Glee s01e22 Episode Script

1ARC21 - Journey to Regionals

I don't know why anyone would miss an episode of Glee but here's what's been happening in case you did.
Quinn's parents found out she's pregnant, so they kicked her out.
- I needed my mom.
- So it's decided you move in with me.
Jesse dropped Rachel and McKinley and the New Directions and he's back on Vocal Adrenaline, which freaked everybody out and convinced them they can't beat 'em at regionals and if they don't place at regionals the club is over, which would be awful.
And that's what you missed on Glee.
- Hey, buddy, see ya on Saturday.
- Wait What? At regionals.
Didn't you hear? I'm one of the judges.
[School Bell Rings] - You cannot allow this to happen! - It's out of my hands, William! I have no control over what the show choir governing board says or does! Let me break it down for you, Will.
It's been decided that this year's regionals will be judged by celebrities and I'm a celebrity now, William.
Now, I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality.
But face it I'm a legend.
It's happened.
Do you have any idea how hard my kids have been working, Sue? I have to be honest, Will.
I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because your hair looks like a briar patch.
I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about livin' on the bayou.
Principal Figgins, I am begging you, do not let her do this to those kids.
William, I resent the implication that I don't play by the rules.
- You leaked our set list at sectionals, Sue! - I have no memory of that.
I will not let you do this.
We have worked ourselves to the bone to get where we are.
I'm sorry, Will, but our arrangement stands.
You must win or place at regionals, or I'm disbanding the club.
If I were you, I would spend less time complaining to me and more time convincing Judge Sylvester that your New Directions have got the goods.
Good luck with that, Will.
[Moaning] - I can't do this.
- Yes, you can.
Have another wine cooler.
I'm president of the celibacy club.
I took a vow.
So did Santana and Brittany, and I did them.
What about Finn? He's your best friend.
Come on.
We're in high school.
You think either one of us is gonna give a damn about Finn in three years? Life's just a bunch of experiences, you know.
You don't get a medal at the finish line for being good.
You just get dead.
Okay, but you can't tell anybody.
I can't lose my rep.
Our secret, baby.
What about protection? I got it.
Trust me.
This isn't just another hook-up for me.
Tell me one more time.
- You're not fat.
- [Will] Quinn.
Quinn.
Are you all right? It's been a long year.
Yeah.
You need some help with those plates? I'm not due for a month.
Think I can handle a stack of plates.
Right.
I'm Yeah.
Nobody wants any pizza? All right, well, uh, let's get started.
Thank you for coming to the 1 st annual New Directions regionals set list nominations party.
What's the point, Mr.
Schue? Coach Sylvester is one of the judges.
She's gonna crush us.
Artie, you don't know that.
Yes, we do.
She told us at Cheerios practice.
Yeah.
She said, "I'm going to crush Glee Club.
" A whole freaking year.
All that hard work for nothing.
[Crying, Sniffling] I'm sorry.
I just really love you guys.
You know how many Facebook friends I had before I joined Glee Club? Two.
My parents.
Rachel was right.
Being part of something special it made me special.
[Sobbing] I just can't believe it's gonna be over in a week.
Wait.
Who says it's gonna be over? Please.
You think Puck and Santana are gonna even acknowledge my existence once we're not in Glee Club together anymore? She has a point.
Mr.
Schuester? [Sniffles] Do you think instead of nominating songs, we can just all go around the room and talk about things that we loved about Glee Club this year? [Will] It took everything I had not to cry.
It's like they've all walked a thousand miles just to get punched in the stomach.
What exactly are you looking for from me here? [Sighs] Some guidance.
Do you remember when you were gonna quit teaching and become an accountant and I showed you that video of yourself singing at nationals and you said that that was the happiest moment of your life? Do you remember why? Because I loved what I was doing.
And isn't that what you've been drilling into their heads all year that that feeling is way more important than winning or losing? I miss you.
I'm seeing someone.
- What? - H-His name is Carl.
Carl Howell.
He's my dentist.
He's always been very impressed with my oral hygiene.
The last time I was there he was showing me the machines they use to sterilize their tools and he asked me out.
- We've been going out every night since then.
- You two haven't - Sorry.
L-I'm sorry.
- No, that's No, it's fine.
That's fine.
[Clears Throat] I just feel like you and I had our shot, Will.
Thanks for the help.
Um, no, by the way.
We haven't.
[Door Closes] # [Radio: Steel Guitar] # [Continues] ## [Speed Metal] [Journey] # Down the boulevard # #Their shadows # # Searching in the night # # Streetlights # # People # # Livin'just to find emotion # # Hidin' somewhere # # In the night # [School Bell Rings] Hey.
We need to talk.
We had a chance at keeping it together at Mr.
Schue's until you decided to bail.
You're our leader, Rachel.
The way you're on everyone all the time is annoying, but it keeps the club motivated.
You and I are gonna fix this.
We're going to regionals and we're gonna win this thing.
[School Bell Rings] Mr.
Schuester, Finn and I have something we want to say to you.
Me first.
Have a seat.
Nine months ago there were five of you in here.
And we sucked.
I mean, we really sucked.
Bad.
[Laughs] One day all of you are gonna be gone and all of this, all of us will be nothing but a hazy memory.
It will take you a second to remember everyone's name.
Someone will have to remind you of the songs we sung the solos you got or didn't get.
Life only really has one beginning and one end and the rest is just a whole lot of middle.
And I love you guys too much to let you not make the most of it.
Now, I was gonna quit once, but you guys brought me back with "Don't Stop Believin'.
" It was a nine, but we are going to make it a 10.
- We're doing "Don't Stop" at regionals? - And then some.
We are doing a Journey medley.
Because who cares what happens when we get there when the getting there has been so much fun? Rachel, you had something you wanted to say? Just that we're all really glad you didn't become an accountant.
Regionals here we come.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
[Emcee] And now our panel of judges.
He's an international musical sensation a platinum recording artist the inimitable Mr.
Josh Grobanl [Cheering] She's a four-time Grammy winner who starred in the highest-grossing movie musical of all time Ms.
Olivia Newton-Johnl He is the two-time local Emmy winner and broadcasting icon WOHN news anchor Rod Remingtonl She is fresh offher fifth consecutive national cheerleading title and author of the soon-to-be-published memoir I'm a Winner and You're Fat Ohio's homegrown iconoclast, Coach Sue Sylvesterl And now our first performance of the evening from Westvale High in scenic Fort Wayne, Indiana Aural Intensityl - # You raise me up # - # Have to believe we are magic # - ## [Continues] - A mash-up of Olivia Newton-John and Josh Groban? Are you kidding me? Somebody tipped them off about the judges.
We can't get distracted by what the other teams are doing.
We just gotta keep our heads in the game and focus.
- Even though we know we can't win? - Yes.
## [Off] If this is only about winning for you guys then I owe you all an apology because I've failed you and we should just all go home because it means we've already lost.
Besides, we have got something that the other groups don't.
[Artie] What? - Finn's dancing.
Right? Come on! - [Laughing, Chattering] Now let's get out there.
We got two minutes.
Aural Intensity's almost finished.
Bring it in.
Come on.
- Go, go, go, go, go.
And - [All Yelling] [Sighs] Break a leg.
I love you.
[Emcee] Ladies and gentlemen, our second competitors winner of the Central Ohio sectional, McKinley High's New Directionsl - [Applause] - # [Piano] - [Applause] - # [Piano] # Highway run # # Into the midnight sun # # Wheels go round and round # # You're on my mind # # Restless hearts # # Sleep alone tonight # # Sending all my love # # Along the wire # # They say that the road ain't no place to start a family # # Right down the line it's been you and me # #And loving a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be # # Oh, boy, you stand by me # # I'm forever yours # # Faithfully # # Oh-oh-oh-oh # # Faithfully # # Oh-oh-oh-oh # # I'm still yours # # I'm still yours # # Oh-oh-oh-oh # # I'm still yours # # Faithfully # [Cheering, Applause] # Any way you want it That's the way you need it # # Any way you want it # ## [Vocalizing] # She loves to laugh She loves to sing # # She does everything # # She loves to move She loves to groove # # She loves the lovin' things # # It won't be long, yeah # # Till you're alone # # When your lover # # Lover # # Oh, he hasn't come home # - # 'Cause he's lovin' # - # Lovin' # - # He's touchin' # - #Touchin' # # He's squeezin' # - # Another # - # Another # # Any way you want it That's the way you need it # # Any way you want it # # Any way you want it # # He said, any way you want it That's the way you need it # #Any way you want it # # Ohh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-ohh # - # I was alone # - # Ba-dah # - # I never knew # - # Ba-dah # # What good love could do # - # Then we touched # - # Ba-dah # - # Then we sang # - # Ba-dah # # About the lovin' things # - # 'Cause he's lovin' # - # Lovin' # - # He's touchin' # - #Touchin' # # He's squeezin' # - # Another # - # Yeah, yeah # # Any way you want it That's the way you need it # - # Any way you want it # - # A ny way you want it # # He said, any way you want it That's the way you need it # # Any way you want it # # Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Ohh-oh-oh # # Na-na, na-nah-na-nah # # Na-na, na-nah-nah # # Na-na, na-nah-na-nah # # Na-nah, na-nah, na-nah # # A ny way you want it That's the way you need it # - # [Stops] - [Applause, Cheering] - # [Stops] - [Applause, Cheering] ## [Vocalizing] #Just a small-town girl # # Livin' in a lonely world # # She took the midnight train # # Goin' anywhere # # Just a city boy # # Born and raised in South Detroit # # He took the midnight train # # Goin' anywhere # ## [Vocalizing Continues] - # A singer in a smoky room # - [Audience Cheering] #A smell of wine and cheap perfume # # For a smile they can share the night # # It goes on and on and on and on # # Strangers waiting # # Up and down the boulevard # # Their shadows # # Searching in the night # # Streetlight # # People # # Livin'just to find emotion # # Hiding somewhere # # In the night # [Mercedes] # Don't stop # # Don't stop believin' # # Hold on to that feelin' # # Streetlight # # People, ohh-oh-ohh # # Yeah-eah-eah # # Don't stop # - That was awesome! - Oh, my God! We've got second place in the bag! Screw that! We are gonna win this! [Chattering, Laughing] Quinnie.
Mom.
What are you doing here? Is Dad okay? I came to hear you sing.
You were wonderful.
[Laughs] L-I'm so sorry I missed all the other times you performed.
Were there a lot? I left your father.
Well, l-I kicked him out, actually.
He was having an affair with some, uh tattooed freak.
Quinnie I want you to come home with me.
I can turn the guest room into a nursery.
Oh, sweetie, say something.
My water just broke.
# Is this the real life # # Is this just fantasy # # Caught in a landslide # # No escape from reality # # Open your eyes # # Look up to the skies # # And see # # I'm just a poor boy # - # Poor boy # - # I need no sympathy # # Because I'm easy come, easy go # # Little high, little low # # Any way the wind blows # # Doesn't really matter # # To me # # To me # # Mama # # Just killed a man # # Put a gun against his head # # Pulled my trigger Now he's dead # - # Mama # - Mom, it hurts so bad! - # Life had just # - My daughter is having her baby! # Begun # # But now I've gone and thrown it all away # Wait! Wait! I want Mercedes with me too.
# Mama Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # # Didn't mean to make you cry # # If I'm not back again this time tomorrow # # Carry on, carry on # # As if nothing really matters # # Too late # # My time has come # # Sends shivers down my spine # # Body's achin' all the time # # Good-bye, everybody # # I've got to go # # Gotta leave you all behind # # And face the truth # - Mama! [Groaning] - # Mama # - # Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh # - #Any way the wind blows # - [Screaming] - # I don't wanna die # # I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all # [Groaning] It's never coming! Ever! Shut up! [Grunts] You suck, you suck, you suck, you suckl [Sobbing] [Quinn Screams] - Come on! - [Groans Loudly] # I see a little silhouetto of a man # # Scaramouch, scaramouch Will you do the fandango # # Thunderbolt and lightning Very, very frightening, me # - # Galileo # - # Galileo # - # Galileo # - # Galileo # # Galileo, Figaro Magnifico-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh # # I 'm just a poor boy Nobody loves me # # He's just a poor boy from a poor family # # Spare him his life from this monstrosity # # Easy come, easy go Will you let me go # # Bismillah, no We will not let you go # - Let me go! - # Bismillah We will not let you go # - Let me go! - # Bismillah # - # We will not let you go # - Let me go! - # Will not let you go Will not let you go # - [Groaning] # Ohh-ohh-ohh # - # No, no, no, no, no, no, no # - No, no, no, no! No, no, no! - # O mama mia, mama mia # - She's crowning! - # Mama mia, let me go # - Push, baby! - # Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me # - Come on, Quinn! Push! - # For me, for me # - [Screaming] # So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye # # So you think you can love me and leave me to die # # Ohh, baby # # Can't do this to me, baby # # Just gotta get out # # Just gotta get right out of here # ## [Vocalizing] # Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah # # Nothing really matters # # A nyone can see # # Nothing really matters # # Nothing really matters # # To me # # A ny way the wind blows # # [Ends] Hi.
Congratulations.
[Door Closes] - Thanks, Rachel.
- But we beat you today.
Jesse's a good singer but you and I both know he doesn't have much heart and that Vocal Adrenaline's best days are behind it.
So I have a proposition for you.
Come teach at McKinley.
- Excuse me? - You and Mr.
Schuester could be co-directors.
We'd be unstoppable.
There's so much that you can teach me.
So much only you can teach me.
Oh, Rachel, I can't do this anymore.
I'm tired of coaching Glee Club.
I want a life.
It took meeting you to realize all this stuff that I missed out on.
I need some balance, you know? I need a house and a garden and a dog a family.
I missed out on my chance with you, and it kills me and I can't let that happen again.
Where's the rest of your team? They're, uh They're at the hospital.
Quinn had her baby.
- Is she okay? - Yeah, she's fine.
It was, um It was a beautiful baby girl.
Newton-John, you're dead to me.
Remington, Horsey, have a seat and listen up.
I don't care who comes in first, I don't care who places second but I have a very strong opinion about who comes in third.
Sue, if I may, that "Bohemian Rhapsody" had me a-movin' and a-shakin'.
I'm talkin' old school.
You know, I partied with Freddie Mercury back in the '70s, and I partied hard if you know what I mean.
Back then people weren't so obsessed with labels.
I, for one, was offended that only one of the groups chose to honor me in song.
- I think Aural Intensity should win.
- Yes? Two questions.
One: Are you single? And two: How about those New Directions? I liked them.
I thought they had a lot of heart.
Heart? Oh, please! Talk about blatant tokenism.
That whole "We're inspiring" "We're a ragtag bunch of misfits" thing is so 2009.
I couldn't agree more.
Let's vote.
The production values simply weren't there.
Couldn't they afford better costumes? Are they a poor person's school? I thought that brunette had an amazing voice.
Brunettes have no place in show business.
Come on.
They're just kids.
That's no excuse.
By the time I was 14 I'd already formed a band.
When Josh Groban was their age he was already in The Mickey Mouse Club or something.
As the only educator here, let me point out that not all kids are afforded the same opportunities as others.
Is that what you tell yourself to get to sleep at night? Some people just simply don't have talent.
[Chuckles] You think you're a celebrity.
You're not.
You just try hard.
That's about it.
Olivia Newton-John has a valid point here.
You have a lot in common with those kids at your school, Sue.
Underachievers with delusions of grandeur.
Dagnab it! Even I have to admit, I'm a little confused as to what Sue is doing in this room.
- Wasn't the theme supposed to be CelebrityJudges? - Kiss my ass, Josh Groban! I am an internationally ranked cheerleading coach! Who lives in Ohio.
When this is done today, Josh and I are flying back to L.
A.
First class.
You'll be staying here just like those kids.
I think we've all made up our minds.
Let's vote.
[Cheering, Applause] [Microphone Feedback] Thank you all for coming.
As you all know, Glee Club is such an important And I honestly can't even finish that sentence, so let's just get to it.
The 2010 Midwest Regional runners-up from Fort Wayne, Indiana the not-at-all-stupidly named Aural Intensityl [Cheering, Whooping] [Sue] Very good.
And now, your 2010 Midwest Regionals Show Choir champions - Vocal Adrenaline! - [Cheering, Applause] [Cheering, Applause Fades] [Vocal Adrenaline Chanting] Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse! We didn't even place.
She looks like you.
Do you want to keep her? No.
Do you? Did you love me? Yes.
Especially now.
Which one is yours? What are you doing here? I see her now.
[Laughs] She looks like you.
Does she have a name? - No.
- Beth.
Pretty.
- I like that name.
- [School Bell Rings] - How can you even call yourself a principal? - Okay, this is it! This is not caring about the childrenl You don't even care about theml Emma.
Emma! What was that about? It's just so unfair.
Your kids have worked so hard for this.
- He's already given your choir room to the mock U.
N.
- A deal's a deal.
- We lost, Emma.
- Because Sue cheated! She cheated! And where do you think all that money's going? Right into her pocket! We can't let her win this one.
How can you be so calm? How can you give up so easily? I tried, Emma.
Okay? - L-It's over.
- No.
No.
It's never over.
I don't care what anybody says.
Some things are worth fighting for.
- You mean the kids.
- Yes, of course.
- Anything else? - No.
No, this is about the Glee Club.
This is not about us.
The hell it isn't.
I love you, Emma.
There.
I finally said it.
And you love me.
And dentist or no, this thing isn't over between us.
[Gasps] - Mr.
Schuester? - Yeah? - Can you please come to the auditorium? - Sure.
So, we have something we need to say to you.
In the beginning of this year I was just another football player.
- I had a stutter.
- I was the closeted diva.
I used to be captain of the Cheerios.
I was afraid to dance outside my room.
- I hated everyone in this club.
- So did I.
I wasn't honest about who I was.
I was tossing kids into Dumpsters.
I had never kissed a girl before.
And I was getting Slusheed.
I didn't I didn't have a father Someone I could look up to model myself after.
Someone who could show me what it really meant to be a man.
We don't care what the judges say.
We won because we had you as a teacher.
And Glee Club will never end, Mr.
Schue, because you are Glee Club and you're in all of us now.
# Those schoolgirl days # # Of telling tales # # And biting nails are gone # # But in my mind # # I know they will # # Still live on and on # # But how do you thank someone # # Who has taken you from crayons to perfume # # Oh, it isn't easy # # But I'll try # # If you wanted the sky # # I would write across the sky in letters # # That would soar a thousand feet high # # To Sir # # With love # # The time has come # # For closing books # # And long last looks must end # # And as I leave # # I know that I # # A m leaving my best friend # # A friend who taught me right from wrong # # And weak from strong # # That's a lot to learn # # What can I give you in return # # Oh, if you wanted the moon # # I would try to make a start # # But I # # Would rather you let me # # Give my heart # # To Sir # # With love # # [Ends] [School Bell Rings] It's as barren as me in here, Will.
Movin' on to greener pastures? - Did you just come to gloat, Sue? - Mostly.
Well, congratulations.
You got what you wanted.
- I should shake your hand.
- Not unless you got some hand sanitizer.
I've seen that car you drive.
I don't wanna catch "poor.
" Explain something to me.
Maybe we weren't good enough yet to beat Vocal Adrenaline.
Fine.
But we were so much better than Aural Intensity.
Oh, William, I can't reveal how the voting went down.
That would betray my sacred oath as a judge or something.
The results simply show the other clubs to be more deserving.
All I can say is, casting my vote was easy.
It reflected exactly how I felt in my heart about which team should win.
Well, Sue, congratulations.
You win.
I lose.
The kids lose.
I know you think I'm heartless, Will and you may have a point.
I spend large segments of each day picturing you choking on food.
And I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer 'cause I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink, enflamed monkey butts that weeps lymph.
And I know that you think I'm a bad person because I remain unmoved by your nattering of trite platitudes to your ill-shapen students about how the human condition can be improved by, yes, singing about it.
And I've proven that I can wipe you and your Glee Club off the face of this earth.
But what kind of a world would that be, Will? A world where I couldn't constantly ridicule your hair.
A world where I couldn't make fun of you for tearing up more than Michael Landon in a sweeps week's episode of Little House on the Prairie.
And you know what, Will? Sue Sylvester's not sure she wants to live in that kind of world.
So I had a little talk with Figgins.
Glee Club gets another year.
I get what I want.
Do you really not understand how this sexual blackmail thing works? Enough, Sue.
I will not be blackmailed by you anymore.
I will tell my wife of our heated sexual congress before I will be bullied by you again! One last chit, Figgy.
Give the Glee Club another year, and I won't mention us making the Beast with Two Backs again.
Huh? - We have another year? - You're a good teacher, Will.
I don't like you so much, but I admire you and the work you're doing with your kids.
I really do.
Bon chance, William.
I relish the thought of another full year of constantly besting you.
You know, Sue inside you're a really good person.
- You have a heart.
- Okay, let go of my hand.
Hey.
I appreciate what you're doing for these kids.
I won't forget it.
I'm seriously gonna puke in your mouth.
We've got another year.
- What? - What? - [Chattering] - Come on! We got another year! - [Cheering, Screaming] - Oh, my God! Oh, my Godl Oh, my Godl Are you serious? [Laughing] Whoa! [Laughing] Oh, my God! Okay, you guys, I think this is the perfect opportunity for us to start rehearsing for next year's sectionals immediately You've all worked really hard this year.
You deserve a break.
Take the summer off.
Have some fun.
Oh, but before you go I have something for you.
You all sang for me the other day so today I'd like to return the favor.
Puck, if you're ready.
# Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh # # Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh # # Ooh-ooh-ooh # # Somewhere # # Over the rainbow # # Way up high # # There's a land # # That I dreamed of # # Once in a lullaby # # High, high # # High # # Oh, somewhere # # Over the rainbow # # Skies are blue # # A nd the dreams # # That you dare to dream really do # # Come true-ue-ue # # Oooh-ooh-ooh # All the adoption papers seem to be in order, but there's no name on the birth certificate yet.
It's Beth.
# Oh, someday I'll wish upon a star # # And wake up where the clouds are far # # Behind # # Me # # Where troubles melt like lemon drops # # High above the chimney tops # # That's where # # You'll find me # # Oh, somewhere # # Over the rainbow # # Bluebirds fly # # Birds fly # # Over the rainbow # # Why then, oh, why # # Can't I, I, I # # I, I, I ## # [Vocalizing] # [Harmonic Vocalizing] # [Ends]