Fuller House (2016) s03e01 Episode Script

Best Summer Ever

1 It's the first day of summer vacation! It's not that I don't love school I do But summer is so much better It's true Come on, Jackson Get out of bed, let's go You deserve the best summer ever, bro Come on, guys, let's go party Lead the way so we won't be tardy You can come too, and you, and you And even you Come on outside, everyone Oh, look, it's my favorite son Hey! Just kidding, I love you all the same Not really, your brothers are lame.
Let's make this the best summer ever I'm enjoying my scrambled eggs But whatever One, two, three, four.
[ALL] Sounds of the summer streets Big surf, waves crashin' Hot days, cool cars Radios a-blastin' Best summer ever Gonna party with my friends It's never gonna end We're really in this thing together [ALL] Best summer ever Yeah, the beat is gonna drop The fun will never stop And nothing would be better The summer breeze, the evening stars The clickity clack of the cable cars Holding hands and summer kisses What a magical feeling this is [ALL] I know you feel The same way, too - Best summer ever - Rain or blue sky Never let a day go by - Best summer ever - Always way too fast Gonna make it last Best summer Best summer ever Sounds of the summer streets Big surf, waves crashin' Hot days, cool cars Radios a-blastin' Best summer ever Best summer ever - Max, wake up.
- Wha You're having a dream.
You mean, it's not the first day of summer? No.
It is.
In that case Two, three, four.
Best summer ever La, la, la, la, la, la Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy The evening TV Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a heart A hand to hold onto Everywhere you look, everywhere you go There's a face Somebody who needs you Everywhere you look When you're lost out there And you're all alone A light is waiting to carry you home Everywhere you look La, la, la, la, la, la It's so nice to wake up early and have a few minutes of calm before the storm.
- Yeah.
- Big news! Hello, storm.
CJ and I have something very important to Ooh, pancakes.
Steve and I have set a date.
We are getting married at the end of the summer in Japan.
[BOTH] Huh? [ALL] Huh? We're going to Japan because that's where my stepfather lives.
And he's paying for the whole thing.
[ALL] Ah.
We really want you guys to come.
I mean, I know Japan is a tad inconvenient, but really it's just a hop, skip and a 6,000-mile jump.
You do know that there's a really nice Benihana right around the corner.
What she's trying to say is, we'll be there.
All right! Oh, honey, we got to get going.
We have to sign up for our gift registries.
Ah, Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn And Applebee's! I love their potato skins.
You know honey, we're gonna go to that one first.
Steve is really getting married.
And not to you.
Which is fine, if you happen to hate fairy tales and happy endings.
Would you just admit defeat, Team Steve? All right, she has found her perfect match in dreamy Dr.
He is pretty dreamy.
In fact, I had a dream about him last night.
[KIMMY AND STEPHANIE] Ooh! We were folding laundry, if you know what I mean.
Tell me more.
What? There's nothing more to tell.
We were literally folding laundry.
Hey, Steph-o-Noodle.
I just came by to let you know that my RV will be parked at Costco today, because somebody decided to make the city post those "No Overnight Parking" signs.
Why are you looking at me? It is an eyesore.
You're always blocking my driveway.
I can never find a place to park.
OK, it was me.
Morning, Deej.
I thought we could carpool into work, we don't spend enough time together.
Oh, I know.
We have to fix that.
What are you talking about? You guys work together eight hours a day.
But we hardly see each other.
She does dogs and cats, I do birds and bunnies.
I can't carpool today.
I have to tell Jackson I'm sending him to summer school.
Ouch, summer school's the worst.
That's why I made him a special lunch.
A steak sandwich.
[MATT] Ooh.
An entire pumpkin pie.
And a $50 iTunes gift card.
Deej, you could put Selena Gomez in that bag, and it ain't gonna help.
Well, I gotta go.
But I hate saying goodbye to you.
Oh, me too.
I'm really gonna miss you.
I'm really gonna miss you, too.
- See you in ten minutes? - Fifteen if there's traffic.
You know, Deej, you and Matt really got to find some time to connect.
- Jimmy and I connect every day.
- Oh, yeah, we do.
Ew! Which is another reason why I want that RV moved.
Hey, don't worry about Matt and me.
I'm gonna fix this.
Oh, yeah, you will.
- No.
She doesn't like that.
- Don't do that? OK.
Hola, amigos.
And now, adiós.
Where are you sneaking off to? Nowhere.
Did I just get the cheek? Mi amor.
Don't "mi amor" me until you tell me "amor" about what you're up to.
I'm up to nothing.
And now I must go.
With no one.
For no reason.
I'm going to be late.
For nothing.
[CHANTING LOUDLY] No school! No school! - [JACKSON] Yeah, no school.
- [CHANTING] No school! This is gonna be the Best summer ever I don't know why, but I can't get that song out of my head.
- Bye, Mom.
- Oh, honey, wait.
- Where you going? - With Popko to Mighty Mountain.
Oh, I love that tidal wave ride.
Wait for me.
I'll go get our matching ponchos, and a spare bra.
Nothing is worse than a soggy brassiere.
Mom, you know I love you, but you're kind of a third wheel.
I just wanna hang out with my baby.
Tell you what, if you give me your credit card, it'll be like a little piece of you is with me everywhere I go.
That is so sweet.
If you need me, I'll be on the couch for the next three months.
About that.
Hold up.
Just call me Chillaxin' Jackson.
You and I need to talk, and it's a little bit awkward.
Mom, I know where babies come from.
It's about what happened last school year.
About how I crushed it? Did you? Because a D-minus in History is not exactly crushing it.
Which is why I've decided you're gonna pull up that bad grade in summer school.
Summer school? Mom, you can't be serious.
I'm gonna be hanging out with Lola all summer.
I don't even know how to process this.
Luckily you don't have to, because school starts today.
Here are your books, and a special lunch.
Don't forget to look under the pie for a please-don't-hate-me gift card.
What? So, like, don't even argue? Just go? Mom, you can't do this to me.
I'm Chillaxin' Jackson.
Now you're History Passin' Jackson.
You know, it's just hitting me.
This summer is my last chance to be with Ramona before she's in high school, and gone forever.
And this summer is my last chance to help Jackson before he becomes an unemployed moocher who lives on my couch forever.
I hear you talking about me.
- Are you here for summer school? - No, I'm an undercover narc.
Should you be telling me that? Dude, I'm not a narc.
Ah, got it.
You're not a narc.
I can see why you're in summer school.
I'm Roxanne, but they call me Rocki.
- What's your name? - I'm Jackson.
But, the ladies call me J-Money.
- No, they don't.
- You're right, they don't.
[BELL RINGS] Little tip, kid.
Don't make eye contact with the weird guy with the beard.
He could snap at any moment.
We're starting.
That's our teacher? I saw him in the parking lot, sobbing in a Smart car.
[VOICE WAVERING] I said, we're starting.
Man, I love living in the Costco parking lot.
They got all these free samples.
These Swedish meatballs are so good, I almost bought some.
But then I thought, "Why? They're free.
" You know, Morris, it is so nice of you to let Jimmy keep his RV here.
So, here's the thing.
I like you guys, but Costco wants you off the property unless you're actually gonna buy something.
Well, then tell Costco to stop giving away free stuff.
Uh, I I gotta go.
I just realized I left my Taser in the handicap bathroom again.
I know I shouldn't be in there, but it is way cleaner.
[STEPHANIE] Oh, boy! Jimmy, you need to see this.
Isn't that Fernando hugging on a hot blonde with two grande lattes? Are you sure? Well, they could be ventis, they're really big.
The point is, I think Fernando is cheating on Kimmy.
[JIMMY SIGHS] Like, this is gonna break her heart.
Try and let her down easy.
Me? You're her brother, you tell her.
I can't.
I avoid all confrontation.
Babe, you just need to step up, and y A la, la, la, la, la Meatball.
La, la, la Good news, Thumper.
We were able to save your foot.
The bad news is it's attached to my keychain.
What? Thumper got the joke.
Oh, Matt? Whoa.
Oh! You were saying? Whoa.
Let me just set the mood.
The wheels on the bus Go round and round Sorry.
Tommy's playlist.
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS] Are you OK? Yeah, I'm being sexy.
Oh, OK.
Um, what happened to no hanky-panky at the workplace? Oh, we don't have to panky, but But a little hanky never hurt anyone.
Ready, set, go.
- Oh! - Oh! Mrs.
Hathaway, you're early.
See, well We're business partners, but we're also business partners, if you You know, bow-chicka-bow-wow.
I, um I'll just take the cat.
- Hi.
- Hi.
[SHOUTS] Jackson! I picked up your favorite pizza! Somebody's feeling guilty about sending somebody to summer school.
[SHOUTS] And an ice cream cake! [JACKSON] I'll eat alone.
Was summer school that bad? You tell me.
That's right, Tommy.
The kitty says "meow.
" [LAUGHING] If it makes it any better, I had a tough day, too.
At Mighty Mountain, I rode so many rides, and took so many selfies that my phone died.
Bye, kitty.
Hey, how did this happen? I fell asleep in class, and this kid, Rocki, drew all over my face.
Now I can't get it off.
Wait, you fell asleep on your first day? You're missing the point.
I got pranked and everyone made fun of me.
Well, I hope this Rocki got in big trouble.
[KNOCK ON DOOR] [SHOUTS] It's always open! Really? You just let people walk in? How have you not been murdered by now? Rocki, what are you doing here? You're Rocki? Why would you draw on my son's face? He fell asleep in class and started snoring like a cat.
The principal said I had to apologize, so my mom drove me over here.
[CAR HORN HONKS] [SCREAMS] I'm doing it! So, Jackson, I'm really sorry for drawing on your face.
And on the small of your back.
What? Your crack was showing, so I drew a tulip growing out of it.
Rocki, how long does it take to say "I'm sorry"? Gia.
Of course this little angel belongs to you.
Hi, Deej.
Nice to see you.
[KISSING] You know, we should really get together sometime.
Oh, I would love to.
But I don't want to.
Anyway, I got to get to Pilates, guys.
So, are we good? Does it look like I'm good? I'm out of here.
And I'm out of summer school, too.
He should really be in drama camp.
You two need to go.
And for the first time ever, I'm locking the door.
It won't come off.
Man, I wish I had a time machine, so I could go back to this morning and not go to summer school.
Or you could go back to last semester and get a better grade in History.
You don't understand the fun of time travel at all.
I'm quitting summer school.
You can ground me, take away my devices, brand me with a hot metal iron.
Brand you? Why would I do that? Because you're mean.
I'm sorry you're upset, but it's important to me that you care about always doing your best.
Maybe I did do my best.
You ever think about that? No, because you and I both know that you didn't.
But I tell you what: Since you're almost in high school, I am gonna trust you to make the right decision here.
Really? You mean it? It's my decision? It's not really my decision, is it? OK.
I'll go back.
You see? One day in summer school, you're smarter already.
I just want you to go to a great college, find a job that you love, and have a wonderful life.
Thanks, Mom.
Because you're not living here forever.
You're still living here.
Hey, Stephanie.
I can't stay long, my RV is double-parked.
I told that ambulance I'd be right back, but those paramedics are always in such a hurry.
Jimmy, do you realize that we've spent over half of our relationship looking for a parking spot for your RV? I wish you would seriously think about finding a real place to live.
Have faith.
Somehow, the universe will provide.
Speaking of universes, Kimmy's is about to be destroyed.
Now, remember, we decided to tell her about the blonde together.
- Absolutely.
- Great.
- Hey, guys.
- [YELPS] Stephanie's got some bad news for you.
It involves Fernando cheating.
It's your turn.
What is he talking about? Sit down.
Have some lemonade.
So Jimmy and I saw Fernando hugging a beautiful blonde with two grande lattes.
I know Fernando's been acting weird, but I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation.
Kimberlina, we have a big announcement.
Let me begin by saying, I love this woman.
Stephanie was right! What's going on? [FERNANDO] What? Have some lemonade.
It's a little tart, just like you.
I'm his realtor.
Nothing is going on here except a smooth and painless escrow.
In fact, all this man can talk about is how much he loves you.
Allow me.
How rude.
I am so sorry.
I've been shot four times, this is nothing.
Here's my card for all your housing needs.
Call Debbie Gold, everything I touch turns to sold.
What did I miss? Well, I threw a glass of lemonade in my face.
Made the same mistake.
The key is to use a straw.
People, come to the kitchen.
I have wonderful news.
Today, I close escrow on a fabulous home for me and Kimberlina and Ramona to move into together.
Surprise! You bought us a house? Surprise! Get this, it's the old Gibbler house.
Seriously? You bought us [IN SPANISH ACCENT] the Gibbler house? Yes.
The Gibbler house.
I can't believe you bought [IN SPANISH ACCENT] the Gibbler house.
Wait, have I been pronouncing my last name wrong all these years? Wow.
I'd really miss you and Ramona, and You and Ramona.
Max, I know you must be happy.
You have wanted me gone since the day I moved in.
I don't know how to feel.
On the one hand, I don't like you.
On the other hand, I need you.
You're my nemesis.
I need a chewable aspirin.
Fernando, I have to say, buying us a home is a beautiful gesture.
So, you're moving in? But I also have to say I'm very angry I wasn't consulted.
So, you're not moving in? But I appreciate you trying to make me happy.
So, you are moving in? But this does not make me happy.
So, you're not moving in? You just do whatever you want and expect me to go along with it.
But I'm only thinking of you when I tell you what to do.
Because I have the best ideas.
I'm sorry.
But I made a commitment to DJ.
So, I'm staying right here with the She-Wolf Pack.
[WOLF HOWL] [ALL HOWL] Well, I am not leaving this house without a Gibbler in my arms.
See, Steph? I told you the universe provides.
Hey, DJ, you might be busy with whatever this is.
Can I talk to you for a sec? Sure.
We are gonna have so much fun, roomie.
What's up? Hey, what was going on today with that whole "bow-chicka-bow-wow"? I was trying to sneak a date night into a work day.
I just feel like our relationship is always competing with work, and kids, and Well, I guess that's it.
Sweetheart, come here.
Sit down with me.
What is it you're worried about, Deej? I mean, we're a great couple.
I just want us to keep growing closer so we can build something special.
And I feel like we are.
I couldn't be happier about us.
DJ, I love you.
Did you just say "I love you"? You've never said that before.
I've been thinking it for a while.
So have I.
Oh, well You haven't actually said it yet.
OK, here I go.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, Mylanta! We're in love.