Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e09 Episode Script

Airborne Odie/Once Upon a Time Warp/Bride and Broom

- (Announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends! (upbeat instrumental music)
We're We're
Ready Ready
To To
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
- I'm scared!
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and friends ♪
Dancing Fiesta
Romancing Siesta
Samba La Bamba
Ay, caramba
Disguises Disguises
Surprises Surprises
And pies of And pies of
All sizes
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- (Garfield) If you can only watch one TV show this year,
this is the one to watch.
(bright samba music)
(junk clatters)
- Ah, here it is, my old ventriloquist dummy!
(fabric tears)
Must have termites down here or something.
- Hold your cards up, Odie.
I can't see where I marked 'em.
- Garfield, I agreed to do my ventriloquist act
at the children's hospital tomorrow.
- That's right, make sick kids sicker.
- The termites in the basement have ruined my old dummy.
I'm gonna go out and buy another one.
- Hey, sure.
I got a ventriloquist dummy for ya.
(laughs) It's the homeliest,
silliest looking dummy you ever seen.
- Ha-ha, very funny.
Do you have any other ones?
- Well, well, I'm not sure.
I'll have to go and have me a look around in the back room.
Let's see now, a ventriloquist figure.
Now, where would I put that?
(energy crackles)
Hmm, I guess I don't have one back here.
(sighs) Well, I,
oh wait, there's one.
That's funny.
I don't remember you, fella.
I must be getting on in years.
I found this.
Looks like it's carved out of high-quality wood.
(wood knocks)
- I'll take it.
This'll be great for my act!
- That's odd.
I didn't see that dummy before.
It's just like it come out of nowhere.
- Well, tell me, Little Jimmy,
what are you studying in school?
My teacher says I'm gonna be an astronaut.
An astronaut?
Yeah, she say's I'm taking up space.
(rim shot clatters) And now, Little Jimmy
will sing a song while I drink a glass of water.
Ready, Jimmy?
Ready, Mister Arbuckle!
Oh, give me a home
Where the buffalo roam
Where the
- Jon should never do this act
when there isn't a lifeguard around.
- You know, that's the most lifelike dummy I've ever seen!
I can't wait to do my act tomorrow!
- Some ventriloquist.
His lips move more in one joke
than mine have in five seasons.
(gentle orchestral music)
(dramatic orchestral music)
Someone's opened the refrigerator.
(dishes clatter) And it isn't me!
(light switch clicks)
It looks like I've been in here, but I haven't!
- Now what are we gonna do about breakfast in the morning?
- I didn't, that is,
I know it looks like I did, but I didn't and--
- I suppose you wanna blame it on Odie!
- He'll do.
- I'm really disappointed in you.
- I guess I wouldn't believe me either,
if I were him.
(Odie grumbles)
Nah, Odie wouldn't do that.
Don't know who could have done it.
(spring bongs)
(TV clatters)
- Calling Supreme High Command.
This is Agent Kolak.
- How goes the test of the disguise?
- Excellent, Supreme High Command.
Our physical look and our skin,
so resembling Earth's wood,
makes for a perfect disguise.
- Any problems yet, Kolak?
- Just one.
This stupid-looking guy keeps sticking his hand up my back.
- Proceed with the invasion preparation.
Here is a computer projection of our next phase.
(energy crackles)
All Earth people will be our puppets,
doing as they are told.
They will be our slaves, waiting on us.
If they do not, we will look them up in suitcases!
- Oh, no!
I better get to Jon.
- Uh-oh, someone may have spotted me.
I must sign off now.
(bright piano music)
- Wake up, wake up!
- (babbling) I can see the road, what, what?
This had better be important!
- There!
He's from another planet,
and he's going to enslave mankind and womankind
and maybe even cat-kind, and he's, oh.
He's alive, really, truly, really and truly!
(knuckles knock)
- I wonder if you can trade in a cat
and get two parakeets or something.
- I know he sounds like wood, but don't forget,
Odie's head makes the same sounds.
- It won't work, cat.
He'll never believe you.
My test is complete.
We know now that Earthlings will not suspect us
until it is too late.
- Huh?
- Don't try to figure it out now.
We have to save mankind.
- Our first invasion craft is nearing your location.
- Excellent, Supreme High Command.
What's that?
- Oh, just some termites.
- Ha!
You think our colonizers are going to be scared by some,
(stutters) termites?
- Yeah, you know, little bugs
that eat everything in the house that I don't?
Especially wood.
- No, no, keep them away from me!
Help, help, Supreme Command!
Cancel the invasion plans!
(feet squeal)
(energy buzzes)
(triumphant orchestral music)
- Well, Odie, I saved the world again.
But do you think I'll ever get credit for it?
(Odie vocalizes)
Jon'll probably find something new
to complain about tomorrow morning.
- Garfield, there are termites in the living room now!
- Told ya.
- I'll have to call an exterminator.
Do you realize how many things in this house are wooden?
- Just Odie's head and your acting.
- And my new dummy is gone, too.
I don't understand.
But I have to go do my show.
Where am I gonna get a dummy now?
- Oh no, not me.
No way.
(kids chatter) - Okay, kids.
Kids, settle down.
Now, we have with us a very special guest today.
Yeah, let's give a nice welcome to Jon Arbuckle
and his friend, Garfield.
(kids cheers)
- Thank you, thank you, we are happy to be here.
Aren't we, Garfield?
We sure are, Mister Arbuckle.
- Hey, it's show business.
- Say, the garbage man is outside.
Tell him we don't want any! (kids laugh)
Now, now, Garfield, I'll have you know--
(bright orchestral music)
(bright carnival music)
- Which is smarter?
A dog or a tree stump?
Let's do a scientific test and find out.
Go fetch Jon's old stinky sweat sock.
Go get it, boy.
Go fetch old stinky sweat sock.
Go get it, boy.
(Odie barks)
Another of nature's mystery solved.
Thank you.
(bright instrumental music)
- Those guys, I can't stand them any longer.
Oh, hi.
I'm the only one around right now.
They're all in the barn having a meeting,
and well, you wouldn't believe what's,
oh, I'm sorry, you just got here.
Now, let me explain to you what's going on here
and then you'll understand why I'm so angry.
Earlier today, I got a report that the wolf
was lurking around the neighborhood.
Well, I immediately beefed up security.
Freda, Louise, Charlotte, Maybelle.
Hi, Maybelle.
Valerie, Olivia, and Fanna.
- That's all the chickens!
- Good work.
That wolf won't get his mitts on them!
I have Bo building a new fence around the chicken coop.
Wade is installing our new wolf alarm,
and Roy is gonna build us a spring-loaded, fully mechanized,
supersonic wolf ejector, patent pending.
With all these precautions,
I don't think we're gonna have to worry about that wolf.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
You see, the wolf had a sneaky idea
how to handle our new security.
- Ah, I'm gonna needs me another disguise.
(wolf whooshes)
(dramatic banjo music)
Building a wolf ejector?
- You got it, fella.
- You're not going to do it now, are you?
- Why not?
- Haven't you ever tried procrastination?
- (gasps) You can't talk about that on a cartoon show!
- Procrastination means putting things off until later.
- Uh, I knew that.
- Later is the perfect time to do anything.
- Really?
- (Orson) Wade, meanwhile,
was attempting to assemble the alarm.
- Insert blue wire curl K into battery housing seven B.
Tap lightly with a green-handled crescent wrench
borrowed from a plumber named Al.
My, but they're specific.
Orson, why do we have to build a new wolf alarm?
Why can't we just make do with the old wolf alarm?
- We don't have an old wolf alarm.
- Yeah we do, yeah we do!
It's where I run around all the time and I go,
wolf, wolf, oh, help!
- So, you're saying I should learn to procrastinate.
Do things later.
- That's right, later.
The perfect time to do anything.
Bye, now.
- Later.
Yeah, he's right.
That is the perfect time to do anything.
Ah, this thing I was supposed to build,
I'll build it later.
That means I have time now to do my chores,
taking out the trash cans.
Wait a minute!
I can do this later, too!
Now all I have to do is weed the garden and I can,
uno momento
I can do this later, too!
I'm going to have so much free time!
- (Orson) Roy was positively in love with procrastination.
So much so that he decided to spread his new discovery.
- Help!
Help, wolf!
There's a wolf in the barnyard or somewhere near!
See, I'm much louder than an alarm,
more dependable,
and I don't require six triple-A batteries.
- Just get the alarm built, Wade.
- Okay, okay, we'll try it the high-tech way.
Assemble outer flange case stroke 11
while watching Andy Griffith Show rerun--
- You don't have to do that now, Wade.
Have you ever heard of procrastination?
- (gasps) You can't talk like that on a cartoon show!
- (Orson) And then they got Bo to join them.
- Hey, like, I got a lot of chores to do, man.
- Do 'em later!
- Later, the perfect time to do anything.
- Hey, that's a four-star idea, dudes.
- (Orson) They went all over the farm
convincing everyone to do everything later!
Soon there were so many of them,
they decided to form a club.
(animals chatter)
- Why didn't you put the sign out?
- I'll put it out tomorrow.
- Ooh, you're a good member.
- This is the procrastinators club.
I'll call the meeting to order later.
Shall we begin with the minutes?
(animals grumble dissent)
Good idea!
How about old business?
- Nah, I don't think so. (animals grumble dissent)
- Well then, is there any new business?
(animals grumble dissent)
- I would like to make a motion!
- The chair will recognize Wade Duck later.
But what's your motion?
- I'll tell you after the meeting later.
- Well, you can imagine how sore I was
when I discovered Bo didn't finish erecting the fence!
Wade didn't finish assembling the alarm,
and Roy didn't even start on the wolf ejector!
They were all in their meeting in the barn.
Now, when shall we have the Christmas party?
- March. - Fourth of July.
- Never. - Next century.
- Roy, you and Bo and Wade have important chores to do!
- Hey, like, we'll do them right after the meeting, Ors.
- Yeah, we'll do them later.
- Later, the perfect time to do anything!
- Well, you better end the meeting now
before the wolf comes around.
- The meeting can't end until someone moves to adjourn.
Does anyone want to move to adjourn?
- Nah, later would be fine. - We'll do it later.
- All right, I move to adjourn.
- You can't, you're not a member.
- Okay then, make me a member.
- We'll do it later.
- Gah!
(hammer thumps)
They've been in that meeting for nine hours now.
(sighs) Now I have to build the wolf ejector
that Roy didn't!
(chickens cluck)
Oh, no!
The wolf!
I've gotta save those chickens!
(dramatic orchestral music)
(Orson grunts)
- Like I figured.
Only one guy comes right away.
Now, me and the chickens can scrams on outta here.
(Orson grunts)
- (sighs) Please, I'm beat!
Won't someone propose now that we adjourn?
- Hey, that's the wolf!
Roy, the wolf's got the chickens!
- We have to rescue them!
(animals grumble dissent)
No, later is too late!
I move we adjourn now, I second it, all in favor aye.
Motion carried, meeting adjourned, let's go!
- Hey, like, wait for us, man!
- We gotta save the chickens!
- Aren't you gonna run around panicking, Wade?
- Nah, I'll do it later.
- I should have built the wolf ejector
before it was too late.
Men, we have to build a wolf ejector.
- Now? - Now!
The best time to do anything.
(saw grinds) (gears creak)
(hammer thumps) (spring creaks)
- Nothing can stop me now.
You give me back them chickens!
(trap creaks) How!
(water splashes)
I'll be back!
You can't do this to me!
- Home safe and sound, ladies.
- Like, we're sorry, Ors.
- We should have done our jobs
when we were supposed to do them.
- Yeah, instead of later.
- Well, as long as you've learned your lesson.
You have too, Roy, haven't you?
- Uh, Orson, can we discuss this later?
- (sighs) I guess not.
(bright samba music)
(mellow rock music)
- My life's in a rut.
Day after day, the same old thing.
Nothing new, no excitement.
I need to do something different with my life.
(sighs) There, much better.
- My life is in a rut.
Day after day, the same old thing.
Nothing new, no excitement.
- Is there an echo around here or what?
- I need to do something different with my life.
I think I'm gonna try skydiving.
- Skydiving?
- Yep, that's it.
I'm going to go skydiving.
- There you have it, folks.
Jon Arbuckle's latest bonehead idea,
the latest entry in a new show we call--
- (Announcer) Great Moments in Stupidity!
That's right, it's Great Moments in Stupidity,
brought to you by, uh, I don't know.
But here's the host of Great Moments in Stupidity.
What's his name?
(audience applauds)
- Thank you, thank you, Tom.
My, but you're a stupid-looking audience.
Welcome to Great Moments in Stupidity,
the show that shows you
some of the stupidest people in history.
Like Wilbur Entwhistle, who spent 37 years
trying to think of another name for ketchup.
- Uh, red stuff? No.
Tomato guck? No.
- (Garfield) Or one-time zillionaire Jackson Freen,
who squandered his entire family fortune on toast.
- Uh, let's see, I have the sourdough here,
rye over there.
Ooh, I'm low on whole wheat.
- (Garfield) Or even Oliver Wendell Funny-Name
who, due to a power failure,
was once stranded for 19 hours on the escalator.
- I wish they'd get the power back on.
I'm gonna be late for dinner.
- We're talking stupid here, folks.
But, perhaps our favorite examples of stupidity
have come to us courtesy of this man, Jon Arbuckle.
(audience applauds)
Thank you, thank you.
Before we view Jon's latest achievement
in the world of stupidity, let's look back
on some of his most memorable stupid moments.
- You know, you really are the most Botiful woman
I have ever seen.
How about if you ditch
that jerky karate-teaching boyfriend of yours
and run off with me?
I don't need to buy a service contract.
These things never break!
That's my pie, Garfield.
I insist that you let me have it.
What do I need skiing lessons for?
- Three months in traction.
And now, here's my favorite from a long time ago.
- I can afford to have a cat, mom!
After all, how much can a cat eat?
(audience applauds) Thank you, thank you.
Those were certainly stupid.
Before we seen Jon Arbuckle's stupid attempt at skydiving,
here's our stupid announcer
with a preview of next week's show.
- (Announcer) Great Moments in Stupidity,
a 90 minute special on the stupidity of dogs!
- 90 minutes isn't long enough.
Clear a week.
- (Announcer) We'll see the stupid way
a dog will chase his own tail!
And what happens when he catches it.
(Odie barks) (teeth chomp)
(Odie yowls)
We'll see the stupid way dogs love to have you
throw the stick so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you
throw it again so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you
throw it again so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you
throw it again so they can fetch it.
Then they bring it back and have you
throw it again so they can fetch it.
- Wait a minute.
Just who's the stupid one in this picture?
- (Announcer) And we'll see the stupid way dogs chase cars.
(Odie barks)
And the stupid thing that happens when they catch one!
(Odie yowls)
All this and more next week on the, this show.
And now back to
our host.
- Thank you, stupid announcer.
Pick up your check and get out.
We're here now at the airfield
to witness today's great moment in stupidity,
Jon Arbuckle skydiving.
Jon opens the door of the plane.
He assumes jump position,
he steels his nerve,
and then he leaps with perfect form
(body thumps)
a perfect 19-inch jump.
- Garfield, I was just thinking.
- (chuckles) If you were thinking, you wouldn't be here.
- I'm here to jump out of a plane.
Want to jump with me, Garfield?
- (chuckles) A fine example of a stupid question.
But I'll come along to provide our viewers
with firsthand coverage of your demise.
(engine rumbles)
- Soon as we're over the jump area, you jump.
You got that?
- (stutters) Got it.
- We're coming to you from thousands of feet in the air,
where Jon Arbuckle is about to commit
another great moment in stupidity.
- Well, Garfield, it's almost time.
- It's been nice knowing you.
Let me have the keys to the house.
- You think this is a stupid thing for me to be doing!
- Dumb as a brick.
- You think I'm doing this
just to prove some silly macho thing.
- No, I think you're doing it because you're stupid.
(engine rumbles)
- Okay, Arbuckle, we're over the jump area.
- Wait, I've changed my mind!
- That's what they all say.
- No, wait!
At least let him put the kitty down first!
- There you go!
(both shout)
- Don't worry Garfield, I'll just pull the ripcord!
- Nothing happened!
- Don't worry, Garfield!
I'll pull the backup shoot ripcord!
- Nothing happened, again!
- Don't worry, Garfield!
I'll pull the auxiliary standby reserve shoot ripcord!
- Can I start worrying now?
- Garfield!
This is it!
This is the end!
My whole life is flashing before my eyes
and I'm not even in it!
- Let me get a look at those parachutes.
What's wrong with this thing?
Inspected by Number 27.
Number 27, you're in a lot of trouble.
- Hurry, Garfield, hurry!
- If I pull this, either the shoot will open,
or Jon's pants will fall down.
(spring bounces)
Oh, no!
(triumphant orchestral music)
- You did it!
We're saved!
- Oh, I sure hope so.
- Garfield, I've learned my lesson.
I am never gonna do anything this stupid ever again.
- Don't you believe it.
We'll have more of Jon Arbuckle's exploits
on future editions of--
- (Announcer) Great Moments in Stupidity!
- (Jon) Bungee jumping.
Maybe I'll take up bungee jumping.
- (Garfield) Told ya.
(energetic instrumental music)
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