Gaslit (2022) s01e05 Episode Script


1 Y'all gonna just stand around, or you wanna ask me some questions? Dad got fired from his job at the White House.
We can move anywhere.
Daddy did not get fired.
Mitchell will be the one holding the bag, trust me.
Probably be happy to go to prison to get away from Martha.
Conspiracy to commit burglary and wiretapping.
I sentence you to the maximum penalty allowable under federal law.
We'll reconvene in two months' time to formalizing sentencing.
You ever threaten to squeal again, it'll be the last time you ever squeal.
Pat Gray is feeding me their reports, okay? You satisfied? Oh, director of the FBI.
Very impressive.
It's only a matter of time before they figure out what's going on.
Maybe it's the routine that scares me.
I just want you to know I can't imagine the rest of my life without it.
My own boy, Jay, is over there fighting for his life as we speak.
- Who is it for you? - My little brother.
I'm a doer.
I don't just sit around and do nothing.
And if you don't do your own talking, someone is gonna do it for you in this town.
Should the Nixon administration be afraid of you, Mrs.
Mitchell? Well, I think you know the answer to that.
Attagirl, Martha.
Good afternoon.
Uh, the president would like to assure the public that when it comes to illicit profit from land deals in California, uh, he has nothing to hide, uh, despite what leftist Democrats might allege.
On the contrary, the president has paid his full and normal tax load, just like any citizen.
Therefore, an examination of his personal taxes at this point feels like a political ploy and is simply not necessary.
Any further update on the subject will come through official channels, uh, before you hear it in the secretarial pool at The Post.
And with that, I'd like to open it up to any questions.
- Mr.
- Over here.
Yes, I was wondering if the White House has any comments on the accusations currently being levied against the president Yeah, now, uh, before you go any further, Helen.
Uh, I have been made aware that there is a certain citizen individual who has gotten herself some attention, uh, in the press as of late Martha Mitchell.
Well, I'm not naming any names, Helen.
Um, but I would just like to say that we all have a certain nature, something to which we must adhere.
And the nature of this particular individual has been rather bellicose and unreliable.
Please welcome a woman who's fast becoming the biggest thorn in Richard Nixon's side since Pat shoved him into the rose garden the captivating, controversial, undeniable Martha Mitchell.
Mike, you make me sound like a best seller.
Now, Martha, you are the first person that I'm aware of to publicly accuse the president of responsibility for the Watergate break-in.
Pretty sure I won't be the last.
But Mrs.
Mitchell's making some very grave accusations against the president.
I would be remiss to point out that they are accusations that no one else has made.
President Nixon has been re-elected by a landslide.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor ♪ Will you marry me? Twenty-five or six to four ♪ I, Richard Nixon, do solemnly swear I will faithfully execute the office of president of the United States.
You also accused the president of ordering your alleged imprisonment in California.
Yes, I do, and I-I also believe that the president is attempting to leave my husband holding the bag for his dirty tricks, and I won't let that happen.
You always speak your mind on our show, Martha.
- We really appreciate that.
- I do.
I speak my mind.
I am a Southern woman.
We speak our minds.
We talk.
I never stop talking.
I bet your husband just loves that.
He takes it in stride.
Wanting just to stay awake ♪ What? They're admirers.
Jimmy, it's been so long, I was beginning to think we weren't friends anymore.
Should I try to do some more ♪ What you hearing at The Tribune these days, anyway? I don't think the woman's in her right mind.
She might call herself a Republican, but she's not one of us.
She's a truth teller.
Well, look at what they did to poor Dorothy Hunt? She was on that horrible plane that crashed, and then they found $10,000 cash on her.
Seeing as how this person cannot be stopped or reasoned with in any way, uh, the White House harbors the fervent hope that she can avail herself of familial comfort and professional help.
Oh! What do you say about the rumors out of the White House that you've struggled with alcohol? I say a rumor is just a lie without a home.
She's a lush and a pill popper too.
She's got problems emotionally and whatnot, but, um, who doesn't? They were the ones that stonewalled Wright Patman's committee in the House last October.
Well, then I can be your source, 'cause I'm telling you it's factual.
Oh, you know what I forgot to ask you? Did you get those Hummels I sent after the wedding? And you stated elsewhere that your goal is to take down Nixon.
But the president's approval numbers just keep climbing.
If the American people knew half of what I do about their government, they wouldn't have much to approve of.
So Mrs.
Mitchell's behavior isn't getting to the first lady or the president, as has been reported? Do you hear yourself when you ask these questions? I mean, for criminy's sake, come on.
Let me ask the obvious question.
What is obvious? Are you crazy? Yeah.
Frickin' loudmouth.
Limousine liberal.
Groovy liberated.
Commie bitch.
All rise.
This court is now in session with the Honorable Judge John Sirica presiding.
You may be seated.
Gentlemen, I called you in today for a formal sentencing.
But first, I'd like to say a few words.
When I was a younger man, Jack Dempsey was my sparring partner.
I don't say that to boast, and I certainly don't say it to imply that I wasn't getting pummeled every Tuesday at the Y.
But I know what it means to have heart.
And frankly, the group of you have shown a lot of heart, taking all the licks you have in this courtroom.
And I believe it's to be commended.
But a fighter also has to know when it's time to throw in the towel.
Which brings me to a very interesting letter I received this morning from Mr.
"Certain questions have been posed to me from Your Honor through the probation officer" You rat fuck! I'll fucking I'll fucking kill you! Order! I will fucking kill you! - Remove him! - You fuck! I'll fucking kill you! You fuck! I should've fucking killed you when I had the chance! - Get him out of here! - You fuck! Come in.
The partners brought these over for you to sign.
How are you settling in? Oh, you know.
I know.
Looking like you got a little sun.
Oh, stop.
Any calls from the White House? They're probably just busy.
I ran two of Dick's campaigns, the ones he won.
The least you'd think I could expect is to get a goddamn fucking call back.
Oh, I never saw that one.
Look at those two young men.
Not my best angle.
Oh, stop.
You look handsome.
You know, I always wondered.
Do he and Pat ever Oh.
Not since Trish was born.
Too bad.
And, uh, Mr.
Mitchell, if you ever need anything, uh, I'm right outside your door.
You know that, right? Of course.
Thank you, Diana.
God damn it.
I'm sorry to bother you again, Mr.
Mitchell, but I-I think you should turn on the news.
In what reads like a wish list for the prosecution, James McCord's letter alleges a massive campaign of sabotage and obstruction on the part of the Nixon administration.
Reports from Capitol Hill cite Mr.
McCord's letter as a reason to open a Senate committee dedicated to the Watergate matter.
If that happens, both present and former members of the administration may become targets of the investigation.
The news will come as a shock to the newly re-elected president, who might have considered the burgeoning scandal safely behind him.
McCord has joined lone voices" "in the wilderness such as Martha Mitchell "in publicly implicating the president's closest aides in the Watergate break-in.
" Well, at least now they will see I was right about the whole rotten lot of 'em.
Are you sure you don't want any? Yes, thank you.
Boy, they've really got 'em lined up now.
Bunch of bowling pins.
Martha, can we focus on the book? I-I really wanna get some work done today.
Of course.
You have my undivided attention.
So, the Pine Bluffs records office didn't have a death certificate on file for your father Oh, Maria! Ooh! This is my good friend Maria from back in the New York days.
Maria, this is Winzola McLendon.
She is my biographer and a first-rate journalist.
Right up there with Helen Thomas.
A-a biography? Martha, you are too much for this town, I swear.
Oh, guess who I ran into at the A&P.
- Who? - Jay.
Jay, your son? You said he was still in Vietnam.
Oh, no, he's been stateside for a while now.
Living with all those Jews down in Baltimore.
He's such a kind boy.
Won the Silver Star, you know.
Purple Heart.
Now, did he mention to you that he has moved in with that little girlfriend of his? I darn near hit the roof.
Can I interview him? For the book.
But you have me, the greatest source of all.
Yes, it just might be interesting is all.
Well, of course, if that's what you want to do, but I will give you a piece of advice.
If that little girlfriend of his invites you over for dinner, take an entrée.
She's a vegetarian.
Although there are reports that the convicted Watergate conspirators might be first to testify at the formal hearings, which begin a week from Thursday, Ervin and Baker would only say that the witness list will be out later this week.
And the first set of hearings will last Hey there! How's married life treating you, champ? Uh, it's only been a week, but so far, so good.
Yeah, Mo is a-a little peeved we had to stick around D.
, and, uh Oh, I'm so sorry you had to cancel your honeymoon.
Now this damn McCord letter's gotten everybody in a fright.
Yeah, no, it's, uh It's all right.
You know, we hadn't actually left yet, so it was just a matter of unpacking.
Well, still, the president, he feels awful about it.
He and the first lady would like to gift you a little getaway weekend.
Something to tide you over until you and the missus can spring for the real honeymoon.
- You gotta be shitting me.
- No.
President never shits anyone about Camp David.
Here are the keys.
Directions, list of amenities should be included.
This is unbelievable.
I-I thank you so, so much.
I Oh, my God, Mo's gonna flip.
I this I don't know what to say.
- You earned it.
- Oh.
And look, it'll be good to have a little time away from the city to write that investigative report, right? I'm sor um sorry, i-investigative report? Oh, yeah.
Did nobody tell you? Oh, huh.
Oh, okay.
No, it's just something, uh, Dick wants typed up.
You know, some legalese that separates the White House from any involvement.
You know, boilerplate stuff, something to help put an end to all this Watergate fuss, but Well, right, right.
It-it-it's just, um Sir.
It's Mitchell calling for you again.
Can you, uh, tell him I'm in a meeting, Kay? - Yes, sir.
- Please.
Thank you.
That pathetic bastard.
He just he won't take a hint.
You know? Don't tell me he's been calling you too.
Well, once or twice.
I-I haven't actually answered.
Yeah, I tell you, he should do something useful and put a shovel to that embarrassment of a wife.
You-you go enjoy Camp David.
Uh, well, uh, as I was saying, sir, um, you, uh About that report Yes.
Do you know, with all the r-renewed media scrutiny, do you really think it's wise that I put my name on an investigative report without doing an actual investigation? Hmm.
Yeah, could seem a little fishy, huh? I mean, I-I-I could be indicted for obstruction of justice.
No, you know what? Forget it.
Really? The president would never wanna put you in a tough position.
- Right.
Of course, yeah.
- Not at all.
No, we got it covered, lover boy, all right? You go enjoy Camp David, all right? I will.
Thank you, sir.
My goodness.
This is this is incredible.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You're so welcome.
No, you've earned it.
I'll send you a postcard.
Okay, please do.
- Thank you, sir.
- All right.
Have fun.
Thank you.
Kay, could you be a doll, please, and get me John Mitchell now? Thank you.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Good day.
Um firstly, I want to commend you on your excellent work as part of the Watergate task force.
There's a lot of armchair quarterbacks in this town, but I think we could all benefit from a lot more positive reinforcement.
Am I right? This guy knows I'm right.
Secondly, you may hear some news over the next few days about my leadership, uh, of the bureau.
The last year or so, it seems I have been in communication, um, with certain folks at the White House regarding the state of the investigation, giving them copies of the 302s and so forth.
Copies of the 302s? - And - Excuse me, sir.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
You're not saying that you've been leaking our investigation to the people we've been investigating.
I mean, I wouldn't exactly, but, uh, yeah, that's, uh, about right, yeah.
That sounds, uh, accurate.
And all that's gonna come out.
Uh, at this point, I think it might be in keeping with my desire to create a more open and, uh, inclusive working environment that I would open up, uh, the forum to some questions.
Which you-you can submit in writing to my secretary to be answered at a future date.
Look at the time.
I've gotta run to a meeting.
Uh, great work.
Thank you.
Let's keep this going.
I can't believe it.
I can.
Fuck it.
If Gray's gonna be stuck doing damage control, forget the protocol.
Why don't we just start doing real police work? Now the weekend's come ♪ I'm gonna throw my troubles away ♪ I want to see ♪ The bright lights tonight ♪ Meet me at the station ♪ Don't be late ♪ Mr.
and Mrs.
Dean, welcome.
I need to spend some money ♪ And it just won't wait ♪ Welcome to Camp David, Mrs.
Oh, my God.
Take me to the dance ♪ And hold me tight ♪ I want to see the bright lights tonight ♪ Oh, I thought I'd been cast off on an iceberg.
John, welcome back.
You've been missed.
He's just been so busy lately.
You know how he gets.
Well, I ought to.
I am the poor bastard's best friend, aren't I? Speak of the devil.
- Hey, John Mitchell.
- Oh! There he is.
John, great to see you.
- Bob, hey John.
- How are ya, chief? Chuck, what are you all doing here? Where's the big enchilada? Oh, Dick got pulled into an emergency meeting, but he sends his best.
Yeah, have a seat.
Uh, scotch? You prefer gin? You know John Dean's the only faggot who drinks gin around here.
Maybe I should schedule when it's a better time for the president.
That won't be necessary.
We could use your input on a couple of details he's been asking us about.
Yeah, couple sticky wickets.
A few things you can clear up for us, sir.
Mm-hmm, what-what-what do you What do you got? Well, for instance this Gordon Liddy character.
Now, he was part of your outfit at CREEP, correct? Him, Hunt, and McCord? You've met Liddy.
You've all met Liddy.
I don't recall that.
Me neither.
Drawing a complete blank.
Maybe you could just refresh us on exactly - how you recruited him.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, in fact, might be best if you just took us through the whole planning and operation - of the thing from your end.
- Just for clarity.
Just we can see how it all came together.
You put the ball in motion on this thing, correct? The break-in was your brainchild, right? That's right.
You know, John I'm-I'm a little fuzzy on it.
In fact, the only break-in I can remember is, uh the Ellsberg.
That was your job, right? And, Bob, weren't you point on that plan to firebomb the Brookings Institute? Or-or was that you, Chuck? It was a shame that one didn't happen.
I-I thought there'd be a great weenie roast.
All right.
And then there's those nights where Where we all sat up, trying to figure out how to secretly bomb the fuck out of Cambodia.
I think we get the point.
Have you got the point, or you need it fucked up your ass and broken off on the other end? I was fucking with you.
You're so tense.
You fucker.
He's fucking with us! All right, well, uh, I think that's about it.
Thanks for coming in, you friendless sack of shit.
I have enjoyed every minute of it, you fuck-for-brains.
Can't wait for this one to be frog-marched to prison, huh? You talentless bunch of shit-gibbons are more likely to be the first there.
What do you think? What do you think? Get ass cancer and die.
Bye-bye, now.
Are there microphones in here? - Jesus, Chuck.
- Wh-which They're in here, right? They're in there.
That's where they are.
Oval Office.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
- No, no.
- Mr.
Magruder! How you doing today? I don't know if we've formally met.
I'm Special Agent Angelo Lano.
This is my partner, Paul Magallanes.
- No way.
No way.
Thank you.
- What's going on? I-I know who you are.
I've seen you around.
I gotta go.
I gotta pick up my kid for the dentist.
Well, we were wondering if you could help us clear up some of the illicit communications between CREEP and FBI Director Gray.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, uh, Pancho Villa, because I-I don't know anything about any secret, uh, communications Illicit communications with the FBI.
So why don't you two, you know, buzz off? Mr.
Magruder, I know you don't wanna find yourself on the business end of a 14-year sentence for obstruction of justice.
- Hey, okay.
- Or do you? Okay, I know what you're trying to do here, all right? You think that you can, uh, you know, just intimidate me because I'm just gonna roll over and let you fuck me up the ass.
That's right.
That's right.
You wanna come here to my place of business, and you wanna fuck me.
You wanna fuck me up the ass.
Both of you.
Please get yourselves off of my Oldsmobile.
All right.
Maybe it's time we give the poor guy a break.
- He's not talking.
- No? You don't think so? I don't think so.
That's too bad, because the first one who talks gets sweetheart deal, right? That's right.
I don't want the sweetheart deal.
Man of steel, gotta give him that.
Fort fucking Knox.
We'll see you soon.
Why? Why would you see me? I don't I don't know anything.
Did you not hear me tell you? I am ignorant of what you are talking about.
You fuck me, I fuck you.
- All right.
- Yup.
I fuck you.
See you soon, Jeb.
I wouldn't be the first, right? As the mist ♪ Mine are flawless Leaves no scar ♪ On the dark green hill ♪ So my body ♪ And never will ♪ Oh, shit.
Through windows ♪ In the dark ♪ Oh, great! The children go ♪ Like arrows ♪ With no targets ♪ Like shackles ♪ Oh, my God.
That was mean.
True love leaves no traces ♪ Oh! If you and I are one ♪ It's lost in our embraces ♪ We'll probably be the first people to ever have sex here.
They're-they're beaming these in from a-a satellite? - This one's from Japan.
- Mm.
Isn't that far out? Hey, what's wrong? My mother is such a complicated woman, but she would always tell me that she knew that she was going to spend the rest of her life with my father from the moment that she met him, and I was always looking for that exact same feeling and so worried that I didn't feel it or couldn't feel it at all and And you felt it when you met me.
No, that's what I'm saying.
I, at first, hated you so much, so much.
Oh, it was overwhelming.
You must've felt that, John.
But then I got to know you, and all of a sudden, I I just I don't know.
It's not anything like my mom said it would be.
I feel like I'm only capable of loving you desperately or hating your guts, which I still do some afternoons.
That's not very romantic, is it? I you know what it is? I'm drunk.
- No.
- That's all it is.
You're-you're scared.
I don't know.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm scared too.
I've never been here before.
I don't know how all this ends.
But I know that we're here.
We made it this far.
We're at Camp David.
I don't know, I thought getting married was supposed to take away the fear.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Is that Mama Cass? Refill on your drink, Mrs.
Kennedy? That sounds yeah.
Why don't you make it a double? Oh, I serve at the pleasure of the president.
The investigation should be thorough and aboveboard.
- And second - Your boyfriend's on.
that if there were any higher involvement, we should get the facts out first.
White House counsel John Dean has been assigned to monitor these investigations.
I entrusted the task of getting me the written report to Mr.
Whatever the facts might be, I wanted the White House to be the first to make them public.
- Shall we march? - Yeah.
In the streets! In the streets! - All right.
- Free Martha Mitchell! Free Martha Mitchell! I have put down the only earrings that go with this necklace, and I just cannot Now I'm late.
here on the par-three golf course on Monday night You have been moping for weeks while I have been out defending our reputation.
From where I sit, looks a bit more self-serving than that.
Self-serving? Look at these freaks.
Free Martha Mitchell! You're practically a teen idol, just what you always wanted.
That'll goose book sales.
We're looking at boarding schools.
Be sure to clear your schedule.
Diana'll take care of that.
She's very attentive.
Don't, uh, let Marty stay up too late.
And there's pot roast in the kitchen if you get hungry.
I won't.
What the hell, Bob? Come on, you No, you said I didn't have to write that report.
Well, the president's plastering it all over the news.
That's-that's my name out there.
I could go to jail for this.
I am on your side.
But Dick just isn't gonna budge on this.
If you nut up and do the right thing, then it'll just be a lot easier for everyone.
Is-is that a threat? Of course not, buddy.
I just want to help you get out of your own way.
I hope you're having fun up there.
No, Bob.
Bob? Bob? What song is sung at a dress-up party on Fire Island? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I feel like something's going on.
Somebody was hungry.
I just I feel strong when I'm with you.
Like I can do anything.
Oh, John.
When we're in the office together, I can barely stand it.
I want you inside me so badly.
We'll book a room at the Roosevelt and sneak off.
Oh, my God, John.
You really think this is gonna work, just sitting here like this? Oh, yeah.
Once we had this potential witness in a white-collar case.
Criminal mastermind like this guy here.
We did everything to get him to talk, but nothing worked.
Then my partner gets this idea, stake out his house for the weekend just for the fuck of it.
I'm telling you, within seven hours, this asshole comes out to the car and says he'll talk.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
It's one thing to feel like a criminal when you're alone.
It's another thing to feel it when you're with your wife, your children.
It feels invasive somehow, unbearable.
He'll be singing to the special prosecutor by tomorrow morning.
Deputy campaign director.
Guy shouldn't be deputy director of a fuckin' White Castle.
It this is some charmed gringo shit right here.
- That's what that is.
- What do you mean, gringo shit? You saw when new assignments went up last week, right? Yeah.
All the Hispanic guys got shit jobs, right? Well - Well? - Yeah.
- Translation.
- Okay.
You know what they used to call guys like me - when I was at the Academy? - What? The Taco Squad.
Don't laugh.
That's cafeteria shit-talk.
It's not a big thing.
So you're telling me it wouldn't get under your skin if you were part of the I don't know, the-the-the Dago Division? Look, I'm just sayin', we're all jockeying for a spot at the trough, right? Even Sergeant Dickhead over here.
You have to drink something.
- It's a hot one.
- Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me about this, John? I don't know.
I'm such an idiot.
I just I thought if I If I kept it all a secret, then eventually, it would just go away.
That's the logic of a five-year-old.
I'm-I'm-I'm your wife.
That's not really how this works.
I know.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Okay, so this investigative report that Haldeman wants you to write I told you the report is a sham.
If I write it, I am the first official with knowledge of the cover-up to lie about it publicly.
That is what they want.
They wanna pin it on me so that they can squash any more investigations.
What happens if you refuse to do that? Wha if I ref Th-they'll draw and quarter me in the press.
They'll destroy me.
You don't know what kind of tools they have at their disposal, Mo.
I should know, I've used them.
Oh, my God.
Stop talking.
I know I let you down.
I-I'm I-I didn't mean to keep things from you.
I just it all got out of hand.
I'm only gonna say this one time, okay? You cannot ever do this to me again, ever.
I know.
Now, you obviously can't write that report, and we cannot let them drag you through the press.
So what's the third option? I-I can't just walk into the special prosecutor's office.
Why not? Because I'm-I'm at the center of this thing.
I'm the bad guy.
Well, what if you're the guy who saw an injustice and decided to do something about it? Wh-what do you mean? I'm saying okay, if you come out against these people, these criminals, you no longer have a legal problem, right? You have, what, a-a-a PR problem.
And you know what? I-I've spent my entire life creating versions of myself to please people to get what I want, and what I want is for you not to go to jail.
So we just teach you how to do that.
We're gonna have you tell the truth in a way that America likes you.
Create a version of you that people can see themselves in.
I think that's how we win this, John.
That's how we get free.
You just have to trust me.
I mean, do you trust me? Yes.
I love you so much.
Thank you both so much for meeting me.
Oh, thank you.
Um, I would offer you some, but I-I hear that you're a vegetarian.
Martha told you that? Fantastic.
So, um, listen, Jay, I was surprised when your mom mentioned that you were back from overseas.
Well, actually, I've been back a few years now.
My mother sometimes likes to tell people from the press I'm still fighting.
You know, exaggerate for effect.
Drunks tend to do that.
Um, and I have here that your father, Clyde, divorced your mother in 1957.
Yeah, that's right.
I-I guess she met Mr.
Mitchell the year before, and, um, I was nine, so I-I don't really know much about that.
And, um, what can you tell me about growing up with your mom? Um, anything will help, um, you know, memories, anecdotes, that sort of thing.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh, oof.
Well Look, there is a reason why Martha never talks about Jay.
- Well - It's because she left him behind with everything else from her past that she'd prefer to forget.
- I-I'm sorry? - Sharon She is a selfish, troubled woman who happened to raise a sensitive and loving son.
But I don't credit that to her mothering any more than I credit a hurricane for the next sunny day.
Understand? Yeah.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to use the ladies' room.
Sorry about that.
She's just a little protective of me.
That's okay.
Strong women tend to be that way.
I brought something that I wanted to give you.
It's just some things of my mother's that I've collected over the years.
Old photos.
Stuff she left behind.
Uh, maybe it might help with your book.
Of course.
Thank-thank you so much.
That's So how's she doing, anyway? She's fine.
Yeah, she's playing a pretty dangerous game with the press right now, antagonizing the White House like that, but, uh she's tough, your mom.
You know, she has a way of, um, working against herself.
Yeah, that sounds like her.
There are days when I think I should just move on and cover something else, but she calls me up and wins me over, so Look, I know my mom is a lot to handle but don't give up on her.
Thank you.
Martha, if we don't leave now, we're gonna be late.
Great, it's a boarding school tour, not La Scala.
Come on.
Well, I have to wear it somewhere.
Otherwise, it's a waste, and you never take me anywhere.
Zolton's been waiting an hour down there.
You're awfully grumpy.
Up late? Not now.
I'll take a number like everybody else.
What are we up to now? Don't listen to your mother.
She's full of stories.
And gin.
I'd have to be drunk to put up with you.
These are our social grounds, a place to relax with new friends.
- Eyes forward.
- Stop it.
I'd say they're all too young for you, but you never listen to your wife.
We are not gonna do this here.
Oh, I think that one might have her learner's permit.
Over this way, you'll see the sports courts.
We believe a healthy body promotes a healthy mind.
Mm, maybe I should take a lover too, take the pressure off.
You're the one that keeps creating the pressure, the one on television every second of the day.
Well, I wouldn't have to go on TV if you had the guts to speak out.
Oh, God.
Not this again.
I can't take it anymore.
Could you guys keep it down? Keep yourself down, buddy.
- Excuse me? - Come on, Martha.
There are children here.
Tell them to mind their own damn business.
Hey, pal, might wanna handle your wife.
- The hell you say to me? - Dad.
Maybe this is the reason the president canned you, asshole.
How dare you speak to my husband like that? If I can direct your attention to the field hockey area? What are you gonna do, lady? You gonna go on TV and make a sucker out of me like you did to your husband? Stop it.
Stop it.
You smug little prick.
Oh! - Jackass.
- Jerk.
You all right, darling? Mitchell.
Oh! Dad? Somebody get a doctor, please.
Somebody get a doctor.
What's wrong? What's happening? Just catch your breath.
Just catch your breath.
Daddy, what's wrong? Daddy, are you okay? Fuck.
They not teach you to use a waste bin at the Academy? My word.
Uh, Mrs.
May, uh Can we can we help you? My husband, he suffers from the nocturia.
Um - what? - The what? Nocturia.
It's a medical term for an overactive bladder brought on by anxiety.
So when he's nervous, he has to pee, and so he pees.
But right away, he immediately gets this burning sensation like he has to go again.
It's just a trick his mind is playing on him.
Uh I'm-I'm sorry, Mrs.
Magruder Call me Gail.
Uh, sure, Gail.
Why are you telling us this? Mmm.
Because ever since the two of you amateurs have been sitting outside of my house, Jeb has been inside going back and forth to the restroom as if it's an Olympic sport.
The poor dummy is convinced you boys are gonna haul him off to some secret prison in Bolivia or something.
He can't stop peeing.
It's driving me crazy.
Well, we sympathize with you, Gail.
But if Jeb didn't want anyone looking over his shoulder, maybe he shouldn't have gotten himself involved in a criminal conspiracy.
You're not listening to me.
My husband is not an intelligent man.
But he knows how to do the right thing.
A few days ago, I was this close to convincing him to go to talk to the special prosecutor.
And then you two boneheads showed up.
Wait a minute.
You're saying Get the fuck out of here, unless your goal is to send my husband into a piss-induced coma! Give me a day.
And if Jeb doesn't turn himself in, you boys can camp here all fucking month.
She just took our pizza.
Martha? Martha? Marty? Hey, honey.
Where's your mom? Hello.
Martha? Hey.
I, um I heard that John had an incident.
Is he, uh Just his blood pressure.
He's gonna be fine.
Oh, okay.
Uh well, I spoke with Jay.
He-he's doing well, and you were right about his girlfriend.
- She's - Why are you here? What? Why are you here in my room? Oh, well, we're-we're sup We're supposed to work on the book today, remember? I don't want to work on the book today.
Go away.
Martha, you can't keep doing this.
The publishers are expecting a draft by the end of the year.
Oh, Raymond just got his yellow belt in karate.
And Tommy, if you can believe it or not, has got another wiggly tooth.
And all the nuns say that James is one of the most diligent hall monitors they have ever seen.
And Raymond's become much more direct with the girls.
Very good.
Young cadets in training.
Isn't that right, Raymond? Raymond? Sorry, Gordon.
He heard some news on the radio yesterday.
What news did you hear on the radio, Raymond? Go on, don't be afraid.
They they said the judge was sending you to a bad prison for a long time.
That's correct.
I want you to come home.
I know.
And I want nothing more than to be with you and your brothers.
But some things are more important than what we want.
Now, place the phone down so you can hear my voice.
Back straight.
When I was a boy, I was very ill.
My only friend was my nanny, Frau Teresa.
One night, as I lie awake, dying of pneumonia, she told me the story of another sickly little boy, a boy who, from the power of his own will, overcame death and became the leader of her fatherland, a mighty and terrible Fuehrer whose name would echo through time.
Frau Teresa made me realize that I, too, could overcome my own frailty, that I, too, could choose to be strong.
So hear me now.
The three of you individually are very small but combined, you're equal to one adult man.
And with me gone, you're gonna need to start acting like it.
James, no more fear of the dark or monkeys.
Tommy, no more crying when the phone rings.
Is prison scary, Father? Terrifying.
Grown men are either compressed into puddles of blood or molded into mountains.
This will be Father's trial by fire, a true test of my will like nothing I've ever experienced.
Is that what you want, Father? Yes, James.
It is what Father has wanted for a long, long time.
Uh You caught me.
Should have got here earlier.
You could've taken the catheter out.
Never understood those things.
Uh got you a little, uh Little something.
Glad to see you're, uh, back on your feet.
I came, uh, pretty much straight here from Camp David, so that's the, uh the finest in the gas station.
Mo picked it out.
That's sweet.
Um I heard the president on the news saying you were gonna be giving a report on this Watergate sideshow.
About that.
Uh that is sort of why I'm here.
Um you know, with-with everything that's been happening, um, we thought that is, Mo and I thought that That it might be best if If I explore other options.
You talked to Cox or anybody at the special prosecutor's office? Uh, no, sir.
Um, not yet.
I wanted to, uh I wanted to talk to you before we did, out of respect.
You wanted to shake my hand before you stab me in the back, is that it? The ship's going down, John.
And we can either get sucked down with it or be the first ones onto the dinghy.
You know I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding.
I-I lost my appetite for pomp and circumstance after my first marriage.
They say a good marriage is like a garden.
You have to give it attention and time, commitment.
But a good marriage will bore you to death.
The kind of marriage you want you're lucky and you're cursed there's nothing like it.
It's love.
It's hate.
I wasn't expecting you home so early.
Roosevelt booked up for the night? It's fire.
It's fear.
It's every feeling all at the same time.
Sometimes it'll feel like an open wound.
And other times you don't know if it's worth it at all.
I love you so much, I could claw my eyes out of my own head.
Good luck, son.
Let's hope you don't fuck it up.
Thank you, sir.
The committee called.
I'm gonna testify.

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