Ghosts (2021) s02e12 Episode Script

1
It's time we finally discuss
our little Christmas dalliance.
Yeah.
I was thinking about that, too.
It can never happen
again. And it is imperative
that not another soul ever find out.
I mean, it would be
just humiliating.
Right.
Well, just so you know,
I also thought it was a huge mistake.
Maybe even a bigger
mistake than you did.
Although
sitting across from you now,
no one else around, I
do find myself thinking
perhaps we could succumb to
one final act of passion.
Really?
No, not really.
I was joking!
Wasn't turned on at all.
My friend,
that lie would be a lot easier
to sell with some pants on.
That's involuntary!
Don't read into it!
Damn you.
Who are all these colorfully
dressed middle-aged people?
They're guests. It's
a big weekend up here.
The Ulster County Jam Fest.
Celebrating local jams
and well-known jam bands.
What's a jam band?
They play long improvisational grooves.
Which are really good if you're on acid.
What if you're not on acid?
No idea.
Babe,
Freddie overhauled the
entire booking system.
This guy is a computer whiz.
Aw, I just did some
simple back-end coding.
Basically, the website now
stops accepting reservations
once we've reached capacity.
Oh, that's so smart!
Yeah. And he installed a security cam
to keep an eye on
employees at the front desk.
But you're our only employee.
Yeah. Well, I got to keep myself honest.
This guy!
Security camera?
That's creepy. I don't
want to be watched.
Flower, you're invisible.
Oh, yeah. That would've come in handy
when I robbed that bank.
- Did I ever tell you about that?
- Yeah.
Freddie, I can't tell
you how much we appreciate
all the work you've been doing.
I honestly don't know how we
ever got along without you.
Don't compliment the help.
In order to perform at their best,
they must be kept hungry and afraid.
I'm just so happy to
be part of the team.
Frankly, I think my girlfriend's
getting a little sick of hearing
how much I love this job.
Oh! How long have you guys been dating?
Now you're asking
about his personal life?
He'll think you care about him.
That's not the message you want to send.
Uh, we've been together
for a couple years now.
We did the whole long-distance thing
until I moved back from the city.
And leave it at that.
- No follow-up necessary.
- And how's that going?
Oh, now you're just purposely
trying to antagonize me.
Okay, favorite savory smell.
Easy. French fries.
Oh, man, you're so lucky you've
gotten to eat all this stuff.
- Yeah.
- What were French fries like?
Salty, crispy, totally delicious.
- Wow.
- I used to get them every night after bar close.
I'd just take off my heels and
walk through the drive-through.
Mm, everyone hated that.
You are so cool.
Stop it.
What's your favorite sweet smell?
Uh
you smell pretty sweet.
You're bad.
I guess Freddie's done for the day.
Yeah, this is one of the downsides
to being a car ghost,
is that I'm sort of at
the mercy of his schedule.
Heard it from a friend who ♪
- And his playlists!
- Heard it from a friend who ♪
Heard it from another
you'd been messin' around ♪
- Yes, let's pick this up tomorrow?
- Yeah.
They say you got a boyfriend ♪
Seriously? Every time?
- Yep.
- That's ridiculous.
What's going on?
Freddie's complaining
that his girlfriend
doesn't refill the Brita when she
puts it back in the refrigerator.
Ah. What's a Brita?
It's a pitcher that filters water.
Modernity's obsession
with clean drinking water.
What's everybody so afraid of?
I don't know, dysentery?
Oh. Right.
Yes, the thing that
killed me. Sure, sure.
Would you like my advice about
the whole Brita situation?
Yeah, I'd love that.
Samantha, a word, if I may?
And I will give it to
you in just a minute.
I'm gonna make a snack.
I'm suddenly famished.
Ooh, I'll whip something up for ya.
I know you don't want
me treating the assistant
with basic human decency,
but I just disagree.
Samantha, when it comes to
handling household staff,
I know of what I speak.
So you must trust me when I tell you
that nothing good can
come from getting enmeshed
in this young man's personal affairs.
Hetty, things have
changed since your day.
People want an employer
who cares about them.
Okay, I didn't want to have to
do this, but I'm forbidding you
from delving deeper into
Freddie's personal life.
There! You're forbidden.
Boy, she is bossy.
She can be a taskmaster.
- What?
- Nothing.
All right. Just a quick cheese plate
with crackers, apples and honeycomb.
My God, he was gone for 20 seconds.
Now, what were you thinking
about how I should handle
this whole Brita situation?
- Well
- Bzz.
I was thinking
Don't you do it, young lady.
that you shouldn't just ignore it.
If something is bothering
you, you should be able
to talk to your partner about it.
That is it.
Your inheritance is
going to your cousin.
What are you talking about?
I really don't know!
It's so hard to discipline
from beyond the grave.
So, how is it going with landship ghost?
You two spending much time together.
Yeah, give us the scoop, Sass.
Okay, it's not a big deal,
but we kind of kissed.
Not a big deal? That's huge!
Especially for you.
I mean, you marked a tree
when a girl said hi to you.
What are you gonna do
now, write a rock opera?
Okay, it's totally a big deal.
Oh, she's really cool.
And she has all these great stories
from living life on the road.
I loved my days on the road.
Back when I was on tour.
Ooh, a new city every night.
Made it pretty easy
to see different guys,
if you know what I mean.
No. What do you mean?
I'm just saying, they didn't
have to know about each other.
The road is freedom.
Do you think Jessica could be
hooking up with different ghosts?
Oops.
I hadn't even thought about that.
Oh, my God. I mean
yeah, she's parked every night
outside Freddie's apartment.
And who knows what could be
going on over there and
Well, one good thing is she has
so many opportunities
for sexual fulfillment.
All the responsibility
won't just fall to you.
Yeah, I'm not sure that's helping, girl.
Sam, I need some help out here.
That's for the cab, yeah.
Yes, sir. I'll have to
call you back. Thank you.
- Where's Freddie?
- I don't know.
Oh, I assumed you were together,
braiding one another's hair.
Sorry I'm late,
didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
He looks like Hamilton after
a night at the whorehouse.
Which he frequented.
No songs in the musical about that.
- Everything all right?
- Not really.
I talked to Beth about the
Brita thing, like you said to.
She didn't take it very well.
Seems like it's heading in an
unfortunate direction for you.
It escalated into this
huge fight, and then
she broke up with me.
Oh, no, Freddie. I'm so sorry.
So he lost the love of his life.
The important thing is his
employer cares about him.
I got it.
No! Let me.
Woodstone B and B.
How may I help you?
Reservation for Valentine's Day?
And you sure you want to
book that far in advance?
This isn't good.
Because sometimes,
you think your relationship is perfect,
but then your girlfriend dumps you
and takes the Brita
and now you're alone and
now your water tastes weird.
Excuse me.
Babe, I think you broke Freddie.
In retrospect, yeah,
probably should've taken a cab
- to the bottomless mimosa brunch.
- Yeah.
Well, you live and you learn, right?
Or, I guess just learn.
Hey, so Freddie's
place. What's that like?
- What?
- You know, where you're parked every night.
All night. Is it fun?
Any cool ghosts live there?
Yeah, it's okay.
It's mostly just me and this guy, Roger.
Oh, yeah? What's, uh, Roger like?
Super old, die of natural causes?
No, he was a leatherhead
football player,
back in the day.
- Died running into a goalpost.
- Oh
And he's just absolutely ripped.
- Oh, that's
- Yeah.
- cool.
- He's really funny, too.
He said this thing to me the other day.
He was all like
I can't, I-I don't know.
You just had to be there.
Right, right, right,
but but I'm not there.
I'm here.
Uh. So he's big and funny, huh?
Mm-hmm. But also sensitive.
And oddly smart, which
is surprising, you know,
for someone who played
football and modeled.
We have a hamster together.
I mean, what happens to Bubbles?
Freddie, if you don't feel up
to working today, it's okay.
We understand.
Yes, reward this poor showing.
That'll set him straight.
Here, have a glass of water.
It'll make you feel better.
I fear water may be a sore subject.
Oh, God, if only we'd drank tap
none of this would have happened.
Okay, we need eyes on this Beth chick.
I mean, he's really sad,
so there's a chance she's super hot.
I think I just need
to be alone for a bit.
Indeed, and we'll go watch you wallow.
He's gonna pull up pictures, I know it.
Well, this is exactly what
I was afraid would happen.
You have now ruined your employee.
I think you're being a little dramatic.
I'm just worried about Bubbles.
He's living in a broken home, now.
He's a hamster of divorce.
Samantha, you made a mistake
by treating Freddie
with basic human decency.
But you needn't compound
it by continuing to do so.
His girlfriend just dumped him.
It doesn't matter if
his girlfriend dumped him
or his right arm was torn
off in an iron foundry.
You need to tell him to stop whining
and put that stump to work.
That sounded like a
disturbingly real example.
I'm done listening to this.
He couldn't handle a simple phone call,
and that's not that difficult.
- I've done it.
- They had phones back in your day?
Not many.
In fact, we had the
only one for 300 miles.
We had no one to call,
but we had bragging rights.
Oh, the letters I would send
boasting about our telephone.
I need you.
Well, look who comes crawling back
Not like that.
I need you to do something for me
on Samantha's computer.
Her assistant has become
a blubbering liability,
- and she refuses to do anything about it.
- Okay. So, what do we do?
We intervene.
And create a scenario so egregious
she has no choice but to
become the boss she needs to be
and come down on him once and for all.
You were a really
tough boss, weren't you?
I could be hard on a
man when they needed it.
Okay, right there.
I feel like you're
trying to be provocative.
Oh, stop reading into
everything, you dirty little boy.
Okay, come on! That time for sure.
So now Freddie's
girlfriend kicked him out
and he's living at his mom's house.
Oh, so that means you
won't get to see your buddy,
the football model, anymore.
Unless they get back together, yeah.
That is tough.
It's okay, though.
There is this one
other really cool ghost
that haunts the mom's
house, so that's nice.
Oh, neat. Uh, what's her name?
His name is Chad.
And he also died in a
car-related incident.
He was doing a charity
car wash for his firehouse.
And then he got hit by a
driver who got distracted
by his washboard abs.
Oh, come on!
Wait, what's going on here?
- Are you jealous?
- What? No!
Why? Should I be? Is
there something going on?
Okay, you know, I really
don't like this side of you.
Freddie and I have been
listening to podcasts
about toxic relationships
and I'm starting to see some signs.
Well, what do you expect?
You're hanging out with
model football players
and guys so hot people
are mowing them down.
You're out there on the
road, living that road life.
- What?
- I know about road life.
Okay? I know all about it.
I'd like you to leave my RAV4.
Oh, I'm going.
- I can't believe how packed we are this week.
- I know, right?
Full capacity. I never
thought we'd see the day.
Hey, just checking in.
It should be under Kubena.
Here we go.
Uh, there must be some
sort of some mistake.
We're fully booked this weekend.
Oh, no, absolutely not.
We have a confirmation.
All thanks to your
magic fingers, Trevor.
- Not the first time you've said that.
- You shut up.
Ah. Here it is.
Oh, I see. Oh, okay.
Well, we'll clear that right up.
Um, where's Freddie?
He's in the library, making a collage
out of construction paper and
photographs to give to Beth.
A surefire way to win her back.
Good move, kid.
Freddie!
Yes?
Uh, there seems to be a little issue
with the reservation system.
We may have double-booked a room.
Um, that's not possible.
Oh, did someone make a critical error
whilst in the midst of
an emotional breakdown?
We have a reservation.
Hey-hey, friends.
Take it easy. This weekend is about
good jams and good jams and good vibes.
It says here we have the
Maple Suite for two nights.
What the hell? That's my room.
- You calling my wife a liar?
- Hi, I'm checking in.
I have a reservation
for the Maple Suite.
Get in line, dude!
This is like how people fought
over toilets at Woodstock.
Everyone loves sharing
until they have to poop.
The system isn't supposed to allow this.
It's taking on a mind of its own,
like Joshua in WarGames.
Freddie, you got to stop
saying things that make me like you
'cause I'm starting to
get annoyed right now.
I don't know how this happened!
Samantha, he's making a fool of you
and ruining your business.
We demand a room right now.
I want to shower and nap
before String Cheese Incident.
Okay, I'm so sorry.
Uh, we have a new employee
and there seems to be
some sort of mix-up.
Every place within 30
miles of here is booked.
My mom has a spare bedroom.
They don't want to stay at
your mom's place, Freddie.
- It has a Murphy bed.
- I don't care.
Yes, that's it, feel the
anger coursing through you.
Why are you getting mad
at me? This isn't my fault.
Well, then, whose fault is it?
Well, since Beth broke up with me
Oh, get over it, Freddie.
Things happen in people's lives.
Finish him.
I didn't tell you this,
but she took the hamster.
- She got Bubbles.
- Oh, my God.
Buy another hamster.
They're all the same.
He was a really special rodent.
That's not our problem.
You messed up the whole
reservation system.
I thought you were a nice boss.
And I thought you were a good employee.
You're right. I am a bad employee.
- Ooh, Freddie
- No. I don't deserve to work here.
I quit.
Oh, that was better than cocaine.
You yelled at Freddie and he quit?
Sasappis, do not guilt Samantha.
She did the right thing.
My girlfriend lives in his car.
Yeah, she live in landship.
He just said car. You
can't repeat "car"?
It's like you don't want to learn.
Thor don't like your hat.
I'm sorry, Sass.
I liked Freddie, but he
made a really big mistake.
This is so unfair.
You guys are the worst Livings.
I wish I could slam a door!
- That's interesting.
- What is?
Well, I can see when changes were made
to the reservation system
and someone changed
the maximum occupancy
at 9:38 last night.
- But Freddie wasn't here that late.
- I know.
Well, why dwell in the past?
I think we should all focus
on this car commercial.
- Yah, cool landship.
- Oh, my God.
Yeah, somebody changed
the maximum number of rooms
from four to
sixty-nine.
Hetty made me do it.
You spineless coward!
- Dammit, Trevor.
- Yeah, Trev-dog, you had to know
that this would lead back to you.
It is the best joke.
I will not apologize.
Hetty, why would you do this?
You refused to take action.
I had to create a situation
that would force your hand.
Freddie was on a downward spiral
and he was gonna take you with him.
If anything, you should be thanking me.
"Freddie" also made a reservation for
Mr. and Mrs. Seymour Butts.
Oh, come on. That's objectively funny.
- Hey, roomie.
- Pete, I'm really not in the mood right now.
Oh.
I'm sorry, is it 1971
and are you Carol on our wedding night?
Oh, in retrospect, the signs were there.
What do you want?
Uh, I wanted to tell you
that Jay and Sam are gonna
try to hire Freddie back.
It doesn't matter.
I already blew it with Jessica.
I got super jealous
and she got really mad.
Hmm, I see.
- You want some advice?
- From you? About women?
I-I mean, sure.
You know how you can tell 100%
if someone's cheating on you?
You can't.
That's the thing about relationships.
You know? You you have to trust.
Now, in my case, the
trust wasn't warranted,
but the alternative is
to let paranoia take over
and ruin what could be a good thing.
That actually makes a lot of sense.
Thanks, Pete.
Anytime, roomie.
Hey, did your wife really
not want to have sex
on your wedding night?
It was a long day.
- We had cake.
- Okay.
- It was hot out.
- We don't have to talk about it.
We had cake!
Samantha, may I have a moment?
No, I don't want to talk to you.
You sabotaged my business, all to get me
to yell at that poor kid
who did nothing wrong.
I was trying to impart what
I believed to be wisdom.
We just had to beg Freddie to come back.
This place was jammed
with angry jam-jam fans.
The-the point is, you went way too far.
Hetty, what were you thinking?
I was not the best mother.
I delegated the care and
raising of my children to others.
And I missed out on being
a part of their lives.
And then, after my death,
I had to watch my children
become adults in this house.
Unable to help them.
To give advice
to guide them.
Mother, what do you think I should do?
Should I marry this
girl? Is she the one?
No, she is a money-grubbing harlot.
Her family is landless and striving.
- Just give me a sign. Any sign.
- On it.
Whoa.
Okay, I will marry her.
No!
Thomas!
What the hell, Thorfinn?
I was doing sign for "no."
But can see where confusing.
D'you think?
I have watched generations of Woodstones
make mistakes in this house.
But then, after 100
years, a miracle happened.
You fell down those stairs,
and I was given a second chance.
To be heard.
You know, my mom used
to point out my mistakes.
A lot.
We would get into these huge fights
and I would do the
opposite of what she said.
And because of that I
I probably missed out
on some good advice.
Well, maybe this is a
second chance for both of us.
That's a nice way to think of it.
So, you'll agree to always
listen to me from now on?
Only if you agree to let
me make my own mistakes
when I disagree, because
sometimes they're not mistakes
and I know what I'm talking about.
In retrospect, I can see that you were
slightly more in tune with
the fragile constitution
- of the modern worker.
- Thank you.
But also, for what it's worth,
you seemed to be quite at home
disciplining that young man.
I mean, you really laid into him.
It felt so good.
There are those Woodstone genes.
You know, I actually
wanted to strangle him.
Ooh
That's probably frowned upon these days.
Huh. And they call that progress.
Hey, you got a sec?
Well, I was gonna walk to
the other side of the car,
but I guess I can do that later.
Look, I'm sorry.
I know I'm 500 years
old, but I'm, ironically,
kind of new to all this dating stuff.
If you think mentioning
that you're super old
is feeding into my daddy
issues right now, then
you're right.
It is. I like it. It's super hot.
The thing is, I got jealous.
But that's my problem. Not yours.
Okay, well, for what it's worth,
I'm not hooking up with other ghosts.
Really? I mean, thank
you for saying that.
I I trust you.
Aw
Come here, you big cutie.
Cool.
What did Beth think of the collage?
Oh, I don't know, I
haven't heard back yet.
Oh, you will.
But a collage well
done is its own reward.
- Anyway, we're just glad to have you back.
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm glad to be back.
It is crazy, though.
I mean, I checked the security footage
and no one even approached
the laptop at 9:38.
So weird, right?
That's spooky.
It is spooky.
Huh.
That's odd.
The keys are clicking themselves.
Yeah, he's gonna have
questions about that.