Get Smart (1965) s01e04 Episode Script

COME IN, CONTROL.
THIS IS SMART, MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86.
HELLO, CHIEF; MAX.
I'M STILL FOLLOWING THE DELIVERY TRUCK FROM BOWERS DEPARTMENT STORE.
I THINK HE'S MAKING HIS LAST DELIVERY NOW.
RIGHT, CHIEF.
- HE JUST MADE HIS DELIVERY.
- ( engine starts ) I'M GOING TO CHECK IT OUT.
ROGER.
I'M APPROACHING HOUSE NOW.
THERE ARE EIGHT STEPS.
MAKE THAT SEVEN.
( handle rattles ) CHIEF, I'M AFRAID I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK IN.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME, THE ADDRESS HERE IS 121 LINDEN STREET.
CHIEF, I THINK IS A FRONT.
( theme music playing ) ALL RIGHT, I GIVE UP.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING? HOW DO THEY DO IT? WHAT ARE THEY USING? WHAT'S THEIR TRICK? - THE ENEMY AGENTS? - YES, OF COURSE.
THE EUROPEAN KAOS AGENTS.
HOW ARE THEY SMUGGLING THAT INFORMATION OUT OF THE COUNTRY? IN MERCHANDISE FROM BOWERS DEPARTMENT STORE.
I KNOW THAT, HODGKINS, BUT IN WHAT MERCHANDISE? IT'S NOT IN ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES.
IT'S NOT IN FUR COATS.
IT'S NOT IN LEATHER GOODS.
PERHAPS OUR AGENTS PLANTED IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL US.
"PERHAPS," HODGKINS? I CAN'T ACCEPT PERHAPS.
OUR COUNTRY CAN'T ACCEPT PERHAPS.
WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SOME IDLE THREAT HERE.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PROJECT SKYBLAST.
THAT'S THE ARMY'S NEW ANTIMISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM.
OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS, BUT IT WON'T BE A DEFENSE SYSTEM ANY LONGER IF THE ENEMY KNOWS AS MUCH ABOUT IT AS WE DO.
IF WE DON'T STOP THEM FROM GETTING OUT THAT NEXT MESSAGE, HODGKINS, SKYBLAST GOES DOWN THE DRAIN.
- THAT WOULD BE EMBARRASSING.
- EMBARRASSING? IT WOULD BE DISASTROUS.
WHERE'S AGENT 86? WHAT'S HE DOING? OH, SMART, HE SHOULD BE AT THE DEPARTMENT STORE JUST ABOUT NOW.
ALL RIGHT, FANG, NOW LISTEN AND LISTEN CAREFULLY.
YOU GO OVER THERE BY THAT POST AND KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.
I'M GOING TO CONTACT AGENT 12.
- AGENT 12.
- YES, 86.
- ACT NATURAL.
- RIGHT.
- ANYTHING NEW TO REPORT? - BEEN OBSERVING SUSPECT - BELIEVED TO BE ENEMY COURIER.
- WHERE IS HE? DON'T LOOK NOW.
STANDING NEAR DOORWAY, WEARING PLAID COAT, CARRYING UMBRELLA.
JUST WENT TOWARD MEN'S CLOTHES.
GOOD.
I'D BETTER LEAVE NOW.
THIS MIGHT LOOK SUSPICIOUS.
AGENT 53.
I HAVE JUST CONTACTED AGENT 12.
HE SAYS THAT SUSPECT IN PLAID COAT JUST CAME THIS WAY.
WHICH WAY DID HE GO? GOOD, CARRY ON.
- 25? - OVER HERE, 86.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
SUSPECT IN PLAID COAT AND HAT JUST PASSED THIS WAY.
THAT'S RIGHT, 86.
SUSPECT JUST MOVED BEHIND PILLAR, SUSPECT IS CARRYING UMBRELLA.
MAY BE CARRYING INFORMATION RELATING TO ENEMY OPERATIONS.
I AM GOING TO TAKE SUSPECT NOW.
- HOW? - THE OLD SECRET FRISK METHOD.
HOORAY.
- EXCUSE ME, MADAM.
- WHAT'S GOING ON? IS THIS YOUR POCKET? SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A-- - OH, POLICE, POLICE, POLICE! - JUST-- JUST--JUST TAKE IT.
- POLICE, POLICE! - TAKE IT-- TAKE IT-- TAKE IT EASY.
THIS MAN TRIED TO STEAL MY PURSE.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I WAS TIED UP WITH SOME VERY IMPORTANT POLICE BUSINESS.
- NOT NOW.
- BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- THERE'S A MAN IN A PLAID COAT THAT'S BEEN-- - I KNOW, NOT NOW.
I THINK THEY'RE ONTO ME.
PERHAPS I CAN SHOW YOU SOMETHING - IN ONE OF OUR NEW PERFUMES, SIR.
- WHAT? CAN I BE OF SOME ASSISTANCE? I AM MR.
BUNNY, THE MANAGER OF THE STORE.
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT NEED SOME HELP.
- OH, MR.
BUNNY, I WAS JUST SHOWING THIS GENTLEMAN SOME OF OUR NEW PERFUMES.
HE EXPRESSED A SPECIAL INTEREST IN OUR NEW JASMINE.
I DID? OH, YES, YES, OF COURSE I DID.
YES, JASMINE IS REALLY AN INTRIGUING SCENT.
- YES.
- ( spray hisses ) OH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YES, WELL, IT'S QUITE LOVELY, BUT PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME.
I THINK I'LL JUST RUN ALONG NOW.
BUT YOU WILL COME BACK, AND THAT IS JASMINE.
YOU WON'T FORGET? JASMINE.
I WON'T FORGET.
WELL, GOODBYE, MR.
JASMINE.
- BUNNY.
- OH, YES, BUNNY.
I'M BEING FOLLOWED.
USE EMERGENCY TELEPHONE PLAN Z.
TO YOU.
USE EMERGENCY TELEPHONE PLAN Z.
- WHAT IS IT, MAX? - I FORGOT THE NUMBER, CHIEF.
IT'S KLONDIKE 5-9364.
GOT IT.
- KLONDIKE 5-- - NO, I KNOW THE NUMBER, CHIEF.
I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER DIME.
DO YOU HAVE CHANGE FOR A HALF? THAT'S ONLY 45¢.
- I'LL GET IT SOMEPLACE ELSE.
- KEEP IT, MAX.
I'LL OWE YOU THE NICKEL.
RIGHT.
( rings ) - YES.
- IS THAT YOU, CHIEF? OF COURSE IT'S ME.
WHAT IS IT YOU WANT, MAX? "JASMINE.
" WELL, THAT MEANS SHE'S IN TROUBLE.
SHALL WE MOVE IN ON THE STORE? NO, WE WANT TO GET ALL OF THEM WITH THAT TRANSMITTING DEVICE.
WE CAN'T ALLOW THEM TO GET OUT ONE MORE PIECE OF INFORMATION - ON PROJECT SKYBLAST.
- Right, Chief.
OH, ONE MORE THING.
I'VE GOT A LEAD ON A SUSPECT THAT I THINK YOU MIGHT REMEMBER FROM OUR FILE ON KNOWN KAOS AGENTS.
- CAN YOU DESCRIBE HIM? - WELL, I'LL TRY.
HE'S SHORT, HAS DARK HAIR, BROWN EYES, DARK SUIT, VICIOUS UGLY AND HE HAS DIMPLES.
BRILLIANT, MAX, I FEEL AS THOUGH I'M LOOKING RIGHT AT HIM.
YOU ARE.
- ANYTHING ELSE, MAX? - JUST TWO THINGS.
ONE, I'M GOING BACK TO THE STORE.
AND TWO, DON'T FORGET MY NICKEL.
WHAT ABOUT THE SUSPECT? OOH, YES, THE SUSPECT.
WELL, THAT'S ALL BEING TAKEN CARE OF, CHIEF.
YOU SEE, IT'S AN EXTENSION OF EMERGENCY TELEPHONE PLAN Z.
- AGENT 34 WILL HANDLE IT.
- GOOD.
PARDON ME.
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE YOUNG LADY WHO WAS AT THIS COUNTER EARLIER TODAY.
SHE WAS GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING IN NEW PERFUMES.
OH, I AM SORRY.
YOU ARE MISTAKEN.
NO ONE BUT ME HAS WORKED AT THIS COUNTER ALL DAY.
BUT ARE YOU SURE THERE WASN'T A YOUNG LADY WORKING HERE EARLIER? SHE WAS DEMONSTRATING A PERFUME CALLED JASMINE.
I AM POSITIVE.
PERHAPS IT WAS ANOTHER STORE.
OH, WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
UH, I'LL COME BACK LATER.
MAY I HELP YOU? PERHAPS IF YOU WOULD COME BACK NEXT WEEK WE WOULD HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU LIKE MUCH BETTER.
THE GIRL GOT AWAY FROM GORCHECK.
- ARE THE EXITS COVERED? - YES.
We know she has not left the store, and we have her gun.
IN A FEW MINUTES THE STORE WILL BE CLOSED FOR THE DAY.
WE CAN CONDUCT A COMPLETE SEARCH.
THERE WAS A MAN HERE A MOMENT AGO ASKING FOR HER.
HE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT JASMINE.
JASMINE-- THAT MUST BE THE ONE WHO WAS HERE BEFORE, the one Leopold was following.
WE MUST FIND HIM AND THE GIRL AT ONCE AND LIQUIDATE THEM BOTH.
I THINK THEY'RE ONTO US.
THOSE OTHER THREE CONTROL AGENTS HAVE BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.
NOW FIND THE MAN AND THE GIRL AND DESTROY THEM.
( blows ) FANG, 99 IS IN DANGER.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND HER BEFORE KAOS DOES.
NOW HERE'S HER GLOVE.
TAKE A SNIFF.
NO, FANG, GIVE IT BACK.
GIVE IT BACK.
OKAY, NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
Man on PA: The store will be closed in five minutes.
- 86.
- FANG, COME OVER HERE.
COME ON.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, 99? NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE, MAX, AND YOU TOO, FANG.
OH, MAX, I'VE DISCOVERED THEIR SECRET TRANSMITTING DEVICE.
- OH, GOOD, WHAT IS IT? - THIS.
WATCH.
Girl's voice: Hello, my name is Polly Dolly.
I can talk.
I can say many things.
Please feed me.
Now burp me.
WHY, THAT'S FANTASTIC.
WHAT IS SHE TRYING TO TELL US? WELL, THIS IS THE RECORDING THAT COMES WITH THE DOLL NORMALLY.
BUT MR.
BUNNY SWITCHES TAPE CARTRIDGES FROM SPECIALLY MARKED DOLLS WITH NEW CARTRIDGES CONTAINING THE STOLEN INFORMATION.
THEN THE SPECIAL DOLLS ARE JUST SENT OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
OF COURSE.
AMAZING.
WE'VE GOTTA GET THIS INFORMATION TO CONTROL RIGHT AWAY.
RIGHT.
I'VE BEEN GETTING OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE AND CHANNEL PROBLEMS ON THIS THING.
HELLO, CONTROL, THIS IS 86.
I HAVE VITAL INFORMATION FOR YOU.
COME IN, CONTROL.
- ( static whines ) - YEAH, NOW GET UP.
( shouting ) ( gunfire ) JUST AS I THOUGHT.
I'M GETTING AN OUTSIDE CHANNEL.
TRY AND FIND OUR WAY OUT OF ONE OF THE EXITS.
Mr.
Bunny: The store is now closed.
YOU CANNOT ESCAPE.
WE HAVE LOCKED EVERY DOOR.
I HAVE MEN STATIONED AT EVERY EXIT.
Give yourselves up.
Repeat-- give yourselves up.
WELL, THAT DOES IT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT OUR WAY OUT.
WELL, WHAT IF WE DON'T MAKE IT? WE'VE GOTTA GET THIS INFORMATION BACK TO CONTROL.
- I HAVE AN IDEA.
- WHAT? FOR THE LAST TIME, GIVE YOURSELVES UP.
THERE'S NO ONE IN THE SPORTS SECTION AND NOTHING IN LINGERIE.
KNOWLEDGE OF THE DOLL TRANSMITTER MUST NOT PASS INTO THE HANDS OF CONTROL.
I GIVE YOU FIVE MINUTES TO FIND THE GIRL.
WE MUST FIND HER.
HE WILL LIQUIDATE US! THIS VENT IS TOO SMALL FOR EITHER ME OR YOU TO GET THROUGH, 99.
FANG'S THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO IT.
FANG, YOU'VE GOTTA TAKE THIS DOLL - AND GET IT TO THE CHIEF.
- TRY IT, FANG.
HERE, TRY IT AGAIN, BOY.
FANG, LIKE THIS.
COME ON, GO GET IT, FANG.
GOOD BOY, FANG.
OKAY, THE INFORMATION'S ON ITS WAY.
NOW WHAT, MAX? - WELL, I'VE GOT TO FIND ANOTHER WAY OUT OF HERE.
- RIGHT.
- YOU STAY HERE.
- NO, I WANNA GO WITH YOU.
BUT YOU'LL BE SAFE HERE.
OH, MAX.
BEFORE YOU GO, I JUST WANT REMEMBER, COMPLETE SILENCE.
( notes play ) GORCHECK, THEY'RE IN THE MUSIC SECTION.
WE WILL GET THEM.
OH, MAX, THERE'S TOO MUCH LIGHT.
THEY'LL SEE US FOR SURE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT.
( glass shattering ) GOOD SHOOTING, 86.
LOOK, THERE'S ONE MORE.
- ( click ) - I'M ALL OUT OF BULLETS.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE LIGHT SWITCH? - OF COURSE.
THE LIGHT SWITCH! - GOOD THINKING.
THERE THEY GO, GORCHECK.
- ( whines ) - WHAT IS IT, K-13? VERY, VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.
Max's voice: Chief, this is Maxwell Smart, Agent 86.
The spies have been using these dolls to transmit stolen information by substituting their own tape cartridges.
99 and I are at the store, and it looks like we're in for it.
HODGKINS, I WANT EVERY AVAILABLE AGENT READY TO MOVE OUT ON THE DOUBLE.
That's it, Chief.
Girl's voice: Now burp me.
SHH! IT'S MR.
BUNNY.
FINGERS CROSSED.
I'M GOING TO TRY A BIG BLUFF.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T ANYBODY MOVE.
IF I GO, YOUR BOSS GOES WITH ME.
SO THERE YOU ARE.
I'M CURIOUS TO KNOW THE NAME OF THE MAN WHO HAS PLACED OUR MAGNIFICENT PLAN IN JEOPARDY.
SMART, MAXWELL SMART.
OH, THE FAMOUS MAXWELL SMART.
I AM CONRAD BUNNY.
OH, YES, OF COURSE.
THE INFAMOUS HERR BUNNY.
- DO YOU KNOW 99? - NOT OFFICIALLY.
THE INFAMOUS CONRAD BUNNY.
- BUNNY, 99.
- HOW DO YOU DO? PLEASED TO MAKE YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, FRAULEIN.
OH, WE CAN USE MR.
BUNNY TO GET US OUT OF HERE.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, - I'D LIKE TO HANDLE THIS MYSELF.
- RIGHT.
MR.
BUNNY, WE'RE GOING TO USE YOU TO GET US OUT OF HERE.
YOU ARE GOING NO PLACE, MR.
SMART.
I AM SIMPLY AMUSING MYSELF AT YOUR EXPENSE.
I KNOW YOUR GUN IS EMPTY.
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BET YOUR LIFE ON IT? I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T BET, MR.
BUNNY, BECAUSE YOU SEE, YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE BEEN RIGHT.
THIS GUN IS EMPTY.
BUT I HAVE ANOTHER GUN.
ANOTHER BLUFF, MR.
SMART? GET THEM! THEY ARE UNARMED.
GORCHECK, FRIEDA, WHERE ARE YOU? COME HELP ME FIND MY MONOCLE.
OH, I AM HELPLESS WITHOUT MY MONOCLE.
- FIND IT, FIND IT! - ( crunch ) - WHAT WAS THAT? - I FOUND IT.
DON'T JUST STAND THERE, YOU FOOLS.
GO AND LOOK FOR THEM! OH, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE IN BIG TROUBLE, MAX.
I KNOW.
I'M OUT OF WATER.
( footsteps approaching ) OH, THEY MISSED US, BUT IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL THEY FIND US HERE.
I THINK OUR BEST PLAN IS TO TRY TO GET BACK TO THE MUSIC SECTION AND SEE IF WE CAN SNEAK THROUGH THE VENT.
WHAT IF THEY SPOT US? WELL, THEN MY PLAN IS THIS-- I'LL ACT AS DECOY, LEAD THEM IN ONE DIRECTION, AND YOU GO THROUGH THE VENT.
OH, MAX, WHAT ABOUT YOU? THEY'VE GOT GUNS.
WELL, IF I DON'T MAKE IT, 99, - I WANT YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.
- WHAT IS IT, MAX? THE CHIEF OWES ME A NICKEL.
I'D LIKE YOU TO HAVE IT.
- OH, MAX.
- SHH! NOW'S OUR CHANCE.
UNLESS I MISS MY GUESS, THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE.
- ( bullet ricochets ) - ( 99 screams ) OKAY, 99, YOUR TURN TO GUESS.
MAX, LOOK OUT! IF ONLY THESE THINGS WOULD WORK.
- HEY! - WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? USE YOUR GUN! PICK UP YOUR PISTOL.
SHOOT, SHOOT! KEEP FIRING, 99.
I THINK WE GOT 'EM! STAND UP, YOU COWARDS! SHOOT, SHOOT! "DESTRUCTO, THE TOY MANUFACTURER'S ULTIMATE WEAPON.
" THEY ARE USING DESTRUCTO! ( explosion ) MAX! YOU WERE WONDERFUL.
NO, 99, THE REAL CREDIT BELONGS TO THESE TOYS.
AFTER ALL, WE HAD AT OUR DISPOSAL EVERY FIENDISH AND DESTRUCTIVE PLAYTHING EVER DEVISED FOR THE PLEASURE OF LITTLE CHILDREN.
THOSE POOR DEVILS, ALL THEY HAD WERE REAL GUNS AND BULLETS.
YOU DID A FINE JOB, MAX.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S TAKE THEM IN.
AFTER YOU, HERR BUNNY.
- WATCH OUT, MAX! - NO ONE MOVE! DON'T BE A FOOL, HERR BUNNY.
YOU CAN'T GET OUT OF HERE.
I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO ESCAPE, MR.
SMART, BUT AT LEAST I CAN TAKE ONE OF YOU WITH ME.
- WHICH SHALL IT BE? - Max: LEAVE THE GIRL OUT OF THIS.
NO, MAX, YOU'RE MORE IMPORTANT.
- IF YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT SOMEONE, SHOOT ME.
- DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO HER.
EVEN A RAT LIKE YOU COULDN'T SHOOT DOWN A GIRL IN COLD BLOOD.
THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW, MR.
SMART.
- I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS MOMENT FOREVER.
- NO! - ( gunshot ) - OH, MAX! ( theme music playing )