, right? - Of course you can, we're like sisters.
In fact, we're like twin sisters.
From a distance.
At night.
Mom, you'll never believe it.
I just had my first kiss! [both scream.]
When was it? Where was it? Who was it? Five minutes ago.
Living room.
Popko.
Popko? That cocky little kid with the hat? I mean, that's great, honey.
It's OK, Mom.
I mean, I thought he was conceited too, but now that I kissed him, he's not that bad.
Really? Yeah, and he's kinda cute too.
That pork pie hat is adorable.
I know.
Now I think I kinda like him.
Aww.
Hey, Popko just texted me.
He wants to know if you wanna go to the movies with him and some friends tonight.
He does? He likes me too! Get used to it.
The Gibbler women are like man magnets.
OK, tell him Ramona said, "Yeah, sure.
" Wait, no, no.
That sounds too desperate, right? Um Say, "OK, whatever.
" And type it just like I said it.
OK, whatever.
Perfect! Excuse me, Ramona.
What are you doing? As a part of my One Kid Can Make A Difference project, I'm watering your plants with my recycled bathtub water.
You're welcome.
You're using dirty bath water? No, it has soap in it.
So it's clean.
Why aren't you smarter? Max, I have bigger problems here.
What dress should I wear on my first date with Popko? We're going to the movies.
Wait.
You have a date with the kid you don't like.
Yes.
Because I changed my mind and now I like him.
I get it.
I was the same way with Blake Shelton.
There's just something about him.
So, movie date.
Always dress to match your snacks, in case you spill.
What's your favorite Icee flavor? Blue or red? - Red.
- There's your answer.
Now let's talk shoes.
OK.
How about these? Flats? Don't you have anything in a chunky heel? [doorbell rings.]
Here we go, this is really happening! Oh, honey, you look so pretty.
Come here.
Aww.
[Spanish accent.]
I'm going to let this boy know there will be no monkey business.
And then I'll make him like me.
Just please do not embarrass me.
- Hey, Popko.
- Hey.
- Hey, dude.
- Hello, Señor Popko.
[speaks in Spanish.]
[continues to speak threateningly in Spanish.]
Hey, bro.
Have a gnarly night.
OK, everybody say goodbye to my parents.
- Have a great night! - We will! - Not too great a night! - Uh-huh.
Hey, I'm watching you.
I'm sorry.
They only have one kid.
Hey, Popko.
Cute hat.
It's the same one I always wear.
You're so funny! [giggles unnaturally.]
So, you guys wanna see the Kevin Hart movie that came out today, or the Kevin Hart movie that came out yesterday? Yesterday.
[giggles unnaturally.]
What is wrong with you? Nothing.
That's how I laugh.
[giggles again.]
Hey, babe, what do you wanna see? Whichever one you want.
I was talking to Bethany.
Oh.
Boy So you guys are a thing? We don't like labels, but it's all good.
Sure.
All good.
What in the heck is going on here?! Max, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it? I just spent 25 minutes picking out the perfect outfit for Ramona's date with you.
And then I walk into this You thought we were on a date? I didn't think we were on a date.
Oh, yes, she did.
And if you weren't two feet taller than me, we'd be taking this outside.
What is going on here? I have no idea.
Neither do I.
Let's go see that movie.
That's right, Popko.
You'd best walk away.
You're lucky I'm not allowed out after dark! [jazz music plays.]
Why would you buy a gift for a wedding you weren't invited to? Because I'm not gonna show up empty-handed.
And this is a beautiful soup ladle.
They'll enjoy it for years to come.
Ooh.
Here.
It looks like Mickey O'Malley is marrying Colleen O'Shaughnessy.
Oh, an Irish wedding! I hope there'll be riverdancing, I always wanted to be Mrs.
Michael Flatley.
Who? The Lord of the Dance? Traditional Celtic folk dancing? And I thought you were dope, yo.
All right.
Hey, let's skip ahead, OK? Now, remember, the key to crashing a wedding is to blend in.
So if anyone asks, just make up a fun name and a generic back story.
Oh, can I do an Irish accent? Maybe.
Let me hear it.
[very bad Irish accent.]
Someone's after me lucky charms.
Me pink hearts, orange moons, yellow stars, green clovers.
No.
- But I dee-diddlee-dee-dee-dee - No.
No.
OK, I know I said that we weren't coming here to meet guys, and I meant it when I said it, but now that we're here, look over there.
[sighs.]
Stephanie, I am not here to meet men.
Come on, this is a wedding! It's the only time single guys fantasize about settling down.
- Come on.
- No.
I'm just here to have a fun night with my sister and maybe have a good meal, that potato - Hi.
- [Irish accent.]
Hi, yourself.
That's a lovely dress you have on there.
That's a lovely face you have on there.
I'm Sean, what's your name? My name My name is Sinead.
O'Connor.
So, Sinead, do you know the bride or the groom? That depends.
Do you know the bride or the groom? I'm the groom's second cousin.
Oh, well, in that case I'm the bride's fifth cousin.
From County Cork.
Which is in Ireland.
What happened to your accent? Oh, it was terrible so I dropped it.
[laughs.]
So Are you here with someone, or - Oh.
Just my sister.
- Oh.
Carol.
O'Connor.
Right.
Sister Carol! Meet Sean.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was just telling him that we are from County Cork, which is in Ireland.
[whispers.]
I am so good at this! [low voice.]
He can hear you.
I can hear both of you.
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle Don't forget, when I get tired you guys have to tickle me.
[knocking at the window.]
Look, Tommy! It's Peter Pan.
Came to take us to Neverland! Never mind, it's just Ramona.
What are you doing here? I'm hiding from my parents.
Why aren't you at the movies? I left early.
I hated seeing Popko on a date with that Bethany.
You and me both.
I need to hang out here for a couple of hours, so my parents think I had fun tonight.
They were so excited for me.
I just don't wanna let them down.
Plus it's pretty embarrassing for you.
Anyway, you're on tickle duty.
I gotta use the can.
You don't buy apple juice, you just rent it.
[both.]
Oh Danny boy [both.]
The pipes, the pipes are calling [both.]
From glen to glen [both.]
And down the mountainside [both laugh.]
I know who Danny is.
But who are the glen guys? [laughs.]
I am having the best time with you.
Me too.
Hey, do you wanna trade numbers? Oh, yes, I'd love to.
I think so, I just OK, let me grab my phone.
And talk to my sister, because she picked you out.
Mmm.
You gotta try this corned beef.
It is amazing.
I mean, it's so salty I can feel my feet swelling.
I don't even care.
OK, this is crazy, but I think I'm gonna give that guy my number.
Ooh.
Go for it.
Yeah, but I don't do things like this.
But maybe I should.
I'm always wondering what could go wrong.
Maybe I should start wondering what could go right.
I'll tell you what's right.
This sandwich.
- You're not even listening to me.
- Yeah, I am.
Go get your phone.
Ooh Here.
Stash this spicy mustard in your purse.
[sighs.]
Your sister is great.
Well, she really likes you.
And she's super picky about guys.
[scoffs.]
So am I.
Uh huh? You two know I'm gay, right? You're gay! Yeah.
Of course we knew that you were gay.
I mean, we know gay.
You know, we grew up in a house, actually, with three dads.
Oh.
Yeah, one was, you know, obsessed with his hair.
one was obsessed with cleaning and the other one had a Woodchuck puppet.
I had a confusing childhood, but there was a lot of love.
- Um, do you wanna trade numbers? - Right.
Yeah.
And, if you're free, do you wanna have dinner tomorrow night? I'd love to.
Uh, Sinead.
Carol, I love you to death, but you're kind of hovering.
[Irish music plays.]
Oh, Riverdance! Sean, do you know how? Are you kidding? It was my dream to be Mrs.
Michael Flatley.
Me too! Wait, what? I'm just gonna Woo! Hah! Yeah.
Uh Sinead.
We need to talk about Sean.
I know! Isn't he great? He's handsome, he's charming.
Look at those high kicks! He's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Yeah, about that rainbow.
Woo.
O K.
Uh, sorry.
Yeah [Stephanie.]
Hey, Deej, we need to talk.
Look.
He's just not the right match for you.
Why would you say that? Because [music stops.]
Sean is gay.
Is that true? It is.
And now my grandparents know.
[snapping.]
I think it's fabulous, 'cause now we can just be friends without all that pesky physical attraction that I had and you didn't.
[laughs.]
Do you still wanna have dinner? I'd love to.
But right now, I'd like to talk to that cute waiter.
Be right back.
Here.
A toast.
To my sister.
You took a shot, you know.
I mean, you hit to wrong target, but But I'm proud of you.
Yeah, me too.
You know, I crashed a wedding, I hit on a gay guy.
And I used the men's room 'cause I didn't wanna wait in line.
Now that's a good place to meet men.
I I wish I could be more like you.
You're always ready for adventure, You just go for it all the time.
I wish I could be more like you.
You're always so together.
You even wake up every morning in a good mood.
What's your secret? I go to sleep at 9:30.
Come on, girls, get ready! Oh! She's gonna throw the bouquet! Oh.
Wait, wait Make sure that you do not Whoo! Woo-hoo! [laughs.]
Don't catch the bouquet, because we're not supposed to be here.
Oops, yeah.
Sorry, didn't mean to catch this.
You can do it again.
I'll take that! [Irish accent.]
Who are you exactly? Oh, we're your fifth cousins from County Cork.
I don't have cousins from County Cork.
Oh, is this not the McShamrock wedding? God, well, in that case [sings.]
Goodbye-dee-di-dee-di Thanks.
I'll take this corned beef to go.
Oh! The soup ladle's from us! Here's to date night with my handsome fiancé.
And to a few hours alone with the woman I love.
And your friend's baby.
Cheers, Tommy.
Do you remember when Ramona was that age? Oh, she was so young, and so not on a date with a teenage boy.
Why isn't she returning my texts? Because it disrupts the movie-going experience.
Last week, there was this terrible screaming baby.
Tommy, I should not have taken you to Captain America: Civil War.
Get your man purse, we're going down there.
For the last time, it's not a man purse.
It's a gaucho saddle bag.
How much trouble could they get into? Well, they already made out this afternoon.
We're going down there.
Get my purse.
We'll make sure there's no hanky panky and we'll enjoy a Kevin Hart movie.
He's so funny, 'cause he's so loud.
But he's so little.
I'm home.
- They're back.
- I'm home too.
- Where did you go? - It's a long story.
Play dumb.
OK.
How was my little girl's first date? It was so romantic.
I'll remember it forever.
Going to bed now.
No, no, no, no, no We want details.
Was Señor Popko a gentleman? He was to me.
He bought me popcorn and held the door.
Hey! Ramona, how was your first date? Yeah, tell us everything.
[sighs.]
For the last time, it was romantic and I'll remember it forever.
Good night.
What's wrong with Ramona? Here's what I know.
At first, Ramona didn't like Popko.
Then she kissed him.
Then she liked him.
Then he showed up with another girl, so she didn't like him.
Or maybe she still did.
That part's fuzzy.
Then she snuck out of the movie theater, hid in my room and helped me tickle a dog and a baby.
I should talk to her.
No, you stay here.
This is a girl thing.
Hey, I know about girl things.
Like girl feelings and girl puberty and You're right.
I should stay here.
She-wolf pack, upstairs.
Mush.
Man, I'm glad I'm a dude.
Hey.
Max told us what happened.
Are you OK? Yes, I'm fine.
I'm just never going on a date again.
Not that I even went on one.
I was so stupid.
Oh, honey, you weren't stupid, you just got caught up in your feelings.
And out of all the boys to like.
Why did I fall for Popko? He's such a jerk.
I can answer this one.
To quote the queen of disco, Donna Summer, "Bad, bad, bad, bad boys.
They make me feel so good.
" What? I mean, they do.
Well, until they don't.
Which is why you have to be careful who you pick.
Because some guys can be jerks.
And some guys can just like guys.
But enough about my night.
I think what they're trying to say is you have to make sure whoever you're kissing is worthy of you.
Because you are precious.
Thanks, you guys.
I could have used that speech before my first kiss.
Do you remember that joker, Rusty? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, New Year's eve! Yeah, I ate an onion so that Rusty wouldn't kiss me.
But then for some reason I kissed him.
That's right.
My first kiss was with some guy at a spin the bottle party.
Jake Bitterman! That's right, and yours was the same night with Kevin Gwynn.
Oh, Mylanta! [exhales violently.]
Happy New Year.
Whoa! Mmm! Mommy! So your first kisses weren't very special either? That makes me feel better.
The good news is your first kiss is not your last kiss.
Yeah.
You're gonna kiss a lot of boys.
Well, hopefully not that many.
Just know that I'm always here for you.
Me too.
So am I.
Thanks.
This three moms thing is kind of cool.
You know what, I'd like to nominate Ramona to become an honorary she-wolf pup in training.
- I second.
- All in favor, say I.
[all three.]
I.
Are you ready for your first official howl? I'm a little nervous.
Oh, so was I, just do your best.
Three, two, one [all howl.]
One, two, three, four [theme tune plays.]