Good Girls (2018) s01e04 Episode Script
Atom Bomb
1 Previously on "Good Girls" Are we going to lose this house? No.
I mean, I don't know.
Nancy and I are suing you for custody.
Can I have lunch money? Those kids take it again? Douchebags.
The drug that you're talking about? Ten grand a month, out of pocket.
And I'm guessing that may not be an option.
How much is in the vault? 30 grand, give or take.
So when do you wanna do this? Ladies and gentlemen, this is a robbery.
You know how fast they're gonna lock you up? - [SCREAMS.]
- [GLASS CLINKS.]
[PANTS.]
He wants us to pick something up for him in Canada.
It's wrapping paper.
It's just wrapping paper.
I just need to know we're good.
I'm gonna need to hear you say it.
We're good.
Here's to going back to normal life.
L'chaim to that.
So what'd you wanna talk to me about? Mom, mom, mom.
It's not fair.
For Tommy's birthday, we all went out to a Pistons game.
We got box seats, and his mom bought us all jerseys.
And then and then after that, they rented a hotel with room service.
Yeah, and now Tommy's mom can't afford college.
Well, I want a birthday party.
- How about a sleepover? - With a chocolate fountain.
- You could nuke a Hershey bar.
- Mama? - This is the worst birthday ever.
- Mama? Listen, well, we can't just afford a really big, - fancy party right now.
We just can't.
- Mama? But I promise you, I'm gonna make it special.
I promise you, okay.
- Mama! - What is it? - Who's the man? - What man? The man on my bed.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
No, no, stay stay here, stay here.
Hey, you wanna go swimming at your dad's? Yay! Yay.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Yo, Ruby.
[SIGHS.]
That's my name, don't wear it out.
How does one become a waitress here? Excuse me? Like, what college has the best program? [CHUCKLING.]
I'll check if we're hiring.
Do you have to buy the uniform? 'Cause that's some I mean, that's some high quality polyester right there.
I mean, that would set me back, what ten bucks? Ah [CHUCKLES.]
.
Just go make him another one.
He can't eat this now.
Come on, chop-chop, Ruby.
Is there a problem, milkshake? What'd you call me? It's a trick I use to remember orders.
Since I didn't go to college and my memory's not so great.
You always order that milkshake, which you never finish, so you can be sure to leave my tip in the bottom of your nasty ass cup.
My two percent tip.
Three, if you're feeling generous.
It's not the money that I mind.
I mean, if you can't afford it, I get it.
I feel for you.
But please, let me know if there's anything that I can do to make your experience here more delightful.
No? Well, then, I'd appreciate it if you left your 85 cents on the table, and not in your shake today.
Cool? Okay.
All right, sweetie, enjoy.
Ah! [SHRIEKS.]
Oh, that might be hot.
- Ruby, get some ice.
- [WHIMPERS.]
All right, the Marks Express is leaving, choo-choo ow! Zipper.
What? What're you doing? We we're gonna be late.
I hate everything.
Excuse me? I just got you these.
You told me they were "lit AF.
" They're too big.
They fall down.
These are not too big.
No way.
I mean, you'd have to really yank on them.
Hey, why are you so worried about your pants falling down? I'm not.
Hey, what what's going on? Tell me.
No.
Sadie, talk to me.
No.
[CALM MUSIC.]
Are people, like, pulling your pants down? They wanna know what I am.
So no big deal, we'll buy you some belts.
Maybe something pink, and pretty, and girly, and sparkly, and alright, all right, all right.
Not the money maker.
Not the money maker.
Just hurry up, put something on.
- I don't care what it is.
- [CALL PHONE VIBRATES.]
Be outside in two minutes or you're dead, I mean it.
[WHISPERING.]
Will you tell us what's going on? This is freaking me out.
[WHISPERING.]
Oh, my God.
- Who is that? - I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? I mean, I came back from the grocery store and he was just there.
And, I mean, I'm assuming he's, like, an associate of the gangbanger.
Come on, I thought we were done with that.
Yeah, what the hell? Okay, okay, we were.
And then God, this sounds so crazy even saying it Spit it out.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
I I I offered to do another job.
Uh You asked for this? [GUFFAWS.]
It's not like we don't need the money.
We all still need the money.
- [SNORTS.]
- So you asked for this? No, well, not this.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Shh.
I'm sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I just can't believe it's you and not me.
Come on, it's crazy.
Look, I just I just said that we would possibly, if the circumstances were right, pick up another load of the fake cash.
You volunteered us? It's not drugs.
It's paper.
I mean, it's literally paper.
You can't sign people up for criminal activity like it's a bake sale.
Noted, but can you just help me get this person out of my house right now? Oh, you want some help now? I'm sorry, why don't you call your BFF, the other gangbanger? He's not my BFF.
I don't even know that guy's name.
No, but I bet I bet he does, right? Maybe I can, uh - Okay, I guess I'll do it.
- Yeah, mm-hmm, I'm not.
Just watch my back, okay? Please.
Just be careful.
[FOREBODING MUSIC.]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, God, okay.
Well, this is not a phone.
Just just, t take this, take it.
- Just take it.
- Oh, my Okay.
Ugh.
Okay.
I have it, I have it.
What's the last number he called? Papa John's.
The last person, Annie.
"Mom," "Mom," "Mom," "Mom," "Mom" Oh, my God, why didn't he just go to his mom's? - "Mom," "Mom," "Mom" - I know, seriously.
"Mom" and "Rio.
" That is not what I meant when I said we'd do another job.
Who is that guy? He works for me.
Do does he wash the money? Regardless, there's been a miscommunication.
Oh, so you think you can pick and choose what you wanna do and when you wanna do it? She thought it would be like driving for Uber.
Who's at fault is not important.
We are not qualified to take care of a gunshot victim.
I mean, your friend needs professional medical attention.
You're shaking your head.
Why are you shaking your head? 'Cause that kid ain't going to no hospital.
Why not? 'Cause there's people looking for him.
What if those people show up here? Trust me, ain't nobody gonna shoot up Beaver Cleaver's house.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
No, I'm sorry, that is not gonna work.
No? I [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Mm.
I have children.
Looking like a zombie, animal, animal Hey, get out my way He's up there in my daughter's bed.
I'm never gonna get that blood out.
I mean, she could sleep on the floor.
Kids love that stuff.
I'm pretty sure it'll cover a new mattress.
Don't save me So, would we get that money now, or? When I pick him up.
- When's that? - When I pick him up.
Sounds fair.
So, we got a deal, ladies? - Or what? - [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Don't save me, don't save me [TELEPHONE RINGS, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [MUFFLED SPEECH.]
- Mr.
Petersen.
[FULLY AUDIBLE.]
Mr.
Petersen.
Agent Turner will see you now.
[EXHALES.]
What happened after they crossed the border? Wish I knew.
I lost visual.
Mm.
Gummy? - Yeah.
- Please.
So, just so I got this, okay, these women, - they took a car - Stole.
I mean, they stole a car.
And drove it over the border.
What's your gut say? I mean, jeez.
Any number of things.
International drug ring.
Human trafficking.
- Sleeper cell.
- Homegrown jihadis.
I'm not ready to rule out anything.
Mmm.
And the one that works with you? Oh, I mean, if anyone got radicalized, it's her.
- [LAUGHS.]
- I bet.
- What's her name? - Annie.
My Annie was a Paula.
She lived in my dorm.
- What? - Ah, we both loved Hoobastank.
- Wait, hold on a second - But it didn't matter.
- I was stuck in the friend zone.
- No.
- Just like you, right? - No, that's not it at all, - actually.
- You sure about that, Leslie? They have committed crimes.
I can prove it.
Well, I can't prove it.
But I can.
But I can't.
- I mean, I wa I want to.
- I'll tell you what.
I'll do a little digging, okay? But you gotta do something for me too.
Name it.
Go to O'Brien's.
You know the bar on Birmingham? Have a couple of cocktails, and find yourself a nice girl.
Preferably one that's interested in you.
And you know what they call it? - What? - A sizzling skillet.
It says sizzling right there in the menu.
What does that tell you? - Uh, that it might be hot? - That it might be hot.
- Might not wanna touch that.
- You think? And now they're threatening to lawyer up.
What? - What does Tony say? - That I have to apologize.
Well, all right, then.
Why should I apologize? Because I didn't tell that idiot that the boiling, bubbling, sizzling platter in front of him might be hot? What's next? We start warning people that their ice cream might have a bit of a chill on it? - Look out.
- Uh.
- You you wanna know why? - Yeah, why? Oh, you okay.
Come on, come here.
Come here for a second.
Come here.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
[GIGGLING.]
These little people.
That's why you go back in there and you suck it up.
Think we're gonna have to put next month's meds on four different credit cards.
I know.
And even then, we might not make it.
Stan, you should see these kids.
They come in there.
They're so rude and disrespectful and act like they're better than everyone else.
Uh, you know I get called Paul Blart, like, every single day, right? Paul Blart.
Mall cop.
Where's your Segway? Now, but I take it, because at the end of the day, I got this to come home to.
For them um you do what you gotta do.
- Babe.
- Mm-hmm? [SIGHS.]
Chill out with the cayenne.
- That's too hot? - It's spicy.
Damn it.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, I brought chili.
Stan made it.
It's spicy.
[SIGHS.]
Thank you.
I'm so hungry.
Did you stay up all last night? I mean, she stayed up all night.
I slept next to her like a baby.
Is he still out cold? Um, maybe we need, like, smelling salts or something.
Right, 'cause it's 1892.
You want him to wake up? I want him to not die in my house.
[THUMP.]
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
What the [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
His gun.
Go get his gun.
- W where is it? - Uh, in the closet.
- Hurry.
- Okay.
- Where in the linen closet? - Where is it? - Top shelf.
- Top shelf.
There's no gun in here.
Help me look.
I'm a gravedigger I'm a gravedigger I'm a, I'm a gravedigger I'm a gravedigger - [GUN CLICKS.]
- [GASPS.]
Beth, there's no gun in here.
Found it.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Where am I? Where am I? Uh, my house.
You're in my house.
- Who the hell are you? - I'm a friend of your friend's.
He thought that you would be safe here.
- I need a car.
- What? Give me your car keys.
Do you understand that we actually saved you - Give me the keys! - Okay, I'm sorry.
Now! I took the bus, I took the bus.
I have really weak nails.
I can't get it off.
Okay, downstairs, on the counter.
And just take it.
[STAMMERING, WHIMPERING.]
Two car seats plus a booster? What's that gonna set me back, like 600 bucks.
Well, maybe he'll realize it and bring 'em back.
That's not how carjackings work.
I don't want him back.
He just had a gun in my face.
[SIGHS.]
Guys, what is even happening? What are we doing? What do you mean? I mean, I am so tired of almost dying.
Oh, are you? Okay, let's just try to get through this, okay? - Oh, Carl.
- No.
Carl who? BOTH: Emma's favorite bunny.
He was on the dash.
- Now he's on a drive-by.
- Ugh.
Mom? Hey, sweetie, what are you doing here? Just don't be mad at Dad.
Why? What did he do now? He told me all about the party with the bounce house and the water slide, and I invited, like, all my friends.
Five can't come, but but 32 can.
Hey! Don't be mad.
Do you wanna go play some video games? - Yeah, definitely.
- Let's do it.
You're a dead man.
Go upstairs right now and tell him we can't afford it.
You didn't see his little face.
I see his little face every day.
Oh, here we go.
Every day for the rest of my life I have to say no to those kids because of what you did.
You know what he wants for his birthday? I don't know, probably an Xbox or "Minecraft" or something very expensive.
His mom and dad back together.
- That's what he asked for? - That's what he asked for.
Damn it.
Yeah.
I would've gone for the Xbox.
[SNICKERS.]
Least we can do is throw him a damn party.
Happy retirement? They were on clearance.
No one will notice.
Yeah.
Potatoes are dirt cheap.
Hmm, what am I gonna do with potatoes at a birthday party? Um, hot potato, Mr.
Potato Head.
Two uses.
- Bake 'em.
- Ah three uses.
How'd y'all find everything today? - Depressing.
- Fine.
Yep.
Still not sure how you're gonna use 50 pounds of potatoes.
Well, just to let you know, our return policy is 30 days with a valid store receipt.
Wait, is that on anything in the store? Yeah, anything in the store.
Anything, in the store.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Pass me the bowl, got the milk and the spoon Yeah, she got the coco puffs She got the coco puffs She got the coco puffs - Phew.
- Perfect.
We're gonna need a bigger cart.
Got me so high I feel holy We on that green guacamole And I've been [.]
the whole day Man, we can shut it down She imported, man She came from out of town Show me how you do Show me how you do Show me how you do [LAUGHTER.]
Pass me the bowl, got the milk and the spoon - Now we're ready.
- Just forgot a few things.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, I think there's a coupon for this.
Oh, that's all right, we don't need it.
Yeah, save it for the next guy.
Okay, would you like to donate a dollar to the homeless? - N not right now.
- So sorry.
- Money's kind of tight.
- Sorry.
[PHONE DINGS.]
You guys, I gotta go.
It's Sadie's school.
- Yeah, go.
- I'll call you later.
Where is she? Gosh, she's back in class.
I just finished talking to her.
Well, what the hell happened? She punched a kid in the face.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank God.
Thank God? She punched a dude.
Believe me, he deserved it.
I just barely talked them out of suspending her.
Greg, did she tell you why she punched him in the face? N no.
They pull her pants down.
What? Yeah, in the cafeteria in front of everybody.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
- Well, we gotta go tell them.
- No, no, no, no.
Greg, what is wrong with you? That just makes it worse.
- Trust me.
- Annie.
Greg, in ninth grade my mom went to the principal because there was a rumor about me involving a coat closet and some over the pants I I remember.
You do? [CHUCKLES.]
Why do you think I hung out with you? Shut up.
Just don't say anything, okay? Please? I will handle it.
Ah, that terrifies me.
[SIGHS.]
I know.
This is so messed up.
Yeah.
I know.
He couldn't sleep last night.
He was in so much pain.
Poor thing.
It's a third-degree burn.
We took pictures.
I might need a skin graft.
[SOUL MUSIC.]
Well, we've all been sick over this whole thing, especially Ruby.
Isn't that right, Ruby? - That's right.
- And she's so thankful for this opportunity to apologize in person.
Isn't that right, Ruby? That's right.
She's gonna have to say a little bit more than that.
- All due respect - I'm sorry.
This woman was careless and rude and hurt my son.
No wait a minute.
Your son hurt himself.
You went out of your way not to warn him that plate was hot.
Are you for real? Just say you're sorry.
She is sorry.
And yet we still haven't heard it.
- Do you all have children? - I do.
Look at the example you're setting.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
I'm sorry.
Okay? - Thank you, Ruby.
- It's not okay.
That was completely insincere.
And kind of bitchy.
- Oh, you want me to mean it? - That'd be nice.
I'm sorry.
How was that? - That's great.
- Ah, no, no, no.
- Wait a second, Tony.
- Eh Let me give it another go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic human decency, and how to treat anyone especially service people with respect.
- She doesn't mean that.
- No, I do.
- I am one sorry bitch.
- Ah I'm sorry you have your head so far up your ass that you think it's okay to blame everyone else for your son being a moron.
I'm sorry he's such a punk-ass bitch because that is a surface burn.
And I am especially sorry that the friends you bring in here are as entitled and as spoiled and as awful as you, because if kids like you all are our future, God help us all.
Now, that's what I'm sorry about.
I'll go clean out my locker.
That'd be good.
[FUNK MUSIC.]
Ah.
Uh, uh, uh.
Seriously? I upgraded you to the 32-inch.
And got it for you at wholesale price.
Why? I wanna do something nice.
Why? So that maybe we could start fresh.
Why? I've been praying on it and I'm not proud of my part in everything.
Oh, so this is like an "I'm sorry I tried to rape you" cake? That was too many words.
Whoa.
Hey, there's the birthday boy, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, check it out.
This is for you.
What is it? Well, just a little something.
Some exfoliant, a little little scrub, loofah, some bubble bath, you know? You, uh, like to take baths, huh? Okay.
Get yourself all squeaky clean? Okay.
Ah, you managed to make that disgusting.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, you got turkey pinwheels, huh? Yeah, feel free to grab some on your way out.
Hey, how much do you think they'd pay for this party? I have no idea.
He's lined up in the shotgun Oh, oh, oh, are we still up? No, tied 21-21.
Wester caught a two-yard end zone pass, wide open.
- Ah, come - That's PI, that is PI.
- Come on, fellas.
- Every single time.
- We never get the call.
- Really? Why don't we get that call? Look at this.
[SIGHS.]
So how you holding up, man? You know, with everything that's going on.
- Great.
- Good.
- Yeah, we're doing great.
- All right.
I mean It's been tough.
Well, brother, marriage ain't easy.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's like, take your eye off the road, you're gonna hit a speed bump every now and then, right? - No doubt.
- Just gotta keep moving on.
- You know? - For sure.
But, I think she'll come back.
Well, pssh, bro, for sure.
[SNIFFLES.]
I mean she's got to, right? [SOBBING, SNIFFLING.]
- Tell me one thing.
- Yeah.
When they gonna bring Big Play Slay into the game? - [CHUCKLES.]
- I mean, he gets it done.
- He always does, right? - Right? Yeah.
- Ice.
Dripping.
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry, my bad.
Ah! - It's a good play, finally.
- Yes.
One stop.
- Dude.
- Can they even do that? Isn't there some kind of, like, HR protocol or something? [SNICKERS.]
It's a diner, not Microsoft.
So unfair.
What did Stan say? I can't tell Stan.
Oh, honey.
Not when we're this deep underwater.
I just you know, I gotta get something else going first.
Well, good news is there are plenty of other extremely depressing and unpleasant jobs out there.
Right? [CHUCKLES.]
What? I'm just I'm just saying, you know.
You want fun, you rob a grocery store.
Hey! You don't work minimum wage.
ALL: Happy birthday, dear Kenny Happy birthday to you [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yeah, whoo, whoo, whoo! Happy birthday, buddy.
Don't forget to make a wish.
I wish that Daddy could live at home again.
Okay.
Got anything else? Come on, blow out the candles, baby.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
ALL: Yeah! [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Excuse me.
Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy, Daddy? - Hey, does, um - Daddy.
Does Mommy ever have any, like, you know, new friends come over? Just a man in bed.
I'm not supposed to tell you that.
Huh.
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC.]
You can't just walk in here.
The door was open.
It's because I'm having a party with children and their parents.
Oh, my God, you brought a gun? Of course you brought a gun.
- Is this your husband? - Yes.
- What's he do? - He sells cars.
Is he good at it? [STAMMERS.]
Why does that matter? Yeah, he don't look too trustworthy to me.
What do you want? What do you want? Came to pick up my boy.
That's hilarious.
He's not here.
And by the way, when he left, he held me at gunpoint, and then stole my car.
So I'm gonna need payment for that too.
- Oh, I'm sorry, what payment? - Excuse me.
Yeah, you get paid when you do a job.
Did did you do a job? - He left.
- Then that's on you.
What am I supposed to do? Chain him to a bed? Oh, baby, what you think this is, little league? And you get a trophy just for playing? I tried.
I don't give a damn if you try.
You gotta win, bitch.
Beth, you you okay? Fine, yeah.
Fine.
[DISTANT CHATTER.]
Cars, huh? Bye, guys, see you later.
- Oh, sorry.
- Excuse me.
Hey, have we met before? Nah, I don't think so.
You look so familiar.
Nah, just a friend of the family.
[CHATTER.]
I'm coming.
Thank you so much.
ALL: One, two, three, atom bomb! - Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
One more time.
Let's go, come on.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, ready? All right, go.
One, two Atom bomb.
Mmm.
Hope you didn't pop the bounce house, 'cause I gotta return that.
That thing is awesome.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
So who's your new friend? What? You know, the guy with the throat tats.
Oh, he dropped off the bounce house.
Hmm, you were fighting with the bounce house guy in our bedroom? It's really none of your business.
Emma says he sleeps over.
Oh, well, Emma also thinks the Easter Bunny sleeps in her closet, so Is he the reason you're not wearing your ring? - Oh, my God.
- What? I have a right to know.
You lost your right when you stuck your penis in your secretary.
- Come on.
- I want you out.
- What? - Yeah, I want you gone now.
No, it's Kenny's birthday party.
Kenny's birthday party is over, and I am exhausted, and I would like to put the kids to bed.
- It's my house too, Beth.
- The hell it is.
And you're still my wife, so Yeah.
I gotta get on that.
Oh, yeah? What does that mean? What do you think it means? Hey, you guys, it's time to come in.
- Beth, please.
- Guys, time for bed.
Can we just sit down and talk for a second? I don't have anything to say.
- Guys! - Just wait.
What, Dean? What? - I just - What? I have cancer.
[LAUGHTER.]
CHILDREN: Atom bomb! Atom bomb, atom bomb.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
What am I gonna tell the kids? I don't know.
How are we gonna pay for it? I don't know.
What if he's really, really sick? [WHIMPERS.]
We'll get through it together.
How do you know that? 'Cause we always do.
When did life become this big monster that we just have to constantly feed? All right there, little Nietzsche, go back to sleep, okay? I can't, I have to return all that stuff.
Don't worry about that.
I'll do it.
Where's the receipt? - In my purse.
- Okay.
I can't believe I spent ten grand on a party.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you see that little kid's face? You're an amazing, amazing mother.
So are you.
Besides, all that stuff is getting returned, so it doesn't matter.
[SNIFFLES.]
[PENSIVE MUSIC.]
Can you make breakfast? Hmm, well, that depends.
What'd you have in mind? My mommy usually makes crepes.
Well, Auntie's specialty is cereal.
Mmm.
Hey, go inside really quick, okay? I'll be right there.
Go on.
Yo.
Thanks for loaning me the whip.
What did you do to it? Yeah, sorry about that.
My sister drives that to carpool I filled up the tank.
Things got a little out of hand, so I mean, I owe you all some time, for real.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hey, do you need a ride? They say they coming for you but I don't want none 'Cause I really don't care Get the pudding.
- Ooh.
- Ah.
This may be communism but I tell you this is mine Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
What, what you've been thinking Oh.
I set it off What, what you've been thinking Yo, what's for lunch? What you got? Just, like, a veggie medley? Mommy wants you to lose a few, huh? So which one of y'all little bitches likes to pull pants down? You? How about you, Porky? I said, who is it? - Are you kidding? - I'm sorry.
Here's how this is gonna go.
You pull pants down ever again, I'm gonna break every bone in your body.
[SCOFFS.]
Yeah, right.
Wait till he finds out who my dad is.
[GRUNTS.]
[WHIMPERS.]
What was that about your dad? I couldn't hear it over the sound of your bones snapping.
Next time it's your thumb.
And you never rat out your boy.
Snitches get stitches.
Now carry on [DOOR CLANKS.]
Agent Turner.
Where you been? I've missed you.
- Oh, really? - No, sarcasm.
Look, I just wanna show you one thing.
- Leslie - Will you just take a look? Okay, I saw this guy, okay? He was with the three of them before.
And saw him again yesterday.
Whatever they're into, he's involved.
- Text it to me.
- Really? Okay, great.
Um, uh, what's our next move? - Just text it, Leslie.
- I could go undercover.
You know, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty.
"Donnie Brasco" is my favorite movie.
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
at the very core of our democratic system is - Jesus.
- Yeah.
- I mean, it's kind of awesome.
- Yeah.
And then it does take a pretty dark turn.
Yeah, believe me, I did not know he was gonna do that.
I just tried to scare him a little bit.
Where did you find this guy? Uh, at work.
So much for background checks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right? Oh.
My opponent makes the point that the electoral system of democracy negates the need for civil disobedience, however I feel like she really thinks she's in front of the Supreme Court right now.
Yeah, she's pretty amazing.
Duh.
Wait, wait, where are the teachers? Lucky for us, apparently this school is, uh, pretty understaffed.
You know, at St.
Anne's I bet you they'd just expel a kid if he pulled someone's pants down.
Yeah, and they also use the Bible as their science textbook.
[SIGHS.]
God, why do you have to do that? - What? - Just, like You know, we were actually having a nice moment.
- We were like vibing.
- Vibing? Oh, I'm sorry, we were "getting along.
" Whatever.
Then you just say something stupid and you ruin it every time.
All right, I'm sorry, I'm just saying that I feel like she would be happier at a place like Yes, I know what you feel, okay? You've made that abundantly clear, thanks.
I'm not just talking about her.
Oh oh, you're doing this for me? You're killing yourself trying to support her.
Oh, my God, okay, you know what? I really appreciate it, Greg.
Thank you so much for looking out for me.
That's just so sweet of you.
Just so you know, I have some pretty dope stuff in the works right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, like what? Laugh it up, you'll see.
Good morning, good morning Mom.
We talked the whole night through Good morning, good morning to you Good morning See, that's why they're gonna put us in assisted living when we're old.
Okay.
Where you going, early bird? Um, I picked up a few extra shifts this week.
That's my girl.
Do you mind holding it down? - Probably be late a lot.
- Psh, I got these people.
- Okay.
- Oh, hold on.
Oh, yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
- For what? Sucking it up.
I know it wasn't fun.
Oh, you know, they go low, we go high.
[CHUCKLES.]
Bye, baby.
- Bye.
- Okay.
Guys, Mommy going.
- Bye, babies.
- BOTH: Bye, Mom.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We have a business proposition.
Aw, you guys didn't hit me up to do brunch? To clean your fake money without having to deal with drug dealers or street people.
Street people? I got a system.
It's a liability.
It gets the job done.
How'd your friend get shot again? - What're you proposing? - Let us do it right here.
You wanna clean fake cash here? Or any big box retailer.
You know, Walmart, Costco.
They have very generous return policies.
And no one thinks twice about a wife buying her husband a flat screen TV or new tires for the minivan.
We trade it all in for fresh cash.
Fake money in, real money out.
Y'all got it all figured out, huh? What's in it for you? 20% cut of the profit.
Oh, is that right? [CHUCKLES.]
There anything else while we're at it? Y'all want health care? Union breaks? Just for the record, I'll never smuggle anything up my butt.
I could be talked into it if the compensation was appropriate wait.
Where are you going? Uh, I gotta go buy a duvet cover.
Are you in or? We'll give it a try.
We're not here to try, we're here to win, bitch.
Oh, my God.
10%.
- 15.
- 12 1/2.
- Okay, deal.
- Cool.
I usually pay 30.
I feel brand-new [KEYBOARD CLACKS, MOUSE CLICKS.]
Hey, what're you doing? Um Just playing Dr.
Google and freaking myself out.
Yeah, maybe don't do that.
Yeah, right.
When will you know more? I got a bunch of scans and tests next week.
Okay.
Well, I'll go with you.
You don't have to.
But that would be great.
Um, hey, I just wanna say thanks for letting me come home.
You're gonna be okay in here? Oh, yeah, totally.
Kenny's psyched, so am I.
I get to sleep on the top bunk.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Uh, I better go get that.
Yeah.
Hey, Bethie.
Don't worry, I got this.
I know.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hi, I'm looking for Mrs.
Boland.
That's me.
Can I help you? I'm hoping you can.
I mean, I don't know.
Nancy and I are suing you for custody.
Can I have lunch money? Those kids take it again? Douchebags.
The drug that you're talking about? Ten grand a month, out of pocket.
And I'm guessing that may not be an option.
How much is in the vault? 30 grand, give or take.
So when do you wanna do this? Ladies and gentlemen, this is a robbery.
You know how fast they're gonna lock you up? - [SCREAMS.]
- [GLASS CLINKS.]
[PANTS.]
He wants us to pick something up for him in Canada.
It's wrapping paper.
It's just wrapping paper.
I just need to know we're good.
I'm gonna need to hear you say it.
We're good.
Here's to going back to normal life.
L'chaim to that.
So what'd you wanna talk to me about? Mom, mom, mom.
It's not fair.
For Tommy's birthday, we all went out to a Pistons game.
We got box seats, and his mom bought us all jerseys.
And then and then after that, they rented a hotel with room service.
Yeah, and now Tommy's mom can't afford college.
Well, I want a birthday party.
- How about a sleepover? - With a chocolate fountain.
- You could nuke a Hershey bar.
- Mama? - This is the worst birthday ever.
- Mama? Listen, well, we can't just afford a really big, - fancy party right now.
We just can't.
- Mama? But I promise you, I'm gonna make it special.
I promise you, okay.
- Mama! - What is it? - Who's the man? - What man? The man on my bed.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
No, no, stay stay here, stay here.
Hey, you wanna go swimming at your dad's? Yay! Yay.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Yo, Ruby.
[SIGHS.]
That's my name, don't wear it out.
How does one become a waitress here? Excuse me? Like, what college has the best program? [CHUCKLING.]
I'll check if we're hiring.
Do you have to buy the uniform? 'Cause that's some I mean, that's some high quality polyester right there.
I mean, that would set me back, what ten bucks? Ah [CHUCKLES.]
.
Just go make him another one.
He can't eat this now.
Come on, chop-chop, Ruby.
Is there a problem, milkshake? What'd you call me? It's a trick I use to remember orders.
Since I didn't go to college and my memory's not so great.
You always order that milkshake, which you never finish, so you can be sure to leave my tip in the bottom of your nasty ass cup.
My two percent tip.
Three, if you're feeling generous.
It's not the money that I mind.
I mean, if you can't afford it, I get it.
I feel for you.
But please, let me know if there's anything that I can do to make your experience here more delightful.
No? Well, then, I'd appreciate it if you left your 85 cents on the table, and not in your shake today.
Cool? Okay.
All right, sweetie, enjoy.
Ah! [SHRIEKS.]
Oh, that might be hot.
- Ruby, get some ice.
- [WHIMPERS.]
All right, the Marks Express is leaving, choo-choo ow! Zipper.
What? What're you doing? We we're gonna be late.
I hate everything.
Excuse me? I just got you these.
You told me they were "lit AF.
" They're too big.
They fall down.
These are not too big.
No way.
I mean, you'd have to really yank on them.
Hey, why are you so worried about your pants falling down? I'm not.
Hey, what what's going on? Tell me.
No.
Sadie, talk to me.
No.
[CALM MUSIC.]
Are people, like, pulling your pants down? They wanna know what I am.
So no big deal, we'll buy you some belts.
Maybe something pink, and pretty, and girly, and sparkly, and alright, all right, all right.
Not the money maker.
Not the money maker.
Just hurry up, put something on.
- I don't care what it is.
- [CALL PHONE VIBRATES.]
Be outside in two minutes or you're dead, I mean it.
[WHISPERING.]
Will you tell us what's going on? This is freaking me out.
[WHISPERING.]
Oh, my God.
- Who is that? - I don't know.
What do you mean you don't know? I mean, I came back from the grocery store and he was just there.
And, I mean, I'm assuming he's, like, an associate of the gangbanger.
Come on, I thought we were done with that.
Yeah, what the hell? Okay, okay, we were.
And then God, this sounds so crazy even saying it Spit it out.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
I I I offered to do another job.
Uh You asked for this? [GUFFAWS.]
It's not like we don't need the money.
We all still need the money.
- [SNORTS.]
- So you asked for this? No, well, not this.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Shh.
I'm sorry.
[CHUCKLES.]
I just can't believe it's you and not me.
Come on, it's crazy.
Look, I just I just said that we would possibly, if the circumstances were right, pick up another load of the fake cash.
You volunteered us? It's not drugs.
It's paper.
I mean, it's literally paper.
You can't sign people up for criminal activity like it's a bake sale.
Noted, but can you just help me get this person out of my house right now? Oh, you want some help now? I'm sorry, why don't you call your BFF, the other gangbanger? He's not my BFF.
I don't even know that guy's name.
No, but I bet I bet he does, right? Maybe I can, uh - Okay, I guess I'll do it.
- Yeah, mm-hmm, I'm not.
Just watch my back, okay? Please.
Just be careful.
[FOREBODING MUSIC.]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
[STAMMERS.]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, God, okay.
Well, this is not a phone.
Just just, t take this, take it.
- Just take it.
- Oh, my Okay.
Ugh.
Okay.
I have it, I have it.
What's the last number he called? Papa John's.
The last person, Annie.
"Mom," "Mom," "Mom," "Mom," "Mom" Oh, my God, why didn't he just go to his mom's? - "Mom," "Mom," "Mom" - I know, seriously.
"Mom" and "Rio.
" That is not what I meant when I said we'd do another job.
Who is that guy? He works for me.
Do does he wash the money? Regardless, there's been a miscommunication.
Oh, so you think you can pick and choose what you wanna do and when you wanna do it? She thought it would be like driving for Uber.
Who's at fault is not important.
We are not qualified to take care of a gunshot victim.
I mean, your friend needs professional medical attention.
You're shaking your head.
Why are you shaking your head? 'Cause that kid ain't going to no hospital.
Why not? 'Cause there's people looking for him.
What if those people show up here? Trust me, ain't nobody gonna shoot up Beaver Cleaver's house.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
No, I'm sorry, that is not gonna work.
No? I [SIGHS.]
Oh.
Mm.
I have children.
Looking like a zombie, animal, animal Hey, get out my way He's up there in my daughter's bed.
I'm never gonna get that blood out.
I mean, she could sleep on the floor.
Kids love that stuff.
I'm pretty sure it'll cover a new mattress.
Don't save me So, would we get that money now, or? When I pick him up.
- When's that? - When I pick him up.
Sounds fair.
So, we got a deal, ladies? - Or what? - [EXHALES DEEPLY.]
Don't save me, don't save me [TELEPHONE RINGS, INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [MUFFLED SPEECH.]
- Mr.
Petersen.
[FULLY AUDIBLE.]
Mr.
Petersen.
Agent Turner will see you now.
[EXHALES.]
What happened after they crossed the border? Wish I knew.
I lost visual.
Mm.
Gummy? - Yeah.
- Please.
So, just so I got this, okay, these women, - they took a car - Stole.
I mean, they stole a car.
And drove it over the border.
What's your gut say? I mean, jeez.
Any number of things.
International drug ring.
Human trafficking.
- Sleeper cell.
- Homegrown jihadis.
I'm not ready to rule out anything.
Mmm.
And the one that works with you? Oh, I mean, if anyone got radicalized, it's her.
- [LAUGHS.]
- I bet.
- What's her name? - Annie.
My Annie was a Paula.
She lived in my dorm.
- What? - Ah, we both loved Hoobastank.
- Wait, hold on a second - But it didn't matter.
- I was stuck in the friend zone.
- No.
- Just like you, right? - No, that's not it at all, - actually.
- You sure about that, Leslie? They have committed crimes.
I can prove it.
Well, I can't prove it.
But I can.
But I can't.
- I mean, I wa I want to.
- I'll tell you what.
I'll do a little digging, okay? But you gotta do something for me too.
Name it.
Go to O'Brien's.
You know the bar on Birmingham? Have a couple of cocktails, and find yourself a nice girl.
Preferably one that's interested in you.
And you know what they call it? - What? - A sizzling skillet.
It says sizzling right there in the menu.
What does that tell you? - Uh, that it might be hot? - That it might be hot.
- Might not wanna touch that.
- You think? And now they're threatening to lawyer up.
What? - What does Tony say? - That I have to apologize.
Well, all right, then.
Why should I apologize? Because I didn't tell that idiot that the boiling, bubbling, sizzling platter in front of him might be hot? What's next? We start warning people that their ice cream might have a bit of a chill on it? - Look out.
- Uh.
- You you wanna know why? - Yeah, why? Oh, you okay.
Come on, come here.
Come here for a second.
Come here.
[TENDER MUSIC.]
[GIGGLING.]
These little people.
That's why you go back in there and you suck it up.
Think we're gonna have to put next month's meds on four different credit cards.
I know.
And even then, we might not make it.
Stan, you should see these kids.
They come in there.
They're so rude and disrespectful and act like they're better than everyone else.
Uh, you know I get called Paul Blart, like, every single day, right? Paul Blart.
Mall cop.
Where's your Segway? Now, but I take it, because at the end of the day, I got this to come home to.
For them um you do what you gotta do.
- Babe.
- Mm-hmm? [SIGHS.]
Chill out with the cayenne.
- That's too hot? - It's spicy.
Damn it.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey, I brought chili.
Stan made it.
It's spicy.
[SIGHS.]
Thank you.
I'm so hungry.
Did you stay up all last night? I mean, she stayed up all night.
I slept next to her like a baby.
Is he still out cold? Um, maybe we need, like, smelling salts or something.
Right, 'cause it's 1892.
You want him to wake up? I want him to not die in my house.
[THUMP.]
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
What the [GASPS.]
Oh, my God.
His gun.
Go get his gun.
- W where is it? - Uh, in the closet.
- Hurry.
- Okay.
- Where in the linen closet? - Where is it? - Top shelf.
- Top shelf.
There's no gun in here.
Help me look.
I'm a gravedigger I'm a gravedigger I'm a, I'm a gravedigger I'm a gravedigger - [GUN CLICKS.]
- [GASPS.]
Beth, there's no gun in here.
Found it.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Where am I? Where am I? Uh, my house.
You're in my house.
- Who the hell are you? - I'm a friend of your friend's.
He thought that you would be safe here.
- I need a car.
- What? Give me your car keys.
Do you understand that we actually saved you - Give me the keys! - Okay, I'm sorry.
Now! I took the bus, I took the bus.
I have really weak nails.
I can't get it off.
Okay, downstairs, on the counter.
And just take it.
[STAMMERING, WHIMPERING.]
Two car seats plus a booster? What's that gonna set me back, like 600 bucks.
Well, maybe he'll realize it and bring 'em back.
That's not how carjackings work.
I don't want him back.
He just had a gun in my face.
[SIGHS.]
Guys, what is even happening? What are we doing? What do you mean? I mean, I am so tired of almost dying.
Oh, are you? Okay, let's just try to get through this, okay? - Oh, Carl.
- No.
Carl who? BOTH: Emma's favorite bunny.
He was on the dash.
- Now he's on a drive-by.
- Ugh.
Mom? Hey, sweetie, what are you doing here? Just don't be mad at Dad.
Why? What did he do now? He told me all about the party with the bounce house and the water slide, and I invited, like, all my friends.
Five can't come, but but 32 can.
Hey! Don't be mad.
Do you wanna go play some video games? - Yeah, definitely.
- Let's do it.
You're a dead man.
Go upstairs right now and tell him we can't afford it.
You didn't see his little face.
I see his little face every day.
Oh, here we go.
Every day for the rest of my life I have to say no to those kids because of what you did.
You know what he wants for his birthday? I don't know, probably an Xbox or "Minecraft" or something very expensive.
His mom and dad back together.
- That's what he asked for? - That's what he asked for.
Damn it.
Yeah.
I would've gone for the Xbox.
[SNICKERS.]
Least we can do is throw him a damn party.
Happy retirement? They were on clearance.
No one will notice.
Yeah.
Potatoes are dirt cheap.
Hmm, what am I gonna do with potatoes at a birthday party? Um, hot potato, Mr.
Potato Head.
Two uses.
- Bake 'em.
- Ah three uses.
How'd y'all find everything today? - Depressing.
- Fine.
Yep.
Still not sure how you're gonna use 50 pounds of potatoes.
Well, just to let you know, our return policy is 30 days with a valid store receipt.
Wait, is that on anything in the store? Yeah, anything in the store.
Anything, in the store.
[UPBEAT POP MUSIC.]
Pass me the bowl, got the milk and the spoon Yeah, she got the coco puffs She got the coco puffs She got the coco puffs - Phew.
- Perfect.
We're gonna need a bigger cart.
Got me so high I feel holy We on that green guacamole And I've been [.]
the whole day Man, we can shut it down She imported, man She came from out of town Show me how you do Show me how you do Show me how you do [LAUGHTER.]
Pass me the bowl, got the milk and the spoon - Now we're ready.
- Just forgot a few things.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Oh, I think there's a coupon for this.
Oh, that's all right, we don't need it.
Yeah, save it for the next guy.
Okay, would you like to donate a dollar to the homeless? - N not right now.
- So sorry.
- Money's kind of tight.
- Sorry.
[PHONE DINGS.]
You guys, I gotta go.
It's Sadie's school.
- Yeah, go.
- I'll call you later.
Where is she? Gosh, she's back in class.
I just finished talking to her.
Well, what the hell happened? She punched a kid in the face.
Oh, okay.
Well, thank God.
Thank God? She punched a dude.
Believe me, he deserved it.
I just barely talked them out of suspending her.
Greg, did she tell you why she punched him in the face? N no.
They pull her pants down.
What? Yeah, in the cafeteria in front of everybody.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
- Well, we gotta go tell them.
- No, no, no, no.
Greg, what is wrong with you? That just makes it worse.
- Trust me.
- Annie.
Greg, in ninth grade my mom went to the principal because there was a rumor about me involving a coat closet and some over the pants I I remember.
You do? [CHUCKLES.]
Why do you think I hung out with you? Shut up.
Just don't say anything, okay? Please? I will handle it.
Ah, that terrifies me.
[SIGHS.]
I know.
This is so messed up.
Yeah.
I know.
He couldn't sleep last night.
He was in so much pain.
Poor thing.
It's a third-degree burn.
We took pictures.
I might need a skin graft.
[SOUL MUSIC.]
Well, we've all been sick over this whole thing, especially Ruby.
Isn't that right, Ruby? - That's right.
- And she's so thankful for this opportunity to apologize in person.
Isn't that right, Ruby? That's right.
She's gonna have to say a little bit more than that.
- All due respect - I'm sorry.
This woman was careless and rude and hurt my son.
No wait a minute.
Your son hurt himself.
You went out of your way not to warn him that plate was hot.
Are you for real? Just say you're sorry.
She is sorry.
And yet we still haven't heard it.
- Do you all have children? - I do.
Look at the example you're setting.
[MOUTHING WORDS.]
I'm sorry.
Okay? - Thank you, Ruby.
- It's not okay.
That was completely insincere.
And kind of bitchy.
- Oh, you want me to mean it? - That'd be nice.
I'm sorry.
How was that? - That's great.
- Ah, no, no, no.
- Wait a second, Tony.
- Eh Let me give it another go.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic human decency, and how to treat anyone especially service people with respect.
- She doesn't mean that.
- No, I do.
- I am one sorry bitch.
- Ah I'm sorry you have your head so far up your ass that you think it's okay to blame everyone else for your son being a moron.
I'm sorry he's such a punk-ass bitch because that is a surface burn.
And I am especially sorry that the friends you bring in here are as entitled and as spoiled and as awful as you, because if kids like you all are our future, God help us all.
Now, that's what I'm sorry about.
I'll go clean out my locker.
That'd be good.
[FUNK MUSIC.]
Ah.
Uh, uh, uh.
Seriously? I upgraded you to the 32-inch.
And got it for you at wholesale price.
Why? I wanna do something nice.
Why? So that maybe we could start fresh.
Why? I've been praying on it and I'm not proud of my part in everything.
Oh, so this is like an "I'm sorry I tried to rape you" cake? That was too many words.
Whoa.
Hey, there's the birthday boy, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Hey, check it out.
This is for you.
What is it? Well, just a little something.
Some exfoliant, a little little scrub, loofah, some bubble bath, you know? You, uh, like to take baths, huh? Okay.
Get yourself all squeaky clean? Okay.
Ah, you managed to make that disgusting.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hey, you got turkey pinwheels, huh? Yeah, feel free to grab some on your way out.
Hey, how much do you think they'd pay for this party? I have no idea.
He's lined up in the shotgun Oh, oh, oh, are we still up? No, tied 21-21.
Wester caught a two-yard end zone pass, wide open.
- Ah, come - That's PI, that is PI.
- Come on, fellas.
- Every single time.
- We never get the call.
- Really? Why don't we get that call? Look at this.
[SIGHS.]
So how you holding up, man? You know, with everything that's going on.
- Great.
- Good.
- Yeah, we're doing great.
- All right.
I mean It's been tough.
Well, brother, marriage ain't easy.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's like, take your eye off the road, you're gonna hit a speed bump every now and then, right? - No doubt.
- Just gotta keep moving on.
- You know? - For sure.
But, I think she'll come back.
Well, pssh, bro, for sure.
[SNIFFLES.]
I mean she's got to, right? [SOBBING, SNIFFLING.]
- Tell me one thing.
- Yeah.
When they gonna bring Big Play Slay into the game? - [CHUCKLES.]
- I mean, he gets it done.
- He always does, right? - Right? Yeah.
- Ice.
Dripping.
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry, my bad.
Ah! - It's a good play, finally.
- Yes.
One stop.
- Dude.
- Can they even do that? Isn't there some kind of, like, HR protocol or something? [SNICKERS.]
It's a diner, not Microsoft.
So unfair.
What did Stan say? I can't tell Stan.
Oh, honey.
Not when we're this deep underwater.
I just you know, I gotta get something else going first.
Well, good news is there are plenty of other extremely depressing and unpleasant jobs out there.
Right? [CHUCKLES.]
What? I'm just I'm just saying, you know.
You want fun, you rob a grocery store.
Hey! You don't work minimum wage.
ALL: Happy birthday, dear Kenny Happy birthday to you [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Yeah, whoo, whoo, whoo! Happy birthday, buddy.
Don't forget to make a wish.
I wish that Daddy could live at home again.
Okay.
Got anything else? Come on, blow out the candles, baby.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
ALL: Yeah! [OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Excuse me.
Daddy, Daddy.
Daddy, Daddy? - Hey, does, um - Daddy.
Does Mommy ever have any, like, you know, new friends come over? Just a man in bed.
I'm not supposed to tell you that.
Huh.
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC.]
You can't just walk in here.
The door was open.
It's because I'm having a party with children and their parents.
Oh, my God, you brought a gun? Of course you brought a gun.
- Is this your husband? - Yes.
- What's he do? - He sells cars.
Is he good at it? [STAMMERS.]
Why does that matter? Yeah, he don't look too trustworthy to me.
What do you want? What do you want? Came to pick up my boy.
That's hilarious.
He's not here.
And by the way, when he left, he held me at gunpoint, and then stole my car.
So I'm gonna need payment for that too.
- Oh, I'm sorry, what payment? - Excuse me.
Yeah, you get paid when you do a job.
Did did you do a job? - He left.
- Then that's on you.
What am I supposed to do? Chain him to a bed? Oh, baby, what you think this is, little league? And you get a trophy just for playing? I tried.
I don't give a damn if you try.
You gotta win, bitch.
Beth, you you okay? Fine, yeah.
Fine.
[DISTANT CHATTER.]
Cars, huh? Bye, guys, see you later.
- Oh, sorry.
- Excuse me.
Hey, have we met before? Nah, I don't think so.
You look so familiar.
Nah, just a friend of the family.
[CHATTER.]
I'm coming.
Thank you so much.
ALL: One, two, three, atom bomb! - Oh! - [LAUGHTER.]
One more time.
Let's go, come on.
[LAUGHTER.]
Okay, ready? All right, go.
One, two Atom bomb.
Mmm.
Hope you didn't pop the bounce house, 'cause I gotta return that.
That thing is awesome.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
So who's your new friend? What? You know, the guy with the throat tats.
Oh, he dropped off the bounce house.
Hmm, you were fighting with the bounce house guy in our bedroom? It's really none of your business.
Emma says he sleeps over.
Oh, well, Emma also thinks the Easter Bunny sleeps in her closet, so Is he the reason you're not wearing your ring? - Oh, my God.
- What? I have a right to know.
You lost your right when you stuck your penis in your secretary.
- Come on.
- I want you out.
- What? - Yeah, I want you gone now.
No, it's Kenny's birthday party.
Kenny's birthday party is over, and I am exhausted, and I would like to put the kids to bed.
- It's my house too, Beth.
- The hell it is.
And you're still my wife, so Yeah.
I gotta get on that.
Oh, yeah? What does that mean? What do you think it means? Hey, you guys, it's time to come in.
- Beth, please.
- Guys, time for bed.
Can we just sit down and talk for a second? I don't have anything to say.
- Guys! - Just wait.
What, Dean? What? - I just - What? I have cancer.
[LAUGHTER.]
CHILDREN: Atom bomb! Atom bomb, atom bomb.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
What am I gonna tell the kids? I don't know.
How are we gonna pay for it? I don't know.
What if he's really, really sick? [WHIMPERS.]
We'll get through it together.
How do you know that? 'Cause we always do.
When did life become this big monster that we just have to constantly feed? All right there, little Nietzsche, go back to sleep, okay? I can't, I have to return all that stuff.
Don't worry about that.
I'll do it.
Where's the receipt? - In my purse.
- Okay.
I can't believe I spent ten grand on a party.
[CHUCKLES.]
Did you see that little kid's face? You're an amazing, amazing mother.
So are you.
Besides, all that stuff is getting returned, so it doesn't matter.
[SNIFFLES.]
[PENSIVE MUSIC.]
Can you make breakfast? Hmm, well, that depends.
What'd you have in mind? My mommy usually makes crepes.
Well, Auntie's specialty is cereal.
Mmm.
Hey, go inside really quick, okay? I'll be right there.
Go on.
Yo.
Thanks for loaning me the whip.
What did you do to it? Yeah, sorry about that.
My sister drives that to carpool I filled up the tank.
Things got a little out of hand, so I mean, I owe you all some time, for real.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hey, do you need a ride? They say they coming for you but I don't want none 'Cause I really don't care Get the pudding.
- Ooh.
- Ah.
This may be communism but I tell you this is mine Oh.
[CHUCKLING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
What, what you've been thinking Oh.
I set it off What, what you've been thinking Yo, what's for lunch? What you got? Just, like, a veggie medley? Mommy wants you to lose a few, huh? So which one of y'all little bitches likes to pull pants down? You? How about you, Porky? I said, who is it? - Are you kidding? - I'm sorry.
Here's how this is gonna go.
You pull pants down ever again, I'm gonna break every bone in your body.
[SCOFFS.]
Yeah, right.
Wait till he finds out who my dad is.
[GRUNTS.]
[WHIMPERS.]
What was that about your dad? I couldn't hear it over the sound of your bones snapping.
Next time it's your thumb.
And you never rat out your boy.
Snitches get stitches.
Now carry on [DOOR CLANKS.]
Agent Turner.
Where you been? I've missed you.
- Oh, really? - No, sarcasm.
Look, I just wanna show you one thing.
- Leslie - Will you just take a look? Okay, I saw this guy, okay? He was with the three of them before.
And saw him again yesterday.
Whatever they're into, he's involved.
- Text it to me.
- Really? Okay, great.
Um, uh, what's our next move? - Just text it, Leslie.
- I could go undercover.
You know, I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty.
"Donnie Brasco" is my favorite movie.
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
at the very core of our democratic system is - Jesus.
- Yeah.
- I mean, it's kind of awesome.
- Yeah.
And then it does take a pretty dark turn.
Yeah, believe me, I did not know he was gonna do that.
I just tried to scare him a little bit.
Where did you find this guy? Uh, at work.
So much for background checks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Right? Oh.
My opponent makes the point that the electoral system of democracy negates the need for civil disobedience, however I feel like she really thinks she's in front of the Supreme Court right now.
Yeah, she's pretty amazing.
Duh.
Wait, wait, where are the teachers? Lucky for us, apparently this school is, uh, pretty understaffed.
You know, at St.
Anne's I bet you they'd just expel a kid if he pulled someone's pants down.
Yeah, and they also use the Bible as their science textbook.
[SIGHS.]
God, why do you have to do that? - What? - Just, like You know, we were actually having a nice moment.
- We were like vibing.
- Vibing? Oh, I'm sorry, we were "getting along.
" Whatever.
Then you just say something stupid and you ruin it every time.
All right, I'm sorry, I'm just saying that I feel like she would be happier at a place like Yes, I know what you feel, okay? You've made that abundantly clear, thanks.
I'm not just talking about her.
Oh oh, you're doing this for me? You're killing yourself trying to support her.
Oh, my God, okay, you know what? I really appreciate it, Greg.
Thank you so much for looking out for me.
That's just so sweet of you.
Just so you know, I have some pretty dope stuff in the works right now.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, like what? Laugh it up, you'll see.
Good morning, good morning Mom.
We talked the whole night through Good morning, good morning to you Good morning See, that's why they're gonna put us in assisted living when we're old.
Okay.
Where you going, early bird? Um, I picked up a few extra shifts this week.
That's my girl.
Do you mind holding it down? - Probably be late a lot.
- Psh, I got these people.
- Okay.
- Oh, hold on.
Oh, yeah.
- I'm proud of you.
- For what? Sucking it up.
I know it wasn't fun.
Oh, you know, they go low, we go high.
[CHUCKLES.]
Bye, baby.
- Bye.
- Okay.
Guys, Mommy going.
- Bye, babies.
- BOTH: Bye, Mom.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
We have a business proposition.
Aw, you guys didn't hit me up to do brunch? To clean your fake money without having to deal with drug dealers or street people.
Street people? I got a system.
It's a liability.
It gets the job done.
How'd your friend get shot again? - What're you proposing? - Let us do it right here.
You wanna clean fake cash here? Or any big box retailer.
You know, Walmart, Costco.
They have very generous return policies.
And no one thinks twice about a wife buying her husband a flat screen TV or new tires for the minivan.
We trade it all in for fresh cash.
Fake money in, real money out.
Y'all got it all figured out, huh? What's in it for you? 20% cut of the profit.
Oh, is that right? [CHUCKLES.]
There anything else while we're at it? Y'all want health care? Union breaks? Just for the record, I'll never smuggle anything up my butt.
I could be talked into it if the compensation was appropriate wait.
Where are you going? Uh, I gotta go buy a duvet cover.
Are you in or? We'll give it a try.
We're not here to try, we're here to win, bitch.
Oh, my God.
10%.
- 15.
- 12 1/2.
- Okay, deal.
- Cool.
I usually pay 30.
I feel brand-new [KEYBOARD CLACKS, MOUSE CLICKS.]
Hey, what're you doing? Um Just playing Dr.
Google and freaking myself out.
Yeah, maybe don't do that.
Yeah, right.
When will you know more? I got a bunch of scans and tests next week.
Okay.
Well, I'll go with you.
You don't have to.
But that would be great.
Um, hey, I just wanna say thanks for letting me come home.
You're gonna be okay in here? Oh, yeah, totally.
Kenny's psyched, so am I.
I get to sleep on the top bunk.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
Uh, I better go get that.
Yeah.
Hey, Bethie.
Don't worry, I got this.
I know.
[UPBEAT MUSIC.]
Hi, I'm looking for Mrs.
Boland.
That's me.
Can I help you? I'm hoping you can.