Gossip Girl s01e12 Episode Script
111 - School Lies
Gossip Girl Here-- Your One And Only Source Into The Scandalous Lives Of Manhattan's Elite.
At What Point Do We Admit That No Matter How Much We Want It Or How Hard We Try It's Just Not Working.
You're Going Back To Hudson, Aren't You? Yeah.
Rufus, Why Are You Calling? I Miss You.
Mom, You Cannot Date Bart Bass.
You Said A Moment Ago You Didn't Care Who It Was.
He Raised Chuck.
Would You Do Me The Honor Of Being My Wife? I Think You Like Dan ??? Just Thought I Should Let You Know Someone's Watching.
Chuck, You Are Not Answering My Calls.
Please, For The Love Of God, Do Not Tell Anybody About Us.
Don't Worry.
B.
Who Would I Tell?(From Chuck) And Who Am I? That's A Secret I'll Never Tell.
You Know You Love Me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
On The Upper East Side, It's Easy To Think That The World Is Exactly As It Appears-- Refined, Elegant, Imposing.
But Sometimes, All It Takes Is A Little Key To Open The Door To The Wild Side.
Nate.
Why Have You Been Avoiding Me? Avoiding You? What? Ever Since I Got Back From Monaco, You've Been--You're Not Returning My Calls Or My Texts.
I've Barely Seen You.
Really? I Don't Recall.
Oh? Well, Do You Recall That Night After The Debutante Ball Yes, I Do.
Blair? What Are You Doing? This.
Good Catching Up.
Enough With The Blackmail.
Aren't You Bored Already? I Can't Avoid Nate Forever.
Excuse Me.
I Didn't Say Forever.
Just Until The Sight Of The Two Of You Together Doesn't Turn My Stomach.
And When Will That Be? Only Time Will Tell, I'm Afraid.
So Unless You Want Dear Nathaniel To Know How You Lost Your Virginity To Me In The Back Of A Moving Vehicle, I Encourage Patience And Restraint.
Isn't There Someone Else You Can Torture? Probably, But I Choose You.
Why Don't I Turn That, Uh, One-Piece Into A No-Piece? Find A Floatie To Talk To, Chuck.
You Know, If My Dad And Your Mom Come Back From South Africa Tomorrow Engaged, We'll Be Brother And Sister.
And You Know What They Say-- The Family That Plays Together Stays Together.
Ah, Incest-- The Universal Taboo.
One Of The, Um, Only Ones You Haven't Violated.
Well, I'm Game If You Are.
Dan Humphrey, Age 17, Enjoying An Exotic Meal Of Cheerios On An Exciting Saturday Night In.
Come On.
Be Interesting.
You Don't Want Me To Move Back To Vermont, Do You? No, But If Your Whole Future Depends Getting This Grant For Your Documentary, I-I Really, Really Think You Should Find A New Subject.
Absolutely Not.
The Outsider Goes Inside-- A Likable Everyman's Pursuit Of His Dream Girl Begins His Descent Into The Bowels Of Hell.
This Is Mythic Stuff.
Okay, Not Big On The Soundtrack.
Whatever Movie He's Scoring Sounds Depressing.
Yeah, I Think It's A Biopic.
Try Listening To That For Three Weeks Straight.
But Before Christmas, My Dad Hadn't Finished A Song In Years, So I Really Don't Have The Heart To Ask Him To Stop.
Well, I Do.
Hey, Serena.
Yes! Finally Some Action.
Hey.
What Are You Up To Besides Missing Me? Oh, Uh, Just Wondering If You're Missing Me.
Aw! Well, Of Course I Am, At This Party That Would Be A Lot More Fun If You Were Here.
Party? I Thought It Was A Quiet Night With Blair, Your Last Night At Her Place Before Your Mom Comes Home? Yeah, We Were, And Then Kati And Is Showed Up, And We All Went Out, And We Ran Into Some People And Then Ended Up Here.
Where--Where's Here? Wait A Second.
That's, Um That's School, Is It Not? Bring Your Bathing Suit! You're Swimming? No, You Hung Up.
So What Will It Be, Dan-- Cheerios And Chaucer Or An Illegal Party At Your Prep School Pool With Your High Society Girlfriend And Her Nasty Cohorts? Dad? Vanessa And I Are--Are Going Out.
All Right.
Well, Uh, If You Wanted To Get The Perfect Shot Of Me Feeling Like An Outsider, Then I'm Ready For My Close-Up.
Dan! Oh! Hey.
Hey! Hehe Vanessa.
Hey.
Come On, Guys.
Help! Call The Ambulance! Call An Ambulance.
Someone Call 9-1-1.
Hi.
Hi.
We--We Need-- We Need An Ambulance.
Yeah, A-A Kid-- He--He Hit His Head, And--And He Fell In The Pool.
It--It's 719, Uh, East 82nd Street.
Thanks To The Cell Phone That Somebody Left Behind, We've Got Plenty Of Evidence Of Who Was At The Party.
Lucky For You, Andrew Collins Is Going To Be Fine.
Unlucky For You, We Need To Hold Someone Responsible.
Ms.
Queller? Hello.
I'm Ms.
Queller, The New Headmistress At Constance.
It's Unfortunate That We Meet Under These Circumstances.
But I Look Forward To Getting To Know Each And Every One Of You.
I've Already Talked To Your Parents At Least, Those I Could Reach, And Look Forward To Reading Your Personal Essays-- Describing How You Came To Be On School Property After Hours, Using Alcohol And Drugs, Where A Fellow Student Almost Died.
In Other Words, What The Hell Is Wrong With You? I'll Also Be Conducting One-On-One Interviews Until I Discover Ho Broke Into The Pool And Initiated The Party.
That Person Will Be Expelled.
If That Person Is Not Identified, Then You'll All Face Expulsion.
So We All Know How This Works.
Look, No One Talks, No One Gets Into Trouble.
Who Did Break In, Anyway? I Guess We Don't He To Worry About Nate Cracking Under Pressure.
So Are We All Agreed? Agreed.
Look, Blair, I-I Know You Have Your Sights Set On Yale, But This--This Skull And Bones Stuff Is A Bit Much, Don't You Think? Maybe, But It Works Every Time.
You Know, When Someone Says "Every Time," It Sounds Like--Like--Like More Than A Few Times.
Erything's Gonna Be Fine.
Were You Just In The Same Assembly As Me? Do You Really Think She's Gonna Expel Two-Thirds Of The Junior Class? Look, I Got You Into This.
I'm Gonna Get You Out Of It, Okay? Trust Me.
There's A Weak Link In Every Chain, And It's Just A Matter Of Time Before This One Snaps.
I'm Innocent.
Well Except For A Crime Of Passion.
I Did Something Stupid With Someone.
And Even Worse Than Doing That Stupid Thing, I Did The Same Stupid Thing With Someone Else And Pretended I Had Never Done That Stupid Thing Before.
You Look Confused.
Should I Walk You Through It? Let's Stay On Point.
I Reviewed Your Record.
It's Pristine.
If Constance Has A Shining Star, It's Blair Waldorf.
I Would Never Have Expected This From You.
I Know.
I'm The Perfect One.
Ms.
Waldorf, Who Broke Into The Pool? Like You Said, My Unfortunate Participation In Said Party Was Entirely Out Of Character.
I Don't Know Anything About It.
You're Taking That Paper Seriously.
This Isn't A Paper.
It's It's A Heartfelt Letter To Blair.
A Heartfelt Letter? Who Spayed You, Man? Blair Doesn't Even Want You.
She's Been Crystal About That Since We Got Back.
Didn't Seem That Way En She Kissed Me At The Pool.
She Kissed You? Well, I Kissed Her, But Yep.
What Was She Like? Into It? Or Was She More Like-- Of Course She Was Into It, Man.
What Do You Think? Yeah, I Know, But, Uh You Know Blair Yes, I Do.
I Think She Wants Me To Suffer A Little More.
You Know, Even The Playing Field? It's Worth It, Believe Me.
Hey, Dad.
Listen, Uh, I-I Got Your 1,001 Messages.
I Just Haven't Had A Chance To Get Back To Ya.
Yeah, That's Not Gonna Work.
I Guess You Heard From The New Headmistress.
Look, I Know How Upset And Apparently, Some Of The Kids Who Were At The Party Didn't Even Tell Their Parents.
Look, You Don't Have To Say I-I Regret Even Leaving The House Saturday.
Yeah, But If You Know Keep You Out Of Trouble, Then You Need To Cooperate.
I Don't.
Dan, Don't Think For A Second These Other Kids Aren't Gonna Be Looking Out For Themselves.
You Need To Do The Same.
All Right? I Hope I'm Not Interrupting Anything.
I Just Got A Message That Our Kids Are In Some Kind Of Trouble At School.
And You Came All The Way To Brooklyn To Talk About It? No, No, Not About That.
Um, Bart And I Just Landed At The Airport Back From Our Trip, And He Proposed, And I'm Going To Say Yes.
I Wanted You To Hear It From Me First, Not From My Daughter Or Your Son.
Right, The People Who Actually Talk To Me.
Oh, If You're Referring You Left Me On Christmas Day, I Didn't Get It Until We Were Already On The Plane.
It Was Very Endearing, Though.
But Not Enough To Turn The G5 Around? You Miss Me.
That's Great.
I Miss You, Too.
What? You Kissed Me At Eleanor's Party, And Then You Say You Can't See Me Anymore Because Your Wife Came Home, And Then You Call And Say You Should've Never Let Me Go, And Then You're Back With Alison Again.
I Didn't Plan Any Of That.
That Is Just It With You, Rufus.
You Don't Even Plan Anything.
Well, I'm Sure That Your Current Plan Will Be Full Of Private Jets And 5-Star Hotels.
Take Care, Rufus.
Do You Really Have To Show This To Me Now? Trust Me When I Say You're Gonna Wanna See This Before You Enter Blair Waldorf's Evil Lair.
It's A Homework Group, Vanessa.
We're Just Gonna Be Writing Papers, You Know? Here.
I Wasn't Sure What It Was Till I Got It Home And Saw It On The Computer, But-- Okay, That's Chuck.
Wh--Wh What Are You Holding Here? It's A Key.
Spotted--Lonely Boy Learning That When The Punishment Fits The Crime, There's No Reason You Can't Serve Your Sentence In Style.
Yay! You're Here.
I Thought We Were Gonna Work On Our Papers.
We Are.
One Night At Bilboquet, Kati And Is Made Out With A Guy In Cornell's Ethics Program.
They're Getting Tips Now.
I Thought I Told You You Couldn't Film Me.
Come Here.
You Are So Naive.
Michael Moore Over There Is Obviously Just Using This Film To Get Close To Dan.
No, She Needs That Grant Money.
So Did You Bring Your Legal Pad? You Wait Here.
I'll Find Us A Quiet Place To Work.
Okay.
I Can't Believe You Brought That Here.
It's Evidence.
Give It To Me.
Chuck.
You Need To Tell The Truth.
Whatever Happened To "Don't Speak Until Spoken To"? I Just Saw You With That Key.
I Know You Had It At The Party.
Poor Little Humphrey Dumpty.
Look, Let Me Clarify Something For You.
Regardless Of Who You're Currently Sleeping With, You And I Come From Different Worlds.
In My World, If I'm Suspended Or Expelled, A Wing Is Donated In The Bass Name.
That Sounds Like Quite A World.
Well, It's Not Perfect, I'll Admit.
But One Thing It Does Offer In Spades Is Security.
My Family Can Take Care Of Me.
What Do The Humphreys Have To Offer? Used Metrocards? Your Dad's Cassingle? And In Case You Were Wondering, You Narc, I Only Took The Key From The Party To Hide It So We Didn't All Get Blamed Including You.
Blair.
Nate.
What Are You Doing Here? I, Uh, Wanted To Talk To You.
I Brought You This.
It's A Love Letter.
A Hostess Can't Hide In Her Room.
It's Unladylike.
Hey.
Hey, Where Are You Going? I Made Us A Study Area In The Other Room.
You Know What? I'm Just Gonna I-I Think--I Think Chuck Is Right.
Wait.
Chuck? No, The Guy Has A Point, Actually.
Maybe The Reason None Of You Guys Take This Seriously Is Because For You It's Not.
No, It Is.
Vanessa, Please, Some Space.
I'm Sorry.
Sorry.
Look, I'm All For Loyalty And I'm All For Sticking Together, But We Are Not In The Same Boat Here.
I'm On A Partial Scholarship.
My Parents Have No Way Of Buying My Way Back Into This School, Or Any Other.
And I Know This Isn't Going To Be A Popular Opinion With--With Your Band Of Brothers, But If The Person Who Brought That Key Refuses To Step Up, Then Anybody Who Knows Anything Has The Right To Say Something.
Do--Do You Know Who It Is? You Do, Don't You, And You're Not Gonna Say Anything? Dan, Please.
You Don't Understand.
You're Right.
I-I Mean, I Don't Understand.
Hey, Let Go Of Me, Bass.
Drop Your Archibald Habit First.
You Know I Already Have.
Really? A Kiss Does Sort Of Send The Wrong Signal.
Let's Not Waste Time Denying.
You Know What? I'm Tired Of This.
Go Ahead And Tell Him.
Really? You Want Me To Tell Him How You Slept With Me And Then Faked Your Virginity For Him? I'll Just Tell Him And Who Do You Think He'll Believe? You, Who Bangs Anything In His Field Of Vision, Or Me, His Pure And Honest Girlfriend Of Many Years? Well, Now He'll Believe Me.
Why? I Have Proof.
Good Eye, Docu-Girl.
I'll Take The Tape Now.
You Knew She Was Watching? This Is My House.
That Tape Belongs To Me.
Actually, This Is My Footage, And Thanks To Both Of You, I Think I Got A New Angle On My Subject.
Hey, Vanessa, If You Think I'm Gonna Let Go Of Me.
Let You Walk Out Of Here With That Tape, You're Crazy.
Hey! Last Time I Checked, I Still Owe You A Black Eye.
So Unless This Is You Coming To Claim It, Stay Away From Her.
Now That Sex And Lies Have Been Caught On Videotape, V.
'S Documentary Just Became The Most Anticipated New Release Of The Year.
Rufus.
What Are You Doing Here? I'm Not Leaving A Message From The Courtyard This Time.
Well, I Can See That.
But Five Minutes Ago, My Kids Would've-- Why Did You Really Come I Told You.
Out Of Respect For-- Respect Or Regret? You Wanted Me To Give You A Reason Not To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With Bart Bass.
Rufus I'm Still In Love With You.
So What Exactly Are You Offering, Rufus? Some Retrospective Of The Way We Were Over A Decade Ago? Look, We're Not 20 And On The Road.
Thank God We're Not, Because Your Mother Made This Decision For You Back Then, Remember? Yes.
Mm.
Look I Don't Know Exactly What It Would Even Mean For Us To Be Together.
But Can You Look At Me And Tell Me You're Not The Least Bit Curious? You're At The Same Crossroads You Were Years Ago.
Claim Your Life This Time.
Live It The Way You Want To Live It.
I Did It.
I Broke Into The School.
After All Your Family Has Been Through This Year, I'm Surprised To Learn That You're Behind Something Like This.
I Know, I Know.
And I Apologize.
From What I Can See, You Always Seem To Be Toeing The Line Of Mediocrity, Nathaniel.
Your Grades Are Average At Best, Almost As Though You're Not Committed To School Or Your Future.
Can We Just Move On To The Punishment Part Of This Meeting, Please? Certainly.
But I'm Curious.
Can You Please Describe How You Broke Into The School? I Can Do Betr.
I Can Show You.
And How Did You Get Access To This Key? You're Not On The Swim Team.
Not A Janitor, Right? No.
Where's The Key Chain? The Key Chain? Do You Remember Its Color? Size? What It's Made Of? Anything At All? Who Are You Trying To Protect? May I Have A Word? Off Camera.
Uh, Sure.
But I Think I Know What You're Gonna Say.
And I Can Save You The Indignity Of Groveling By Telling You Right Now--No Way Are You Gonna Get That Tape.
I Wasn't Going To Grovel, And The Fact That You Even Went There Makes It Clear You Have No Idea Who You're Dealing With.
What Are You Gonna Do To Me, Blackball Me From Eating Yogurt On The Met Steps? You Have Nothing I Need.
You Put That Footage In Your Film, You Won't Be Able To Show It.
I Won't Sign A Release.
I'm Not Looking For A Distribution Deal, Just A Local Arts Grant So I Can Pay My Rent.
Now If You'll Excuse Me You're In My Shot.
What's That, Your Stripper Money? $10,000 For The Tape.
You Think I'd Take Your Money? Yes, I Do.
I Know Girlsilike You.
You Act Like Money's Not Important.
The Truth Is, Money's Important To Everyone.
And I Thought Blair Was Manipulative.
Blair's An Amateur.
She Thinks You're Just Like Her.
To Blair, This Money Is A Couple Pairs Of Manolos And A Chanel Bag.
But I Know That This Much Cash Can Make A Real Difference In Your Life.
You're Sick.
You're Welcome.
Who Knew B.
And C.
Were Such Patrons Of The Arts? Call It Philanthropy Or Bribery.
It Looks Like Everyone Has Their Price.
Something On Your Mind, Lily? Uh Yeah? What Are You Saying? I'm Sorry.
It's Sheldon.
He Has Those Numbers I Was Asking For.
Do You Mind? No.
Yeah.
Just Make Sure He Gets It At The Current Rate.
The Dollar's Been All Over The Place.
Hello? I Was Thinking About What You Said.
Let's Do It.
Let's See What We Are.
Let's See What We Could Be.
Who Is This? Rufus Lily, This Is Great.
Do You Know How Great This Is? Well, Yes.
I Mean, I-I Do.
I Mean, I Think So.
Let's Go Away Tonight.
Let's Get Away From Everyone, Everything, Just Figure It Out.
Wh-Where Would We Go? Who Cares? Okay, Sounds Like A Plan.
Um 90th And 5th.
6:00? Okay.
I'm Scared, Rufus In A Good Way.
Me, Too.
Settle Down, Please.
Yesterday, I Talked About The Serious Consequences Proof.
Worth Every Penny.
For Your Dishonorable Actions, And Obviously, You Didn't Believe Me.
But Someone Came Forward Today And Claimed Responsibility Do You Know Who? For A Crime He Did Not Commit.
And Although I Appreciate His Self-Sacrifice, I Don't Abide Dishonesty.
And I Think It's Time You All Know How Serious I Am.
Nathaniel Archibald Is Suspended From St.
Jude's.
And, Yes, This Will Go On His Transcript.
Effective Immediately.
Mr.
Archibald, You Know Where To Find The Exit.
This Just In--Nate Archibald, Dead Man Walking.
We Hear St.
Jude's Has A New Policy-- An Eye For A Lie.
Watch Him Go, Students.
Who Wants To Be Next? Until One Of You Comes Forward, We'll Keep Going Until Every Last One Of You Has Walked Out That Door.
I Don't Believe This.
Dan, It's Okay.
Serena, I-I Can't-- I Can't Get Expelled.
I Cannot Get Suspended.
My Whole Future Is Riding On This.
If You Know Who Broke In, Then Why Won't You Give Them Up? Because It Was Me.
So Why--Why Didn't You Tell Me Right Away? 'Cause I Didn't Want You To Judge Me.
Aren't We Already Beyond That? And I Didn't Want You To Know Because I Didn't Want You To Have To Be In The Position You're In Now Of Having To Choose Between Protecting Me And Helping Yourself.
So How'd You Even Get In? I Have A Key.
You Had A Key To The Pool? All Right, What Happened To Being Beyond This? Sorry.
The End Of Freshman Year, I Kind Of Dated The Swim Team Captain, And He Gave Me A Key So That We Could You Know, Meet Up, And That's--Enough Said.
And Saturday Night-- What Happened Then? Well, Blair And I Ran Out Of Places To Go, And She Knew I Still Had A Key, And Before I Knew It, It's Like We Were All There.
And I Thought It Was Just Gonna Be Us Girls.
And Then Everybody Got On Their Phone, And More People Started Showing Up, And I Just Never Thought Anybody Was Gonna Get Hurt.
Yeah.
Well, You Can Still Tell Queller The Truth.
I Think She'll Respect Your Honesty.
Yeah, Like She Respected Nate's? No, Nate Lied.
And Besides, You're Serena Van Der Woodsen.
You Didn't Know Me Before I Went Away.
Barely Got Back Into Constance.
If I Got Expelled, I Don't Think Any School In Town Would Take Me.
I'm Sure That's Not True.
I Can't Risk Going Back To Boarding School, Being Away From You And Eric.
But I Don't Want You To Lose Your Future.
Wow.
Oh, Wow.
You Really Can Be Damned If You Do And Screwed If You Don't.
Dan Humphrey, Headmistress Queller Is Requesting To See Y U Iher Office After Class.
Nate.
Hey.
Are You Okay? Yeah,I'll Be Fine.
It's,Uh My Parents Have So Much Other Stuff Going On Right Now They'll Get Over It.
Either Way,It Was Worth It.
Worth It? Yes.
Blair,I Know How Much Your Future Means To You.
And You've Worked So Hard For Yale And Everything-- What Are You Talking About? You Don't Have To Lie.
I Saw The Key In Your Bedroom.
That Key Isn't Mine.
I Was St Hiding It For Someone Else.
Wait That's Why You Were Suspended? You Told The Headmistress It Was Yours Because You Thought It Was Mine? That's The Most Romantic Thing Anyone Has Ever Done For Me.
I Love You.
Please.
You And I Just Can't Happen Right Now.
Why Not? I Don't Want To Be With You.
Good Catching Up.
You're Home Early.
Please Don't Tell Me You're Expelled.
Not Yet.
Your Position At That School Is Already Too Precarious.
One False Move, And You Know What? I Can't Do Anything To Help You.
I Know.
I Know.
I Just Wanna Hide Under The Covers And Make It All Go Away.
And Apparently,You Do,Too.
You And Bart Just Got Back.
Why Are You Packing Again? Well,I Was Just Gonna Go For A,You Know, A Little Spa Trip For The Weekend.
'Cause You're So Stressed Out From Your Vacation? Aren't You Gonna Answer That? No,I Don't Think So.
Mom, Is Dan's Dad The Reason You Haven't Answered Bart's Proposal? You Can't.
Please,Mom,Not This One.
Look,I Will Not Base My Personal Life On Your Preferences.
Dan Is My Boyfriend.
And I Know We're Too Young To Talk About Forever, But Right Now That's What It Feels Like.
I Know It Does,Sweetie, But-- But What? Tell Me That Rufus Is That Important To You.
Tell Me That Whatever The Two Of You Have Is The Most Important Thing In Your Life, Because That's What Dan Is To Me,Mom.
The Most Important.
I Would Rather Be Chuck's Stepsister Than Dan's.
Please Don't Do This To Me.
Dan Means That Much To You? Yeah,He Does.
In Fact,I Have To Go.
Wait.
Where? School.
There's Something I Have To Do.
And I Hope There's Something You Have To Do,Too.
What Are You Doing Here? I Brought This For You.
What's The Catch? I Know This Might Come As A Shock, But Not Everyone Operates From An Agenda.
In Fact, Some People Do Things Simply Because It's The Decent Thing To Do.
Smash It,Burn It,Whatever.
There Are No Copies.
What About The One You Gave To Chuck? It's Blank,Which I'm Sure He'll Be Thrilled To Discover.
And About What's On That Tape-- Having Observed You In Your Natural Habitat These Past Few Days Nate Seems Like One Of The Good Guys, And You Seem To Really Care About Him.
Mr.
Humphrey,You Have A Partial Scholarship At St.
Jude's.
You Are Number Two In Your Class, Have A Stellar Recommendation For Dartmouth From J.
L.
Hall.
It Looks As If Your Dreams Are Well Within Grasp.
Thank You,Thank You.
Yeah,I Guess They Are.
But It Seems You're In With A N Crowd This Year, Dating Serena Van Der Woodsen Is That On My File? Who Had The Key To The School? I Don't Know.
Let Me Remind You One Last Time That You Are In A Different Position Than The Others.
You Need This School.
Headmistress Queller, I Have Something To Tell You.
I Must Say,Your File Reads More Like A Rap Sheet.
You Cut More Sophomore Classes Than You Attended, Cheated On Tests, Talked Back To Teachers.
Look,I Understand That This Is A Serious Matter.
That's Why It's Important To Me That You Know-- You Being New Here-- That The Person That You Just Described Is Not W I Am Anymore.
Oh,No? Who Are You Now? Well,My Grades Are Up, My Attendance Is Nearly Perfect, And I've Stayed Out Of Trouble.
Until Now.
Please Understand That I Never Intended For Anything Bad To Happen.
And It May Have Taken Some Time, But I Am Here Now, Accepting Responsibility For My Actions.
Whatever You Think Is Fair.
Yes,Let's Discuss The Consequences.
Ahem.
I'll Be Brief.
And I'll Be Not Interested.
Is That How You Speak To The Person Who Just Paid Your Rent For A Year? What Did You Just Say? Congratulations,Vanessa.
You Just Won 365 More Days In Your Ikea-Furnished Closet.
You Went To My Building? You Talked To My Landlord? No,I Don't Speak Ukrainian, But I Do Speak Envelope Of Cash.
And He Understood Me Perfectly.
I Can't Believe You.
Blair Waldorf Is Not Indebted To Anyone, No Matter How Much I Appreciate What You Did.
You're Welcome,I Guess? Good.
Now This Transaction Is Finished, And I'm Free To Return To Disliking You.
I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way.
Oh,And One More Thing.
If You Didn't Pay Your Rent With It, What Did You Do With Chuck's Money? I May Have Created A Medical Grant For Teens With Genital Herpes In His Name.
I Can't Believe She Didn't Expel Me.
Yeah,I Know.
It's Shocking.
I--You--25 Hours Of Community Outreach.
That's Not Bad At All.
I Mean,I Probably Would've Done It Anyway Being As I'm On The Committee.
That Had Occurred To Me.
Yeah.
Wait.
What Are You Saying? No,No,I'm Not Saying Anything.
Believe Me.
So You Don't Buy What She Said About Me Being The Poster Child For The New Honor Code? Look,I Know For A Fact My Mom Didn't Plead My Case Or Donate Anything,Okay? I Didn't Say A Thing.
Are You Really Turning This Into An "Upstairs,Downstairs" Thing? No.
No,You Are.
I'm Being Completely Silent.
I'm Just Happy That You're Not Being Expelled Or Leaving Town Anytime Soon.
Are You Hungry? We Should Always.
But You Still Believe That There's A Double Standard, That People Like Me Get Specl Trtrtment.
Ms.
Van Der Woodsen.
Your Mother Sent Me To Pick You Up.
Oh.
Great.
That Was Thoughtful.
I Think You Get No Special Treatment At All.
Your Life Is Completely Uncharmed And Average.
It's Okay.
I'll Walk.
No,Come On.
I'm--I Was Kidding.
I Was Kidding.
You Going To Brooklyn? It's A Rare Occasion To Celebrate The Merging Of Two Families.
And I Couldn't Be Happier To Be Here Tonight To Celebrate Lily's Acceptance Of My Proposal.
So To My Lovely Bride And Our Growing Family.
You Packed Light.
Please Try To Understand.
I Think I Do.
I'm Just Sorry.
So Am I.
Mom Looks About As Happy As Grandma At Last Call.
I Know.
It Seems Bart's Personality-- Or Lack Thereof--Is Contagious.
I Don't Even Know How She Breathes With Her Blouse Buttoned That High.
How Glad Are You To See Our Families Merge,Sis? So Glad That If You Ever Call Me That Again, It'll Be The Last Thing You Ever Say,Chuck.
I Love It--Our First Brother/Sister Squabble.
I Hope You're Going To Make Yourself Available For More Missed Childhood Memories-- Bathing Together, For Example.
You're Probably Wondering Why I Asked You Here.
After Our Last Conversation, Yeah.
Do You Think It's Possible For Two People Who Have Been Through As Much As We Have To Really Forgive And Forget? If We Really Want To, I Think We Can.
A Lot Of Mistakes Have Been Made.
If You're Ready To Forgive Me Then Nothing Can Tear Us Apart.
I Promise.
What You Said Before I Love You,Too.
Always Have,Always Will.
So Your New Stepbrother Told Me About Your Problem At School.
Frankly,I Wasn't Surprised, Given Your Propensity For Recklessness And Adventure.
I'm Sorry? Don't Tell Your Mother, But I Made A Call.
You Did What? It Was Harder Than Usual.
That New Headmistress Of Yours Is A Real Piece Of Work.
I Had To Go Over Her Head.
Sorry I Couldn't Get The Charges Completely Dropped,But,Um At Least I Got You A Minimal Sentence.
One Thing About Being On The Inside-- Once You Get There, You Don't Always Get To Choose Where You Stand Or Sit.
I Was Just Looking Out For My Family.
The New Van Der Woodsen/Bass Library Should Be Completed For Eric's Graduation.
I Can See That Lily And I Are Gonna Have Our Hands Full With The Two Of You.
Will You Excuse Me? I Need Some Air.
Sometimes You Need To Step Outside, Clear Your Head And Remind Yourself Of Who You Are And Where You Want To Be.
Hey.
Aren't You Supposed To Be At Your Mom's Engagement Thing? Yeah,Well, I Had To Get Out Of There.
It Was Getting A Little Hard To Breathe,You Know? Those Parties Can Be That Way.
So Are You,Um, Packing Up Your Music? Nah.
I Just Need To Find Something New To Write About.
And I Will.
Hey.
You're A Little Overdressed For The Study Date I Didn't Know We Had.
You Were Right About Everything.
You Wanna Talk About It? Can I Just Sit Here With You For A While? Yeah.
Chaucer? Yeah,I Got A Test On Friday.
Mine's Thursday.
And Sometimes You Have To Venture Outside Your World In Order To Find Yourself.
As For Me, I'm Happy Right Where I Am.
I Only Wanna Be With You.
X.
O.
X.
O.
,Gossip Girl.
At What Point Do We Admit That No Matter How Much We Want It Or How Hard We Try It's Just Not Working.
You're Going Back To Hudson, Aren't You? Yeah.
Rufus, Why Are You Calling? I Miss You.
Mom, You Cannot Date Bart Bass.
You Said A Moment Ago You Didn't Care Who It Was.
He Raised Chuck.
Would You Do Me The Honor Of Being My Wife? I Think You Like Dan ??? Just Thought I Should Let You Know Someone's Watching.
Chuck, You Are Not Answering My Calls.
Please, For The Love Of God, Do Not Tell Anybody About Us.
Don't Worry.
B.
Who Would I Tell?(From Chuck) And Who Am I? That's A Secret I'll Never Tell.
You Know You Love Me.
X.
O.
X.
O.
, Gossip Girl.
On The Upper East Side, It's Easy To Think That The World Is Exactly As It Appears-- Refined, Elegant, Imposing.
But Sometimes, All It Takes Is A Little Key To Open The Door To The Wild Side.
Nate.
Why Have You Been Avoiding Me? Avoiding You? What? Ever Since I Got Back From Monaco, You've Been--You're Not Returning My Calls Or My Texts.
I've Barely Seen You.
Really? I Don't Recall.
Oh? Well, Do You Recall That Night After The Debutante Ball Yes, I Do.
Blair? What Are You Doing? This.
Good Catching Up.
Enough With The Blackmail.
Aren't You Bored Already? I Can't Avoid Nate Forever.
Excuse Me.
I Didn't Say Forever.
Just Until The Sight Of The Two Of You Together Doesn't Turn My Stomach.
And When Will That Be? Only Time Will Tell, I'm Afraid.
So Unless You Want Dear Nathaniel To Know How You Lost Your Virginity To Me In The Back Of A Moving Vehicle, I Encourage Patience And Restraint.
Isn't There Someone Else You Can Torture? Probably, But I Choose You.
Why Don't I Turn That, Uh, One-Piece Into A No-Piece? Find A Floatie To Talk To, Chuck.
You Know, If My Dad And Your Mom Come Back From South Africa Tomorrow Engaged, We'll Be Brother And Sister.
And You Know What They Say-- The Family That Plays Together Stays Together.
Ah, Incest-- The Universal Taboo.
One Of The, Um, Only Ones You Haven't Violated.
Well, I'm Game If You Are.
Dan Humphrey, Age 17, Enjoying An Exotic Meal Of Cheerios On An Exciting Saturday Night In.
Come On.
Be Interesting.
You Don't Want Me To Move Back To Vermont, Do You? No, But If Your Whole Future Depends Getting This Grant For Your Documentary, I-I Really, Really Think You Should Find A New Subject.
Absolutely Not.
The Outsider Goes Inside-- A Likable Everyman's Pursuit Of His Dream Girl Begins His Descent Into The Bowels Of Hell.
This Is Mythic Stuff.
Okay, Not Big On The Soundtrack.
Whatever Movie He's Scoring Sounds Depressing.
Yeah, I Think It's A Biopic.
Try Listening To That For Three Weeks Straight.
But Before Christmas, My Dad Hadn't Finished A Song In Years, So I Really Don't Have The Heart To Ask Him To Stop.
Well, I Do.
Hey, Serena.
Yes! Finally Some Action.
Hey.
What Are You Up To Besides Missing Me? Oh, Uh, Just Wondering If You're Missing Me.
Aw! Well, Of Course I Am, At This Party That Would Be A Lot More Fun If You Were Here.
Party? I Thought It Was A Quiet Night With Blair, Your Last Night At Her Place Before Your Mom Comes Home? Yeah, We Were, And Then Kati And Is Showed Up, And We All Went Out, And We Ran Into Some People And Then Ended Up Here.
Where--Where's Here? Wait A Second.
That's, Um That's School, Is It Not? Bring Your Bathing Suit! You're Swimming? No, You Hung Up.
So What Will It Be, Dan-- Cheerios And Chaucer Or An Illegal Party At Your Prep School Pool With Your High Society Girlfriend And Her Nasty Cohorts? Dad? Vanessa And I Are--Are Going Out.
All Right.
Well, Uh, If You Wanted To Get The Perfect Shot Of Me Feeling Like An Outsider, Then I'm Ready For My Close-Up.
Dan! Oh! Hey.
Hey! Hehe Vanessa.
Hey.
Come On, Guys.
Help! Call The Ambulance! Call An Ambulance.
Someone Call 9-1-1.
Hi.
Hi.
We--We Need-- We Need An Ambulance.
Yeah, A-A Kid-- He--He Hit His Head, And--And He Fell In The Pool.
It--It's 719, Uh, East 82nd Street.
Thanks To The Cell Phone That Somebody Left Behind, We've Got Plenty Of Evidence Of Who Was At The Party.
Lucky For You, Andrew Collins Is Going To Be Fine.
Unlucky For You, We Need To Hold Someone Responsible.
Ms.
Queller? Hello.
I'm Ms.
Queller, The New Headmistress At Constance.
It's Unfortunate That We Meet Under These Circumstances.
But I Look Forward To Getting To Know Each And Every One Of You.
I've Already Talked To Your Parents At Least, Those I Could Reach, And Look Forward To Reading Your Personal Essays-- Describing How You Came To Be On School Property After Hours, Using Alcohol And Drugs, Where A Fellow Student Almost Died.
In Other Words, What The Hell Is Wrong With You? I'll Also Be Conducting One-On-One Interviews Until I Discover Ho Broke Into The Pool And Initiated The Party.
That Person Will Be Expelled.
If That Person Is Not Identified, Then You'll All Face Expulsion.
So We All Know How This Works.
Look, No One Talks, No One Gets Into Trouble.
Who Did Break In, Anyway? I Guess We Don't He To Worry About Nate Cracking Under Pressure.
So Are We All Agreed? Agreed.
Look, Blair, I-I Know You Have Your Sights Set On Yale, But This--This Skull And Bones Stuff Is A Bit Much, Don't You Think? Maybe, But It Works Every Time.
You Know, When Someone Says "Every Time," It Sounds Like--Like--Like More Than A Few Times.
Erything's Gonna Be Fine.
Were You Just In The Same Assembly As Me? Do You Really Think She's Gonna Expel Two-Thirds Of The Junior Class? Look, I Got You Into This.
I'm Gonna Get You Out Of It, Okay? Trust Me.
There's A Weak Link In Every Chain, And It's Just A Matter Of Time Before This One Snaps.
I'm Innocent.
Well Except For A Crime Of Passion.
I Did Something Stupid With Someone.
And Even Worse Than Doing That Stupid Thing, I Did The Same Stupid Thing With Someone Else And Pretended I Had Never Done That Stupid Thing Before.
You Look Confused.
Should I Walk You Through It? Let's Stay On Point.
I Reviewed Your Record.
It's Pristine.
If Constance Has A Shining Star, It's Blair Waldorf.
I Would Never Have Expected This From You.
I Know.
I'm The Perfect One.
Ms.
Waldorf, Who Broke Into The Pool? Like You Said, My Unfortunate Participation In Said Party Was Entirely Out Of Character.
I Don't Know Anything About It.
You're Taking That Paper Seriously.
This Isn't A Paper.
It's It's A Heartfelt Letter To Blair.
A Heartfelt Letter? Who Spayed You, Man? Blair Doesn't Even Want You.
She's Been Crystal About That Since We Got Back.
Didn't Seem That Way En She Kissed Me At The Pool.
She Kissed You? Well, I Kissed Her, But Yep.
What Was She Like? Into It? Or Was She More Like-- Of Course She Was Into It, Man.
What Do You Think? Yeah, I Know, But, Uh You Know Blair Yes, I Do.
I Think She Wants Me To Suffer A Little More.
You Know, Even The Playing Field? It's Worth It, Believe Me.
Hey, Dad.
Listen, Uh, I-I Got Your 1,001 Messages.
I Just Haven't Had A Chance To Get Back To Ya.
Yeah, That's Not Gonna Work.
I Guess You Heard From The New Headmistress.
Look, I Know How Upset And Apparently, Some Of The Kids Who Were At The Party Didn't Even Tell Their Parents.
Look, You Don't Have To Say I-I Regret Even Leaving The House Saturday.
Yeah, But If You Know Keep You Out Of Trouble, Then You Need To Cooperate.
I Don't.
Dan, Don't Think For A Second These Other Kids Aren't Gonna Be Looking Out For Themselves.
You Need To Do The Same.
All Right? I Hope I'm Not Interrupting Anything.
I Just Got A Message That Our Kids Are In Some Kind Of Trouble At School.
And You Came All The Way To Brooklyn To Talk About It? No, No, Not About That.
Um, Bart And I Just Landed At The Airport Back From Our Trip, And He Proposed, And I'm Going To Say Yes.
I Wanted You To Hear It From Me First, Not From My Daughter Or Your Son.
Right, The People Who Actually Talk To Me.
Oh, If You're Referring You Left Me On Christmas Day, I Didn't Get It Until We Were Already On The Plane.
It Was Very Endearing, Though.
But Not Enough To Turn The G5 Around? You Miss Me.
That's Great.
I Miss You, Too.
What? You Kissed Me At Eleanor's Party, And Then You Say You Can't See Me Anymore Because Your Wife Came Home, And Then You Call And Say You Should've Never Let Me Go, And Then You're Back With Alison Again.
I Didn't Plan Any Of That.
That Is Just It With You, Rufus.
You Don't Even Plan Anything.
Well, I'm Sure That Your Current Plan Will Be Full Of Private Jets And 5-Star Hotels.
Take Care, Rufus.
Do You Really Have To Show This To Me Now? Trust Me When I Say You're Gonna Wanna See This Before You Enter Blair Waldorf's Evil Lair.
It's A Homework Group, Vanessa.
We're Just Gonna Be Writing Papers, You Know? Here.
I Wasn't Sure What It Was Till I Got It Home And Saw It On The Computer, But-- Okay, That's Chuck.
Wh--Wh What Are You Holding Here? It's A Key.
Spotted--Lonely Boy Learning That When The Punishment Fits The Crime, There's No Reason You Can't Serve Your Sentence In Style.
Yay! You're Here.
I Thought We Were Gonna Work On Our Papers.
We Are.
One Night At Bilboquet, Kati And Is Made Out With A Guy In Cornell's Ethics Program.
They're Getting Tips Now.
I Thought I Told You You Couldn't Film Me.
Come Here.
You Are So Naive.
Michael Moore Over There Is Obviously Just Using This Film To Get Close To Dan.
No, She Needs That Grant Money.
So Did You Bring Your Legal Pad? You Wait Here.
I'll Find Us A Quiet Place To Work.
Okay.
I Can't Believe You Brought That Here.
It's Evidence.
Give It To Me.
Chuck.
You Need To Tell The Truth.
Whatever Happened To "Don't Speak Until Spoken To"? I Just Saw You With That Key.
I Know You Had It At The Party.
Poor Little Humphrey Dumpty.
Look, Let Me Clarify Something For You.
Regardless Of Who You're Currently Sleeping With, You And I Come From Different Worlds.
In My World, If I'm Suspended Or Expelled, A Wing Is Donated In The Bass Name.
That Sounds Like Quite A World.
Well, It's Not Perfect, I'll Admit.
But One Thing It Does Offer In Spades Is Security.
My Family Can Take Care Of Me.
What Do The Humphreys Have To Offer? Used Metrocards? Your Dad's Cassingle? And In Case You Were Wondering, You Narc, I Only Took The Key From The Party To Hide It So We Didn't All Get Blamed Including You.
Blair.
Nate.
What Are You Doing Here? I, Uh, Wanted To Talk To You.
I Brought You This.
It's A Love Letter.
A Hostess Can't Hide In Her Room.
It's Unladylike.
Hey.
Hey, Where Are You Going? I Made Us A Study Area In The Other Room.
You Know What? I'm Just Gonna I-I Think--I Think Chuck Is Right.
Wait.
Chuck? No, The Guy Has A Point, Actually.
Maybe The Reason None Of You Guys Take This Seriously Is Because For You It's Not.
No, It Is.
Vanessa, Please, Some Space.
I'm Sorry.
Sorry.
Look, I'm All For Loyalty And I'm All For Sticking Together, But We Are Not In The Same Boat Here.
I'm On A Partial Scholarship.
My Parents Have No Way Of Buying My Way Back Into This School, Or Any Other.
And I Know This Isn't Going To Be A Popular Opinion With--With Your Band Of Brothers, But If The Person Who Brought That Key Refuses To Step Up, Then Anybody Who Knows Anything Has The Right To Say Something.
Do--Do You Know Who It Is? You Do, Don't You, And You're Not Gonna Say Anything? Dan, Please.
You Don't Understand.
You're Right.
I-I Mean, I Don't Understand.
Hey, Let Go Of Me, Bass.
Drop Your Archibald Habit First.
You Know I Already Have.
Really? A Kiss Does Sort Of Send The Wrong Signal.
Let's Not Waste Time Denying.
You Know What? I'm Tired Of This.
Go Ahead And Tell Him.
Really? You Want Me To Tell Him How You Slept With Me And Then Faked Your Virginity For Him? I'll Just Tell Him And Who Do You Think He'll Believe? You, Who Bangs Anything In His Field Of Vision, Or Me, His Pure And Honest Girlfriend Of Many Years? Well, Now He'll Believe Me.
Why? I Have Proof.
Good Eye, Docu-Girl.
I'll Take The Tape Now.
You Knew She Was Watching? This Is My House.
That Tape Belongs To Me.
Actually, This Is My Footage, And Thanks To Both Of You, I Think I Got A New Angle On My Subject.
Hey, Vanessa, If You Think I'm Gonna Let Go Of Me.
Let You Walk Out Of Here With That Tape, You're Crazy.
Hey! Last Time I Checked, I Still Owe You A Black Eye.
So Unless This Is You Coming To Claim It, Stay Away From Her.
Now That Sex And Lies Have Been Caught On Videotape, V.
'S Documentary Just Became The Most Anticipated New Release Of The Year.
Rufus.
What Are You Doing Here? I'm Not Leaving A Message From The Courtyard This Time.
Well, I Can See That.
But Five Minutes Ago, My Kids Would've-- Why Did You Really Come I Told You.
Out Of Respect For-- Respect Or Regret? You Wanted Me To Give You A Reason Not To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With Bart Bass.
Rufus I'm Still In Love With You.
So What Exactly Are You Offering, Rufus? Some Retrospective Of The Way We Were Over A Decade Ago? Look, We're Not 20 And On The Road.
Thank God We're Not, Because Your Mother Made This Decision For You Back Then, Remember? Yes.
Mm.
Look I Don't Know Exactly What It Would Even Mean For Us To Be Together.
But Can You Look At Me And Tell Me You're Not The Least Bit Curious? You're At The Same Crossroads You Were Years Ago.
Claim Your Life This Time.
Live It The Way You Want To Live It.
I Did It.
I Broke Into The School.
After All Your Family Has Been Through This Year, I'm Surprised To Learn That You're Behind Something Like This.
I Know, I Know.
And I Apologize.
From What I Can See, You Always Seem To Be Toeing The Line Of Mediocrity, Nathaniel.
Your Grades Are Average At Best, Almost As Though You're Not Committed To School Or Your Future.
Can We Just Move On To The Punishment Part Of This Meeting, Please? Certainly.
But I'm Curious.
Can You Please Describe How You Broke Into The School? I Can Do Betr.
I Can Show You.
And How Did You Get Access To This Key? You're Not On The Swim Team.
Not A Janitor, Right? No.
Where's The Key Chain? The Key Chain? Do You Remember Its Color? Size? What It's Made Of? Anything At All? Who Are You Trying To Protect? May I Have A Word? Off Camera.
Uh, Sure.
But I Think I Know What You're Gonna Say.
And I Can Save You The Indignity Of Groveling By Telling You Right Now--No Way Are You Gonna Get That Tape.
I Wasn't Going To Grovel, And The Fact That You Even Went There Makes It Clear You Have No Idea Who You're Dealing With.
What Are You Gonna Do To Me, Blackball Me From Eating Yogurt On The Met Steps? You Have Nothing I Need.
You Put That Footage In Your Film, You Won't Be Able To Show It.
I Won't Sign A Release.
I'm Not Looking For A Distribution Deal, Just A Local Arts Grant So I Can Pay My Rent.
Now If You'll Excuse Me You're In My Shot.
What's That, Your Stripper Money? $10,000 For The Tape.
You Think I'd Take Your Money? Yes, I Do.
I Know Girlsilike You.
You Act Like Money's Not Important.
The Truth Is, Money's Important To Everyone.
And I Thought Blair Was Manipulative.
Blair's An Amateur.
She Thinks You're Just Like Her.
To Blair, This Money Is A Couple Pairs Of Manolos And A Chanel Bag.
But I Know That This Much Cash Can Make A Real Difference In Your Life.
You're Sick.
You're Welcome.
Who Knew B.
And C.
Were Such Patrons Of The Arts? Call It Philanthropy Or Bribery.
It Looks Like Everyone Has Their Price.
Something On Your Mind, Lily? Uh Yeah? What Are You Saying? I'm Sorry.
It's Sheldon.
He Has Those Numbers I Was Asking For.
Do You Mind? No.
Yeah.
Just Make Sure He Gets It At The Current Rate.
The Dollar's Been All Over The Place.
Hello? I Was Thinking About What You Said.
Let's Do It.
Let's See What We Are.
Let's See What We Could Be.
Who Is This? Rufus Lily, This Is Great.
Do You Know How Great This Is? Well, Yes.
I Mean, I-I Do.
I Mean, I Think So.
Let's Go Away Tonight.
Let's Get Away From Everyone, Everything, Just Figure It Out.
Wh-Where Would We Go? Who Cares? Okay, Sounds Like A Plan.
Um 90th And 5th.
6:00? Okay.
I'm Scared, Rufus In A Good Way.
Me, Too.
Settle Down, Please.
Yesterday, I Talked About The Serious Consequences Proof.
Worth Every Penny.
For Your Dishonorable Actions, And Obviously, You Didn't Believe Me.
But Someone Came Forward Today And Claimed Responsibility Do You Know Who? For A Crime He Did Not Commit.
And Although I Appreciate His Self-Sacrifice, I Don't Abide Dishonesty.
And I Think It's Time You All Know How Serious I Am.
Nathaniel Archibald Is Suspended From St.
Jude's.
And, Yes, This Will Go On His Transcript.
Effective Immediately.
Mr.
Archibald, You Know Where To Find The Exit.
This Just In--Nate Archibald, Dead Man Walking.
We Hear St.
Jude's Has A New Policy-- An Eye For A Lie.
Watch Him Go, Students.
Who Wants To Be Next? Until One Of You Comes Forward, We'll Keep Going Until Every Last One Of You Has Walked Out That Door.
I Don't Believe This.
Dan, It's Okay.
Serena, I-I Can't-- I Can't Get Expelled.
I Cannot Get Suspended.
My Whole Future Is Riding On This.
If You Know Who Broke In, Then Why Won't You Give Them Up? Because It Was Me.
So Why--Why Didn't You Tell Me Right Away? 'Cause I Didn't Want You To Judge Me.
Aren't We Already Beyond That? And I Didn't Want You To Know Because I Didn't Want You To Have To Be In The Position You're In Now Of Having To Choose Between Protecting Me And Helping Yourself.
So How'd You Even Get In? I Have A Key.
You Had A Key To The Pool? All Right, What Happened To Being Beyond This? Sorry.
The End Of Freshman Year, I Kind Of Dated The Swim Team Captain, And He Gave Me A Key So That We Could You Know, Meet Up, And That's--Enough Said.
And Saturday Night-- What Happened Then? Well, Blair And I Ran Out Of Places To Go, And She Knew I Still Had A Key, And Before I Knew It, It's Like We Were All There.
And I Thought It Was Just Gonna Be Us Girls.
And Then Everybody Got On Their Phone, And More People Started Showing Up, And I Just Never Thought Anybody Was Gonna Get Hurt.
Yeah.
Well, You Can Still Tell Queller The Truth.
I Think She'll Respect Your Honesty.
Yeah, Like She Respected Nate's? No, Nate Lied.
And Besides, You're Serena Van Der Woodsen.
You Didn't Know Me Before I Went Away.
Barely Got Back Into Constance.
If I Got Expelled, I Don't Think Any School In Town Would Take Me.
I'm Sure That's Not True.
I Can't Risk Going Back To Boarding School, Being Away From You And Eric.
But I Don't Want You To Lose Your Future.
Wow.
Oh, Wow.
You Really Can Be Damned If You Do And Screwed If You Don't.
Dan Humphrey, Headmistress Queller Is Requesting To See Y U Iher Office After Class.
Nate.
Hey.
Are You Okay? Yeah,I'll Be Fine.
It's,Uh My Parents Have So Much Other Stuff Going On Right Now They'll Get Over It.
Either Way,It Was Worth It.
Worth It? Yes.
Blair,I Know How Much Your Future Means To You.
And You've Worked So Hard For Yale And Everything-- What Are You Talking About? You Don't Have To Lie.
I Saw The Key In Your Bedroom.
That Key Isn't Mine.
I Was St Hiding It For Someone Else.
Wait That's Why You Were Suspended? You Told The Headmistress It Was Yours Because You Thought It Was Mine? That's The Most Romantic Thing Anyone Has Ever Done For Me.
I Love You.
Please.
You And I Just Can't Happen Right Now.
Why Not? I Don't Want To Be With You.
Good Catching Up.
You're Home Early.
Please Don't Tell Me You're Expelled.
Not Yet.
Your Position At That School Is Already Too Precarious.
One False Move, And You Know What? I Can't Do Anything To Help You.
I Know.
I Know.
I Just Wanna Hide Under The Covers And Make It All Go Away.
And Apparently,You Do,Too.
You And Bart Just Got Back.
Why Are You Packing Again? Well,I Was Just Gonna Go For A,You Know, A Little Spa Trip For The Weekend.
'Cause You're So Stressed Out From Your Vacation? Aren't You Gonna Answer That? No,I Don't Think So.
Mom, Is Dan's Dad The Reason You Haven't Answered Bart's Proposal? You Can't.
Please,Mom,Not This One.
Look,I Will Not Base My Personal Life On Your Preferences.
Dan Is My Boyfriend.
And I Know We're Too Young To Talk About Forever, But Right Now That's What It Feels Like.
I Know It Does,Sweetie, But-- But What? Tell Me That Rufus Is That Important To You.
Tell Me That Whatever The Two Of You Have Is The Most Important Thing In Your Life, Because That's What Dan Is To Me,Mom.
The Most Important.
I Would Rather Be Chuck's Stepsister Than Dan's.
Please Don't Do This To Me.
Dan Means That Much To You? Yeah,He Does.
In Fact,I Have To Go.
Wait.
Where? School.
There's Something I Have To Do.
And I Hope There's Something You Have To Do,Too.
What Are You Doing Here? I Brought This For You.
What's The Catch? I Know This Might Come As A Shock, But Not Everyone Operates From An Agenda.
In Fact, Some People Do Things Simply Because It's The Decent Thing To Do.
Smash It,Burn It,Whatever.
There Are No Copies.
What About The One You Gave To Chuck? It's Blank,Which I'm Sure He'll Be Thrilled To Discover.
And About What's On That Tape-- Having Observed You In Your Natural Habitat These Past Few Days Nate Seems Like One Of The Good Guys, And You Seem To Really Care About Him.
Mr.
Humphrey,You Have A Partial Scholarship At St.
Jude's.
You Are Number Two In Your Class, Have A Stellar Recommendation For Dartmouth From J.
L.
Hall.
It Looks As If Your Dreams Are Well Within Grasp.
Thank You,Thank You.
Yeah,I Guess They Are.
But It Seems You're In With A N Crowd This Year, Dating Serena Van Der Woodsen Is That On My File? Who Had The Key To The School? I Don't Know.
Let Me Remind You One Last Time That You Are In A Different Position Than The Others.
You Need This School.
Headmistress Queller, I Have Something To Tell You.
I Must Say,Your File Reads More Like A Rap Sheet.
You Cut More Sophomore Classes Than You Attended, Cheated On Tests, Talked Back To Teachers.
Look,I Understand That This Is A Serious Matter.
That's Why It's Important To Me That You Know-- You Being New Here-- That The Person That You Just Described Is Not W I Am Anymore.
Oh,No? Who Are You Now? Well,My Grades Are Up, My Attendance Is Nearly Perfect, And I've Stayed Out Of Trouble.
Until Now.
Please Understand That I Never Intended For Anything Bad To Happen.
And It May Have Taken Some Time, But I Am Here Now, Accepting Responsibility For My Actions.
Whatever You Think Is Fair.
Yes,Let's Discuss The Consequences.
Ahem.
I'll Be Brief.
And I'll Be Not Interested.
Is That How You Speak To The Person Who Just Paid Your Rent For A Year? What Did You Just Say? Congratulations,Vanessa.
You Just Won 365 More Days In Your Ikea-Furnished Closet.
You Went To My Building? You Talked To My Landlord? No,I Don't Speak Ukrainian, But I Do Speak Envelope Of Cash.
And He Understood Me Perfectly.
I Can't Believe You.
Blair Waldorf Is Not Indebted To Anyone, No Matter How Much I Appreciate What You Did.
You're Welcome,I Guess? Good.
Now This Transaction Is Finished, And I'm Free To Return To Disliking You.
I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way.
Oh,And One More Thing.
If You Didn't Pay Your Rent With It, What Did You Do With Chuck's Money? I May Have Created A Medical Grant For Teens With Genital Herpes In His Name.
I Can't Believe She Didn't Expel Me.
Yeah,I Know.
It's Shocking.
I--You--25 Hours Of Community Outreach.
That's Not Bad At All.
I Mean,I Probably Would've Done It Anyway Being As I'm On The Committee.
That Had Occurred To Me.
Yeah.
Wait.
What Are You Saying? No,No,I'm Not Saying Anything.
Believe Me.
So You Don't Buy What She Said About Me Being The Poster Child For The New Honor Code? Look,I Know For A Fact My Mom Didn't Plead My Case Or Donate Anything,Okay? I Didn't Say A Thing.
Are You Really Turning This Into An "Upstairs,Downstairs" Thing? No.
No,You Are.
I'm Being Completely Silent.
I'm Just Happy That You're Not Being Expelled Or Leaving Town Anytime Soon.
Are You Hungry? We Should Always.
But You Still Believe That There's A Double Standard, That People Like Me Get Specl Trtrtment.
Ms.
Van Der Woodsen.
Your Mother Sent Me To Pick You Up.
Oh.
Great.
That Was Thoughtful.
I Think You Get No Special Treatment At All.
Your Life Is Completely Uncharmed And Average.
It's Okay.
I'll Walk.
No,Come On.
I'm--I Was Kidding.
I Was Kidding.
You Going To Brooklyn? It's A Rare Occasion To Celebrate The Merging Of Two Families.
And I Couldn't Be Happier To Be Here Tonight To Celebrate Lily's Acceptance Of My Proposal.
So To My Lovely Bride And Our Growing Family.
You Packed Light.
Please Try To Understand.
I Think I Do.
I'm Just Sorry.
So Am I.
Mom Looks About As Happy As Grandma At Last Call.
I Know.
It Seems Bart's Personality-- Or Lack Thereof--Is Contagious.
I Don't Even Know How She Breathes With Her Blouse Buttoned That High.
How Glad Are You To See Our Families Merge,Sis? So Glad That If You Ever Call Me That Again, It'll Be The Last Thing You Ever Say,Chuck.
I Love It--Our First Brother/Sister Squabble.
I Hope You're Going To Make Yourself Available For More Missed Childhood Memories-- Bathing Together, For Example.
You're Probably Wondering Why I Asked You Here.
After Our Last Conversation, Yeah.
Do You Think It's Possible For Two People Who Have Been Through As Much As We Have To Really Forgive And Forget? If We Really Want To, I Think We Can.
A Lot Of Mistakes Have Been Made.
If You're Ready To Forgive Me Then Nothing Can Tear Us Apart.
I Promise.
What You Said Before I Love You,Too.
Always Have,Always Will.
So Your New Stepbrother Told Me About Your Problem At School.
Frankly,I Wasn't Surprised, Given Your Propensity For Recklessness And Adventure.
I'm Sorry? Don't Tell Your Mother, But I Made A Call.
You Did What? It Was Harder Than Usual.
That New Headmistress Of Yours Is A Real Piece Of Work.
I Had To Go Over Her Head.
Sorry I Couldn't Get The Charges Completely Dropped,But,Um At Least I Got You A Minimal Sentence.
One Thing About Being On The Inside-- Once You Get There, You Don't Always Get To Choose Where You Stand Or Sit.
I Was Just Looking Out For My Family.
The New Van Der Woodsen/Bass Library Should Be Completed For Eric's Graduation.
I Can See That Lily And I Are Gonna Have Our Hands Full With The Two Of You.
Will You Excuse Me? I Need Some Air.
Sometimes You Need To Step Outside, Clear Your Head And Remind Yourself Of Who You Are And Where You Want To Be.
Hey.
Aren't You Supposed To Be At Your Mom's Engagement Thing? Yeah,Well, I Had To Get Out Of There.
It Was Getting A Little Hard To Breathe,You Know? Those Parties Can Be That Way.
So Are You,Um, Packing Up Your Music? Nah.
I Just Need To Find Something New To Write About.
And I Will.
Hey.
You're A Little Overdressed For The Study Date I Didn't Know We Had.
You Were Right About Everything.
You Wanna Talk About It? Can I Just Sit Here With You For A While? Yeah.
Chaucer? Yeah,I Got A Test On Friday.
Mine's Thursday.
And Sometimes You Have To Venture Outside Your World In Order To Find Yourself.
As For Me, I'm Happy Right Where I Am.
I Only Wanna Be With You.
X.
O.
X.
O.
,Gossip Girl.