Glee s06e08 Episode Script

A Wedding

Come on.
So why are we in a barn in rural northeast Indiana? Well, gay marriage is illegal in Ohio, but legal in Indiana.
- Makes absolutely no sense.
- No, no.
I mean, what are we doing in a barn in rural northeast Indiana? I thought it would be fun for you two to get married in the barn that Brittany was born in.
What? Wait, what? Your father had his heart set on this trip to the Amish country and we spent the whole day shopping for handcrafted Amish electric fireplaces, and I had this horrible indigestion from all that apple butter and I told your father to pull the car over and I ran into this barn for some privacy.
I quickly pulled down my pants and I squatted real low and usually, I never look Oh, my God.
But it was just my lucky day.
I looked down, and it turns out I was in labor and Brittany, it was you.
And I was very lucky, 'cause there was a little cow over here and he helped lick you clean, and I swaddled you in a Mr.
Submarine wrapper that I found on the ground and I carried you back to the car, and boy, was your father surprised.
That story's insane.
Listen, I'm so happy.
That makes me very happy.
I could not be happier.
I've got my two moms and future BFFs together at last, and I think, babe - What? - this is the perfect place to get married.
Well it could be fun.
- I can work with this.
- You better.
As your official wedding planner, I'll be there to make sure it's perfect.
And while this isn't exactly what I was picturing, either, - Mrs.
Lopez, - Mm.
I do think this place - has some potential.
- Mm-hmm.
Ooh, it's looking good, guys.
Hey, when you're done with that, we need to give Tina a hand.
How did I end up doing this? These are, like, 700-pound hay bales.
Because you volunteered to help out.
I didn't think I'd be stuck doing heavy manual labor, or I wouldn't have worn heels.
And I don't I don't really know all these new kids and I think they're a little pissed that I didn't re-introduce myself and now nobody's talking to me - and it's really awkward.
- Oh, no.
What's wrong? I'm freaking out! I-I-I'm, like, in total panic mode.
I don't think this barn is structurally sound and I'm scared it's gonna collapse and just, like I'm gonna kill everybody.
Britt, you are just having some pre-wedding jitters - No.
- It's totally fine.
I'm like, we still, uh, we still haven't had our final fittings Oh, Kurt.
I just got a telegram from Martina Navratilova that she can't be our officiant because she's never really done it before and she doesn't really know either of us.
- Okay - Oh, my God.
That's wrong.
Can we-we just, like, throw it up? Like, way up high? - And these are in the wrong spot.
- Well, you - you just said to put them here.
- Okay, well, you're wrong.
I didn't that I'm sorry.
You know, I-I'm here to help, okay? And Britt, you have got to trust me when I say that everything is gonna be fine.
I-It's okay to have a-a little anxiety before your wedding.
There's dirt on the white thing.
How did you cope with, like, wedding planning? Well, I-I didn't really have to, because we called it off b-before You remember? I find it really hard to track your relationship.
Well, this isn't about me.
Um so let's just focus on the problems at hand, okay? Like the problem of your boyfriend being older than your dad? Wait.
I know who can officiate.
- Who? - Burt! - Who's? - Burt Hummel.
I-I don't I don't know who that is.
It's-it's my dad.
It's his dad.
Your Yes.
Listen up, bitches.
Here is the game plan.
Britt and I do not want to see each other in our dresses till the wedding.
So we're gonna come out one at a time and show you our selections.
- Okay? - And no peeking, Santana, 'cause I don't want Ooh, let the fashion show begin! Oh, oh, oh It's beautiful Oh, oh, oh Everything you see Oh, oh, oh It's beautiful Oh, oh, oh Together, you and me See life in all the colors Of the rainbow It's beautiful, this world And the sun is streaming in Through every window Oh, oh, oh-oh Feel it all Oh, oh, oh It's beautiful Oh, oh, oh Everything you see La la, la la la la la La la la la La la la la, la la la la La la la la la la la la Oh Brittany, that's it.
That is absolutely stunning.
I think this is the one, you guys.
I think so, too.
It looks so comfy, you could dance in it.
- It's beautiful.
- I know, right? Wow.
Wow, Brittany, You look so beautiful.
Oh, my God, what are you doing? I was going crazy back there, but you know what? Everybody's right.
- You look incredible.
- No, no, no.
You're not supposed to see the dress before the wedding.
Oh, my gosh, this is bad luck, Santana! Bad luck! It's okay, Britt.
Calm down.
It's gonna be okay.
Throw some salt over your shoulder.
Go back inside.
Go change.
- Okay.
Go, go, go! - What am I gonna do? What's happening? What do I do? Hey, guys, do you mind if I ritualistically slaughter this chicken? I want to counteract the bad luck of Santana seeing me in my wedding dress.
Oh, my God, you are not slaughtering that chicken in here! - I know, but it'll help.
- No.
Take the chicken out.
This is your lucky day, sir.
Just, please stop.
Listen, if you want to distract your mind, why don't you use your math brain to help us figure out the seating chart? Good idea.
Okay, um Well, I still think we should seat people based on the Dewey Decimal System.
So, like, uh Kurt should sit with Rachel, because they're both a little annoying.
- No offense.
- Why aren't Sam and Rachel seated next to each other? Carol and Burt are gonna be there and I don't want to upset them.
Everybody is fine with you being with Sam.
They're gonna be fine, too.
I just haven't talked to Carol in a while.
I did a lot, at first, and then I just got really busy with the glee club and I don't want to upset her.
Look, Carol and Burt both lost people that they were in love with, and then they found one another and they started over again.
They're gonna expect you to do the same thing.
And there you go.
Okay, hold up.
No me gusta.
Why is Sue on the list? Oh, we should just find her a table.
She could sit with Becky Jackson.
No, she is not invited to my wedding.
Look, Sue has just been such a big part of our lives, right? I mean, we only met because she put us in the Cheerios! All I have to say is if you invite the woman to the wedding, there is an 80% chance that she's gonna ruin it.
But if you don't, there's a 99% chance that she will.
Well, listen, all I'm saying is no.
Hell, no.
If she's there, then I'm not.
So, I figured we could get fitted for suits at this place I know.
Um actually, I I had something else I wanted to talk to you about.
Um I'm going to the wedding with Blaine.
I see.
I'm so sorry.
I-I never expected this to happen.
It's called "young love," Kurt.
It gets bruised and then it gets back up again.
It's a nice thing.
So you aren't mad? Mad? No.
Jealous? Well I mean, you're right at the beginning of it all.
I look at you, and I think of the lifetime of love I could've had if I hadn't wasted it pretending to be someone I'm not.
You're lucky, Kurt.
Go be lucky.
And whatever happens, even if you get hurt again, just remember: the only thing worth doing is going toward love.
Don't waste time double-guessing.
And don't waste time behaving yourself.
You gotta run, you gotta jump! 'Cause it won't stick around forever.
You gotta grab it while it's right in front of you.
Whatever you do don't let go.
- Kurt, are you okay? - No.
I'm not okay, okay? I-I-I love you.
I-I-I still love you, and I-I know everything was completely messed up before, but everything's fine now.
So will you will you, will you go to the wedding with me? I-I mean, unless there's there's somebody else.
There's no one else.
So, I've gathered my best boys to get your opinion on something.
I'm gonna ask Mike to marry me.
- Chang? - What you talking 'bout, Tina? I got the ring and everything.
Tina, I love you, but this is kind of crazy.
Is it really so crazy for a girl to ask a boy for their hand in marriage these days? When you're not even dating the boy? Yes.
It is.
I think it's romantic.
Thank you, Blaine.
When I was with Mike, I was the happiest I've ever been.
Look, two of our friends are getting married and we've had two other near-weddings.
I let Mike get away and it was the biggest mistake of my life.
I can't afford to risk losing him forever to some other girl.
Grab the moment and run with it.
I'm all for that, but how often do you guys even talk? We didn't much when I was here, but once I got to college we started texting a lot.
I mean, he's texting me right now.
I can honestly say that Mike is my best friend again, and he knows me better than anyone else.
I'd love nothing more than to see you and Mike together forever.
He's awesome, you're awesome, and you'd be guaranteed to have Asian kids, so they'd automatically be super smart.
I'm Team Chang-Chang all the way.
Thank you.
What about you, Artie? I can't do this unless you all agree.
I have my concerns.
Uh, but if this is what you really want, then of course I support you.
Thank you all so much.
Yay! Yay.
- Thank you, thank you.
- It's wonderful! Ch-Chang! Heard you wanted to see me.
Make it quick.
I'm busy.
Oh, okay.
Um, well, I understand you don't want me at your wedding and of course that is your prerogative, but for the record, I would just like to say that I'm very hurt by that.
And I fully realize that, over the years, uh, you and I have had a few minor differences.
But weddings are the time to put all those differences aside.
That's a steaming load of crap.
I want to be surrounded by the people who love me and the people that I love.
The only person that you know how to love is yourself.
You don't know the first thing about me.
Yeah, actually I do.
I know how selfish and self-centered you are.
Like the time that you wore an exact copy of Emma Pillsbury's dress to her own wedding.
And how you perverted the very idea of marriage by marrying yourself.
You are incapable of a selfless act.
And if you do what you always do and just show up, you will be forcibly removed by the security guards that I have hired.
So have fun polishing your trophies, Sue.
He's fragile, be careful.
I can't get mud on the wheels.
- You must be Carol? - I am.
Hi, I'm Blaine's mom.
Oh, my goodness, so nice to meet you.
It's so nice to meet you, too.
You're blocking my face.
Stop blocking everybody.
- Are you smiling? You smiling? - No.
Um - Did you take it? - Mm-hmm.
I mean, everyone said it would be hard, but I'm telling you, man, the air force, it's a breeze.
Wow, Tina.
You look super-hot.
Doesn't she, Mike? She always looks hot.
Well, I'll, uh, leave you two.
Oh, your tie's a little crooked.
Just straighten that out a little bit.
Hey, guys.
Hey, what's up, guys? Just going over my notes before my officiating.
Oh, you both look so handsome in your suits.
- Yes, you do.
- Seems like only yesterday we were getting ready for your guys's wedding.
- That was the most beautiful day.
- Best day of my life.
- Aw - It's crazy to think - that we almost followed right in your footsteps.
- Well, almost, and that would have been a beautiful day, too, but, you know, it just it wasn't meant to be.
Young and foolish.
Hey, maybe you two guys weren't meant to be, but, it's, like young, foolish? Come on.
Are any of us ever really ready for anything? No, I wasn't ready to lose your mom.
And because of that we haven't wasted one day since we met.
That's right it's been a crazy adventure ever since.
Uh-huh, it has.
You're gonna make mistakes, and that's okay I have made so many.
- Are you saying I'm one? - You are not one of them.
- You are one of the good things.
- Thank you.
But you just have to take every second of every day and squeeze it as tight as you can.
Just wring every last bit out of it.
- Finn taught me that.
- Yep.
Finn taught me that, cancer taught me that, seeing you in that hospital bed taught me that.
Man, officiating a wedding - really puts you in a mood.
- Yeah, it does.
- You just start thinking, and philosophizing - Get serious.
- And-and "speechifying" Excuse me.
- So go and, you know what? - We're gonna get you a beverage.
- We'll let you guys All right, get me - I'm not drunk.
- No, he's not.
Okay, Mercedes, I need you to find a spider, 'cause it's good luck to put a spider on your dress.
Um, and Tina, I need to find some wine glasses to smash like the Jews do, 'cause they have the best of luck.
Oh, and, um, Rachel, I need you to find me a lizard to cross my path Trust me, it's, like, witch's lore, or something.
Go! I need all the good luck I can get, okay? I don't want to end up like Jack and Rose.
Where the hell am I gonna find a lizard? Go, go, go.
Good luck, good luck, good luck.
When I pictured my wedding day, I thought that I'd be the most beautiful bride ever, but I was wrong.
You are you look amazing.
Santana, what are you doing here? This is, like, the ultimate bad luck.
God, a bride cannot see her bride before the ceremony.
Why are you trying to sabotage this wedding? You know what? This was all adorable, but now I'm putting my foot down.
Do you even know why a groom couldn't see the bride before the wedding? Cannibalism? No.
Dates back to arranged marriages.
People thought that if the couple had time to see each other before the wedding, they would change their minds and bail on actually getting married.
That's not us, okay? Because you love me, and I love you.
And no silly superstitions are gonna change that.
I'm really sorry that I can't go an hour without seeing you, 'cause I'll just miss you too much.
And me and you? Rules don't apply to us.
They never have.
We make our own luck, so I say that it's good luck to kiss the bride before the wedding because then we can have that kiss that we can't have in front of our friends and family 'cause they'd be too jealous.
- Come here.
- I agree.
I love you so much.
But so does this mean I don't have to wear the blue underwear I borrowed from Tina? Ew, no, Britt, no, you shouldn't do that.
- I just felt weird about it.
- Ew.
What the hell are you doing here? You know what, Britt? You actually might be right.
We might actually have the worst luck of all time.
'Cause I can't marry you if I'm in jail for killing this bitch.
Look, kid, I come bearing gifts.
There's nothing that you could give me that I would want.
I told you I don't want you here today, so get out.
Well, when you see the gift I'm bearing, you will change your tune.
Abuela? What are you doing here? What's going on? Well, I stopped by your abuela's house the other day, and laid down a little reverse Sue-chology.
Abuela, you don't know me, but I coached Santana on the Cheerios! and worked very hard to make sure her high school years were a living hell.
For some reason, I'm not invited to her wedding.
And I understand that you're not going because of your religious beliefs.
So I thought who better to enlist to ruin her big day than you? So what do you think about that whole stoning them to death thing that the Bible says? That's horrible.
What do you think about having them jailed? Like our good friends the Russians do.
- No! - Okay, thinking of a more Westboro approach? Getting together a good old-fashioned hate group and picketing? I was wrong.
I'm not saying I agree with every decision you make.
I still don't believe it's right for two women to get married, but I do believe that family is the most important thing in the world.
And I love you, Santana.
I don't want to be the person in your life that causes you pain.
And I don't want to miss the day that I've been dreaming of my whole life.
Or the birth of your kids.
Or any other important days.
I don't agree with everything that you believe, either.
I just want my abuela back.
I've missed you.
I've missed you, too.
I always knew Sue was my good luck charm.
Can I hug? Come on.
Aw I'm pushing it, aren't I? Okay, all right.
Do your thing.
Oh, is this so lovely.
I know, it's beautiful.
Where did they find the money? Klaine, will you come with me, please? We have a bit of a situation.
Nice try, Sue, but we're not gonna fall for an elevator in a barn trick.
Oh, no, Porcelain, don't thank me for forcing you back into the arms of tiny Sal Mineo.
Listen, I swear to you on Will Schuester's future grave, this is a legitimate Brittan-emergency.
What are those? Uh, Brittany, wh-what's going on? Kurt, Blaine, the whole time I was planning this high-end barn wedding, all I could think about was you guys, and not because you remind me of the pig and the gay rat from Charlotte's Web, but because I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you guys, okay? I looked up to you as a couple in high school.
You showed me there was a place for me and Santana, too.
I mean, you taught me how to be brave.
And when you guys called off your wedding, it just broke my heart.
Because it felt like my dream had died, so I want my dream back.
I still don't get what you're talking about, though.
Yes, you do, just think about it.
What Brittany is saying, Blaine, is that out of our love for your love, we have conspired to deceive and manipulate and, yes, imprison you briefly all to reach this moment.
We have two tuxes, do we have two grooms? Okay, you guys are making funny faces what do you think? I think you're crazy.
I-I Blaine and I just got back together, and, uh, even if we hadn't, e-even if we were ready, I mean, Santana would never let us crash her wedding.
Oh, well, I would think again.
Turns out I am a lot like the Godfather on a wedding day.
And as crazy as this all sounds, I couldn't deny my bride her only wish.
All you have to do is say yes.
Say yes.
Say yes.
Well, we don't even have rings.
Oh, I got that covered.
So what do you say, fellas? Will you give America what at least 52 percent of it will legally tolerate? Uh, look, th-this is all very romantic, and-and-and sweet, and-and-and a little weird, but, I mean, come on, Th-there is no possible way that-that Right? Blaine? I don't know, I-I don't know.
I I just What Burt and Carole were talking about earlier, and these last few months without you have been really I love you, Kurt.
I mean, I love you, I-I do, I This is crazy, this is crazy.
And I don't I don't know I don't know, but But But what? At Last My love has come along My lonely days are over And life is Like a song Yeah At last The skies Above are Blue My heart is wrapped up in clover Wrapped up in clover, baby The night I looked at you - Ooh - Hey Ooh, Ooh I found a dream That I could speak to A dream that I Can call - My own - Call my own - A thrill that I - A thrill that I Have never known Yeah, yeah, yeah - Oh, you smile - You smile Oh, and then the spell Was cast - Yes, it was - Yeah And here we are In heaven Ooh For you are mine For you are Mine At Last - Oh - Yes you are You're mine At last You're mine At last Oh, oh.
My husband's in the bathroom! And he missed the whole aisle thing.
All right, don't say a word.
I am barely keeping it together.
Uh, dearly beloved.
That's how you're supposed to start these things, right? Uh, twice in my life I've been lucky enough to meet the love of my life.
And both of those times, I've married that love.
And I knew I was lucky to be able to do that.
But I didn't know how lucky until I had to drive over the state line to come here to officiate the weddings of these two loving couples.
And I thank you guys.
Santana, Britt? Blaine, Kurt? I want to thank you guys for being so brave.
And so honest.
And for standing up here and showing all of us that love and marriage is so much bigger than we thought it could be.
And also so much simpler.
Love and marriage is when two people say to one another I love you because I love you.
And I know this is gonna be one heck of a ride.
But I don't want to do it unless I can do it with you.
And now, the vows, please.
My husband's in the bathroom and he's missing all the vows.
Blaine? I'm a man who's always lived in the shadows.
And everyone who's come into my life has always tried to pull me out into the sun or push me back into the darkness.
I've been bullied, outed and misunderstood.
I honestly thought that I would never find real love.
The world seemed so scary and confusing.
It was just too fast.
It made me feel dumb just because my brain worked differently And then you came along and even if someone had told me that it wasn't gonna work out, and that at the end of all of our struggling and all of our work, it would just end in heartache I would've said yes.
A thousand times yes.
I would've suffered it all just for the tiny chance to be standing up here marrying you.
I'm a work in progress.
I am a work in progress.
I'm a work in progress.
I'm a work in progress.
You don't ask me to come out of the shadows.
You help me move away anything that's blocking the sun.
It's time for all of us to walk into the sunshine together.
Is that something you want to do? I do.
I do.
I do.
I do.
And now by the power vested in me by the Internet and the state of Indiana and under a God who for sure if he believes in love, then he fully endorses the loving marriages of these two wonderful couples, I now pronounce you wife and wife and husband and husband.
You may kiss one another.
My name's Pierce Pierce.
And I'm Brittany's father.
And I was just told that I was expected to stand up and give a toaster.
But, uh, I just called Target, and they're closed, so instead I'd just like to say a few words.
Brittany? I'm so happy that you and Santana finally found one another.
You look absolutely stunning in that gown.
And, um, honestly? I can speak on behalf of my wife you're the prettiest one here.
And I don't just think you're the prettiest.
I think you're the prettiest by a long shot.
I mean, if you look at all the other girls here, there's really no contest.
I mean, some of them are just downright homely.
You know what I'm talking about.
You're-you're blowing it.
And you need to sit down.
'Cause nobody is uglier than you without your clothes on.
Knock it off.
I was just informed that no one's ugly and to knock it off! In closing, I just want everyone to be really careful of the candles.
Because with all that dry wood and hay bales, this place could up like a blowtorch.
And we'd all be dead in minutes.
So salud.
All right, everyone, so, uh, at this time, we would normally be serving dinner.
But, um, before we do that, we have a gift for each and every one of you.
So, in case you're basic and you don't know, OTP stands for "One True Pairing.
" And I've been lucking enough to find mine with Brittany.
And Kurt and Blaine were lucky to find each other.
And so in the spirit of everyone here finding their OTP, please join us on the dance floor.
And let's get this party started.
One, two, three, uh! My baby don't mess around because She loves me so and this I know for sure Uh! But does she really wanna But can't stand to see me walk out the door Uh! Don't try to fight the feeling 'Cause the thought alone is killing me right now Uh! Thank God for Mom and Dad for sticking two together 'Cause we don't know how Uh! Hey ya Oh-oh Hey ya Oh-oh, don't want to meet your daddy - Hey ya - Just want you in my Caddy - Oh-oh, hey! - Hey ya All right, now, all right now, fellas - Yeah - Now, what's cooler - Than being cool? - Ice cold I can't hear you I said wha-what's cooler - Than being cool? - Ice cold All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right - Okay, now, ladies - Yeah? Now, we gonna break this thing down in just a few seconds Now, don't have me break this thing down for nothing Now, I want to see y'all on your baddest behavior Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor Aah! Here we go Shake it, shake it - Okay - Shake it, shake it, shake it - Shake it like a Polaroid picture - You know what to do Hey ya Oh-oh Hey ya - Oh-oh - Hey ya Oh-oh Hey ya.
Hey, Tina.
Great day, huh? Oh, the best.
Hey, promise me you won't leave until we get at least one dance.
Oh, of course.
Uh, Mike, wait! Do you have a second? I-I need to ask you something.
Uh, Mike? Not a day goes by that I don't think about you.
And I thought being away from you all these years would make me forget the love that we had together, but it's only made me love you more.
I want to spend every day of my life with you, and well, I've forgotten half of the things that I wanted to say, so, um Michael Robert Chang Jr.
, will you marry me? I-I know you're probably freaked out right now! I-I would be, too, and obviously you don't have to give me an answer right now, and-and we don't have to get married any time soon.
We can both finish college.
And I just I just love you so much.
I love you, too.
B-But, Tina I can't marry you.
Oh, my God.
I This was so stupid.
I'm so stupid.
I mean, what kind of idiot does this?! You.
But you're not an idiot.
Look, I think about you all the time, too.
And-and every time I do, I smile.
And it means the world to me that we reconnected this past year.
And I love how smart, funny and sexy you are.
I yeah.
I said "sexy.
" And I've felt that way ever since that summer we made out at Asian Camp.
When four of our best friends get married on the same day, I-it's only natural to want what they have.
We have our whole lives ahead of us.
And who knows where we'll be in a year? But there's a million guys out there - who would be so - Yeah, I know.
I get it.
I would like to propose that we go in there and have our dance.
Well, I accept your proposal.
Well, I didn't really propose.
- It was like, you just - Oh, stop it.
Where'd you get that ring, by the way? Come on, come on, come on.
This party's on fire! And we whipped up a little number for you.
And we have some very special guests: The Treble Tones! Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen Tonight we'll put all other things aside Give in this time And show me some affection We're going for those pleasures in the night I want to love you Feel you Wrap myself around you I want to squeeze you Please you I just can't get enough And if you move real slow I'll let it go I'm so excited And I just can't hide it No, no, no, no I'm about to lose control And I think I like it I'm so excited And I just can't hide it No, no I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you I want you, I want you, ooh Ooh, boy, I want to love you Feel you Wrap myself around you I want to squeeze you Please you I just can't get enough And if you move real slow I'll let it go - I'm so excited - Whoa-whee I just can't hide it Oh, yeah I'm about to lose control And I think I like it I like it, I like it - I'm so excited - I'm so excited - And I just can't hide it - I just can't hide it I know, I know I know, I know, I know I want you - I want you - I'm so excited Look what you do to me I just can't hide it You got me burning up I'm about to lose control And I think I like it I think I like it I'm so excited I just can't get enough I've got to give it up I know, I know I want you, baby Look what you do to me - Oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah - You got me burning up I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I want you, I want you If I could just steal your attention for one moment.
On behalf of our inspirational brides, my husband and I whoa, that was weird to say.
Uh, we would like to say thank you.
Thank you, thank you so much to all of our family and to all of our friends for showing us, by example, that real love is worth waiting for.
And worth fighting for.
We would like to dedicate the next song to all the couples in the room, be it official or unofficial.
- All right.
So all couples to the dance floor, please.
- Come on.
Our day will come And we'll have everything We'll share that joy Falling in love can bring No one can tell me That I'm too young to know Young to know I love you so Love you so And you love me Our day will come If we just wait awhile No tears for us Think love and wear a smile Ooh, ooh All dreams have magic Because we'll always stay In love this way Our day Will come Our day will come Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oo-ooh All dreams have magic Because we'll always stay In love this way Our day Will come Our day Will come Oh I thought we were doing takeout on the risers.
We could've gone to a real restaurant.
I was feeling nostalgic.
I wanted to relive our Tuesday lunches.
How are you doing? Meh.
I know you think I'm crazy for proposing to Mike.
But it's it's a little hard, seeing all these fun, exciting things happening to your friends and not getting a little jealous.
I mean, look at Kurt and Blaine and how spontaneous they were and how everything just worked out.
I wish, just for once, that could be me.
No one loves being alone.
I know I don't.
But I also know you can't just force yourself to be in a relationship to avoid it.
I mean, that's how you miss out on finding the perfect person for you.
I mean, if you hadn't dumped me, you never would've started dating Mike.
Um, excuse me, you broke up with me.
Because I had a fake stutter? Stop.
That is not what happened at all.
I never would've broken up with you.
- You're awesome.
- Ugh I'm sure I'll be fine being alone forever Tina, your problem is that you always worry too much.
You're not going to spend your life alone.
How can you be sure? Mmm How about this? Let's make a pact.
If we're both not married by 30, we'll marry each other.
Oh, my God, Artie, yes! We love each other, our sexual chemistry - is undeniable - Uh-huh.
- Oh.
- See? And our kids are pretty much guaranteed to get into every preschool.
I officially accept your invitation to be your backup fiancée.
How romantic.
I mean, I think everyone needs a little more Tartie in their lives.
I think we're more Artina.
Look at us.
Already putting the other person first.
That's a sign of a healthy relationship.
Here's to always having somebody amazing to roll with.
And as we know, no one rolls better than me.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Okay, Sue.
We know you're in here.
You can come out now.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my gender-gentle AnderHummels and the autistically feisty LoPierces.
Sue, we appreciate the very strange lengths you went to push us both to the altar, but What are we doing here? Well, I have one last gift for both of you, my legacy couples, and I wanted to give them to you myself.
Don't worry, it's not a song.
Or a minority choir.
Now, I realize, uh that you all see me as a driven, richly complex, emotionally bipolar role model, but after all these years, I can't help but see you as my own kids.
Inside each of your envelopes you will find your very own honeymoon showcase showdown.
Oh, but we already booked a honeymoon.
Oh, but I canceled that honeymoon.
A weekend trip to Provincetown? Staying in Andrew Sullivan's cabana house? Wow! Well, Andrew's an old friend of mine.
Or he used to be.
We're not speaking now; it's a long story.
A month-long, all-expenses-paid trip to the Atlantis Resort on Paradise Island - in the Bahamas.
- In the Bahamas.
- Oh, my gosh, no way! - That's where Wonder Woman was born! Lassos of Truth included! It's crazy! - Oh, my God - Thank you.
Live, love, prosper.
And I've gotta come up with some new shipper fodder.
How 'bout PuckCedes? How's that? Or FaBerry? Can't get enough of the lesbians.
You're the best.
FaBerry I can't believe we actually did this.
I can't believe we survived that party.
Oh, my gosh I can't believe we have the same anniversary now.
I can't wait, hold up.
What was that? Yeah, you guys, we're in this together now.
Okay? You can count on us.
And I think we should make a pact, to, um, celebrate our anniversaries together every year for the rest of our lives.
- Or maybe like every fifth year? - Fifth.
- Okay.
- That's okay.
- I think we must do it every year.
- Skype.
- We can Skype, like, every year or something.
- Sure
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