Gilmore Girls s03e14 Episode Script
Swan Song
And then she just brushed me off with a wave of her regal hand.
Not even a word, just a like Im her cabana boy.
Next thing you know, instead of just walking out of the room, shell make me bow and back out.
Imperious attitude, she never gives it a rest.
I schlepped her to the doctor the other day - by command, not request and the elevator operator there greeted us nice and friendly.
Her doctors on the second floor and by the time we got there, that operator was in tears.
What? Mom, you just did twenty straight minutes on Gran.
It wasnt twenty minutes.
It was getting there.
How about a moratorium on the Gran stories for a bit? Fine.
Id rather not spoil the meal with talk of her.
Good.
I should just wash my hands.
Well wait.
I mean of her.
Oh, good, wash those hands.
She sucks her olive pits.
Short moratorium.
Trying to extract every last ounce of flavor out of them like she does people.
She sucks flavor out of people? Can we change the subject? Life, not flavor.
Hey, you know what Gran needs? - What? - A fella.
With or without an umbrella.
Hed have to look like an olive pit to get her attention.
Its like a Dean Martin Roast.
Those are never funny to me.
Yeah, theyre mean.
- Except for Don Rickles.
- Totally except for Rickles.
I think she did have a man for a time squiring her around to her biddy affairs.
Richard thought so, too, and it horrified him.
Didnt want a new Daddy, huh? And then he seemed suddenly out of the picture.
So Great Grandma never talked about him? Never.
Even though I could tell practically the day she stopped seeing him.
Those kinds of things are always obvious.
Yeah, I guess.
When a couple is in a relationship and then suddenly isnt.
Right.
Right.
Is she still looking? Yup.
Right.
You know, Grandma, did I mention that unfortunately Im not with Dean anymore? - No, you didnt.
- Well, Im not.
Well, yes, Ive known for weeks actually.
But its good that you confirmed it.
How did you know? You very abruptly stopped mentioning him eleven dinners ago, so I figured that was the case.
Eleven dinners, you kept count? - Eleven.
- Eleven.
Im sorry I didnt tell you Grandma.
I think you should have.
I mean, what if I had invited Dean to an event and you were no longer with him, and thats how I found out? It wouldve been embarrassing.
What sort of event would you have invited Dean to? I dont know, a wedding.
For who? A mutual friend or something.
You and Dean have mutual friends in common that Rory and I dont? Who would that be, the Talbotts or that senior partner at Deloite and Touche? You know what I meant.
Its always best to tell each other major life events so that theres no awkwardness.
Then, Grandma, I probably also failed to mention that Im seeing someone else.
- Who? - Jess.
- Jess? - Lukes nephew.
Luke from the diner.
Oh, I see.
Well, am I going to get to meet him soon? Oh, I dont know.
Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
How hard can it be? Just bring him over for dinner sometime.
How about next Friday? Oh, I dont know.
Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
Its perfect timing.
Richard will still be out of town and it would be nice to round off the group with a fourth.
He works Fridays, doesnt he? Yeah, thats his usual night.
Friday night.
Its a bad night.
Oh, okay.
I suppose Ill eventually meet him someday at some function.
Perhaps a wedding.
Or Rorys graduation.
Thats good.
That way well all get to meet him at once.
Myself, Richard, Gran.
Maybe Ill bring a couple of girls from the DAR.
Reverend Mahoney might like to come also.
You know what, Grandma, now that I think about it, I think Jess does have next Friday night off.
Really? Lets make it a foursome.
Thatll be nice.
Yeah, it will be nice, right Grandma? Very nice.
Well have lamb.
So, it will be nice for everybody? Everybody will be nice to everybody? - The key word being nice.
- Yes, very nice.
Really, really nice? Of course itll be nice.
Thats what I just said.
Good.
Nice would be nice.
And a nice night itll be.
Well, not so nice for the lamb.
Okay, Saturday morning Ive got hair appointment, nails, and Jim.
You dont go to the gym.
No, Jim is coming here to fix the garbage disposal.
Jim Dunning, got it.
- I also have resha plebisham.
- What? I dont know, I cant read it.
Shouldnt you change your system, go electronic or something? - Youre a busy woman.
- Hey, my system works.
Yeah, tell that to the guy who calls tomorrow because you missed your resha plebisham appointment.
I hate that we have to coordinate schedules.
Youre my daughter.
But if we dont, we may never see each other.
We didnt use to have to do this.
Were busier now.
Lets just run away together and leave all this behind.
You mean our house? No, well take the house, well leave everything else.
Put it on your list.
So whats your day like tomorrow? Hanging out with Jess for most of the day, studying at night.
Cool.
Alex and I are having dinner tomorrow night.
Good.
Thatll make it nice and quiet for when I study.
Im that loud? You are when you dance around singing Rorys Studying songs.
Oh, whats this I have down for Sunday slatha bang trafficking? Lanes band practicing.
And underneath it net fracks? - Get snacks.
- Right, for the band.
See, see, it works.
So, youre actually bringing Jess to dinner on Friday? Its as good a time as any.
Therell only be one grandparent to contend with.
Man, that was some stealthy little maneuver she pulled there, huh? Applying the guilt over not knowing about the Dean breakup and making you all weak, and then using that to get Jess to come to dinner on Friday.
Shes like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate, effortless.
So, Sundays for us, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have you down right here Cokie.
Good.
Hey, its still early.
Do you wanna watch more of the extra supplementary stuff on the Lord of the Rings DVD? Its just the drawings and that fat guy talking.
- Lets watch Footloose again.
- Yeah.
Hey, you dropped some of your notes.
Oh, who cares? You cant read em anyway.
- Do you love it? - Its great.
The Holy Barbarians.
I mean, what a title.
And its by a Venice Beach beatnik about Venice Beach beatniks, and to top it off, the beatnik who wrote it is the father of the guy that does those Actors Studio interviews on TV.
- The guy with the beard? - Yeah, the pointy beard.
Thats his dad writing at his desk.
Oh, its weird that a weird beatnik-y guy would have a conservative son like that.
Maybe hes not that conservative.
Maybe at night, he, like, takes off his clothes and parties.
Aw, man, now get that picture out of my head.
Its a cool book, youve gotta admit.
It is.
Thanks.
Oh, Im not lending it.
Im not done.
Whyd you show it to me? I like showing you the stuff Im reading.
But you knew Id wanna read it.
- Youre a book tease.
- Youll get it when Im done.
Cruel woman.
So, are you going to work now? Back to the salt mines.
So, youre not tied to the hours you have, right? You can trade if you want to.
Theres some flexibility.
You got any flexibility next Friday night? Yeah, why? I thought maybe you could come to dinner with us.
- Us? - To my Grandmas.
To meet your grandmother.
Yeah, shell be there, so yeah, it might be rude not to introduce the two of you.
I cant, I gotta work.
You just said you could get out.
I didnt know what for.
- Jess.
- No.
- But I already kind of agreed.
- Aw, man.
So Im kinda jammed here.
- Does she know what I look like? - I dont think so.
Perfect.
Find someone who vaguely resembles me.
Take him.
Just dont kiss him goodnight.
Thats not going to work.
Andy Warhol did it all the time.
Were just five bucks away from a deal.
Thats worth five at least.
You Gilmores think a lot of yourselves.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Manipulator.
- Rory, get in here.
- What? Get in here now.
No questions.
Okay, now, for those who just arrived, Im trying out some material for my one-woman show and I need some feedback.
You are my randomly picked audience.
Randomly shang-haied.
Its part stories, part songs.
Kind of like what Elaine Stritch did on Broadway, but without the bitterness.
My working title "Buckle Up, Im Patty.
" How long have you been here? - An hour.
- Poor thing.
Its been mostly her and Kirk arguing about stuff.
Apparently, hes the director.
Patty, lets try one of your reminisces.
Thats what Im looking for, Kirk.
Sorry I didnt save you.
I didnt see you until it was too late.
I dont think anybody couldve saved me.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, did you know that I once met the great Bette Davis? I was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of "Guys and Dolls.
" Beantown, I love that town.
And there I was, me and the girls backstage after the show, and in she comes.
And who does she walk right up to, but little old me.
And she sized me up, exhaled some smoke from that regal mouth of hers, and said, "Doll, you dont got the high notes but you sure got the gams.
" Ill always treasure that moment with Bette and I wanna dedicate this song to her.
Ethel, key a D.
Were gonna have to rewrite that.
What? It got no response.
It needs a rewrite.
Kirk, its my reminiscence.
I cant rewrite it.
How about if she says, "Doll, youve got the gams, but Ive got a body in the trunk of my car.
" Why would she say that? Because shes a murderer.
I think it works.
Im not rewriting my memories, Kirk.
It died.
Build a coffin for it, put some pennies on its eyes cause that stiff aint breathing.
I think that we should discuss this later, now go back to your light booth.
Fine, start the song.
Its a quarter of three, there is no one in the place, except you and me.
Kirk, would you fix this? Fix what? This flashing.
Thats my choice for the song.
Its disco.
Im trying to subvert expectations.
Well, dont.
Just give me a simple spot.
Something more obvious, got it.
- This is a hit.
- Itll run for years.
Something on the nose and expected, got it.
Kirk! It was nice of you to step in like that.
Well, she couldve hurt herself trying to throw the podium at him like that.
I think "work in progress" is the key phrase.
I like that she tries.
The woman taught me everything Ive already forgotten about dancing, baton twirling and gymnastics.
- Well, Im this way.
- Im this way.
- See you later.
- See ya.
You know, I kind of liked the body in the trunk thing.
Me, too.
Peppier.
- Night.
- Night.
Oh, sorry.
- Its okay.
- Its okay.
I can just shut the door so you can carry on.
No, weve carried on enough.
Yeah, I think weve carried on pretty good out here.
- Ill call you about the weekend.
- Okay.
- Bye Rory.
- Goodnight.
We need a signal.
A kissing signal? Something to avoid this.
Okay, how bout I shoot off a flare - when Im outside necking with a boy? - You know what I mean.
Or I could bang on the door and yell, "Hey, were necking out here!" I still say we need a signal.
Well think of something.
Listen.
Alex and I were talking about going to New York next weekend.
- Fun.
- Yeah.
Hes got four tickets to a show and hes heard me talk about Sookie and Jackson so much that he wants to invite them, too.
Its not "Buckle Up, Im Patty," is it? - Huh? - Nothing.
- Wed have to leave Friday day.
- So? Meaning its just you and Jess alone at dinner with the glorious Emily.
Oh, thats totally fine.
Are you sure? Yeah, it might even make things easier.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Just, it might make it less pressure-packed.
So Im loud when you study and make social gatherings worse? Out of the goodness of your heart, you would be trying to shield me all night, and that might makes things worse.
Out of love.
And I love you, I hope you know that.
Okay, I think I get it.
I have the best intentions.
Bingo.
- Hello? - Hey.
Hey.
How was work? I toted the barge, lifted the bale.
Youre a great barge toter, I can attest to that.
How was your day? Fine.
A lot of studying.
Oh yeah? Is that all you did? - Yeah, basically.
- Basically? Jess, what? I heard that you were basically hanging out with Dean today.
Where did you hear that? Its all over town.
Well, I was with him for awhile.
What do you mean, its all over town? You havent seen the fliers? Ive been home all night.
What fliers? It says, "People are already raving about Miss Pattys one woman show.
" - And? - Theres some blurbs.
One says, "Rory and Dean couldnt stop talking about it.
" Were on a flier? You and a bunch of others.
"The mailman says, even without proper postage, this show delivers.
" Now shes making that up cause Ralphs not that witty.
Were you hanging out there with Dean? I was not hanging out with Dean.
We were both hauled in there to watch her try out material and we were sitting in the same area so we talked a little, and then we left at the same time.
That was it.
It was all by accident.
This is an old subject, Jess.
You know that Dean and I are friendly.
I know youre friendly.
That doesnt mean I dont wanna punch him.
This was not a plan.
I was kidnapped by Miss Patty, so was he, thats it.
Then you two should press charges.
I think we should.
Just What? Just tell me these things first so I dont have to read about them on telephone poles.
- I will, I promise.
- Okay.
Okay.
So, how was the show? Its gonna need a lot of postage.
Why does it say, "Not in any way affiliated with Kirk" down at the bottom? They had a showbiz spat.
Fill me in.
Help yourselves to drinks in the fridge, guys.
Weve got chips, pretzels, and Brian, I remembered your allergies and got you the melba toast.
Thats nice, thanks.
We got a lot done today.
Weve almost got a full set.
But you know what were missing? A straight-ahead love song.
Yeah, all our songs are pretty much about property destruction and a general dislike of right-wing causes.
Not one love song, huh? I think we can add one or two, that are good ones.
Boy, youd think love songs are all you and Lane would wanna play.
Man, this crunch just now sounded like the drum-fill in Baba OReilly.
Cool, way to go Zach.
Yeah, Zach, a musical mouth.
Thats awesome.
But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs? Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Daves name Dave youve got the last two letters in love.
V, E.
And with Lanes name, you have the L.
You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go.
Makes sense.
Totally.
We should probably start breaking stuff down.
I gotta get home for dinner.
One day soon, youre not gonna go home from dinner.
- What, Ill be dead? - No, well be on tour.
Right, right.
That was a negative "right, right," man.
Guys, Im so sorry.
It just slipped out.
Thats okay.
Luckily Zach and Brian are well, Zach and Brian.
How long are you gonna keep it a secret? For awhile, at least.
Its easier.
Are you sure it would be so bad if they knew? I mean, keeping this a secret seems awfully complicated.
Not really, weve got a system.
Speaking of which, its 3:18.
Well have the stuff packed by 3:40, whats the situation? At 3:40, my mom will be on her way to the yarn store for her bimonthly sew-a-thon with Lacey Schwartz and Bick Ho.
- The yarn stores on Peach.
- Plum.
That cuts us off from our usually route to the interstate.
Theres a back road that circles around it, but its gonna be muddy from the rains.
How about I have the guys take the usual route, Ill go by foot on Peach, down the alley behind Als, over the fence, and they can pick me up a half a mile down by the Shell station.
Perfect.
What, thats not complicated.
Sorry I doubted you.
Okay, then.
- Coffee? - Please, and hurry.
I am going to Manhattan this weekend and I need to shop for some warm clothes.
You already have warm clothes.
I have nothing.
Were in Connecticut.
It gets freezing here same as in New York.
- No, its not the same.
- Exactly the same.
I have nothing stylish enough.
Thats not true, you got the black cashmere coat.
- But it needs cleaning.
- So clean it.
But I need some sweaters, too.
Youve got the purple, youve got the powder blue, youve got three shades of red, youve got a ton of black, all of which will go with that coat.
Plus, youve got a dozen scarves to mix and match with any of those tops.
Let me shop for some clothes.
Okay.
So what are you doing in New York? Oh, a bunch of us are going.
Itll be dinner and a show.
Oh, what show? Levittown, its a new musical.
Right, yeah.
Its in previews, doesnt officially open for a couple weeks.
- Wow, so informed.
- Nicole likes the theater.
Her firm has an office on Madison.
Ive met her there a couple times.
Saw Hairspray last week.
I cannot picture you watching Hairspray.
It was okay.
I liked The Producers better.
Arent we just a Broadway baby.
- Gonna have any time to kill there? - Some.
Got a great book, it has walking tours of old historic Manhattan.
You know, before Disney got a hold of it.
The Soho ones pretty good.
Oh, I love stuff like that.
Its upstairs on my dresser if you wanna run up and grab it.
Cool, thanks.
Mom! Surprise.
What are you doing here? I came up for a book.
- A book? - Yeah.
Got a lot of books here.
Anything in particular? Its one of Lukes.
If it doesnt have Encyclopedia Brown in the title, that narrows it down a lot.
Walking tours, New York.
On the table.
Good, here it is, okay, so, thanks.
- Sorry about this.
- Its okay.
We should probably come up with a system or something.
- Probably.
- Déjà vu, huh? Déjà vu.
Although, why Id be walking into Lukes apartment like this in the future, I dont know, so put the system on the back burner.
- Okay.
- Mmkay.
Carry on, or see ya.
- Dude! - Hey.
Find it okay? Yeah.
I found everything -- including a couple coupling.
Oh, Rory and Jess? No, Ben and J.
Lo.
Yes, Rory and Jess.
I guess I shouldve told you.
You knew they were up there? Theyre up there all the time.
On the couch horizontal, on the couch? They come up for air every so often.
And you just allow this? Luke! Settle down.
I go up there every ten minutes pretending to get something to keep them from doing something we dont want.
"Oops, I forgot my pocketknife.
" "Oops, Im out of ones.
" "Hey, you see a case of mustard up here?" I put the stuff in a box.
I take the box upstairs every couple days and start all over again.
And you think that suffices? Look, its better that theyre safe and upstairs than someplace else.
And you going up there just now saved me a trip, so thanks.
Glad to be of service.
I got a good system, it works.
Every ten minutes? Like clockwork, never a minute more.
Even if youre serving a customer, its every ten minutes? If Im in mid-pour, I stop and go up.
Ten minutes.
Yeah, thats pretty much the time it took to create Rory.
And that included getting dressed and freshening my lipstick.
What? Thanks for the book.
Caesar, cover for me.
- Rory? - Im coming.
Toute de suite, and I dont mean the candy.
Okay, whats the packing crisis? Thats the thing.
I have no packing crisis.
For the first time in my life, there is no packing crisis.
See? This has never happened to me before.
Im all packed, ready to go, and fully confident that I have everything Ill need or desire.
So youre creating a crisis out of nostalgia? No, see, Alex and I talked about everything we plan to do and how he expected to dress and how I expected to dress, and we coordinated to the point where I knew each piece of clothing I had to bring, down to the Spice Girls necklace I plan to wear Saturday morning for breakfast because we agreed to keep it a little whimsical.
So, not your Jonas Salk necklace? Im trying to become as good a planner as you.
So, whats the problem? I have no idea what to wear on the drive.
I wanna look good, obviously, but not too good that it steps on my night outfit, and I also wanna be comfortable.
Whats he wearing, a jogging suit? Yeah, and then after, he and Paulie are hitting the Bada Bing.
Your point being, its probably not a running suit.
- Right.
- And tonights a dress? And, my cashmere coat and a hat.
Your stretchy jeans and your Bunnyranch T-shirt.
Comfort and raunch, I love it.
Good.
So, how are you guys working the logistics tonight? I am going to study at school, then Im going straight to Grandmas from there.
Jess is driving straight from work, and then hes driving me home.
Home? Home here? Yeah, hes gonna drop me off here.
I guess that makes sense.
I thought so.
Although, I dont know.
What? Are you sure thats the best way to do it? Yeah, why? It just means youre coming home to an empty house.
Thats your doing, not mine.
Yeah, but it might be kind of lonely here.
Did you think about staying at Moms? - Overnight? - Yeah.
Theyve got those fancy beds that dont sag, and youre guaranteed a great Norma Desmond style breakfast the next morning.
You dont have school, it works out perfectly.
Id rather just come home.
Okay, sure.
But, you know, staying at your grandmothers would also mean that Jess wouldnt have to go out of his way at the end of the night to drop you off.
It would be much more convenient for him.
Our house is two-tenths of a mile out of his way.
Are you sure hes gonna have enough gas? Ill make sure.
But if you cant get a hold of him, it might be safer to plan on staying at Moms.
I mean, if you run out of gas, youre stuck.
And at the mercy of the Orcs.
Mom, why are you so freaked? This is not freaked.
Is it because you wont be here and he will? It mightve crossed my mind.
And what are you worried about happening? What you guys were on the on-ramp for up at Lukes the other day.
Your basic boy/girl stuff.
Especially with this new boy, you girl stuff.
The boy is different, but Im still me.
That hasnt changed.
Yeah, I know.
And I have so much on my mind, so many things going on in my life, that I dont ever have time to think about that.
No thinking at all? None, I swear.
Mmm, sure, sure.
And we talk about everything together, you and me, remember? So its not like something will happen that you wont know about.
Good.
Thats Alex.
Come on.
You know, you didnt have to change.
I feel kind of dumb being in my uniform when Im not in school.
But you look darling in it.
Im going to miss it when you go to college.
Yeah, I am, too, in a way.
I mean, I like not having to think about what Im going to wear.
And youll have plenty of years to stress yourself out about that.
Im sorry hes late.
Were fine.
Dinner will keep.
I know how you like things to be punctual.
There was a big tie-up on the 84 earlier.
Hes probably smack dab in the middle of that.
Why dont you try him on his cell phone, see whats going on.
He doesnt have one.
- Really? - He doesnt believe in them.
Well, I find that refreshing.
Technology is encroaching too fast on every aspect of life, if you ask me.
Its getting to the point where people will want robots to carry them from place to place.
There he is.
- What - Sorry Im late.
Oh, thats all right.
Come in, come in.
Its cold out.
Grandma, this is Jess.
Jess, my grandmother.
- Nice to meet you.
- Same here.
What happened to your eye? Its a long story, I dont wanna bore you.
- Oh, this is new? - Brand new.
It looks bad.
Does it hurt? - Im fine.
- Is it why you were late? - No, 84 was jammed.
- We knew that, too.
There was something with a big rig.
Oh, those things, they scare the life out of me.
And apparently, all the men who drive them are hopped up on bennies and goofballs.
Come, come, have a seat at the table.
Ill go check on dinner.
- Shouldnt we go with her? - Were you in a fight? - Dinners waiting.
- Jess, were you in a fight? I told you, its a long story, I dont wanna talk about it.
Why? Look, Rory, Im already in a crappy mood.
Traffic sucked.
Traffic I hit going to a function I didnt particularly wanna go to.
And Im thirsty.
And Im hungry.
So lets eat.
- So do we eat standing up? - Over there.
The roast looks perfect.
Oh, Jess, you eat meat, I hope.
I forgot to ask.
Im a carnivore.
Good.
I dont see how anybody can resist eating meat.
Its why we have teeth.
Thats how I feel.
Dinner parties used to be simple.
Now every time we give one, I have to run my menu down with every person on the list.
Its tiring.
- This one eats just about anything.
- Grandma.
Im sorry, but the way you and your mother eat, and those slim figures of yours its a medical marvel.
- They should be studied.
- I dont think so.
So, Rory tells me youre part of the Wal-Mart corporation.
Only out of necessity.
They sound like wonderful stores.
Oh, yeah, I wanna be buried there.
Weve never actually been inside one, but we own the stock.
Thanks for the paycheck.
Oh, thats very funny.
Did you just get it? The eye did it just happen? You know, we should eat these salads so the roast doesnt get cold.
I mean, it must be sometime between nine last night and now.
His eye.
Yeah, it was sometime in there.
But you cant narrow it down? Rory, come on.
Oh my God, theres no salt and pepper on this table.
Well need it for the meat.
These people are supposed to be trained before I get them, but God knows thats never the case.
What is your problem? Youre not telling me the truth, thats my problem.
I dont wanna get into it here.
- And its obvious why.
- Oh, is it? You got into a fight with Dean.
- Unbelievable.
- Is that it? It always comes back to Dean.
- Because you bring it there.
- You brought up Dean.
Because you got into a fight with him.
Why are you pressing this? Why? Im trying to make some kind of quasi-positive impression on your grandmother per your request and youre forcing me to do otherwise.
And what the hell are raisins doing in a salad? Why cant people leave well enough alone? In that whole speech, I didnt hear you deny it.
Weve got great choices on the prime rib.
How do you like your prime rib, Jess? - Cooked.
- Hes not picky, Grandma.
Good, thatll make it easier.
So, what did I miss? Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Grandma, would it be all right if I speak to Jess for a second? - We can go to the study.
- Were eating.
Well, I want to talk.
Youre being a little rude to your grandmother, Rory.
I can leave the room for a minute if you want.
No, Grandma, well be right back.
I told you nothing happened at Pattys, but you just wouldnt believe it.
You had to get into a fight with Dean tonight right before meeting my grandmother.
- This is a disaster.
- I did not get into a fight with Dean.
- Bull.
- Believe what you want.
Im going to find out eventually, so why keep it from me? What if Dean had sucker-punched me and I had to defend myself? Youre not even considering the possibility that thats what happened? Dean wouldnt do that.
Oh, no, he might get his big white Stetson dirty.
Youre being a jerk to my grandmother, too.
Hey, Im doing my best.
If that means Im being a jerk, then thats what I am.
- I didnt even wanna come.
- No one made you.
You made me.
Now Ive seen it all.
You embarrassed me in front of her.
- Thats it, Ive had it.
- So have I.
If youre gonna harp on this, Im leaving.
Oh, great, so now I have to explain to my Grandma why my boyfriend who showed up a half-hour late with a black eye is walking out.
You like making up stories in your head so that should be easy for you.
Is he fetching something from his car? I dont think so.
He left.
Yeah, he left.
Well, you can take some prime rib back for him if you want.
What do you say the girls have some dinner, huh? So, good, good show.
Yeah, yeah.
Alex, thank you for getting us those tickets.
Great production value.
Oh, amazing.
I mean, the way they do lighting on these things.
Its magical, its magical.
This is the worst piece of crap Ive ever seen.
What? I saw Moose Murders.
This stinks worse.
- I thought it was me.
- I was dying in there.
- Every song is the same.
- The same two notes.
- How does that happen? - I feel so very bad.
Yes, I feel so very sad.
- Im sad, Im mad, Im sad, Im mad.
- Im mad, Im sad, Im mad, Im sad.
Im sorry thats better, rent a theater.
Look, I say we hit a bar, get some drinks, continue plotting out this musical you guys are writing.
Cool.
Well need pens and paper.
Just memorize it.
Im mad, Im sad, Im mad, Im sad.
- Well grab a cab.
- Hey, that fits right in.
Youre nice.
I try.
- Who are you expecting? - Oh, Rory.
I mean, not that Im expecting a call because a call could mean something bad, so, not getting a call is probably best.
Probably.
Im just gonna give her a call.
You know, on the drive down here, you made me promise to stop you if you were gonna call Rory - for the wrong reason.
- But I left the iron on.
- Shell turn it off.
- Shes got this boy.
I know.
- I shouldnt call her.
- Its up to you.
Hey guys, we got a cab, and the driver likes our song.
- Putting away phone now.
- Good girl.
- Hello? - Good morning.
Its early.
Why are you calling so early? Oh, I dont know.
I mustve screwed up the time difference.
- What time is it there? - The same time it is there.
Ah, sorry.
- Hows it going? - Good.
A lot of walking.
We all had pizza at Johns in the village and wrote a musical.
Good for you.
Then we picked the same Dean Martin song on the jukebox twenty-five times and people started complaining, so we picked the Bee Gees "New York Mining Disaster" and they begged for Dean Martin back.
Sounds fun.
So, howd the dinner go? Not well.
Far from well.
What? Im at Grandmas.
- You stayed the night? - Yup.
What did she do? Did she make you stay because she didnt want Jess to drive you home? She is so untrusting.
And to ruin this dinner Im gonna kill her.
No, Grandma was great.
The whole time, even when Jess was late.
Youre kidding.
She was a saint.
Staying over was my idea.
Why? Jess and I got into the most horrible fight of my life and it was - I cant even say.
- I dont believe this.
He showed up with a big black eye.
- A black guy? - Eye, a black eye.
- He got into a fight.
- With who, Dean? He wouldnt say, but yes, and he was all standoffish about it and things got worse and worse and he walked out.
It was all horrible.
Wow, honey.
Im sorry.
Are you okay? Im upset, but Im okay.
Oh, I thought I heard you up.
How bout some breakfast? Sure.
- Is that Jess? - No, its Mom.
- Hey, put her on.
- She wants to talk to you.
- Bye.
- See ya tonight.
- Hello? - Mom, hi, listen.
Rory kind of explained what happened last night, and how you were really great about it.
I just wanted to thank you.
I mean, I dont know all the details, but Im sure it all couldve been way worse, and you keeping your cool like that was really, really nice.
Thanks.
How can you let your daughter be with that abominable thug? - Mom - First he arrives late, how disrespectful is that? Then hes rude to Rory, rude to me.
- Mom - Oh, and that attitude, I wanted to slap that monosyllabic mouth of his.
And God forbid theyre in another accident together or his heap of a car breaks down and Lord Jim has decided cell phones are beneath him and theyre stranded in the middle of nowhere.
How can you let this happen? He had a black eye.
He belongs in jail! Yo, dude, thats disrespectful.
Were really early.
Lets get something to eat.
Sure, what do we want? Ive only got three bucks.
You always only got three bucks.
What is it, you go to an ATM that only gives out three bucks at a time? Lets just pick.
Im sick of burgers, so if it could be a place that has more than burgers What do you want, like a three-dollar sushi place? It doesnt have to be sushi.
Guys, shut up and be cool.
Dont say a thing.
- What, why? - Mrs.
Kim, hello.
- David.
- David? Mrs.
Kim.
Youre Lanes mom? How do you know Lane? - Shes a great dr - Girl.
We all think so.
Who are you? What is all this, David? Who are all these unwashed boys? Well, see, Zach and Brian here play in a combo with me when I dont play solo.
- A combo? - A Christian combo.
Oh, good.
With just a guitar it can sound thin.
Thats why we play music together.
The lights turned, we should probably get Wait, I want to warn you about something.
- Yes? - About Lane.
- She has a crush on you.
- She does? I thought you should know.
Shes a good girl, but flighty sometimes.
Be careful around her.
I know youre a serious boy, I dont want you to be shocked.
Oh, no, thank you.
Ill be very careful, I promise.
Okay.
Maybe Ill book your combo sometime, mix it up a little.
It would be our pleasure.
Right, guys? - Yeah.
- Sure.
Dont speed.
Okay, so, where do we wanna eat? - Hey.
- Hey there.
Did you see those fliers? Apparently, I clicked my heels for joy after one of her songs.
- I dont remember that.
- Me neither.
Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah, whats wrong? Dean, this whole friend thing with us isnt going to work if were not honest with each other.
I agree.
Okay, so, anything you wanna tell me? Corns two for a dollar? - Jess has a black eye.
- Oh yeah? Any idea where he got it? That would be an extremely long list.
- It wasnt you? - It wasnt me.
- You swear? - I swear.
- Did he say it was me? - No, hes not saying anything.
- Hes less talkative than some.
- Yeah, sorry, I have no idea.
- Look, I really dont like talking about - I know, sorry, I - I should get back to work.
- Okay, thanks.
- Sorry I couldnt solve the mystery.
- Me, too.
- Whoa.
- What? Youre Petey the dog.
I prefer to not talk about this.
Is that why you snuck in last night? I did not sneak in.
Now, could we get back to work here? Fine, start clearing some stuff.
So whend you get into a fight with Dean? It wasnt a fight with Dean.
Whoa, wheres that coming from? I just asked.
Whats with everybody making assumptions? Im sick of it.
- So it wasnt Dean.
- No.
- When did it happen, yesterday? - Yes.
You went to Rorys grandmother yesterday.
She punch you? - Stop.
- Whered you get it? - Santa Claus.
- So youre not gonna tell me? Thats right.
Hello? Yeah, hey Rory, hang on a sec.
Its Rory.
- Im not here.
- What? Get a clue, Columbo.
I dont wanna talk to her.
You dont wanna talk to Rory? Yeah, Rory? Yeah, he just went someplace.
Yeah, Ill tell him.
Bye.
- Come on.
- Hey.
- Come on, what is this? - Look, youre my responsibility.
Youre exhibiting signs of violent behavior and I dont care how much you dont wanna talk about it, youre not leaving until you tell me.
Now, tell me, whered you get the black eye? - You wouldnt believe it anyway.
- Try me, tough guy.
A swan.
Excuse me? I was attacked by a swan.
Okay, you happy? A stupid swan.
Now, how bout the real story? That is the real story.
It hangs out by Larsons Dock.
I was just walking by and the thing came out of nowhere and bam - beaked me right in the eye.
- It beaked you? You still dont believe me.
I just never heard anyone use the word beaked as a verb before.
No, no, this isnt funny.
That stupid bird attacked me.
He couldve blinded me.
Its a vicious, vicious bird, and fine.
Forget it.
What are you doing? Where are you going? Im gonna do a little beaking of my own.
Jess, not the ladle.
Thats a brand new ladle.
Take the baster! I dont see a swan.
Put your oars down.
They dont like oars? Just lay low, itll come.
Does it act all peaceful and Bambi-like and then suddenly attack like the rabbit in Monty Python? Your voice is probably scaring it away.
So howd you explain the black eye to the Gilmores? I didnt.
The whole night sucked.
Im happy its behind me.
Behind you? You aint got nothing behind you.
What do you mean? Youll have plenty more events like that in your future.
No way.
When you date a girl like Rory, youre involved with her whole family.
Just like that last girl you dated, you were involved with her whole petri dish.
At least she was easy to figure out.
And you were bored from day one.
Im dating Rory, not her family.
All these people come in a package with this girl.
The mother comes with this girl.
The grandmother comes with this girl.
And apparently a bunch of others.
Everybody shes ever met, including Dean.
She picked you.
God knows why.
She knows, thats all that matters.
Jess, being jealous of Dean I am not jealous of Dean.
Being jealous of Dean is pointless.
Youre just gonna drive Rory away.
You wanna have a relationship with someone, youre gonna have to learn to open up your mouth and say something.
Give it a rest, Dr.
Phil.
You cant shut down, you cant avoid her calls.
I didnt wanna talk.
- When are you gonna wanna talk? - I dont know.
So, what are you gonna do, just keep avoiding her - and never take her calls again? - Shell find me eventually.
If she keeps looking for you.
Hey, Im not gonna be a wuss like Dean.
Dean had that girl for two years.
You have a little fight after two months, you walk out, and its over? - I dont care.
- Okay, fine, you dont care, thats obvious.
- Is that the one? - Thats it.
Watch it.
Im watching it.
Its pretty.
- Is it gonna double back? - Maybe.
So its lulling us into complacency.
- Hes vicious, Im telling you.
- Yeah, his butts terrifying.
Its outnumbered.
Thats the problem.
It knows theres two of us.
So you want me to get under water, swim along with the boat, - breathe through a straw? - Forget it.
Maybe its gonna get another swan and come back - and make a fight of it, huh? - Forget it.
Hes not even calling you back, huh? No, and Im not sure what to do.
Dave and I have never had a fight because we havent really truly begun dating, so I have no perspective on this.
Youd better hurry up and start having bad boy troubles so I can get some feedback.
- Hey there.
- Hi guys.
Hows it going? I think its going a little weird, to tell you the truth.
Weird, why? I think we need to get something out in the open here.
Definitely.
We ran into your mom.
- My mom? - Oh boy.
Yeah, and were well aware that theres a situation here that you guys have been hiding.
We should get it out in the open here or else its gonna get weirder.
Yeah, I guess so.
We didnt mean anything by hiding it guys.
What pisses us off is that you felt you had to hide it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Dave, youre a Christian.
So what? Thats cool.
- Its nothing to hide.
- Christians can still rock.
They can? Yeah, Dave.
Christians can still rock, dont hide it.
Marshall Stacks dont know Christians from atheists.
Gosh, I just wasnt sure if you guys would be accepting of my devoutness.
Dave, its a part of you, and we think youre cool, so its cool.
Great.
Thanks, guys.
But no way are we playing Creed, man.
Oh, no, of course not.
Or Amy Grant.
Thats where we draw the line.
This is very accepting of you guys.
And wed be totally into playing that gig for your mom if it pays.
Oh, Mrs.
Kim pays.
Shes very good about that.
Thats my mom.
Im glad this all worked out.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, my little daughter.
Im happy to see you.
- Thanks for bringing her back in one piece.
- No problem.
- Im very weak.
- She hasnt eaten in awhile.
I warned you to keep to her feeding schedule.
Im drifting, drifting.
- She wanted to wait to have dinner with you.
- Thats sweet.
- Must have food now.
- Ill take it from here.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
- Youre not food.
- Revive her.
I will.
Im gonna run and get take out.
Oh, make like the wind.
- Can you make it to the door? - Ill struggle.
- Rory.
- Oh, hey.
Hey.
Your mom home? Im bringing supplies.
- Shouldve brought a mule.
- What? - A pack mule, to carry it.
- Oh, yeah.
So, sorry I missed your calls.
You were always out.
Yeah.
I was getting ready to call you just now, but you wouldve been out.
- Ironic.
- Yeah.
So, I know there was no fight with Dean.
Really? How? You asked Dean.
It was the only thing I could think to do.
To go to the source.
Yup.
Im sorry I doubted you.
Its okay.
I wouldve doubted me, too.
- I need to trust you as much as I trusted - Him.
This black eye screwed everything up.
Next time I go to your grandmothers, Ill try not to have one.
- Next time? - Next time.
So what happened? - I dont - Come on.
- It wasnt Dean, you can say.
- Will that make you happy? Yes, very.
Okay, Ill tell you the truth, since were both so into the truth tonight.
Thats what good relationships are about, right? Right.
But youve gotta promise not to mock me ever, and please dont tell anyone else.
Promise.
I was throwing a football with a buddy and got hit in the eye.
- You poor thing.
- Yeah.
But thats not embarrassing.
Yeah, now that you mention it, its not.
- I have to go.
- Dont go.
- I dont want to.
- Then dont.
- Lets go somewhere.
- Ive got takeout.
- Ill reimburse you.
- My moms waiting.
Keep thinking what youre thinking.
I dont have a choice.
Mom? Hm? Is that you, Rhett? I bring food.
Oh, thank God.
Ha! One of everything at Als.
Bless you with gluttony.
- Arent you hungry? - Yeah.
Well, come on, dig in.
Whats wrong? Nothing.
Listen.
Im listening.
When I said before that I was too busy to think about it, I realized now that Im not too busy to think about it.
- Think about it? - About it.
Oh, it.
Yeah, it.
Ha, it.
Nothings happened yet, but it might.
Maybe.
Maybe? Maybe with Jess.
Hm, with Jess.
You still want me to tell you everything, right? Yeah.
No.
Well Which is it? Were doing this now.
Yes.
Which is it? I dont know.
- Youll let me know? - Yeah.
Was that, yeah, youll let me know, or yeah, thats your answer, you wanna know? I guess, I wanna know, yes, and now, sure.
Well, nothings happened.
- I heard.
- But it might.
Okay.
Could you tell me before it does? - Right before, or - No, just just before.
Okay.
Okay, good.
- Is that it? - For tonight, yeah.
Good.
This this is good.
Yeah, it is good.
Okay, well, lets eat.
Good.
Not even a word, just a like Im her cabana boy.
Next thing you know, instead of just walking out of the room, shell make me bow and back out.
Imperious attitude, she never gives it a rest.
I schlepped her to the doctor the other day - by command, not request and the elevator operator there greeted us nice and friendly.
Her doctors on the second floor and by the time we got there, that operator was in tears.
What? Mom, you just did twenty straight minutes on Gran.
It wasnt twenty minutes.
It was getting there.
How about a moratorium on the Gran stories for a bit? Fine.
Id rather not spoil the meal with talk of her.
Good.
I should just wash my hands.
Well wait.
I mean of her.
Oh, good, wash those hands.
She sucks her olive pits.
Short moratorium.
Trying to extract every last ounce of flavor out of them like she does people.
She sucks flavor out of people? Can we change the subject? Life, not flavor.
Hey, you know what Gran needs? - What? - A fella.
With or without an umbrella.
Hed have to look like an olive pit to get her attention.
Its like a Dean Martin Roast.
Those are never funny to me.
Yeah, theyre mean.
- Except for Don Rickles.
- Totally except for Rickles.
I think she did have a man for a time squiring her around to her biddy affairs.
Richard thought so, too, and it horrified him.
Didnt want a new Daddy, huh? And then he seemed suddenly out of the picture.
So Great Grandma never talked about him? Never.
Even though I could tell practically the day she stopped seeing him.
Those kinds of things are always obvious.
Yeah, I guess.
When a couple is in a relationship and then suddenly isnt.
Right.
Right.
Is she still looking? Yup.
Right.
You know, Grandma, did I mention that unfortunately Im not with Dean anymore? - No, you didnt.
- Well, Im not.
Well, yes, Ive known for weeks actually.
But its good that you confirmed it.
How did you know? You very abruptly stopped mentioning him eleven dinners ago, so I figured that was the case.
Eleven dinners, you kept count? - Eleven.
- Eleven.
Im sorry I didnt tell you Grandma.
I think you should have.
I mean, what if I had invited Dean to an event and you were no longer with him, and thats how I found out? It wouldve been embarrassing.
What sort of event would you have invited Dean to? I dont know, a wedding.
For who? A mutual friend or something.
You and Dean have mutual friends in common that Rory and I dont? Who would that be, the Talbotts or that senior partner at Deloite and Touche? You know what I meant.
Its always best to tell each other major life events so that theres no awkwardness.
Then, Grandma, I probably also failed to mention that Im seeing someone else.
- Who? - Jess.
- Jess? - Lukes nephew.
Luke from the diner.
Oh, I see.
Well, am I going to get to meet him soon? Oh, I dont know.
Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
How hard can it be? Just bring him over for dinner sometime.
How about next Friday? Oh, I dont know.
Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
Its perfect timing.
Richard will still be out of town and it would be nice to round off the group with a fourth.
He works Fridays, doesnt he? Yeah, thats his usual night.
Friday night.
Its a bad night.
Oh, okay.
I suppose Ill eventually meet him someday at some function.
Perhaps a wedding.
Or Rorys graduation.
Thats good.
That way well all get to meet him at once.
Myself, Richard, Gran.
Maybe Ill bring a couple of girls from the DAR.
Reverend Mahoney might like to come also.
You know what, Grandma, now that I think about it, I think Jess does have next Friday night off.
Really? Lets make it a foursome.
Thatll be nice.
Yeah, it will be nice, right Grandma? Very nice.
Well have lamb.
So, it will be nice for everybody? Everybody will be nice to everybody? - The key word being nice.
- Yes, very nice.
Really, really nice? Of course itll be nice.
Thats what I just said.
Good.
Nice would be nice.
And a nice night itll be.
Well, not so nice for the lamb.
Okay, Saturday morning Ive got hair appointment, nails, and Jim.
You dont go to the gym.
No, Jim is coming here to fix the garbage disposal.
Jim Dunning, got it.
- I also have resha plebisham.
- What? I dont know, I cant read it.
Shouldnt you change your system, go electronic or something? - Youre a busy woman.
- Hey, my system works.
Yeah, tell that to the guy who calls tomorrow because you missed your resha plebisham appointment.
I hate that we have to coordinate schedules.
Youre my daughter.
But if we dont, we may never see each other.
We didnt use to have to do this.
Were busier now.
Lets just run away together and leave all this behind.
You mean our house? No, well take the house, well leave everything else.
Put it on your list.
So whats your day like tomorrow? Hanging out with Jess for most of the day, studying at night.
Cool.
Alex and I are having dinner tomorrow night.
Good.
Thatll make it nice and quiet for when I study.
Im that loud? You are when you dance around singing Rorys Studying songs.
Oh, whats this I have down for Sunday slatha bang trafficking? Lanes band practicing.
And underneath it net fracks? - Get snacks.
- Right, for the band.
See, see, it works.
So, youre actually bringing Jess to dinner on Friday? Its as good a time as any.
Therell only be one grandparent to contend with.
Man, that was some stealthy little maneuver she pulled there, huh? Applying the guilt over not knowing about the Dean breakup and making you all weak, and then using that to get Jess to come to dinner on Friday.
Shes like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate, effortless.
So, Sundays for us, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have you down right here Cokie.
Good.
Hey, its still early.
Do you wanna watch more of the extra supplementary stuff on the Lord of the Rings DVD? Its just the drawings and that fat guy talking.
- Lets watch Footloose again.
- Yeah.
Hey, you dropped some of your notes.
Oh, who cares? You cant read em anyway.
- Do you love it? - Its great.
The Holy Barbarians.
I mean, what a title.
And its by a Venice Beach beatnik about Venice Beach beatniks, and to top it off, the beatnik who wrote it is the father of the guy that does those Actors Studio interviews on TV.
- The guy with the beard? - Yeah, the pointy beard.
Thats his dad writing at his desk.
Oh, its weird that a weird beatnik-y guy would have a conservative son like that.
Maybe hes not that conservative.
Maybe at night, he, like, takes off his clothes and parties.
Aw, man, now get that picture out of my head.
Its a cool book, youve gotta admit.
It is.
Thanks.
Oh, Im not lending it.
Im not done.
Whyd you show it to me? I like showing you the stuff Im reading.
But you knew Id wanna read it.
- Youre a book tease.
- Youll get it when Im done.
Cruel woman.
So, are you going to work now? Back to the salt mines.
So, youre not tied to the hours you have, right? You can trade if you want to.
Theres some flexibility.
You got any flexibility next Friday night? Yeah, why? I thought maybe you could come to dinner with us.
- Us? - To my Grandmas.
To meet your grandmother.
Yeah, shell be there, so yeah, it might be rude not to introduce the two of you.
I cant, I gotta work.
You just said you could get out.
I didnt know what for.
- Jess.
- No.
- But I already kind of agreed.
- Aw, man.
So Im kinda jammed here.
- Does she know what I look like? - I dont think so.
Perfect.
Find someone who vaguely resembles me.
Take him.
Just dont kiss him goodnight.
Thats not going to work.
Andy Warhol did it all the time.
Were just five bucks away from a deal.
Thats worth five at least.
You Gilmores think a lot of yourselves.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Manipulator.
- Rory, get in here.
- What? Get in here now.
No questions.
Okay, now, for those who just arrived, Im trying out some material for my one-woman show and I need some feedback.
You are my randomly picked audience.
Randomly shang-haied.
Its part stories, part songs.
Kind of like what Elaine Stritch did on Broadway, but without the bitterness.
My working title "Buckle Up, Im Patty.
" How long have you been here? - An hour.
- Poor thing.
Its been mostly her and Kirk arguing about stuff.
Apparently, hes the director.
Patty, lets try one of your reminisces.
Thats what Im looking for, Kirk.
Sorry I didnt save you.
I didnt see you until it was too late.
I dont think anybody couldve saved me.
Okay, here we go.
Hey, did you know that I once met the great Bette Davis? I was a chorus girl in a bus-and-truck tour of "Guys and Dolls.
" Beantown, I love that town.
And there I was, me and the girls backstage after the show, and in she comes.
And who does she walk right up to, but little old me.
And she sized me up, exhaled some smoke from that regal mouth of hers, and said, "Doll, you dont got the high notes but you sure got the gams.
" Ill always treasure that moment with Bette and I wanna dedicate this song to her.
Ethel, key a D.
Were gonna have to rewrite that.
What? It got no response.
It needs a rewrite.
Kirk, its my reminiscence.
I cant rewrite it.
How about if she says, "Doll, youve got the gams, but Ive got a body in the trunk of my car.
" Why would she say that? Because shes a murderer.
I think it works.
Im not rewriting my memories, Kirk.
It died.
Build a coffin for it, put some pennies on its eyes cause that stiff aint breathing.
I think that we should discuss this later, now go back to your light booth.
Fine, start the song.
Its a quarter of three, there is no one in the place, except you and me.
Kirk, would you fix this? Fix what? This flashing.
Thats my choice for the song.
Its disco.
Im trying to subvert expectations.
Well, dont.
Just give me a simple spot.
Something more obvious, got it.
- This is a hit.
- Itll run for years.
Something on the nose and expected, got it.
Kirk! It was nice of you to step in like that.
Well, she couldve hurt herself trying to throw the podium at him like that.
I think "work in progress" is the key phrase.
I like that she tries.
The woman taught me everything Ive already forgotten about dancing, baton twirling and gymnastics.
- Well, Im this way.
- Im this way.
- See you later.
- See ya.
You know, I kind of liked the body in the trunk thing.
Me, too.
Peppier.
- Night.
- Night.
Oh, sorry.
- Its okay.
- Its okay.
I can just shut the door so you can carry on.
No, weve carried on enough.
Yeah, I think weve carried on pretty good out here.
- Ill call you about the weekend.
- Okay.
- Bye Rory.
- Goodnight.
We need a signal.
A kissing signal? Something to avoid this.
Okay, how bout I shoot off a flare - when Im outside necking with a boy? - You know what I mean.
Or I could bang on the door and yell, "Hey, were necking out here!" I still say we need a signal.
Well think of something.
Listen.
Alex and I were talking about going to New York next weekend.
- Fun.
- Yeah.
Hes got four tickets to a show and hes heard me talk about Sookie and Jackson so much that he wants to invite them, too.
Its not "Buckle Up, Im Patty," is it? - Huh? - Nothing.
- Wed have to leave Friday day.
- So? Meaning its just you and Jess alone at dinner with the glorious Emily.
Oh, thats totally fine.
Are you sure? Yeah, it might even make things easier.
What does that mean? Nothing.
Just, it might make it less pressure-packed.
So Im loud when you study and make social gatherings worse? Out of the goodness of your heart, you would be trying to shield me all night, and that might makes things worse.
Out of love.
And I love you, I hope you know that.
Okay, I think I get it.
I have the best intentions.
Bingo.
- Hello? - Hey.
Hey.
How was work? I toted the barge, lifted the bale.
Youre a great barge toter, I can attest to that.
How was your day? Fine.
A lot of studying.
Oh yeah? Is that all you did? - Yeah, basically.
- Basically? Jess, what? I heard that you were basically hanging out with Dean today.
Where did you hear that? Its all over town.
Well, I was with him for awhile.
What do you mean, its all over town? You havent seen the fliers? Ive been home all night.
What fliers? It says, "People are already raving about Miss Pattys one woman show.
" - And? - Theres some blurbs.
One says, "Rory and Dean couldnt stop talking about it.
" Were on a flier? You and a bunch of others.
"The mailman says, even without proper postage, this show delivers.
" Now shes making that up cause Ralphs not that witty.
Were you hanging out there with Dean? I was not hanging out with Dean.
We were both hauled in there to watch her try out material and we were sitting in the same area so we talked a little, and then we left at the same time.
That was it.
It was all by accident.
This is an old subject, Jess.
You know that Dean and I are friendly.
I know youre friendly.
That doesnt mean I dont wanna punch him.
This was not a plan.
I was kidnapped by Miss Patty, so was he, thats it.
Then you two should press charges.
I think we should.
Just What? Just tell me these things first so I dont have to read about them on telephone poles.
- I will, I promise.
- Okay.
Okay.
So, how was the show? Its gonna need a lot of postage.
Why does it say, "Not in any way affiliated with Kirk" down at the bottom? They had a showbiz spat.
Fill me in.
Help yourselves to drinks in the fridge, guys.
Weve got chips, pretzels, and Brian, I remembered your allergies and got you the melba toast.
Thats nice, thanks.
We got a lot done today.
Weve almost got a full set.
But you know what were missing? A straight-ahead love song.
Yeah, all our songs are pretty much about property destruction and a general dislike of right-wing causes.
Not one love song, huh? I think we can add one or two, that are good ones.
Boy, youd think love songs are all you and Lane would wanna play.
Man, this crunch just now sounded like the drum-fill in Baba OReilly.
Cool, way to go Zach.
Yeah, Zach, a musical mouth.
Thats awesome.
But why would Dave and Lane wanna play just love songs? Because, I was just thinking, you know, with Daves name Dave youve got the last two letters in love.
V, E.
And with Lanes name, you have the L.
You can just dump the A and add an O and there you go.
Makes sense.
Totally.
We should probably start breaking stuff down.
I gotta get home for dinner.
One day soon, youre not gonna go home from dinner.
- What, Ill be dead? - No, well be on tour.
Right, right.
That was a negative "right, right," man.
Guys, Im so sorry.
It just slipped out.
Thats okay.
Luckily Zach and Brian are well, Zach and Brian.
How long are you gonna keep it a secret? For awhile, at least.
Its easier.
Are you sure it would be so bad if they knew? I mean, keeping this a secret seems awfully complicated.
Not really, weve got a system.
Speaking of which, its 3:18.
Well have the stuff packed by 3:40, whats the situation? At 3:40, my mom will be on her way to the yarn store for her bimonthly sew-a-thon with Lacey Schwartz and Bick Ho.
- The yarn stores on Peach.
- Plum.
That cuts us off from our usually route to the interstate.
Theres a back road that circles around it, but its gonna be muddy from the rains.
How about I have the guys take the usual route, Ill go by foot on Peach, down the alley behind Als, over the fence, and they can pick me up a half a mile down by the Shell station.
Perfect.
What, thats not complicated.
Sorry I doubted you.
Okay, then.
- Coffee? - Please, and hurry.
I am going to Manhattan this weekend and I need to shop for some warm clothes.
You already have warm clothes.
I have nothing.
Were in Connecticut.
It gets freezing here same as in New York.
- No, its not the same.
- Exactly the same.
I have nothing stylish enough.
Thats not true, you got the black cashmere coat.
- But it needs cleaning.
- So clean it.
But I need some sweaters, too.
Youve got the purple, youve got the powder blue, youve got three shades of red, youve got a ton of black, all of which will go with that coat.
Plus, youve got a dozen scarves to mix and match with any of those tops.
Let me shop for some clothes.
Okay.
So what are you doing in New York? Oh, a bunch of us are going.
Itll be dinner and a show.
Oh, what show? Levittown, its a new musical.
Right, yeah.
Its in previews, doesnt officially open for a couple weeks.
- Wow, so informed.
- Nicole likes the theater.
Her firm has an office on Madison.
Ive met her there a couple times.
Saw Hairspray last week.
I cannot picture you watching Hairspray.
It was okay.
I liked The Producers better.
Arent we just a Broadway baby.
- Gonna have any time to kill there? - Some.
Got a great book, it has walking tours of old historic Manhattan.
You know, before Disney got a hold of it.
The Soho ones pretty good.
Oh, I love stuff like that.
Its upstairs on my dresser if you wanna run up and grab it.
Cool, thanks.
Mom! Surprise.
What are you doing here? I came up for a book.
- A book? - Yeah.
Got a lot of books here.
Anything in particular? Its one of Lukes.
If it doesnt have Encyclopedia Brown in the title, that narrows it down a lot.
Walking tours, New York.
On the table.
Good, here it is, okay, so, thanks.
- Sorry about this.
- Its okay.
We should probably come up with a system or something.
- Probably.
- Déjà vu, huh? Déjà vu.
Although, why Id be walking into Lukes apartment like this in the future, I dont know, so put the system on the back burner.
- Okay.
- Mmkay.
Carry on, or see ya.
- Dude! - Hey.
Find it okay? Yeah.
I found everything -- including a couple coupling.
Oh, Rory and Jess? No, Ben and J.
Lo.
Yes, Rory and Jess.
I guess I shouldve told you.
You knew they were up there? Theyre up there all the time.
On the couch horizontal, on the couch? They come up for air every so often.
And you just allow this? Luke! Settle down.
I go up there every ten minutes pretending to get something to keep them from doing something we dont want.
"Oops, I forgot my pocketknife.
" "Oops, Im out of ones.
" "Hey, you see a case of mustard up here?" I put the stuff in a box.
I take the box upstairs every couple days and start all over again.
And you think that suffices? Look, its better that theyre safe and upstairs than someplace else.
And you going up there just now saved me a trip, so thanks.
Glad to be of service.
I got a good system, it works.
Every ten minutes? Like clockwork, never a minute more.
Even if youre serving a customer, its every ten minutes? If Im in mid-pour, I stop and go up.
Ten minutes.
Yeah, thats pretty much the time it took to create Rory.
And that included getting dressed and freshening my lipstick.
What? Thanks for the book.
Caesar, cover for me.
- Rory? - Im coming.
Toute de suite, and I dont mean the candy.
Okay, whats the packing crisis? Thats the thing.
I have no packing crisis.
For the first time in my life, there is no packing crisis.
See? This has never happened to me before.
Im all packed, ready to go, and fully confident that I have everything Ill need or desire.
So youre creating a crisis out of nostalgia? No, see, Alex and I talked about everything we plan to do and how he expected to dress and how I expected to dress, and we coordinated to the point where I knew each piece of clothing I had to bring, down to the Spice Girls necklace I plan to wear Saturday morning for breakfast because we agreed to keep it a little whimsical.
So, not your Jonas Salk necklace? Im trying to become as good a planner as you.
So, whats the problem? I have no idea what to wear on the drive.
I wanna look good, obviously, but not too good that it steps on my night outfit, and I also wanna be comfortable.
Whats he wearing, a jogging suit? Yeah, and then after, he and Paulie are hitting the Bada Bing.
Your point being, its probably not a running suit.
- Right.
- And tonights a dress? And, my cashmere coat and a hat.
Your stretchy jeans and your Bunnyranch T-shirt.
Comfort and raunch, I love it.
Good.
So, how are you guys working the logistics tonight? I am going to study at school, then Im going straight to Grandmas from there.
Jess is driving straight from work, and then hes driving me home.
Home? Home here? Yeah, hes gonna drop me off here.
I guess that makes sense.
I thought so.
Although, I dont know.
What? Are you sure thats the best way to do it? Yeah, why? It just means youre coming home to an empty house.
Thats your doing, not mine.
Yeah, but it might be kind of lonely here.
Did you think about staying at Moms? - Overnight? - Yeah.
Theyve got those fancy beds that dont sag, and youre guaranteed a great Norma Desmond style breakfast the next morning.
You dont have school, it works out perfectly.
Id rather just come home.
Okay, sure.
But, you know, staying at your grandmothers would also mean that Jess wouldnt have to go out of his way at the end of the night to drop you off.
It would be much more convenient for him.
Our house is two-tenths of a mile out of his way.
Are you sure hes gonna have enough gas? Ill make sure.
But if you cant get a hold of him, it might be safer to plan on staying at Moms.
I mean, if you run out of gas, youre stuck.
And at the mercy of the Orcs.
Mom, why are you so freaked? This is not freaked.
Is it because you wont be here and he will? It mightve crossed my mind.
And what are you worried about happening? What you guys were on the on-ramp for up at Lukes the other day.
Your basic boy/girl stuff.
Especially with this new boy, you girl stuff.
The boy is different, but Im still me.
That hasnt changed.
Yeah, I know.
And I have so much on my mind, so many things going on in my life, that I dont ever have time to think about that.
No thinking at all? None, I swear.
Mmm, sure, sure.
And we talk about everything together, you and me, remember? So its not like something will happen that you wont know about.
Good.
Thats Alex.
Come on.
You know, you didnt have to change.
I feel kind of dumb being in my uniform when Im not in school.
But you look darling in it.
Im going to miss it when you go to college.
Yeah, I am, too, in a way.
I mean, I like not having to think about what Im going to wear.
And youll have plenty of years to stress yourself out about that.
Im sorry hes late.
Were fine.
Dinner will keep.
I know how you like things to be punctual.
There was a big tie-up on the 84 earlier.
Hes probably smack dab in the middle of that.
Why dont you try him on his cell phone, see whats going on.
He doesnt have one.
- Really? - He doesnt believe in them.
Well, I find that refreshing.
Technology is encroaching too fast on every aspect of life, if you ask me.
Its getting to the point where people will want robots to carry them from place to place.
There he is.
- What - Sorry Im late.
Oh, thats all right.
Come in, come in.
Its cold out.
Grandma, this is Jess.
Jess, my grandmother.
- Nice to meet you.
- Same here.
What happened to your eye? Its a long story, I dont wanna bore you.
- Oh, this is new? - Brand new.
It looks bad.
Does it hurt? - Im fine.
- Is it why you were late? - No, 84 was jammed.
- We knew that, too.
There was something with a big rig.
Oh, those things, they scare the life out of me.
And apparently, all the men who drive them are hopped up on bennies and goofballs.
Come, come, have a seat at the table.
Ill go check on dinner.
- Shouldnt we go with her? - Were you in a fight? - Dinners waiting.
- Jess, were you in a fight? I told you, its a long story, I dont wanna talk about it.
Why? Look, Rory, Im already in a crappy mood.
Traffic sucked.
Traffic I hit going to a function I didnt particularly wanna go to.
And Im thirsty.
And Im hungry.
So lets eat.
- So do we eat standing up? - Over there.
The roast looks perfect.
Oh, Jess, you eat meat, I hope.
I forgot to ask.
Im a carnivore.
Good.
I dont see how anybody can resist eating meat.
Its why we have teeth.
Thats how I feel.
Dinner parties used to be simple.
Now every time we give one, I have to run my menu down with every person on the list.
Its tiring.
- This one eats just about anything.
- Grandma.
Im sorry, but the way you and your mother eat, and those slim figures of yours its a medical marvel.
- They should be studied.
- I dont think so.
So, Rory tells me youre part of the Wal-Mart corporation.
Only out of necessity.
They sound like wonderful stores.
Oh, yeah, I wanna be buried there.
Weve never actually been inside one, but we own the stock.
Thanks for the paycheck.
Oh, thats very funny.
Did you just get it? The eye did it just happen? You know, we should eat these salads so the roast doesnt get cold.
I mean, it must be sometime between nine last night and now.
His eye.
Yeah, it was sometime in there.
But you cant narrow it down? Rory, come on.
Oh my God, theres no salt and pepper on this table.
Well need it for the meat.
These people are supposed to be trained before I get them, but God knows thats never the case.
What is your problem? Youre not telling me the truth, thats my problem.
I dont wanna get into it here.
- And its obvious why.
- Oh, is it? You got into a fight with Dean.
- Unbelievable.
- Is that it? It always comes back to Dean.
- Because you bring it there.
- You brought up Dean.
Because you got into a fight with him.
Why are you pressing this? Why? Im trying to make some kind of quasi-positive impression on your grandmother per your request and youre forcing me to do otherwise.
And what the hell are raisins doing in a salad? Why cant people leave well enough alone? In that whole speech, I didnt hear you deny it.
Weve got great choices on the prime rib.
How do you like your prime rib, Jess? - Cooked.
- Hes not picky, Grandma.
Good, thatll make it easier.
So, what did I miss? Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Grandma, would it be all right if I speak to Jess for a second? - We can go to the study.
- Were eating.
Well, I want to talk.
Youre being a little rude to your grandmother, Rory.
I can leave the room for a minute if you want.
No, Grandma, well be right back.
I told you nothing happened at Pattys, but you just wouldnt believe it.
You had to get into a fight with Dean tonight right before meeting my grandmother.
- This is a disaster.
- I did not get into a fight with Dean.
- Bull.
- Believe what you want.
Im going to find out eventually, so why keep it from me? What if Dean had sucker-punched me and I had to defend myself? Youre not even considering the possibility that thats what happened? Dean wouldnt do that.
Oh, no, he might get his big white Stetson dirty.
Youre being a jerk to my grandmother, too.
Hey, Im doing my best.
If that means Im being a jerk, then thats what I am.
- I didnt even wanna come.
- No one made you.
You made me.
Now Ive seen it all.
You embarrassed me in front of her.
- Thats it, Ive had it.
- So have I.
If youre gonna harp on this, Im leaving.
Oh, great, so now I have to explain to my Grandma why my boyfriend who showed up a half-hour late with a black eye is walking out.
You like making up stories in your head so that should be easy for you.
Is he fetching something from his car? I dont think so.
He left.
Yeah, he left.
Well, you can take some prime rib back for him if you want.
What do you say the girls have some dinner, huh? So, good, good show.
Yeah, yeah.
Alex, thank you for getting us those tickets.
Great production value.
Oh, amazing.
I mean, the way they do lighting on these things.
Its magical, its magical.
This is the worst piece of crap Ive ever seen.
What? I saw Moose Murders.
This stinks worse.
- I thought it was me.
- I was dying in there.
- Every song is the same.
- The same two notes.
- How does that happen? - I feel so very bad.
Yes, I feel so very sad.
- Im sad, Im mad, Im sad, Im mad.
- Im mad, Im sad, Im mad, Im sad.
Im sorry thats better, rent a theater.
Look, I say we hit a bar, get some drinks, continue plotting out this musical you guys are writing.
Cool.
Well need pens and paper.
Just memorize it.
Im mad, Im sad, Im mad, Im sad.
- Well grab a cab.
- Hey, that fits right in.
Youre nice.
I try.
- Who are you expecting? - Oh, Rory.
I mean, not that Im expecting a call because a call could mean something bad, so, not getting a call is probably best.
Probably.
Im just gonna give her a call.
You know, on the drive down here, you made me promise to stop you if you were gonna call Rory - for the wrong reason.
- But I left the iron on.
- Shell turn it off.
- Shes got this boy.
I know.
- I shouldnt call her.
- Its up to you.
Hey guys, we got a cab, and the driver likes our song.
- Putting away phone now.
- Good girl.
- Hello? - Good morning.
Its early.
Why are you calling so early? Oh, I dont know.
I mustve screwed up the time difference.
- What time is it there? - The same time it is there.
Ah, sorry.
- Hows it going? - Good.
A lot of walking.
We all had pizza at Johns in the village and wrote a musical.
Good for you.
Then we picked the same Dean Martin song on the jukebox twenty-five times and people started complaining, so we picked the Bee Gees "New York Mining Disaster" and they begged for Dean Martin back.
Sounds fun.
So, howd the dinner go? Not well.
Far from well.
What? Im at Grandmas.
- You stayed the night? - Yup.
What did she do? Did she make you stay because she didnt want Jess to drive you home? She is so untrusting.
And to ruin this dinner Im gonna kill her.
No, Grandma was great.
The whole time, even when Jess was late.
Youre kidding.
She was a saint.
Staying over was my idea.
Why? Jess and I got into the most horrible fight of my life and it was - I cant even say.
- I dont believe this.
He showed up with a big black eye.
- A black guy? - Eye, a black eye.
- He got into a fight.
- With who, Dean? He wouldnt say, but yes, and he was all standoffish about it and things got worse and worse and he walked out.
It was all horrible.
Wow, honey.
Im sorry.
Are you okay? Im upset, but Im okay.
Oh, I thought I heard you up.
How bout some breakfast? Sure.
- Is that Jess? - No, its Mom.
- Hey, put her on.
- She wants to talk to you.
- Bye.
- See ya tonight.
- Hello? - Mom, hi, listen.
Rory kind of explained what happened last night, and how you were really great about it.
I just wanted to thank you.
I mean, I dont know all the details, but Im sure it all couldve been way worse, and you keeping your cool like that was really, really nice.
Thanks.
How can you let your daughter be with that abominable thug? - Mom - First he arrives late, how disrespectful is that? Then hes rude to Rory, rude to me.
- Mom - Oh, and that attitude, I wanted to slap that monosyllabic mouth of his.
And God forbid theyre in another accident together or his heap of a car breaks down and Lord Jim has decided cell phones are beneath him and theyre stranded in the middle of nowhere.
How can you let this happen? He had a black eye.
He belongs in jail! Yo, dude, thats disrespectful.
Were really early.
Lets get something to eat.
Sure, what do we want? Ive only got three bucks.
You always only got three bucks.
What is it, you go to an ATM that only gives out three bucks at a time? Lets just pick.
Im sick of burgers, so if it could be a place that has more than burgers What do you want, like a three-dollar sushi place? It doesnt have to be sushi.
Guys, shut up and be cool.
Dont say a thing.
- What, why? - Mrs.
Kim, hello.
- David.
- David? Mrs.
Kim.
Youre Lanes mom? How do you know Lane? - Shes a great dr - Girl.
We all think so.
Who are you? What is all this, David? Who are all these unwashed boys? Well, see, Zach and Brian here play in a combo with me when I dont play solo.
- A combo? - A Christian combo.
Oh, good.
With just a guitar it can sound thin.
Thats why we play music together.
The lights turned, we should probably get Wait, I want to warn you about something.
- Yes? - About Lane.
- She has a crush on you.
- She does? I thought you should know.
Shes a good girl, but flighty sometimes.
Be careful around her.
I know youre a serious boy, I dont want you to be shocked.
Oh, no, thank you.
Ill be very careful, I promise.
Okay.
Maybe Ill book your combo sometime, mix it up a little.
It would be our pleasure.
Right, guys? - Yeah.
- Sure.
Dont speed.
Okay, so, where do we wanna eat? - Hey.
- Hey there.
Did you see those fliers? Apparently, I clicked my heels for joy after one of her songs.
- I dont remember that.
- Me neither.
Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah, whats wrong? Dean, this whole friend thing with us isnt going to work if were not honest with each other.
I agree.
Okay, so, anything you wanna tell me? Corns two for a dollar? - Jess has a black eye.
- Oh yeah? Any idea where he got it? That would be an extremely long list.
- It wasnt you? - It wasnt me.
- You swear? - I swear.
- Did he say it was me? - No, hes not saying anything.
- Hes less talkative than some.
- Yeah, sorry, I have no idea.
- Look, I really dont like talking about - I know, sorry, I - I should get back to work.
- Okay, thanks.
- Sorry I couldnt solve the mystery.
- Me, too.
- Whoa.
- What? Youre Petey the dog.
I prefer to not talk about this.
Is that why you snuck in last night? I did not sneak in.
Now, could we get back to work here? Fine, start clearing some stuff.
So whend you get into a fight with Dean? It wasnt a fight with Dean.
Whoa, wheres that coming from? I just asked.
Whats with everybody making assumptions? Im sick of it.
- So it wasnt Dean.
- No.
- When did it happen, yesterday? - Yes.
You went to Rorys grandmother yesterday.
She punch you? - Stop.
- Whered you get it? - Santa Claus.
- So youre not gonna tell me? Thats right.
Hello? Yeah, hey Rory, hang on a sec.
Its Rory.
- Im not here.
- What? Get a clue, Columbo.
I dont wanna talk to her.
You dont wanna talk to Rory? Yeah, Rory? Yeah, he just went someplace.
Yeah, Ill tell him.
Bye.
- Come on.
- Hey.
- Come on, what is this? - Look, youre my responsibility.
Youre exhibiting signs of violent behavior and I dont care how much you dont wanna talk about it, youre not leaving until you tell me.
Now, tell me, whered you get the black eye? - You wouldnt believe it anyway.
- Try me, tough guy.
A swan.
Excuse me? I was attacked by a swan.
Okay, you happy? A stupid swan.
Now, how bout the real story? That is the real story.
It hangs out by Larsons Dock.
I was just walking by and the thing came out of nowhere and bam - beaked me right in the eye.
- It beaked you? You still dont believe me.
I just never heard anyone use the word beaked as a verb before.
No, no, this isnt funny.
That stupid bird attacked me.
He couldve blinded me.
Its a vicious, vicious bird, and fine.
Forget it.
What are you doing? Where are you going? Im gonna do a little beaking of my own.
Jess, not the ladle.
Thats a brand new ladle.
Take the baster! I dont see a swan.
Put your oars down.
They dont like oars? Just lay low, itll come.
Does it act all peaceful and Bambi-like and then suddenly attack like the rabbit in Monty Python? Your voice is probably scaring it away.
So howd you explain the black eye to the Gilmores? I didnt.
The whole night sucked.
Im happy its behind me.
Behind you? You aint got nothing behind you.
What do you mean? Youll have plenty more events like that in your future.
No way.
When you date a girl like Rory, youre involved with her whole family.
Just like that last girl you dated, you were involved with her whole petri dish.
At least she was easy to figure out.
And you were bored from day one.
Im dating Rory, not her family.
All these people come in a package with this girl.
The mother comes with this girl.
The grandmother comes with this girl.
And apparently a bunch of others.
Everybody shes ever met, including Dean.
She picked you.
God knows why.
She knows, thats all that matters.
Jess, being jealous of Dean I am not jealous of Dean.
Being jealous of Dean is pointless.
Youre just gonna drive Rory away.
You wanna have a relationship with someone, youre gonna have to learn to open up your mouth and say something.
Give it a rest, Dr.
Phil.
You cant shut down, you cant avoid her calls.
I didnt wanna talk.
- When are you gonna wanna talk? - I dont know.
So, what are you gonna do, just keep avoiding her - and never take her calls again? - Shell find me eventually.
If she keeps looking for you.
Hey, Im not gonna be a wuss like Dean.
Dean had that girl for two years.
You have a little fight after two months, you walk out, and its over? - I dont care.
- Okay, fine, you dont care, thats obvious.
- Is that the one? - Thats it.
Watch it.
Im watching it.
Its pretty.
- Is it gonna double back? - Maybe.
So its lulling us into complacency.
- Hes vicious, Im telling you.
- Yeah, his butts terrifying.
Its outnumbered.
Thats the problem.
It knows theres two of us.
So you want me to get under water, swim along with the boat, - breathe through a straw? - Forget it.
Maybe its gonna get another swan and come back - and make a fight of it, huh? - Forget it.
Hes not even calling you back, huh? No, and Im not sure what to do.
Dave and I have never had a fight because we havent really truly begun dating, so I have no perspective on this.
Youd better hurry up and start having bad boy troubles so I can get some feedback.
- Hey there.
- Hi guys.
Hows it going? I think its going a little weird, to tell you the truth.
Weird, why? I think we need to get something out in the open here.
Definitely.
We ran into your mom.
- My mom? - Oh boy.
Yeah, and were well aware that theres a situation here that you guys have been hiding.
We should get it out in the open here or else its gonna get weirder.
Yeah, I guess so.
We didnt mean anything by hiding it guys.
What pisses us off is that you felt you had to hide it.
- Really? - Yeah.
Dave, youre a Christian.
So what? Thats cool.
- Its nothing to hide.
- Christians can still rock.
They can? Yeah, Dave.
Christians can still rock, dont hide it.
Marshall Stacks dont know Christians from atheists.
Gosh, I just wasnt sure if you guys would be accepting of my devoutness.
Dave, its a part of you, and we think youre cool, so its cool.
Great.
Thanks, guys.
But no way are we playing Creed, man.
Oh, no, of course not.
Or Amy Grant.
Thats where we draw the line.
This is very accepting of you guys.
And wed be totally into playing that gig for your mom if it pays.
Oh, Mrs.
Kim pays.
Shes very good about that.
Thats my mom.
Im glad this all worked out.
Yeah, me too.
Oh, my little daughter.
Im happy to see you.
- Thanks for bringing her back in one piece.
- No problem.
- Im very weak.
- She hasnt eaten in awhile.
I warned you to keep to her feeding schedule.
Im drifting, drifting.
- She wanted to wait to have dinner with you.
- Thats sweet.
- Must have food now.
- Ill take it from here.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
- Youre not food.
- Revive her.
I will.
Im gonna run and get take out.
Oh, make like the wind.
- Can you make it to the door? - Ill struggle.
- Rory.
- Oh, hey.
Hey.
Your mom home? Im bringing supplies.
- Shouldve brought a mule.
- What? - A pack mule, to carry it.
- Oh, yeah.
So, sorry I missed your calls.
You were always out.
Yeah.
I was getting ready to call you just now, but you wouldve been out.
- Ironic.
- Yeah.
So, I know there was no fight with Dean.
Really? How? You asked Dean.
It was the only thing I could think to do.
To go to the source.
Yup.
Im sorry I doubted you.
Its okay.
I wouldve doubted me, too.
- I need to trust you as much as I trusted - Him.
This black eye screwed everything up.
Next time I go to your grandmothers, Ill try not to have one.
- Next time? - Next time.
So what happened? - I dont - Come on.
- It wasnt Dean, you can say.
- Will that make you happy? Yes, very.
Okay, Ill tell you the truth, since were both so into the truth tonight.
Thats what good relationships are about, right? Right.
But youve gotta promise not to mock me ever, and please dont tell anyone else.
Promise.
I was throwing a football with a buddy and got hit in the eye.
- You poor thing.
- Yeah.
But thats not embarrassing.
Yeah, now that you mention it, its not.
- I have to go.
- Dont go.
- I dont want to.
- Then dont.
- Lets go somewhere.
- Ive got takeout.
- Ill reimburse you.
- My moms waiting.
Keep thinking what youre thinking.
I dont have a choice.
Mom? Hm? Is that you, Rhett? I bring food.
Oh, thank God.
Ha! One of everything at Als.
Bless you with gluttony.
- Arent you hungry? - Yeah.
Well, come on, dig in.
Whats wrong? Nothing.
Listen.
Im listening.
When I said before that I was too busy to think about it, I realized now that Im not too busy to think about it.
- Think about it? - About it.
Oh, it.
Yeah, it.
Ha, it.
Nothings happened yet, but it might.
Maybe.
Maybe? Maybe with Jess.
Hm, with Jess.
You still want me to tell you everything, right? Yeah.
No.
Well Which is it? Were doing this now.
Yes.
Which is it? I dont know.
- Youll let me know? - Yeah.
Was that, yeah, youll let me know, or yeah, thats your answer, you wanna know? I guess, I wanna know, yes, and now, sure.
Well, nothings happened.
- I heard.
- But it might.
Okay.
Could you tell me before it does? - Right before, or - No, just just before.
Okay.
Okay, good.
- Is that it? - For tonight, yeah.
Good.
This this is good.
Yeah, it is good.
Okay, well, lets eat.
Good.