Garfield and Friends (1988) s06e16 Episode Script

The Third Penelope Episode/Hare Force/Garfield's Garbage Can & Tin Pan Alley Revue

(Narrator) Ladies and gentlemen, Garfield and Friends. (drumroll)
We're. (Crowd) We're. ♪
Ready. (Crowd) Ready. ♪
To. (Crowd) To. ♪
We're ready to party, we're ready ♪
I hope you bring lots of spaghetti ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Dancing, fiesta, romancing, siesta ♪
samba, la bamba
Ay caramba
Disguises, disguises
Surprises, surprises
And pies of-- and pies of all sizes ♪
Come on in, come to the place where fun never ends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Come on in, it's time to party with Garfield and Friends ♪
Garfield and Friends
Penelope's back today folks.
Some women just can't get enough of me.
(upbeat music)
(Italian music)
You know Penelope, I never dreamed I'd find a girl who
lived in an Italian restaurant.
Would you like more garlic bread, Garfield?
Yes, yes, absolutely.
Would you like some more linguine?
Definitely, yes.
How about some more pizza?
Yes, yes, of course.
Garfield I was thinking.
Do you think you and I might get married someday?
Yes, positively.
Oh we'll be so happy together forever and ever.
Forever and ever?
I'm gonna go get more lasagna for my husband to be.
Husband to be?
What'd I say?
I thought she said
do you think we might get marinara some day.
Here you go my little pussy cat.
I have never seen anyone eat the way
your little friend does.
Sure but I have another appointment.
Where does the time go?
Well it's been nice seeing you
but I don't want to wear out my welcome.
Good bye.
I'll take this to go, thanks.
You do not understand men.
Is that it?
When you get to be my age, you will find that the man
is like an elephant.
Fun until you have to clean up after them.
(upbeat music)
I'm not here.
You didn't see me, but you have no idea where I am,
but I'm never coming back.
How do you expect me to read your paw
if you keep squirming like that?
Garfield said he was going to marry me
and then he ran off like that.
I don't know what to think.
Your heart line is very strong
and your relationship line intersects it right here.
What would it be like to be Mrs. Garfield Cat?
Your friend, what is his name?
He's very much afraid of a commitment,
but that is how it is with a great many men.
(wedding music)
Do you Penelope Pussy Cat take this cat Garfield
as your husband?
To have and to hold, to feed and to feed.
In sickness and in health.
At breakfast, lunch, and dinner and between meals?
I do.
And do you Garfield, Garfield?
Has anyone seen the groom?
Let me go, I won't do it, you can't make me, help.
Humane society help!
Now Garfield do you take this cat Penelope as your wife,
to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer,
in sickness or in health, 'til death do you part?
Garfield aren't you gonna answer him?
I'm holding out for better terms.
MOMMA: But I see that your domestic skills will take over
and you will make a good home.
(phone ringing)
Penelope phone.
Penelope your biscuits are done.
(door bell ringing)
Penelope front door.
Penelope the floor needs vacuuming.
Matter of fact, it really needs repainting.
Isn't it about time to harvest that garden you planted?
(motor running)
Garfield what would you like for dinner?
Suggest something.
Applesauce, asparagus, bacon, baked beans, barbecue ribs,
barley, mushroom soup, beef stew, beets, breadsticks,
broccoli, cannelloni, carrots, cashews, shrimp,
catfish, cauliflower, caviar, celery, cheese dip,
cherries, chili, chop Sui, chow mein, clam chowder,
coffee, coleslaw, consomme, corn muffins.
Hold it.
That should be enough for dinner.
But leave out the consomme.
I have to watch my diet.
Now Penelope, this last line here is a long one.
It is for the children you will have.
Yes, many children.
I see you having a very large family.
On no it's three o'clock.
School's out.
Make me a sandwich. Make me some lasagna.
I want a cupcake. I want a drink of water.
Where are the cookies? I want some juice.
I'm hungry mommy. I want a snack.
What have you got to eat?
Did I just hear a cat scream, Momma?
Yes Poppa it is alright.
It was just our little Penelope learning
that she is not as ready to be
as grown up as she thought she was.
No, no, no, no Penelope, no.
You never said anything about your mother coming
to live with us before we got married.
But Garfield, dear, I just assumed.
My little Penelope married that fat tub of goo.
I seem to be making a bad first impression.
Well we'll have to whip him into shape.
Alright son in law, drop and give me 20.
But I never exercise.
What does he do?
What does he do?
Well he sleeps a lot and eats lasagna.
I mean for a livin'.
He's gonna have to get a job.
He has to support you and me and your brother, Al,
and his wife and three kids and all your cousins.
Oh no.
What do you think you're doing?
Forget the pushups.
I'm taking up long distance running.
You come back here.
Come back and get a job.
Get two jobs.
No, no.
I've gotta find Penelope and tell her I can't marry her.
Penelope I'm sorry I didn't mean to break your heart,
but I can't marry you.
It just wouldn't work.
(Both) You mean it?
You don't want to get married?
But we can still be friends
even if I don't want to get married now?
Oh absolutely.
Even if I never want to get married?
And even I move out of the back of the pizzeria
and there's no more free Italian food?
Garfield, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I mean it.
You wouldn't really move out would ya?
(gentle music)
(gentle music)
Ever have a day when you're not sure
which side of the looking glass you're on?
(upbeat music)
Okay it's time for your bedtime story chicks.
I hope it's better than last night's.
I forgot, what was last night's?
He read to us out of the post office zip code directory.
Anyway I found a real story for tonight.
The Tortoise and the Hare.
Oh I know that one.
Once upon a time.
There was a hare who made fun of a tortoise.
"Boy are you slow" said the hare.
"If you think you're so fast" said the tortoise,
"let's have a race."
Wake me up when we get to the slow
and steady wins the race part.
I'll ignore that.
So later that day, they set up a race.
Mr. Fox fired the starting signal.
And the hare took off.
He zoomed ahead of Mr. Tortoise.
In fact, he got so far ahead
that he decided he could stop and take a nap.
So he went to sleep under a big, shady tree.
Well while he was sleeping,
the tortoise kept on walking
as fast as his little tortoise legs would carry him.
By and by, the hare awoke
and suddenly he remembered the race.
He jumped up and ran as fast as he could.
But it was too late.
He got there just in time
to see the tortoise cross the finish line.
The end.
Okay now what's the moral of this story.
Never bet on a stupid hare.
Don't be annoyed with us, Orson.
Yeah we're blaming you
because your story was a snooze and a half.
Oh I suppose you could do better.
(Both) We thought you'd never ask.
Hey, what's going on here?
We're gonna rewrite the story.
We're gonna show you how it should be done.
For today's kids.
Today's kids?
First thing, this hero is so slow.
He's supposed to be slow.
He's a tortoise.
That's the point of the story.
Slow heroes are boring.
Let's make him a ninja.
A ninja tortoise?
What a stupid idea.
You're right.
Who would ever watch a show about one of them?
Let's make him a space tortoise.
And we'll put him on a planet
where he can meet lots of dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs, why do you need dinosaurs?
What's a kid's show these days without dinosaurs.
Get with it Ors.
Now, we gotta do something about this hare.
I've got it.
Let's make him an evil space lord.
Yeah good idea and he rule from a secret lab
on the planet Clarion.
Guys, I really think you're getting carried away with.
Hey we listened to your story.
I know how we can start our version.
The space tortoise was engaged
in combat with a dinosaur one day.
Get back you infernal beast from out of time.
(Sheldon) When the hare master of space and time
sent a holographic projection to mock him.
So you a fancy yourself a warrior do you tortoise?
But you are not swift enough to pose a threat to me.
But I am.
(Sheldon) Said the space tortoise.
If you do not believe, let us settle it with a race.
Fine and let us say that the winner will get.
BOOKER: What should the winner get?
(Sheldon) How about a cookie?
It's gotta be something bigger than that.
I know.
The hare says.
The winner gets absolute mastery of all time and space.
Total absolute control of the entire universe
for all eternity.
And the cookie.
And a cookie.
the two of them ready their spacecrafts for the race.
At stake is the control of the entire universe,
past and present.
And a cookie.
(Sheldon) The inner planetary gatekeeper gives the signal
to commence the race.
(dramatic music)
In no time at all, the hare's craft is entering hyperspace.
Traveling at 10 times the speed of light.
While the tortoise flies as fast as his ship will allow.
(Booker) It looks bad for the tortoise.
This was such a nice, simple story.
Within milliseconds, the hare is light years ahead.
That tortoise is a galaxy behind me.
Soon I will have the entire universe and a cookie.
(Sheldon) The hare was so far ahead,
that he decides to stop on the planet, Beta Blue,
and catch a quick nap.
(yawning and snoring)
Little realizing that Beta Blue's greater gravity
would lull him into a deeper sleep,
giving the tortoise a chance to get ahead.
This is gonna be a neat ending.
I wish I could be there when they get to the finish line.
Well you can be if you'd like.
You're imaging this whole story.
You could just imagine us into it.
Just imagine up some space wardrobe for all of us.
And imagine us into a rocket.
And here we are in outer space.
Hey that's neat.
(Sheldon) Where's the hare now?
He's still taking a nap on planet Beta Blue.
But he wakes up, realizing he's overslept
and quickly hurls the ship into supersonic,
ultra speed, hyperspace overdrive.
Is the tortoise about to cross the finish line?
No, in fact, the hare's about to pass him.
The tortoise isn't going to win?
That's not the way the story's supposed to end.
It's worse than that guys.
The hare's spaceship is heading directly at us.
Quick, put us into super overdrive.
Which button is it?
It doesn't matter, they're all made up anyway.
Okay we'll say it's this one.
(rocket engine running)
Good work Sheldon.
(dramatic music)
Look we're nearing the finish line.
(dramatic music)
We won. We did it.
We won. Yeah.
We did it.
Do you realize what this means, Booker?
We rule the entire universe.
We are the masters of all space and time.
Hey wait a minute?
What about me?
(Sheldon) You can have the cookie.
Chocolate chip, my favorite.
(upbeat music)
Good evening gennies and ladymen
and now direct from the dinner table,
the back fence repairatory company has fleeces to present
Garfield and his garbage and tin can alley revue.
Let's really hear it for us.
Well it's the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley revue ♪
Give us a chance
We'll sing and we'll and dance ♪
For an evening or two
We've got a silly doggy with the lamest trick ♪
A kitten so cute it's gonna make you sick ♪
It's enough to make you move away to Kalamazoo ♪
Far from the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley revue ♪
(Garfield) Thank you, you're beautiful, thank you.
Now our next act.
Our next act is me.
My name is Nermal cat
Most folks are jealous that
They can't be half as cute as me ♪
My fur is pettable
I'm unforgettable
I'm as perfect as I can be
Is it cute to romp and play
I think so
No I brighten up each day
When I leap 'til they beg me to stay ♪
Yes it's the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley revue ♪
Critics agree
It merits a D
And it smells like a zoo
We've got a stupid kitten and stupid pup ♪
To keep you wide awake until the sun comes up ♪
In the whole wide world
You must have something better to do ♪
Than watch the Garfield garbage can ♪
and tin can alley revue
Thank you, thank, and now for those of you who like magic.
You wanna do an act?
Okay you got them.
Keep it short.
(gentle music)
Beautiful dreamer, awaken to me ♪
Starlight and dew drops are waiting for thee ♪
Sounds of the rude world turn into day ♪
Love by the moonlight have all passed away ♪
Beautiful dreamer
Queen of my song
(slow music)
(quick music)
And now the pussy cat of fresh divination.
The feline of the fantastic.
A nice welcome for the Great Linguine.
Thank you, thank you.
And now I, the Great Linguine,
will perform my incredible vanishing act.
We will start by making this ordinary tuna sandwich on rye,
Ta da!
And now for the next item.
I will make this hot dog disappear.
Ta da.
Thank you.
Yes I know it's incredible.
Now for my favorite south of the border,
I will vanish this taco.
And now for the most difficult of all.
Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen.
To entertain you.
And now.
And now a number by me.
Nermal the show needs a big finish.
Get in the box.
What are you gonna do Garfield?
I don't trust you.
Nermal, have I ever lied to you?
No, you'll saw me in half.
And have two of you.
You wanna be part of the show, don't ya?
Well yeah.
Then get in the box.
Don't you want to see Nermal get in the box?
Okay that's it.
I've had enough of this.
Hmm are you sure about this Garfield?
Trust me, Nerm, the crowd will love it.
Alright, now we're gonna make Nermal disappear.
Everyone count.
One, two, three.
Here we go.
All stamped and addressed to Abu Dhabi.
Thank you.
No you're too kind.
Thank you, thank you.
I've had enough of this.
I'm trying to get to sleep
and you're out here all night singing and dancing.
I keep hearing that song over and over.
It's the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley revue ♪
Give us a chance
We'll whatever the words are
For an evening or two
Alright pal that's enough.
Look we've been getting calls all night
of somebody causing a disturbance in this alley.
That wasn't me.
That was my cat and all these animals here, see.
It was my cat.
My cat was dancing, see, and singing.
Garfield show him how you dance and sing.
Show him your act.
(crickets chirping)
But he did.
He was singing and dancing and doing magic tricks.
Yeah, yeah, sure, show it to the sergeant downtown.
It's showtime again folks.
Oh it's the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley review ♪
Won't stop the show
If you should throw out a slipper or shoe ♪
If you think that we're annoying Jon ♪
you might be right
We'll do the show from your backyard tomorrow night ♪
Then your neighbors will throw rotten fruit ♪
And then blame it on you
And at the Garfield garbage can and tin can alley revue ♪
(upbeat music)
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