Galavant (2015) s02e10 Episode Script

The One True King (To Unite Them All)

Make way for your king Richard, swine! Thanks, Gareth.
Hi, everyone.
I'd like to swing now.
Oh! Look, Gareth, no hands! Very impressive, My King.
Isn't your king impressive? Ta-da! Your king made a sand castle.
Praise him! Greatest castle ever, My King.
You're my hero, My King.
Would you like me to write you a theme song, My King? Shut up, Menken.
Applause! Enough! They cheer because I'm king and because they're scared, not because of anything I do.
Your king had a realization.
- Cheer his realization! - Yay.
I'm no hero.
I'm a phony.
Will my day ever come? Will my moment arrive? Will I ever be more than just some poor, fat loser? Do I ever become the hero? Will I wed the girl I love? Am I going to get to touch her boobs? I'm not telling you.
You're a child.
- What? Who are you? - I'm you In the future.
Oh, God.
Will I be a good king? Not really Loved by all that I rule? Nope, sorry Do I stand up and fight for truth and right and good? Let's see now No, no, no Will I go on some grand adventures Well With my closest, bestest chum? Not exactly When will that day come? It's never gonna come, is it? Is it hopeless? Am I useless? Are we doomed to be completely lame? Will my star ever rise? Will my life ever change? Am I destined to be achievement-free forever? I don't need all my dreams to happen Or a bunch Or even some Will my day Ever come? What? I'm singing a duet with my inner child.
Oh, like I give a monkey's butt what you think.
A zombie army's about to break through that door.
We'll be dead in minutes anyway.
What is that noise? Last time I heard that was in the Enchanted Forest.
Will wonders never cease? Another army approaches and under a rainbow.
I'm kind of digging this beat.
Men and women of the second season! Attack! If I pull this off, he's definitely giving me health insurance.
Galavant - SO2E10- Season Finale The One True King Sid: Hello?! Anyone in there?! That depends on who it is.
'Tis I, Sid of Sidneyland! Sid? Why are you talking so weird? I was trying something, and it didn't work! Can you open up the gate?! It's pretty intense out here! Oh, fine.
Open the gate.
Sid! We broke through their lines.
We can't hold them forever.
Sid, what are you doing here? After I ran off, I went in search of an army so I could redeem myself for accidentally killing you.
What? You know, it's really hard to find one.
- Oh, tell me about it.
- No kidding.
But then I wandered into the Enchanted Forest for a drink, not knowing it was a - you knew.
- You knew.
- He knew.
- Yeah, I knew.
When they heard that Galavant needed help, they took up arms.
And so did the pirates and the Dwarves and Giants.
And Princess Jubilee's entourage did the same thing.
And they didn't even know you.
I- is the pirate king with you? I love that guy.
Yeah, we We couldn't afford him or the leader of the Giants or Jubilee or really anyone else recognizable.
You saved us all.
Well done, Sid.
It's time to do this.
With the extra numbers, we should be able to turn the tide.
Gareth, you and I are gonna go through the center and try and draw Wormwood and Madalena's attention.
Isabella, take Richard on horseback and flank them.
Then we'll meet you on the hillside.
And I promise After this, I'll never leave your side again.
Ah, someone's daughter's gonna get a little woop-woop tonight.
What the hell is wrong with you? I honestly have no idea.
Everybody Let's move out! Looks like they want to make a game of it.
Ha! Fine by me.
Doo d'doo doo doo Please stop.
We already sang that one.
It's just ridiculously catchy.
And I don't care about anyone else.
Gareth does not get hurt.
Very well, My Queen.
Random thought There's some very vicious-looking weapons in the armory.
Now that you're the dark queen, why don't you go and pick on out? Give you that iconic look.
And do you promise that Gareth will be fine? Ooh, pinkie swear.
Hey, guys, I found a way out! Whoa! Really.
Sorry, that exit is closed.
Come on! This way! Shoop-ah! Hmm.
What to choose.
Ooh, queenie likey.
Remember me? Oh, don't be so rhetorical.
And that hooky thing is mine.
I've been locked in a dungeon and a jewelry box.
I've been engaged to my 11-year-old cousin.
I spent the better part of two years in the same outfit.
I am getting my happy ending.
Okay, then.
Bring it.
There's too many of them! You must be the Mr.
Wormwood I've heard so much about.
Oh, King Richard, I presume.
You know when you presume, you make a "pres" out of "u" and "me.
" - Sorry, what What does that mean? - Not sure.
Care to dance? - Love to.
- Excellent.
Let's be clear, right? When you say "dance," you mean "fight.
" You don't really want to dance.
- Correct fight, not dance.
- Yeah.
Sorry, d-did you want to dance? No.
Ri Come on, kind of weird.
You know, sorry.
This face-off isn't going great.
Would mind if we started over? Yeah, sure.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't the soon-to-be-dead Mr.
Oh, much better.
Are you done? I just had these done.
You know, you have no idea what that sword makes you do.
Of course I do Not.
No, I don't.
Well, it makes you the one true king to unite them all.
It is? Yes.
Pity, you're going to die.
Well, we'll see about that.
Aah! So, any last words? Just four.
I have a dragon! Come on now, Tad Cooper.
I super believe in you.
Rain fire! No! Tad Cooper! Oh, no.
Just open your eyes.
You're okay! Tad Cooper? You may have killed one dragon, but you've awoken another.
You killed my dragon.
No! They've stopped.
Let's go.
I can't believe that's the same guy who cried when he got jelly on his fancy pants.
Good man! Get him! You killed my dragon.
Look, dude, I was there.
I know.
Don't keep saying it.
And it wasn't a dragon.
It was a lizard.
Oh, nuggets.
Aah! It's the one true king! Crazy.
That's the same guy who cried when he got jelly on his fancy pants.
I just said that.
I said that exact thing.
Sure, 'cause that's what's amazing right now.
He was the one all along? You got to be kidding me.
I think I'll be taking that crown back now.
Tad Cooper? Buddy, you're alive? You had me so scared.
You're not gonna believe what just happened.
So, you're the one true king to unite them all.
I guess I am.
I mean, who else could do this? Huh? Wait, what?! What?! Oh, my Pretty freakin' cool, huh? Yeah! Listen, I need you to take care of Tad Cooper for me.
What? There's something I need to do.
No, no, no, hang on.
I'm not looking after the lizard.
He's a dragon! Hyah! Come on.
Oh, I don't need your help! Maddie, stop.
Let's just put it all behind us and move on.
I can't.
Yes, you can.
Because I love you.
And I promise you we can spend the rest of our lives together being terrible, even if we're not as totally terrible as you want.
It's too late for me.
I've tasted ultimate power, and I want more.
Gareth, I love you.
More than you'll ever know.
But this is who I am.
I'm sorry.
D'Dew! I mean, I don't mean to sound like a jerk, Tad Cooper, but I really thought I was gonna be the one king to unite them all.
If memory serves, you said something about a wedding.
I mean, not that I need a wedding.
I'm all about the deconstruction of the princess myth, but, uh, well, it's been a long year.
And you said it, so what's up? I'm finished with adventure Tired of my sword Those songs about my exploits Leave me kind of bored At last, I've seen the sunset I've been riding toward A real-life happily ever after I'm done with all the intrigue Sick of kicking ass As far as seeking vengeance Frankly, I can pass I'm ready now for something of a different class A real-life happily ever after Screw the zombies and wizards and dragons All the magic I need is you I wanted to do a real proposal with a proper ring, but, well, seeing as we're here this will have to do.
Will you, Princess Isabella Maria Lucia Elisabetta! Elisabetta of Valencia, do me the greatest honor of becoming Mrs.
Gary Galavant? Gary? Is that short for something? No.
I guess I always thought your first name was Galavant.
Um I'm still kneeling here.
Oh! Oh, of course.
I'm sorry.
And Oh, yes, I will marry you.
A cottage by the seaside With a beach to comb I can tend the garden I can write my poem - With seven - Three Small children Journey done, we're home As epic endings go, it's rather small But it's real-life happily ever after After all I'm terribly sorry.
But if you're planning a wedding, make sure you book the venue in soon because it's the very busy season.
Officer, I had no idea I was going that fast.
Thank you.
Really? Now boarding "B" passengers only.
"B" passengers to the Island of Spinster.
Here's a cat and some chocolate.
Enjoy the trip.
Thank you.
Hyah! Hyah! You can't park here.
It's a red zone.
Keep it! Roberta, wait! Put down that cat.
Wha Richard, you're You're alive? You didn't go to war? No, I did.
But I didn't die.
Quite the opposite, actually.
I killed the bad guy and everything.
Do you know what I discovered? I may have accomplished everything I've ever dreamed of, but without you, it means absolutely nothing.
Please don't get on that lonely ship to day-drink chablis.
- Come live your li - No, stop talking and kiss me.
Aww! Aww! Aww! Wow.
There's more where that came from.
- Ew! - Ew! I love you so much.
Enough already! Show-off.
Yeah, this could get ugly.
We should go.
Do you, your highness, take this male model - To be your wedded sp - I do.
Do you, good sir, take your social superior - To be your wedded sp - Yes.
I do.
For richer, for poorer In sickness and health Through rampaging vikings and cannibal elves Through hobbits and bikers and dolphins with lasers And mutants and lawyers and Oh, my God, just kiss the bride! Not yeasty.
Or musty.
So, there's the ever after, as promised all along Who better now to wrap it up and seal it with a song Except the monks? And, hey, we're the monks - We're the monks - That's right We're the genre-bending, Twitter-trending Bring-you-the-happy-ending monks And a new season burst all over the land With new hope Despite the whole feudal system The true rulers reassume their command The old tyrants, frankly nobody missed 'em The winners, they took all And all the losers, they got squat Hey, friend.
I've decided to go and rescue Madalena from herself.
Are you up for an adventure? Definitely.
I was wondering when I was gonna break this armor in.
And those who had redeemed themselves All got a second shot I got a line in the song.
They fi And two heroes got to hang up their swords To live life enjoying simple rewards Monk: And true evil disappeared Within a cloud of minor chords I'm here to see the Del The Dark Evil Lord.
And he's been waiting for you.
What is this? Does it hold the dark powers of the universe? Oh, sorry, no.
I can see why you thought that.
No, he just thinks you need to accessorize.
He's also a fashion consultant.
Now come in, and he will begin your training to make you the most powerful force in the seven realms.
Nothing will stop me now.
And now we're almost done Our tale completely spun As buffed and polished as a royal jewel There's not much left to tell And, hey, that's just as well Unless we get one more surprise renewal Now we'll probably have to go and get work On some cheap-ass cable network But the door is not quite shut So if we make the cut Here's what you'll see on "Galavant" Time to feed Tad Cooper.
You know he only eats if you feed him.
He's such a finicky little fellow.
There we go.
Oh, Tad Cooper! Dinnertime! I have a dragon.

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