Glee s04e11 Episode Script

Sadie Hawkins

So here's what you missed on Glee: The New Directions! lost to the Warblers at Sectionals when Marley collapsed in the middle of the show The New Directions! are finished.
so Sue took over the choir room, and now the Glee Club's homeless.
Puck went back to Lima after striking out in L.
, and he and Jake used to just be half-brothers, but now they're, like, bros.
Jake and Marley are almost an item, and Kurt got a surprise audition to NYADA, and he totally got in.
That's what you missed on Glee.
I'm telling you, it's been keeping me up at night.
Something weird's going on with the Warblers.
They're doing all those weird flips and superhuman jumps at Sectionals.
Exactly, that's why they won.
And where was Roundfaced Warbler? You said he was there when you went back to Dalton, but come Sectionals, poof, he's gone.
So, what are you saying? I think they cheated at Sectionals.
Sam, you can't make accusations like that without any kind of evidence.
Well, then, I'll find some evidence.
Do you have any lip balm I can use? What? Conspiracy theories make my lips get all chapped.
Come on dude, it's not weird.
We're like brothers.
Yeah, um, sure.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Guys? You're late.
I know.
It's not This meeting of the McKinley High Student Council is now in session.
First order of business: Secretary Cohen-Chang, will you please read the minutes from last meeting? Sam did a Daniel Craig impression for 45 minutes.
I'll have it shaken and stirred, too.
That was fantastic.
Thank you, Secretary Cohen-Chang.
Treasurer Motta, uh, if we could go through the budget appropriations we were talking about last Yes, Tina? It is now officially where all the hot girls get immediately snatched up by all the hot guys, then the sort of hot girls get asked out by the sort of hot guys, and then all the rest of us have to sit around and wait for all the nerds and the freaks and the burn-outs and the losers to work up some courage and ask us out to the most awkward night of heavy petting we're likely to get till we wake up in a nursing home getting groped by an orderly.
Okay, well, the record, I think you're totally sort of hot.
Like, if I was, like, in a bunker with you, I would totally hit that.
Tina, what are you suggesting? I propose the First Annual McKinley High Sadie Hawkins Dance.
It's what you call a dance where the girls ask the guys.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Why not? It was the topic of discussion at the last meeting of the.
"Too Young to Be Bitter Club.
" Ever since I dated Puckerman, no one will ask me to a dance.
I think everyone assumes you have herpes.
No one asks me to dances 'cause I have such clammy hands.
I'm a hot piece of ass and I want to shake this sweet thing on a dance floor.
Becky is right, if I understood what she said correctly.
Why are the guys so empowered to ask us to a dance when we just have to sit around and wait? Wouldn't it be great if we got to choose? All in favor of a dance where the girls ask the guys W-Wait wait, wait a second.
Hold on just one It's official.
Get ready for the first annual McKinley High Sadie Hawkins Dance.
My first week at NYADA, and the most surprising thing about college is it's just like high school.
It's all about the cliques.
The stage combat majors are the jocks.
Classical acting majors are the preps.
The ballerinas are the mean girls, and if they're at the top of the social pyramid, then, once again, I'm at the bottom.
I assumed Rachel and I would be as inseparable as the twins in Side Show, but she's always rushing off to help Brody with something that requires him to be shirtless.
All right, Brody has an The Musical, so I'm gonna go help him.
I'll see you at home later.
And I love you.
The truth is this guy needs to start making new friends, and just like in high school, the best way to do that is extracurriculars.
Let's see, the Elizabethan Society, the Grand Guignol Club, the Tennessee Williams Play Reading Group, and What's Adam's Apples? NYADA's show choir; You should join.
It's super fun.
I feel totally powerless.
Okay, any second any girl could just come up and ask us to the dance, and it will be very hard to say no.
Or worse, no one asks us at all.
This must be what the girls feel like all the time.
It is.
Whoo! Hey, Finn, want to arm wrestle? It'll really get your blood flowing.
Not today, Coach.
Anyone? Hey, pumpkin, I heard about Sue taking over your choir room.
I'm really sorry about that.
Yeah, yeah, it's been pretty rough.
I feel like we're the Fugees or something, just bouncing around from available classroom to available classroom.
You wait, you mean like refugees? Yeah.
I mean, it's great we're still together as a group, but without competitions, I have to come up with something fun and interesting on a weekly basis just to keep everybody involved, and this week I'm just stuck.
It's a no-brainer.
The Sadie Hawkins Dance.
Well, no offense, but how am I supposed to make a lesson out of a dumb school dance? When I was in high school, girls like me didn't get asked out.
So the only dance I could go to was Sadie Hawkins.
I asked the preacher's son.
He was stoned the whole time, but we had a ball.
Going to that dance gave me the courage and the confidence to join the football team.
I was the first girl in Missouri to ever do it.
Sadie Hawkins is a metaphor for empowerment, and not just for women, but for everyone who is sick and tired of the status quo.
I want to sit under Venus.
I want to sit under Uranus.
What's so funny? So this week in Glee Club, it's ladies' choice, inspired by the Sadie Hawkins Dance.
Which I thought of.
It was my idea.
Yes, thank you, Tina.
And every girl will sing to whoever they want to take to the dance.
Well, I, for one, love this lesson.
I've got a song I want to sing to somebody.
I can sing high and sing low I can sing high and sing low Kurt, he's still sleeping.
Would you like some tea? Yes, I would, but shh.
Brody's here? Did he spend the night? Yeah.
We had dinner last night at Balthazar, and he insisted on taking me home.
You know, the train ride back to Manhattan's really long, so I just invited him to stay over.
Oh, Rachel Berry, I am scandalized.
Well, I just I seized the moment.
I really, I like him, and I'm tired of second-guessing something that feels so right.
Well, as long as you're happy and I have a white noise machine, I guess I'm happy, too.
How are you? How was your first week? It was good, you know, a little lonely, but I was thinking to meet people, I would join the show choir called the Adam's Apples.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Listen to me, there is a very rigid performing arts hierarchy at NYADA, and show choir is, like, it's the lowest of the low.
It's beneath stage managers and carpenters.
That is social and career suicide.
But at McKinley We're not at McKinley anymore.
And we're done being underdogs; If you want to join a club, just do anything but the Adam's Apples.
That's what all the future chorus kids do.
If you do show choir in college, all right, you might as well be doomed to a life of playing a dancing teapot at Disneyland.
All right, so Tina is ready to present her solo and make her choice.
Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for Tina Cohen-Chang.
Whoo! Whoo! Thank you, Finn.
For my song, I'll be performing.
"I Don't Know How to Love Him" from Jesus Christ Superstar.
It's about the pain of unrequited love and Yeah, okay, just wrap it up.
Beiste needs the locker room at 4:30.
Hit it.
Who do you think she's asking? The only obvious choice in the room.
A charming debonair figure from her past.
A forbidden love she let slip through her fingers.
Unique? Really? I don't know how to love him What to do How to move him I've been changed Yes, really changed In these past few days When I've seen myself I seem like someone else Don't you think it's rather funny I should be in this position I'm the one who's always been So calm, so cool No lover's fool Running every show He scares me so I never thought I'd come to this What's it all about? What's it all about? Yet, if he said he loved me I'd be lost I'd be frightened I couldn't cope Just couldn't cope I'd turn my head I'd back away I wouldn't want to know He scares me so Ooh, I want him so I love him so.
Okay, let's hear it for Tina.
Tina! Whoo! Tina! Tina! So Blaine, will you go to the dance with me? Oh, uh Wow, um, Tina I don't know what to say.
Um no.
Thank you, but no, no, thank you.
You're thinking about signing up, aren't you? Oh, uh, maybe.
I You are? Adam, a senior and founder and fearless leader of the Adam's Apples, the group you are very seriously considering joining.
I'm Kurt.
Kurt Hummel.
Your Winter Showcase performance was breathtaking.
But now you're here, and you're wondering where you fit in and how can college be so much like high school, and you want to join my group, but you're aware it's a step backwards, and no, I'm not a mind-reader, I'm just astute, like you.
We need you; we want you.
Well, I'm very impressed you said all that in one breath, but I don't think I'll be joining.
Man, a hard sell.
I respect that, but I'm not willing to go down without a fight; Come hear us sing.
No strings attached.
No secret time-share condo Ponzi scheme.
Just our voices and your ears.
I present to you the Adam's Apples.
face with the Oakland booty I like big butts and I cannot lie You other brothers can't deny When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist And a round thing in your face, you get sprung You want to pull up tough You noticed that butt was stuffed Deep in the jeans she's wearing I'm hooked and I can't stop staring I'm tired of magazines Saying flat butts are the thing Take your average black man and ask him that She got to pack much back So fellas Yeah Fellas Yeah Has your girlfriend got the butt? Tell her to shake it Shake it Shake that healthy butt Baby got back L.
face with the Oakland booty Booty, booty Baby got back L.
face with an Oakland booty Booty Baby got back A word to the freak soul sisters I wanna get wit' cha I won't cuss or hit ya But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna Till the break of dawn Baby got it goin' on A lot of simps won't like this song 'Cause them punks like to hit it And quit it And I'd rather stay and play So ladies Yeah Ladies Yeah If you want to roll in my Mercedes Then turn around And stick it out Even white boys gotta shout Baby got back L.
face with the Oakland booty, booty Baby got back L.
face with the Oakland booty, booty Baby got back L.
face with the Oakland booty Booty Baby got back Booty, booty, booty Booty Baby got back.
Hey, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.
Uh, my name is Brittany.
I know.
I just wasn't sure.
We've never actually had a conversation before, and this is exciting.
I noticed that whenever you look at Jake, you get a really sad look on your face, and if it's quiet enough, I can actually hear that you're whimpering like a suckling puppy.
I think you want to ask him to the dance and you're afraid to.
We went out on a couple dates, and it was really, really nice.
This is my locker.
But then, after I fainted at Sectionals, he started acting really strange.
He stopped calling me and he's acting all mysterious.
So can I make a suggestion then? You need to find your power and I'm gonna help you do that.
How? Where are you going? We're gonna sing a song together, and the music usually starts when I say something like, "It's Brittany, bitch," or I do one of my magical turns.
I know something about love You've gotta want it bad If that guy's got into your blood Go out and get him Do-do-do If you want him to be The very part of you Makes you want to breathe Here's the thing to do Tell him that you're never gonna leave him Tell him that you're always gonna love him Tell him, tell him Tell him, tell him right now I know something about love You've got to show it and Make him see the moon up above Reach out and get him If you want him to be Always by your side If you want him to Only think of you Tell him that you're never gonna leave him Tell him that you're always gonna love him Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now Ever since the world began It's been that way for man And women were created To make love their destiny Then why should true love be So complicated Oh, yeah, oh Tell him that you're never gonna leave him Tell him that you're always gonna love him Tell him, tell him, tell him, tell him right now Girl, you've got to tell him Tell him that you're never gonna leave him Tell him that you're always gonna love him Tell him, tell him, tell him Tell him right now Just take his hand in yours and tell Tell him, tell him Tell him, tell him right now.
Jake! I mean, I mean Jake, would you like to go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me? Yes.
Yes, I would.
Okay, uh, anyone else? Sam, Mm-hmm? Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me? Honor it would be.
Thank you.
Okay, I'm gonna get right to it.
Dump the bulimic loser and go to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with me.
What are you talking about? I thought you and Marley were friends now.
Duh, we are.
I'm still gonna gaslight her every chance I get.
Look, I realize Marley's super sweet, and I'm sure you have great conversations when you share milkshakes down at the drive-in about how you both love President Eisenhower.
But good luck getting past first base with that girl.
I, on the other hand, could offer you a little bit more.
Oh, really? I thought you were the good Christian virgin type.
I was.
But I've had a change of heart.
Decided to play by my own rules.
You have needs.
Are you really sure Marley's up for the job? I owe you an apology.
I also think you sort of owe me an apology because that was maybe the most humiliating moment I've experienced in Glee Club, and that's saying something.
But still I'm sorry.
I forgot that story you told about your old school.
How the whole reason you transferred to Dalton was because you got bullied at a Sadie Hawkins Dance.
No wonder you don't want to go.
I apologize.
Thank you, Tina, but that's not why I can't go to the dance with you.
Then what is the reason? I-I can't tell you that.
It-s-it's really embarrassing.
I swear to God I-I won't tell anyone.
I have a crush on somebody, and I don't want to go to a dance where everyone's gonna be romantic there but me.
Who? Who is it? It's-it's a guy and he's straight and he doesn't know that I like him.
I swear to God I won't tell anyone.
I'm not some predatory gay, so nothing's gonna happen.
Who is it? Tell me, Blaine.
Y-You can trust me.
It's Sam.
Look at this.
This is Hunter Clarington two years ago.
Look how skinny his head is.
Okay, this is him now.
Look how much thicker his head is! So maybe he started working out.
What, doing skull-widening exercises? Dude, human growth hormone! HGH! Same thing happened to Mark McGwire And Kirstie Alley and Drew Carey and Star Jones and Aretha Franklin, Cedric the Entertainer It's so stupid.
It's not stupid.
I know what it's like to have a crush on someone who's never gonna love you back.
I know it's all just a fantasy.
I-I mean I'm proud of our relationship.
I'm proud the gay guy can be friends with the straight guy.
I'm proud of showing the school that.
I just I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, you know? Blaine you miss Kurt.
You need someplace to put your love, right? I guess.
And then there are those lips Those lips.
Yes, those lips.
And when he does all those impressions? It's pure crushable crack.
Hello, soul sister.
Isn't that Mr.
Mister on the radio? Stereo? The way you look ain't fair, you know.
Okay here's what we're gonna do about your very human and moving dilemma.
We are going to the Sadie Hawkins Dance together.
We'll go as best friends, and we're gonna have the most fun night ever.
Okay? Come on.
I mean, I don't know what to do.
Marley is such a great girl and I really do want to be a good guy, but it's, like Okay.
Let me stop you right there.
Young guys like you think you have to hit a home run every time.
But as long as you're getting on base, you're always in position to score.
No, you don't understand.
I'm not even getting on base.
And all of a sudden.
Kitty's inviting me to the Home Run Derby.
Look at me.
I'm your hitting coach, and I'm waving you off.
Seriously? I mean, it's, like, a sure thing.
Yeah, it's sure to be some of the best and weirdest toe-curling you'll ever have, but it's also sure to ruin your life.
I had every flavor of Cheerio you can imagine.
Original, Honey Nut.
Did it really mean anything? No.
I mean, you really like this Marley chick, right? You got to resist that Jesus-loving little devil.
Okay, but Kitty is all up on me.
She's not going away.
Don't you worry, little brother from a different-colored mother.
I'll make her go away.
Okay, so Brody said he's gonna meet me at the library to go downtown.
Do you want to come? No, no, thanks; I don't want to be a haggy third wheel on your guys's date.
Come on, you won't be.
All right, you know what I can't wait for? I can't wait for you to find the new man of your dreams.
And then me, you, him, and Brody can all go on double-dates together, and it'll be so much fun.
I really feel like it's gonna happen soon.
Actually, there is someone that I have my eye on.
Oh, my God.
Who? Is it Raul Esparza? No, I wish.
'Cause that would be great.
No, he goes to school with us, but, I don't know, lately things have been happening, and I'm just gonna try and figure out if he likes me.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof? Hi, uh it's for the Tennessee Williams Play-Reading Club.
You'd make a fantastic Brick.
Kind of look like a young Paul Newman.
Hey, Kurt.
Nice plié.
Oh Hi, again.
Uh, no.
Uh, my ex-boyfriend was more of the dancer in in our relationship.
Let's try this again.
Hey, Kurt.
Nice plié.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Oh, my God, he is totally crushing on you! What is his name? I-I don't want to jinx it, okay? I mean, he's 22, sophisticated, handsome.
Just not what he wants to be with me.
Oh, God, Kurt, you are a catch, okay? And now that, you know, things with you and Blaine are good, and you're finally over the breakup, I think it's really time for you to put yourself out there, you know? Hey, look, if this guy doesn't want to ask you out, then you ask him out, okay? I promise you, it'll be worth the risk.
There's nothing like being in love in New York.
Love? Already? What can I say? Things move fast here.
It's not like high school.
Says the girl who almost got married before graduation.
Seize the moment! Do it! It'll be worth it.
I'm going to keep this simple, for my sake as much as yours.
Stay away from my little bro.
He's not interested in your skanky Meow Mix.
Speaking of things that are past their freshness date, didn't you graduate barely? I recently relocated back to Lima.
I find it to be a less distracting environment to focus on my screenwriting.
Don't you have to be able to spell to be a writer? I know how to spell.
Leave my brother A-L-O-N.
I understand the Puckerman musk is impossible for chicks to resist.
We're like chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven.
Sure you know we're not good for you, but one whiff of our fresh-baked goodness, and the next thing you know, you're lying in bed, covered in crumbs, crying.
Jake is fighting his instincts.
He's trying to be a good guy.
If you really like him, you'll back off and give him a chance to do the right thing.
I don't like Jake.
I'm a mean, hot, bitch that likes to get what she wants.
Well, it's not gonna happen.
I'm not going to let it happen, so all you're going to do is get rejected and embarrass yourself.
Fair point.
But I certainly can't go to the dance alone.
What are you doing Saturday night? You want to go with me? It's depressing that you hang around school, but you're just hot enough to pull it off.
I assume vintage Puckerman is just as tasty.
It's better, but you can't handle me.
You're used to dealing with amateurs.
I'm professional.
What's the difference? Amateurs have threesomes.
Professionals have foursomes.
I've seen things, done things that would keep you up at night.
You want to keep me away from your brother? Give me a big old yarn ball of muscles to distract me.
Aren't you underage? I have a fake I.
Good enough for me.
It's Sadie Hawkins, so, I assume that means you're paying for everything.
And if you want to get all up in this, I expect to be fed.
I'll pick you up at 7:00.
We can swing by the drive-through.
And my dates are always underwear-optional.
Tina, these decorations are incredible.
Well, Sadie Hawkins Dances are sometimes called "Snowballs," so that's where I got the idea for a snowflake theme.
I'm really glad that you invited me to this.
No Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from what happened before? I thought there might be, but no.
I'm thrilled.
What's up, McKinley? We've got quite the set.
We'd like to dedicate this song to all the strong, proud and empowered ladies who stuck their necks out to make this happen.
This week, you showed us what it feels like to wait anxiously by the phone that never rings.
The horror when all your friends get asked to the dance, and you don't, and you have to sit there All right, cool.
Thank you, Artie.
This next one's for all the, uh, powerful women out there.
Ooh-ooh ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Yeah Uh A scrub is a guy that thinks he's fly And is also known as a buster Always talkin' about what he wants And just sits on his broke ass, so No I don't want your number No No, I don't want to give you mine and No No, I don't want to meet you nowhere No No, I don't want none of your time and No, I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride Trying to holler at me I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy That can't get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride Trying to holler at me If you don't have a car and you're walking Oh, yes, son, I'm talking to you Ooh, ooh-ooh If you live at home With your mama, oh, yes, son I'm talking to you I'm talking to you, baby If you have a shorty, but you don't show love Oh, yes, son, I'm talking to you Wanna get with me with no money Oh, no, I don't want No, oh No scrub No scrub No, I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride Trying to holler at me I don't want no scrub No scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride Trying to holler at me I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me.
You're awesome.
You're awesome.
I really like you, Jake.
But I have this problem.
I always assume the best in people.
That's my favorite thing about you, besides your eyes.
I lost my balance and I got in her way Thanks.
It's just when you assume the best like that, you tend to miss stuff, like signs.
Like when someone's about to hurt you.
You're safe with me, okay? How can I convince you? I need you to be with me and only me.
And I need to take things slow.
If you can agree to that, I think we could have the best time, but if not, then, I'm sorry, I I just can't.
Oh, hey! I'll be right back.
You know you're sweeter than a tangerine What's the problem here, single ladies? Unless you're beat up like me from riding a buffalo down at the state fair, you should be out on the dance floor.
This ain't a dance for flowers to sprout on the wall.
Get out there and spread your petals.
We're not flowers.
We're losers.
And this dance only doubled how pathetic I already feel.
Look, there's Brett! Hi, Brett.
Girls, take it from a former wallflower myself.
Life's not about waiting to be asked, and neither is this dance.
Now, get out there and get what's yours.
Just remember one thing: The worst he could say is no.
You lift me up Don't you ever stop I'm here with you I will if you will.
Now it's all or nothing Oh, hey, Kurt, I was just thinking about you.
Thoughts on a Sondheim super mash-up? Like epic to the power of epic.
We'll all probably die while singing it.
You in? I'm in.
Hey, Adam I was wondering Do you want to dance? What you gonna do when the love burns down? Artie, will you dance with me? Would you ever want to get a drink or or a coffee sometime? Yes Yes Yeah, that'd be great.
Here, let me give you my number.
Stay until your love is Alive and kicking Stay until your love is This is so nice.
It is, isn't it? I told you this would be fun.
You were so right.
You know, I love your new attitude these days.
It's so empowered.
I love your everything.
You're perfect.
Oh, Tina Cohen-Chang, where have you been all my life? Right here.
Dude I need you.
Huge breakthrough in the case.
Wait! Blaine and I were just about to About to what? To keep dancing.
I'm sorry, Tina; this is bigger than all of us.
I gotta go.
Did you not hear me?! - Where are you? - Let's go! You can dance with us.
Yeah, McKinley! Okay, a friendly reminder: Uh, don't eat the snowflakes.
They're fake.
And the glitter sticks to the roof of your mouth.
All right, ladies, grab your date and get on the dance floor! Because the guys were just a warm-up Us! Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Uh Oh, yeah, yeah oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Uh Never had much faith in love or miracles Miracles Uh Never wanna put my heart on the line Uh Swimming in your world Is something spiritual Spiritual, uh I'm gonna get every time you spend the night Uh 'Cause your sex takes me to paradise Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise And it sho-o-o-ows Yeah, yeah, yeah 'Cause you make me feel like Like I've been locked out of heaven Heaven For too lo-o-o-ong Oh, oh, oh Lo-o-o-ong For too lo-o-o-ong Yeah, you make me feel like Like I've been locked out of heaven Heaven For too lo-o-o-ong Lo-o-o-ong For too lo-o-o-o-ong Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Yeah, yeah, yeah Can I just stay here? Can I just stay here? Spend the rest of my days here? Whoa, whoa 'Cause you make me feel like You make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven Ooh, oh-oh-oh For too lo-o-o-ong For too lo-o-o-o-ong Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven Heaven For too lo-o-o-ong For too long For too lo-o-o-o-ng Oh-oh, oh-ong Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Oh, yeah, eh, eh Yeah, eh, eh, eh Ah Ooh, ooh, ooh Oh, yeah, yeah Oh, yeah, eh, eh, eh Eh, eh, eh, eh Ah.
for days like this I'm like a, like an orange soda 'Cause my skin is sun-kissed Everybody bust to the right, now Look, I usually avoid dating Jewish guys on account of your people killing my Jesus.
I was willing to make an exception because of your biceps, but I'm gonna have to end this little experiment in religious tolerance if you don't stop dancing like an idiot.
One night with me, and I'll have you studying for your Bat Mitzvah.
Not a chance.
I like bacon too much.
I read your screenplay, you know.
Why didn't you tell me? I gave it to you, like, three days ago.
It took me that long to get through all the spelling errors.
Have you heard of spell check? No.
Anyways, it's actually really good.
You really think so? The pool boy at the White House is the only one who can save the President from alien terrorist aquatic pythons? I am sold.
I like Keanu for the lead.
You have promise.
I really think you could be a screenwriter.
If you're done dancing like you lost your leg in a motorcycle accident, why don't we back to my car and have at each other in the back seat? Right on.
But I have to warn you, I get pretty hungry after sex, so we should make it quick, 'cause Sonic Burger closes in an hour.
Makes the boys say "Hello" On this P-A-R-T-Y All night long, we gon' party till dawn Look at the pictures, Finn.
It's not just Hunter.
Half the Warblers have gained ten pounds of muscle since they joined the team.
I already looked into this.
This is a weight training regimen that they stole from Vocal Adrenaline.
You can't just go from being a twig to Jean-Claude Van Damme in a few months.
Tell him, Sam.
Look, the average male gains up to two pounds of muscle per month fact! And that's without cheating.
We looked it up online.
Plus, uh Look at this cell phone video that Artie and Joe Hart took down at the Lima Bean the other day.
What the hell is this? Did you put Splenda in my latte? You're a barista! You don't think! You need to remember like six things Here comes the biscotti throw.
And one of them is that the sugar comes in the brown packet and the Splenda is in the yellow! I freaking hate Splenda! It tastes like pencils! Why are you putting pencils in my latte?! Now, that is 'roid rage and you know it.
Look, chapter seven, subsection 16, rule four, line nine.
"Any team using performance-enhancing drugs," including amphetamines, anabolic steroid, human growth hormone or Four Loko will be automatically disqualified from competition.
The rule is retroactive, so if we can prove that they used at Sectionals, they'll have to forfeit and we'll win.
Glee Club is back.
Blam! Guys, what you are asking me to do here is beyond serious.
The Warblers are, like, one of the most respected glee clubs in the country.
To accuse them of this when-when all we have for proof is photos of some dudes' heads and a-a cell phone video? Look, I want Glee Club back just as much as you guys, but this isn't enough.
We need more real proof.
We have some.
I knew when Trent didn't perform with the Warblers at Sectionals that something was up.
Yeah, he is kind of like the sunshine of the group, isn't he? Blaine and I joined the Warblers together.
It was a band of brothers, a group joined by harmony and honor.
And then Blaine left and Sebastian came, then Hunter They just chipped away at everything that was good and special about us.
Winning was everything.
I mean, you took the shots or you didn't perform.
Singing with the Warblers is my life, but I couldn't do it.
My hormones can't handle heroic doses of testosterone.
Get over here.
What are you, afraid? I'm not doing this.
I don't even shave yet.
The Warblers mean everything to me, and it's killing me to betray them like this.
You're not betraying them.
Hunter betrayed the Warblers, you're saving them.
Yeah, that's what they said about Brutus.
And Cassius.
Look, if I go public with this, then the Warblers' reputation it's ruined forever.
Years of honorable melodies and harmonies, all forgotten.
Look, the Warblers' reputation was ruined the second they decided to cheat to win.
So, what do you say? Will you do this? Will you testify against the Warblers? Hey, sorry I'm late.
What are you doing? It's 9:45.
I invited you over at 9:00.
You're 45 minutes late.
Your turkey burger is cold.
You know, six months ago, I probably would've just smiled and reheated this all up for you, and I would have been grateful that you showed up at all.
Wait, you're actually pissed? Yeah, I am.
You know, it's amazing how I strive for such greatness for myself and my career, but I'm fine with taking whatever scraps I can get in my personal life.
Well, I'm sorry.
The train was late.
You should've left earlier.
Okay? Let me ask you, I-if I would've told you that there was, like, ten million dollars here at this apartment waiting for you, then would you have come on time? Because I think I'm worth more than ten million dollars.
You're priceless.
And you're right.
And if it means anything to you, it was freezing on the train platform.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? No.
Because I didn't care.
Because that train was taking me here, to you.
And all I was thinking was that I would wait all night, I-I would wait my whole life for that train, if it meant that I got to spend my last day with you.
I guess I could put it in the microwave.
Not yet.
We-We have plenty of time to eat.
I want to dance.
Come on.
But there's no music.
Well, use your imagination.
My love must be A kind of blind love I can't see Anyone but you I am awesome.
I mean, I always knew I was pretty cool but tonight is the first night I realized how awesome I was.
Why is that? Because you are the most amazing person I've ever met.
And somehow, I convinced you to be into me.
You're incredible.
I'm done.
I don't I don't want to be with anybody else.
All I need is you.
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright I only have eyes For you Ooh, ooh, ooh Tina! Excuse me.
I thought you split.
No, not at all.
We were just dealing with some Glee stuff.
Anything good? I'm not sure yet, but if it works out, we may have just saved the Glee Club.
Is there anything you can't do? I know I can't possibly leave here without having at least one slow dance with you.
Ah Or on the crowded Avenue But they all disappear From view And I only have eyes Only have eyes For you De-bop, she-bop Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh De-bop, she-bop Ooh, ooh, ooh De-bop, she-bop Ooh, ooh, ooh De-bop, she-bop I only have eyes for you.
I promise I will never be late again.
I'll get an apartment out here.
Why don't you just move in? All right, let the record state that the ladies of McKinley are grateful to Tina Cohen-Chang.
That Sadie Hawkins Dance gave me back my swag.
I not only snagged the cutest Christian hippie in all of Ohio, I was also empowered to apply for a wrestling scholarship at Harvard.
I think Brett really likes me.
He even baked me brownies.
Isn't that sweet? I can't stop eating them.
And I got to third base, bitches! The dance couldn't have gone more perfectly if I do say so myself.
And just between us girls, I think I found the love of my life.
What? You're not talking about Gay Blaine? The "Too Young to Be Bitter Club" is hereby disbanded.
Bring it in, Tina! Bring it in! Get over here, Tina.

Previous EpisodeNext Episode