Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e14 Episode Script

The Cartoon Cat Conspiracy/Who Done It?/The Picnic Panic

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're, We're ♪
Ready, Ready ♪
To, To ♪
We're ready to party
We're ready
And hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, Fiesta ♪
Romancing, Siesta ♪
Samba, La Bamba ♪
Ay, caramba
Disguises, Disguises ♪
Surprises, Surprises ♪
And pies of, And pies of ♪
All sizes
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
Hey, you could watch some other show,
but why would you want to?
(upbeat theme music)

One of the keys to good health is a vigorous program
of exercise such as sit-ups and push-ups.
That makes sense.
And I'm gonna do it.
Maybe one of these years I'll try a push-up.
Whew, all that exercise wore me out.
What is wrong with this picture?
One moment please.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see
the world high jump record broken by a sleeping kitten.
(drum roll)
(lullaby music)
Where's the sound effect?
Just a second.
Something is wrong with our sound effects department.
This is the sound effects department.
They're responsible for all the noises you hear on the show.
I'll knock.
(upbeat music)
Hello? Anybody home?
Dear somebody, I quit.
Got better offer doing sword noises
for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Take your crummy job and well,
we don't have to read the rest of this.
This is terrible,
where are we gonna find someone stupid enough
to take the sounds effects job?
- Odie: Ta-da.
- Garfield: Does he know an Odie cue or what?
Odie, do you know what a sound effects person does?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-uh.
- Garfield: Looks like I'll have to teach ya.
These are tape cartridges with sounds on 'em.
The sound effects man plays the tape
to put sounds into the show.
Listen to this,
do you know what sound this is?
- Uh-uh.
- Garfield: That's the sound of Jon
getting a Boston cream pie dumped on his head.
- Hi there, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
and I'd like to you know if you'll go out with me.
- Garfield: See?
You just have to press the right button at the right moment.
Now do you know what this is?
- Uh-uh.
- Garfield: The sound of Jon trying to
get a date on a cruise ship.
- Hi there, you live around here?
- Garfield: See if you can recognize this sound.
(crashing) (boing)
- No. I dunno.
- Garfield: That was the sound of a Melmen-586 computer
getting sick when asked to find a date for Jon.
- This is the first time I've tried computer dating.
- Well, the computer will scan our roster
of over 80,000 single, desperate women
and find the perfect one for you.
(boing, boing)
(slamming, crashing)
No one is that desperate.
- Garfield: You see?
It's just a matter of pressing the right button
at the right moment.
Think you can handle it, pupper?
- Yeah.
- Garfield: I hope I haven't made a mistake.
I forgot my key, I'll ring the bell.
(panting and barking)
(gun shooting)
I'll try knocking.
(whistle blows)
I'll use the key.
(car door shuts)
(doorbell rings)
Oh boy, this is what you get
when you hire someone who used to
rent his brain out to model for raisins.
Now where was I?
Oh, I remember.
(puffing and drum rolls)
Ready with the sound effect, Odie?
(train whistle blows)
(phone rings)
I've had enough of this.
- Nermal: Garfield.
Why did you wake me up?
That wasn't very cute.
- Garfield: Stay out of my bed, Nermal,
or it's the red-eye to Abu Dhabi for you.
- Nermal: Gee-whiz, Garfield,
you're so mean to me.
- Garfield: It's in my job description, see?
Eating, sleeping, being mean to Nermal.
- Nermal: You'll probably even be upset
I ate all the lasagna in the kitchen.
- Garfield: I don't care what you do,
just as long as you don't
You didn't.
(scattered crashing noises)
- Nermal: Garfield, Garfield,
now don't do anything we'll both regret, especially me.
(scattered crashing noises)
(scattered dings)
(Middle Eastern music)
- Odie: Oh.
- Garfield: Sorry about the bad sound effects.
- Nermal: I need a place to hide.
- Garfield: He's around here somewhere.
I wonder if Odie's still doing our sound effects.
(school bell rings)
Yep. Odie's still doing our sound effects.
(frog croaks)
Excuse me while I play pickpocket.
- Odie: No, no.
- Garfield: Excuse me but I think you
have something I need to mail somewhere.
Let's see, car keys, tissue, wallet, ah, here it is.
Little annoying thing.
(barking and scattered sound effects)
- Nermal: Garfield.
You're not really going to ship me overnight to Abu Dhabi.
- Garfield: Of course not, Nermal.
I'm gonna use two day service, it's cheaper.
(rapid gunfire)
- Nermal: Oh no, we're under attack.
- Garfield: You can have the kitten, don't hurt me.
- Nermal: Wait for me.
(rapid gunfire)
(elephant roaring)
Watch out, there's a herd of wild elephants coming this way.
I can hear them.
- Garfield: You'll have to sacrifice yourself, Nermal.
Wait a minute.
I'm forgetting who's doing our sound effects.
- Nermal: Don't go out there,
Garfield, the elephants will get you.
- Garfield: There are no elephants,
it's just Odie doing the sound effects.
It's just dumb old Od
(elephants trumpeting)
(somber music)
You're fired.
Nermal, you're disgusting.
Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for this cartoon.
We'll get a real sound effects person
for the next one, I promise.
(mellow music)
- 10, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Liftoff, we have liftoff.
Liftoff, we have liftoff.
- Wade, this is science fiction, it's not true.
- Not true yet, that doesn't mean
it couldn't happen, does it?
- Duck has a point.
- Okay.
Soon, unsuspecting Earthlings would have a close encounter
of the third kind with a UFO.
- Sheldon: What's a close encounter of the third kind?
- That's a term used by people who investigate UFOs.
Look here.
A close encounter of the first kind
is when they find physical evidence of a UFO.
A close encounter of the second kind
is when they actually see a UFO.
And a close encounter of the third kind
is when they actually meet the UFO.
- I hope I only have four encounters.
- Uh-oh, I have to go take over
from Bo guarding the henhouse.
- Oh, but you haven't finished the story, Orson.
- I know, but with that wolf around,
we have to guard the chickens and it's my turn.
Here, you take over, Roy.
- Sheldon: Oh, I don't like the way Roy reads.
- Well, at least we know what close encounters
of the first through third kinds are.
Ah, I wonder if there's a fourth kind.
- Well, let me see.
Close encounter of the fourth kind.
That's when the UFO invites you out for Chinese food.
- How about a close encounter of the fifth kind?
- That's when the UFO does its impression
of Sylvester Stallone for you.
- Hm.
There gots to be a way I can use this
to get me some chickens.
- Sheldon: Have you ever seen a flying saucer?
- Sure, all the time.
There's one right there.
- Sheldon: That's just a shooting star.
- Oh no, it's a flying saucer.
It could be landing anywhere.
- Would you like to scare them back to their own planet?
- Sheldon: Who are you?
(throat clearing)
- I'm a scientist person,
and I can tell you a plan to scare off those space invaders.
What you need is
- Hey, what a great idea.
Thanks, Mr. Scientist.
- Now, to puts the second half of my plan into effect.
- How about a close encounter of the 19th kind?
- That's when the UFO challenges you to arm wrestle.
- Excuse me.
- Oh.
A scientist-type person.
- I'm out here looking for flying saucers.
- Flying saucers?
Duck making a quick exit.
- Come back here.
You think there are for real flying saucers around here?
- Oh, I'm sure of it.
And I can tell you a way to scare off those aliens.
- What a devious, sneaky scheme.
How come I didn't think of it?
- Hey, Wade, where are you going with that trashcan?
Booker, what's the aluminum foil for?
Hey, Roy, what are all those tin cans for?
I better go see what this is all about.
What am I saying?
I have to stay and guard the chicken coop.
I just hope, whatever they're up to,
it doesn't cause any trouble.
It will.
- The space invaders will think we're from another planet.
- Sheldon: Yeah, and that we got here first.
- Those flying saucer people are about to have
a close encounter of the 27th kind.
- Do you think the flying saucer landed over here, Sheldon?
- Sheldon: Well, I don't know.
I can't see anything with all this aluminum foil around me.
I feel like a baked potato.
- What's a close encounter of the 71st kind?
- Oh, that is when the UFO makes cheese sandwiches
for everyone in the neighborhood.
- Wade, I see the aliens.
There, do you see 'em?
Yep, you see 'em.
- Sheldon: Booker, do you hear that?
- Booker: Some sort of strange alien language.
- Roy: Put your mask on.
Here they come.
Let's see if we can frighten 'em away.
- Sheldon: We are from another planet.
(throat clearing)
- Roy: We are from another planet.
- Sheldon: We have already conquered Earth.
- Roy: We have already conquered Earth.
- Sheldon: Yeah?
Well, we have invasion forces heading right this way.
- Roy: So what?
We have invasion forces heading right this way.
- Booker: This is getting serious.
I better go warn the others.
- Wade: Oh, this is the end of the Earth.
Or worse.
I better go tell Orson.
- At last, peace and quiet so I can read my book.
- Both: Orson.
- Space aliens have landed in their flying saucer
and they're going to take over the whole planet.
We have to do something.
- Both: You saw them too?
He saw them too.
- Booker: They're out there, I saw them.
- I heard them, I smelled them, and I know they're there.
- Come on, I'll just have to prove it to you.
- Oo, I just knew starting troubles would pay off big.
- Sheldon: This is our planet.
We conquered it first.
- Did not. - Did so.
- You're Sheldon.
- Sheldon: You're Roy.
- You're ridiculous.
Where did you guys get the silly idea
of dressing up like this?
- Sheldon: A scientist gave us the idea.
- A scientist gave us the same idea.
- What did this scientist look like?
- Both: Kinda like the wolf but he was--
- The wolf?
This was a trick to get me away from the henhouse.
- Let's go.
- What a first rate idea I had.
One side, shrimps.
I said beat it.
Don't try that stupid space invader routine with me.
I thoughts it up.
Now get outta my way.
Wouldn't fool anybody.
(laser zapping)
- Oh, I hope we're in time.
He's frozen in a block of ice.
- The wolf's become a regular on the show.
At least until the spring thaw.
- Sheldon: Cool, what do you suppose happened?
- Maybe it really was space invaders.
- I saw a flying saucer a while ago.
- Guys, for the last time,
there is no such thing as a flying saucer.
- So, how do you explain this frozen delight?
- I
I can't.
- Purple Alien: Reporting to home planet of Clarion.
We have just had an encounter of the 63rd kind.
- I thought that was when the UFO
rotates the hubcaps on your car.
- Negative.
That is a close encounter of the 65th kind.
- Turquoise Alien: No, that is when the UFO
forgets which laundry it took your shirts to.
(upbeat theme music)

(pleasant music)
(mischievous music)
- Garfield.
You just ate everyone's dinner for tonight.
What do you have to say for yourself?
- Garfield: Maybe I'll see what's going on
down in the alley.
(jazz music)
- Brick: Yeah, that's good.
- Penelope: Brick, dear?
- Brick: Yeah.
- Penelope: Could I have a bite of your sandwich?
- Brick: Oh, you women are all the same.
I wanna eat too. I wanna eat too.
I only got one sandwich.
- Penelope: Sorry.
- Brick: Ah, baby, I'll go look around
in the trashcans and see if I can find you something.
- Penelope: You're all heart.
- Brick: Yeah, I know.
- Garfield: I haven't been down here for awhile.
I wonder if
Smells like a medium thin crust pizza with meatballs,
black olives, and extra cheese.
- Come on, will you?
We gotta get this shipment for Mexico loaded tonight.
- Hey, I'm eating a medium thin crust pizza
with meatballs, black olives, and extra cheese.
- Garfield: Can I call 'em or what?
Pitiful meow.
- Oh.
You want a piece of pizza, little kitty?
Here you go.
- Garfield: Hey, I'll even lower my dignity for pizza.
- Penelope: Why can't I ever meet a nice guy?
Hi, Garfield.
- Garfield: Hi, Penelope, how are you?
- Penelope: Starving.
- Garfield: I know how you feel.
I haven't eaten since
Well, it's been a long 10 minutes.
Here, have some pizza.
- Penelope: Gee, you even gave me a piece
with a meatball on it.
- Garfield: Well, I'm all heart.
Speaking of meatballs, you still hanging around with Brick?
- Penelope: Brick's a nice guy, sometimes.
- Garfield: Oh come on.
Brick has muscles of steel and a head to match.
He's so dumb--
- Brick: How dumb am I?
- Garfield: You're so dumb--
- Penelope: Garfield.
- Garfield: You're going to leave me alone
and not harm a hair on my little body, bye.
- Brick: If I catch you even looking at my Penelope again,
I'm gonna pound you so hard, your kids will be born dizzy.
- Garfield: Yes, sir.
Anything you say, sir.
This is me leaving.
- Penelope: That wasn't very nice.
- Brick: Oh, here, I brung you something to eat.
- Penelope: Gosh, half a rotten carrot.
You're so good to me, Brick.
As of this moment, I'm not your girlfriend no more.
Goodbye forever.
Or maybe longer.
- Brick: Ah, what got into her?
(somber music)
- Penelope: There's gotta be a nice guy
in this world for me.
There is.
- Garfield: Lucky I got away from Brick
before he did something we'd both regret.
Me more than him.
Low bridge.
Jon must have taken Odie out for a walk.
Or maybe the other way around.
(doorbell ringing)
Forgot his key again.
- Penelope: Garfield.
I was wondering if you would be my boyfriend.
- Garfield: If that furry rhinoceros catches me
with her, I'm a goner.
I'd better sneak out the back.
- Penelope: I wrote you a poem, Garfield.
My Kind of Guy by Penelope Cat.
Garfield is my kind of guy.
He is the apple of my eye.
In me, he has a friend for life.
I hope someday to be his wife.
- Garfield: No. No!
You wouldn't like me.
I snore, I eat, I snore while I eat.
- Penelope: But I like you.
- Garfield: Don't say that.
Go find another guy.
On another street or another show or something.
(exciting music)
She'll never find me in here.
- Penelope: I wrote a song for you, Garfield.
Beautiful Garfield, you are my man ♪
We have a wonderful wedding to plan ♪
How I adore your lasagna breath ♪
Get out of here or you might cause my death ♪
- Penelope: I think it's really cute
when a guy plays hard to get.
(exciting music)
- Garfield: Need a hiding place where she won't find me.
The mini-market.
She'll never find me in here.
- Penelope: Baby food, flour, spices, canned meat products.
Fruit juices.
Oh, here we go, boyfriends.
Hi, Garfield.
- Garfield: Will you leave me alone?
- Penelope: Don't you like me, Garfield?
- Garfield: No, I mean yes, but I like living more.
If Brick sees us together
(ominous tones)
It's not that I don't like you,
I just don't like you near me.
- Penelope: It's all right, Garfield.
You'll never see me again.
- Garfield: Penelope, it's not like
Whew, don't wanna hurt her feelings, but sometimes
Well, you saw the position I was in.
Anyway, there's other things in this world besides women,
like breathing.
I'd be a jerk to go after her.
Okay, so I'm a jerk.
Here, these are stale.
(exciting music)
- Brick: You're my girl and I'm not letting you go.
- Penelope: Let go of me, I'm not your girl.
- Garfield: Ladies and gentlemen,
you are about to witness another great moment in stupidity.
- Brick: No woman walks out on me.
- Garfield: You take your hands off my girl.
Did I say that?
- Brick: Cat, you're in big trouble.
- Garfield: Sure looks that way.
(whooshing) (exciting music)
- Penelope: Brick, don't hurt him.
- Garfield: Yeah, Brick, don't hurt him.
- Brick: I get my hands on you, you're a goner.
- Garfield: When a man's right, he's right.
I have to do something.
- Okay, shipment for Mexico's all loaded.
(truck engine revving)
All clear.
Let her roll.
- Brick: Hey, let me outta here.
- Garfield: Hasta la vista, El Bricko.
Send me a postcard from Acapulco.
- Penelope: Garfield?
Did you mean what you said about me being your girlfriend?
- Garfield: Hmm.
Let's have a snack and discuss it.
What do you like on your pizza?
- Penelope: Everything except anchovies.
- Garfield: Ah, we're gonna get along just fine.
(upbeat them music)

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