Ginger Snaps (2017) s01e06 Episode Script
Girl Problems
[title music.]
[struggling.]
- Policed on a wishing well.
- Shut down a church bake sale.
Lie about your birthday to your Alzheimer's grandmother.
We don't care how you get the green, but if you don't settle your debts by the end of the week Henry VIII.
swims with the fishiess fi fishies fishes fish fish.
Please don't hurt him.
I'll do anything! Hurt him? Who said anything about hurting him? Yeah, we're just going to throw them him into the river.
We aren't psychos.
Now be a good boy, Eli, and fetch our money.
[blows hit.]
Oh, uh! [crying.]
[music and siren.]
[CHEERFULLY.]
Oh, we're here.
[clearing throat.]
Mm.
[FRIGHTENINGLY.]
We're here.
[music.]
[doorbell.]
We're here to talk to you about the Ginger Snaps.
[gasp.]
I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
- You have health insurance? - Yep.
And are your parents the litigious type? Oh, definitely not.
My parents hate lawyers.
They believe in handling conflicts the old-fashioned way.
Wonderful.
Man, I wasn't sure if Calista was series about letting me join, but here you are.
I bet you guys go camping, and have slumber parties, pillow fights.
Why is your bedroom in the basement? Don't your parents love you? I'm not taking you to my bedroom.
I'm taking you to the playroom.
[claps hands.]
[both gasp.]
I just peed a little.
[giggling.]
[music.]
It's time to start the meeting.
- Where are the twins? - Taking care of Kishy.
- Who? - The Indian.
Right.
To be clear, I don't like her but not because she's Indian.
The way you said it, it makes it seem like that's the problem.
No.
I I I know.
I was just trying to find an easier descriptor.
OK because this isn't a race thing.
- You hate her but not in a hate crime way.
- Exactly.
[banging.]
[all gasp.]
- What happened to you? - Kishy Are you OK? Neither of you have spoken in a long time.
And you're not breathing, and your eyes are vibrating.
Are you giving yourself TMJ? You must stop peeing.
It's beautiful Oh, Dad's stuff? Huh.
Daddy likes to be prepared for anything natural disasters, gangster rap, the Internet.
Is that a military issued fragmentation grenade? Oh, I want to touch it so bad, please! Sure, you can touch.
Don't see why not.
We played with katanas, tomahawks, a morning star.
Plus, she knows seven different types of martial arts, including two we had never heard of and one she invented Krav Maga, Aikido, and Indiana Jones.
That was mostly whip stuff.
I, for one, feel very cultured.
Well, let me get this straight.
I sent you two there to handle her, and she handled you! Admittedly, not the best kroning we've ever done, but She completes us.
[music.]
We want to nominate her to be a Ginger Snap.
- No.
- Kishy [inaudible.]
? I like her.
She lets me cheat off her spelling quizzes.
I would love it if she was in the troop.
She gives me gum when my Halitosis fires up.
Her hair feels like vanilla and kittens.
This isn't a democracy! I said no, so it's a no.
She isn't joining the Snaps.
Next item of business, Lemon Sandies.
Mmm.
If she's out, we're out.
[all gasp.]
- Excuse me? - We're sorry, Calista.
You gave us a home, a place where [music.]
our special abilities were nurtured instead of scorned.
You were like our Professor X.
Yeah, the cute one, you know, Patrick Stewart.
But Kishy's our Magneto.
She can teach us how to use our gifts for the greater evil.
And we really enjoy the greater evil.
And summer blockbusters, apparently.
[scoffs.]
We're allowed to have more than one interest, Kelly B.
Sadist, cinephile, sadist, cinephile - Kishy gets us.
- So either Kishy's in, or we're out.
[gasp.]
[plate shatters.]
[screaming.]
[crashing.]
RACHEL: We can't afford to lose the twins.
A-and if Kishy's as talented as they say she is, she could be an asset.
And we could just let her in on a probationary basis.
CALISTA: [HYSTERICALLY.]
Why me?! And I'll talk to the twins about being subordinate in front of the whole troop.
They have a hard time controlling their lady emotions sometimes, but that's no excuse.
I can't believe that sneaky Indian outplayed me.
Me neither.
Sidebar, when you add sneaky before Indian, it does make it seem like a race thing.
What is your role here, Rachel? What do you mean? I'm your number two! That's what I thought.
But as my number two, you were supposed to handle Kishy and managed the twins.
- You failed on both accounts today.
- Calista? Which means this, this nightmare we're in right now, - it's all your fault.
- [FRIGHTENED.]
I I - Yes? Yes? - I [ANGRILY.]
Are you trying to say something? Spit it out! Are you trying to defend yourself but realize you have no defense because this is totally your fault?! Go home.
It's past your bedtime.
I told you that bedtime thing in confidence.
I said go home, Rachel! [music.]
[struggling.]
- Policed on a wishing well.
- Shut down a church bake sale.
Lie about your birthday to your Alzheimer's grandmother.
We don't care how you get the green, but if you don't settle your debts by the end of the week Henry VIII.
swims with the fishiess fi fishies fishes fish fish.
Please don't hurt him.
I'll do anything! Hurt him? Who said anything about hurting him? Yeah, we're just going to throw them him into the river.
We aren't psychos.
Now be a good boy, Eli, and fetch our money.
[blows hit.]
Oh, uh! [crying.]
[music and siren.]
[CHEERFULLY.]
Oh, we're here.
[clearing throat.]
Mm.
[FRIGHTENINGLY.]
We're here.
[music.]
[doorbell.]
We're here to talk to you about the Ginger Snaps.
[gasp.]
I've been waiting for this day for a long time.
- You have health insurance? - Yep.
And are your parents the litigious type? Oh, definitely not.
My parents hate lawyers.
They believe in handling conflicts the old-fashioned way.
Wonderful.
Man, I wasn't sure if Calista was series about letting me join, but here you are.
I bet you guys go camping, and have slumber parties, pillow fights.
Why is your bedroom in the basement? Don't your parents love you? I'm not taking you to my bedroom.
I'm taking you to the playroom.
[claps hands.]
[both gasp.]
I just peed a little.
[giggling.]
[music.]
It's time to start the meeting.
- Where are the twins? - Taking care of Kishy.
- Who? - The Indian.
Right.
To be clear, I don't like her but not because she's Indian.
The way you said it, it makes it seem like that's the problem.
No.
I I I know.
I was just trying to find an easier descriptor.
OK because this isn't a race thing.
- You hate her but not in a hate crime way.
- Exactly.
[banging.]
[all gasp.]
- What happened to you? - Kishy Are you OK? Neither of you have spoken in a long time.
And you're not breathing, and your eyes are vibrating.
Are you giving yourself TMJ? You must stop peeing.
It's beautiful Oh, Dad's stuff? Huh.
Daddy likes to be prepared for anything natural disasters, gangster rap, the Internet.
Is that a military issued fragmentation grenade? Oh, I want to touch it so bad, please! Sure, you can touch.
Don't see why not.
We played with katanas, tomahawks, a morning star.
Plus, she knows seven different types of martial arts, including two we had never heard of and one she invented Krav Maga, Aikido, and Indiana Jones.
That was mostly whip stuff.
I, for one, feel very cultured.
Well, let me get this straight.
I sent you two there to handle her, and she handled you! Admittedly, not the best kroning we've ever done, but She completes us.
[music.]
We want to nominate her to be a Ginger Snap.
- No.
- Kishy [inaudible.]
? I like her.
She lets me cheat off her spelling quizzes.
I would love it if she was in the troop.
She gives me gum when my Halitosis fires up.
Her hair feels like vanilla and kittens.
This isn't a democracy! I said no, so it's a no.
She isn't joining the Snaps.
Next item of business, Lemon Sandies.
Mmm.
If she's out, we're out.
[all gasp.]
- Excuse me? - We're sorry, Calista.
You gave us a home, a place where [music.]
our special abilities were nurtured instead of scorned.
You were like our Professor X.
Yeah, the cute one, you know, Patrick Stewart.
But Kishy's our Magneto.
She can teach us how to use our gifts for the greater evil.
And we really enjoy the greater evil.
And summer blockbusters, apparently.
[scoffs.]
We're allowed to have more than one interest, Kelly B.
Sadist, cinephile, sadist, cinephile - Kishy gets us.
- So either Kishy's in, or we're out.
[gasp.]
[plate shatters.]
[screaming.]
[crashing.]
RACHEL: We can't afford to lose the twins.
A-and if Kishy's as talented as they say she is, she could be an asset.
And we could just let her in on a probationary basis.
CALISTA: [HYSTERICALLY.]
Why me?! And I'll talk to the twins about being subordinate in front of the whole troop.
They have a hard time controlling their lady emotions sometimes, but that's no excuse.
I can't believe that sneaky Indian outplayed me.
Me neither.
Sidebar, when you add sneaky before Indian, it does make it seem like a race thing.
What is your role here, Rachel? What do you mean? I'm your number two! That's what I thought.
But as my number two, you were supposed to handle Kishy and managed the twins.
- You failed on both accounts today.
- Calista? Which means this, this nightmare we're in right now, - it's all your fault.
- [FRIGHTENED.]
I I - Yes? Yes? - I [ANGRILY.]
Are you trying to say something? Spit it out! Are you trying to defend yourself but realize you have no defense because this is totally your fault?! Go home.
It's past your bedtime.
I told you that bedtime thing in confidence.
I said go home, Rachel! [music.]