Garfield and Friends (1988) s05e16 Episode Script

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're, We're ♪
Ready, Ready ♪
To, To ♪
Party
We're ready to party
We're ready
And hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, Fiesta ♪
Romancing, Siesta ♪
Samba, La Bamba ♪
Ay, caramba
Disguises, Disguises ♪
Surprises, Surprises ♪
And pies of, And pies of ♪
All sizes
Come on in
Come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in
It's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
- Garfield: You'll like today's show, folks.
No Binky, no Nermal, no Buddy Bears.
Just a lotta me.
(upbeat theme music)
♪
Row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
- I was supposed to do the laundry today,
and go to the market.
Row, row your boat Gently down the stream
- And the lawn needs mowing,
and those books should go back to the library,
and Joyce is coming over later.
Gently down the stream
- Friends, do you have trouble getting things done every day?
Were you supposed to do the laundry today,
go to the market, mow the lawn,
or take those books back to the library?
- Hey, I was.
- Then let me show you how to get more done
with my patented Get More Done In A Day acceleration process.
My name is Super Sonic Seymour.
- Get more done in a day?
Hey, that's what I need.
- Just call this number right now.
I said right now!
Why are you just sitting there?
Hurry up, and call this number.
- I'm calling, I'm calling.
- Garfield: Guess the best thing on right now is.
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
Life is but a dream
- Garfield: This isn't so bad.
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
(upbeat jazzy music)
♪
(doorbell ringing)
- Yes?
- You kept me waiting for 2.9 seconds.
Do you realize all the things
we both could have done in that time?
Here's my card.
Here, I'll save you the time of reading it.
I'm Super Sonic Seymour of Super Sonic Services,
and I'm here to organize your life.
Now why am I standing out here? Why haven't you invited me in?
We could be on lesson six of the plan
at the time you've been wasting here.
- Oh, hi, I'm Jon-- - Shaking hands wastes time.
Now I have a 17 page contract
that details our program and what you'll pay us for it.
- Let me read it so I can sign it.
- That takes time and I have got no time to waste.
Here, I've already signed it for you anyway,
so don't worry about it.
Just give me $273.
- 270--
- Just give me the whole wallet, it saves time.
If there's anything I don't need here,
I'll mail it back to you when I have a moment.
Now we have to get organized, Mr. Arbuckle,
so that you can get more accomplished.
We'll start by making a list of things you need to do.
- Oh, yeah, I have--
- Well, to save time I've already made that list.
Today you're going to mop the floor,
wax the car, buy Easter eggs, bake some bread,
fix the roof, wash the dishes,
turn your mattress, rotate your tires,
clean the canary cage, feed the cat and dog,
varnish the table, file all your records,
saw a new button on your vest,
take three dance lessons, trim the hedges,
go Christmas shopping, shampoo all the rugs,
and fertilize the lawn. - Is that all?
- And then, after lunch--
- No, no, no.
Tell me later, let me get started on those things now.
- You wasted almost 19 seconds already.
He's hopeless.
- Garfield: Let me see what's on the no-reruns channel.
Ah, I've seen that.
(Odie mumbling)
Hi Od-meister, come on up.
I'm trying to find something to watch on TV.
Wonder what Jon's up to.
Maybe we can watch--
- I have to mop the floor.
- Garfield: As I was saying, maybe we can--
- I have to trim the hedges.
- Garfield: As I was saying, maybe we--
- I have to rotate my tires.
- Garfield: As I was saying--
- I have to fertilize some bread.
- Garfield: As I was saying--
- Jon: I have to bake the lawn.
- Garfield: As I was saying, maybe--
- I have to turn my mattress.
- Garfield: Do you think Jon's taking the speedup program
too seriously?
- I have to go do my Christmas shopping and buy Easter eggs.
I'm back.
(beeping)
- Garfield: Well, here's the lunch bell.
Let's see if Speedy Gonzales is gonna remember to feed us.
Do you see any lunch? Odie: Uh uh.
I don't see any lunch.
- I have to feed the dog and cat.
- Garfield: Well, that's the fastest
I've ever seen Jon get food on this table.
Odie: Yah!
- I have to wash the dishes!
- Garfield: There was food here, I saw it.
Didn't you see it, Odie?
Odie: Uh huh.
Well, if I'm not getting anything to eat,
I'll go take a nap.
Sleep's not as good as food, but it's a close second.
(sighing)
(vacuum revving)
- I have to shampoo the carpet.
(coughing)
- Garfield: Well, at least that's done.
- Rinse.
(panting)
I did all the chores on that list, Mr. Super Sonic Seymour.
I have a date later, so can I--
- Dates are a waste of time, Arbuckle.
I have another list of things for you to do.
I want you to hoe the garden, sweep the chimney,
polish the silver, clean the lint trap,
iron your shirts, clip the coupons, dust the mantel,
alphabetize your soups, paint the house, match your socks,
do 50 pushups, wash the drapes, and practice the piano.
- But my date is coming.
- You're a time waster, Arbuckle.
You'll never get anything accomplished with that attitude.
You're even wasting my time by making me tell you this.
- Yes, Mr. Super Sonic.
I'll get to the list right away.
- Garfield: You know what this means, Odie?
- Odie: What?
- Garfield: It means we're not gonna get any dinner either.
(upbeat cheerful music)
- Odie: Oh.
- Garfield: I know, Odie.
I'm getting tired just watching him.
(doorbell ringing)
That's probably Joyce.
Jon will stop now that his date's here.
- Hi, Joyce, you look very nice.
Come on in.
Can I get you anything?
What have you been doing lately?
Excuse me, I have to finish alphabetizing my soups.
- Alphabetizing his soups?
- Asparagus through zucchini.
All here.
Would you like to go some place for dinner?
Sorry, I don't have time for dinner.
How about a movie?
- Sure, how about if we--
- I don't have time for a movie, sorry.
Gotta go match my socks.
Here, have a cup of coffee before you have to go.
- Have to go?
Jon, I just got--
- You're wasting my time, drink your coffee.
- This hasn't even been heated.
- Heating takes time.
Hope you had as good a time as I did.
I have to go dust the mantel.
I'll call you again soon.
Almost forgot.
Bye.
- Bye, Jon.
- Garfield: Okay, Odie.
The cat has had quite enough of this.
This isn't gonna be pretty, but it has to be done.
(upbeat cheerful music)
(panting)
- I finished everything on the list.
Can I stop now?
- As long as there is time,
you've gotta get things done done done.
I have another list for you.
Now, I want you to remove my pants,
dump paint on my head,
take all the money back you've paid me,
dump me in the trash can,
and let the garbage collectors have me.
Hey hey hey, wait a minute.
- I can't wait a minute, I don't have time.
I have to remove your pants, dump paint on your head.
- Seymour: Wait, stop.
Take it easy, stop.
Don't do that, no.
No, put that down.
- I've run out of things to do.
I washed everything, painted everything,
had my date with Joyce.
Joyce!
I threw her out.
Oh no, I gotta call her up and apologize.
(Odie mumbling)
- Garfield: What do you mean she'll never forgive him?
That was the best date they ever had.
(upbeat cheerful music)
♪
Jon Arbuckle, if you can guess
how many chocolate chip cookies are in this jar,
you get the entire contents.
- You ate them all, didn't you.
- Garfield: We have a winner!
(upbeat cheerful music)
- Sheldon: He would not.
- Bet you he would.
- Sheldon: Bet you he wouldn't.
- Bet who would do what, guys?
- We were discussing whether Wade would be terrified
by a Caraway seed.
- A what?
- A Caraway seed.
Such as you find on breads or other baked goods.
I say that even one of these, could scare old duck Wade.
- Sheldon: And I say Wade's a coward,
but no one is that big a coward.
- Au contraire, mon egg.
And here's where I prove it.
Oh, Wade, have you seen a Kaiser roll around here?
- Kaiser roll?
Oh that means there might be a Caraway seed nearby.
Help!
Help, help!
Caraway seed.
Please, and help.
- Well, he may have a lot more than Caraway seeds
to worry about.
The Wolf's been seen around here again.
- Sheldon: The Wolf?
- Didn't we get rid of him on last week's episode?
- Roy, you go guard the henhouse.
- It's as good as guarded, chief.
- Help.
Caraway seeds.
Oh, help!
- A decidedly primal fear of confectionary substances
that habitually are found at curds.
- A decidedly, who's this?
- Tell me, sir.
Have you by chance any anxieties relating in any manner
to the comestible known as a bread pudding?
- Bread pudding?
Oh, where?
Oh, save me.
- I can save you mayhaps.
My card.
- Edward R. Furrow, psychoanalyst and badger.
You can help me with my fears?
- I would say yes.
(clearing throat)
Step this way, won't you please?
Now relax and tell me of the tensions than enslave you,
and summon forth anything that seems to trouble you.
- Wade: Well, I am afraid of an awful lot of stuff.
Alphabetically, Aardvark,--
- Excuse me, but might I inquire,
why are you lying under the couch?
- Wade: I have a lot of problems.
- Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three, four.
- We need another contestant.
Who'd like to try for the trip to Fiji.
- Trip to Fiji?
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
- Well, I think I'll pick you.
What is your name and where are you from?
- Roy Rooster, and I live over there.
- Well, Roy Rooster, you'll win a vacation
if you can answer these three, simple questions.
Number one, what color was Napoleon's white horse?
- White?
- That is correct.
Second question.
In what year was the Spanish revolution of 1868?
- Uh, that's a toughy.
Let me think.
Gee, I didn't know there'd be any math.
Was it 1868?
- Correcto!
And now for the trip to the Fiji, answer this last question.
What popular cartoon character
is the star of the hit TV series Garfield and Friends?
- Roy Rooster?
- Should we give it to him, judges?
The judges say yes.
(cheering)
- I won, I won!
- Here are your tickets.
- Oh boy.
I'm off to Fiji.
Hello Fiji
Can I come over
I'm a rooster
- Bon voyage.
Well now, he isn't very bright, is he?
- Now in order to verify certain anxieties,
I shall read an item,
and you specify if you are afraid of it.
Alright, we shall commence with a car.
- Afraid of it.
- Boat. - Afraid of it.
- Olive. - Afraid of it.
- Zither.
- I don't know what it is but I'm afraid of it.
- Bye, Orson.
I'm off to Fiji.
- Oh, have a nice time in Fiji, Roy.
Fiji?
Roy, who's guarding the chickens?
- Who's guarding the chickens?
Why I--
Nobody's guarding the chickens.
- Both: Nobody's guarding the chickens?
- It's okay, I can hear the ladies inside safe and sound.
(clucking)
- Oh, this is terrible.
- It sure is.
Probably means these tickets to Fiji are no good.
- Roy.
- Oh, right, the chickens.
- The Wolf can't have gotten far with the chickens.
Search everywhere.
- Will do.
- To reach the root of your problem,
mayhaps we should take you back to your childhood.
- Oh, I'm afraid of that.
- I shall not stare at you to make you embarrassed,
but I simply want you to imagine yourself
back to when you were a youngster.
- I am imagining.
I am imagining I am 15 years old.
- Go back further if you will.
- Alrighty, I'm imagining I'm 10.
- Further back, go further back.
- The Wolf.
- Imagine yourself back to your childhood.
Go as far back as you can.
I'm afraid that's a bit too far back.
(suspenseful music)
- Hi, Wade.
Wade, what are you doing in there?
- Wade: Hiding from the Wolf.
He went that way.
- Thanks.
He's heading for the north pathway.
I'm gonna take a shortcut, and I'll get there before him.
- I've gotta make a fast U-turn.
- Come back with those chickens.
- Now, how long have you had this delusion
that you are an egg?
- Well, I am an egg.
- Have you believed this since you were born?
- I haven't been born yet.
- Oh, that pig is right on my tail.
- Perhaps with work,
we can get you to come out of your shell.
(screaming)
- Heading for a crash.
- I see, and how long have you had this feeling?
(clucking)
- The Wolf is gone, and the chickens are safe.
- And I don't get to go to Fiji.
- Hey, Wade.
Did your talk with that psychoanalyst change you any?
- Oh yes, it made a big change at me.
- All: It did?
- Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm afraid of couches.
(upbeat cheerful music)
There on the sand
You gave me your hand
And told me you loved me the most ♪
Then without pause
You showed me your claws
I ain't gonna be your scratching post ♪
♪
- Announcer: You are watching Meow TV.
The only cable TV channel featuring music videos for cats.
- Hey, you're back with your main manx, Kenny Katnip,
as we continue counting down the top videos of the week.
You just saw number two,
Ain't Gonna Be Your Scratching Post, by Tina and the Tabbys.
Next up, the hit off the new CD by Garfield
is number one this week.
A little rap thing he calls, The Garfield Rap.
(scratching on record)
Meow
One day I was asleep, I heard a puppy yapping ♪
Can't stand dogs who interrupt my napping ♪
So I went to have a chat with Odie ♪
Told the puppy dog he ought to hit the road ♪
He said, "No way", tried to contradict me ♪
That was when the little puppy licked me ♪
Oh, how I want to kick and clobber ♪
When I get covered with doggy slobber ♪
But I was polite as I was able ♪
And I kicked the doggy off the table ♪
Landed on the floor, right in a heap ♪
Next time, he won't interrupt my sleep ♪
The guy I lived with got real sore ♪
I said, "Hey, what are puppies for?" ♪
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
Meow
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
Just last night I was having a snack ♪
And this guy comes in with a sackful of food ♪
He said it was really great
Made for cats who are a little overweight ♪
Well, he persisted with his plan ♪
So I scoped the label out on the can ♪
Beef by-products is how they try ♪
To sell parts of the cow they can't identify ♪
But he said it was good for my waist ♪
And he forced me to take a little taste ♪
I thought the stuff that he brought home ♪
Tasted like ground up Styrofoam ♪
He gave me a bowl, but I couldn't complete it ♪
I said "Hey, if it's so good, why don't you eat it?" ♪
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
Meow
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
Late at night I go out on the fence ♪
Down the street from my residence ♪
I bring my horn and I play a little jam ♪
Starting at three, maybe four a.m. ♪
People in the building right across the way ♪
Get a special kind of treat when I start their day ♪
Is there any better one to start off all their morns ♪
Than the coolest cat with the hottest of horns ♪
I play some jazz, and I play some blues ♪
And they offer tips in the form of shoes ♪
Come the morning, and they walk out on the street ♪
Lots of folks in their little stocking feet ♪
But I am pleased to make them all a deal ♪
Pays for a heck of a breakfast meal ♪
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
Meow
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
When I'm in the park, people always want to pat ♪
The furry head of a kitty cat ♪
How many times have I heard it said ♪
"Oh, he's cute" as they rub my head ♪
It was fun long ago but the fun's been fading ♪
I used to find the thing quite degrading ♪
Till I came up with a solution ♪
All I needed was a little financial restitution ♪
People pet me now and all is fine ♪
Till I show them the price list on my sign ♪
Pet the kitty on the head and neck ♪
I accept credit cards, cash, or check ♪
And next week our special rate begins ♪
For folks who want to scratch me under my chins ♪
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
Meow
That's called being a cat
Lie around, get fat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
When I'm around the women make a beeline ♪
When they catch sight of this classy feline ♪
Saturday night I pick up my date ♪
That's the time we must celebrate ♪
Some guys are trouble, some guys are fun ♪
I'm Michael Jackson all rolled into one ♪
She has more fun than she's ever known ♪
Still, she'll yearn for that moment alone ♪
That's the moment that goes to the heart ♪
Then I smell something and quickly depart ♪
What's so important I'll leave her with ease ♪
Homemade lasagna with plenty of cheese ♪
This is the end of The Garfield Rap ♪
Now pass me a pillow, it's time for my nap ♪
That's called being a cat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
That's called being a cat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
That's called being a cat
That's what it takes to be a cat ♪
That's called being a cat
You'll be sitting pretty, kitty-cat ♪
(upbeat cheerful music)