Futurama s03e06 Episode Script

Bendless Love - Guidance system?|- Online.
- Autopilot?|Present.
- Dark-matter indicator?|- Making a noise.
All systems operational.
|Let's rock.
Gentlemen, I've completed|my report on the crash.
I'm not reading that!|Summarize it in one word.
Sabotage.
This is a normal L-unit.
Without it,|space travel is the dream of a madman.
- Yep.
|- It's an important unit.
And this, my friends, is the L-unit|I just removed from the ship.
That's not an L!|Unless you count lowercase.
- You know we don't!|- Ooh! Whoever did this was strong.
This|is 340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.
It should look like this:|But, instead, it looks like this: - Who would do that?|- Who could do that? And by "that, " I mean this: It looks like we have|another mystery on our hands.
I'd better make a chart of suspects.
|I'll draw a line with my straightedge.
Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe!|My edge has been bent! My javelin too!|It's ruined! Now we'll never beat Jupiter State! My Slinky!|My cuddly little pet Slinky! What's all the hubbub? Even the professor's been bent.
Thank you for your sympathy,|talking square of linoleum.
I'll get you fixed up.
- That's fine.
|- What did you do to the professor? I bent him.
- Aha!|- It's Bender! A bunch of stuff gets bent, so it must|be the robot designed for bending.
I know, we'll check last night's|surveillance tapes.
- Tapes?|- You've seen me naked? Last night's tape.
It was right next|to Bathroom Bloopers Four.
See? Nothing! I told you, losers! Wait, there on the screen!|It's that guy you are! - I'm sleepwalking!|- We've got robots on the ceiling.
Ooh! You weren't sleepwalking,|you were sleep-bending.
This is quite a shock.
On the other hand, it's not surprising.
After all, I've been bending|since the day I was built.
I Was born on an assembly line|in the bad part of Tijuana.
Mama.
Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for|a few months, then get a job bending.
- You remember your birth?|- It was only four years ago.
- You're only four years old?|- Precocious little scamp, ain't I? Hm, Bender must have a need to bend|that's not satisfied by his lifestyle.
He can't stay.
He's a menace to every|straight person in the company.
Go satisfy your bend-lust.
And don't you come back|to work until you do! No more bending, no more Work|Give us a raise, you big fat jerk Nevers! Yo! The mafia supports you! But don't|tell no one! Spread the word! As duly elected mobsters|of this union it's our duty to support|the struggle of these slobs.
- What if management is "intragnizent"?|- In context, it's clear what you mean.
In that case, Clamps may have|a surprise for them.
The clamps! Right? Aw, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend|anything! Oh, woe is Bender! Management refused to switch|casual Friday to Monday.
- What?!|- They hire scabs at 10 times our wage! Ten times normal wage!|I'll give those jerks what for! - Welcomes aboard, scab.
|- Great to be here.
I'll introduces you to your scab|coworkers you'll be scabbing with.
This here's our|scab foreman.
- Flexo?|- Bender? Sorry you got sent to that South|American Turkish prison instead of me.
You bastard! They treated me like|an animal! And that's what I became! No, you're all right.
|Good to see you! And here's another scab|what also works here, Angleene.
Hello.
Hey, you guys want|to move that things? Hello! Give us a raise, you fat jerk|Nevers! Ow! - Hi, Angleene.
What you up to?|- Making hangers.
- Counselor said I had a knack for it.
|- That's cool.
So, I was wondering if- You know, it's cool if not, but- - What are you doing after work?|- What I always do.
Jack squat.
Me too.
Man, we have a lot|in common, huh? Well, we are made of virtually|identical components.
Are you sure? Maybe I should|peek at your access panel.
Hey, according to the Scab Handbook,|that's inappropriate banter.
And that's just|the way I like it.
Haile H.
Selassie! There, little friend.
Good as new.
What an exquisite day! That azure sky.
|The verdant treetops.
Those delightful birds with their chirp,|chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat.
I've never seen you so cheerful.
|What's wrong with you? Seeing things from a new perspective|has reminded me of life's beauty or perhaps my posture is causing|blood to pool in the back of my brain resulting in a mild delirium.
By|the way, you have a dime up your nose.
I wish.
It's a nickel.
Union forever! Lousy scabs!|They can't do those things! Et cetera! I bet watching me bend girders|turns your legs rubbery.
My legs are made of rubber.
And anyway, I am just|as strong as you are, Mac.
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
Here.
Let me help you.
My new bent outlook|has completely re-energized me.
I'm even dating a young,|Brazilian, retired actress.
Some say I'm robbing the cradle,|but I say she's robbing the grave.
Howdy, doodies! What's new? I was regaling your former coworkers|with a tale of bedroom antics- Big whoop, no one cares.
|I got Bender-related news.
I'm in love.
And I'm taking|all my friends out to celebrate.
Let's get liquored up! Hey, look at this crowd.
|You guys gotta try the pasta.
It's got a nice profit margin.
Bam!|So, special occasion tonight? - You'll never guess what's happened!|- Bam? - I've met the most dynamite lady-bot.
|- Hey, that's terrific! To celebrate, I'm gonna stick|seven copies of my book on your bill.
Bless you, sir.
So, Bender, tell us about|this new girlfriend of yours.
I intend to, through|the lost art of the toast.
To Angleene.
She's got it all.
Looks, charm and the love|of a fabulous bending robot.
She sure does.
Flexo! Careful, that's a week old.
I finally meet a nice girl,|with legs that don't quit and that jerk Flexo|steals her away? It's time to kick|some shiny, metal ass! You degenerate hussy! I'm|disappointed in you too, Angleene! - Bender, it's not what you think!|- God, then it's worse than I think! Now look, there is no reason|to be upset.
- Flexo and I are divorced.
|- Div- Huh? We're just having dinner|to stay friends.
I knew that.
What I'm outraged|by is your choice of wine! - Really, it's the steward's fault.
|- Excellent choice, sir.
That Flexo, why, I'm knocking him|on his butt.
I can't believe this.
Obsessing won't help, Bender.
|Take a lean back and enjoy life.
My fembot may be in love|with another manbot.
Well, talk to her.
Tell her your|feelings in an honest way.
Either that, or be a man.
I've constructed an elaborate lie.
I'll call Angleene, pretend|to be Flexo, arrange a date show up as him and catch her|two-timing me with myself.
That's thinking like a man.
Hello? This is Flexo.
Now we'll see who loves whom.
- Hey, hot stuff.
|- Hey, Flexo.
Since when do you go to bars|on work nights? It's not like you.
Nonsense.
It's exactly like me.
Flexo, the fun-loving love machine|fembots love to love.
I'll have a fuzzy navel.
She'll|have the girliest drink in the house.
- Two fuzzy navels coming up.
|- I hope they can change a fortune.
Get an eye-load of that scab with the|beard flashing his filthy scab money.
It's an insult, boss.
That cash should be slushing|my fund and kicks-ing my back.
- I'm greasing up my whoozits!|- Whoa.
Not yet.
Let's just see if he does it|a couple more times.
- You're looking good.
|- Quit making googly eyes.
- I'm in love with Bender.
|- Bender? That walking wuss factory? He may be a walking factory,|but he is no wuss.
You and me are through.
|I told you when I divorced you.
Going through a divorce,|tell me that didn't bring us closer.
Care to dance? You know I love dancing,|but you always hated it.
In that case, it's something|I've always wanted to make up to you.
Hey, Scratch-Mo! Drop me and the lady|some rump-rattling beats.
I'd hoped by the second time he|flashed cash, my rage would subside.
Sadly, that has not happened.
You used to be so inflexible, Flexo.
|You've really loosened up.
I recently upgraded my funk card.
- Come on!|- All right! Hit me! Come on, now! What's new? Ew.
Flexo, what's going on? Flexo! The moral of the story is: If you want|it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! Yeah! You always were a kick|in the teeth, man.
Aw, shucks, thunder-buns.
|You make me feel like a million volts.
Flexo, I'm starting to remember|why I fell for you in the first place.
So, she's falling for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more|just to be sure.
It's late.
I should get home|to my trailer.
I'll walk you out.
A true gentleman|tends to his date's every need.
Tiparillo? Here you are, my lad.
Bring the lady's|car around in the finest way possible.
He's flashing his cash again.
- How many times is that?|- Three! That's the necessary number of times.
That scab's gonna have|an on-the-job accident.
Don-bot, I don't think we should|rely on an accident happening.
Let's kill him ourselves.
Well, good night.
I had a great time.
How about a lift? To your place? - What?!|- Admit it you felt something for me tonight.
|And by me, I mean Flexo.
- Hey, look.
I had fun, but|- But? - But|- But? But - Huh? Bender, you tricked me!|- That's right, baby! I ain't your lover-boy, Flexo,|the guy you love so much.
You even love anybody|pretending to be him! Maybe I love you no matter|who you're pretending to be! Oh, how I wish I could believe|or understand that! There's only one reasonable course|of action now: Kill Flexo! Ow.
No! Thanks, I appreciate that.
|Nah, I'm joshing you.
- That was annoying.
|- You call yourself divorced? You're mocking one|of our oldest institutions! What? Give the word and I'll drop this|unbendable girder.
Clamp-ka-bamp! Only kill the one with the beard.
That|other scab, we got nothing against.
That's low.
Please stop! I'm not worth it! Probably not! But I love you, and I'm|gonna kick his ass till I win you back! Hey.
Okay, Clamps.
Now! Oh! Oh, that's gotta clamp.
- Flexo, are you okay?|- Yeah.
Never better.
- I'm yanking your chain.
I'm dying.
|- You can't die! - Bender showed me that I love you.
|- But I love you.
I know, and I care for you too.
But I could never love anyone as much|as you made me realize I love Flexo! But Oh I love you so much, I want you|to be happy, no matter what.
- What are you saying?|- I'm saying I've got an unbendable|girder to bend.
You can't bend it.
|It's unbendable! I don't know anything about lifting,|so that just leaves us the one option.
Thanks.
Another year under that|and I'd have been a goner.
I'll always remember this, Bender.
Me too.
Me too.
Jerk.
Flexo and Angleene had sex|right on the factory floor? - You got bending out of your system.
|- Yes.
I won't be up to bending again|for a long, long time.
Perhaps it's your outlook|that needs a bend a bend to a place where happiness|is perpendicular to wonderment.
- We're sick of your upbeat attitude.
|- I'll say.
Nonsense.
It's just like|in the song I wrote: We all need a neW angle on life You've gotta help us.
I try to get out, but they keep|pulling me back in! Wangle a neW dangle on life - No, the other way!|- I like him better this way.
- I'm sad now.
|- It's fine.