Futurama s03e04 Episode Script

Parasites Lost Breaker, breaker, this is the|Duck.
You Wanna back off them hogs? Ten-four.
Five miles or so.
|Ten, roger.
I'd better check the fluid levels.
We're okay on Coke syrup.
Oh, man, come on! Coming through! - What's that black cracker?|- A tomato.
You're eating a sandwich|from a men's room? What's the worst thing|that could happen? Ugh, it's like a party in my mouth,|and everyone's throwing up.
Look.
One of them things|like on our mud flaps.
- Yosemite Sam?|- I'm gonna put my moves on her.
Jerk! No one hoots at my captain unless|they wanna go to the next level.
Fry, I'd rather not dignify them|with an ass-whipping.
Yo, sexy mama, let's get busy|and freaky, in that order.
How would you like it if Leela said|she wanted to make love with you? I got five minutes.
She looks|pretty good for a truck-stop chick.
You take that back! She does not|look good for a truck-stop chick! You're right, she don't got|enough meat for me.
She does too!|She's got more meat than a cow.
Ow! Meat than a cow! I can't please Leela no matter|what I do.
I just want her to like me.
Well, there's always hope.
We gotta go fix|the plasma fusion boiler.
- Who are you?|- Scruffy.
A janitor.
- Why aren't you fixing the boiler?|- Schedule conflict.
There, fixed forever.
Oh! Scruffy's gonna die|the way he lived.
Oh, marmalade.
Oh, the hypochondriac's back.
|What is it this time? - My lead pipe hurts a little.
|- That's normal.
Next.
Hm.
He's a witch! - Did you eat anything unusual recently?|- No.
- What about that bathroom egg salad?|- I've had better.
Egg salad? Zoidberg will have to|examine your gastrointestinal tract.
Come, everyone.
|Give Fry some privacy.
If you can't see well enough, there'll|be a close-up on this video screen.
We'll need to have a look|inside you with this camera.
Guess again.
- Gross!|- Go, man, go.
Watch for any subtle irregularity|in Fry's bowel.
It's gorgeous.
|That place used to be a dump.
Eww! - Worms? Puke-a-tronic!|- So the eggs in that sandwich were-? Correct! Worm eggs.
And the|mayonnaise wasn't too fresh either.
It's nauseating, man.
Is there no way|to get rid of the disgusting maggots? Only one.
We'll have to travel|deep inside Fry in this! - Shotgun!|- Shotgun! Aw.
In each survival kit is a|rain slicker, a disposable camera and something to protect you|against bacteria: a harpoon.
Yo, old guy.
Why do we have to use|micro-droids? Can't you just shrink us? No.
That would require extremely tiny|atoms.
Have you priced those lately? - I'm not made of money.
Leave me alone!|- Me next! Your net suits will let you experience|Fry's worm-infested bowels as if you were actually|wriggling through them.
There's no part of that sentence|I didn't like.
Is everyone present?|Definitely.
Here's the plan.
We enter the ear,|drip down the back of the throat and make for the bowel.
There,|we'll irritate the splenic ganglion and cause a spasm, expelling,|among other things, the parasites.
- I'll tell Fry to wash out his ear.
|- No! Fry can't know about the mission.
If he finds out, the worms|will defend themselves.
- They know everything he knows.
|- Like how to make ice-cream soup? - Leela! Your role is to distract Fry.
|- Can do! Leela, you should really try|a facial scrub for your pores.
- Look, a starling!|- Really? Shh, be very quiet.
We're in the ear.
- Okay, professor.
|- What? What about what? What if we go for a walk, possibly,|because it's such a lovely day? I'd love to.
- Let's go where he won't put his finger.
|- It's hopeless! Wait! We just have to get past|the eardrum.
What are they doing to his brain? Giving it a tune-up.
A quick glance suggests|they've doubled his thinking power.
My God! Soon he'll be smarter|than Cher! Ah, the scent of a rose.
Curious|how aromatic hydrocarbons can evoke deep emotions.
|For you.
That's a beautiful thought.
And you expressed it|without spewing crumbs at me.
Brace yourselves.
We're entering|the interior of Fry's nose.
We're at finger-alert five! Let's just pray nothing stimulates|his smell receptors.
Nobody make a smell.
Quick! We can escape through|that capillary into the sinus.
Usually you don't know|a thing about human anatomy.
I learned it from a decongestant|commercial: "Soothing action " - Where are we, the ass?|- The heart.
- Better known as the love muscle.
|- Which digests food.
We should be safe so long|as nothing makes it beat faster.
- Abandon ship!|- No! Set course for|that cholesterol-encrusted valve.
It's good cholesterol,|but it spreads like bad cholesterol.
They're Jazzercising Fry's muscles.
He'll be as strong and flexible as|Gumby and Hercules combined.
Gum-ercules?! I love that guy.
It's that jerk from the truck stop.
|Let's go blend in with those pimps.
I don't think so.
|Sir, you owe this lady an apology.
Fry, no! He's bulging with|what could be muscles.
- Ooh.
|- I got your apologies right here.
Ooh.
Sorry, ma'am.
I've learned a lesson|about not ogling cans I won't forget.
Ah, the stomach.
|Scenic gateway to the bowel.
Abandon ship! No.
Don't give up now.
We're|close to the pyloric sphincter.
Hooray!|We made it! There it is,|the stately capitol of Fry's bowel.
A heavily-guarded fortress|surrounding the splenic ganglion.
I've heard of that.
If we can stimulate it, the bowel|will convulse, expelling the worms.
But what about the worms|in other areas? This is gonna be|one hell of a bowel movement.
- He'll be lucky to have bones left.
|- All right, let's mush some worms! Worms to battle stations! I had a great time.
The flowers,|the puddle, the way you hurt that guy.
- But can I axe you something?|- Anything.
Why did you do all that stuff? Oh.
There's something I've wanted|to tell you.
But when I try, my mouth feels|like it's stuffed with peanut butter.
- Is it about Bender?|- No, it's about you and me.
- And Bender?|- Bender's not involved.
Leela - I love you.
|- You do? But only recently have I been able|to articulate my thoughts.
I love you, Leela,|and I always have.
Fry, that's the sweetest,|most wonderful- Wait! Recently? Like since you ate|that sandwich? Yeah.
I don't know why, but my life|really turned around that day.
Stay here.
Freshen your naugateena? Please, I need something|to settle my stomach.
The nerve is through here.
|Where's Zoidberg? You'll never guess|where I've been.
One! Two! Three! There it is.
|The pelvic splenic ganglion.
Tickle it, then get ready for the ride|of your lives.
- Don't even think about it.
|- Leela! You're in time to help.
If we don't get rid of the worms now,|they'll burrow so deep not even Hermes' famous|jerk prunes could dislodge them.
- I call it Caribbean Drano.
|- Fry will be stuck with worms forever.
Perfect.
Ouch! I'm okay.
|- Leela, you ignorant dope! - Now the worms will be in Fry forever.
|- So? - Maybe Fry is better off with worms.
|- Oh, that's stupid.
If anyone wants to tell me what's|going on, I'll be in the lounge.
Of all the parasites I've had,|these worms are among- They are the best!|How can I repay you for saving them? I'll think of something.
Hello, what's all this, then? Apartment 1I.
|The old me would joke about that.
It's a little underfurnished.
I'm|thinking of having a window installed.
The view's perfect already.
That's the corniest thing I've ever|heard.
Let me show you the bedroom.
Wait.
In a minute.
A holophonor? Only a few people can play that,|and they're not very good.
They don't have you|to inspire them.
I don't have words to say|how wonderful you are.
I haven't felt this happy|since double-soup Tuesday.
With you, every day|is like double-soup Tuesday.
Oh, Fry, I love what you've become.
What I've become - What is it?|- There's something I have to find out.
Who controls this bowel?|- Who wants to know? - I am the lord mayor of Cologne!|- You mean colon? - State your business.
|- Have you ever been in love? I thought I was once.
But then I remembered we reproduce|with spore clouds.
A wonderful girl loves me, but I need|to know if it's me she loves or just what you worms|have made of me.
So - I'm asking you to leave.
|- Listen, you! I was born here.
I raised a cloud of children here.
My|ancestors came here on the sandwich.
No one can make me leave! - Get out or the brain gets it!|- He's bluffing! He wouldn't willingly make|himself an idiot.
Obviously you've never been in love.
Now, the hand-eye coordination lobe.
You've damaged your brain but no more than a few drinks|or five minutes on a cell phone.
I was working my way toward the|control center of the heart and lungs.
- If I kill myself, you die with me.
|- Wait a minute, man.
I hope Satan has a nice colon|because that's where you're going.
Stop! We'll leave.
But one day|you'll be eating a fast-food burger and boom!|You'll be crawling with us again.
Ever wonder what makes|"special sauce" so special? Yo.
Fry? I missed you.
Did you find out|what you needed to find out? - I'm about to.
Let me play for you.
|- You don't have to.
- I'm still seduced from before.
|- Please.
It's important to me.
- What does that mean?|- I don't know.
I got nervous and started thinking|about neck bolts.
Wow, did you see that vase break?|It was all like: Pkow! - What's happened to you?|- I got rid of the worms.
- What? Why would you do that?|- I needed to know who you loved - me or them.
|- Well, which of you wrote that sonnet? I did! I think.
It was probably 50-50.
|But that's how I really felt, I swear.
- I don't know.
|- Let me try to be romantic on my own.
I've got massage oil.
I'll give you a|back rub just like I used to give Amy.
She always seemed to-|Uh-oh.
Sorry you struck out.
If it's any|consolation, my life is great.
Babes, bucks, I got it all.
Well, at least I learned|Leela's a lost cause.
I give up.
There you go! Good night.
I gotta get up early to go|parasailing with movie stars.